Daily Journal – Mama In Motion™

May 3: Birthday cupcakes

May 3, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Today was my day off from work. I had the Twins as usual, but today I also wanted to steal Red from her daycare. Her birthday is coming up over the weekend and I wanted her to have cupcakes to bring into the class. So I wanted her to spend time with me shopping and preparing for baking event.

Highlights of the Morning:

I went up to the twins at 7 AM and both were just waking up. I wanted Red to sleep a bit longer since we didn’t have to rush. I also wanted Big Bro to rest in a bit since he gets ready so fast now once he’s up. Twin Crazy wanted to wear stockings so we put them on, underneath a comfy pair of pants. She is so cute.

Twin Crazy was cuddly and very clingy today. I spent most of the morning walking around with her. She wasn’t interested that much in breakfast, but was VERY interested in Red’s butterfly tattoos that she spotted on the counter. I said she could hold them but that they were Red’s.

We went upstairs to Red and Big Bro. Red noticed the tattoos right away. I told Red that I already explained to Twin Crazy that they were hers [conflict avoiding]. So they sat there together looking at the butterflies and talking about the different colors that they saw on each one.

Eventually Twin Husky came up to see us too. “Mommy….mommy….” I love it. My littlest guy. The youngest of the four by 1 minute. So I had all kids upstairs with me and I needed to get them back down! I helped to lay out the clothes that Big Bro picked out and told him to make sure he changed his underwear and socks. [Yuck]

Highlights of the Day:

Red and I finished breakfast and talked while Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were busy playing with each other and talking. They both were strolling around with toy strollers and then feeding the Tigers water which turned into a big mess.

We got ready to go shopping for the cupcake supplies. We talked on the way over there about other food we needed too. They were great to shop with. They all followed me around, didn’t grab too many things, and we even ran into a neighbor. “OK guys, now what do we need?…… let’s go over here…. come on guys….”. Then a child says “How about this?!?!???” – even the twins are doing it now. They had a great time in the cake aisle. I do get a lot of looks from people when I go shopping like this. I DO hear them as they whisper behind me “How does she do it?”. Little do they know that I have ANOTHER one at school at the moment so yes it is FOUR. I love it.

After shopping we had a snack, played peek-a-boo, and did our nails. Red was in charge since it was her polish.

We then made home-made play dough and that kept them busy for awhile.

Lunch was a disaster. I made beans, cheese, and salami and was busy in the kitchen doing something and when I came back to the dining room, all of the food was thrown all over the place. I couldn’t believe it. These kids are normally so good. And Red should know better!!! So I had all the kids on the floor picking up the food and saying that I felt mad and that this was bad behavior. So they all went up for their naps immediately afterwards with empty stomachs. No one put up a fuss though about going to sleep. I think they were too scared to.

I did some work while they were napping. I threw a whole chicken into a crock-pot with lots of spices for dinner.

Once they got up, we went to pick up Big Bro. He rode his bike back home and we followed him.

Dinner and Bedtime:

We started on the cupcake project which was a lot of fun.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were helping me with carrots for the dinner.

They ate well. Afterwards, we decorated 4 cupcakes and they each had one. Twin Crazy’s was the littlest (barely there even) but she didn’t notice. She was enthralled by the colored candy sprinkles and frosting.

I did 4 batches of cupcakes and ran out of paper cups. I sent Big Bro to our neighbor’s house to pick up some more. And then I asked for more and she went to the fence to drop them off – but I didn’t see that text – but Red saw her hands coming through the fence…. “Mommy… mommy!!! I see a hand! I see a hand!!” I had no idea what she was talking about. I was looking all over the kitchen for a shadow of a hand or something and then I looked out the window and my poor neighbor was waving these cupcake cups in the air. Too funny. I was hysterical and the kids were too.

Kids were jumpy after all the sugar but they did such a great job working together to decorate the cupcakes.

I had Big Bro and Red for bedtime routine and got them to calm their bodies down so that they could be reasonable at storytime. They were great. Big Bro actually read the book that Red picked out and I could tell that he was proud, as was I.

So now I’m in bed and very drained. I loved the time with the kids but there is so much going on right now in terms of the divorce, me buying a house, and work/final deliverables…. I feel like I’m getting hit in all directions and there is no one on my side. But I refuse to give up. I’m from the East Coast and we’re made of stronger stuff out there. Must be the water.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: birthday, cupcakes, home, parenting, play dough, twins, working mom, working mother

May 2: Milkshakes and straws

May 2, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

It was a morning of lots of hugs and cuddles. A nice way to start the day. Since I worked from home on Monday, I am going into the office today – out of normal routine.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I got to the Twins as they were waking up. Poor Twin Husky did not have his Tigers with him and he asked for them immediately. I asked if he had them last night and he said No. I suggested we look for them downstairs.

Twin Crazy was gradually getting up and I got her to the potty.

Big Bro and Red were slow getting up today.

Downstairs, Twin Crazy was VERY clingy and we all went into the garage to look for Twin Husky’s Tigers. They were in the van. Poor guy. He must have missed them last night. But he looked really happy to see them this morning.

Twin Crazy was so clingy…. Mommy, mommy, mommy…. So Twin Husky wanted to be held too. I got them both on the couch and on my lap and we looked into the camera and saw ourselves and I made sure to have the Tigers in there too. They were laughing at that.

Red was fine this morning

Big Bro was battling us with his clothes. I am still convinced that he did not change his underwear or his socks from yesterday. Checking the socks is difficult because he has 12 pairs that look exactly alike. I ask him point blank if he got changed and he says “yes”… not looking at me. So I go over to him and look at him in his eyes and ask him the same question and he laughs and says “yes”. This concerns me. This kid knows how to fib and I don’t want it to progress further. We have discussions about “trust” and how once you lose someone’s trust it is VERY hard to get it back. So it’s important to have people still have trust in you. I need to think of another trick to make sure he’s getting dressed. Any suggestions Mamas?

Drop offs were fine. I packed shoes for the Twins but they both wanted to wear sneakers with laces (big mistake… i need to throw them out) so I had each of them holding one of those shoes. I’m pretty sure this will cause some sort of fight between them today. I’ll throw them out tonight.

Red drop off was great; we asked another mom about coming to the birthday party on Saturday for a friend that Red forgot about (as did I). I need to send this woman the info.

I’m on the ferry now and feeling OK. I was so wiped out yesterday. I feel like today is a fresh start. I have some things related to the divorce that I need to attend to and then I MUST devote the bulk of today to my client project. I hate client projects at this point. I shouldn’t be doing them. I can’t succeed at them with four kids. My work knows this. I was only staffed on it because there were no available managers at the time it was started. I can’t wait to be done with it so I can focus on my real job.

Highlights of My Working Day:
It was a busy day and I got a lot of work done.

I started the day with some personal items – sending out birthday emails, making photocopies, etc.

I then switched gears pretty significantly to client work. I set the team up in a conference room for us to work with each other all day. I reviewed a document, had a conference call with the client to review the document. It was a good call with good, reasonable suggestions by the client. We are on track.

Because of this, I took the team to lunch. It was wonderful.

We then went back to work — I spent time creating analysis for a section of the work. It was good to have the team together. We bounced ideas off of each other and got the work done quickly. The most efficient way to get client projects done, I believe, is having the team together face-to-face even if each team-member is working on their own section of work.

I will have more to do tonight, likely after the kids go to bed.

I am on the ferry now feeling reasonably good. I know that I have work to do tonight but I think it will be manageable. I also have tomorrow “off” and plan to keep the Twins for myself – and likely pick up Red early so that she can ride her bike back from her daycare. We will also need to make cupcakes for her tomorrow so she can bring them into class on Friday. I am looking forward to being with them tomorrow.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Red first and her teacher was proud of the strawberries that were starting to grow from their class project. So we went to find the strawberries and I told Red that she was a great farmer.

We picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky next. They are great. Twin Husky wanted to go into Big Bro’s car seat, and Twin Crazy wanted to drive. She was busy pressing buttons and then I had a hard time figuring out how to get the doors to automatically shut. I eventually found the buttons and Twin Crazy was anxious to see if I could fix the problem. Lucky for her!

We went to pick up Big Bro and there were two boys left for me to invite to the birthday party. But I didn’t have their parents email address – they are kids that he plays with at “aftercare” so I wrote their moms personal notes. Hopefully they can come – Big Bro is excited. He rode his bike home but stopped 1/2 way because it was too windy for him.

We got home and I started to make dinner; Big Bro helped me mix some spices that I use for Mama K’s Mac-n-Cheese.

THE KIDS ATE LIKE TEENAGERS. Mac-n-cheese, fish, leftover pizza, string beans. All kids ate all of their food… so I decided to forego the fruit dessert and head straight for a milkshake… the kids were so excited and downed their milkshakes, and then had fun with the paper straws.

I cleaned up from dinner, then played with the kids. I had Twin Crazy and Twin Husky tonight and they were wonderful. They read pictures to me and even made the sounds of the animals. I am amazed at how well Twin Crazy can say her words. She is so understandable. I wasn’t expecting that of twins. She speaks her words SO CLEARLY and enunciates the sounds so well. “Duck”, “pig”, “cat”, etc. are all pronounced with the full sounds – beginning to end. I love it. And Twin Husky loves to talk about parts of the stories. His favorite book now is the Busy Spider or something like that from Eric Carle. He loves the part where the spider is sleeping and he loves to count the stars. We do our routine… climb into the cribs, touch their faces, “I……. love…… you……” in a whisper. Goodnight. Sweet dreams. Bye bye. Blow kisses.

I went in and gave Red and Big Bro kisses on their heads.

I’m downstairs now after a shower and a good face cleaning (Clarisonic, love it). I’m looking forward to tomorrow on my day off from work – a chance for me to decompress with the kids. My goal with them tomorrow is to bake cupcakes for Red’s birthday party at school.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: client project, cooking, lunch, macaroni and cheese, milkshakes, parenting, working mom, working mother

May 1: Chocolate Tuesday, almost botched

May 1, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Tuesday. Chocolate Tuesday. But we forgot until Big Bro and REd woke up to remind us….

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:
<li Twins were downstairs acting silling, asking for "Daddy's cereal". Music was on and I was asking Twin Husky if he wanted to dance. He laughed instead. I asked where they want their kisses. He pointed to the top of his head. Twin Crazy said "nossssing (nothing).

I went upstairs to check on Big Bro and REd. Big Bro was awake but resting. I sat on his bed and he said that “bagels and just like donughts without the chocolate.” I said, yes, they are similar. We then talked about the ingredients of bagels, donughts, and cake. How each have flour but the amount of sugar used surely changes. And probably the other ingredients too. I suggested we look up the ingredeints used for all three to see how the ingredeiants are similar and different. I was caressing his hair and face during hte conversation and he laughed saying that it iwas making him fall asleep again.

Red was up by this time. We were laughing about how I need to help her carry her things downstairs. Her HUGE backpack is ridiculous. And I offered to take down her pile of clothes for the day. Big Bro asked me to come up for him next.

I came back up for Big Bro and he wanted to get changed first before coming downstairs. But he tricks me into thinking he’s changed his underwear and socks. I checked the underwear and told him he’s taking a short-cut and sometimes in life taking the short-cut actually winds up taking you more time and effort. I made him change his pants and change his underwear. I’m not sure about the socks. He may have tricked me there. I smelled the socks and they seemed OK but again I’m not sure.

Downstairs Red was upset about something. He seat was empty so that was not it. I remembered she was telling me that the twins went into my room to play with my marbles. So maybe she was sulking because I didn’t continue that conversation. So I asked her about the marbles and for her to show me and she lept up and we ran to my room and she showed me the decorative marbles on teh floor. She helped me to pick them up and I thanked her and said that the Twins were ridiculous. 🙂 She was happy again.

All kids eating chocolate Tuesday. Twin Husky stealing Twin Crazy’s which did not go over well.

We talked about a birthday gathering for Big Bro and Red this weekend – this Saturday…. this is such late notice that I don’t know what kind of crowd we will be able to muster up. I will reach out to parents today.

Big Bro was excited about the bike ride.

I gave Red all the vitamins for all the kids for her to distribute. I asked her if I could trust her not to eat them all herself. She promised and did a great job.

Drop off for twins was good; Twin Crazy was cranky about a lost lovey blanket. Twin Husky was happy.

Drop off for Red was great; she asked if she could ride her bike home one day from school. I suggested we do this on a day that I pick her up early or on a weekend – that way she isn’t too hungry/cranky on the way home. She agreed that this was a good idea. They are having a cinqo de Mayo party this Friday. Her birthday is actually on Cinqo de Mayo so now I need to bake cupcakes. What a week!!

I am on the ferry right now and am actually a bit overwhelmed by everything happening in my life right now. Just too much. I have a mortgage that should hopefully be approved today, so therefore funding on my end to happen today. I have 3 different “projects” related to the divorce that I need to stay on top of. I have two birthday parties to get organized for this Saturday. I have one client project that is due next Tuesday (Yikes). And one big conference call meeting that I need to organize for mid-May. Honestly, all are top priority. How can I prioritize top-priority things?

I make a list and bang it out. I move quickly. I need to know what is to be done and allocate the time for it and get it done and move to the next thing FAST. I need to make sure that I eat a good breakfast on days like this so I will buy something substantial today. Then get in the office and get my head down and stay focused. Start on the smallest thing first and get it out of the way and then keep moving and moving until I’m attacking what NEEDS to be done without question. The birthday note to parents will likely be top of the list – I don’t want to drop the ball on two children this weekend.

Highlights of My Working Day:
I was quiet busy…. both professionally and personally. No lunch!

The first thing I did today was start to reach out to parents to make some sort of party happen for Big Bro and Red. I’ve nailed down many friends but still have to reach out to others. I hope I can make this day special for them.

Conference call related to a forum that we are planning; I am leading efforts. We decided to make it a conference call versus a face to face so we can get broader client participation. I need to re-communicate with participants, continue to sell participation, and also get materials together to make the meeting a success. I spent some time afterward re-crafting go-to-market messaging and also indicating next steps for our internal team.

Had another conference call as a follow up from our meeting when I was traveling. I don’t like this potential partner and do not trust him. Internally we are going to invest to get feedback from our clients before we spend too much time investing further in this effort.

There was alot of back and forth related to the mortgage.

I spent time doing divorce-related things like organizing documents, printing, scanning. This is such an amazing waste of time.

I tried to get my act in gear related to the client project, but just couldn’t do it. I’ve mapped out all day tomorrow to work with the team so hopefully I’ll contribute something then.

I’m on the ferry and am really tired. It’s only Tuesday. I feel crushed. My arms hurt from the reams of paper I’ve carried home today. I’m not sure about dinner. But I’m happy about getting the kids.

Dinner and Bedtime:

Pick ups went fine; first Red, then Twins, then Big Bro.

Big Bro rode his bike home. I went extra slow and gave him a big lead so he could beat us at the end of the lagoon trail.

I called for a pizza delivery for dinner.

As I was getting the kids and stuff unpacked, the back yard neighbors suddenly started appearing in the house. Then I turned around and ALL of the backyard neighbor’s kids were at hour place. So I had 8 kids in total. I was making a huge joke out of it saying that the kids are multiplying and growing like weeds…. so funny. The kids were having a ball and cracking up.

Pizza guy came and out went the neighbors kids

We had some tantrums with Red and Big Bro; I’m not sure if Twin Husky ate anything.

Smoothies after dinner; YUM

After dinner we did puzzles and counted the ladybugs in our habitat. Big Bro wrote a note for the kids behind us, wanting them to come over for a slumber party. He left the note by their garage with a rock on top so they could get the note in the morning.

I had Red and Big Bro tonight for bedtime; Twins were acting crazy.

I am so tired right now I can’t get over it. I feel like the energy is drained right out of me. I feel like my money on my lawyer is the worse use of money ever; I somehow need to pull back;
Goodnight;
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, parenting, tired, working mom, working mother

April 30: A Mama Bear alone with her cubs

April 30, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Monday. I decided to work from home 1/2 day today (instead of Wednesday) because I THOUGHT the mortgage would be ready for me to sign and then put $$$ in escrow for closing. I was wrong…

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

My first encounter with a child was with Big Bro. I was in the shower and he was downstairs and already dressed for the day. He wanted to go pee-pee and was upset that I was in the bathroom. I suggested that I turn the other way while I was in the shower and not look so he could have some privacy. He told me to promise not to look. I did, laughing.

Big Bro literally had all of his things ready to go at 7:30. Back packed, shoes found and ready, helmet set to go. It was Monday and he was the leader for the Motley Crew bike ride to school… AND he had his NEW bike so he was really looking forward to getting started today. So cute.

Red put on a necklace and said it looked like mine. She was so cute and I told her that she was my “twin”. Her birthday is coming up and I keep calling her my sweet little birthday princess. She really looked like a princess today with her shiny necklace.

I held Twin Husky as I made my coffee. We talked together about the steps of making the coffee and where the grinds go and the water goes. He knows exactly where everything goes and what happens next. We then went into the laundry room to check out the washing machine.

Twin Crazy saw the attention received by her brother and then asked for me to pick her up. I can’t resist. She looks at me with those big round eyes and then sings “mommy, mommy, mommy….” and my heart melts.

We got ready really quickly today for some reason. While we were finishing gathering our things, Red, Twin Crazy, Twin Husky played with a puzzle. Its sweet how they all communicate now… sometimes for the good, sometimes for the worse. Their laughter with each other is growing more intense by the day… as is their fights with one another. It’s now going in all directions…. between the older ones, between the littler ones, and across all of the ages. Siblings.

I took the twins in the stroller and participated in Big Bro’s leading debut of the Motley Crew bicycle gang. The Twins looked at the sprinkler system as we were waiting for everyone. I told them how it works.

I overheard one of his friends telling his mom that he wanted a bike just like Big Bro’s. It was “so cool”. I can’t believe I’m hearing this already. I didn’t think I would hear this peer pressure so soon. They are in Kindergarten for goodness sakes!

I strolled the Twins to daycare. They were OK with going there and seemed happy as I left.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I made it back in time to rearrange some meetings and let work know that I was working from home today. They all know of my house purchase and process of the mortgage…

I had a debrief meeting on the candidates we interviewed. I believe we are going to move forward with one, and I fully support that decision. She was a rock-star candidate.

I had a conversation with a Director about two forums we are trying to launch; we determined go-forward plan for both.

I followed up for the status of our client project. I’m starting to get worried.

I followed up with some work we need to circle back for one of the forums. I need to organize the info so I can thoughtfully articulate it back to our clients.

The Rest of the Day:

I did spend time trying to figure out the status of my mortgage and signing of loan docs. It seems like we are delayed again. I kept waiting for the green light as the deadline for the bank wire approached and then passed. I went to the bank to get a certified check in case the green light came through in the afternoon. I started to drive to the title company. Once I got there the green light still was not in, nor was it coming today. So I drove home, just in enough time to pick up Big Bro.

While picking up Big Bro I spoke with the agent and the Seller. They realize this is not my fault and are working with me and being unbelievably patient. I lost the connection but got it back while I was picking up the Twins. I reiterated my appreciation to the seller for his patience and indicated that women are strong and NEVER get in between a mama bear and her cubs!!!!! I see this house as an opportunity for better things for my family. I’m doing this for my children and want to see this happen for them.

We got to Red’s and then Big Bro rode his bike home.

We had a great dinner, and then had some dessert… leftover cupcakes from Red’s school. All kids were following me around like “dawn of the dead”…. I cut up the cupcakes, dished out the pieces in paper plates, and asked the kids to sit at the table. THEY RAN. I distributed the dessert AND THE PLACE WAS SILENT as they were busy gobbling up their dessert. I cleaned up as they enjoyed their sugar.

Afterwards, there was a lot of running around upstairs. I finished cleaning up and made it upstairs and told the kids to calm their bodies down… threatening loss of bike privileges if they do not listen. They eventually calmed down, I had Twins ready in their room for books, and invited Big Bro and Red to join us. They were wonderful. I had all kids around me and quiet. And Big Bro and Red were excited about sharing in the routine with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. Big Bro even read a book to them. I am so proud on so many levels.

Twins did their kissing routine, as did I. “I….. love….. you…… sweet dreams….” Blow kisses.

Big Bro read a book to me, and then I did the same for him and Red. I am stunned at the fact that he is now reading. I just can’t believe it. It seemed to happen so quickly. He’s only in Kindergarten!!!! I don’t remember doing this in Kindergarten. Are we pushing our kids to hard to fast??? I wonder… But he is like a sponge and he is so quick and logical and questioning and a person learning about who he is and HE LOVES BOOKS!!! 🙂

I am typing now in the hallway since Red was scared and needy. Big Bro passed out asleep in about 2 minutes and I hear his deep breathing now.

Tonight went well. I was on my own and it went fine. I am a bit worn out from the shear emotional exhaustion that comes from buying a house. And also the various aspects of the divorce. I am not too concerned about work right now but I should be. Our client final deliverable is next week and my head is NOWHERE near that project right now. That needs to be fixed tomorrow. I also need some closure on my mortgage. I need that green light. That mortgage approval is coming between my cubs and their new home and I don’t like the feeling of being in limbo.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: bicycles, cupcakes, divorce, home, mortgage, parenting, reading, siblings, working mom, working mother

April 27: Catching Ladybugs

April 28, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Good people are out there. Even in the business world. I found that out today. And am thankful for it.

I had a crazy day today. I normally am at home with the kids but today everyone went to school/daycare since I had a meeting with a child custody mediator as well as a potential signing for the house.

Highlights of the Morning:

This morning was good. I remember the kids listening well and getting dressed without too many problems.

Twin Husky, Twin Crazy, and Red were looking outside at some doves in our backyard. I should have taken that as a sign that today would be good one.

Red went with co-parent to daycare and she was happy to do so.

Big Bro scootered with the Motley Crew and I strolled with the Twins. I was actually surprised because at first I was packing the Twins in the van but he said that he wanted them to come along and for me to walk with him. Along the way, he held to the back of the pack and said he wanted to scoot along side of me. Towards the end he blasted past and beat me there at school.

I strolled the Twins and felt bad when Twin Husky said “No Margaritas”. When I strolled toward her house instead of taking our route home, he started to complain and whine a bit. I felt so bad. They are fine when they get there, but I know they would rather be with me. It hurts now to drop them off. I think we could do better by them.

Highlights of the Day:

The loan documents were still not ready. I was supposed to have signed these documents on Wednesday and closed by today. So technically I was close to breaking contract. The sellers were pressuring me to fund my portion of the deal but my loan broker was advising me under no circumstances do this since the docs were not ready. The sellers were considering putting the house back in “active” status and having an open house on Sunday…..

I spent some time responding to some legal stuff but didn’t have my heart in it…

I checked on work emails but there was nothing urgent that needed attention…

We went to child custody mediation and discussed the summer parenting schedule now that we know we have two locations and where they are. I feel good not particularly about the schedule but more about the progress. We have a plan. And it works with my move and my work schedule. This summer will be hard for the kids but I will do my best to be there for them.

After the meeting I learned about the reason for the hold up with the loan – nothing to do with me or my end – I’ve done everything I could do. But the underwriter needed another day to get the docs out. There was uncertainty as to what the sellers were going to do since our contract was expiring at 5 PM. I was talking with the agent and coordinator as I was driving back home at 4:30….

The Rest of the Day:

I went to pick up Red and co-parent went to pick up Big Bro and the Twins.

While I was picking up Red I received a phone call from the agent… the sellers and the agent now having all the information about the hold up in the loan decided to grant me an extension under the SAME terms of the prior contract!!! No changes in price, no rescinding of concessions, NO per diem charges for extra days of financing on their end! I couldn’t believe it. At the end of the day, they understood that the delay was NOT because of me, and that I was doing what I needed to in order to protect my family. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, these guys are business guys and they did not have to soften their hearts to a divorce of four small kids. But they did. And I am thankful for it. And I was on a speakerphone with them and thanked them and expressed my genuine gratitude for their decision and their patience. I reiterated my interest in their house and told them they made me a very happy woman today.

I ran around printing and signing the contract Addendum and went to some neighbors houses until I found someone with a scanner so I could email everything. The sellers were waiting.

Twin Crazy went potty and it was poop so she got two chocolate chips and everyone else got one chocolate chip. We all cheered for her and continued to cheer for her during dinner.

I told co-parent about the situation and my win. We had wine with pizza tonight.

Afterwards, I asked Big Bro if he wanted to go hunting for ladybugs. Me and him. And then I asked if he wanted someone else to come. He said Red. Then co-parent rallied so we all went out together. We had a great time hunting for ladybugs. I think we got about 18 not including the casualties (Twin Husky crushed some, and there were one or two that got smashed by the container lid). The kids had a great time and on the walk home a small part of me ached thinking that this might likely be one of the last times we do something happily as a family of six. I walked back as the sun was setting with my kids running ahead of me and cried a bit not out of sadness but out of thankfulness. Looking up at the sky thinking that there is someone up there looking out for me. That I am meant to be in that house with the kids. That I have worked for it all on my own and can make this happen for them.

So it was quite a day. I felt like I had my dukes up for most of it but these kids are worth fighting for. I feel like I am closer to reclaiming my life back and closer to building a home for my family. And yes, we are closer to causing the children a lot of pain and that kills me inside. But I am closer to providing a home for them – and yes, there is a part of me that is excited about going through the journey with them this summer even though it will be a huge challenge for all of us.

Great weekend to all –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, gratefulness, home, ladybugs, parenting, potty training, thankfulness, working mom, working mother

April 26: Lotion heads

April 26, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Tired. Throbbing headache. Big Bro is throwing a fit upstairs right now with co-parent. I’m downstairs in my room, like an outsider.

Highlights of the Morning:

I woke up to Red coming into my room at around 6:30. She wanted to talk to me and play with my red beads.

All kids got dressed, fed, vitamins.

I strolled with the Twins as Big Bro scootered with the Motley Crew. The Twins looked ridiculous with the hair all over the place from the hand-soap incident the night before. Their hair was sticking up all over the place.

I strolled back with the Twins and we came back to a warm house.

Highlights of the Day:

We played with puzzles, ate snacks, cuddled on the couch, read books. Twin Husky had fun with the spray bottle.

There was lots of fighting and arguing and even hitting today between the Twins. I think they are getting bored with each other. It would be nice to have them interact more with other kids besides themselves and the older siblings. They were like an old married couple with each other today.

Throughout the day I answered emails where I had to and even had a quick conference call.

I made lunch and then we went for a drive. I asked them to nap in the car and it was so cute how hard they tried to close their eyes and go to sleep. It eventually worked and soon both were snoozing.

I had a meeting with my realtor to sign some docs; Twins were sort of behaved but not so much. Twin Husky dumped an entire container of Cheerios all over the floor. Twin Crazy had a pee-pee accident all over the floor. Twin Husky’s diaper came loose and when he let he pee-pee loose, it went all over his pants. Basically an embarrassing mess.

We got back and tried to rest a bit in my bed. It was cute but lasted only 10 minutes.

We picked up Red, then picked up Big Bro. Big Bro scootered all the way home.

As I made dinner the kids got into some hand lotion and wound up greasing themselves up all over the place. Thankfully I got to them before there was any lotion in anyone’s eyes.

Dinner and Bedtime:

Kids ate well except for Red. She ate nothing. I offered her milk but she refused. So she will be hungry tomorrow.

I cleaned up while co-parent gave Twins a bath.

Twins went to bed very easily.

Red and Big Bro were having their troubles; Big Bro came down to me looking for a shirt to wear for bed. I dried his eyes, handed him a pile of clean clothes, and told him that things would be alright. He’s upstairs now and it is finally quiet.

I’m really tired. I have a lot on my mind and feel drained. I don’t think I really had time to decompress from last week. Yesterday was so great for some reason…. today was good with the Twins but I honestly had no good quality time with either Big Bro or Red. I feel like I hardly saw them today. I need to make it up to them over the weekend.

Looking forward to going to bed.
Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: day off, fighting, new house, parenting, siblings, twins, working mom, working mother

April 25: Shopping, working, and playing together

April 25, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

I’m jotting this down at the end of the day – I am feeling tired but VERY happy. There were lots of funny things happening today with the kids which looking back make me laugh…

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I went upstairs and folks were up; Twin Crazy on the potty; I carried down lots of clothes, backpacks, and gear for everyone.

The ladybugs are still living

Twin Crazy was dressed and excited about the shirt she was wearing since it had a bird on it. She was having fun rolling around with a fuzzy giraffe pillow.

Twin Husky was busy reading and counting circles when I gave him a diaper change this morning. I told him how great it was that he is counting and how he is using his brain. I got him dressed in clothes since we were going to take a stroller ride today.

Red was stuffing her backpack silly. I mean it was totally packed and she needed help zipping everything up.

Red and Big Bro needed help with socks and shoes. It’s their little routine with me.

Big Bro was ready; as were Twins. They jumped into the stroller and Big Bro was set on his scooter. Red was fine going in with co-parent.

I strolled the Twins while Big Bro scootered with the Motley Crew. It was a nice walk. It felt good to be back in this routine. I’m still decompressing from last week. I talked with my neighbor about how the twins are showing their personalities and needs/desires much more forcefully now. How Twin Husky got upset when I took out “Other Tiger” from behind the stroller since he wanted it back there to go “night night”. Opinions. Tantrums. They are two. And NOW I know I have four children….

Big Bro drop off was fine.

As I started to take twins to their daycare, they realized where we were going and Twin Husky threw a tantrum. He didn’t want to go there. He wanted to go home. How sweet. It broke my heart though. He was better by the time we got there. I realized that I lost “Other Tiger” along the way and told him I would try to find him.

I started to RUN back home since I had 15 minutes to make it back before a conference call. I backtracked my way through the elementary school but no “Other Tiger”. I passed by my neighbor with her little girl playing on the swingset [so jealous of that woman…]. I continued to run. And then I saw “Other Tiger”!!!! I ran home just in time….

Highlights of My Working Day:

I had a conference call with two directors to talk about our strategy with regards to legal representation at our forums. We talked cost and the need to negotiate down and also look for other firms. It is my role to make these forums more profitable so I pushed hard for finding other options.

I interviewed (via phone) a potential hire. I did not like him as much as the woman I met yesterday. He just fell flat. I know phone interviews are more difficult but I think he could have shown more initiative in describing why he wants a career change to consulting and why our firm specifically. These questions are so obvious and its amazing to me that candidates do not “nail” those obvious questions.

I did some follow up with one of the forums.

I did some planning for a forum we are trying to launch.

It was my 1/2 day and I wanted to take full advantage of it since last week was such a struggle. I picked up Red and then we picked up Big Bro. We sat down and talked about the plan for the rest of the day. I needed to go food shopping for some breakfast items for the kids. So I asked them if we should bring Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. They both suggested “No” so we went just the three of us which was fun.

Highlights of Shopping:

We talked about our “list” on the way there to keep everyone in line once we got there.

Big Bro and Red helped with picking out fruit. Big Bro wanted to do the bags. He was hysterical. I caught him shopping for organic apples when I wasn’t looking. Too funny.

We agreed to buy some breakfast fruit bars. He went shopping for them while I went shopping with Red for cereal. He came back with choices of bars drizzled in chocolate. I laughed and vetoed his selection. He went back without a fuss and picked out two boxes of VERY appropriate cereal bars. One box of strawberry, one box of blueberry. He also came back with a box of organic gummy fruit chew snacks and I gave in since it was a sort of healthy snack.

Red picked out salami and she said she likes it so I bought a package. This liking of hers is completely new to me. We’ll see if she really eats any of it….

We needed frozen vegetables and passed all this crap along the way… Big Bro was drooling saying we needed all this stuff but I said it wasn’t on the list. He laughed. We got to the vegetable section and he was sooooooooooooooooooooo excited about the crinkle-cut carrots. Go figure.

We were waiting in line and the kids as jokes kept putting candy and crap into the cart. I jokingly said “THAT’S NOT ON THE LIST” and then asked loudly “where is the place where you return kids? I need my money back” and we were all laughing. Red pointed to a magazine with Rob Lowe on it and she said “we need that” and I said [probably too loudly] “Yes we DO need that… I need some of that.”…… at least I laughed.

After food shopping we went to the drug-store to pick up some meds and the kids were just magnetized to blow up balls and it is crazy how the kids just automatically find the toys and the crap in the store so quickly. Again, they knew “the list” and they knew that balls, sponge-bob toys, princess flashlights, and other crap from China were not on the list. They were laughing and it was too funny. They were even trying to get me to get eyeglasses as a joke. Too funny.

Dinner and Bedtime:
Co-parent came home later so I had the bulk of time with the kids alone. I loved it.

Big Bro, Red and I picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky.

Got home and had some snacks of oranges. Ladybugs were still alive.

I was making dinner and kids were suddenly quiet. Big Bro had his spray-bottle out and was spraying everyone.

Then there were cries. The twins. Twin Crazy had soap in her hair/eyes and Twin Husky apparently got his hand smashed from the toilet seat top. I washed out Twin Crazy’s face while Twin Husky was on my lap crying. Both were fine; I carried both downstairs.

I later caught Big Bro with a towel with water wiping out Twin Crazy’s face and eye. How sweet.

I later caught Big Bro working with all of his younger siblings with tattoos. How sweet.

Twin Husky wanted to be held a bit so I gave in. I made games about biting and eating his ear and asked him if I could. He said NO and laughed.

We ate and they ate well. Big Bro ate an enormous amount of carrots.

Together we cleaned up. I cleaned up the dishes, Big Bro cleaned up the table with his spray-bottle, and Red cleaned up the diaper bags that were thrown all over the room. I commended them on helping and told them that since we were all working together we would get done so much faster and would have lots more time to play.

We took a quick walk to get the mail and move the stroller and we started to feel rain on our faces

I played “wall ball” with Big Bro and we got up to “eight” without stopping. We set a goal of “ten” for tomorrow. Twin Husky wanted to play too so we gave him a few turns. Big Bro was very patient and didn’t cause a fuss.

I sat with the girls on the step and I made a joke about “girl talk”. Red wanted to make a list of topics for girl talk and they include: dresses, princesses, and dora.

Twin Crazy announced the need to go potty but then we realized she had a tiny accident. I took off her underwear and pants and she was walking around in the buff. Which was OK until she had a poop accident. I feel like I have a dog in the house. All kids were walking around looking for overlooked poops.

Twin Husky went upstairs since it was almost time for bed and he apparently tried to turn on the lamp. I heard a huge crash and ran upstairs to find the lamp turned on but on the floor and Twin Husky bawling. The lamp apparently fell on his head but he was more scared than anything. I took him downstairs and held him on my lap until he calmed down.

I said it was time for bed and had Big Bro and Red tonight. I started to count to five and each started climbing the stairs immediately. They kept trying to trick me with toothbrushing but I eventually just left the room until they brushed their teeth properly. We read lots of books.

I told them the recap of the things they did today that made me so proud. Helping with shopping, helping with the younger siblings, helping clean up together, and playing. It was so great. I love talking with the kids like this. I love that they are at an age where I can have real conversations with them.

I am sitting in bed now so happy. I am so close to such a big transition. And I am so proud and happy with the kids and the people that they are. They listen to me. They respond to me. We have an ebb and flow and things are so much more relaxed. There was little to no negotiation tonight. They asked/pushed but I pushed back where needed and there were no breakdowns. I can’t wait to be on my own with these kids. I think things will be smoother after separation but from an emotional standpoint I worry for the kids. I’m not looking forward to sitting down and telling them what will be happening… so I’ll sit and relax and enjoy the rest of this feeling as-is, for now.

Red had no problems going to sleep. Not a peep.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow since I will have the Twins home with me. I can’t wait.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: conference calls, divorce, flex time, food shopping, girl-talk, parenting, part-time, playing ball, working mom, working mother

April 24: Hiding

April 24, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Chocolate Tuesday! It was a great morning.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Twin Crazy was busy going potty when I made it upstairs. She got changed in regular clothes so of course her Twin Husky wanted to get changed into clothes too. So I held his hand and went to his room to have him pick out some clothes. He liked the Owl shirt with a big moon and he picked it because of the moon circle.

There was an issue with Red while she was laying in bed. She was cranky. She woke up at 4 AM last night and was a bit out of it this morning. I couldn’t figure out why she was upset. At first I thought it was because Twin Husky was putting lego wheels in a blue cup and she wanted the wheels. So we talked about it and Twin Husky went over to her and put the wheels by her head. Whew!!! Twin Husky has some empathy!!! This was a big relief/milestone for ME this morning. That wasn’t the issue. Red swooped the lego wheels all over the floor in a fit. I went down with Twin Crazy and told Red I would be back.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were busy looking at the (alive) ladybugs while their breakfast was getting prepared.

I went back up to Red. She was on the floor. She was upset about something. I’m not sure what. I tried to talk with her. She pursed her lips shut. I asked her if she was mad, if she was sad, if something happened to get her upset. I asked her if she was mad at me or if there was something I did. She eventually asked me to carry her blanket down, and her drinking cup. Then the smile came. And her shoes. And her jacket. And Big Bro’s shoes. And Big Bro’s jacket. We were laughing now. Since I had all this stuff to carry down I demanded that I AT LEAST also hold her hand. She became playful. I held her hand, then she rejected my hand, so I wanted a finger, or at least an elbow. She was finally in a good mood.

We arrived in the kitchen to see that Big Bro was sitting in her seat. She ran to the couch upset again and said that she had nowhere to sit. I don’t understand how co-parent runs into the SAME issues day after day. There are some things that can be done to stop the issues from happening. I don’t know if he is trying tough love or if he honestly does not get how these kids are wired. So then I had to do musical chairs, asking Big Bro to scoot around and asking Twin Crazy to give up her stool for a chair. We then had an available stool at the spot where Red usually sits. She then smiled again and ran to her breakfast.

Chocolate was everywhere. The kids were happy. The ladybugs were still alive.

Vitamins!

Twin Husky wanted me to hold him. I like this part of his personality now. I like walking him around and talking to him and teaching him things.

I helped the kids with their shoes, socks.

Big Bro is presenting his homework today – a poster that talks about himself. I will be thinking of my shy son today.

Big Bro went off on his scooter. Twin drop off was cute. Red drop off was clingy.

I forgot my mobile phone at home but had time to swing by and pick it up.

I’m on the ferry and thinking about work. I have client work to do today and also a planning meeting from the last session that I think I will postpone until I have a chance to talk to our director. I don’t want to spend too much time on this effort if we don’t think there is a chance that it will go somewhere. I also have some follow up with the other sessions to complete; and a debrief from one of the meetings.

I’m in good spirits this morning. This is a big week for me. I feel like it is the right action to take. There are big meetings this week related to the house purchase and also the divorce. I think both will be emotionally draining but I am hopeful that coming out the other side will make me happier. I can’t wait to have a set of keys in my hand. I can’t wait to build a home for the kids. I need to be there for them to make it easier for them so that will be my next area of focus. Making sure I am doing everything I can do to protect these kids during the separation, and to make it as easy as possible for them and letting them know that I am a rock and will be there for them no matter what. That I am their biggest fan and will love them everyday and hold them close to my heart everyday, no matter what.

Highlights of My Working Day:

Spent time at the bank making sure my checks were clearing OK for the funding of my downpayment for the mortgage. The person helping me was wonderful. I showed him pictures of my kids and that seemed to really help.

I had a debrief relating to one of the conferences and I want to focus on sales efforts sooner rather than later due to long sales cycle time.

I sent out materials from the other conference

I cancelled a meeting with the other meeting since I need to connect with my own Director first before I spend too much time on it

I had a client meeting to confirm our approach. We have two weeks left for the project and I’m looking forward to its end.

I also spent time related to divorce stuff; good, I think.

I’m on the boat now and it is sunny. I will be working 1/2 day tomorrow and the rest of the day will be devoted to signing loan documents. I am so close. I feel good. But I still have a raging headache…. I think my body and my mind is STILL decompressing from last week’s work events and lack of sleep. I’m looking forward to this Thursday. My day freed up totally so I’m looking forward to doing something with the kids. I still miss them. I feel like I haven’t connected fully with them yet and am looking forward to that. I’m looking forward to tonight and cooking for them. And being with them. And not being pulled into a different direction – they are my priority and I want them to feel like they are.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Red and she ran to me with the biggest smile on her face. Over the last few weeks they were doing “planting” projects and their work was on display at school. My little gardener.

I picked up Twins next. Twin Husky was cracking me up with his stance as he was staring down a yappety dog.

I picked up Big Bro last, assuming he would want to scooter back home. He did.

As I cooked the kids were playing and checking out the ladybugs. Twin Crazy went poop and pee-pee on the potty so everyone got to enjoy some chocolate chips.

After dinner Big Bro and I played “wall ball”. I cleaned up from dinner and started some laundry. Twin Husky helped me put the dirty clothes in the washer.

Upstairs the kids were having some issues. Particularly Big Bro. He didn’t want Daddy. His words. He stayed with me as I read to the Twins. We talked about the book. We sang songs. Twin Husky loves to sing. We did our kiss routine and they climbed into their cribs.

I gave Red a huge hug and asked her if she FELT loved. She gave me another huge hug.

Big Bro is downstairs with me hiding on the floor. He doesn’t want to leave me. I feel so bad for these kids. He’s asleep right now next to me – it took him 30 seconds to fall asleep.

I have such a headache. I’m looking forward to a good night’s sleep and tomorrow. 1/2 day work, big meetings behind me, and a stack of paperwork to sign for the HOUSE. 🙂

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: clients, divorce, headache, ladybugs, meetings, parenting, working mom, working mother

April 23: Ladybugs

April 23, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

My first day back at work after a week-long work trip for the conferences that I was planning for so long. Relief. And it was great to reconnect with the children over the weekend. I’m in a good place.

Highlights of the Morning:

Twin Husky pointed to the parts of his head where he wanted me to kiss him. Twin Crazy said “Nossssing [nothing]” when I asked her. We laughed that she didn’t want a kiss from me yet.

We investigated the ladybugs that we found on a walk from yesterday. They are in a habitat and we were careful to put in some grass and leaves and some water. The problem is that I think we put in too much water. One of the two ladybugs was upside down floating in the water with its little legs scrambling for dear life. I’m not sure how long he was there like that but we saved him…. only to have him roll around again and land back in the water. It will be a miracle if both ladybugs are still alive by the time we get home tonight.

Twin Husky was counting his fingers. I wish I caught it on video.

Red was great this morning. Came down dressed and ready to eat. But we ran out of cereal. I need to go shopping this week to replenish the necessities that we ran out of from last week.

Big Bro came down half dressed, but his hair done from a water spray bottle and a comb. He has a thick mound of hair. He looked great except for the hairstyle he gave himself. I suggested keeping in flat in the back, but brushing it and tassling it a bit up front to give him some spunk/style. But I said he looked great and very handsome and he welcomed my huge hug this morning.

Twin Husky wanted me to change his diaper this morning. He also wanted me to hold him and talk to him. I think this is his way of telling me that he missed me. He usually favors co-parent and I usually don’t get this much attention from him in the morning.

Twin Crazy pooped in the potty! We all ran into the bathroom to see it. We all cheered! So she received two chocolate chips and everyone else got one chocolate chip to celebrate. We are so proud of her.

I helped Big Bro with his socks and shoes (his “mommy time”) and Red with her shoes.

Big Bro went off with the Motley Crew and he decided to ride his scooter.

I said goodbye to the Twins and co-parent went to drop them off.

I took Red to school and they were happy to see me back. They said she did great but by around Wednesday she was showing signs of distress. A nightmare at nap, and Thursday and Friday she was quiet. But I am back now.

So I’m on the ferry thinking about some things I need to do at work. I am leading a debrief call for one of the three meetings we held last week. We are also interviewing a potential hire. I have to decompress from the other two big meetings and identify the take-aways/learnings/follow ups from each of them. And figure out a timeline to get the things done and can even start planning ahead – securing the date/location and also reaching out to known speakers to get them to Save The Date. I also have to catch up on the client project that I should NOT be involved with. We are wrapping up the project and I need to make sure that we end on a good note with the client.

I also have work to do on a personal front. This is a big week for me. Signing loan documents for my very first house purchase and making sure that things are done on my end to make everything go smoothly. There are also other big meetings related to the divorce but I feel like I can focus on this now that the big conferences are behind me.

I am excited about shopping for the house. I will not start to do this until I have keys in hand. I am excited about getting a fence and handrails to make the front and backyards safe for the kids. Lemon and organge trees to plant… along with blackberry bushes in the back of the property. A refrigerator. A washer and dryer. And eventually, over the next month, the furniture that we will use as a family. I want to have the kids involved in this and will seek advice from our child custody mediator the best way to introduce them to their new home. I am so excited and I want to share this excitement with the children. And hopefully the separation will be a bit easier for them if they feel comfortable and happy in their new home that they helped to create with me.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I had a debrief conference call relating to the one “sell” meeting from last week. I took it in a coffee shop since I couldn’t get to my desk in time. There is more work to do and I’m not sure of the liklihood of success for any of it; I need to figure out go-forward plan since I don’t fully trust one of the folks we are working with… to be continued….

I interviewed a candidate that we are considering hiring. I like her.

I started to compile my thoughts on to-dos post meetings from last week. Things are looking good and I have a sense of what needs to be done.

Went out to lunch with the interview candidate and others on our team. It was DELICIOUS

I had another debrief regarding one of the conferences from last week. There are some changes that we want to do next time around relating on revenue models and other logistics. I’m feeling good with this one.

I had a meeting with our project team related to the client project. We have set forth a good go-forward plan for the next two weeks and will put our thoughts to paper for our touchpoint with the client tomorrow. We will need to put time against this to make this project successful.

I also had personal things to attend to today — this is a big week with closing on the house!!!!

So now I’m on a train headed to my monthly appointment with my doctor. I have a lot on my mind and talking with him is always very helpful for me. He helps me put things in focus and gives me encouragement to stay the course. This is a very busy time in my life with lots of ups and downs, but I believe the trajectory is on the way up. And I like testing these thoughts with him to make sure I’m still thinking rationally and realistically.

I will hopefully get home in time to say goodnight to the kids and give them their hugs and be part of their nighttime routine. And later tonight I will focus on the divorce and also the things I will need to buy for my NEW HOUSE!!!!

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: client project, divorce, kisses, ladybugs, meetings, parenting, working mom, working mother

April 19: almost there

April 19, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

The end of the third full day. Very tired and full from a fabulous dinner. Appraisal came in today and house was valued over offer price!!!! I am one BIG step closer to being a homeowner!!!!! Meetings went well. I’m not even going to try to call home tonight.

Going to sleep now
Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: home, meetings, work travel, working mom, working mother

May 3: Birthday cupcakes

May 2: Milkshakes and straws

May 1: Chocolate Tuesday, almost botched

April 30: A Mama Bear alone with her cubs

April 27: Catching Ladybugs

April 26: Lotion heads

April 25: Shopping, working, and playing together

April 24: Hiding

April 23: Ladybugs

April 19: almost there

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