Daily Journal – Mama In Motion™

January 16: Happy Birthday Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

January 16, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Monday. A day off for the kids. So I woke up to an empty house, again. I woke up later than usual since it was just me that I had to get ready. And I get ready quickly.

I do miss them. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my “break” over the weekend. But I miss Red’s smile the first thing in the morning, I miss Twin Crazy and Twin Husky and how they communicate with each other and try to use their words non-stop (spoon, bagel, thank you, thanks, water, please, SOOOOOO CUTTTTE). I miss Big Bro and his questions about how things work. I miss his sensitivity. I miss their smiles and even whines for “mommy time”. I sure they are doing OK and managing just fine without me. But it really helps to know that they are coming back to me. And that I am their mother above everyone else in the world.

The ferry is also relatively empty today. Martin Luther King day. A modern-day hero. A man who would not accept status-quo. A man that wanted to drive change for the betterment of all people. A man that was met with opposition. But he was fiercely determined and believed in the depths of his soul in what he was doing.

I will not kid myself to even directly compare myself to this great man. But I can relate to him. As we all can in some way. Today we celebrate his life. And this year, I will celebrate with a much different perspective – for I see a bit clearer and I feel a bit more of what he was trying to do. Certainly not on his scale, but in my own world it felt quite big.

So now I’m on the ferry to work. I will be busy today. I have planning to do for the next big meetings in April, I have billing to follow up on, and I have a presentation to prepare for this Wednesday for a proposal of work to a client. Presentations do not frighten me the way they did earlier in my career. If I know what I’m talking about, and I believe whole-heartedly in what I’m saying, I can be a very powerful speaker – and listener – and communicator.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I sent out some bills

I arranged two meetings related to a new initiative we will try to launch – a game changer!!!

I reviewed a PowerPoint discussion document of our proposal for a client meeting we will have on Wednesday.

I spent too much time sorting through personal items. I will have work to do tonight.

So now I’m sitting outside of my appointment office building. The office is closed. It is cold and I am early. My kids are likely at home now. I have not seen them since Friday morning. And when I get back it will likely be Red and Big Bro only awake. I hope they had fun. I hope they heard only good stories and nothing to make them scared. I need to be there for them.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, flex time, parenting, part-time work, separation, single mom, working mom, working mother

January 13: The house is too quiet….

January 14, 2012 by Mama K 5 Comments

Hello all – (a bit late)

Today was a strange day for me and I’m also writing this at 1 AM – so, I will be brief. I essentially had about 1 hour with my kids today, and they are gone for the entire weekend. I will not see them until Monday night – and on that night, I will see them late, after my Monday appointment. So it will be a long time until we are re-united again. I miss them already.

Morning:

Twin Husky and Twin Crazy were down first eating oatmeal. Somehow we got to talking about pretending to be taking a nap and that’s when all the cuteness started. I think it was Twin Husky who was pretending to be asleep on the bar stool and then Twin Crazy started to pat his back. Then they switched. I was making such a fuss about the cuteness that Twin Crazy continued to pat Twin Husky as they were both sitting up. I made a big deal about how they love each other and that yes of course Twin Crazy loves Twin Husky and Twin Husky loves Twin Crazy and that they are brother and sister. She just kept on patting him. It was so cute.

I dropped off Big Bro and we had a problem since we forgot his new backpack.

I dropped off Red and she had ANOTHER problem getting ready this morning – I carried her into school with no socks and shoes. So we put them on in the lobby and she was fine – all smiles. She reminded me to push in my chair as I walked away – I thought that was the cutest thing.

I spent the rest of the day in appointments and then this evening with a friend. I came home to an empty house with toys on the floor – like salt in the wounds. I’m hoping I get a chance to sleep late tomorrow – maybe go for a massage with a friend later in the day???!?!

Have a great weekend everybody – wish me luck and send cyber hugs since I will be solo for a weekend for the first time.

– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: parenting, working mom, working mother

January 12: Release

January 12, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

OK ladies – this post is going to be extremely short because I have a ton of work to do tonight. Personal stuff. Forensic stuff. But I had a good day with the kids too. I will be brief but share lots of pictures….

Morning:

I was going to scooter with Big Bro and have Twin Crazy and Twin Husky in the stroller, but Big Bro was too constipated. The poor kid was suffering. I tried to get him off saying the scooter would help, but he was scared to poop his pants. I knew the kid was suffering. So I called into his school, said he would be late, gave him apple juice, massaged his lower back Gave him privacy and quite time, and told him to take is time. RELEASE!!!!!!!!!! Man – I won’t go any further but good God it was a doosey. He got an “excused late slip” that said “bathroom” as the reason. They said it happens all the time.

I took Twin Crazy and Twin Husky back home to wait for their daycare provider to come back from her appointment. They thought they were going to go for a nap but I said – NO!! It’s PLAYTIME! So the kids went nuts playing with animals, running around, acting silly. They pretended to go “night night” and also had fun being creative with holiday gel stick up squishy things.

Afternoon:

I headed to the office so I could go to a farewell lunch, and also use the time to forensic work on a personal front. I held a colleague’s new baby and LOVED IT.

Evening:

I picked up Big Bro but before we went to pick up Red, he wanted to talk to me about something so I sat with him to give him his one-on-one mommy time. I don’t even remember what we talked about but I’m glad that I had the time alone with him, even if it was for just a minute.

I played a lot with the kids tonight. Rough-housed with Red and Big Bro. After dinner the kids played with my new fuzzy rug and we rough-housed some more. They loved it and I did too. We read books about feelings/emotions (Roger Hargreaves) and then we rolled around some more.

I read books to Twin Husky and Twin Crazy; and then read The Tale of Peter Rabbit to Big Bro and Red. Their weight on my body was wonderful. They were so relaxed and ready for bed.

I had a great day today; despite using my day off for personal blech kind of stuff. It really is a shame. So much time and money will be wasted. I can’t believe what I’m going to have to go through and really it is such a waste. Money that could have gone to our kids is going to lawyers.

OK gotta get myself organized.

Til tomorrow,
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: constipation, divorce, parenting, working mom, working mother

January 11: out and about

January 11, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

It is a beautiful day outside and I had a good time with the kids this morning. I decided to go into the office today to focus on personal things after my 1/2 day working.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Red, Twin Husky, and Twin Crazy were sitting at the breakfast bar eating their cereal. They were excited to talk about their “Os” (Cheerios), milk, and spoons. I kissed each of their heads. One child wanted more milk, so then the rest did too. So I got a new milk from our garage (we have an extra fridge in there for overflow) and came out and topped them all up with milk. All seemed happy.

I went upstairs to check on Big Bro. I was worried about him. Last night he was sick and cranky. And at the end of the night it looked like he had pink-eye. So I put eye-drops in his eye in hopes that it would clear up this morning. When I saw him this morning, HE LOOKED GREAT (except for his nose). I asked if I could look at his eyeball and he laughed at that. It was clear. And he said that it didn’t hurt anymore. YEAH!!!!

Big Bro proceeded to show me little cut-outs of pictures of Lego sets that I guess he wants. He numbered the backs of the pictures to show the order in which he wants them. He is VERY meticulous – sometimes so much it worries me. I see a lot of me in him – the need to make lists, the need to have thoughts on paper.

Twin Husky needed me so I held him and hugged him while making bagels for the kids. Big Bro normally gets a bagel and recently both Twin Crazy and Twin Husky have been asking for bagels too. They were excited. They both kept saying over and over, “Bagel. Cream cheese.”. Cute.

Twin Crazy was busy cleaning up. She was looking around for trash, old tissues (and some new tissues) and other random small things and running back and forth to the trash.

Big Bro got changed without a problem. He was exited to use his new lunchbox today (it arrived last night – thanks Amazon!)

Red, as usual, had a problem getting changed this morning — despite my washing and drying her FAVORITE butterfly shirt, and despite 12 pairs of her favorite socks arriving last night. I just don’t know why its always such an issue with her. I hugged her first, that seemed to help. (And then Twin Crazy said she wanted a hug so she came over for a mommy-time hug). Eventually I got there with her. Once the rest left and I was alone with her, she was fine. She was my helper, and we were talking and laughing together.

My drop-off with Red went great; she was happy to be wearing her favorite butterfly shirt (and one of her friends had a shirt with lots of butterflies so they were talking about that) – and also to show off her new Dora lunchbox. She gave me a huge hug and was clingy to my legs a bit, but then she sat on her teacher’s lap to read a book with her friends and she seemed great – all smiles.

So I had a great morning with the kids. I feel like I miss Twin Crazy though a bit. I’m glad I had some time to hug her hard this morning. It’s hard to feel like I’m giving the amount of time that I need for each of these kids. Especially on mornings where I go to the office. It’s usual for me to feel a bit dis-connected to at least one of them but I try to make up for it in the evenings.

So, now I’m on the ferry, headed to the office. I will need to follow up on some outstanding invoices from our clients. And I also need to start thinking/planning for the upcoming meetings in April. I get excited about thinking forward, and planning ahead, versus the boring clean up for things that have passed. So I think I’ll have fun at work today. I am going to devote some of this day to personal items as well. I’m working 1/2 day today and need to focus some time on some issues in my life right now.

Highlights of My Working Day:

this will be brief because I left ,y keyboard at work!!!

started to organize planning meetings for our spring forums

got an analyst to convert our word proposal to PowerPoint for our presentation to our prospective clients next week

started to set up another planning meeting for a different initiative

spent time on personal stuff during the 1/2 day off.

drank fruity V-8 Splash in a plastic champagne cup, for fun.

Work was good, but picking up Red and/or Big Bro early would have been better.

Dinner and bedtime:

we went to a school event with all kids at big Bro’s school. We took all kids. There was pizza and an art/craft activity. Kids did well. Twin crazy was acting silly the whole time. I spent a lot of time with her. Big bro was being meticulous with his project and whining. Twin husky was intense with the project. It makes me feel guilty because I’m fairly sure our day care provider does not do this kind of stuff with him. Red was quiet during her project and serious.

bedtime. Was quick. I got both twins dressed and read to them. Actually, twin crazy read one of her picture books to me. I need to do more of this with them.

Ok I’ll sign off now since this touchpad thing isn’t fun to work with. I had a good day. The kids were great out in public, as usual. I felt like I got a good amount of time with the girls, and felt good about my time with the boys.

I’ve got my new heating blanket cranked up and also my new fuzzy rug all set up. My new room is almost complete!

Til tomorrow,
-Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: arts and crafts, divorce, part-time, working mom, Workong mother

January 10: A new day.

January 10, 2012 by Mama K 2 Comments

I was REALLY having a rough time this morning waking up. I went to bed late last night and the past couple of nights have given me spotty sleep. It’s catching up to me now. I had a really sweet morning though with the kids – some really magical moments that still have me thinking that I have the most wonderful kids in the world.

Highlights of My Morning and Commute:

I showered quickly and threw on jeans. It will be a jeans day in the office today (self-proclaimed). Red, Twin Husky, Twin Crazy were already at the counter eating cereal. I gave each my morning kiss on their head, and we talked about the shape of the cereal. Are these triangles? NO. Are these squares? NO. Are these circles? Yes these are circles. Good. Circles. The kids are very funny when they really exaggerate the “NO’s” to this routine – shaking their heads back and forth. Then for some reason Twin Crazy started talking about monkeys – “Oooo oooo aaahhhh ahhhh”. I asked her where the monkeys were? Outside? She pointed to Twin Husky. Is Twin Husky a monkey? NOOOOOOOOOOOO says Twin Husky shaking his head back and forth. So cute.

I go up to wake up Big Bro and gather the clothes for the day. Big Bro jumps up from his bed, and then proceeds to jump on the bed, straight up and down. He only did it for 10 seconds or so – I asked him if this is his normal wake up routine and he said Yeah, laughing. I laughed too. It was kindof like he was shaking the sleep out of his little body. And then he was ready for the day. Smiling. Awesome.

Big Bro remembered that it was Chocolate Tuesday – so Hubby had a second series of breakfast to get ready. Next I looked all kids were devouring chocolate bagels, chocolate tortillas.

Twin Crazy coming into my room to show me her tortilla with her chocolate on it. She scrapes off the chocolate and asks for “more chocolate please”

I didn’t have my coffee yet but I was trying to help the kids – it looked like they needed some water with all of the bread they were eating so I offered it to them. One of the plastic cups “jumped” out of my hands and there was flying water all over the place. I asked the kids if they saw that and what was that cup doing flying out of my hands? The kids were laughing. I said it was an accident and I didn’t do it on purpose – that it was no problem because I’ll just clean up the mess. I asked if anyone took a “shower” from my spill as a joke and all of the kids said No, seriously. (cute)

Kids still laughing about “Fish Ranch Road” and how we didn’t see any fish on the road from the weekend

Red asking if I can take her to school today since I took Big Bro and Twins yesterday. Then Big Bro gets upset since he had to share his ride with the Twins. These kids are aching for more one-on-one Mommy time. And they are doing great about talking about their feelings (I am really focusing on that now with them)

Red had a breakdown over her clothes; she wanted to wear her butterfly shirt again (it is now her favorite). I was REALLY trying with her but she was being her red-haired fiesty self. One of my tricks was asking if I could take a picture of the butterfly shirt (knowing that I was going to write about this). But then Big Bro came up with something genious. He surprised me. He suggested that maybe she would take off her butterfly shirt if SHE took the picture (IT WORKED). Fist pumps to Big Bro!! I am still smiling at how empathetic he is, and how well we can act as a team – I continuously talk to them about how we have to help each other out – that is what family means; we all need help from time to time and it is our job as family members to help out when we can. These kids get it.

As soon as the rest left and it was just me and Red, her mood lifted considerably. We were talking about my coffee, my keys, jacket…. as I was getting things together she was my cute little side-kick. All smiles. Laughing. It’s amazing how quickly those moods can change. From tears to laughs.

On the ride to her pre-school, Red asked about the “clocks” on the front of the car. I talked to her about them – that they are not clocks, but each of the dials do measure certain things. A clock measures the time. These dials measure how fast the car goes, how hard the engine is working, how much gas we have in the tank, and how hot or cold the engine is. I love these simple conversations with the kids. But even better, I love the questions that they ask. They are VERY inquisitive and I encourage that. I say that is a great way to learn – to ask questions. That is how they learn about the world around them.

Wow. I wrote a lot. I think its because I didn’t get much time with the kids last night. So I always seem to take more in on these mornings… I think I am more apt to pick up on smaller things that I would otherwise overlook.

I am on the ferry now – I will have a busy day. I need to get the proposal off to the client today. I really need to get the conference meeting notes done (from 3 months ago, damn it). I have to follow up with some billing issues. I have loose ends hanging over my shoulder that I need to just bang-out.

And I have a mountain of preparation to do on a personal front. Forensic kind of stuff. Documentation of assets leading up to the birth and ultimate death of a marriage. I’m not looking forward to this at all. Hopefully we treat each other fairly so we can still be good partners for our children in the future.

I remember walking off the ferry and walking to work. The sun was shining and it felt wonderful on my face. I held my head high, closed my eyes, and looked up towards the sun while walking. I was taking it in. The air, the sun, the walk, the motion. The breeze through my hair. I am ready for the day, and feel much stronger than yesterday. Could it really be the result of the dose of the children?

Highlights of My Working Day:

I’m going to keep this part very brief.

I worked on the client proposal and it finally went out!! Yeah!! It would be great to win this for my sales efforts, but the delivery of work scares me. I feel like I have a lot going on and a big client project may complicate things a bit. But I need to win it. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

I had a conversation with a peer about the meeting minutes… He’s not doing them either!!!!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!! Everyone has agreed that they are too detailed, no-one asks for them, and no-one ever has questions with them after they receive them. So why bother??? Yeeeehoooooo!!!!

And alas, I hate to say it, but I was sidetracked a lot today on personal stuff. I got the ball rolling with requests of information I need to obtain; but it needs to be well thought out and complete. I only get one chance at this. I need to make sure I capture the right information and its complete. I have a meeting with my lawyers this week and I want to be extremely efficient at this next meeting. I want to have everything organized for them so that they don’t waste time and therefore keep their charges reasonable.

I almost missed the ferry. I looked down at the clock and it was going to leave in 10 minutes. I have never tried to make the ferry this late before. I freaked. I shut everything down and hauled ass out of the office. On the elevator I took my shoes off, positioned my bag, shoes, and jacket, and then proceeded to RUN full steam ahead to the ferry. I made it just in time! Whew!

Dinner and Bedtime:

I’m on the ferry, and the sun is still shining. My heart is pounding from the run. I sit and catch up with a neighbor. I’m thinking of the kids and also dinner. Chicken?

Pick up from Red was terrific – she ran into my arms and actually jumped up onto my body – all smiles, huge hugs. I LOVE THIS.

We quickly got Big Bro. He looked terrible. He is sniffling all over the place, and his face was all blotchy and red. His poor nose. And his eye was all red and sore from rubbing it. OMG please tell me no it’s not pink-eye. The daycare provider said that he was not himself all day long. 😦

Pick ups for Twin Husky and Twin Crazy were fine. Me and Twin Husky were talking about the beautiful sky. [He repeats, “beautiful sky”]

I run in and get the kids unpacked, shoes and jackets off, and set Big Bro on the couch to watch some TV. We don’t do this often but he needed it the poor guy. Twin Crazy and Red were interested in watching some with him. Twin Husky was interested in exploring, turning off the lights, and helping me cook. Then Twin Crazy and Red started to help me cook. So cute. They were smelling spices and stirring and Red was fully responsible for the vegetables, putting them in the bowl and closing up the bag. We made Tandoori Chicken tonight, which again was a HUGE hit. Big Bro had three platefuls. I was amazed. Big Bro and Red were fighting over who could sit on my lap. They are both lobbying hard for more one-on-one time with me; and getting more aggressive about it.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were using children’s knives for the first time. They were soooooooooooooo excited!!!

After dinner we rough-housed and I swung them in circles and we were all falling on the floor laughing. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were busy playing with the kitchen and “eating” ice-cream.

Chocolate milk!!!

Pink eye medicine! Ugggh. Poor guy.

We opened up a package today and it was the kids’ new lunchboxes. Red was thrilled but Big Bro got upset that he didn’t get his backpack yet. Why can’t he ever be satisfied with what we do with/for him? Ugggh. I know he’s sick but this is ridiculous.

Kids went to bed quickly because they were tired and not feeling well. Big Bro found a piece of his work that was thrown out by Hubby in the trash can and he started to flip out. I asked him to talk about it with Hubby when he returned from putting the Twins down. Big Bro asked me to help him. So I did. And Big Bro did great at telling the pieces and I commended him for talking about it with hubby, telling hubby how it made him feel, and then coming up with a solution for the future [Hubby ask Big Bro going forward if its OK to throw away certain items.]

I had a great day. I am feeling much more on my feet. I am tired, but I somehow feel like things will be OK for us. The hardest thing that I will have to go through is helping my children navigate through this now and in the future. It will not end. I will need to make sure these kids are getting what they need and that they are getting the healthiest environment possible given the situation. I will fight for them. And right now I feel ready.

Signing off for now to get some sleep –
Until tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: consulting, divorce, flex time, mommy time, negotiation, parenting, part-time, pink-eye, working mom, working mother

January 9: Busy and Broken

January 9, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

I had a bit of a stressful morning, coupled with lack of sleep. Big Bro woke up in the middle of the night with a horrendous cough and was crying. I stayed up with him a bit, got him to take some medicine, and got him back to bed. There’s been a lot on my mind lately so it was hard for me to go back to sleep.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I woke up and got ready quickly. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were eating cereal. I started helping with lunches and also started an instant coffee for myself.

I set out all the piles of clothes with the kids last night, and also packed the daycare bag for the twins the night before, so that was already taken care of.

I cared for Big Bro, getting him medicine and trying to get him in a better mood. I need to get to work today and cannot stay home with him.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were both chanting for “Bagel, I want Bagel”. It took us awhile to figure out what they were saying but once we did they were smiling ear(s) to ear(s)

Big Bro got dressed without a problem. Red, as usual, was tough despite picking out her own clothes the night before. She rejected four shirts, one pair of pants, and one set of socks before she settled on her outfit.

Red and Big Bro were singing and chanting “Kick the morning” for some reason. I have no idea what they were singing about. But they were hysterical laughing. And then Twin Husky started chanting it too. All three of them chanting “kick the morning” and laughing….. I love it. But where was Twin Crazy???!!??!……..

Twin Crazy disappeared and it was quiet. That’s when I know she’s up to no good. I found her playing with Big Bro and Red’s LeapPads in the other room – SNAGGED!!!

Hubby and I split the drop offs. He was taking Red. She broke down. She was grabbing hold of my leg the whole time I was running around. Hubby left with her crying, and also forgot her lunch that I packed this morning, which I had sitting by the front door for him.

My drop off with the twins was fast, my drop off with Big Bro was rushed – but he looked happy and ready for school (whew). He will most likely be tough tonight and not feeling well.

Now I’m on the ferry headed to work. I already checked work email and it will be a busy day. We have some more work to do with a proposal that is due tomorrow. I think some of the changes will be significant. I also have been dragging on getting those damn meeting minutes done – that’s been hanging over my head for awhile. I also have some personal things to attend to so hopefully that will not take too much time or drain my energy – I need it today!

Highlights of My Working Day:

I spent the majority of the day working on the proposal that is due to our potential client tomorrow. There is still more that needs to be done. It’s off at a Director now for review, and I’ve lined up our Assistant to do cosmetic “clean up” of the document first thing tomorrow. That way I can look and work off of a client-ready document tomorrow when I get in.

I followed up with our client on a project we are wrapping up – there is a second Phase which requires work on their end to be completed first – so I just did a quick check-in to see how they are doing.

I followed up with a potential client related to a proposal we provided to them several weeks ago. He was waiting to discuss with his boss (Head of Corporate Strategy, and this is a MAJOR company with a very well known brand – I would love to win this work) and we were going to connect this month. Again, this was just a check-in to see if he had a better idea of when to schedule a conversation based upon his boss’ feedback.

I spent more time that I would like to admit on personal matters. This will be a busy week for me.

So now I’m on the train, headed to an appointment. I will miss the kids tonight and I feel bad about that. Especially since Red was hanging on to me for dear life this morning, and since Big Bro came down with a fierce illness (bad, bad cough – poor guy). I also feel bad about it for selfish reasons. I want to hold them. I want to hug them. When I am with them I feel strong. When I am with them it feels right. I feel like I need one of their hugs, smiles, squeals, or songs to make me better. I feel broken inside – I know I will heal and I’ll be stronger on the other end, but it is tough right now – and its just the beginning.

Here’s to 2012!
Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: 2012, changes, divorce, flex time, laughter, parenting, part-time, working mom, working mother

January 6: All five of us looking out for each other

January 6, 2012 by Mama K 4 Comments

Friday – the weekend is here and I am ready for it, I think. I had a very trying morning and lonely lunch — did not have much of a great day but I did manage to squeeze a good chunk of time in with all of the kiddos, which immediately made me feel better…. stronger.

I made well-visit appointments for Twin Crazy and Twin Husky, and decided to take Big Bro as well so that all four kids would be in synch with their flu vaccinations (Red got one on Wed when I went with her for her pigeon-toe issue). While I had them, I decided to grab Red as well and take her along – that way we could go out to dinner together. The kids were great at the doctors. The bigger ones helped to care for the little ones and the little ones did great even though there were shots involved.

I took them out to dinner afterwards. It looked like a pizza place on the outside, but when I got in, it was a fancy pizza / pasta / wine kindof place with cloth napkins. There were older couples and dates everywhere. Needless to say, we were the only table with four little ones (5, 3, and two 2 yr old twins) and one mama. The kids did great. Again, older ones helping little ones, me overseeing everything and making sure everyone was happy and entertained, and listening to everyone so that no-one felt ignored. It was a REALLY good dinner and the kids ate very well. As I packed everyone up, I had some people come up to me commending me on how I handle the kids and how calm and in control I was – they asked if I needed any help to the car and I said – No! This is my job! We’re off to get ice-cream now! 🙂

Ice-cream was a hit, of course. There’s not much more to say about that.

When we got home I showed Red her new princess sheets that were in the washer; she was so excited. I put them in the dryer and they were ready in no-time. She was thrilled and I helped her get her bed ready. Now both kids are excited about their new sheets (as am I) which does make a difference settling in at night.

I bought a whole slew of books on “feelings” — Little Miss and Mr. Men series by Roger Hargreaves — and they arrived today. We read two of them tonight – “Mr. Happy” and “Little Miss Helpful”. They really are entertaining and funny – I was actually laughing out loud a couple of times. So far I recommend them — they are cute at talking about the feelings that we all have as people – something everyone can relate to –

Glad for today to be over; glad for the weekend; will be spending time with Big Bro and Red on Saturday and then Twin Crazy and Twin Husky on Sunday. And trying to keep my distance.

The thing that makes what I’m going through so difficult right now is that I feel like I have no-one to talk to. Close friends I’ve had out here have moved away once their own kiddos arrived (high cost of living) and the majority of the remaining friends are friendships with hubby. So they are keeping their distance. I feel like I’m out here alone – all family back east, close friends back east, few friends here. Time zones again work against me which makes this so difficult to stay connected except through cyberspace, which just isn’t enough for me right now.

I’m hurting for the life we could have made for our children and I’m hurting for the pain that they will go through now and in the future. That’s all I want to say right now but please if you know me PLEASE reach out; I need you now.

Till next week –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: flex time, ice cream, isolation, pain, parenting, part-time, sorrow, working mom, working mother

January 5: My daughter sings me to sleep

January 5, 2012 by Mama K 2 Comments

I usually have off on Thursdays, but the condition of my new working arrangement was “flexibility”. So, here I am on a ferry headed into the city to participate in a 1/2 internal strategy meeting. The morning was fine, up until the end:

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Twin Crazy, Red, and Twin Husky were busy eating cereal and bananas. They liked talking about the bananas and the little drops of milk that had spilled on the counter, and on their chairs. I said “No problem, we’ll just clean it up. No problem.” Then the parrots begin their sing-song repetition of “No problem, no problem.”

Big Bro was slumbering upstairs in his new sheets. It took some work to get him out of there.

Twin Husky had a huge milk accident – on counter, seats, and floor.

We had a bagel incident with Big Bro – it dropped into the pile of milk on the floor. Ooops. Need to start again.

Twin Crazy was acting silly, trying to make me laugh. It worked.

Red was perfect this morning. Ate, dressed, even got Twin Crazy ready with her coat. My little helper!!!

We shuffled all kids in the van but we knew it would be tight with drop offs; No one had their shoes on (including myself). I choked down my instant coffee and someone’s leftover banana. Twins were fine; I had to put Big Bro’s shoes on and fly with him to his line in the kindergarten yard; then had to run to van for Red’s drop off. I ran her in there with no shoes on – so ghetto.

We raced to ferry parking lot. Very stressful. But all in all I think the kids went great this morning…. there were no real mishaps except for the bagel on the floor in the milk. If anything, the milk should have been picked up earlier. Getting ready in the morning is a string of events that all interlock together – if we mis-step on any one item (kids don’t like their shirt, don’t eat breakfast, etc.) it throws us all off. So I try to organize the clothes that THEY pick the night before. I try to pack the bags and get the stuff we need the night before. All in all I think Big Bro did great this morning. I wouldn’t want to eat a bagel if it fell onto a floor of milk either. The stress arises from THREE drop offs in the morning. On mornings where we divide and conquer, we are less pressed for time. Who ever heard of getting FOUR kids dressed and out the door, two lunches packed, three drop offs, and two parents commuting to work? With no help? Is this crazy? (yes).

So now I’m on the ferry thinking about work. I will have to work on a proposal in the AM and then will be tied up the rest of the day with the strategy meeting. I need to start thinking about what I think I group needs to do over the next year – we are such a small team now that we have to be very careful how we spend our time – we need to spend our time profitably (spend the right amount of time on the right client opportunities) and strengthen client relationships. That, I believe, should guide what we do in 2012.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I had a good, busy day. It felt good to be around my colleagues — where I feel heard and listened to. I feel “seen” there. My opinion matters and they actively seek it out. I know my role in the group and I am driving business in areas we have not been in. It feels empowering, risky, but fun.

I started the morning with a meeting with a Director and analyst about a proposal we will be submitting. I reworked it significantly compared to the version that was previously put together. I came to the table with thoughts on what to do, how to position our experience, and how to differentiate ourself from our known competitors for this piece of work. I made the changes to the proposal that we agreed to and had that complete before our strategy session started. I was going from meeting to meeting, without a break.

Immediately afterwards, I got together with our entire team to work on our strategy for the upcoming year. It feels good to participate in these meetings and have my voice heard. I say something, and people listen to me. They notice me. It was a good meeting and I feel good about the upcoming year with me and my role at the firm.

Now I’m on the ferry home to the kids. I’m not sure what to do about dinner. I’m thinking about ordering a pizza. I am physically drained. I think partly because I’m a bit sick and have not been getting much sleep. I also have a lot on my mind and am seeking closure but I know the process will take much longer than I would like.

I just want to rest on my bed.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I ordered a pizza on my way off of the ferry. Pick ups for the kids were great.

Unbelievably, the pizza got to the house just as we were putting away our coats at home. Just in time!!!

By the time Hubby got home, we were all fed and playing with Legos on the floor.

A series of children’s books arrived that talked about “feelings” — How do I feel when I feel scared? Angry? Scared? How do I feel when I miss you? The girls were really into the books. Twin Crazy immediately fell in love with the “scared” book. Red fell in love with the “miss you” book. Big Bro was curious about the “angry” book, but pretended not to care.

I ran around with the kids and chased them and tickled them with Red on my back.

Bedtime took a long time. I’m wiped out.

I’m typing now while I’ll listen to Red on the “kid monitor”. She’s singing “Santa Clause is coming to town” and messing up the words. They already went through their requests of “I’m scared” and “I want more mommy time” and “I want to come downstairs and give you a hug.”. Too cute. Her singing is making me sleepy.

I think I’ll sign off now and let my little girl sing me to sleep for a change –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: commute, meeting, working mom, working mother

January 4: A day with Red

January 4, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Wednesday is a day I work from home, 1/2 day. But it was still very rushed this AM –

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I woke up a bit late; the room is very dark and makes it easy to snooze.

I did not bother to shower. I’m working from home today. Instead, I worked with the kids, helping with breakfast, diaper changes, etc. I needed to get out early since Big Bro wanted to scooter to school today. I would have to do that with him, walk the Twins to daycare, and then rush back for a 9 AM conference call. So I was still under the gun this AM.

Twins were up and eating, but Red and Big Bro were still upstairs playing. What??!?!?? Our rule is that they must eat and get dressed before they play with toys. I need to go up there more often to make sure they are not sneaking play time in. It SERIOUSLY disrupts the routine.

Everyone ate well; everyone got dressed AOK. We were out at a decent time. Hubby dropped of Red, but I reminded her that I was going to “steal” her before her lunch to take her to the doctors. Nothing serious… her feet are a little pigeon-toed but I wanted to get that checked out in case it was anything we should be concerned about (it is nothing by the way, at least for now – probably something she will grow out of — her hips are straight – whew)..

We were off! We randomly met up with the Motley Crew and rode with them. Within 1 minute Big Bro fell on his scooter since the ground was slippery. All of the kids were concerned and asked him if he was OK. They are really good kids. He was fine, but scared. And embarrassed, I think. He walked with me the rest of the way.

After the Big Bro drop off I ran the Twins to daycare, left the stroller there, and practically ran the whole way back (again, good exercise). I made it just in time for my 9 AM call.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I dialed into the call while I got my computer set up, refilled my coffee mug, and nuked some Trader Joe’s breakfast. They started the call 5 minutes late, thankfully for me. It was a call
related to another forum that we could potentially be launching. There is a lot of excitement around this and we are in process of recruiting industry sponsors and planning for a big meeting in April. If this gets launched, it could be something that I would be very proud of professionally. I’m excited about it.

Afterwards I followed up on some items related to the call, and also some issues in my email that I had to get to. I then packed up to get Red.

Red was playing and enjoying herself in the playground when I came to pick her up. Her teachers are wonderful. Red did not see me at first … but to see her playing with her friends and to see her pure joy is so wonderful – she caught my eye and then came running over to me – I love those embraces…. running at full steam, face all smiles with a look of determination, and then a small body plowing into mine and grabbing hold of my legs and looking up at me with her face. I love it. I got her set up in the minivan with her lunch so she could eat it on the way there. She talked about napkins and how she needed them to wipe her face. We were off!

The doctor visit was uneventful. We read books and looked at the colors of cars from out the window while we were waiting.

She fell asleep on the way home; I picked her up and put her in my room for her nap. She woke up briefly and was all smiles, cuddled deep into the abyss of my sheets.

I re-worked a proposal for a client project and looked at the budget; it is due next week. We are in good position to win this one. The proposal needs a bit more work but I sent it out to the team by 5 PM so we can talk about it in the morning. Although Thursday is not a typical working day for me, tomorrow will be since we are having a day long internal strategy session. So I will go to the office and might as well make a full day of it. Part of the part-time gig deal with my bosses was that I would be flexible when needed – so flexible I am!!! I want this arrangement to be successful for me and the company. While I worked, Red was “working” on her LeapPad. We were buddies working together.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Big Bro and the Twins with Red. Before we left, Red needed to hug me for a bit. She sat embraced with me, and she started the rocking motion that we do together – in silence. Her body was pulling mine back and forth – I pulled her on top of my lap and we sat there for 10 minutes or so just rocking in silence. I think this fills up her “mommy time” tank when she needs it. Or, it at least helps.

Dinner was fine, but interrupted by the arrival of Big Bro’s Star Wars sheets. I never saw a kid so excited to see a big box before and help to rip it open. I quickly got the sheets into the washing machine so he could have clean fresh new sheets for bed tonight. All five of us looked at the sheets in the washing machine – and we were teaching Twin Crazy and Twin Husky about the washing machine and how it works – how the water comes in with the soap and how the clothes go around and around until they are clean. They all really got into it. I remember doing the same with Big Bro and with Red when they were smaller. It must be something about the humming of the machine, the flow of the water, and the motion that really mesmerizes the kids. It was fun doing this with all of them.

Twin Husky was busy doing chores. First we saw him brushing Twin Crazy’s teeth. Then I witnessed him cleaning up his drinking cup and floor with a towel. So cute.

Kids got cranky – Twins were banished to their rooms for bed.

I folded laundry with Big Bro and Red while waiting for the sheets to dry. Red was very helpful, folding the clothes and putting them in the right piles.

Bedtime with Big Bro and Red was dicey. Red refused to brush her teeth so I had to get involved. Big Bro and Red were awesome about getting the new sheets on the bed. Big Bro didn’t want to go pee pee when I asked him so there was a bit of a power-play there. I read The Tale of Peter Rabbit without him next to me and then left him lying on the floor, after covering him with his old blanket. I later checked in on them out of guilt and he was in bed, so loving his new sheets. I kissed them both and they bid their farewell to me on my way out.

Today was very, very, very busy. I was seriously running from the time I got up until now. I guess it goes to show you how I really can’t split up my day – work, personal, work. It’s just too hard. It’s best to keep the work from 9 – 1, and then have the rest of the day to myself and my kid(s). This is a key learning that I need to remember going forward.

Red is sitting with me in my bed since she was “scared” upstairs. We’re eating mini-wheats together. It’s so late, and she’s still my little buddy today.

Very happy, but tired. Happy about the time with Red, about Big Bro’s sheets, and about the progress I made at work today. I feel like I missed out on the Twins a bit. But that will be what Friday is for…

Til tomorrow,
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: flex time, parenting, part-time work, pediatrician, working mom, working mother

January 3: Hectic, hectic morning… still recovering…

January 3, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

First day back to the normal routine – getting four kids ready, three drop offs, and a race to the ferry to commute to the city. It was tight. We literally dropped Red off at daycare with one sock on, and two shoes in her hands. That’s how tight it was. I’m on the ferry now, heart still pounding realizing I really need to get in shape. I know that’s what everyone is thinking right now with new year’s resolutions, so I’ll join you in that.

Highlights of my Morning and Commute:

Still getting used to my “new normal”. Where is my comb? Where are my shoes? Toothbrush?
Grabbed instant coffee to get myself started. I had a terrible nights sleep due to allergy attack from cat dander from hand-me-down clothes from friend. I’m still sneezy.
Grabbed the piles of clothes from upstairs for Red and Big Bro. For some reason they just stepped over those piles without putting anything on. I still think it’s a great part of the routine to pick out the clothes the night before…. if they put them on by themselves, I guess that’s an added bonus.
Chocolate Tuesday – even with the Twins. There were four chocolate faces that I kissed this morning. Twin Crazy was very vocal asking for more bread and chocolate. And a banana that fell into her oatmeal. I rinsed it off and we all laughed and both twins continued to talk about the fallen banana.
Diaper changes. I love that time with the Twins. Twin Husky was looking at Twin Crazy’s bear so that threw her off into a tantrum. Full fledged now. The type where she throws her body on the floor. She is a fire-cracker. She was fine when it was her turn and Twin Husky gave her the bear back.
Twin Crazy was fixated on washing her hands in the bathroom sink, even though I already washed her hands with wipes. She is stubborn and if she has something in her mind she needs to follow through with it. There is no side-tracking her (unlike her brother).

Big Bro got dressed just fine. Red was a problem, as usual as of late. Issues with the shirt, issues with the socks, etc. I had to physically maneuver her arms and legs to get her dressed. I should not be doing this with her – and we were tense since we were running extremely late.
We grabbed the kids and headed to the van. It will be tight to do all three drop offs at this time: 8:10AM!!! We rushed the Twins in – Twin Crazy was asking for Sponge Bob. I know this daycare provider keeps the TV on all day long which I hate. And now these Twins can talk and tell us what they do during the day. Big Bro drop off went smooth. Red was a mess. She was half dressed but smiling.
We tore into the ferry parking lot and just made it onto the ferry. I have no make-up on, wet hair, and have no wallet.

This was one of those days where the blood pressure was sky high. On the drive to the ferry parking lot, I looked back in time and asked myself how the hell did I do this 5 days in a row non-stop with four children and multiple drop offs from July 2010 to November 2011? It was crazy!!! A good, competent nanny would have made life a lot easier for us but would have cost more money and the thought of hiring one was daunting for us – even though we interviewed several.

Anyway, I’m glad that I’m only doing this routine two times a week now, thank goodness.

Work will be busy today. I not only have to finish off my documents that I wanted to have completed by year end (dropped the ball here) but there are some meetings scheduled that will take my time. I’m looking forward to getting to a fuller office with people. Talking with adults and hearing how their breaks were.

Highlights of My Working Day:

Got more coffee and a danish on the way to work. Put make up on in the bathroom. OK now I’m ready.
Went through emails, got caught up. Wrote a to-do list
One conference call canceled; yeah
Started to prepare for another call that I would be leading, relating to sales efforts for a new forum. Shit. I haven’t done shit about outreach to prospective clients. So I reached out to everyone on my list and actually got great feedback from 3 prospective clients!!! YEAH!! Procrastination to the new year worked!!! 🙂
I attempted to do the meeting minutes from months ago but just can’t seem to crack that one. I need to offload this task to someone else the next time around. This is ridiculous.
I found out that a teacher of mine from High School passed away from cancer. I just sat there feeling the loss for several moments. I’ve felt so much loss over the year but this was a different kind of loss. And fear. He couldn’t have been more than 20 years older than us and was the closest teacher-friend I had in school. Hearing news like that just reinforced that our time here is limited and everyone should be doing the things that bring happiness. Despite the upheaval in my life right now, I am actually happier now than I’ve been all last year and possibly longer.

It was good to be in the office today. I enjoyed catching up with my colleagues and talking about their breaks with family. I also needed to talk about mine as well. I feel good today but fear this is the calm before the storm. So I am going to soak in the happiness now while I can. And hug my kids and look into their eyes and talk to them – all of them – we have no babies in the house anymore.

I’m on the ferry back and it is sunny out. I head back 1 hour earlier to get Big Bro and the rest, and also to get dinner started. It makes a difference. Dinner is usually done by 6 PM which curbs the crankiness and gives us lots of time to connect with the kids before they go to bed.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Red and she smiled, jumped from her chair, ran over and slammed into my legs with the biggest hug. Her teacher said that she was in a great mood all day since her best friend was back from vacation. We picked up Big Bro and the kids hid behind composting trash cans on the way out. I kept asking where the kids were and if my kids were carrot tops, old bread, potato peels… they were giggling. Big Bro made a calendar at school and circled this Thursday since that is the day his new sheets will arrive. Twin pick up was great. Twin Crazy needs to do her top buckle by herself. Twin Husky enjoys pointing to the moon and talking about the moon.
I cooked dinner – fish, curry cous-cous, frozen string beans. All kids devoured their meal. We actually ran out of food. It was kindof crazy as I was cooking. Twin Crazy was standing on a stool turning on and off the lights and saying “Its dark in her now.” Twin Husky was on top of the small table, and also pulling another small chair around to see at the different counters, put the TV on, and get himself into trouble. Twin Crazy needed a diaper change, BADLY. And then she demanded to wash her hands at the bathroom sink non-stop (actually for the rest of the evening). Big Bro was fine, playing Legos. Red was also fine, until she got into a fight with Big Bro and started a crying fit. I sat with Red, then Twin Crazy wanted to sit with us. Twin Crazy sat on my lap too and we talked about how Red was sad and how she was crying. Twin Crazy helped me console Red by patting her back, rubbing her back, and talking softly to her. I wish I could have taken a picture of it, but my camera was not with me and I did not want to disturb this sisterly moment.
I threw in some laundry before I sat down to dinner so our mothers helper could be busy. We literally have between 7-10 loads of laundry per week.
After dinner was play-time; I was busy running around and chasing the kids, tickling them, wrestling with them. I think I wore them out more than they wore me out.
We received 12 tubes of kid’s toothpaste from Amazon. They are excited to keep toothpaste upstairs for night-time and downstairs for after breakfast brushing.
Big Bro asked where his sheets were now. On a ship? I replied probably on a truck or a plane. I also said that we can track the shipment so I’ll do that with him tomorrow.
Bedtime was easy; their favorite book right now is The Tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter. That book was one of my favorites when I was a kid and I love that they now love that book too. We talk about the pictures and the story and which parts scare them and they always seem to come up with a new question for me. So sweet.

Today was a good day. Despite the mad rush in the morning, the rest of the day was low-key and the morning actually made me appreciate the days where I do not have that crazy commute.

I’m going to take it easy now in my new set up and enjoy my surroundings. I think I’ll also learn how to stream movies/shows from Amazon since I’m an Amazon Prime customer. I should be able to do that for free but don’t know how…

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

p.s. Both Big Bro and Red just came into my room, smiling, climbing into my bed, laughing, climbing all over me, hugging me, laughing, laughing, smiling, hugging… saying to me that they each needed more “Mommy time”. My heart melts. I cannot resist. I hug my babies close to me and feel thankful for the love they give to me.

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: changes, conference call, death, happiness, parenting, Peter Cottontail, working mom, working mother

January 16: Happy Birthday Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

January 13: The house is too quiet….

January 12: Release

January 11: out and about

January 10: A new day.

January 9: Busy and Broken

January 6: All five of us looking out for each other

January 5: My daughter sings me to sleep

January 4: A day with Red

January 3: Hectic, hectic morning… still recovering…

Mama In Motion

Email Subscription

My Story…

Twitter

Blog Stats

Email

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Email Subscription

My Story…

Blog Stats

Email