parenting – Mama In Motion™

May 30: Wagons of Weeds

May 30, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Wednesday! My day to work from home and work 1/2 a day. I love these days. I actually get A LOT done! Some highlights, that I remember:

Highlights of the Morning:

I read a book to Twin Husky, Twin Crazy, and Big Bro. I started with Twin Husky since he needed some cuddle time and then came Twin Crazy, and then Big Bro… Red was having a problem so she did not join us.
Co-parent left Red sulking so I went over to see what the problem was. She wanted a containter of cereal to take to school with her. While I was at it, she said she wanted a bowl of cereal to eat now. Then before I knew it I had the others back at the breakfast bar eating a second breakfast with me. Their bellies were good and full.
I kissed Big Bro before he left on his bike and did the drop offs – no problems. Red was a bit clingy.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I finished up a discussion / sales document for a forum we are launching and also crafted the email communication.
I confirmed with members from the other forums that the potential dates for October will work with them and that there are no conflicts.
I did some administrative items and then called it a day at 12:45pm

The Rest of the Day:

I packed up the minivan with more stuff from my room. The room is looking VERY bare – no decorations… hardly any clothes… just my bed, my dresser, Batman’s cage, and piles of books and papers.
I headed to Home Depot and bought a drill, a cherry tree (Yeah! It was on our list!), some tools, grass seed, weeding tools, some houseplants, and other stuff. I feel like I’m on a learning curve and the drill intimidates me a bit. But I think I need one.
I got to the house and unloaded, organized a bit inside, organized more trash/trimmings, and WEEDED more…. yes more…. unbelievable. But it is getting respectable again. It actually feels good since I feel like I accomplished alot of weeding in a relatively short amount of time… I concentrated on the EASY to pull weeds (now I know the difference and can spot the easy ones very quickly). Ha! I loaded up my dumpster and also a huge box, which I packed back in the minivan to throw away at the “old” house.
I picked up the kids; Red was happy. Twin Husky and Twin Crazy wanted to show me how they ride their tricycles. Twin Husky can actually use the peddles. He was so determined… his face was so serious as he was “driving” his tricycle. He also had all three of his animals in his hand (“Tiger”, “Other Tiger”, and “Zebra”) which was hysterical. Twin Crazy is using her feet on the ground to get around but she’s quick. She was also very proud of herself and I encouraged her along with her brother.
I had Twins for bedtime; bedtime was rough tonight. Red was crying non-stop; co-parent let her cry it out. Eventually he went to her. Her knee was hurting. She came to my room. She just wanted a bandaid. She became happy as soon as I got them for her. How is he going to do this on his own? How long are the children going to cry with him not listening to them?????!?!?!?
I finished the evening with more work. I sent out the “sales” document to the potential clients over a series of emails. I also reviewed our Final deliverable for our client and I’m hoping it will get sent out tomorrow.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. I am going to focus on getting my room organized since there are boxes everywhere. If I can bring over my dresser by myself, I’ll be able to cover a lot of ground.

Til tomorrow,

– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, flex time, parenting, tricycles, weeds, work from home, working mom, working mother

May 29: Getting ready to move on

May 29, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

It is 11:15PM right now and I want to recap of the day’s events –

– Chocolate Tuesday

– Twin Husky starting a “band” this morning with instruments

– Busy day at work dealing with forums and also client work; I wrote a client proposal and also a sales document for a forum we are launching as follow ups to the webinar we hosted 2 weeks back. I essentially had my “sales” hat on today.

– Picked up kids; cooked dinner while packing up my mini-van with a load of stuff for my move

– Ate dinner; Twin Crazy was funny with upside-down sunglasses

– finished packing up van and 3 of the kids wanted to come with me. I said they need to help and also take baths before leaving my house to come back home to go to sleep. They agreed. Big Bro and Twin Crazy held hands on the way. We drove up to the house to find deer in our backyard. The kids helped me unload the van – I gave them stuff and told them which room to put it in. Big Bro helped to water the lawn. I carried down garbage bins. Girls took their baths first; Twin Crazy squealed when she went into her room with the decorations; Big Bro took his bath and then we were off. Kids were asleep when I got back.

– I finished cleaning up from dinner; and then finished up some work.

So, yes it’s late. Yes I ran non-stop today. But it felt GREAT to be at the house and add things to the home like rugs and decorations. The kids are doing so well. They are listening so well and really respecting my “new” rules. They are helping and seem excited. Big Bro requested a calendar so that he and the rest could see which days are with Mommy and which days are with Daddy. I love him so much it hurts.

Til tomorrow –

– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: consulting, divorce, move, parenting, separation, working mom, working mother

May 25: Getting back

May 25, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

I know it’s been a couple of days since I’ve written anything. I’ve been doing this since July 2011 and this past Wednesday and Thursday were the first times that I skipped writing a daily journal.

I just didn’t have anything left in me.

On those evenings I either was up until past midnight writing divorce-related correspondence, or just so physically and emotionally exhausted that I passed out immediately after putting the kids to bed. So, nothing was written. But I will remember these past several days well, unfortunately.

I cannot begin to tell you the feeling of a 3rd party telling you that you must take your older children to daycare for two days during the week during the summer, even when you have those days off from work, even when you have two younger kids to look after. This denies my children of ME when I am available for them (particularly during divorce, when they need me the most) and denies the children of EACH OTHER. I am infuriated yet also feeling defeated. It just does not matter how hard I try. I can’t get through. Just looking at facts and the implications of such decisions and using PLAIN COMMON SENSE does not seem to work. I am drained. Simply drained. Shouldn’t these kids be allowed to be with their mother and their siblings during these TWO days? How does daycare trump this time with me and their siblings? I just don’t understand. And I can’t talk to co-parent about it. He doesn’t see it. He doesn’t see the implications.

Anyway, today was a great day. All of us strollered/rode bikes with Big Bro to school. I then spent the rest of the day at the new house putting more things together. I worked on the second bunk bed which is going much, much faster than the first since I know how to put the pieces so there is less dismantling and re-starting. The Twins slept like champs. I took a client conference call to wrap up our project (YEAH) and also to t-up more work. I have a proposal to write so I’ll need to have that ready for Tuesday / Wednesday. I pulled some weeds. We looked at chickens. We saw chickens strutting by our back door. We then saw a big pile of chicken poop at the front door and started laughing at it. I said “now that’s ridiculous” and the Twins were repeating me. Things are coming together. It’s feeling so comfortable there. I love how I have an office. It has a great view to the back yard.

I think we are going to be so happy here.

There is more to write… …so much more. This is really a roller-coaster part of my life. When I feel like things can’t get much worse, it does. Sometimes I feel like no matter where I turn I’m getting punched, and punched hard. Sometimes I feel like I’m kicking so hard trying to stay above water but no matter how hard I try I’m still gulping down water and fighting for breath. And the people who should be protecting me are failing me. And people who were my friends are keeping their distance. And I have no where else to turn. And nothing is my choice. I am shoved through a system where there is one way of doing things and no one listens.

But then, briefly, a ray of light. The strawberry plants are growing. The chickens are friendly. The weeds are not that difficult to pull and are coming out of the earth by with their roots. I do have friends reaching out to me and who are worried about not hearing from me. And that matters [thank you!]. I just need to take a deep breath and regain some strength and confidence. And no matter what anyone says, or what anyone dictates, I still have four beautiful children and they all call me “mommy”. I am still their mom and will still try my best to do what is right for them. And no third party will ever be able to change that.

Have a great long weekend everybody
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: bunk-beds, chickens, defeat, divorce, home, parenting, working mom, working mother

May 22: Day from HELL

May 23, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

But the day started off so great….

Chocolate Tuesday! Kids woke up fast, got dressed fast, and as a result had plenty of time to play before we dropped them off at daycare.

Highlights of the Morning:

I walked into Twin Husky and Twin Crazy’s room – Twin Husky was already standing and smiling and pointing to me, making faces, and acting silly. Twin Crazy was still getting up but happy because of chocolate tuesday. She kept squealing “Chocolate Tuesday! Chocolate Tuesday!” and was anxious to get downstairs. I changed her into clothes since her PJs were a bit damp from pee. She was so cute, rejecting the options I was giving to her and she requested a dress. One was too small but we tried another that she loved. I can’t believe the difference between our two girls. Red is such a tom-boy and Twin Crazy loves dresses and tights. So cute.

Red woke up in a great mood and was quick to pick out her clothes. She wanted to get dressed upstairs by herself but she wanted me to wait by the stairs for her.

Big Bro was already dressed and headed downstairs. He offered to take Twin Crazy down with him since she was anxious to go downstairs and did not want to wait for Red to get ready. He is such an amazing big brother.

I got downstairs with Red and Big Bro was in her seat. I immediately saw this so asked if we could scoot him around so that Red could sit in her spot. He was agreeable to this.

Twin Husky was investigating the new cereals that I bought last night. I think they passed his taste-test.

I made Big Bro’s lunch and am trying to diversify what he gets. He always gets the same thing which I don’t agree with. We need to offer him more choices so he can become more flexible.

Red sat on my lap so I could help her with her socks and then Twin Crazy sat on HER lap. I was laughing about the “girl sandwich” and the kids were having fun too.

All kids were dressed, cleaned up, vitamins done, and ready to go QUICKLY. Big Bro was playing with Legos, playing games with their faces and their helmets, and doing experiments to see if his fingers were the same size as the Lego figurines. Twin Crazy was playing with a toy computer and she said she was doing her “work”.

I have a lot on my mind today. Things at work: getting sales efforts underway for a new initiative that went well, and also firming up dates and getting planning started for two of our established forums – meetings will occur in October and I want to start the planning up front as well as solicit/ sell to new members. If I bring in sales it increases my value at the company and makes this “hybrid” position more secure/stable. I need to focus on sales to keep myself valuable.

I also have a lot on my mind with this divorce. I am striving on making positive changes for the family however co-parent is hiding behind excuses to slow down the decisioning process – this will not be good for the kids or us. There are also things happening on the financial front that are appalling and that I just won’t get into. True colors come out during divorce I suppose and I feel like my moving on and away from him is becoming easier and easier as each day goes by.

Highlights of my Working Day:

I started right away. I had a conference call to debrief our potential partner on the outcomes of our initial sales call for a potential forum we are trying to launch. Working with them is painful – they are adding NO value and I want to protect our firm’s potential revenues from this initiative. As of yet, we can go at this on our own – we intend to follow up with the potential clients one-on-one and organize a face-to-face meeting in the Fall. If our partners do not contribute to this, I want to proceed without them.

I put some work on the back-burner for another forum we are trying to launch. I think it is a longer sales cycle and am not happy nor do I trust the partner we are working with.

I sent out a “final” letter to close out a project we recently completed. Yeah!

I spent time on admin, and also working through files and information related to the divorce.

This divorce process is so unbelievably frustrating. Working with mediators are supposed to CLARIFY things so that there are no areas for potential dispute. I feel like we are going in circles and we are re-hashing significant details around our temporary summer custody schedule… which is to begin in 3 weeks. Why are we spending this money????? I’ve been trying to get clarity on a number of items and there still is no clarity. So am I to get lawyers involved at double the cost? Are you kidding me??!??!?!?!

I am on the ferry now headed home. I’m looking forward to seeing the kids and talking about their days. I’m looking forward to tomorrow, working from home, where I can walk with Big Bro to school – and maybe also take Red and Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. Then drop the rest off via car. This kind of time with them is limited for me now so I want to take advantage of these days while I can.

I also want to drive to my house tonight. To take the trash to the curb and also get some things done. I know it sounds silly. I can just text my neighbor to pull my cans out. But I feel the need to be there. I can take the time to take over some more of my things – clothes, my desk, office chair. Check my mail. Maybe I’ll take the older kids. They would love that.

Dinner and Bedtime:

As I picked up the kids I received an extremely disturbing email message from our child custody mediator, who essentially is putting stability of daycare over and above time with me over the summer. I can’t believe this is happening. If a mother is willing and able to care for her children over the summer for some days during the week, isn’t that the better option than putting them in daycare? How can consistency of friends in daycare trump time spent with Mom in the midst of divorce? I just don’t understand. I just don’t understand. Help me to understand.

Needless to say, I was pre-occupied this evening. I played with the kids before our dinner arrived. I ate pizza and then I drove out to my house to water my lawn (yes, it is already brown), pick up my mail, take the trash to the curb, and lug in BIG dresser boxes and a new TV. Big Bro and Red were with me and they helped with the lawn and the plants.

It’s almost 1 AM and I’m typing, after going through mountains of papers for this god-awful divorce. This is the worst experience ever. I cannot believe the amount of money we are pissing away and I cannot believe the outcomes that I have seen thus far. I am walking away from this marriage with virtually NO assets, except for the house that I scraped up to purchase, which will probably have a lien on it from my lawyer. That is what is going to wind up happening. This is the most irrational thing that has ever happened to me in my life. There are too many parties involved and no-one who has a full picture of the situation. It is crazy – absolutely crazy. Time and energy that I could be spending to help my children cope with this mess is being drained by papers and irrational conclusions. And in the end it will be the kids that will suffer. I need to shield them from this and put on a happy face tomorrow. I can’t wait to get out of this house.

On that note I will call it a night – I know tomorrow will be just as bad if not worse. I better take some Advil tonight to prepare.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: child custody, divorce, new house, parenting, working mom, working mother

May 21: What a difference 7 years makes

May 21, 2012 by Mama K 2 Comments

Monday… a first day of the work-week after an AMAZING weekend with the kids at my new house. And May 21. The anniversary of my marriage that is currently being dissolved…

Highlights of the Morning:

Twin Crazy went nuts when she saw me. Hugs and slaps on the back. “Mommy!!! Mommy!!! Mommy!!!!”. She kept slapping away and dancing and jumping in my arms. How sweet.

Twin Husky pointed on his head for me to kiss him. I remember him pointing and touching Red’s chair with his foot – like he was teasing her but not really. When I asked him to do it some more so I could take a picture, he gave me a dirty look. Too cute. Then he started making faces at me – puckering up his lips and acting silly. We were all laughing.

Red woke up cranky – likely due to two days with no naps. We are short on her favorite breakfast foods so that was also a problem today. I need to go food shopping.

The kids tried Rice Krispies (my favorite cereal – I love it on top of ice-cream) and they were interested in the snap crackle pop but not that interested in the actual cereal.

Big Bro was EXCELLENT. He got changed, ate breakfast, and was ready to ride with the Motley Crew.

Twin Crazy became very cranky since she was never changed out of her diaper this morning… it was all wet and I took it off and then she ran away from me with her pajamas and underwear down by her knees… walking around naked and laughing.

I helped Big Bro with his shoes, and Red with her clothes.

I dropped off Red and let them know that she missed her naps this weekend so might be tired. I also let them know that she saw Mommy’s house and the CHICKENS so they could have something to talk about.

I sat on the ferry and talked with a neighbor the whole way. Talked about the weekend, his BBQ, his kids, my house, the kids’ reactions to the house. The fact that I would love to see him and his family come out for a visit. They are my only real connection in my current neighborhood and I will miss them. They’ve really done a lot for me over the past year and I appreciate them so much.

Highlights of my Working Day:

As soon as I walked in, I was hit with a client deliverable that needed to be reviewed first thing in the AM for delivery to the client ASAP. I spent about 2 hours on it and we sent it off by noon.

I grabbed an amazing won-ton and noodle soup. It was freezing today.

I crafted a letter to close out a separate project. I’ll be glad when both of these client projects are over.

I did a lot of administrative items – also mapping out what I need to do with my “real” job now that my client work is finally [almost] over.

I had to leave a bit early to catch my doctor appointment tonight. Time went by so fast… I was talking about so much. There is a lot for me to talk about and I really don’t have anyone out here to talk to – it’s amazing how my mutual friends have just gone silent – they are keeping their distance. I have few friends out here from my past and they are supportive. I talk to my family daily but they get so frustrated at the situation and they are a bit behind the acceptance curve that I am on. I have already accepted so much and they are not quite there with me yet. This whole process is so unbelievably frustrating and such a waste of time/money. And it does NO good for the families or the children involved. I hate the way this divorce is going and I would have done things so differently if possible.

Dinner and Bedtime:
My ferry is coming in now, it is 8 PM. I am going to go straight to Trader Joe’s to pick up food for the kids. I will likely miss the kids tonight since the older ones are REALLY wiped out. I have a lot of work to do tonight related to the divorce. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! HA. What a joke.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

p.s., I bought bags of breakfast stuff at Trader Joes. That will likely be my last trip at Trader Joes for food at this house. Co-parent will have to do it from here on out while they are his house.

The older kids were still awake when I got home. I got lots of hugs and Red sat on my lap. Both wanted me to spend time with them and scratch their backs. Big Bro told me that I smelled bad. Was it the fish tacos with onions? I asked him if it was my breath or my body. He didn’t know. I asked if I should brush my teeth or take a shower. He said “both”. Great.

The twins were also talking in their rooms so I said hello to them. Twin Husky was lifting his arms to hug me. Twin Crazy was standing up swinging her head from side to side. I asked them if they wanted me to sing and they of course said Yes. I got them out of their cribs and they each sat in my lap, one head to each of my shoulders. I said I would sing “Twinkle Twinkle” three times and then it was back to their cribs. I rocked and sang with them and enjoyed my brief time with them. They are so good. They went off to their cribs with smiles. “I…… love….. you…..” in whispers. Sweet dreams my babies.

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, home, parenting, shopping, Trader Joe's, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: Get them to pitch in and help

May 20, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

As you all know the work never really ends for busy working moms. If you are like me, you may have a tough time just sitting down to relax since there is always something to do. This post is not focused on the relaxing that we owe ourselves – rather, it is enabling, allowing, and encouraging our children to take a part and an active role in the duties that they can handle to help out with the workload to run the house.

The kids are now 6, 4, and 2. The 2 year olds think they are helping but of course they add to the work… however Red, who is 4, can actually be very helpful – particularly with her younger brother and sister. She is also extremely willing and eager to help – and is very consistent with her eagerness. Big Bro, now 6 years old, is willing to help but in bursts. The trick with him is to embrace those times when he is hit with one of those bursts and let him ride with it. They all love to “help” cook. They [sometimes] set the table. They work together to clean up toys [most of the time]. I am excited about their growing into older stages and ages to take on more responsibility. To pitch it and be part of a family that all works together in the upkeep of the house and home.

Over the weekend I introduced Big Bro and Red to the new house. There are a lot of things that I want to write about this weekend. It was wonderful. However I want to focus my thoughts on the topic of this post – having the kids help out. Since it was the weekend I met many of the neighbors. Our next door neighbors have two children – an 8-year old girl and a 6-year old boy (only 3 weeks older than Big Bro!!). I really like them, and more importantly, their mother whom is also from the East Coast (Rochester NY). Both she and her daughter described how she starts the laundry, does the folding, cleans up from dinner, etc. etc….. I sat there in awe. Yes, I love these ages where the kids are so young like little rosebuds with their personalities developing and opening — where you learn more about them as each day passes. However, there is something incredible about the thought of these kids actually DOING more and taking [a bit of] the workload off of me. I also love the idea of teaching the children that families work together and the sense of responsibility and pride it can instill in children.

I had the great fortune of introducing the children to our new home this weekend. I wanted them to love it as much as I do… but I didn’t want to rush them. I needed them to wander, explore, and take it in. I wanted them to grow to feel comfortable there. Most importantly, I wanted them to be feel like it was their space too. Through the divorce we are teaching the kids about “two homes” and that they will have daddy’s house to spend time with daddy, and mommy’s house to spend time with mommy. And this was their first time all together to experience this new home. I am teaching them that this is OUR house. Not just Mommy’s house. This house belongs to ALL of us… and that we will work together to make this house a HOME. I’m teaching them that I bought this house for them and for us and our family. And we need to work together as a family to take care of this house. The kids were excited. And they really exceeded any and all of my expectations. They laughed, met the neighbors, made new friends, explored, and yes… they even helped out in their own way:

Big Bro unpacking the weedwacker

Big Bro and Red coming with me to Home Depot to pick out citrus trees, fruit bushes, and other random things

Twin Husky raking up the mulch onto the sidewalk [OK, this was added work for me, but he looked so determined to rake and to “help”]

Red handling the strawberry plants and then also picking out the spots where to plant them

Big Bro working the wheel-barrel and helping clear the weeds for some planting

Big Bro and Red helping to rake a path from our back top deck to the other neighbor’s house with the chickens

Twin Husky watering the planted strawberry bushes

Twin Crazy watering the patio

Big Bro sweeping, sweeping, sweeping and using the dustpan to clean off the entire back porch and driveway

All kids picking up their toys without hesitation when asked

I am so happy with how this weekend turned out. It could have been hard and stressful, but it really was an amazing experience. The kids took everything in stride and went above and beyond where I thought they would go.

This sense of pride in the house and home is something that I will continue to communicate to the children. And also the need to work together as a family. Big Bro was not with me in the afternoon today and he asked me NOT to do any sweeping. So, I’ve got my first “duty” lined up for him on an ongoing basis. I will see what Red would like to “own” as her area of responsibility over time. And of course I will give in to whatever Twin Crazy and Twin Husky gravitate towards in terms of “work”. Our time together in this house will unfold and we will get into our groove that will change and evolve over time. But I am happy to have this home for them and I have worked so hard to get it. It will be natural for me to show the children the importance of this home and teach them to appreciate this house and encourage them each to do their part to help out.

How do you Mamas get your kids involved with household and family responsibilities??? What has worked well to get them engaged and consistent?

Have a great week everybody –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: chores, divorce, helping out, home, parenting, responsibility, working mom, working mother

May 17: Chunks and chickens

May 17, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Today is one of my days off from work – I have the Twins but made extra time for Big Bro and Red too. I am solo again tonight.

Highlights of the Morning:

Twin Crazy woke up in the middle of the night with a fever and I brought her down with me so I could monitor her. In the AM, Red came in the room and got into my bed fully dressed and ready to go for the day. She is ready to ride her bike with the Motley Crew today! I asked her if she wanted to stay with Twin Crazy while I took a shower. She did. I gave her some toys to keep her occupied.

Twin Crazy still wasn’t ready to eat a real breakfast. It took her awhile to warm up to some cereal. I’m glad she ate a bit.

Big Bro was playing his dirty underwear game again. Why doesn’t he just change them? I held my ground and started walking out the garage and then he got changed. As soon as he was changed he was an angel, helping all the siblings get ready for their Motely Crew ride.

This was the first time for Red. Including her, we had 10 kids. Red was in the back of the line but she kept up with everyone just fine. She was more confident and having more fun (I think) on the way home.

We packed up the van and headed to her school. We dropped her off a bit later than usual but she was happy to be there with her friends.

On the way back I called the doctor and made an appointment for Twin Crazy since this is her 4th day with a fever. It is viral. Nothing in her ears or chest. She has a blister in her mouth. The doctor said this should be on the way out for her. Whew!

Highlights of the Afternoon:

I continued East and went to the house. I had things to do there and also wanted to check on the lawn. The Twins were with me and they loved the yard, the sprinklers, and the CHICKENS!!! They were both squealing over them. The neighbor is very nice and gave each of them a fresh egg. The sun was out, the birds were singing, and the chickens were squawking. My kids were thrilled and I was happy.

We had some lunch – pasta and bananas – my first meal at the house. They each broke their real eggs so both were very cranky. Twin Crazy peed on the floor. Then they took a nap. They are so easy when it comes to sleep. I opened up one of the new mattresses and spread out a fuzzy blanket. I asked for each of them to share the mattress and then covered them with their own favorite blankets from their cribs. They were out in 5 minutes.

While they slept I put together 4 bar stools and brought in some other boxes of stuff. I also mopped up the floor from smell of fresh eggs and urine.

They woke up, we looked at chickens. I looked at weeds. We did more sprinklers, I met a neighbor with small kids.

As I packed the kids up, suddenly Twin Husky puked all over himself. I wasn’t sure if he was sick though, because he seemed fine afterwards. We picked up Red earlier than ususal, and on the way to get Big Bro he barfed again. OK. It’s official. It’s a virus and now the other twin has it.

Big Bro didn’t want to ride his bike back so he came with us. I ordered a pizza.

HIghlights of the Evening:

All kids ate well, surprisingly. I kept my eye on Twin Husky and he looked fine. Twin Crazy on the other hand was very clingy and sitting on my lap.

After dinner, Twin Husky found some of my expensive face cream and spread it all over the living room window.

I decided to give him a bath since he puked all over himself twice today. While upstairs and right before getting into the bath, he puked pizza and spaghetti all over the bathroom rug. OK, this kid is really sick. I dunked him in the bath real quickly to clean him up. I wrapped him in a towel and held him. I got him changed and gave him medicine.

I read to the Twins, wanting to call it an early night for them. They are both sick and I just want them to get a good night’s sleep.

Red and Big Bro were fine; She was dressed like a princess and so damn cute. I read to them and let them play quietly since it was still early and the sun was still shining.

I packed up some things and was in the garage when Big Bro and Red came down saying that Twin Crazy wanted them to sleep in her room. So I said sure, bring in your pillows and camp out in their room.

I went to check in on them and Twin Crazy was in Big Bro’s bed, and Red was walking around talking. I couldn’t believe that Twin Crazy was in there! She was just laying next to Big Bro and they were comforting her since she was still sick. She was smiling at me. I asked her if she felt loved and she said “Yes”. I put her in her own crib and she said “goodnight” to Big Bro and Red on her way out.

I am now downstairs and tired. It was a good day but dealing with two sick children is hard. I felt so bad for both of them today. Poor Twin Husky. He seemed fine all day. I loved being at the house and it is coming together nicely. I have a lot more work to do there though, obviously. I can’t believe the amount of weeds. The grass is brown but the weeds are growing all over the place just fine.

I can make this a home for them. I know I can. And I knew I made the right decision on this house in hearing my kids laughter at those chickens and seeing them playing in the sprinklers with each other on the front lawn.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: chickens, home, new house, parenting, puke, virus, working mom, working mother

May 16: The chair

May 16, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

I worked a 1/2 day and from home today. I then spent an hour or so at my NEW home and made it back in enough time to pick all of the kids up early. I was solo tonight and looking forward to spending this time with them.

Highlights of the Morning:

The Twins were ready to stroller to Big Bro’s school. We talked about grass-seed and new grass growing as we were waiting for the other kids to get ready. Big Bro was in the pack and enjoying his new bike. I went in to talk to his teacher and tell her about our discussion from last weekend about “Two Homes”. She looked upset/concerned. She was glad that I told her. I said there were no tears but lots of questions so he really doesn’t “get it” yet. I let her know that we were going to take the kids to see the house this weekend and that it might start to sink in more then. She said she would be on the lookout for any issues. She said that he mentioned two houses this week so I know it is on his mind.

I dropped the Twins off at their daycare and both looked good. Even Twin Crazy. They both have a routine where they take off their shoes in a certain spot. I helped Twin Husky unzipper his jacket [sortof] by himself. I walked back home with the empty stroller feeling a bit empty myself.

As soon as I got home I loaded up the van with as many boxes as I could fit. I need to get to the house today since I have a TON of stuff arriving and don’t want the things sitting outside for too many days.

My doorbell rang and it was my neighbor with an AWESOME wooden rocking chair that she wanted to get rid of. I was completely looking for something like this — I’ve always loved front porches — the kinds in the south that are sweeping around the houses… well, my front porch is REALLY small but I do have flat yard that runs along the front. And in the afternoon, the shade kind of hits the house in a way that it feels like there is a front porch. So I put the rocking chair right out front in the mulch. It may look silly to some, but I love it. It is completely overlooking the view of the front yard – and I imagine myself sitting there while the kids are playing in the front. I hope we spend time out there – it makes the house inviting to the neighbors and helps me to transform the house into a home.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I had a conference call with a previous client to “really” close out the work this time.

I started to re-work the discussion document from our big meeting yesterday — adding in some content and highlighting things that were discussed on the call.

I had an internal call related to the forums that I help to manage. We have a lot of sales efforts going on through these forums that I feel good about. We have some work to do but all is manageable. I took the call on the road and also had some of the call as I was unpacking the shipping boxes from Amazon.

Highlights of the Rest of the Day:

I pulled up to the house and OMG there are WEEDS EVERYWHERE. The multiple terraces of mulch are now over-run by weeds. OMG. How long is it going to take me to pull these suckers? And how fast will they grow back? Will it be like plucking those pesky hairs from my chin, face, and eyebrows? A never-ending project? Will I need to go to Amazon now and find a wide brimmed hat, super heavy-duty gloves, and a wheelbarrel????????

I unpacked lots of shipping boxes: one bunkbed (in parts), 4 mattresses, 4 barstools, a Blue-Ray DVR plus sound system, a landline telephone system. I’m excited. I filled up my NEW recycling bin. Pickup days are Wednesdays so I just missed it!!!

I unpacked some moving boxes with some pictures – I put them up but unfortunately they are only of Big Bro and Red… and they are old. They were all packed up from when we moved to our “temporary” house two years ago. So I feel the need to get some pictures up of Twin Husky and Twin Crazy so that they can see themselves too when they first visit the house.

I disassembled the bunk bed box in my driveway and brought the bed inside in parts. Otherwise I never would have been able to drag the whole box inside. I thought of Big Bro as I was carrying in the pieces labeled “A”, “M”, etc. I thought it’s just like a Lego set. I wonder if he would be interested in helping me put the beds together….

I decided to start on a bar-stool project. I opened up a box to discover that you don’t need any “real” tools…. its the hand tool/wrench thing that it comes with so I had what I needed to get started. Assembling these will be easy. It’s important for me to have SOMETHING ready and set up for the kids when they see the house for the first time. I figured the four bar stools would be a good thing for them to see… to relate to. I made it through 1/2 way of my first stool when I received a phone call…

Twin Crazy still had a fever and was upset. She needed me. I quickly locked up the house and headed straight for daycare. I held her for a bit and she calmed down immediately. She said she was sick in a meek voice. Twin Husky looked fine. I took them to the drug store to buy more Ibuprophen and Tylenol. I asked them if they wanted to go right home or get the rest of the kids. They wanted their siblings. So we picked up Red and Big Bro too.

It was like a chinese fire-drill with everyone in different seats. It was cute. I looked back and Twin Crazy was holding hands across the van with Big Bro. I love seeing things like this. Big Bro and Red used to do this several years ago when Red was a baby/toddler. I’ve always thought it amazingly cute. Big Bro is such a proud Big brother and although he does have his occasions of being mean, he really is good to them the majority of the time.

At home we played a bit. I was waiting to cook dinner for co-parent. Then the kids told me that he was leaving for the airport straight from work. So I started the dinner. There was a request for mac-n-cheese, chicken nuggets, and carrots. I obliged since Twin Crazy seemed interested in that. Big Bro and Red helped me make dinner. They all ate EXTREMELY well – even Twin Crazy, considering.

After dinner I played “wall ball” with Big Bro while the 3 others were upstairs playing quietly. Suddenly, they came downstairs and apparently they were playing “dress up” — the twins were in matching frilly dresses (pink and blue) and Red came down laughing her ass off. They were all loving the attention and Twin Husky was SERIOUSLY liking the dress. It did feel great. Not crinkly/itchy at all. It felt soft and frilly. He loved it.

Then the little ones played some games together while I sat with Big Bro watching a movie.

I started bed routine with the Twins. They love the book “The Hairy Toe”. Each knows the words. They were both reciting the book to me as I read it. I make it scary which they love. I tried to get them down but they did not want to go to bed earlier than Big Bro/Red. So we had some ups and downs and at one point I had two twins in my lap, Big Bro laying across my feet, and Red taking care of Twin Crazy as I was singing “Twinkle Twinkle”. The Twins wanted “more” singing and the bigger kids wanted me to STOP singing (I don’t blame them). Red put her hand over my mouth and I was over-garbling the words on purpose and they were all cracking up. Then I had 4 kids with hands on my mouth and they were all smiles. They eventually went to their beds. They are now all sleeping and there is no crying from upstairs at all.

I had a good night. I’m looking forward to my own space but am concerned about the kids and am hoping this weekend goes well. I’m hoping they will grow to be comfortable there even though it is new to them. I’m going to try my best to make it their space too and help them integrate into the neighborhood.

We were talking tonight about Red joining us on our bike-ride to school tomorrow. I asked Big Bro first if he thought it was OK and if he would want her to join. He said yes. So I asked her about it and she’s excited. I’m looking forward to the morning with them.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, flex time, half-time, house, move, parenting, rocking chair, sick, twins, working from home, working mom, working mother

May 15: Feeling run down

May 15, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Big day. Big deliverable. From here on out I am decompressing from work. But, stress levels will be getting higher on the personal front…

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Chocolate Tuesday! Kids were waking up saying Chocolate Tuesday. They are completely driven by routine.

Twin Husky wanted to spread the Nutella on his bread ALL BY HIMSELF!!!! He was angry when he wasn’t given a chance and then all smiles when he was handed the knife. Twin Crazy, of course, wanted to do hers by herself too when she saw her brother being so independent.

Red wanted her “mommy time” helping her get dressed. I helped her with her necklace too.

Big Bro was dressed without a problem – even changed the underwear and socks without a fight. He was out on his trip with the Motley Crew without skipping a beat.

Twin Crazy was still sick – but eating this morning. We dropped her off with medicine. Poor Twin Husky never had a diaper change this morning…. when I picked him up out of his car-seat he was sopping wet. He was also packed up in the car without his Tiger – when he called out for it co-parent drove away anyway without going in for it and poor Twin Husky cried most of the way there.

Drop off with Red went fine – again, she had all of her “stuff” with her and was only happy when everything was hanging on her hook instead of having things on the floor.

The ferry ride was fine; it is sunny and nice out today. I talked with a neighbor and did not think much about work.

Highlights of My Working Day:

We had a conference call with our client about our revised Executive Summary; there were some small suggestions but they loved it and we are on the right track. Our team is finishing up the document today and I will take it from there. I want to have it at the client by Friday so I will likely work on it tomorrow and possibly in the evenings this week.

We then met with our partners to get ready for the BIG sales meeting today related to the initiative we are trying to launch. I had six potential clients on the phone and we have another 4-5 in the sales pipeline. The call went well and I think we might actually launch this thing which would be great for me. I don’t like working with partners. These folks have not added much value AT ALL and sweep in at the end… you also have to think about their motivations for being involved and at this point I don’t feel like we need them to pull this off. We have some things we need to do to sell this further – I can handle all of it and we are shooting for a “commitment” by early Fall which I think is doable. That will be my next big push.

I spent time doing admin items and getting ready for my day tomorrow – I will be working from home so I needed to make sure I had everything I need to make my 1/2 day productive.

I’m now on the ferry and I’m not sure how I feel. I feel bad for the kids. That’s what it comes down to. This sucks for them. I don’t know if being so young will help them or hurt them in the long run. But I need to be there for them. I need to be strong for them even though I don’t feel strong for myself most of the time. I am looking forward to having my own space but again, I don’t feel as excited as I could be. I feel like I’m accomplishing something for the family but it is so damn hard fighting uphill battles all of the time. I wish we could just focus on the kids. If that was the driving principle we wouldn’t be fighting so hard in different directions. That is the most frustrating thing for me. Dealing with other people’s “wants” instead of focusing on our childrens’ “needs”.

I’m looking forward to seeing them. Holding them. And I’m looking forward to tomorrow and strolling with the Twins while Big Bro rides his bike – that’s what he wrote in his Mother’s Day gift to me – that he likes it when I walk with him on his way to school. Those days are limited for me and him going forward so I’m looking forward to tomorrow and spending that time with him and soaking it in.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Red and she was all smiles. Laughing about how much stuff we had to take home of hers (“bag lady”).

I picked up the Twins and didn’t like what I heard. First of all, the first words out of Twin Husky’s mouth was “Tiger” and he ran to the van to get home. The daycare provider said he was missing it all day long. Second, Twin Crazy is still sick. High fever, no appetite, and puked this morning. She seemed happy and fine when I picked her up but I am concerned. If she is still bad tomorrow I will take her to the doctor.

Pick up for Big Bro was smooth; he rode his bike home and I followed him until we hit a windy spot – he decided to stop so we threw his bike into the trunk and drove home.

At home I was cooking dinner AND THE KIDS WERE SO WELL BEHAVED!!!! Big Bro was upstairs in his room playing quietly and doing Legos. Twin Husky was busy with his Tiger and playing in the play kitchen and pretending to fix things. The girls were busy being sisters, sitter together and “reading” books. Twin Crazy was having fun wearing my shoes.

We had a pancake dinner and the kids ate well, except for Twin Crazy. She sat in my lap and had a banana and lots of water.

Afterwards we watched some T.V. and talked about the movie. Red put lots of clips in her hair by herself and she actually looked gorgeous. She wants to do the same by herself for tomorrow at school.

I put the Twins to bed tonight; gave them both medicine. Twin Crazy was playing with stickers while on the potty, but putting them on the wall. She took them off when I asked her to do so. Then both Twins were feeling REALLY good and acting silly. They were rolling around in Big Bro’s bed for awhile and I let them enjoy themselves before whisking them off to their room. They went down OK, but wanted me to hold them and sing to them a bit before going to bed. That was unusual. I had both of them in my lap, hugging them, their heads on my shoulders, and I was singing “Twinkle Twinkle”. They kept saying “more” so I sang several times and then said “last time” and sang one time more. They both got up and went to their cribs. So easy.

I was greeted by Big Bro and Red while in with the Twins. I brought them into their rooms and said goodnight. I was reading in my room and was visited again by them. Co-parent brought them upstairs and all is quiet now.

I’m so tired. Just wiped out. I’m glad I hit the 15th in terms of work and its finally over. All of my big deliverables. I should be busy but more consistent at work going forward; just when the stress of the divorce picks up. I still can’t believe what is happening and the extent to which we cannot agree on anything. It is so exhausting and counterproductive. I need my energy for the kids.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: client meetings, divorce, parenting, stomach bug, working mom, working mother

May 14: Balls, bubbles, and bellyaches

May 14, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Monday – all kids up and out and it’s to work in the city for me.

Highlights of My Morning and Commute:

Red and Big Bro both found clothes they liked since all laundry was done and in their rooms with all of their favorites.
Red was having trouble finding a “house” that came with a pajamas gift for her over the weekend. She likes to carry around her things in this box, along with all of the other bags of her favorites. Twin Husky over-heard this and he remembered where the box was. He took us to my room and there it was! I praised him and made a big deal about how he helped Red to find what she was looking for and how great that was. How much of a good brother he was and how he must love his sister. He was smiling from ear to ear. I said how it must feel good to help someone and how wonderful it was and how happy Red was. He was jumping up and down and smiling at this point. He even reached out and gave Red a hug.
Twin Husky was walking around and playing with a “light saver” toy of Big Bro’s (actually, he found it somewhere and I need to figure out where so we can return it). Twin Husky was so cute swinging the thing around and acting like a big boy.
Big Bro had a splinter in his foot this morning so I spent some time tweezing it out. It was a small sucker but he (Big Bro) put up a fight.
Twin Crazy was VERY clingy this morning. She was also asking for a lot of water. I felt her head and she felt slightly feverish. Poor thing. I hope its not too bad. I packed some medicine for her with the rest of their daycare things.
Big Bro headed out with the Motley Crew – he is the leader of the pack today.
I dropped Red off and was making fun of her and all of her stuff…. backpacks, knapsacks, a purse, the pajama box, her hat, a jacket…. she looks like a bag lady.

The ferry ride in was fine; I talked most of the way with a neighbor.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I organized the conferencing capability for our sales call tomorrow. We will be using a WebEx service and I needed to get familiar with it. I made changes to the discussion document and sent it out to the internal team for review. I made some changes to it after talking with my Director. I also talked with our partner on it as well so I think we’re in good shape. I hope this turns into something – I would love to have this initiative launched and attached to my name.
I also reworked the Executive Summary for the client deliverable from last week and sent to our client. The deliverable itself needs work and I will be the one that has to do it, I have a feeling. I’ll wait on that for tomorrow AM and Wednesday.

I’m on the ferry now and it is really nice outside. I’m looking forward to getting the kids. I need to see them and hug them. I need some reassurance today.

Over the weekend we talked to the kids about “two homes” and there were no tears – I think that will be to come. They understand the concept of two different houses with time with daddy and time with mommy. Later on on Saturday night I talked to them about it again and told them that I went through it when I was a kid and it felt scary and new; that they can always talk with me and if they have any questions. Red wanted to know what would happen if my house breaks when I am there alone. She also wanted to know what would I do if I am alone. “I will think of you kids and I will miss you. But I will know that I’ll see you again real soon.” Big Bro wanted to know if there are kids there and if they are nice. They liked the idea of the chickens. They wanted to see pictures of the house so I showed them. They asked if I could keep our existing house and have co-parent go to the other house. They wanted to get new Legos for the new house. We will visit it next weekend and it will get harder once the separation actually happens. I was soooooooooooo scared for this first talk but it went easier than expected. Probably because the kids don’t understand. I asked if they were sad and they didn’t know. I asked them if they were more like confused, and they said yes. So they are confused, do not know what is happening. Big Bro is upset that I won’t be with him riding bikes to school anymore. But that would happen anyway since there will be a change for the summer. He doesn’t understand that either. I guess I just have to take this slowly with them.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Red with her tons of stuff. We were joking about all of her things on the way to the car.
We picked up the Twins and yes, Twin Crazy was very sick today. 103.5 fever! The daycare provider only has the twins so she gave her medicine and put cold towels on her to bring the fever down – she also has a stomach issue with bad poops all day long. I knew the little girl was not right this morning. She was sooooo clingy – drinking lots of water and had a slight temperature. I didn’t think it would be THAT bad though.
I picked up Big Bro and followed him home as he rode his bike. While we were waiting for him to arrive on his bike I looked back and Twin Crazy had on a pair of Mr. Potato Head eyeglasses on, but upside-down and on her forehead. She cracks me up.
At home, I made dinner while the kids played outside. Balls and bubbles. Twin Crazy was playing which was good.
After dinner we played with Legos, read books. Big Bro and Twin Husky were playing ball together which I LOVED watching. I helped Big Bro find the Lego pieces he needed. Twin Husky was busy kicking balls and throwing toys over the dollhouse.
Twin Crazy tried to eat some Jello but was not that interested in it.
Bedtime with Red and Big Bro was fine. They are both quiet up there now and I think are drifting off to sleep. Red had her pile of stuff all over the floor of her bed.

I am very, very tired. I hope Twin Crazy is OK tonight. I’ll likely wake up to check on her because of the high fever she had today.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: bags, balls, client presentations, divorce, Legos, parenting, working mom, working mother

May 30: Wagons of Weeds

May 29: Getting ready to move on

May 25: Getting back

May 22: Day from HELL

May 21: What a difference 7 years makes

Staying Sane: Get them to pitch in and help

May 17: Chunks and chickens

May 16: The chair

May 15: Feeling run down

May 14: Balls, bubbles, and bellyaches

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