Mama K

April 9: Greeted by a chicken

April 9, 2012 by Mama K 2 Comments

What a day! My work and personal lives just blended together today. As such, as soon as I post this, I will need to get some work done….

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Twin Crazy made it to the potty in the AM

I asked each kid where they wanted me to kiss them. Twin Crazy/Twin Husky pointed to specific parts of their heads so I kissed them gently “Good morning” where they asked me to.

Twin Crazy wanted a hard boiled egg for breakfast. So Twin Husky wanted one too. They both eventually rejected them saying they didn’t like them.

I had to cut up some remaining vitamins since there were only 2 left. Red observed how the inside of the vitamin looks a lot different than the outside of the vitamin – “slippery” is I think what she called it

Twin Crazy was playing with a flashlight

All kids were ready fast (note: Big Bro and Red pick out their clothes and then get changed into their clothes the night before so that they are ready in the AM faster). I finished getting ready and all kids were in my room, playing with my beads and decorations. They were good when I asked them to put them away.

Since we were way ahead of schedule, we all went in the same van. We dropped of twins first, then big bro, then co-parent, then Red.

AND THEN MY ADVENTURE BEGAN…

Highlights of My Working Day:

I had a property inspection scheduled for 9 AM. So I cranked up the music and headed out east. Joan Jett’s “I Love Rock-n-Roll” came on and I couldn’t help but smile. I felt on top of the world.

While I was at the house so many things happened for me to write about. I met more contractors. They knew who I was and knew my story. That mine was the lowest offer but it was the one accepted by the sellers because they wanted a family there who would appreciate the house. They knew I would be a single mother of four and that I loved the work they did. My inspector came and we walked the property. We were greeted by a chicken from next door. I did some work while the inspector was doing his thing. I heard voices and thought it was a neighbor but it was one of the sellers…. I looked at him, and he at me, and I just reached out and hugged him and thanked him. I told him how happy I was and how excited I was for the house and for my family. I found out that the general contractor is the seller’s father. So this has been a family project. I found out that the GC made the fireplace mantel, piece by piece. They had another prospective client come over to look at the work and he was so impressed… and he shook my hand and said congratulations and that the work and the house was beautiful. And then the second investor/seller arrived. I again hugged him and thanked him. We talked about the open house day and how I just walked in off the street, not expecting to see that house at all (the house I was going to was across the street). They were all there, and I breezed in and out in about 10 minutes…. thinking whoa this place is small but as I kept walking through it, I kept thinking… and as I walked around the grounds, I thought some more. And as I climbed the backyard stairs to the sitting area looking down, I thought some more. And went through the house. And decided that it was perfect. It took 10 minutes for me to decide that this totally renovated house zoned to the top-rated schools in the area in my pricepoint with the chickens next door and the sitting area on top of the hill was it. And now I’m almost there. Meeting the sellers, they are glad that I’m happy and I am thrilled that the inspector did not find anything that would be a deal-breaker!

I worked on a presentation

I had a conference call.

I bid farewell to my “sellers” and house and drove into the city.

I addressed many emails

I had a planning conference call

I had a team meeting for the client project

I spent time gathering and sending more documents to my loan officer for my mortgage.

I gathered an office desk and boxes and loaded up my van… headed home with the loot which will be my office when I move into my new house….

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Big Bro, then Twins. Twin Husky immediately got into the front seat and started to push all of the buttons. He pretended to drive. I gave him my keys and he wanted to start the car. We laughed and then picked up Red.

We made a fast dinner.

Red had some issues tonight with Big Bro. I had to sit them down and have them talk about what happened and Big Bro always leaves out crucial information to the story. I eventually get all of the facts but it is a challenge for me to get there.

Twin Crazy went poop in the potty and she received 2 M&M’s because of it.

I did a lot of hugging and kissing Twin Husky tonight. He looked so cute in his little blue shirt. I also had a lot of consoling time with Red tonight. Big Bro was being mean to her.

We watched a movie and had popcorn.

I had the Twins tonight and they were fun. Laughing and kissing and taking off their clothes and whispering “I….. love….. you…… Sweet dreams…..” So cute.

So now I’m downstairs, with my computer on my side and a list of things that I MUST get done tonight. This is such a busy week – Two big conferences next week, one other meeting that I am responsible for, and then a client final presentation the following week. Oh, and a divorce to go through and a House closing to manage. BRING IT ON!!!!

I am so happy right now. I’m thinking of the things that I would like to do with the house and it’s the very first time that I’m thinking to myself that there is no rush. I will have all the time in the world. There is no rush to get things done. Because it is mine. And I will have the time to enjoy it. Savor it. Root myself. And call it Home. And create a Home for my family. Even though I’m so busy at work right now, I know it’s all going to be OK because I feel like I have my priorities in-line. And I understand myself. And there is no-one to battle anymore. I can take a deep breath and breathe.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, family, home, meetings, new beginnings, new house, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: Eat Chocolate

April 8, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Nuf said.
Happy Easter!

– Mama K

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: chocolate, Easter, parenting, working mom, working mother

April 6: Seeing the fork ahead in the road

April 6, 2012 by Mama K 3 Comments

What a day. I mean, what a day. I honestly cannot express in words what has happened in my life today. Life takes its twists and turns, and mine took a sharp turn today. For the better, I hope. I believe. I’m starting to see the end of a long journey for me, but I ache for my kids who still do not know what will soon happen to their worlds.

Highlights of the Morning:

Big Bro woke me up today. He thought for some reason that it was Saturday, and asked if he could watch a movie. I said no and that I had to get up. He thought that was strange since it wasn’t 8:00 AM yet (they’re trained to know that I don’t get up until after 8 AM, we get them to entertain themselves while we get an extra hour). When I said it was Friday, he said, “Ohhh. I forgot.”

Red and I talked about dust yesterday. We could see the little speckles in the rays of sunshine in our kitchen. Today we saw them again, and Red and Big Bro were reaching out and catching them.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky’s hair were still all greasy from the A&D. Despite Twin Husky’s two shampooings, he still looked like a guy who puts too much hair care product on. Twin Crazy just looked like a complete mess.

Twin Husky decided to take a snooze with his Tigers by his side.

We did all the drop offs together. Then co-parent and I had mediation meetings. The meeting was going really well. We were making progress. Decisions were being made. This guy is great. The best use of my money since this whole divorce started. And towards the end I realized that I had a voicemail. I called them back. It had to do with a property. I feel strange disclosing such a big event in my life but I was told on the phone, on the spot, THAT THE SELLERS ACCEPTED MY OFFER FOR A HOME PURCHASE!!!!! I almost started to cry on the spot. This is a big move in the right direction for me and my family. I found a very affordable (but small) home that is zoned to schools that are the best in California. Rated 10/10. With four children, these kids HAVE to go to public school and I am going to be a single mom soon. I have NEVER purchased my own home before and have been ACHING for this for so long. It is small but I love it. It is completely renovated and beautiful. I believe I can make a beautiful home there for the children and feel confident that I have placed and given them the opportunity to be the best that they can be in terms of their education. So keep fingers crossed that all goes well, if so, I will be a home-owner by the end of the month.

Highlights of the Rest of the Day:

I told co-parent about the news and we actually went over there to look at it together. He of course thinks its small but nice. I know we have different priorities and appreciated that he did not completely shit on decision.

We picked up the kids and let them each have chocolate chip cookies as a snack before dinner. We picked up the Twins and all kids were outside together talking about their eggs, eating cookies, and looking at jelly beans.

We played with bubbles in the backyard for a bit and they were having fun catching bubbles.

Twin Husky shoved a pile of pasta into his face for dinner. I guess the kid was really hungry.

Big Bro was playing with one of those cheap parachute toys that you throw up in the air and he decided to make it stronger by reinforcing the middle to keep the parachute open. He asked for straws and tape. This kid is quite an engineer already and I am already excited about the possibility of his attending this amazing High School that I was able to grab!

Big Bro went outside with co-parent to wash the car and Twin Husky got too cold. He came in and got bundled up. I carried him upstairs for another bath and he was so cute all bundled up like a big fluffy marshmallow.

I had Big Bro and Red for bedtime tonight. They were great. I’m typing now in the hallway outside of their room so Red can go to sleep easier.

I had such a crazy day today. There is so much going on right now. Three conferences to continue to plan, 2 client projects to end, one divorce to still go through, and a loan process and purchase process to close all in the next two weeks!!!!!! OMG how will I be able to do all of this? And four kids….

This is what I thrive on. I find it exhilarating. Making change for the better. Finally finding a place to call Home. Scoping out places for a garden. For lemon and orange trees to plant. For blackberry bushes to thrive. A place for growth. And comfort. And safety. Warmth. Peace.

Well, along with four kids fighting and throwing toys all over the place. And falling down the hill and crying over skinned knees. But I can’t wait to reach for a band-aide in my own bathroom when it happens.

Although I’m upset for the kids, knowing that their lives are going to soon be turned upside-down, I am excited for this new beginning for us. I will do as much as I can to make their experiences easier.

Have a great weekend all
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, home, home purchase, mediation, new beginnings, parenting, working mom, working mother

Recipe: Red’s Green Smoothie

April 5, 2012 by Mama K 2 Comments

This recipe is a bit different from those I usually post. It actually came from a National Geographic Kids magazine that we received back in March (not sure if this year or last year… ). Anyway, it sounded like a really healthy treat for the kids and it was fun to do with them. The kids loved putting the stuff into the blender and there were enough ingredients for the four of them to “take the lead” in something. Best part about it was that IT IS EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!! We couldn’t get enough. It was so good that the next day I had to go shopping again for a refill of the ingredients. Try it!

Red’s Green Smoothie

Ingredients:

1 peeled, sliced, frozen banana

1 cup of frozen green grapes

1 peeled and sliced kiwi

1 cup of washed baby spinach

8 oz of lime yogurt

1/4 cup of limeade

Directions:

Put all the frozen ingredients in the blender. Then put the rest on top.

Blend to desired consistency

Prep time: 10 min [not including wait-time for ingredients to freeze!]

Filed Under: Recipes Tagged With: banana, grapes, kiwi, lime, parenting, quick recipes, spinach, working mom, working mother

April 5: Berries, milk, and bread

April 5, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

I am soooo tired right now I could just collapse. And I’m listening to Red cry for me through the kid monitor. It’s not my night for Red/Big Bro and hearing her makes me ache but I’m just so worn out.

Highlights of the Morning:

I woke up to Red slowly walking into my room at 6:45 AM. I pulled back the covers for her to jump in. We talked. She was very talkative this morning. Talking about how each of us is different in terms of sleeping in/waking up early, also about eye dirt and her throwing hers on my bed (Yuchh), and how I had a dust bunny on my ceiling. So I grabbed my phone and bought a dust bunny cleaner from Amazon.

It was a normal day, normal routine. I had all kids in daycare since I had appointments all afternoon.

The Rest of the Day:

I picked up Big Bro and Red; Big Bro went on a field trip today to a bakery. So they all had grab bags filled with loaves of different breads. It was AWESOME. So we picked up Twin Crazy / Twin Husky and started to talk about what we were going to have for dinner with all of that yummy bread. Big Bro had the idea of replicating the dinner from “The Tale of Peter Rabbit” – in the end they eat berries, bread, and milk. And that’s what we decided to do too.

So we all went to the grocery store to buy berries and milk. The kids were tired and hungry and there were several breakdowns. In fact, due to empathy of the kids, at one point I had all four kids crying just outside of the store. And 3 of the 4 kids wanted to be held. So I put a stop to that. I said no-one was to be held, and put all the kids on a bench and asked them to calm down. I asked them what kinds of berries were we going to buy. They gave each other jobs (Big Bro holds the strawberries, etc.). Then we went in. I said the trip would be FAST. When we paid and left I was thankful to reach the car without any other breakdowns.

DINNER WAS AWESOME!!!! But there was a lot of clean up , strangely enough. Lots of bowls.

Afterwards I colored with Big Bro

I had Twins tonight. They made it upstairs before me and when I got up there all I heard was mischievous giggling. They both had gotten into the big A&D container and proceeded to put globs of A&D all over their faces and in their hair. Ugggh. I tried to wash it out of Twin Husky’s head but it didn’t really come out. I didn’t even bother with Twin Crazy. I’ll do some research to see how to get it out of hair. Any suggestions?

The Twins were running around tonight like there was no tomorrow. They were out of control. I tried to read to them 3 times but they were running all over the place and interupting Red/Big Bro. So I called it a night and put them in their cribs without their book. They were not happy about that. Eventurally they got over it , after I went in to see them several times to calm them down and talk to them. I had Twin Crazy smiling at me at the end so I feel good; I also just sat with Twin Husky for awhile which felt good for him and for me.

I’m really wiped out. So much going on. I’m looking forward to tomorrow for many reasons.

Red is still crying and co-parent isn’t able to deal with it. I eventually went up there to talk to her and tuck her in and tell her that everything was OK and that I can hear her if she needs me and that I am right downstairs…. that I would check on her soon to make sure she was OK. I left the room without a cry. Co-parent was downstairs busy on his computer, saying that she needs to learn how to go to sleep by herself. I agree. But she is, right now. She just needs to be acknowledged and consoled, and CERTAINLY NOT IGNORED. She is our “emotionally needy” child and this is the treatment she gets from him.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, parenting, Tale of Peter Rabbit, working mom, working mother

April 4: Jelly beans and the potty

April 4, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

Wednesday – a work from home day. I love these days.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I woke up to Red walking into my room with a huge smile just a few minutes before I was to get up at 6:30 AM. She is the early riser. I love it when she comes downstairs to greet me like this. She climbed into my bed, very talkative as usual. Today she was talking about eye dirt and how it is hard and sometimes hurts your eye.

She found a key chain rubber chicken in my room. Long story. It basically is a gag gift from one of my colleagues who retired. He was collecting rubber chickens through the years and when he retired he donated them to me since I have all these kids. Red found the key chain and started asking what a chicken was doing on a keychain and in my room. Good question.

She put some princess tattoos on a table in my room. So sweet.

We went upstairs to get Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. Twin Crazy went potty and we were proud of her.

I walked out of my room with some old ice-cream bowls and she completely caught me in the act. “Hey… what is that???!??!?! Were you eating ICE-CREAM?!?!?!??!?!” I was completely snagged. She’s too fast for me. I can’t get anything by these kids.

Twin Crazy somehow saw the chicken and adopted it from Red. She loved the chicken. She kept talking about the chicken. She wanted to bring the chicken to daycare.

Everyone packed up their stuff and both Red and Big Bro had huge backpacks. Cute.

Big Bro and Red wanted me to drop them off… this was going to cause a problem…

We were all early so had enough time to all go into the van and make the two different drop offs all together. First the twins, then Red/Big Bro.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I made it home in time for a conference call with a potential speaker for our forum. We scored big. This woman and organization are amazing. They will have a lot of value to add to this meeting and hopefully for future meetings as well.

We had a second call with a different potential speaker and scored there as well! YEAH!

I had a conversation with my Director about a client project we are finishing and then later we had a call with the client. They are happy with the work and will likely complete it early next week.

I sent out some other logistics for the forum planning.

We tried to have a conference call with our other client but had some phone issues. So I missed the call. There is work we need to do with our thinking and will need to get cracking on that quickly to regain the traction we had with them.

I did some other personal things and made a lot of phone calls. I also had the chance to talk to my dad, who is in India, through ooVoo. Truly amazing… check it out.

The Rest of the Day:

I called the quits at 3:30 PM and picked up Red and Big Bro. I promised to pick them up early and go shopping for jelly-beans for Red’s Easter party this Friday. They were both excited to do that.

I found out that Red packed a huge stuffed animal duck in her backpack this morning. Ridiculous.

We went shopping for jelly-beans which was fun.

Then picked up the Twins – they were spinning around an ottoman. I continuously crack up at how entertained they are at the most basic of things. You honestly don’t need to buy a lot of toys when you have a 2 year old. Especially twins. They entertain each other with EVERYTHING.

We got home and I dished out 2 jelly beans per child. That’s when I saw that a bag was already opened. It was Big Bro. I had a conversation about “trust” and how important trust is. How it’s important to have people trust in you and that if you lose that trust, it is very, very, very difficult to get it back. So it’s really important that you do things to make people have trust in you – and not do things to damage that trust. I talked to all kids about that.

Later, I was cooking. Big Bro was helping. Red was helping set the table.

One weird thing happened… Red went to the bathroom but didn’t make it in time… she had a pee-pee accident all over herself and the floor. That’s just strange. I closed the door quickly with her and said that its OK, that accidents happen, and that I closed the door so no-one has to know about it. Big Bro did knock and I fibbed and told him that I was going to the potty and needed privacy. I cleaned Red up, and we ran upstairs to find new clothes. She was happy.

Later still, I heard all kids laughing. They were giving themselves pedicures with Red’s toy nail polish.

We took a walk to the mailbox to get the mail.

Red was holding Twin Crazy and having her sit on her lap. Big Bro apparently wanted to have time with Twin Crazy too. There was some sort of fight and Red wound up crying. I got both kids to tell me their sides of the story. Big Bro told me the truth, that Red fell when she was holding Twin Crazy, but that Big Bro did push Red afterwards. I probed and it was because he wanted a turn with Twin Crazy too. I said that it was great that I heard the truth from both of them, asked Big Bro to apologize to Red (he did), and then asked Twin Crazy if she could take a turn with Big Bro. This all seemed to work.

Big Bro was amazingly cooperative with me the rest of the night. No whining, no temper tantrums. I think our discussion about “trust” helped and also the fact that I was sitting and listening to his side of the story and also that I had a chance to pick them up early and spend some time with the older kids by themselves. He was just so good tonight.

The kids ate great; after dinner we had 3 more jelly-beans each (Big Bro helped Twin Crazy and Twin Husky with theirs – they picked the colors and he gave them to them), did Tickle Monster, went to the potty (like 5 times – each time Twin Crazy asking for a chocolate chip), and also played hide and seek. It was great being the tickle-monster, with all of the kids hanging on me and running in circles around me and everywhere I reached there was a child and a good tickle.

I had Big Bro and Red tonight. They were wonderful. Each picked out one book, and cuddled down with me to read.

Big Bro had some bad poops tonight and his butt hurt. I put A&D and now he is sleeping 1/2 naked with a towel between him and his sheets so he doesn’t get the medicine on his sheets. He can be very particular.

Now I’m typing in the hallway outside of Big Bro/Red’s door. Big Bro is already sleeping. Red is wide awake, drinking water, changing her pajamas, etc. But she is not crying. She knows that I am here, she hears me typing away. I feel good doing this. I am out of sight, she can rest her body and fall asleep, but she knows that I am nearby and not downstairs. There is just too much distance there. It causes problems that I think are un-necessary. So I will continue to do this for as long as I have to, for as long as I’m still in this house.

I honestly cannot wait to get out of this house. I am looking forward to finally moving on. It will be so much better for me – and hopefully indirectly for the kids – after we move on to the next step in this process. I am already thinking of ways to bring “fun” into the process for them and make it easier for them – an adventure in so many ways – an adventure that I want them to share with me to the extent they are able.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: conference call, divorce, flex time, jelly beans, parenting, part-time, potty training, project, working mom, working mother

April 3: Big Brother and his sisters’ tears

April 3, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

Chocolate Tuesday!

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Red woke up at 5 AM; I went to check on her. There was no heat on. It was 66 degrees. I put the heat on and decided to bring her down with me since it was almost morning anyway.

All kids were going crazy with chocolate tuesday. Red was a bit finicky and having problems communicating what she wanted for breakfast. I asked her what bread she wanted. Regular bread or tortilla? She wanted a tortilla and her face lit up with a smile.

The kids were “testing” the chocolate Nutella to see if it was OK. [A hypothesis of the reason why Red was rejecting her breakfast was that the chocolate was not good. So we did an experiment and checked the Nutella chocolate to make sure it tasted OK. It did.]

Kids were acting silly with head motions so I asked them if they were stretching and exercising. That really got them going with more movement.

Red and Big Bro were already dressed from the night before. They wanted to get ready fast this morning so when they set out their clothes last night, they decided to get changed into them and sleep in them to save them time this morning. I told them last night that they were ridiculous, laughed, told them to wear what is comfortable, and left their room. They were ready very quickly this AM!

Everyone was ready so early that there was plenty of time to play. Big Bro started to read Twin Crazy a picture book.

We did drop offs all together this AM. We were ready quickly so all got in the van and dropped off Twins first, and then Red/Big Bro at Red’s school [he is on spring break so we are paying extra for “camp” for him this week]. They enjoyed all being together in the van. I felt a pang of sorrow for them and their excitement.

I am now on the ferry with a lot on my mind. I will be busy at work but I think everything is under control, at this point. I also have things to think about related to personal items…. some things I need to check on to prepare for big meetings at the end of the week.

Today at work I have one team working session scheduled to go over the team’s analysis and one client touchpoint meeting. This gives me a lot of time to focus on other work and actually get work accomplished. Some sell meetings to schedule, some follow up with speakers, confirmations of speaker times, etc. I also have to think through revamping the entire work product that our company presents at the forums. It is extremely manual to update for each meeting and also the story/takeways are not compelling. Visually it is hard to digest. The files are at graphics now and I need to think through the work product and make changes to format, insight, structure, etc. to make the presentation more concise, compelling, and visually easier to digest. That will take some time but I think I can get to it today. I would like to have a final re-vamp done by end of week for Director review. I think it will be a good day. I’m not stressed at all about where we are in terms of meetings and deliverables.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I spent time with the project team on our client work and also client update.

I spent time reaching out to potential speakers and guests to our forums

I remembered to grab printouts of our work product for the forums but did not have a chance to review

I spent quite a bit of time on personal things – necessary personal things

I’m on the ferry home and am feeling angry. I really want to see the kids. They put a smile on my face and make me relax. They can sooooo effectively use humor with me and they know what to do to get a laugh out of me. It’s easy for them to do. And we enjoy these times. So, I’m looking forward to seeing my kids and laughing with them tonight.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Red and Big Bro, and then we went to pick up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. We found them taking a walk along the sidewalk with their daycare provider as we pulled into the courtyard with the van. Red and Big Bro went nuts. I pulled over to the side and drove up very slowly…. Red and Big Bro both unbuckled their seatbelts and flew to the windows demanding for the windows to be pulled down. There we were, in the van and cheering outside of the window, to Twin Crazy and Twin Husky who were both very excited for the warm welcome.

At home I started cooking fish and rice. It was baked, so I had some time with the kids before it was ready. We played for a bit, went potty A LOT (Twin Crazy getting used to the chocolate chip rewards), went for a walk to the mailbox to get the mail, ran around a bit…. Twin Crazy then had a poop accident. While I was upstairs getting her new clothes, somebody (still not sure who) climbed up something (still don’t know what) and grabbed the huge bag of chocolate chips from Costco… there were chips ALL OVER THE KITCHEN FLOOR. I threatened to put locks on all of the cabinets since the kids have proven to me that they cannot be trusted. Everyone was silent.

We had some problems with Red during dinner. She was saying that she wanted carrots but not talking clearly. So she eventually threw herself on the floor after we were not able to understand her. Eventually I asked her to either speak clearer, or go into the other room with a book because I did not want to hear it anymore. I eventually had to pick her up with a book, and take her into the other room. At that point she clearly told me that she wanted carrots. I gave carrots to her. She was smiling.

After dinner I played “tickle monster”, cleaned up from dinner, and then became the “tickle monster” again. The kids were playing well with each other – Big Bro putting everyone’s stuffed animals to “night night”, giving them wagon rides…. helping Twin Crazy get her new underwear on…. they really were getting along very well.

I was on Twin Crazy and Twin Husky duty tonight. They went down OK, Twin Crazy a bit tough. Red was having a very difficult time. She wanted to stay with me as I read to the Twins. I let her. The cutest thing was the big, big hugs that the Twins gave each other tonight. They embraced, held each other tight, pulled away looking at each other and laughing, and then embracing yet again. IT WAS SOOOOO SWEET I couldn’t believe it. I haven’t seen this affection in this way, with this intensity, so far. It was too cute.

I went downstairs and heard so much commotion upstairs. I had to go up. I knew Red was having a really rough time so wanted to go to her. I found Twin Crazy and Twin Husky up in Big Bro/Red’s room reading a book with co-parent!! What?!??!?!? What is this routine? I already put them to bed. “They were crying so I’m reading them a book.” Are you kidding me??@!?!??! Not the kind of routine that I want to start. I brought them both back into their room. Twin Crazy was VERY upset. I sat with her and hugged her and calmed her down. She told me she didn’t want to go night-night. I told her that it was time for everyone to go night-night, that she wasn’t missing out on anything. Eventually I saw that the bathroom door was closed. She is now scared of the dark. I asked her if she was scared because the door was closed and she said YES. I asked her if we need to open the door and she said YES. I asked her if that was the reason why she was so upset and she said YES. I consoled her and told her that yes, the dark CAN be scary and that she must have been very scared with the door closed. I rocked her. I asked her if she was OK now and she said Yeah. I asked if it was better that the bathroom door was open for her and she said Yeah. I asked her if she could go to sleep now and she said Yeah. I put her back into her crib, her little face looking up at me, and told her that it was OK, that it was OK to feel scared, but the bathroom door was open and it wasn’t so dark in her room anymore. I left the room, kept her bedroom door open a bit, asked if that was OK and if she was OK and I heard her say Yeah.

Then it was working on Red. I sat with her in the hallway and hugged her in silence. I walked her back into her room. She did not want me to leave, but I did. I went downstairs and she followed me down in a fit. I dried off her face and carried her upstairs. I sat down with her and read her a book. I held her some more. I put her to bed. I put on her special blanket. I brought up my iPad and am now typing in the hallway outside of her room, which I promised to do for her. She hears me typing. She knows I’m closeby. I hear her sighing from time to time and know that she is relaxing and going to sleep.

I am so tired. I am so scared for these kids. It will just get worse for them. As it gets better for me, it will get worse for them… so in the end it gets worse for me too. These kids are going to be put to the test. And I know them. I know what gets them upset. I can understand them – and when I cannot, I take the time to figure it out. I let them know, and I prove to them, that it is important to me to understand them and connect with them. I try to understand their fears, their needs, their emotions…. even when they themselves cannot. I am taking the time because it comes natural for me. And also because I know that I cannot be there for them all the time – so I’m trying to do my best with the time that I have to give. To reassure them and help them when I see that they need the help.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, emotional needs, hugs, nutella, parenting, part-time, siblings, tantrums, twins, working mom, working mother

April 2: Feeling full, but in a very good way

April 2, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

Welcome Monday. I accept you since it is relatively nice outside and since I do have a lot to do at work today.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Twin Crazy happily used the potty. She was great all weekend with dry diapers and few accidents.

Kids were playing with balloons after eating. Throwing them up in the air and watching them fall. Both twins can actually catch the falling balloon which surprised me.

Twin Husky was calling for Twin Crazy to “follow him” and run around the house chasing each other. I’ve really noticed the closeness between these two lately. They seek each other out, especially at bedtime. They talk to me about the other if they hear the other crying. It is really sweet to see and experience… the subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle relationship between the twins.

Big Bro is going to Red’s school all week for “spring break”. So they were both excited to be packing up together and driving in together.

Big Bro was wearing his “new pants” with the patches freshly sewed last night. I wonder how long the patches will last….

I dropped off Big Bro and Red, and they were silly and having fun the drive over. They started singing “Kick the morning….” not sure what song that it, one of them made it up and now all four sing it and giggle.

I’m on the ferry now. It just pulled away. I have a lot on my mind. I’m thinking ahead to big meetings later this week related to the divorce, and also the THREE big forums that I am leading for work in two weeks time. PLUS two client projects that are also ending right now. There is just too much going on right now. I am totally over-booked with deliverables. The thing that makes it easier for me to manage is lists. I need to get through these days with lists. What I need to do for each “Project” and just spend focused time on each task… otherwise it’s all just over-whelming and I become paralyzed. I need to prioritize from these lists — which tasks are dependent upon other people? WHich ones am I the bottleneck? Which ones need to be done during the day (e.g., coordination with others) vs. which ones can be done after-hours once my kids go to sleep (e.g., confirmations, follow up with logistics, etc.). I need to prioritize and I focus on those first. Keep things moving and off my plate — I can’t be the bottleneck in any of these areas or else the project will be at risk.

So, I’m thinking of today –

I will have two planning meetings for two of the forums; one of which I need to put some thought against and share with the others so that we have something to concrete to talk about. I will need to focus on that first when I get in.

I need to confirm logistics with presenters and ask for their presentations by a deadline date so I and others can review.

I need to communicate with one client for a project since I need input from a Director who is not in the office; will ask director for his input via email and show some electronic files to get the discussions moving.

I need to reach out to other speakers for open speaker spots for one of the forums …. it is getting to crunch time so this is important right now.

I need to think about what we are going to present for our client meeting tomorrow. This is also an important item; and also get the team moving and on track for final report delivery in 3 weeks. They need to know what they are working towards – need some direction – I need to provide that today/tomorrow latest.

I have to start looking through the presentations/analysis conducted by our firm related to the Forums – this will take focused time which I fear I have scarcity.

AND HONESTLY ALOT MORE….. WAY TOO MUCH….. WAY TOO MUCH…..

I need more coffee and some breakfast. 🙂

Highlights of my Working Day:
BUSY BUSY

I got set up in my NEW office! The furniture arrived! I have a desk! There is still stuff all over the place, but I have my own space now!!!! Very exciting.

I printed out copies of our presentations for our forums for me to review tonight at home, and then forgot them on the printer. F!!

I sent out confirmations for speakers for one of the forums — one is still outstanding which is making me nervous.

I had a conference call with a potential speaker/member for another forum and the CALL WENT EXCELLENT. Whew! We have them as guests at a minimum, as speakers for TWO sessions if worse comes to worse…

I sent out my conclusions and follow ups for a client project but need some input from a Director before reaching out to the client

I had a planning meeting for one of the meetings and prepared an outline in literally 15 minutes for the entire day. The planning call went great, and I also decided to use Zoomerang to poll the group to gather more information about their insights prior to the meeting. I’m glad I came up with this idea and think that the information will be very useful for us in the planning of the event.

I had a team meeting for our client project and got the team focused on what we are going to talk about with the client tomorrow. THey are running analyses that we will review tomorrow AM for 2 hours. I then sent out some primary interview outreach emails and am hoping we can secure more discussions with the market in advance of our final presentation.

Had a brief, brief team meeting with our office over lunch to see how everyone is doing.

I can’t believe it but I accomplished [almost] everything above. I was seriously efficient.

I will need to work on personal items tonight so I’m glad that I don’t need to do too much for real work tonight. This is a big week for me and my family. I am ready.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Big Bro and Red from Red’s school; both were happy. We then picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. Twin Husky was not wearing shoes and Twin Crazy was wearing a summer shirt since co-parent forgot to bring the bag of clothes/shoes that were packed by the back door.

When we got home, we were surprised to see a duck in our front lawn. The kids carefully gathered around the duck. Twin Crazy helped Twin Husky take off his jacket. The duck quacked a bit. I was waiting for someone to charge the duck and eventually someone did. It was Red. Then there were all the kids, chasing after the duck, with the duck quacking and flapping all over the place. Finally the duck tried to fly away and landed in the street and quickly waddled away. I was laughing too hard.

Kids were playing with balloons, going to the potty (Twin Crazy, non-stop, for chocolate chips), and running around laughing. I think there was also some jumping on the beds. Twin Husky got upset over something and I saw Twin Crazy hugging him to comfort him. Red went to his side too.

After dinner the kids took baths. I bought Kiss/Motley Crue tickets!!!!

Twin Crazy came downstairs saying that she needed her nails cut. She went potty again. We went upstairs and cut her nails. Then she found the kid nail polish. I proceeded to give manicures to Twin Crazy and Twin Husky.

I did bedtime routine with Red and Big Bro tonight. They both wanted to lay out their clothes for the next day. Then they talked about wearing their clothes so that they would get ready faster the next morning. I told them they were both ridiculous. They should wear what makes them feel comfortable. We have time in the morning. The last I heard, both Red and Big Bro changed out of their PJs and changed into their clothes for the next day (including their underwear which they wore literally for 20 minutes, post-bath). Now they are whispering to each other back and forth in the kid monitor.

Note: Big Bro just left my room. He had a hangnail that I fixed. He was wearing his Lightening McQueen shirt, and pair of jeans. Too funny.

I’m in a great mood. I had a great day at work, very productive, and the kids tonight were just too, too funny. Honestly, each of them has such funny personalities and they really crack each other up. They have so much fun together. They tease each other but also take care of each other. They comfort each other. They encourage each other.

I’m very lucky.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: balloons, clients, conference calls, ducks, manicure, meeting planning, parenting, part-time, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: Mindless tasks

April 1, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

It’s Sunday night. And my fingers hurt. No, not from too much thumb wrestling. Not from a freak accident when uncapping a beer or uncorking a bottle of wine. Definitely not from anything at the gym (which I have not entered in years). Those that know me will laugh. They will think back on a different period of time and wonder what has happened to the party girl they once knew. For those that do not know me personally, whew.

My fingers hurt because I just finished sewing patches on my son’s gaping whole jeans. He just always wears through the left knee of his jeans, without fail. Several months ago I bought a sewing machine – which was nice in theory. Well, I pulled it out tonight and the kids got all excited about the new toy. Big Bro remembered this device and he wanted to help with the foot petals. I was doing great once I got used to the thing again. I decided to keep up with the patch project, which was making workable patches for later application to the jeans, FIRST. So, I had a nice stack of patches that we both worked on together.

Afterwards, I even sewed up one of Red’s hand-me-down dresses in about 20 seconds with a fun stitch – in fact, she is sleeping in said dress right now, which makes me feel good.

Anyway, back to the hurt fingers.

With the first pair of jeans, I managed to sew about half the patch on with the sewing machine device. But it was hard. Harder than I remembered. The foot kept falling off the machine and I kept twisting and turning those damn little jeans and kept sitting down, standing up, sitting down, saying “No [Big Bro] , not yet, please don’t put the pedal down yet”, wiping the hair from my brow, losing the damn foot again from the sewing machine, and then finally giving up.

That’s when I decided to do it the old-fashioned way.

I grabbed a needle and a thread, and I began to manually mend and attach the patch to his jeans. It worked out great. After the kids went to bed, I sat on the couch, and ~~completed the project~~ started working again. Three pairs of jeans and four patches later, the project is 75% complete (one pair left to go).

Are the patches perfect? No.
Is the sewing job perfect? No.
Are there strings everywhere? Yes.
Are the patches lopsided? Yes.
Are the jeans bunchy in some places? Yes.
Do I care? No.
Does Big Bro care? No. (I asked him).

I sat on the couch, under a fluffy blanket, and just focused on the stitching. I would stop every now and then to make sure I wasn’t sewing through to the other side (that was a mistake I made during my LAST sewing project, several months ago). I sat, nice and comfy, and got into a rhythm. A mindless task. For a woman with a lot on her mind. The kids in bed, a warm soft blanket, my son’s jeans, some patches, lots of string and one needle. And it was repetitive. And it was time-consuming. But it was RELAXING.

So now I type here with my right thumb a bit sore at the nail, where I was pushing down on it a bit to hard for a bit too long, but I am happy for the small break, the feeling of accomplishment, the physical “thing” that I fixed, and knowing that Big Bro’s knees will be covered and I don’t have to feel embarrassed anymore. And, knowing that the kids saw me take the time to fix their things — both Big Bro and Red. And Red is sleeping in her dress, and Big Bro wanted to set out his “new” jeans with patches in his clothes pile for tomorrow morning.

So mindless tasks — I’m totally into those for intermittent relaxation.

What do you mamas do out there as mindless tasks where the added benefit is some relaxation?

Have a great week everyone –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: chores, jeans, parenting, patches, relaxation, sewing, working mom, working mother

March 30: Pizza, Pasta, and Ice-cream

March 30, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

It’s Friday night past 10 PM and I finished up a fantastic night with the kids, solo. I enjoy these times so much better with co-parent not around. Things are easier. More relaxed. The evening just unfolds.

Highlights of the Day:

Red helped Twin Crazy pick out her underwear for the day.
Both girls were wearing princess pajama dresses and I made a fuss about them looking like twins. Red wore hers for bed last night, but then Twin Crazy saw the matching purple dress and wanted to wear it over her pajamas. I wound up picking her up today from daycare wearing the same princess dress so I guess she refused to get changed out of it. They looked adorable together.
Twin Husky wanted to get his diaper changed on our big reclining chair. He loves that chair. It was ridiculous for me to change him on it but he was loving the attention and the siblings were thinking it was too funny. Big Bro took a lot of pictures of the diaper change with Twin Husky all reclined and relaxed.
I took some time to cuddle with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky; I was going to take them to daycare today since I had personal work to do, so was going to miss my time with them. It was nice to sit there and feel them on my lap, and see their heads slowly drift towards each other. They were head to head, sitting on my lap, each sucking their thumbs. My twins.
Big Bro helped them get into their strollers this AM. I love how the bigger kids help the little guys. It actually goes all the way around. They all help each other – I love catching these moments.

I spent the day working. I was exhausted afterwards. I picked up the kids a bit early.

Twins first, then Big Bro. Big Bro rode to Red’s pre-school and then rode back home to drop off the bike.
I took them all out to dinner. To a local pizza and pasta place that is VERY good with kids. We had to briefly wait for a table but the kids were all mesmerized by the man making pizza and the fire oven. They all colored and were very well behaved. Red drew a smiley face. Big Bro drew a helicopter. Both Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were busy drawing their “art”. I also call Twin Husky doing his “work” (he acts intense when he draws). Twin Crazy had a small accident so we all went to the bathroom to clean up. I brought an extra change of clothes just in case. By the time we all made it back the food was there and everyone ate like champs.
Afterwards we went for ice-cream. The kids were having a great time sitting next to a plastic dog and cat. They were blowing kisses and also pretending to give them drinks of their water. Twin Husky ate his cone in about 1 1/2 minutes. Red loves mint chocolate chip. Big Bro loves cookies and cream. I get the Twins “baby” cones of vanilla with raspberry swirl. I got a HUGE chocolate fantasy. YUM. I love going out with these four. I can’t begin to tell you the looks I get and people actually coming up to me asking me if they are all mine. YES. And YES there are a set of twins. YES I’m keeping myself busy and YES I AM LOVING IT. LOVING EVERY MINUTE WITH THESE CHILDREN. These people look at me and shake their heads in exhaustion but they don’t know half the story….
At home the kids were great; everyone went upstairs, and I got the Twins dressed. We did our kisses and they were asleep in no time.
I spent some time with Big Bro and Red downstairs – just the big kids. We wrote down the activities to do over the weekend and they drank lots of milk. I hope there are no accidents tonight since I could use the sleep.

I had a wonderful day today and feel lucky to have had this alone time with them. I know I’m headed in the right direction, but just hope that these kids make it through to the other side OK too.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

p.s. THERE WAS NO CRYING TONIGHT FROM RED. She just asked me to put her in her covers (through the kid monitor) and I did. She rested her body and SHE WENT TO SLEEP WITHOUT ANY PROBLEMS. This is the way it should be. Soooooo much better this way.

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: children, divorce, fun, ice cream, parenting, pasta, pizza, working mom, working mother

April 9: Greeted by a chicken

Staying Sane: Eat Chocolate

April 6: Seeing the fork ahead in the road

Recipe: Red’s Green Smoothie

April 5: Berries, milk, and bread

April 4: Jelly beans and the potty

April 3: Big Brother and his sisters’ tears

April 2: Feeling full, but in a very good way

Staying Sane: Mindless tasks

March 30: Pizza, Pasta, and Ice-cream

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