July 26 and 27: Stabilizing

July 28, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This is going out totally late, but I’ve been SUPER busy the past few days but still wanted to share some highlights:

Thursday, July 26:

  • Woke up to the kids each pattering into my room one by one and landing in my bed.  I love this time with them in the AM.   We ate a great breakfast, played with the chicken (she gave Twin Husky a peck/kiss through the screen door), and Red taught me how to dim the lights.  I never knew the lights could do that here.  She figured it out and taught me how she did it.   We got dressed and out the door.
  • There was no traffic and we talked about food shopping for the day and what kind of food we needed from Trader Joe’s.  Drop off for Big Bro and Red was fine; all kids looked at art from their art show.  I told them I would pick them up super-early – after lunch, but before nap.
  • Twin Crazy and Twin Husky and I hit the town and ran some errands in my old neighborhood.  I bought gas, and then we headed to the Main Library, which was new to us.  I needed to work a bit so the kids “read” some books, played, colored… while I sent out numerous emails for work.   This trip was essentially a disaster.  I know we won’t be going back there again.  They were at first very well-behaved.  And then I’m not sure what happened.  Maybe the snack kicked in, but they were running, scrambling on the seats, and causing a huge scene because they were laughing so hard.  All of this happening of course while I was working.   We (me and Librarian) tried to divert their attention to coloring, which lasted for about 5 minutes, but then there were back on the scrambling seats again but this time with crayons in their hands, running around in circles and drawing on the seats.  I gave them a time-out while I frantically cleaned up the crayon from the cushions.   We then fled.
  • Afterwards, we went shopping at Trader Joe’s.   We talked about the list of what we needed.  I am amazed at the memory of these 2 1/2 year olds.  They recited the entire list and even reminded me of some things I missed!    I had fun shopping with them.
  • We then went to pick up Big Bro and Red.  We headed back in no traffic.
  • At home, me and Red did our fingernails.  All kids played with bubbles.   We then took a stroll around the corner from the house where there are wild blackberries; we picked a bunch but poor Twin Husky kept walking on top of the thorned vines and hurting himself.  After a lot of other complaints it was time to go home.
  • Dinner was uneventful – except that I’m getting the kids to load up on fruits and vegetables.   Do you know that you’re supposed to have that be like 50% of your daily intake of food??!??!!?
  • We experimented with the Twins with spitting out toothpaste.  They both know how to spit so we’re graduating to the flouride-kind used by Big Bro and Red.

Friday, July 27:

  • I had to wake up super-early.  I had a court date for child custody and child support.  Therefore, kids had to be up and ready too, and all of them were going to daycare.  The kids put up a fight at first, but after they got started they were actually in great moods when we got into the car.  The ride was not bad; early enough in the summertime so the traffic was manageable.  We talked about fog.
  • Drop offs were all fine.  I hugged the kids a bit harder that morning.
  • Went off to the courthouse and met up with my new lawyer.  This will be the day that I will see what she is made of.   She had great ideas to protect me in certain areas and we showed up very well prepared.  I presented co-parent with several options that would be acceptable for me for child support decisions.  So essentially it was left to him.  We struck an agreement that is reasonable and fair.   My lawyer is great.  I wish I found her sooner.  I burned up too much money with my old lawyer and all he wanted to do was go to court.  What a waste.
  • I picked up the kids immediately afterwards.  We headed back to my house even though I had to drop the kids off at co-parent’s later that night.  I wanted to be with them and relax at my home.
  • It was hot so we did water-play.  It was fun.  I loved it actually.   I honestly needed to sit back, relax, and feel the sun on my body.  I needed to lay down and hear the kids laugh and play.   I needed to sit and not think.   I felt so much better after just 10 minutes being outside in the warm air.
  • Big Bro was a bit of a “teaser” so I sent him inside.  I then noticed that the blankets were torn off of my bed and the girl’s bed and I talked to Big Bro about it.  He claimed it wasn’t him.  I didn’t believe him since the acts would have required muscle.   I left him alone to sulk inside and was hoping he would just tell me the truth that he was mad at me.  But he wouldn’t.  He kept his story straight the whole time.  So then I asked Twin Crazy and Twin Husky, and they admitted it.  They were a pair acting together and ripped the sheets off the bed.  I felt so bad.  I apologized to Big Bro.  I said that he must have felt so frustrated at me, when he was telling me the truth and I was not listening to him.  I felt so bad for the kid.  He did so good though, staying inside and not putting up a fight with me.  I was actually very proud of him.  He told me his side of the story, and then accepted my apology with grace.
  • The ride back was fine.   Friday’s are good since I know I’m going to see them on Saturday afternoon.

Afterwards, I drove back and went to the Apple store.  I bought a new computer.  I went home.  I proceeded to put together the IKEA desk furniture.  I drank one beer and ate 1/2 box of Life cereal.  I worked until midnight.  I fell into my bed, exhausted but strangely at peace.

There are now quite a bit of the divorce process behind us.   We’ve physically separated, the kids now have two homes, I bought a house and have managed to furnish it and put it together as best I can, we battled on child custody, mediated child custody, and had a child custody evaluation for the next school year.   We mediated child support and came to an agreement.  I had one lawyer, and then another (and am much happier now).   Although it would have been nice to have an extra stream of money over to me, I think the arrangement that we came up with is good.  The money is going to childcare.  And we’re now getting the best childcare for the kids.   And I still get to feel like I’m doing this on my own.  I am fiercely independent and the thought of child support paid over to me honestly felt funny.   I don’t think I like that arrangement.   With this, we each are invented to optimize what we can earn to do the best for the kids.   And I get my autonomy.   And independence.  And ability to work the way I need to, so I can be there for the kids and take care of myself in the process.

Have a great weekend everyone

– Mama K

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July 25: Reuniting with the artists

July 25, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Wednesday is the only day of the week that I am truly a “working mother”, where I actually have chunks of my day devoted to both roles.   Let me tell you.  It started out good, really good.  Then sucked.  Really sucked.   Then OK.  And then I got the kids and my day turned completely around.

Highlights of the Morning:

  • I woke up and immediately started organizing and taking out the trash bins.   I got home late last night, in the dark, so couldn’t get to this last night.  So there I was in my PJs walking my grounds grabbing gardening clippings and old sprinkler hoses and looking at the morning sun and breathing the crisp air while dodging the chickens.   I also packed down boxes from the IKEA office that is being assembled.
  • I got through a LOT of emails since I worked late last night to organize these upcoming meetings in Fall.  I received a speaker confirmation from a big industry player so am thrilled – and had a great conversation with him on the phone.  I love the fact that these people call me.  They call me back!   And I can sell the opportunity on-the-fly and convince this industry leader that it makes sense for him to come to MY meeting!   I love it.  I was pumped.
  • And then I had to leave for a mediation appointment.   I just can’t go there.   I completely do not trust this man.   And now our agreement on an improved daycare situation for Twin Crazy and Twin Husky is in jeopardy because of cost.  No kidding it’s expensive to live out here with daycare with four kids.  NOW HE GETS IT???!?!?!?!??!?!?    I sat there and all of the arguments that I was trying to convince him of about the unaffordability of this place were thrown back at me during this meeting.  By him AND our mediator.   Our mediator was shocked at the amount of money we spend in daycare.  No kidding.    It’s again like throwing salt in the wounds that are trying to heal.  I know this already.  I was pleading for years.   And here we are.   No resolutions so we may be in court next week.
  • Afterwards, I drove to the kids neighborhood but I worked in a local Starbucks.  I love that place.  I got a TON of stuff done.  Lots of coordination and follow up that I needed to attack and I really was so productive.   I then went to pick up the kids.

The Rest of the Day:

  • I showed up at Big Bro and Red’s daycare and was a bit shocked at their art fair.  I didn’t know it was happening.  But the classes each created art for auction to raise money for the school.  Big Bro’s class did photography.  He took a picture of ducks swimming.   Red’s class did pasta painting.  She created a colorful flower out of colored pasta.  They were more interested in eating the food (grapes and goldfish) but they also were proud of their art.  So was I.
  • Pick up with the Twins was hysterical.  Both were screaming Mommy Mommy Mommy!!!!!!   Twin Husky was so excited that he kept throwing his Tiger up in the air.  He kept doing it over and over again and his little body was catapaulting the stuffed Tigers all over the place.  So cute.  Twin Crazy was also excited and giving lots of hugs and kisses.  Twin Husky is using more of his words and he said “Mommy come over here” and he wanted to show me a bug.  It was a rolly-polly.  I told them that if they touch it, it will turn into a ball.  So I did and we were all laughing.  And then Twin Husky, clueless as usual, tried it as well but wound up smashing it all over the sidewalk.  Poor thing.
  • On the ride home we did not have any music but all talked.  Twin Crazy is amazingly verbal.  She was having full blown conversations about the guinea pig and the animals at the house and how we lock the doors to stay safe and how foxes eat chickens and on and on and on….   We talked about the motorcycles and how they weave along lanes of cars in traffic and how that can be dangerous.  We talked about the commuter train.  We talked about motorcyclists who were driving more safe than others.  We talked about how I saw deer on the road the other day.  We talked about the fog.  We talked a lot but I think Twin Crazy honestly did most of the talking.
  • At home I started on dinner and the kids went with me to get the mail.   We met neighbors walking their dog Rocco – a huge friendly dog that scared Twin Husky but thrilled Twin Crazy.   Red kept wanting to “do something” with me; we settled on Legos and I was going back and forth with Big Bro and Red while the Twins were outside talking and raking chicken poop.
  • Kids ate well.   We had smoothies for dessert.
  • Afterwards we did more Legos, and also drew.  Twin Husky and Twin Crazy were very proud of their art.  We hung everything on an “art wall” that I have in the kitchen and they were excited.  Red was coloring and I handed her the colors for her work.
  • Bedtime went really well.  They all listened with brushing teeth.  Twin Crazy and Twin Husky can now “spit” so I guess I can start them on real toothpaste tomorrow night.   All kids were good with books and all kids settled into bed reasonably fast.   It was a good night.

One thing that I’m really struck by is the difference in the Twins each Wednesday when I see them.  Only 3 days have gone by, but they are different.  Honestly.  I can’t believe how talkative Twin Crazy was tonight.  

I got soooooo much attention from all the kids.  I love Wednesdays.   I felt super productive at work – even though it was only a 1/2 day for me – and was reunited with the kids.   I can go to sleep happy tonight despite the mediation morning, which sucked royally.

Til tomorrow –

– Mama K

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July 13: Great day because of a dead car??!!?!

July 13, 2012 by Leave a Comment

It’s Friday.   My car is still dead.  Battery.   This was a sweet blessing.  I couldn’t drive Big Bro and Red to daycare.  So instead, we had  a day at my house.  I usually take them out on activities while I have them all, but today we were stranded.  So it was a bit unusual but still so sweet.

Highlights of the Morning:

  • I woke up to Twin Husky, Twin Crazy, and Red all at the same time.
  • I checked the car.  Yes, it was dead.  YES!
  • I decided it would be a long breakfast day.  Pancakes.  Shit.  I only had a tiny bit of the instant stuff.  The other stuff requires milk and egg.  I had no eggs.  SHIT.  Big Bro and Red offered to go next door to our neighbor’s house to sweet talk some fresh eggs.  It worked.  They said they must be for breakfast.  Big Bro and Red replied “Pancakes”.   They each came back with one egg.  One orange, one blue.   Fresh from the chickens.  I love this place.
  • The kids made a maze for Cocoa which included his house, his new toy tunnel, and a huge blanket.   There were some fights over who could go into the “girls room”.   For some reason Twin Husky is always the kid that is left out.  He is sometimes backed up by his twin Twin Crazy, but oftentimes not when in front of big sister and big brother.  I had to enter the room and bring Twin Husky with me, and remind him to be well behaved, not throw anything, and not put anything in his pockets.
  • Afterwards some of us fed weeds to the chickens and also rotated the compost bin while we were out there.  
  • I was checking and responding to emails.  I conference call that I had scheduled at 10 AM was cancelled.  Thank goodness since I took the call originally thinking I would be on the highway.  Now that I was home with all four a call with a client would not have been possible.  I’m glad it was cancelled on me.
  • The kids were enthralled by the sewer guys doing routine maintenance cleaning out the roots and debris from the underground sewer system.  The workers had to use the backyard to get to a sewer cover in the back.  They commented on the work that was done in the backyard, and that the other neighbors did not have the tiered patio the way that I do.  They complimented the look of the house and congratulated all of us.  The kids just wanted to know if there was too much poop that clogged up the sewer or not.
  • Big Bro saved pages in his Star Wars Lego encyclopedia for the different sets that he is interested in “building”.  He must have had 20 pages flagged.  I asked him to narrow it down to 1 or 2.  He seriously got so excited at the thought of a new set that he anxiously ran into the house to start culling the possibilities down.
  • I did some laundry and the kids loved it.
  • Then we just did some relaxing.  I was making lunch and turned around to see Red reading a book, the boys playing quietly with Cocoa, and Twin Crazy getting set up to read.   So sweet.  I love hanging out in the house with them, just being ourselves.
  • There were a lot of flies in the house so Big Bro went hunting for them with a fly swatter and then I carried the dead ones over to our venus flytrap.  I showed the kids how the flytrap works by putting flies into the leaves and they would quickly close.  How cool.   There’s no shortage of flies in this house so we’ll probably gather them faster than the plant can consume them.
  • The twins went down for their naps.

 

 

 

Highlights of the Afternoon:

  • Red and Big Bro were playing with chickens.  Red was picking them all day long.  She is really good at it.  The chickens just let her swoop them up.  There were a few times I caught Twin Husky chasing them with a rubber mallet and I’m glad the chickens are as fast as they are.
  • Big Bro and Red went shopping with me on my iPad for Lego sets.  I got one set for each kid.  Big Bro and Red helped me to pick out sets they thought that Twin Crazy and Twin Husky would like.  Big Bro was having a great time shopping.  He was great when I would sometimes say “too much money” and would not even cause a fuss.   Some of these Star Wars sets are outrageously expensive.
  • After naps, we snacked.  Twin Crazy then sat down and read some books out loud again.  I love this stage that she is in right now.
  • Kids went outside to run while I was waiting for roadside assistance for yet another jump-start.
  • It finally got there and the kids had a good time watching the car get “fixed”.

After dropping the kids off I went to the Toyota dealership to drop off the van.  They gave me a car to use in the meantime.  I Prius!    Half electric, half gas!  It gets 50 miles to the gallon!!  I love it!  I asked when they would come out with a minivan and the salesperson laughed.  They will be coming out with a station wagon and SUV so maybe a mini-van is not that far out of reach several years from now when the Toyota “dies” for good.

I had fun driving home and decided that I did not want to go home right away.  I went to a hot spot in my new town where they have AMAZING lamb-burgers (only 20% ground lamb… but SOOOOOO yummy).   A beer also hit the spot.  It felt good to be out.   In a normal environment.   I felt good.  I had a good day with the kids essentially doing nothing.   They were reasonably well-behaved except for the “my room” thing and teasing Twin Husky.  

It is chilly outside and I am typing in my living room under a cozy blanket with the fireplace on.  And a fly zooming around my head.  The crickets outside.   It was a good day.

Happy weekend all –

– Mama K

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July 12: Children’s tears

July 12, 2012 by Leave a Comment

It’s Thursday; my day off; but it was not a good one for the kids.

Highlights of the 1st half of the Day:

  • Kids got up early.  I think it was Twin Husky who was in my bed first.
  • One by one I hear them get up; and also hear them playing with Cocoa.   I get up at 7:45 AM.
  • Fast breakfast today guys…. cereal, yogurt, fruit…. NOT pancakes, which Big Bro requests.   It’s a fast breakfast because I have to get Big Bro driven to his field trip today for day camp.  They are going to a golf course.  I think he will love it.   Both Big Bro and Red question me on why they have to go to daycare.   I honestly do not know what to say to them.  I’m disgusted that I have to bring them there on my day off, and that Twin Crazy and Twin Husky have to sit through four different car rides of at least 35 min – 1 hour.  It’s just not right.  It’s my day off.  I should be able to choose to have them be with me versus having them go to daycare, if I am willing and able to do it.  This arrangement is depriving the kids of each other.   And of the activities that I would be able to do with them if they were here with me.
  • We get to the golf course and we are there early.  So I get the kids out of the car so we can all explore the golf driving range a bit.  The kids were great.  We felt the grass and the difference of the grass on the putting area.  They counted and played with golf balls.  They watched golfers as they worked on the driving range.   They watched the truck sweep the balls off of the driving range.   It was great.   Big Bro’s class arrived and when we left Big Bro was in tears.  I got the rest of the kids to the car quickly.
  • Drop off for Red was fine.  She was clingy and would not let go of my arm.  They were all playing outside in the yard.  One of her teachers was looking through a magazine, shopping for school supplies.  I asked Red if she wanted to go “shopping” with the teacher.  That worked.  She sat on her lap and received hugs as they went through the magazine together.  This place is great with us.
  • On the way out, Twin Crazy and Twin Husky couldn’t help but play in the kid-kitchen area.  They’re favorite spot.
  • I drove home with the Twins.  I gave them applesauce pouches as a snack.   The ride back was uneventful.
  • The kids played while I made them lunch.
  • After lunch we read some books and then it was time for naps.  They decide to hide on the couch in hopes of me not seeing them.   They went to sleep easily.

Highlights of the 2nd part of the Day:

  • Twins woke up but later than I had hoped… 3:30.   I quickly got them a snack and packed them up for the trip to pick up Big Bro and Red.  
  • Big Bro pick up was fine; Red’s pick up was fine.  She was playing outside on a swing with her friends.  Her teachers told me that she was upset and crying 1/2 hour after I left her this morning.   I can’t stand to hear things like this.  Especially when she could have been home with me.
  • While I was talking to the teachers, the kids started to amuse themselves in Red’s classroom.  They were all in the book area either reading books, resting on the little furniture, or looking at the lizard and fish.   I went over to them and decided to rest with them.  To watch them play together and enjoy this time with them.  Twin Crazy was pretending to read a book out loud to us and then got angry and told her siblings to stop talking and pay attention.  So, so, cute.  I even got a video of that one.   I got them up and out by reminding them to drink water and Red ran over to the class’ water fountain and she served everyone water.    So cute.
  • I wanted to get home early to have time with the kids, but the day was working against me.  I had them all buckled in and then the car wouldn’t start.  I don’t get it.  Lights were going on but the engine wouldn’t even attempt to turn over.  I bought this car only 5 weeks ago.   So I called Toyota and while we were waiting I grabbed all four of the kids and took them back inside the daycare center to play.   They had fun with each other.  I was playing games with Big Bro and Red.   Twin Husky was cleaning and collecting blue Lego pieces.  Twin Crazy was showing me how she can balance her body on a table and pretend she could fly.
  • The jump on the car worked fine and they assured me that a drive of at least 30 minutes should fully recharge the battery.  They were wrong.  When I got home the car would not start back up.  SHIT.
  • I quickly made dinner since it was so late; immediately after dinner it was time to get the kids ready for bed.

I’m tired of seeing the kids strapped up in their car seats.  I’m tired of the questions on why they need to go to daycare and that they do not want to go.   I’m tired of dealing with the twins as they cry when they are getting put into their car seats. 

Contrast that to last week, when I was able to keep the kids on July 5 and July 6.  I took them to the library to get library cards and books.  I took them to a museum where the learned about injured wildlife and how people work to help these animals get better.   And they played with each other like kids in the summertime.   And made lemonade and tried to sell it (four customers!)

This was a summer that I was looking forward to.   And the opportunities with the kids together were great – I’m taking this time off but this is not working, at all.  It has not been good on the family.   Changes need to be made.

Til tomorrow –

– Mama K

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July 11: Riders and farmers

July 11, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I worked a 1/2 day today from home and then picked up the kids after not seeing them since Sunday.   It is also so late right now that I hope to be brief…

Highlights of My Working Day:

  • I woke up later; showered; drank lots of coffee.   Straightened up my “office” at home and realized that I need to get this place organized so I can be more efficient.  It is the “holding” place for lots of boxes that I just have not had the energy to go through and unpack.  This room is the least put together of all the rooms in the house.
  • I had a internal call to straighten out some billing issues and then we discovered more billing issues going back several years.  Ugggh.  What did I inherit?
  • I talked with a friend from college for a bit; caught up with each other; we are both going through hard times now but support each other.  We think so much alike.  I don’t have to take those extra steps to explain things to her.   She just gets it and understands how must feel without me even talking about it.  She finishes my sentences for me.   It makes it easier to explain my story.  I miss her and will likely not see her again for a very long time.
  • I led a planning meeting with several clients for one of the forums that I need to organize this Fall and we came away from the call with lots of great ideas.  I now have my marching orders so will be busy the next several months.
  • I sent out some communications to potential replacement lawyers for the forums and also potential new clients.
  • I spoke to my friend from work who is leaving and both of us burst into tears on the phone.  She is leaving the firm and accepted a job in NYC so her husband could be better positioned to find a job in that market.  I am so proud of her.  I am continuously struck by the strength and power of women who do whatever it takes to provide the best for their families.  Is it part of our DNA?   Are working mothers a force to be reckoned with?   We are so strong!  

The Rest of the Day:

  • I was still teary on my way to pick up the kids.   It felt so good to see them.  To feel them in my arms.  Big Bro saw me first and he was busy washing his hands of finger paint.  He kept washing his hands and purposely did not run over to me — he’s at that age where his friends are important; I was OK with that though.  I knew what he was doing.   And I knew that at some point tonight he would specifically ask me for some one-on-one time.   That’s just the way he is.
  • Red was outside with her friends doing water play.  But she was sitting by herself.  I asked her teacher if she was OK and she said that she was playing but then suddenly got a little sad and wanted to sit by herself.   When she saw me she ran into my arms and I started pulling her up to do flips against my body.  It’s our “thing” together.   We looked at the classroom lizard on the way out.  I then saw her teacher again and asked her about the “baby talk” that I’m hearing from Red.  This is new.   And the teacher heard it too.  I want to understand if she does this during the day when I am not around or if this is something that she is doing now in front of me.  I don’t know what to make of it.
  • Twin pick up was great.  They wanted to show me how they ride their tricycles.  They are getting so good with those pedals and steering.
  • On the way back we got stuck in traffic.  We talked about trains, music (picking out the drums, guitars, etc.).   A Motley Crue song came on “Wild Nights” and Big Bro heard the DJ and commented on Motley Crue and how that is like HIS Motley Crew gang…. Yes!  Absolutely!   That’s why I nicknamed his riding crew the “motley crew” as a joke.   It is so great how we are engaging like this with each other.   I’m really enjoying this older age.
  • We got home and Big Bro and Red wanted to go next door and check on the neighbors.  I’m glad they miss their friends.   I threw dinner in the over and headed outside to work on strawberry bushes.    Putting stakes in the ground and tieing up the stems.  The bushes are getting big now and the leaves are getting heavy.  When they get watered the stems just limp down so I figured they needed some support.   The kids were interested in what I was doing and even started to help with watering them.
  • We ate quickly and had lots of veggies and fruit
  • We then went back outside and started to plant carrot seeds in a seedling kit I recently bought.   The kids all worked together to fill the little containers with soil, then put the seeds in, put more soil on top, water them, and then press the soil down.  I love these projects where they all work together.
  • I knew it was bedtime when Red and Twin Husky started fighting over a broom.
  • We read books to the Twins in the living room and then tucked them in.  Red stayed with Twin Crazy while I read a book one-on-one to Big Bro, per his request.   I then read one-on-one to Red.   I need to spend more time with them but I don’t know how else to do it.  I would like to start “routines” like this so that I know I can at least squeeze in some mommy-time for each of them, consistently.  But I need to do more.
  • The boys fell asleep right away; the girls were up for a bit.  Red was happy and very talkative.  Cocoa was also in their room this week.  I taught them the meaning of the word “roommate”.

I am so tired right now.   I had an emotional day with tears and that always wipes me out.  And then add to that seeing the kids again.  And feeling like they changed a bit and I missed out on it.  And hearing Red’s baby-talk.   And hearing in the car how the kids don’t like the car seats or sitting in traffic.   I wish co-parent would agree to come closer in proximity.  He doesn’t see how the drive and commute is affecting his kids.   It’s terrible.  And tomorrow the Twins and I will have to make four trips.   I’ll have to give them a treat of ice-cream or something.

Til tomorrow –

– Mama K

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July 5: Responsibilities and work

July 5, 2012 by 1 Comment

Thursday is here and I’m pretty psyched. Today I usually do not work and have responsibility for the kids. However, I’ve been instructed that Big Bro and Red need to be taken to daycare on my days off, even though I keep Twin Crazy and Twin Husky with me, even though it is just daycare, even though I do not work on these days and WANT to be with them, and even though Twin Crazy and Twin Husky are now forced to ride on the highway FOUR times to do the drop offs and picks up with me.

I’m psyched today because co-parent “allowed” me to keep everyone home today and tomorrow since he had a vacation with them on Monday and Tuesday of this week. So I had the day with the kids, ALL of the kids, and it was great.

Highlights of the Day:

  • The kids woke up at 8 AM. They hopped in my bed and I loved it. Red brought in “Cocoa” they guinnea pig and I hoped she would not poop in my bed.
  • We had a fast breakfast and all got changed. I picked some weeds and feed the chickens as the kids got changed.
  • We hit the library in my new town to check it out and get the kids library cards. IT IS HUGE!!!!! Big Bro knew how to get a library card. I did this with him at our old house. Thie kid needs to know how to write their names by themselves. So that was easy for him. The big news is that Red is now writing her name too!!! So she got to sign up for a library card too. I told them the responsibility that comes with having a library card. How they are responsible for taking care of the card and for taking care of the books we borrow. They were pumped. We all headed to the books and passed a huge section of DVDs that I got excited over. We picked out books first, one for each child, and then went and picked out 2 DVDs. They were all excited.
  • We snacked outside of the library and made it to the car in one piece. We had some lunch and then the Twins took their naps. I read their new books to them.
  • During naps we played with Cocoa, watched some TV, and did work in the yard. Me and Red worked together to dig holes, water the earth, and plant corn stalk sprouts that were given to us by our neighbors. She was great with the hose. She also found time to chase chickens and she picked up two on different occasions. I’m calling her my “chicken whisperer”. She’s really good at getting them and they seem to like her. Her face looks so proud when she holds them – she tries to hold back a smile which is so cute. Big Bro helped me to repot a raspberry bush to a bigger outdoor pot. They both really enjoy the one-on-one time and working together with me.
  • After naps, the kids played on scooters, and I continued to work in the yard. I used some shears to cut back some trees in the driveway. Big Bro swept.
  • The five of us took a walk to the mailbox for a break – someone was crying beforehand and I needed a diversion.
  • I then got adventurous and started to “weed wack” the mass of dead weeds in the backyard. WHY DID I WAIT UNTIL NOW TO START USING IT? THE THING IS AMAZING!!!! The weeds come down within seconds and seriously the yard looks so much better. Big Bro and Red were turning my Tumbler of compost, and then also got rakes to clean up the dead weeds. They were both working so hard. So cute. Twin Crazy was scared of the weed-wacker.
  • I started dinner. All kids ate like teenagers from all of the hard work. Big Bro said I guess we are good gardeners. And I have a green thumb!
  • I cleaned up and the kids played. Afterwards we sat and relaxed and started to watch a DVD about baby animals. Twin Crazy squealed. I made air-popped popcorn and the kids went nuts. They love that thing. Then it was time for bed.
  • TWIN HUSKY USED THE POTTY AND SOME PEE PEE CAME OUT AND ONE LITTLE POOP!!!! I am so proud of him.
  • Big Bro did not want Cocoa in my room any longer. He asked if she could be kept in the kids rooms. Sharing weeks. One week in the Boy room, one week in the Girl room. Red and Twin Crazy were fine with that idea. I told them that having Cocoa in their room comes with responsibility. Whomever’s room she is in, needs to make sure she has enough food each day and also needs to pick out her poops from the cage. They all agreed to this plan.
  • We brushed teeth and read books in the living room. Someone noticed deer ourside in our backyard (probably puzzled by the new look of the yard and the lack of flowing weeds). All kids went nuts. Twin Crazy was later scared about the deer and Big Bro admited that he was scared a bit too. I reassured them about the doors and the house and the alarm. That seemed to work.
  • Everyone went to sleep immediately. It was a full day.

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    I am now sitting in bed and feeling great; but also thinking about the list of things that I need to do for the custody evaluation, financial mediation, and also getting my new lawyer up to speed on my case. I really need to get a lot accomplished and its just too difficult to get motivated. I just want to sit in this house and enjoy myself with the kids.

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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    July 2: Happy (?) birthday to me

    July 2, 2012 by 3 Comments

    I turned 42 today.

    Half of my life ago and on the evening before my birthday, I attempted to keep up with friends who were buying me too many shots for my 21st birthday. I promptly proceeded to vomit an entire box of raviolis into the bushes outside of the bar where we were celebrating.

    Today, I go to work and have a series of planning meetings for the company. I go out to dinner with a friend and co-worker (and her husband, and her two small kids) who will soon be leaving the company and this city. I will miss her. Thank you Ro for making my birthday special.

    And then I go home to an empty house, with the exception of a mailbox full of mail and a guinea-pig that we recently named (“Cocoa”). I threw in some laundry. I put on the lawn sprinkler. I watered my newly planted trees and berry bushes.

    I did not hear from the kids today, nor was I expecting to. I will see them on Wednesday AM and will have them all day Wed, Thursday, and Friday until 6 PM.

    What a difference 21 years makes.

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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    June 27: Different kinds of Love

    June 27, 2012 by Leave a Comment

    Wednesday!   I get to see the kids today!

    1/2 day of work.   I banged out a lot of things – getting meetings organized, reaching out for “testimonials” to help bolster some sales materials, planning meetings for next week.   I worked from home so also got the wash done, got the trash bins organized, and did some general straightening up for my guests who flew in today – my dad and his wife – aka Pop-Pop and Emmy!

    After work I hit the road and stopped at Home Depot to return some things.  $75 back in my pocket!  Yeah!   Also picked up some things at the old house and dropped off some borrowed things at a neighbor’s house.  Then picked up the kids!

    Highlights:

    • Attended a “sea” puppet and dance show with Big Bro and Red.  Both were excited to see me.  Red sat on my lap.  Big Bro wanted to fill me in on all the funny things that I missed during the first half of the show.   They both were really enjoying themselves.  I was happy to be there with them and stayed with them until the show was over.  We were in no rush.
    • Picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky next.  Twin Husky’s first words to me were “Me missed you Mommy”.  OMG my heart melted and I could not stop hugging them and making a HUGE fuss over seeing them.  They were excited to come with me and knew that Pop-Pop and Emmy were coming today.  We all talked about that on the way home.
    • New plates arrived for the kids – helping with portions of fruits/veggies, breads/grains, and meats.   They ate like crazy tonight and really got into their new plates.
    • There was bonding time with the still-nameless guinnea pig.
    • We picked weeds while waiting for Pop-Pop and Emmy.   We filled up a wheelbarrel and then fed the chickens.

     

    • The kids were pysched to great our visitors and show them their rooms.   Everyone was acting very silly and then it was time for  bed.   Kids were great.
    • Tonight Red asked me if I loved everyone in the family.  I said yes that I loved Nana, Pop-pop, Emmy, …..  She said “Noooooo” and seemed frustrated.  She meant co-parent.  I told her that was a difficult question and explained to her that there are different kinds of “love”.  How the love she has for her blanket is different than that for her friends at school than that for her guinnea pig and that for Mommy or Daddy.  I said it was the same for me.  I love chocolate ice-cream, but the way I love each of the kids is different.  It FEELS different to me.  Like her different kinds of love must feel different to her.  There are different kinds of love.  I did not answer her question head on since that would be un-nessessary.  But I did want to hear her.  I did want to answser her someway.    She is trying to understand and I am just grateful that she feels comfortable enough to ask me those kinds of questions.   I want to keep them talking.  Keep them questioning.  Keep them engaged.

    I’m so glad that my family is here.  I’m so glad that this house is full.   Full in many different ways.   Just like there’s different kinds of love.

    Til tomorrow –

    – Mama K

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    June 22: Beer and a bagel

    June 22, 2012 by Leave a Comment

    Looking at the date I just realized that my grandmother would have turned 92 on this day if she were still alive. Sorry mom for not calling. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

    Friday and my day off –

    Highlights of the Morning:

  • I woke up to Red and Twin Crazy and then also Twin Husky jumping in my bed. They wanted to play with the guinea pig so I got her and we were all in my bed. Then Big Bro came in too and I had all kids plus a guinea pig in my bed. That’s the most action its gotten in quite some time.
  • We watered house-plants since it was too cold to go outside and water plants. Big Bro likes having that “job”.
  • The kids then continued with guinea pig time and I actually had to use the timer function on my phone to have equal rotations. That worked well to avoid conflict.
  • We all got dressed and headed out to drop off Big Bro and Red. Once we got there Big Bro realized he had a splinter in his foot so we were all in the lobby as I was working on his foot. It was a hard one to pull out because it broke and there was just a tiny, tiny piece to grab onto. Eventually I got it. Whew.
  • The ride home was uneventful. Not much traffic. We talked about trucks. I also had a conference call for work that I took with my earbuds in.
  • I did some laundry and Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were enthralled with the new machine that you can see through.
  • They wanted to visit the chickens
  • Afterwards I made some lunch and they took naps – I did some work and then also weeded. I attacked the green dandelions that are beginning to flower….

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    The Rest of the Day:

  • After they woke up we all gathered our things and headed to the car. On the way out I stopped to get my mail and the VENUS FLYTRAP that I ordered from Amazon arrived. COOL! I was excited to show Big Bro and Red.
  • Not much traffic, whew.
  • They thought the plant was cool. Big Bro knew exactly what it was as I was opening it. He guessed it. I said it was something that we were just talking about the other day and he guessed it in one shot – VENUS FLYTRAPPER. How cute.
  • I dropped them off at co-parent’s and he started a fight with me in front of them.
  • The ride home was fine; maybe I’m just getting used to it.
  • I attacked some weeds in the backyard. I have a part of the yard that is downward sloping and I thought it would be fun to make it a garden… with traverse walking stones – the space is really un-usable since there is such as slope so I figured a garden would be the best thing. I first pulled out all of the green weeds for the chickens, and then hatcheted the all of the nasty brown tall flowing weeds. In the end it looked like I butchered a part of the yard. It looks terrible. I have to do something about that.
  • I came in, showered, and had a bagel and a beer. I watered the lawn and I’m now going to put together my composting bin. Again, I am a person of extremes. Prior to this I could barely keep a houseplant alive and now I’m sowing the earth and wanting to compost for fertilizer.

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    I’m going to sleep well tonight.

    The kids will be back with me tomorrow at 4 PM. I’m looking forward to getting some things done in the AM and then seeing them later that day.

    Have a great weekend all –
    – Mama K (farmer)

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    June 21: On the road, again

    June 21, 2012 by 2 Comments

    Thursday not working! Unfortunately I spent most of the day driving.

    Highlights of the morning:

  • The girls woke up first and we sat together in the living room reading books, and then sitting with the guinea pig, still nameless. Red was holding her as Twin Crazy tried to feed her.
  • The girls wanted an activity and wanted to color. I let them know the file cabinet drawer where all of their paper and crayons are. Red found a bag of small colored squares that looked interesting and pulled them out…. she started sorting them by color and Twin Crazy started to help her.
  • They then went on with their coloring activity.
  • Out came Twin Husky with his hair sticking up. He immediately went over to the guinea pig’s cage to say good morning.
  • The three ate cereal like champs. Out came Big Bro half dressed. He wanted to spend time with the guinea pig too.
  • We headed out the door – I’ve been instructed to take Big Bro and Red to daycare even on my days off (don’t get me started….). So off we go…. slowly…. in traffic. By the time we got there it was 10:10 AM and I didn’t know that Big Bro had a field trip (Karate) starting at 10:00 AM. I wish I knew that so that I would have been there earlier. Red’s drop off was fine.
  • Me and Twin Crazy and Twin Husky headed back to my place. We got stuck in traffic again on the way back. Twin Crazy was crying and wanted out of her car seat. We started to sing Old McDonald’s Farm which seemed to work for a bit.

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    Highlights of the Afternoon:

  • The kids found beads and sunglasses and we had fun dressing up. We read books. We cuddled on the couch. I couldn’t believe it was time for lunch. I made burrito ingredients and had fun watching the kids build their own burritos. They ate really well.
  • We all napped.
  • As soon as we got up I shoved some cookies in their faces and we headed to the car. I saw that a flower was blooming off of one of my shrubs that I thought was dead.
  • Our first half of the trip was smoothe sailing but I shuddered looking at the other side, backed up with traffic ALL THE WAY towards the city. On our second highway we got stuck in traffic. This did NOT make Twin Crazy happy. We talked about the diggers, the graffiti, the trucks…. and sang some more.
  • It was great to see Red and Big Bro. Apparently Big Bro hit a homerun this afternoon. I love hearing that about my big little man.

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    Dinner and Bedtime:

  • I decided to pull over and get some food for the way back, knowing that we would be stuck in traffic. I grabbed grapes and mango juice, and some more tortillas. The snack of grapes and juice disappeared in less than 10 minutes. These kids can EAT. The ride back was much better since all four of them were there and there was much more conversation. We talked about the trains, how I take that train to work, the motorcycles, the clouds, … … …
  • We played with the guinea pig as soon as we got back.
  • I then started to make dinner. As I was cooking I overheard Big Bro teaching Red addition and subtraction. He asked her to do it with her fingers. She was answering his questions correctly. I applauded them for learning together and working together. I love hearing the kids teach each other things. We all have things to learn from each other.
  • We ate dinner and afterwards I went outside to weed. I asked the kids to come outside to play. Big Bro did his “job” of watering the strawberry plants and the trees. Twin Husky wanted to “help” me weed so he had his weeding tool and pushed around the weeds that I gathered. We then collected the green weeds and brought them over to the chickens. That was a BIG hit. The kids loved bringing over the weeds and feeding the chickens. I had kids going back and forth and giving them green icky weeds and they loved it. Big Bro then got into weeding himself, and said that he wanted to do more of this on Sunday. He is way too funny.
  • Twin Crazy pooped her pants so that was a good segue for coming inside.
  • I got the kids ready and read to the girls first on the couch. They were VERY serious about not letting the boys in their room. So of course the boys joined forces and acted silly with each other running in and out of their room. It is really sweet to see them interact with each other now – They are 4 years apart but really starting to interact.
  • I read to the boys next; and then the girls again in their own room. Twin Crazy repeats EVERYTHING that Red says. If Red is too hot, Twin Crazy is too hot. If Red wants water, Twin Crazy wants water. If Red has an itch, Twin Crazy has an itch. Again, so sweet. My little parrot.

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    All kids are asleep now and I hear guinea pig rustling around every now and then. I’m not sure what to do about tomorrow. I have to drop them off at co-parent’s at 6 PM but will have little time with them. I’d like to spend time with them in the AM, drop off Red and Big Bro, and then maybe stay in that area and go to a library or beach or something. Someplace where we can grab a snooze. Then pick up Big Bro and Red and do something. Maybe a museum or the zoo. I just don’t want to spend the whole day driving on the highway and also missing out on my kids. Anything to avoid having to take these toddlers on four trips on two separate highways, in traffic each way. I’ll figure something out tomorrow and will likely pack up the car with extra clothes, food, etc. It will be an adventure.

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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