Gig tips: Calendaring

July 10, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I came across the below and I STRONGLY advocate this advice — keeping your work and family calendars in one place:

“Unfortunately, it’s often easier to cancel on your child than on a potential client. Scheduling business and family obligations on the same calendar will lessen your chances of forgetting a personal commitment when you’re planning work activities. It will also help you avoid over-scheduling and alert you if your commitments are unbalanced.”   Source:  CareerBuilder.com

Image source:  cincinnatisportsmed.com

Here are some things that have worked really well for me:  

  • I use Outlook at work.  I color code personal appointments as a separate “color” from other appointments such as internal meetings or client meetings.    That way when I’m at work, I can quickly scan the week/month and visually see how booked we are as a family.
  • If I’m at work using Outlook and a family event becomes scheduled, I send an invitation from my work Outlook account to my personal email account (I add a participant, “myself”, with my personal email address), which then gets sent to my iPhone.
  • Likewise, if I create an appointment from my iPhone (typically a personal or child-related appointment), I “invite” myself with my work email address so that my work Outlook is updated.
  • As an extra step to make sure everyone is on the same page, consider also adding your spouse to these invitations so their calendar has the same information.   I did this in the past and it worked to keep me and co-parent in-sync with what was happening with the kids.

Any other ideas?  What do you find works well to help manage your work and your “life” schedules?

Thanks for listening –

– Mama K

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Random Thoughts: Creativity that calms

July 9, 2012 by Leave a Comment

At our core, people are driven to create.

Image source:  BrainyQuote.com

I’ve often said to myself and others that having children is the best thing I have ever “did” in my life; in terms of doing something.  Creating something.  Bringing something to be that once was not.   I still believe this to be true.  I bet many of you do as well.  Creating our children is probably the ultimate. 

And then there is our work.  We create things there too.   For me, I create ideas out of information –  it is very abstract but it does come along with a lot of paper, PowerPoint presentations, and reports.    Some of you may be like me, working in an office “creating” services or products that you really can’t touch or feel.  Others of you may create actual, physical things.  

And then there is our down-time.  We may not have much of it.   You may have found that your free-time comes back as your children age.  I find that the baby / toddler years are very demanding but as the kids get older you get some of your time back.  But I’m finding myself with more and more of it lately for other reasons.

I’ve been spending a great deal of this time organizing and re-assembling because of my move.  But I’ve also been spending time tearing out my yard and yearning to build a garden.   To create food from the earth.  To see something grow.   To see plants flourish.  To see fruit form.   I guess you would say that this is my new hobby – but one that I’ve been thinking about for years.   For me, a part of the hobby is the relief and the physical part of tearing the weeds from the earth.  Ridding my property of infestation of “yucky stinky weeds” as the kids call them.  Taking something away that should not be.   But then fixing the earth so that good can grow.  I now have 4 trees that are planted in huge pots waiting for the right spots in the yard.  I have strawberry plants that are drooping from their weight.  I have corn stalks given to me by my neighbor.  I have raspberry and blackberry vines thriving.  I now also have a home full of houseplants – and I’m loving it.   It’s a great release for me at this point in my life – a combination of physical and mental energy – a combination of taking away the bad to make room for the good.   To create.   To create good for the family.

Which leads me to thinking… do you also find a cathartic calm from creating?   What is your channel for this creativity?  Please share!

Thanks for listening and sharing –

– Mama K

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Staying Sane: Reuniting with friends

July 8, 2012 by Leave a Comment

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”   Albert Camus 

You can laugh with your friends in good times, and you can support each other in not-so-good times.   Sometimes you lose touch over the years and then they re-enter your life again without skipping a beat.   Reuniting with old friends is wonderful.  Knowing that your friends are there for you in tough times is priceless.   For working mothers, friendships with others helps to balance your life and you may be drawn into new friendships simply because you have so much in common with these working women.  It’s good to know that the person “gets it”.   It’s also good to reach out to friends when you need help.

Through the last year I’ve had different kinds of interactions with friends; this last year has been brutal for me.  I’ve gained new friends, reconnected with many old friends, and yes lost some friends along the way.   Now that I have more time on my hands I’ve wanted to open myself to my friends but so much is so difficult.  I’m reaching out but having discussions is tiring for me; reliving experiences sometimes too exhausing to explain.  So I have this time available to me, but I’ve also been retreating a bit.   Healing.   It’s kind of a dance with me.  I connect, then retreat.  Connect, then retreat.  But I know my friends are still there.

I reached out to some old college friends tonight after I dropped off the kids at co-parent’s, and caught up with their lives.  Everyone has their own issues.  I was reminded tonight that it is best to be happy with where you are at the moment; just take it in for all that its worth.   Thank you Lisa!   And this coming week, I have a lunch date with a friend who has honestly been my lifesaver this past year and more.

However I also retreated from some friends this weekend.   A birthday party for a friend’s son – the kids went with co-parent and I just couldn’t muster the energy to go.  Sometimes it’s hard for me to see couples who are starting families – it makes me think of myself at those stages – so hopeful.   Sorry Romina for missing this – I know it meant a lot to you.  Honestly the kids HAD A BLAST and I heard all about the pony and petting zoo.  The Dora pinata is proudly displayed in the “girls room”.

I also canceled on old friends from my NYC days – for good reason, I believe.   I was to meet them with all of the kids at her house but start early since I would have to leave early.  But my heart wasn’t in it.  The kids woke up with me this morning and they were having so much fun with each other and the chickens and just playing and being.   I was doing lots of laundry and the kids were keeping busy on their own.  And then it was 10 AM.  The time when I say that it’s appropriate to go to the next door neighbor’s house to see if they want to play.  The family next door was on vacation the past two weeks and the kids had not seen them during that time.  When the neighborhood kids came over, that is when the magic started.   Laughter.  Running.  Hugging.  Talking about “Cocoa”.  Playing ball.   Tickling.   And I just stayed back and watched it and laughed.   So, my heart just wasn’t into taking the kids away from their new friends and getting on yet another highway.  Big Bro is the worst now with the highways and he doesn’t want to go anywhere anymore.  I just wanted to stay at home with them and hear them laugh.  And see them run.   And see their happiness for each other since the neighbors are just as excited to see us as new neighbors now.

So I canceled on my friend.  So that the children could have fun and cultivate their own new friendships.  And it didn’t matter a bit to my friend.  I talked to her.  She completely grounded me.  “Of course don’t feel bad – you are doing exactly what you should be doing right now….”

So we stayed.  And the kids laughed.  And played.  And scared the guinea pig.  And ran.  And ate.  And fell down.  And kicked balls.  And hugged.  And giggled.   And made MORE lemonaide and tried to sell it to the neighborhood together (they each made $1.25 for their efforts today).

Two of my closest friends, friends who know EVERYTHING that has been going on in my life over the years, I made at work.   So there is the biggest benefit I suppose for being a working mother.   Being around other women who can relate to you like some people cannot.  They know the challenges, the struggles, the tensions.   And through this you can form the strongest of friendships.

So this is a big “thank you” to my friends.  Some closeby, some far away.   But still there.  And those that continuously reach out to me to check in and see how things are going.   And offer to help where they can.  And to listen if I have the energy to talk about things.  This means a lot to me.   

Hopefully you will agree that a big part of staying sane and staying grounded is keeping those friendships alive; supporting one another; and giving those big hugs to your friends whom you have not seen in a long time.

Have a great week everybody

– Mama K  

 

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July 6: Lemondaide for sale! $0.25!!

July 6, 2012 by 1 Comment

Friday, and the last of the 2 days that Big Bro and Red were “allowed” to stay home with me, along with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky.  It was a great day.  No, it was an AMAZING day.

Highlights with the Kids:

  • I woke up at 7 AM to Twin Husky, pitter pattering in my room.  He climbed into my bed.   Then came Twin Crazy.  Then came Red.
  • It was cold when we all got up so I put on the fireplace as I made breakfast.  Twin Husky helped me stir the pancake mix;   Everyone was hanging out, lounging, including Cocoa our guinea pig.  It was wonderful to have everybody there.  No rushing.  No running.  Just being.
  • After breakfast I wanted to lounge around too.  I read books to some of the kids while others were playing with Cocoa.
  • I got the kids to get dressed quickly.  I wanted to explore my new neighborhood again.  But first Big Bro wanted to start some popsicles so they would be ready when we came home.  All I had was pomegranate juice.   Overall he does not like going on trips and would rather stay home.  He’s fine once we get there though.  I think he’s sick of the car.  I don’t blame him.
  • I found an amazing museum about 2 miles away from the house.  It is a wild-life preserve and rehabilitation site for sick and injured wild animals.  I told the kids how important this place was and how some animals are pets and if they get sick or hurt their owners take them to the vet… but where do wild animals go if someone finds them hurt????    I bought a yearly family membership as soon as I got in there.  Some of the animals are always there and cannot be released (e.g., birds with one wing).   But there is an entire section of the building for rehabilitation of many animals that is not open to the public.  The kids saw alot of birds, touched a snake, looked through magnifying glasses of feathers and snake skins, amused themselves with puzzles, and we even saw a demonstration of workers feeding 3 little baby birds.   I loved it there.  I want the kids to understand the importance of places like this and the responsiblity we have as people to care for animals in need where we are able.  
  • Once we got home we ate like crazy.   After lunch Twin Crazy and Twin Husky ran around outside naked while Big Bro played with them with the hose.   Then it was nap-time.
  • During the twin naps, Big Bro, Red and I made lemonaide.   We had a childrens book about making lemonaide that I must of read to them 1000 times; they were busy making it and it really tasted good!!     I went out back to weed with the weed-wacker, thinking they would come outside or play quiety inside… but they had other ideas.  They wanted to set up a lemonaide stand and asked me to write the sign.  They set up in the front of the house and were working so hard.   There were construction workers down a few houses and Big Bro kept yelling “Lemonaide for sale”.   He even wanted to go door-to-door.   There were four separate customers but other drive-bys with smiles on people’s faces.   They were so cute.  They were working so hard.  I taught them about “price” and how 4 quarters make up 1 dollar and before you knew it, it was time to get ready to leave.   I promised them I would buy more lemons on Saturday and that I would help them make more lemonaide on Sunday and have a proper stand – I think there will be more traffic then.

After the kids:

  • Drop off was fine.
  • I went to Costco to stock up for the kids.   At the cashier I learned that my in-laws stopped my Costco membership — don’t they realize that they are only spiting their own grandchildren by doing that?   I was still able to buy my stuff though so that was good.
  • I got back; unpacked my loot; and did some more weed-wacking.
  • I’m now showered and feeling full from raspberries, Life cereral, and a nectarine. 

I’m feeling great and happy here.  I’m listening to crickets as I type this.  I love this house.  I love seeing the children in this house.  I love waking up to pancakes and a fireplace with them.  And a guinea-pig.   I love seeing them sell lemonaide to the neighbors, and how the neighbors keep introducing themselves to us.  I love this day I had with them.  I only wish I could have more.  I wish the children could have more of these days too.  At home with mom during the week, with all of the kids together.

Have a great weekend –

– Mama K

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July 5: Responsibilities and work

July 5, 2012 by 1 Comment

Thursday is here and I’m pretty psyched. Today I usually do not work and have responsibility for the kids. However, I’ve been instructed that Big Bro and Red need to be taken to daycare on my days off, even though I keep Twin Crazy and Twin Husky with me, even though it is just daycare, even though I do not work on these days and WANT to be with them, and even though Twin Crazy and Twin Husky are now forced to ride on the highway FOUR times to do the drop offs and picks up with me.

I’m psyched today because co-parent “allowed” me to keep everyone home today and tomorrow since he had a vacation with them on Monday and Tuesday of this week. So I had the day with the kids, ALL of the kids, and it was great.

Highlights of the Day:

  • The kids woke up at 8 AM. They hopped in my bed and I loved it. Red brought in “Cocoa” they guinnea pig and I hoped she would not poop in my bed.
  • We had a fast breakfast and all got changed. I picked some weeds and feed the chickens as the kids got changed.
  • We hit the library in my new town to check it out and get the kids library cards. IT IS HUGE!!!!! Big Bro knew how to get a library card. I did this with him at our old house. Thie kid needs to know how to write their names by themselves. So that was easy for him. The big news is that Red is now writing her name too!!! So she got to sign up for a library card too. I told them the responsibility that comes with having a library card. How they are responsible for taking care of the card and for taking care of the books we borrow. They were pumped. We all headed to the books and passed a huge section of DVDs that I got excited over. We picked out books first, one for each child, and then went and picked out 2 DVDs. They were all excited.
  • We snacked outside of the library and made it to the car in one piece. We had some lunch and then the Twins took their naps. I read their new books to them.
  • During naps we played with Cocoa, watched some TV, and did work in the yard. Me and Red worked together to dig holes, water the earth, and plant corn stalk sprouts that were given to us by our neighbors. She was great with the hose. She also found time to chase chickens and she picked up two on different occasions. I’m calling her my “chicken whisperer”. She’s really good at getting them and they seem to like her. Her face looks so proud when she holds them – she tries to hold back a smile which is so cute. Big Bro helped me to repot a raspberry bush to a bigger outdoor pot. They both really enjoy the one-on-one time and working together with me.
  • After naps, the kids played on scooters, and I continued to work in the yard. I used some shears to cut back some trees in the driveway. Big Bro swept.
  • The five of us took a walk to the mailbox for a break – someone was crying beforehand and I needed a diversion.
  • I then got adventurous and started to “weed wack” the mass of dead weeds in the backyard. WHY DID I WAIT UNTIL NOW TO START USING IT? THE THING IS AMAZING!!!! The weeds come down within seconds and seriously the yard looks so much better. Big Bro and Red were turning my Tumbler of compost, and then also got rakes to clean up the dead weeds. They were both working so hard. So cute. Twin Crazy was scared of the weed-wacker.
  • I started dinner. All kids ate like teenagers from all of the hard work. Big Bro said I guess we are good gardeners. And I have a green thumb!
  • I cleaned up and the kids played. Afterwards we sat and relaxed and started to watch a DVD about baby animals. Twin Crazy squealed. I made air-popped popcorn and the kids went nuts. They love that thing. Then it was time for bed.
  • TWIN HUSKY USED THE POTTY AND SOME PEE PEE CAME OUT AND ONE LITTLE POOP!!!! I am so proud of him.
  • Big Bro did not want Cocoa in my room any longer. He asked if she could be kept in the kids rooms. Sharing weeks. One week in the Boy room, one week in the Girl room. Red and Twin Crazy were fine with that idea. I told them that having Cocoa in their room comes with responsibility. Whomever’s room she is in, needs to make sure she has enough food each day and also needs to pick out her poops from the cage. They all agreed to this plan.
  • We brushed teeth and read books in the living room. Someone noticed deer ourside in our backyard (probably puzzled by the new look of the yard and the lack of flowing weeds). All kids went nuts. Twin Crazy was later scared about the deer and Big Bro admited that he was scared a bit too. I reassured them about the doors and the house and the alarm. That seemed to work.
  • Everyone went to sleep immediately. It was a full day.

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    I am now sitting in bed and feeling great; but also thinking about the list of things that I need to do for the custody evaluation, financial mediation, and also getting my new lawyer up to speed on my case. I really need to get a lot accomplished and its just too difficult to get motivated. I just want to sit in this house and enjoy myself with the kids.

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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    July 2: Happy (?) birthday to me

    July 2, 2012 by 3 Comments

    I turned 42 today.

    Half of my life ago and on the evening before my birthday, I attempted to keep up with friends who were buying me too many shots for my 21st birthday. I promptly proceeded to vomit an entire box of raviolis into the bushes outside of the bar where we were celebrating.

    Today, I go to work and have a series of planning meetings for the company. I go out to dinner with a friend and co-worker (and her husband, and her two small kids) who will soon be leaving the company and this city. I will miss her. Thank you Ro for making my birthday special.

    And then I go home to an empty house, with the exception of a mailbox full of mail and a guinea-pig that we recently named (“Cocoa”). I threw in some laundry. I put on the lawn sprinkler. I watered my newly planted trees and berry bushes.

    I did not hear from the kids today, nor was I expecting to. I will see them on Wednesday AM and will have them all day Wed, Thursday, and Friday until 6 PM.

    What a difference 21 years makes.

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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    June 28 and 29: Pop-pop and Emmy are here

    June 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

    I didn’t post yesterday since it’s been REALLY busy the past two days.  My dad is here with his wife; I’m thankful for their visit, am psyched for them to see this new life, and excited about the kids and their experiences with Pop-pop and Emmy.   The kids have been talking about the visit and were so excited to see them.

    Highlights:

    Thursday

    • Waking up and caring for still nameless guinnea-pig
    • watching “Geek Squad” from Best Buy come back again to program the remote control (by the way – it is busted again and they will need to come out again)
    • Playing computer games on various iPads
    • Holding chickens
    • Making “fart” noises with the air pump hose
    • Making air-popped pop corn and trying to watch a movie with the tv/remote control (NOT)
    • Having my next door neighbor give us little shoots of corn-stalks to plant in our yard since she ran out of room
    • Running around at night before bedtime, through the yards and in parades and laughing and having to take breaks for breath and running running running and laughing laughing laughing with all of the siblings.  Too much fun.  This is the kind of activity that I remembered as a kid.   I just sat on the rocking chair watching their fun

     

    Friday:

    • Cleaned out still nameless guinnea pig cage
    • Red held another chicken and proceeded to chase chickens around the property trying to hold them some more
    • Fed nameless guinnea pig an apple slice
    • Went to Target and had the kids in two different shopping carts; went shopping for house stuff as well as stuff for the kids; Red had a one-on-one shopping experience with Emmy where she was able to pick out HER OWN shirts and pants.  She never really had this experience before and has always had hand-me-downs; I am grateful for Emmy for giving her this experience; she gave us a fashion show when we got home.  Got “crocs” for all kids to help with the outdoor action and mulch migration into the house
    • Relaxed at home the rest of the day; played Legos
    • Took the kids back to co-parent’s.  Red informed me that we did not have enough time today together.  I felt guilty.  I mentioned the coloring that we did, but she reminded me that was Yesterday, and not today….
    • Went out to dinner with my dad and Marsha.   It was great.  I am tipsy.  I enjoyed the meal, converation, and the dessert.  I will be 42 on Monday!!!!!

    I am feeling reasonably good; I feel even better about the decisions I made with this house.  It was the right thing to do given the circumstances.  It is the right thing for our family.   I am ready for this upcoming birthday and feeling reasonably OK with where I am in life now despite the friction around me.

    Have a great weekend all –

    – Mama K

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    June 27: Different kinds of Love

    June 27, 2012 by Leave a Comment

    Wednesday!   I get to see the kids today!

    1/2 day of work.   I banged out a lot of things – getting meetings organized, reaching out for “testimonials” to help bolster some sales materials, planning meetings for next week.   I worked from home so also got the wash done, got the trash bins organized, and did some general straightening up for my guests who flew in today – my dad and his wife – aka Pop-Pop and Emmy!

    After work I hit the road and stopped at Home Depot to return some things.  $75 back in my pocket!  Yeah!   Also picked up some things at the old house and dropped off some borrowed things at a neighbor’s house.  Then picked up the kids!

    Highlights:

    • Attended a “sea” puppet and dance show with Big Bro and Red.  Both were excited to see me.  Red sat on my lap.  Big Bro wanted to fill me in on all the funny things that I missed during the first half of the show.   They both were really enjoying themselves.  I was happy to be there with them and stayed with them until the show was over.  We were in no rush.
    • Picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky next.  Twin Husky’s first words to me were “Me missed you Mommy”.  OMG my heart melted and I could not stop hugging them and making a HUGE fuss over seeing them.  They were excited to come with me and knew that Pop-Pop and Emmy were coming today.  We all talked about that on the way home.
    • New plates arrived for the kids – helping with portions of fruits/veggies, breads/grains, and meats.   They ate like crazy tonight and really got into their new plates.
    • There was bonding time with the still-nameless guinnea pig.
    • We picked weeds while waiting for Pop-Pop and Emmy.   We filled up a wheelbarrel and then fed the chickens.

     

    • The kids were pysched to great our visitors and show them their rooms.   Everyone was acting very silly and then it was time for  bed.   Kids were great.
    • Tonight Red asked me if I loved everyone in the family.  I said yes that I loved Nana, Pop-pop, Emmy, …..  She said “Noooooo” and seemed frustrated.  She meant co-parent.  I told her that was a difficult question and explained to her that there are different kinds of “love”.  How the love she has for her blanket is different than that for her friends at school than that for her guinnea pig and that for Mommy or Daddy.  I said it was the same for me.  I love chocolate ice-cream, but the way I love each of the kids is different.  It FEELS different to me.  Like her different kinds of love must feel different to her.  There are different kinds of love.  I did not answer her question head on since that would be un-nessessary.  But I did want to hear her.  I did want to answser her someway.    She is trying to understand and I am just grateful that she feels comfortable enough to ask me those kinds of questions.   I want to keep them talking.  Keep them questioning.  Keep them engaged.

    I’m so glad that my family is here.  I’m so glad that this house is full.   Full in many different ways.   Just like there’s different kinds of love.

    Til tomorrow –

    – Mama K

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    Gig tip: IM, email, beware…

    June 26, 2012 by 1 Comment

    Usually your first day on the job they hand you a huge binder or send you to an internal website to read the “employee manual”. Ultimately there is something in there about the use of email and transmittal of information; companies want to keep their secret sauce secret… and also want their employees not to abuse email, instant messaging, and others to the detriment of productivity.

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    image source: wikipedia.org

    I used to think that this was really just a crock of bull. Who really monitors these things anyway? It’s so easy to whip out an email and send it off without thinking. But two things in particular during my career happened that will forever change the way I think about what I write on the job and the means and mechanisms of how this content is transmitted.

    1. My company does litigation support work. Essentially, law firms at times can hire individuals or companies to serve as “expert witnesses” to provide opinions on facts in a case. There was one such case that my company was involved with – a big one. What does this work entail? Pouring through boxes and boxes and boxes and boxes of emails and supporting documents (most of them duplicates), to see if there was ANYTHING ever put in writing by particular individuals that would help shape our opinion on the situation. If ever subpoenaed, your company’s IT department can likely and quite easily pull email records from any individual from any period of time.

    2. A friend of mine was Instant Messaging and bantering back and forth with colleagues about anything and everything. This was actually a pretty funny guy and I can just imagine the sense of humor and wit he used with these IMs. Well, apparently there was an HR situation where it became necessary to pull his IM messages and the contents were enough to have him fired on the spot. That’s it. It didn’t matter that he had worked for this organization for 8+ years. Done. Immediately. Give us your employee badge and we’ll walk you to the door, thank you very much.

    So, use caution when you put anything in writing on the job. Use common sense. If you get upset and write an email in the heat of anger, just save the message and get back to it when you calm down. These communications are like like writing in stone – there is forever an imprint and trail. It cannot be erased. It can be retrieved.

    I like to teach my kids to “use good judgment”. Here is definitely an area where we as professionals also need to use good judgment. Email communication can be difficult. Things can be interpreted incorrectly and messages written in stressful moments can be dangerous. The ease, speed, and permanence of such communications make emails, IM, and other social media potentially dangerous in the work environment.

    Does anyone have any thoughts to share?

    – Mama K

    p.s., again, these kinds of posts are a “test” (I have no kids tonight) so let me know if this stuff is useful or not…

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    Random Thoughts: Interesting article – “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All”

    June 25, 2012 by 3 Comments

    THANK YOU Mama V for sharing this  –

    http://m.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/6/

    So much of this article resonated for me; the expectations, feeling of failure, stress.   If she is correct and we need society to change to make it better for the rest, I fear we will be waiting a LONG time – even though there are so  many working females out there.

    I don’t know what the answer is but happiness for me at least is the CHOICE to do what you want to do; for me, working from home, flexible work schedule, telling myself that its OK to “side step” a career for a portion of my life, the notion of “investment intervals”….   Many people do not have the luxury of choice – if you have it, don’t be fearful but EMBRACE IT.   Do what you need to do for yourself and for your family.

    What are your thoughts ladies???

    Please read and let us know!

    http://m.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/6/

    – Mama K

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