Mama K

January 6: All five of us looking out for each other

January 6, 2012 by Mama K 4 Comments

Friday – the weekend is here and I am ready for it, I think. I had a very trying morning and lonely lunch — did not have much of a great day but I did manage to squeeze a good chunk of time in with all of the kiddos, which immediately made me feel better…. stronger.

I made well-visit appointments for Twin Crazy and Twin Husky, and decided to take Big Bro as well so that all four kids would be in synch with their flu vaccinations (Red got one on Wed when I went with her for her pigeon-toe issue). While I had them, I decided to grab Red as well and take her along – that way we could go out to dinner together. The kids were great at the doctors. The bigger ones helped to care for the little ones and the little ones did great even though there were shots involved.

I took them out to dinner afterwards. It looked like a pizza place on the outside, but when I got in, it was a fancy pizza / pasta / wine kindof place with cloth napkins. There were older couples and dates everywhere. Needless to say, we were the only table with four little ones (5, 3, and two 2 yr old twins) and one mama. The kids did great. Again, older ones helping little ones, me overseeing everything and making sure everyone was happy and entertained, and listening to everyone so that no-one felt ignored. It was a REALLY good dinner and the kids ate very well. As I packed everyone up, I had some people come up to me commending me on how I handle the kids and how calm and in control I was – they asked if I needed any help to the car and I said – No! This is my job! We’re off to get ice-cream now! 🙂

Ice-cream was a hit, of course. There’s not much more to say about that.

When we got home I showed Red her new princess sheets that were in the washer; she was so excited. I put them in the dryer and they were ready in no-time. She was thrilled and I helped her get her bed ready. Now both kids are excited about their new sheets (as am I) which does make a difference settling in at night.

I bought a whole slew of books on “feelings” — Little Miss and Mr. Men series by Roger Hargreaves — and they arrived today. We read two of them tonight – “Mr. Happy” and “Little Miss Helpful”. They really are entertaining and funny – I was actually laughing out loud a couple of times. So far I recommend them — they are cute at talking about the feelings that we all have as people – something everyone can relate to –

Glad for today to be over; glad for the weekend; will be spending time with Big Bro and Red on Saturday and then Twin Crazy and Twin Husky on Sunday. And trying to keep my distance.

The thing that makes what I’m going through so difficult right now is that I feel like I have no-one to talk to. Close friends I’ve had out here have moved away once their own kiddos arrived (high cost of living) and the majority of the remaining friends are friendships with hubby. So they are keeping their distance. I feel like I’m out here alone – all family back east, close friends back east, few friends here. Time zones again work against me which makes this so difficult to stay connected except through cyberspace, which just isn’t enough for me right now.

I’m hurting for the life we could have made for our children and I’m hurting for the pain that they will go through now and in the future. That’s all I want to say right now but please if you know me PLEASE reach out; I need you now.

Till next week –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: flex time, ice cream, isolation, pain, parenting, part-time, sorrow, working mom, working mother

January 5: My daughter sings me to sleep

January 5, 2012 by Mama K 2 Comments

I usually have off on Thursdays, but the condition of my new working arrangement was “flexibility”. So, here I am on a ferry headed into the city to participate in a 1/2 internal strategy meeting. The morning was fine, up until the end:

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Twin Crazy, Red, and Twin Husky were busy eating cereal and bananas. They liked talking about the bananas and the little drops of milk that had spilled on the counter, and on their chairs. I said “No problem, we’ll just clean it up. No problem.” Then the parrots begin their sing-song repetition of “No problem, no problem.”

Big Bro was slumbering upstairs in his new sheets. It took some work to get him out of there.

Twin Husky had a huge milk accident – on counter, seats, and floor.

We had a bagel incident with Big Bro – it dropped into the pile of milk on the floor. Ooops. Need to start again.

Twin Crazy was acting silly, trying to make me laugh. It worked.

Red was perfect this morning. Ate, dressed, even got Twin Crazy ready with her coat. My little helper!!!

We shuffled all kids in the van but we knew it would be tight with drop offs; No one had their shoes on (including myself). I choked down my instant coffee and someone’s leftover banana. Twins were fine; I had to put Big Bro’s shoes on and fly with him to his line in the kindergarten yard; then had to run to van for Red’s drop off. I ran her in there with no shoes on – so ghetto.

We raced to ferry parking lot. Very stressful. But all in all I think the kids went great this morning…. there were no real mishaps except for the bagel on the floor in the milk. If anything, the milk should have been picked up earlier. Getting ready in the morning is a string of events that all interlock together – if we mis-step on any one item (kids don’t like their shirt, don’t eat breakfast, etc.) it throws us all off. So I try to organize the clothes that THEY pick the night before. I try to pack the bags and get the stuff we need the night before. All in all I think Big Bro did great this morning. I wouldn’t want to eat a bagel if it fell onto a floor of milk either. The stress arises from THREE drop offs in the morning. On mornings where we divide and conquer, we are less pressed for time. Who ever heard of getting FOUR kids dressed and out the door, two lunches packed, three drop offs, and two parents commuting to work? With no help? Is this crazy? (yes).

So now I’m on the ferry thinking about work. I will have to work on a proposal in the AM and then will be tied up the rest of the day with the strategy meeting. I need to start thinking about what I think I group needs to do over the next year – we are such a small team now that we have to be very careful how we spend our time – we need to spend our time profitably (spend the right amount of time on the right client opportunities) and strengthen client relationships. That, I believe, should guide what we do in 2012.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I had a good, busy day. It felt good to be around my colleagues — where I feel heard and listened to. I feel “seen” there. My opinion matters and they actively seek it out. I know my role in the group and I am driving business in areas we have not been in. It feels empowering, risky, but fun.

I started the morning with a meeting with a Director and analyst about a proposal we will be submitting. I reworked it significantly compared to the version that was previously put together. I came to the table with thoughts on what to do, how to position our experience, and how to differentiate ourself from our known competitors for this piece of work. I made the changes to the proposal that we agreed to and had that complete before our strategy session started. I was going from meeting to meeting, without a break.

Immediately afterwards, I got together with our entire team to work on our strategy for the upcoming year. It feels good to participate in these meetings and have my voice heard. I say something, and people listen to me. They notice me. It was a good meeting and I feel good about the upcoming year with me and my role at the firm.

Now I’m on the ferry home to the kids. I’m not sure what to do about dinner. I’m thinking about ordering a pizza. I am physically drained. I think partly because I’m a bit sick and have not been getting much sleep. I also have a lot on my mind and am seeking closure but I know the process will take much longer than I would like.

I just want to rest on my bed.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I ordered a pizza on my way off of the ferry. Pick ups for the kids were great.

Unbelievably, the pizza got to the house just as we were putting away our coats at home. Just in time!!!

By the time Hubby got home, we were all fed and playing with Legos on the floor.

A series of children’s books arrived that talked about “feelings” — How do I feel when I feel scared? Angry? Scared? How do I feel when I miss you? The girls were really into the books. Twin Crazy immediately fell in love with the “scared” book. Red fell in love with the “miss you” book. Big Bro was curious about the “angry” book, but pretended not to care.

I ran around with the kids and chased them and tickled them with Red on my back.

Bedtime took a long time. I’m wiped out.

I’m typing now while I’ll listen to Red on the “kid monitor”. She’s singing “Santa Clause is coming to town” and messing up the words. They already went through their requests of “I’m scared” and “I want more mommy time” and “I want to come downstairs and give you a hug.”. Too cute. Her singing is making me sleepy.

I think I’ll sign off now and let my little girl sing me to sleep for a change –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: commute, meeting, working mom, working mother

January 4: A day with Red

January 4, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Wednesday is a day I work from home, 1/2 day. But it was still very rushed this AM –

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I woke up a bit late; the room is very dark and makes it easy to snooze.

I did not bother to shower. I’m working from home today. Instead, I worked with the kids, helping with breakfast, diaper changes, etc. I needed to get out early since Big Bro wanted to scooter to school today. I would have to do that with him, walk the Twins to daycare, and then rush back for a 9 AM conference call. So I was still under the gun this AM.

Twins were up and eating, but Red and Big Bro were still upstairs playing. What??!?!?? Our rule is that they must eat and get dressed before they play with toys. I need to go up there more often to make sure they are not sneaking play time in. It SERIOUSLY disrupts the routine.

Everyone ate well; everyone got dressed AOK. We were out at a decent time. Hubby dropped of Red, but I reminded her that I was going to “steal” her before her lunch to take her to the doctors. Nothing serious… her feet are a little pigeon-toed but I wanted to get that checked out in case it was anything we should be concerned about (it is nothing by the way, at least for now – probably something she will grow out of — her hips are straight – whew)..

We were off! We randomly met up with the Motley Crew and rode with them. Within 1 minute Big Bro fell on his scooter since the ground was slippery. All of the kids were concerned and asked him if he was OK. They are really good kids. He was fine, but scared. And embarrassed, I think. He walked with me the rest of the way.

After the Big Bro drop off I ran the Twins to daycare, left the stroller there, and practically ran the whole way back (again, good exercise). I made it just in time for my 9 AM call.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I dialed into the call while I got my computer set up, refilled my coffee mug, and nuked some Trader Joe’s breakfast. They started the call 5 minutes late, thankfully for me. It was a call
related to another forum that we could potentially be launching. There is a lot of excitement around this and we are in process of recruiting industry sponsors and planning for a big meeting in April. If this gets launched, it could be something that I would be very proud of professionally. I’m excited about it.

Afterwards I followed up on some items related to the call, and also some issues in my email that I had to get to. I then packed up to get Red.

Red was playing and enjoying herself in the playground when I came to pick her up. Her teachers are wonderful. Red did not see me at first … but to see her playing with her friends and to see her pure joy is so wonderful – she caught my eye and then came running over to me – I love those embraces…. running at full steam, face all smiles with a look of determination, and then a small body plowing into mine and grabbing hold of my legs and looking up at me with her face. I love it. I got her set up in the minivan with her lunch so she could eat it on the way there. She talked about napkins and how she needed them to wipe her face. We were off!

The doctor visit was uneventful. We read books and looked at the colors of cars from out the window while we were waiting.

She fell asleep on the way home; I picked her up and put her in my room for her nap. She woke up briefly and was all smiles, cuddled deep into the abyss of my sheets.

I re-worked a proposal for a client project and looked at the budget; it is due next week. We are in good position to win this one. The proposal needs a bit more work but I sent it out to the team by 5 PM so we can talk about it in the morning. Although Thursday is not a typical working day for me, tomorrow will be since we are having a day long internal strategy session. So I will go to the office and might as well make a full day of it. Part of the part-time gig deal with my bosses was that I would be flexible when needed – so flexible I am!!! I want this arrangement to be successful for me and the company. While I worked, Red was “working” on her LeapPad. We were buddies working together.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Big Bro and the Twins with Red. Before we left, Red needed to hug me for a bit. She sat embraced with me, and she started the rocking motion that we do together – in silence. Her body was pulling mine back and forth – I pulled her on top of my lap and we sat there for 10 minutes or so just rocking in silence. I think this fills up her “mommy time” tank when she needs it. Or, it at least helps.

Dinner was fine, but interrupted by the arrival of Big Bro’s Star Wars sheets. I never saw a kid so excited to see a big box before and help to rip it open. I quickly got the sheets into the washing machine so he could have clean fresh new sheets for bed tonight. All five of us looked at the sheets in the washing machine – and we were teaching Twin Crazy and Twin Husky about the washing machine and how it works – how the water comes in with the soap and how the clothes go around and around until they are clean. They all really got into it. I remember doing the same with Big Bro and with Red when they were smaller. It must be something about the humming of the machine, the flow of the water, and the motion that really mesmerizes the kids. It was fun doing this with all of them.

Twin Husky was busy doing chores. First we saw him brushing Twin Crazy’s teeth. Then I witnessed him cleaning up his drinking cup and floor with a towel. So cute.

Kids got cranky – Twins were banished to their rooms for bed.

I folded laundry with Big Bro and Red while waiting for the sheets to dry. Red was very helpful, folding the clothes and putting them in the right piles.

Bedtime with Big Bro and Red was dicey. Red refused to brush her teeth so I had to get involved. Big Bro and Red were awesome about getting the new sheets on the bed. Big Bro didn’t want to go pee pee when I asked him so there was a bit of a power-play there. I read The Tale of Peter Rabbit without him next to me and then left him lying on the floor, after covering him with his old blanket. I later checked in on them out of guilt and he was in bed, so loving his new sheets. I kissed them both and they bid their farewell to me on my way out.

Today was very, very, very busy. I was seriously running from the time I got up until now. I guess it goes to show you how I really can’t split up my day – work, personal, work. It’s just too hard. It’s best to keep the work from 9 – 1, and then have the rest of the day to myself and my kid(s). This is a key learning that I need to remember going forward.

Red is sitting with me in my bed since she was “scared” upstairs. We’re eating mini-wheats together. It’s so late, and she’s still my little buddy today.

Very happy, but tired. Happy about the time with Red, about Big Bro’s sheets, and about the progress I made at work today. I feel like I missed out on the Twins a bit. But that will be what Friday is for…

Til tomorrow,
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: flex time, parenting, part-time work, pediatrician, working mom, working mother

January 3: Hectic, hectic morning… still recovering…

January 3, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

First day back to the normal routine – getting four kids ready, three drop offs, and a race to the ferry to commute to the city. It was tight. We literally dropped Red off at daycare with one sock on, and two shoes in her hands. That’s how tight it was. I’m on the ferry now, heart still pounding realizing I really need to get in shape. I know that’s what everyone is thinking right now with new year’s resolutions, so I’ll join you in that.

Highlights of my Morning and Commute:

Still getting used to my “new normal”. Where is my comb? Where are my shoes? Toothbrush?
Grabbed instant coffee to get myself started. I had a terrible nights sleep due to allergy attack from cat dander from hand-me-down clothes from friend. I’m still sneezy.
Grabbed the piles of clothes from upstairs for Red and Big Bro. For some reason they just stepped over those piles without putting anything on. I still think it’s a great part of the routine to pick out the clothes the night before…. if they put them on by themselves, I guess that’s an added bonus.
Chocolate Tuesday – even with the Twins. There were four chocolate faces that I kissed this morning. Twin Crazy was very vocal asking for more bread and chocolate. And a banana that fell into her oatmeal. I rinsed it off and we all laughed and both twins continued to talk about the fallen banana.
Diaper changes. I love that time with the Twins. Twin Husky was looking at Twin Crazy’s bear so that threw her off into a tantrum. Full fledged now. The type where she throws her body on the floor. She is a fire-cracker. She was fine when it was her turn and Twin Husky gave her the bear back.
Twin Crazy was fixated on washing her hands in the bathroom sink, even though I already washed her hands with wipes. She is stubborn and if she has something in her mind she needs to follow through with it. There is no side-tracking her (unlike her brother).

Big Bro got dressed just fine. Red was a problem, as usual as of late. Issues with the shirt, issues with the socks, etc. I had to physically maneuver her arms and legs to get her dressed. I should not be doing this with her – and we were tense since we were running extremely late.
We grabbed the kids and headed to the van. It will be tight to do all three drop offs at this time: 8:10AM!!! We rushed the Twins in – Twin Crazy was asking for Sponge Bob. I know this daycare provider keeps the TV on all day long which I hate. And now these Twins can talk and tell us what they do during the day. Big Bro drop off went smooth. Red was a mess. She was half dressed but smiling.
We tore into the ferry parking lot and just made it onto the ferry. I have no make-up on, wet hair, and have no wallet.

This was one of those days where the blood pressure was sky high. On the drive to the ferry parking lot, I looked back in time and asked myself how the hell did I do this 5 days in a row non-stop with four children and multiple drop offs from July 2010 to November 2011? It was crazy!!! A good, competent nanny would have made life a lot easier for us but would have cost more money and the thought of hiring one was daunting for us – even though we interviewed several.

Anyway, I’m glad that I’m only doing this routine two times a week now, thank goodness.

Work will be busy today. I not only have to finish off my documents that I wanted to have completed by year end (dropped the ball here) but there are some meetings scheduled that will take my time. I’m looking forward to getting to a fuller office with people. Talking with adults and hearing how their breaks were.

Highlights of My Working Day:

Got more coffee and a danish on the way to work. Put make up on in the bathroom. OK now I’m ready.
Went through emails, got caught up. Wrote a to-do list
One conference call canceled; yeah
Started to prepare for another call that I would be leading, relating to sales efforts for a new forum. Shit. I haven’t done shit about outreach to prospective clients. So I reached out to everyone on my list and actually got great feedback from 3 prospective clients!!! YEAH!! Procrastination to the new year worked!!! 🙂
I attempted to do the meeting minutes from months ago but just can’t seem to crack that one. I need to offload this task to someone else the next time around. This is ridiculous.
I found out that a teacher of mine from High School passed away from cancer. I just sat there feeling the loss for several moments. I’ve felt so much loss over the year but this was a different kind of loss. And fear. He couldn’t have been more than 20 years older than us and was the closest teacher-friend I had in school. Hearing news like that just reinforced that our time here is limited and everyone should be doing the things that bring happiness. Despite the upheaval in my life right now, I am actually happier now than I’ve been all last year and possibly longer.

It was good to be in the office today. I enjoyed catching up with my colleagues and talking about their breaks with family. I also needed to talk about mine as well. I feel good today but fear this is the calm before the storm. So I am going to soak in the happiness now while I can. And hug my kids and look into their eyes and talk to them – all of them – we have no babies in the house anymore.

I’m on the ferry back and it is sunny out. I head back 1 hour earlier to get Big Bro and the rest, and also to get dinner started. It makes a difference. Dinner is usually done by 6 PM which curbs the crankiness and gives us lots of time to connect with the kids before they go to bed.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Red and she smiled, jumped from her chair, ran over and slammed into my legs with the biggest hug. Her teacher said that she was in a great mood all day since her best friend was back from vacation. We picked up Big Bro and the kids hid behind composting trash cans on the way out. I kept asking where the kids were and if my kids were carrot tops, old bread, potato peels… they were giggling. Big Bro made a calendar at school and circled this Thursday since that is the day his new sheets will arrive. Twin pick up was great. Twin Crazy needs to do her top buckle by herself. Twin Husky enjoys pointing to the moon and talking about the moon.
I cooked dinner – fish, curry cous-cous, frozen string beans. All kids devoured their meal. We actually ran out of food. It was kindof crazy as I was cooking. Twin Crazy was standing on a stool turning on and off the lights and saying “Its dark in her now.” Twin Husky was on top of the small table, and also pulling another small chair around to see at the different counters, put the TV on, and get himself into trouble. Twin Crazy needed a diaper change, BADLY. And then she demanded to wash her hands at the bathroom sink non-stop (actually for the rest of the evening). Big Bro was fine, playing Legos. Red was also fine, until she got into a fight with Big Bro and started a crying fit. I sat with Red, then Twin Crazy wanted to sit with us. Twin Crazy sat on my lap too and we talked about how Red was sad and how she was crying. Twin Crazy helped me console Red by patting her back, rubbing her back, and talking softly to her. I wish I could have taken a picture of it, but my camera was not with me and I did not want to disturb this sisterly moment.
I threw in some laundry before I sat down to dinner so our mothers helper could be busy. We literally have between 7-10 loads of laundry per week.
After dinner was play-time; I was busy running around and chasing the kids, tickling them, wrestling with them. I think I wore them out more than they wore me out.
We received 12 tubes of kid’s toothpaste from Amazon. They are excited to keep toothpaste upstairs for night-time and downstairs for after breakfast brushing.
Big Bro asked where his sheets were now. On a ship? I replied probably on a truck or a plane. I also said that we can track the shipment so I’ll do that with him tomorrow.
Bedtime was easy; their favorite book right now is The Tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter. That book was one of my favorites when I was a kid and I love that they now love that book too. We talk about the pictures and the story and which parts scare them and they always seem to come up with a new question for me. So sweet.

Today was a good day. Despite the mad rush in the morning, the rest of the day was low-key and the morning actually made me appreciate the days where I do not have that crazy commute.

I’m going to take it easy now in my new set up and enjoy my surroundings. I think I’ll also learn how to stream movies/shows from Amazon since I’m an Amazon Prime customer. I should be able to do that for free but don’t know how…

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

p.s. Both Big Bro and Red just came into my room, smiling, climbing into my bed, laughing, climbing all over me, hugging me, laughing, laughing, smiling, hugging… saying to me that they each needed more “Mommy time”. My heart melts. I cannot resist. I hug my babies close to me and feel thankful for the love they give to me.

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: changes, conference call, death, happiness, parenting, Peter Cottontail, working mom, working mother

January 2: My buddies and back to “normal”?

January 2, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Today was the last day off and wraps up several weeks of holiday breaks, school closures, and the resulting extra time off with the kids. It was a quiet day today but still one with errands and activities with my older kids, Big Bro and Red. Hubby and I went our own ways today and he had the Twins.

I gladly embraced the day with Big Bro and Red. They were my little side-kicks. They were so good today – it felt a bit strange not having the full set of kids together – and we did miss Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. In fact, there were several points in the day when something would remind one of us of them and we would all talk about it. Separation of the kids — there’s something that I REALLY do not like about it, especially since they’ve really started to play all together. But, the change in dynamics is really quite incredible. I felt so close to Big Bro and Red today. I felt calm. I felt like I was having actual conversations…

Big Bro was able to ask me questions about how things work (picture frame hooks, factories, online shopping and delivery, delivery tracking, paper clips, light switch dials on cords, jet fighters …. …. …. …. ) and I had the time to focus on his question and follow through with the answers, or at least hypotheses. He has such an inquisitive mind. He really needs to understand how things work. And I enjoy teaching him. I enjoy talking things through with him. I enjoy seeing his expression as he soaks in the information – how his eyebrows furrow and even today he paused a bit, and then told me, “So now I understand what jet fighters do and why they call them that.” He is such a serious child but in a second later his face lights up like a five year old child and reassures me that he is balanced. We bought Star Wars sheets for him through Amazon and he was so excited about it that he jumped up and down on my lap, turned to me, and said “I love you mommy.” oh my heart stopped for a second. A set of sheets. Bedsheets. And I am his hero over bedsheets? Too cute.

Red and I kept talking about getting haircuts together but in the end they never happened – she didn’t want to go. But she was beaming with independence today. She helped me with bags, she can completely buckle herself in her carset, and she had no problems going potty in public restrooms. I think she enjoyed it so much we went a few times and then in mid seating she decided that she didn’t have to go. She had opinions during shopping and she had opinions going through hand-me-down clothes from a friend. She is growing up.

It was a day of errands; eating bagels together, returning some things at Macy’s, then checking out Kohls and Bed Bath and Beyond for bedsheets for the kids (NOTHING was there… hence the Amazon shopping trip in the evening), buying decorative wall hangings at Pier 1 (and the kids had their opinions on what to get and made some EXCELLENT choices), and going out to lunch at In and Out Burger – they were thrilled for chocolate milkshakes.

Big Bro got extra alone time with me when the others were napping. He was helping to fill up a frame set that has clips on it to hang pictures or drawings – so he was busy writing all of our family members names and drawing pictures and finding photos to include in the set. We also did pre-shopping on Amazon for the bedsheets and picked out several options for Red to decide on when she woke up from her nap. We had fun together.

I reunited with the Twins and gave them baths. Dinner and bedtime ran by me like a storm.

So it was a normal sub-urban day, but it was extraordinary for the three of us. It was a nice way to end the long break. Tomorrow will be back to normal; all kids in childcare, 3 drop offs, a commute to the city for work. Things are twisting a bit in our household so there are other changes too – we are all getting used to the “new normal” and I myself am not used to any normal routine – this new routine is kindof unfolding and being refined day-by-day. I know I’m being cryptic but for good reason.

Hope everyone’s day on Tuesday goes well – the return to work, the return to the normal routine – but at least it will be a short week!

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: connecting, love, parenting, shopping, sidekicks, teaching, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: The holiday card that was never sent, and some M&Ms

January 2, 2012 by Mama K 4 Comments

I was struggling a bit for a topic for this Sunday’s Staying Sane piece. Not that there isn’t something to write about… just the contrary. The end of 2011… a year of new beginnings with 2012, goals, commitments we are all making to make ourselves and our families happier…. yes, there is a lot going through my mind and I have a lot to write about. But in due course.

What I decided to do is focus on some fun and folly. And also me dropping the ball on cards this year. For friends who receive cards from us faithfully year after year, you will notice, or maybe you have not noticed, that our card this year did not make it out. We tried. Honestly we did. We were lucky to have a calendar put together this year. In fact, I still have some gifts I need to get together. So, don’t take it personally. It’s not you, or your family, we love all of you and we did receive your card, and my how the kids are growing and everyone looks so happy.

OK. Now that that is done, let’s get back to our card that was never sent out. Well, we like to put a photo of the kids in it. And that involves a photo-shoot and stiff garments. So we need to bribe the kids. It started with bribery of some animal house crackers before the photo shoot and the promise for more after the shoot. Now, just imagine trying to wrestle FOUR kids under 5.5 yrs old into itchy clothes, some of which make them look like guido mobsters. And THEN ask them to look happy, look forward, get together, Big Bro you’re doing great, no don’t walk off Twin Husky, come on guys, Red please smile — why are you pouting, try to get together guys, look happy, OK everyone look over here, over HERE, OVER HERE GUYS, I promise we’ll get cookies, why don’t I just go behind the photo drop and you can sit on my lap, etc. And this is what you get:

After about 10 minutes of this, we called off the photo shoot and just hoped that we got something reasonable – didn’t have to be great, just reasonable. I took them all downstairs for their animal crackers. That’s when I came across the M&Ms…. and it hit me. I started to hand them out. The kids started to look energized. Their dark, sullen, tired eyes started to brighten up and they started to look like sweet little picture-book kids with leaps and bounds of energy — even the guidos…..

We turned around and I instructed all kids to get upstairs for Photo Shoot #2, pronto!!! Now just see if you can envision the sight…. four kids in a parade back up the stairs with me following them with our jug of left-over Halloween candy, searching for more of those little M&M packets as I’m running up the stairs behind them.

And then we saw happy kids. Really. All four of them. And they were interacting. And smiling. And giggling. And acting goofy. And feeding off of each other’s energy. And glowing. And this is what we got:

And during this craziness, we got so many great pictures, with ALL of them looking forward, with ALL of them reasonably close to each other, with ALL of them smiling from ear to ear. And in the stream of pictures we took, we captured IT:

So, I am going to keep this M&M thing in my back-pocket in the future. For big occasions. For times when I need cooperation with all four of them. And I think I’m going to keep a jar of them for me, out of sight for little hands to grab as their own.

Happy new year everyone – I hope you take 2012 by storm!

– Mama K

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: chocolate, holiday photo, M&M, negotiation, parenting, smile, working mom, working mother

December 30: Siblings Playing House while at Home

December 30, 2011 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Friday. My last day alone with all four of the kids during this winter break. We adventured yesterday, but today we woke up to rain and fog. No one felt much like going out. The kids wanted to stay at home and play. And I didn’t feel like arguing. Again it was a day watching the siblings interact with one another. Most of the day revolved around their playing with each other. Playing make believe. Caring for each other. There were some (many) tears, and a bloody lip, but all in all it was a great day filled with warmth and laughter.

The kids enjoyed decorating the back sliding glass door. I asked that the pieces be put up high so Twin Husky could not reach them and eat them. They worked together. Big Bro cut out the pieces on the plastic (unnecessary but he enjoyed doing it), Red peeled them off, and Big Bro and Red put them on the door. Twin Crazy also helped a bit.

Big Bro and Red were teaching both Twin Crazy and Twin Husky about their new LeapPads. Both seemed interested, I think.

Twins were jumping up and down like jumping beans, testing out their mattresses in their cribs before naptime. They were cracking me up and I took a video of it, but here’s a photo for now.

After naps it was sooooooooooooo cute but all four of them were playing “house”. They had pillows and blankets on the floor, and Big Bro was Daddy and Red was Mommy – the Twins were the kids. And the twins were loving it!!! The parents kept checking on the kids, telling them it was night night, asking them if they wanted water, and Red was patting each of them on the back. It was too cute. When I asked Twin Crazy about the game later that night and asked who the mommy was, she indicated [Red]. Same thing with Daddy [Big Bro].

I cleaned a lot today. We have not had a mothers helper in two days now. I was busy in the kitchen and also doing laundry all day. Picking things up and organizing around the house during the kids naps.

We took it easy with pizza for dinner. The kids watched some tv afterwards. Big Bro threw several tantrums about ice-cream. We didn’t give in.

I had a busy, physical day – lots of lifting of kids and consoling. It seemed like Twin Husky was crying most of the time when the kids were all playing. Twin Crazy is very aggressive and I think the poor guy (Husky) might be a bit mistreated by them. I think that’s why he’s resorting to biting (which also happened, or almost happened, today).

I’m tired. Physically and emotionally. I’m looking forward to the end of 2011 but I fear that 2012 will be much harder on me and my family. I need to make sure the kids are cared for and know that they are loved. Not just say the words to them, but do what takes to make each of them FEEL it. KNOW it. BELIEVE it. Unquestionably.

Til next week – and 2012!
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: flex time, home, imagination, parenting, part-time, play, pretend, siblings, working mom, working mother

December 29: A Day for the Siblings

December 29, 2011 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Today was a day at home with the children. No work. I had all four of them since Big Bro’s public school is still closed, and since Red became VERY upset at the thought of everyone home except for her. So I gladly kept her home from pre-school today as well. You would think – 4 kids – all day – man that woman must be wiped out. Truth is, I’m not. I’m surprisingly very, very relaxed. No tension in my neck. No sadness. No aching. No worrying. I’m just, well, “being”. And it feels wonderful.

We spent the day eating, playing, building legos, playing doll-house, setting up LeapPads, having the kids teach me about their LeapPads, napping, going to the library, cooking….. some fighting, some biting/hitting/yelling. But it was mostly laughing. It was mostly excitement. The kids really enjoyed being together. And playing together. Big kids interacting with the little kids – in a good way and also not-so-good way. But they were together. And they were being kids, being siblings with each other. I loved it.

Some of the highlights that really grabbed me today:

Waking up to Red smiling next to my bed. She was in a great mood. Then suddenly, and out of nowhere, she turned crabby. I think it’s because she realized that she was not staying home ALONE with me – that the rest of the kids were going to be there too. So I sat with her. I rocked with her in silence. She needed to calm herself down and I needed to hold her.

Big Bro holding Twin Crazy – he asked her and she said “yes”. They were both really having fun – Twin Crazy with a HUGE grin on her face that she was being taken care of by her big brother. He did the same with Twin Husky but it did not grab me in the same way…

It took an amazingly LONG time to get out the door today. I really don’t know why. Red was really a problem this morning. She was taking her time and changing her mind about pants. Pants. I must have touched and retouched 50 pairs of pants. I eventually told her that I was losing my patience and we were close to not going anywhere so she better decide and SOON. I think she needs more of my time but I don’t like giving it to her in this way — its too draining; no fun at all.

Walking into the library with my four munchkins in a line; the librarians all know our family. They are patient with us and our noise. Each of the Twins introduced the librarian with their comfort toys (a tiger for Twin Husky, a lovely blanket for Twin Crazy). Twin Crazy and Twin Husky wanted to spend most of their time drinking from the water fountain. They started fighting and I knew it was time to gather the kids quickly when I heard Twin Crazy screaming at the fountain and Twin Husky bending over to bite her. As we were checking out our books, I asked the librarian if she could make our check-out into several “transactions”. She “got it” immediately and was so good with the kids. The kids wanted to check out their own books with the one library card so she rung them each up separately (except for Twin Husky, who was wandering around with his thumb in his mouth, not interested in checking out books).

Grabbing ice cream with the kids at 11 AM. We were the only ones there. Big Bro wanted to go there in daylight so we could eat in the outside courtyard. I usually get little cups for the Twins but they amazed me – they sat there and held their little cones and ate their cones without any major spills or losses of food. They sat on a bench that circled a HUGE tree and were so cute. Afterwards, the sugar started to kick in and they started to play follow-the-leader on top of the bench that encircled the tree. I sat there quietly and watched them. I was taking it all in. I took some movies. I captured how Big Bro was interacting with the little ones and how the little ones were having so much fun doing the same thing the older kids were doing. They are a pack of four now. It is now that REALLY feel like I have four, distinct, separate, individual, and lively children. I am very lucky that they are all happy, healthy, and honestly look out for each other.

While Red was napping, her LeapPad arrived. I thing Big Bro was more excited about it than she was today. Anyway, Big Bro wanted to surprise her so he set it out by her bed so she could see it and be surprised when she woke up from her nap. I love how he can be so sweet. I love how he thinks of his siblings. I love how he just “gets” them. Knows what makes them happy. Knows what they need. He is really amazing.

I wanted Big Bro to rest/nap – but he wanted to put his Lego space shuttle together first. Together we worked to get it finished, quickly. I looked at each instruction page and gathered the pieces needed, and handed them to Big Bro to stick them on. I know he enjoyed me helping him with his Lego set, just the two of us. But I think I enjoyed it more than him.

I made a roast today. I am having fun “nesting” with my babes. I sat on the floor and showed Twin Crazy and Twin Husky the peeler and taught them about the skin on the carrots and potato. I showed them how I peel the skin off and they felt the strips and laughed at the ones that went flying over the trash bucket I was using. Both were running to grab the strips and threw them in the trash bucket for me. I had them smell the peeled carrots and the peeled potato and explained that we could really smell the food now that the skins were off. I love spending time like this with them. I know that our daycare provider does not interact with them in this way. I love teaching them new things. And talking about the world around them. After dinner, Red was sitting on my lap and then leaning over, laughing and saying “ouch – mommy – my head is going into the hot lava”, pretending that the floor was a river of lava. She cracks me up.

We closed out the night watching a Sponge Bob show about Christmas and Santa. I had Twin Crazy on my lap. I then had Red laying next to me with a blanket. Then Red was on my knee, with a blanket, covering Twin Crazy and putting her arm around her, still on my lap. Then Twin Husky came over and sat on my other knee. So I had three kids in my lap, with my arms around them and talking with them about the show. Too cute.

I had four kids today, got impatient with them yes, but had a different kind of fun with them. They were all together. I mostly sat back and watched the interaction. I was essentially a person shuffling them between different activities but really stood on the sidelines and just watched them. Watched them talk. Watched them laugh. Watched them care for each other. Watched them share.

Where I could, I stole one-on-one time. But it was mostly a day for the siblings. And tomorrow will be another such day. I’m looking forward to it.

It’s amazing how my life has changed — thinking back to my 20s, my 30s — one decade totally selfish while the next totally self-less. And now. How I revel in moments with my children whereas before it was a good dinner out, or dancing with friends, or doing shots in Hoboken, or… … … … I know that these days when my kids are very young will fly by. I’ve heard it soooo many times before. That’s why I’m choosing to be with them now and soak them in now while I have this time. While I can make them laugh. While three can sit in my lap. I’m soaking it in and smiling – knowing that I’m lucky.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: communication, flex time, happiness, living, love, parenting, part-time, siblings, teaching, working mom, working mother

Recipe: Pasta the “Mama K” Way

December 29, 2011 by Mama K Leave a Comment

OK I know we all have those days/nights when we just want to throw in the towel and say, “fine. pasta it is.” And I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ok with that. The issue I have is that I don’t want to train my kids into being “plain pasta” people. I just think that is so boring and could lead to bad habits for us and the kiddos. So I like to at least put something in it — and this basically works and makes me feel a bit better – they may not be getting tremendous nutrition but at least I’m trying….

Ingredients:

dry pasta
olive oil
frozen, chopped spinach
ground sage, to taste
salt, pepper to taste
butter (optional)

Directions:

Boil pasta
When about 1-2 minutes left to boil, throw in some frozen chopped spinach — for a pound of pasta I would throw in a handful, so not that much. Just enough so that it looks like “spices”; not too overwhelming for the kiddos
strain out water in a colander with smaller holes, that way less spinach escapes
pour mixture back in pot — add seasonings, more olive oil, and some butter (optional)

Prep time: 1 minute

Cook time: 10 min to boil; 10-12 min to cook

I sometimes use this as the main dish for lunch, or as a side dish at dinner. This is also great left-over — just “freshen up” in hot water for 1-2 minutes and add some more olive oil. Easy schmeasy.

Enjoy!!!

– Mama K

Filed Under: Recipes Tagged With: ground sage, pasta, recipe, spinach, working mom, working mother

December 28: Working with Big Bro

December 28, 2011 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Wednesday – a work from home day. Big Bro’s school is closed so I decided to keep him home with me instead of pay for “camp” – especially since I am home, and only working 4 hours today. He was looking forward to the day. Red – well, not so much. I think she was jealous.

Highlights of the Morning and “Commute”:

I got up extra early, showered, started a big pot of coffee. I did not get much sleep last night. So I needed the extra caffeine and would be home to drink it. I got Twin Crazy and Twin Husky up – they are always already up, but just hanging out in their cribs at 7 AM. So I went to their room, they jumped up and were excited about starting their day. I did quick changes for them while they were in the room so they were contained and that task would be done with.

Red was up, Big Bro was still slumbering. I let him sleep. There was no need to get him up; as long as he was up by 8 AM for us to drop folks off.

Twin Crazy, Twin Husky, and Red were busy eating cereal and oatmeal. Twins are talking and repeating words non-stop. I love it. Absolutely love it.

The morning went smoothly. Except for when Red heard that Big Bro was staying home and she was not. That threw her into a fit, I rocked her, and then asked her if she wanted to help me with my coffee. That worked. She put sugar and cream in my cup – and all kids looked at it. Then I poured the coffee and talked about how the coffee was first dark, but when you put cream in it, it turns light. Of course the Twins were repeating all of this in their own way.

We headed out; I dropped off Hubby at the ferry and we talked about the boat. I dropped off Twin Crazy and Twin Husky, and then we dropped off Red. She was pretending to be mad at me, but just couldn’t play the part consistently. She kept laughing at me – couldn’t hold it back.

Highlights of the Working Day:
Remember… I’m working from home, for 4 hours, and I have my son with me. And its a slow week. During the holidays…

While back at home, Big Bro and I ate pancakes and the cutest thing was said: “Mommy, can you eat these pancakes with me because I have a TON of whipped cream on this plate.” How cute. He is a guy that feels loved by doing things together – and this comes out so strongly now that I am aware of it.

I filled out administrative forms and benefits while Big Bro played with his new LeapPad and watched some Dora. He got anxious and played a bit outside.

In the middle of work I decided to use the leftover ham from Christmas and made split pea soup. In typical fashion for me, I overdid it. I just wanted to use all of the dried split peas we had. So I wound up making I think 2 gallons of split pea soup. It’s actually a bit ridiculous. I don’t think I have enough containers to hold it all to freeze. I may have to give some away to neighbors. Too funny. Some people give cookies, I may give soup. Note: My holiday cards are STILL not sent out.

I finished up the forms and needed to fax them in. So me and Big Bro head out to Office Max to fax and FedEx. It took a lot longer than expected. Poor Big Bro. While going to the store he said he was too tired to put his shoes on (jokingly). He was doing and saying a lot today to make me laugh. He is becoming a simple and funny guy – with a smart sense of humor – one that makes me laugh at a drop of a hat (OK, I’m biased. Maybe he’s not that funny after all).

The Rest of the Day:

We went to lunch together. We talked. I blogged a bit while he LeapPaded. He made a comment that we were both doing computers together. Again, his mention of togetherness. It means so much to him.

We got some food from Trader Joe’s. Again, he was my buddy. We talked during the shopping trip about the stuff we needed or would like to get. He was great company and sooooo well behaved.

We made it home and I packaged up the soup – ridiculous, I know.

I cleaned up and got ready for the arrival of the rest of the kids. In doing so, I sat with Big Bro and together we completed his Lego space shuttle together. I had fun doing that with him. I’m amazed at how quickly he has mastered this thing. He follows all of the pages and puts this thing together effortlessly. I think his request for “help” again was a ploy for together, Mommy time. I happily caved.

Pick up for Red was fine; on the way to pick up the twins, Red asked if she could stay home tomorrow with me, all by herself. I reminded her that NEXT Wednesday would be her day. I reminded her that I have Twin Crazy, Twin Husky, and Big Bro tomorrow at home, and asked her if she would want to stay home too. She immediately said “YES!!!” and then they both started talking about how everyone wants to stay home with mommy tomorrow. It melted my heart. I asked if they liked it better with extra time with me and less time for me at work and they agreed – they like it better. I know, this was a “leading” question, but hey, I needed an emotional boost. 🙂

Getting everyone home was fine. We saw an amazing sunset and I pulled over with them to talk about it and the colors. The kids still saw lots of lights on the houses so we drove around talking about lights. By the way, I don’t know if I mentioned Twin Crazy’s new skill – buckles. She MUST buckle her top buckle on her car seat. I love her intensity and the fact that we can communicate with each other.

While at home, I cooked Tandoori Chicken with yogurt sauce (Amazing!!! Thanks again Mama S!) while the kids went a little bit nuts I must confess. They were VERY loud and VERY physical and teasing each other and being bratty kids. Poor Twin Husky was being battered on. He spent most of this time crying, or being held by me while resting his head on my shoulder and sucking his thumb.

Dinner was amazing; half the kids ate well. Red was tired and pouty. The rest were running around the house at least not thrashing each other. I’m OK with running around the big circle of our house as long as they are keeping their hands to themselves and not screaming. Tonight after dinner they were cracking up and I loved to see Big Bro interact with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky (a four year difference). Big Bro asked me to see how fast he could run and of course I applauded him and then Twin Crazy the rest of the night asked me to see how fast she could run. How cute. Each time they ran around they stopped where I was and laughed, rested, or I tickled them. It was fun and they had me laughing.

Then suddenly one of the kids mentioned chocolate ice-cream and then ALL of them started whining for chocolate ice-cream. I couldn’t take it. It was early but I sent everyone upstairs to bed. The older ones were really putting up a fuss about the ice-cream thing which just ticked me off. Big Bro and Red were both hysterical about it; Red was being carried up by Hubby and she was kicking and screaming. I rarely see anything like this from her. We talked about how they felt, and how sad/mad/unhappy/disappointed they must feel. And I said how I used to feel the same way when I was a kid and my parents didn’t give me dessert when I thought I was going to get some… how I would be thinking about it and expecting it and then my mom or dad wouldn’t let me have it, how it made me mad/sad/disappointed. And how it is OK to have those feelings. THEY SETTLED DOWN SO QUICKLY I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. I then commended them on how they pulled themselves together and how they moved on. How they calmed their bodies down and started to accept it – they still feel mad, but at least they are calm about it. I love connecting with them this way – I find though that you really need to be patient with them; it is easier for me to do this when I have days like today – versus days when I am stressed and/or tired from long or complex day at work. Or, even after a long day with all of the kids. I really only had Big Bro today and he was a breeze, solo.

Big Bro and Red and I wrote down a list of things we are DEFINITELY going to do tomorrow (e.g., eat breakfast, vitamins, etc.) and some fun things we COULD do (beach, museum, library, etc.). I’m looking forward with my time with all of them tomorrow but hope I get more sleep tonight!!!

I had a bizarre work day, and do not feel so good about my productivity, but I toss it up to the week between the holidays…. right??!?! Am I the only one out there?

I’m feeling happy and much more comfortable in my own skin today – thanks for those who reached out to me yesterday and today to send me cyber-strength. It means so much, seriously.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: connecting, emotions, flex time, parenting, part-time, Trader Joe's, working mom, working mother

January 6: All five of us looking out for each other

January 5: My daughter sings me to sleep

January 4: A day with Red

January 3: Hectic, hectic morning… still recovering…

January 2: My buddies and back to “normal”?

Staying Sane: The holiday card that was never sent, and some M&Ms

December 30: Siblings Playing House while at Home

December 29: A Day for the Siblings

Recipe: Pasta the “Mama K” Way

December 28: Working with Big Bro

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