part-time – Mama In Motion™

March 29: Sitting in the Hallway

March 29, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

The end of a Thursday. I took some time off to take care of personal things but had a leisurely drop off with the kids and an early pick up with them too. So I feel like I had some good time with each of them. I’m looking forward to calling it a night. I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I’m looking forward to the weekend.

Highlights of the Morning:

The SECOND morning that Twin Crazy woke up with a dry diaper!!!! We all were excited for her and we all looked into the potty after she was done.
I had some cuddling time with Twin Husky after the kids ate breakfast and before they got dressed. It was nice to sit with him and talk with him.
I asked Big Bro to take a picture of me and Twin Husky and he had fun taking pictures of himself. We all started cracking up at the picture of him, particularly when we were reviewing the pictures and got to the one of him looking goofy into the camera.
Red wanted to take a picture too – I have a bunch of photographers on my hands. I wonder where they get that from….
I got the Twins in their jackets and they wanted to each wear their rainboots. They were in their stroller in no time and together with Big Bro we went out to meet the Motley Crew.
We dropped of Big Bro, and then I dropped of the Twins. I walked home with an empty stroller thinking about the things I needed to get done today. I was ready to get started.

Once I got home I cleaned up from breakfast, loaded the dishwasher, straightened up a bit, and took a shower. I took all of my paperwork out, booted up my computer, and made sure I had my phone plugged in to recharge. I got started and was efficient. I actually got done the two major things I needed to complete today (my own self-goal) and also caught up with some friends on Facebook chat. I actually laughed out loud several times today. It was sunny. I felt good.

Highlights of the Rest of the Day:

At 3 PM I called the quits. I wanted to see the kids.
I picked up the twins first. They were busy eating pretzels at daycare.
I then picked up Big Bro from the playground. He went to get his bike and he met me by the van. He rode his bike and I followed along with hazards on to Red’s school.
We got to Red’s school and Twin Crazy went potty, washed her hands.
We rode back to the house – this is great exercise for Big Bro. He winds up falling right to sleep at bedtime because of the physical activity. He did a dance when we got back to the garage. He’s acting sillier and sillier, which I love.
At home, we played outside in the backyard for a bit. We kicked balls and ate snacks. Unfortunately I offered red grapes but they had seeds in them. So all kids (including me) rejected them and I wound up picking up chewed up grapes all over the place.
I started to make some dinner – flat meat chicken fried up with homemade breadcrumbs. YUM.
Big Bro read one of his “easy reader” books to his siblings. As the dinner was cooking, I sat down with Big Bro and then he read to me. I loved it.
After dinner, I quickly cleaned up and loaded the dishwasher.
We played hide and seek for quite awhile. Red was my partner. Twin Crazy was with Big Bro. Twin Husky was with co-parent. It was a lot of fun. Twin Crazy is REALLY adventurous and independent. Not scared. She played really well with Big Bro.
We then rough-housed a bit. Tickled. Did horsie-rides. I also got some exercise in with a new move I do with the kids… they straddle and cling to the bottom part of my leg while I am lying down and I do leg-lifts with the child on my leg. I can even do this now with Big Bro and he is at least 55 pounds. I feel like I’m getting back into shape. I now have to come up with some ideas for upper body toning…. maybe push ups with a child on my butt or something…

I had Big Bro and Red tonight for bed. They did great. The Twins each came in their room to get a kiss goodnight. Twin Husky pointed to the part on his head where I could kiss him. Twin Crazy just gave me a full fledged kiss right on my face. So cute.

I talked with Big Bro and Red about their owies and put A&D oinment on his elbow and on her scratched face. We talked about Big Bro’s owie and how it already looks so much better. They both said their owies would get even better overnight as the medicine works and as their bodies heal. I tell them that it is amazing what their bodies can do. How it can heal and how you need to take care of your body. Big Bro said he knows how the owies go away. He said the new skin comes in and the old skin with the owie falls off. I think he’s right. I taught him about scabs. So yes, I think that’s part of it. I also told him that in addition to that, broken skin knows to come back together and heal. So that’s probably something that is also happening as an owie heals.

I love having these kinds of conversations with the kids. They hang on every word. They remember everything. And I can tell that inside of their heads they are making connections with other experiences they’ve had in their past. I love being a teacher to these kids.

*****

I’m sitting outside of Big Bro/Red’s room now, in the hallway. I think me being at least close to her helps. There is no crying. No fussing. She just relaxes and goes to sleep. It’s as if I’m in my own room next to theirs…. the room I used to sleep in. Just knowing that there is a parent close-by who will come to them if needed I think really helps. I know it would make a difference to me if I was a 3-4 year old. So I will continue to do this, even if it is not on my nights. And I will gradually go downstairs back into the depths of my den until her crying at night is no longer an issue. At least it is not physical contact. She does not see me. But she knows I am there. And that makes me feel better as a worried mom, particularly for my child who I know has been described as “emotionally needy.”

So, I’m feeling good overall. I’m headed downstairs after I make sure the heat is turned on.
Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: bicycle, divorce, hide and seek, parenting, part-time, sleep transition, tantrums, working mom, working mother

March 28: Lots of A&D

March 28, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

It is close to 10 PM now so I’m a bit rusty on what happened today. I worked a 1/2 day and from home; I feel like it was a good day, but am getting more and more itchy to get out of this house away from co-parent. It just is not healthy for any of us. Plus everyone is sick in the house with runny noses, snot, and crumpled tissues everywhere.

Highlights of the Morning:

Twin Crazy woke up this AM and I brought her right into the bathroom to use the potty. HER DIAPER WAS DRY!!!! She was so excited and I was so proud.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were sitting together reading a book.

Red was AOK trying on different socks — for some reason I cannot find ANY of the 12 pairs of seamless socks that I recently bought. Somehow they mysteriously disappeared.

The Motley Crew were chancing it again today with the weather and were going to ride their bikes. Big Bro was excited as was I. He got ready, and I got Twin Crazy and Twin Husky ready in the stroller. I kissed Red goodbye and strolled along with the Motley Crew to Big Bro’s school. It has been awhile since I did this. It was good to be out again. Good to be strolling the twins in the AM. Good to see Big Bro on that bike with the kids. Then one of the kids came back to us and said that Big Bro fell. It was a small fall, but still, his bike and he was on the ground, a bit shaken up. All was OK. We got to school OK with no broken skin.

I then strolled Twin Crazy and Twin Husky to daycare. They seemed happy and started playing with balls right away. I told her how Twin Crazy’s diaper was dry this AM and both of us made a big deal out of it.

I walked home and was thinking about a lot of things. Thinking about how my life has changed so much over the past year, for the better. Thinking about how stuck I was last year, with a partner who proved over and over that I was not a priority and he chose not to listen. Unfortunately my children will suffer for this but I will come out stronger, happier. I know this.

I passed my neighbor on the way back, swinging her daughter on a swing. Her daughter is the youngest of four kids – so very similar to our household. I know how important it is to grab those special times one-on-one and I made a big deal out of her “mommy time” and how lucky she is. And I also wanted to, but didn’t, say to my neighbor how lucky she was to have this time with her kids and to have a husband that supports and is aligned with the needs of the family. But I walk on, thinking about work…

Highlights of My Working Day:

I get home, make another coffee, eat some breakfast, straighten up, load the dishwasher and run it, start some laundry, jump in the shower.

As I get out of the shower my phone is ringing. It is a potential prospect for one of our forums – a potential speaker and member. And here I am naked, trying to have a sales discussion with this person. Taking notes. Getting other contact names. Thinking on my (naked) feet on what I need to say to get this guy to want to come to this meeting. I should have told him I was naked.

I had a discussion with a Director about my goals for the future and the roles that I want to focus on going forward. I was frank and told him that project delivery with four children as a single mother will be difficult if not impossible. I want to focus on sales and conference planning/execution/data and delivery going forward. He agrees and we promise to think about the structure and metrics over the next several weeks as we get our collective thinking further defined.

I meet with my project team and go over quantitative analysis for 2 hours over the phone. It was rough. These kinds of working sessions remote are really tough.

I cleared out some email and addressed several things;

I reached out to other potential speakers for one of the forums

Highlights of the Rest of the Day:

I packed up at 3 PM and called it a day. I put everything away that was not kid-friendly such as computer, breakable cups, etc.

I picked up the twins first. I took my time with them. The weather was beautiful and they were riding tricycles.

We then picked up Big Bro and his bike. He rode his bike with us trailing with hazards on over to Red’s school.

While at Red’s school, Twin Crazy went to the potty on one of the small potties.

We then followed Big Bro back home. He loved riding the bike in the sunshine.

While at home I folded laundry and Big Bro helped. Twin Husky had fun throwing the folded piles in the air.

Red drew some pictures and then wanted to send them to Nana (along with some princess tattoos). So I helped her put them in an envelop, address the envelop, put on stamps, and then we went to the mailbox together to mail the letter. She was super excited.

Dinner was great; salmon.

Afterwards I did some exercising with Red and hung out with the kids. Both girls went to the potty together… Twin Crazy on the little potty and Red on the toilet. It was weird but very cute nonetheless. I accidentally scraped Red on her face with my fingernail and apologized. Poor thing. Another crying fit for her. I cleaned up from dinner a bit. Twin Husky started fussing so I grabbed the twins and headed upstairs.

Twins were both very tired – and sick. Both have really bad noses and I put A&D ointment on their faces. Both were extremely cranky. I read a book to them and we were searching for the color “yellow” on each page. Then Big Bro and also Red joined in the fun. I had all four kids around me, no longer cranky, trying to quickly find the color yellow with each page. It was awesome. Both Twin Husky and Twin Crazy wanted to touch and play with a “Hess” car before going to sleep.

Big Bro asked me if I was going to pick him up early again tomorrow. I said of course I could. I put A&D on his scraped arm from his bike accident this AM and then kissed his forehead.

I went downstairs and Big Bro asked me why I don’t go in to him and Red after I’m done with the twins? Good question Big Bro. I can’t stand it either.

I was cleaning up and Red was having a tough time, crying and calling for me. I tried not to listen. But she kept crying. I cleaned up the table. She was crying. I loaded up the dishwasher. She was crying. I tried not to listen but couldn’t take it. Co-parent was just reading a book to Big Bro and ignoring the cries from Red. I went up to her and he came out when he saw I was coming up. I gave him a chance to handle it and finished cleaning up downstairs.

Red came out screaming again so I went up to her. I held her. I hugged her. I said it was OK. I helped her brush her teeth. I put more A&D on her scraped face. I put her into bed. I asked her to relax. I told her she was doing great since I saw that her fingers were curled and therefore her hand was relaxed. I said for her to keep it up. I told her I was going to sit outside for a few minutes and come back to her. I did. I left again and then sat in her room for a while away from her bed, doing work on my iPhone. I said I would be outside of her room. I went outside and sat there, working on my iPhone for several minutes. I heard her heavy breathing. I went in and she was asleep. I kissed her forehead, turned off her light, and headed downstairs after verifying that the heat was turned on.

So now I’m here, downstairs, hearing my kids through a child monitor. I have a lot on my mind. Things to do for work and things to do for the divorce. I’m also thinking of what I need to do to jump-start my life post-divorce. I am looking forward to a fresh start.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: bicycle, divorce, flex time, new start, parenting, part-time, potty training, tantrum, working from home, working mom, working mother

March 27: Lots of rain but no heat.

March 27, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

Rain! Rain! Rain! I’m moving slowly this AM. A bit from the rainy gray day, and also lack of sleep. Red was up crying last night at 1 AM and co-Parent was barely getting out of bed. She went right back to sleep but the heat was not on!!! [How much money does it really save to keep the heat off during the night?] It was 62 degrees in the house! So we were moving kindof slow today, and now ALL FOUR KIDS are sick. Sneezes, runny noses.

Highlights of the Morning:

Chocolate Tuesday!! Twins were happy eating, even though they were sneezing intermittently.

Red and Big Bro were still upstairs, slumbering. It was hard to get Red up. She was moody. I had trouble with her picking out her clothes [this should be done the night before]. She had issues with the shirt, the pants. I sat with her and talked with her. I told her I felt tired. And a little bit sick. And that sometimes its hard to get moving in the morning when you feel that way. But I said I was going to eat breakfast to give me some energy (I usually don’t eat at home – lack of time). I asked her if she could help me pick out my breakfast (cream of wheat packets) and that I would eat if she would too. That seemed to work. She embraced me and we went downstairs together with her pile of clothes.

Red picked out my breakfast and she got ready for Chocolate Tuesday.

I took Twin Crazy to the potty for positive reinforcement. I told her how proud of her I am. Her face squishes up in a big smile whenever I say that. She is doing soooooooo good with potty training. Hopefully she does well today.

I next went to work on Big Bro. He was upstairs still in bed. I mentioned Chocolate Tuesday. He still wasn’t moving quickly. I talked about last night and how he went to sleep late and that’s why he must feel a bit tired this morning (and I do too). Then we started talking about the funny things from last night… how Red was asking in the monitor “[Big Bro], where are you?”…. and “Mommy….. I’m scared.” And we talked about how I hear them at night when they are talking to each other as they go to sleep and how I laugh when I hear them laugh and say funny things. We both were laughing at that. I put a pile of clothes together for him (favorite pair of jeans) and gave him privacy to get changed upstairs by himself.

I ate breakfast!!!

Got Big Bro’s breakfast

Dished out the vitamins for all of the sick kids

Helped Big Bro with his sneakers (our little together time)

Helped Red get changed; she had her backpack ready.

Found out that the Motley Crew was still going to RIDE today so we got Big Bro’s helmet on and off he went. I text with the other mommy which makes things really easy in the morning.

I packed up the Twin bag and Co-parent dropped off Twins.

I dropped off Red and we made a quick pit-stop to the bathroom to wipe off the chocolate off of her face. I like this one-one time with her. I took my time wiping off her face and was gentle with her. We talked about how Twin Crazy likes to wipe our faces and laughed about that. We walked into her classroom and again she was proud of her HUGE backpack. Once we got there, I realized that she showed up to school with FOUR jackets…. two spring jackets, one fleece, and one raincoat. All but one shoved in her backpack. Too cute.

I arrived in the Ferry parking lot a bit early, was able to get a parking spot without a problem. Then the rain started. I sat there for a bit since I was early. I checked my email. I wondered how Big Bro’s ride was going and that hopefully they reached the school in time.

Now I’m on the ferry and it is bumpy. It’s supposed to rain the rest of the week. I will be busy again today. I have seven meetings today and am overbooked for two of them — 3 related to forum planning, 2 related to client project, one performance review (mine), one firm-wide staff meeting/conference call. PLUS I need to still get work complete for a different client project. It will likely be quite impossible. I’ll have to lug that binder back home and focus on that tomorrow, I betcha.

Highlights of the Working Day:
Another busy day —

2 planning meetings for forums;

1 interview with a potential speaker – we are going to bring her in for the Fall, but not for the Spring since her data will be more relevant then

1 primary interview for the client project

1 status meeting with the client to preview initial insights from interviews and our refined thinking of the quantitative analysis

my annual review. It was OK. 2011 sucked and my review reflected that. But my new role with the forums is working and they will continue to focus me in that area, while allowing me the time to cultivate client relationships/project sales, but also reducing my direct involvement with project delivery. I have to keep myself focused on work and on the kids. I need for both of these aspects to stay on track – I will worry about myself later. Overall I’m pretty satisfied with the discussion.

So now I’m on the ferry and it is a completely rough ride. We are tossing and turning all over the place and its actually quite fun. We’re hitting big swells and I’m getting that negative g-force feeling in my stomach. Fun.

I’m looking forward to an evening with the kids. Not sure about dinner – I have not planned that far in advance. Maybe fish since that cooks up quickly in the oven, even frozen.

Dinner and Bedtime:
Rain, rain, rain…

I picked up Red in a downpour. She wore her cute little cat raincoat.

We picked up Twins next. And then Big Bro. Big Bro and I ran through the rain to get his bike. We were both soaked by the time I loaded it into the trunk. Looks like we’ll be dropping him off tomorrow – we’re expecting rain the rest of the week.

I got everyone home and started dinner. Red was having multiple breakdowns. Crying and not talking. Not communicating the issue. She gets that way sometimes. I think the lack of sleep and feeling sick are impacting her today.

We found two different spiders and the kids went nuts looking at them each. I was brave and got some paper and collected the scared creatures and returned them outside. I probably drowned the poor things – they were probably escaping the rain; we rarely see spiders at all inside the house.

Kids ate reasonably well. Red had one or two tantrums.

Twin Husky has been crying on and off all night too.

Big Bro has been teasing a bit.

Co-parent is playing with the kids on the floor. He’s actually awake. No… wait… he just put his head down and is now snoozing with the kids around him. Typical. He’s just laying on the floor with his eyes closed with all of these kids surrounding him. It makes me ill.

Twin Crazy just came over to me for a visit. I’m going to play with her now.

I’m sitting down, feeling like crap. I can barely swallow. My head is pounding. My throat hurts and my nose is running. I’m achy. I want to curl up and make this go away. I can’t stand the sound of his voice.

I had bedtime with Big Bro and Red. It was really fast. Twin Crazy paid us a visit and sat on Big Bro’s lap for a bit during booktime. Big Bro was trying to get me to read a second book and I wouldn’t give in. Red was acting playful despite the lack of sleep. Big Bro looked exhausted. I tucked them both in, gave them their kisses, and headed out the door.

So I’m downstairs now, feeling like poop. I just ate a huge bowl of ice-cream with Rice Krispies mixed in (my favorite). This is not a very healthy living environment. I feel like this is my bear den and my cubs are upstairs too far away from me. I want to fast forward. Red is crying. Let me go to her.

After talking, reassuring, laughing, more hugging, and I love yous, it is now 9 PM and this child has started to cry again. Wish me luck tonight.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: cold, meetings, parenting, part-time, rain, sick, sleep, spiders, tantrums, tired, working mom, working mother

March 22: Museums and milkshakes

March 22, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Home Day! It was a good day. Lots of activity and even a trip into the city!

Highlights of the Morning:

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were both wearing their new backpacks from Nana. Red, or even Big Bro, were likely helping them to fill them up and put them on.

Everyone got ready easily. Big Bro gathered his shoes, jacket, backpack, and helmet and had everything out and ready. He waited for the go-ahead (8 AM) and then he was off, after I kissed him goodbye.

The rest of the kids were ready to go. I was taking Twin Crazy and Twin Husky to an activity museum and I asked Red if she wanted to go to, or go to school to play with her friends. She opted to come with us so I gathered more food/snacks since my group expanded.

We went to the museum and had fun painting on see-through walls, playing with water spray bottles, molding with silly-puddy-play-dough stuff, investigating a pretend ship, jockeying for position near the toy train tracks, jumping on water bed lilli-pads, climbing on structures, jumping, and playing with stuffed animals. The three of them had a blast.

Afterwards, I made a trip through the city to stop at my new office. The kids were great. They were great on the busy streets and crossing at the light, and holding hands and going through the lobby and being scared on the elevator and checking out our new office space. They received lots of hugs from co-workers. We ate tangerines and drank water. I picked up lots of paperwork that I needed. This will save me a trip to the office tomorrow.

Nap time; kids were asleep on the way home. I love that feeling of them sound asleep transporting them from car to bed. They napped well since there was so much activity in the morning.

Highlights of the Evening:

We had snacks after nap and then went to pick up Big Bro.

He again decided to take the lagoon-route home. Brave boy. He was faster this time. It feels strange saying “goodbye Mommy” to him at the crossroads but the look on his face of excitement is awesome. He says goodbye, and I say “have fun. I’ll see you on the other side”.

I ordered a pizza and the kids were in great moods while we were waiting for it to arrive. They ate like champs. We finished the night with banana milkshakes so we could use two brown bananas that were decomposing on the counter and also some new straws that I just got for the kids.

Hide and seek! All kids were running around playing together which is great to see.

I had Big Bro and Red tonight. They were great. They are doing great now. I hear them on the kid monitor and they are busy talking about letters of the alphabet. I think Red is telling Big Bro the letter she wants and he is writing it down on something. So cute. No tears yet. No screaming yet. I hope tonights goes well. They are laughing.

Today was really nice. I love my time with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. They are both so cuddly and interactive. Big Bro had lots of bike-time in so he was cooperative and not teasing his siblings. They were just really getting along well and enjoyable.

I’m relaxing now listening to them. I have some work to do. Uh-oh. through the kid monitor: “Mommy…. I’m scared….” . Whew. They’re talking about letters again, for now. She’s scared. I say “relax”. She says “come upstairs.” I say “No. You can do it”. Now they’re talking about what I said, and letters.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: banana milkshakes, flex time, museum, office visit, painting, part-time, working mom, working mother

March 21: Big milestones!!!

March 21, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

Red is screaming for me right now as I type this. Ugggh.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Twin Crazy was excited to wear her new shirt from Nana. Red picked it out for her and Twin Crazy was acting silly and waving her arms wearing it.

Big Bro was trying to scare her along the way.

Kids got dressed and ready without any problems.

Big Bro rode his bike with the Motley Crew, I dropped of Twin Crazy/Twin Husky, and then Red.

I drove back home to work for the 1/2 day.

Highlights of My Working Day:
[note: Red is still screaming for me….]

I made a pot of coffee, ate breakfast, loaded the dishwasher, and got my computer and phones out.

I had a conference call regarding a survey that we need to do for one of the meetings in April. I suggested ways to improve efficiencies and then lined up a resource to load the questions into Zoomerang. I need to look at the output PowerPoint pages since there seems to be a lot of manual, tedious work there that doesn’t need to be done…. I need to focus on presentation in the next week. But for now, the questionnaire will be executed through Zoomerang.

I secured a speaker and potential new member for one of the forums!!! YES!!! I’m psyched.

I had to answer numerous emails related to client work and forums. This trouble-shooting occurred throughout the day.

[Red is still screaming…. Mommy, mommy, mommy….. my Co-parent assumes the crying will just stop]

I had some appointments the rest of the day.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Red, Twins, and Big Bro. While waiting for Big Bro to get his bike, Twin Husky pointed to the part of his head where it was OK for me to give him a kiss. I ask the kids if it is OK for me to kiss them.

Big Bro had a HUGE milestone tonight. Instead of taking the sidewalk the whole way home (with me tailing him in the van with hazard lights on], he decided for the FIRST time to take the “lagoon trail” by himself. It’s about 1/4 mile and I met him with the van on the other side. I was so proud of him. And the rest of the kids were also anxiously awaiting him to come into eyesight. So cute. He’s getting bigger, braver. I love that. Independence. Conquering fear, the unknown.

Kids ate really well. Twin Husky wanted to serve himself and cut his own meatballs. All kids wanted to put their own grated cheese on their dinners. Kids were getting their drinks of water. So independent. I love it. You have to be patient at this age (2 yrs old) but you need to let them do these things for themselves.

Afterwards, Red and the Twins were crawling around under the table and I was making jokes about them being “doggies”. Red was my Irish Setter, Twin Crazy was my Jack Russell Terrier, and Twin Husky was my Bassett Hound. They were all laughing and going in circles and shrieking and acting like doggies. So cute.

Twin Husky and Twin Crazy were pretending to cook.

Red was on my lap using a spoon to drink water and kept spilling it on me. I joked with her… “is THIS the thanks I get for making you dinner? Thanks for making me dinner mommy, now here is some water for your lap…” She was cracking up. We had a great time.

Hide and seek!

Bedtime – I had the Twins. Twin Crazy went pee-pee in the potty; I told her to hold it in when she wakes up and in the AM I would get her and bring her to the potty right away. I was so proud of her. We read books, kissed goodnight (especially the twins to each other) and then night-night. She said she was scared of the dark and I said that it is OK to be scared and also suggested clapping her hands real loud to make the scary things go away.

[Red is still crying for Mommy….]

[I just went up to her. Got her into bed. Calmed her down. Asked her to relax her neck, shoulders, arms, fingers, legs, etc. Told her it was OK. Let her know that its easier to go to sleep when your mind and your body is relaxed. I asked her to relax and I promised to check in on her in 2 minutes. She agreed. I will go up to her soon, as promised.].

I had a good day. I am really busy at work. And things are going so crazy at home. This is not a good situation for any of us. I wish it were May and not March. There is too much for our family to endure during this time. And I’m busy at work and wanting to do the best for the kids. I feel like I’m being pulled in all directions – but need to stay focused on making my work successful and protecting my children the best way I can. And that means letting go a bit, I know.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, independence, letting go, meetings, parenting, part-time, potty training, sleep, working mom, working mother

March 16: Fish

March 16, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

Friday! Home with ALL kids (Big Bro’s school was closed today) AND my mom! It was a great day.

Highlights:

All kids were excited for a “home day” — all of them together. We kept the same wake up routine and got everyone dressed and ready to go. I decided to take everyone to a science museum and acquarium today. It was awesome. We went through a rainforest, looked at macaws, frolicked with butterflies, looked at trees, went up a circular ramp, and stuck together/watched out for each other. We also went to check out a HUGE acquarium, were dazzled by the jellyfish, and had snacks by the huge tank looking at all of the fish. We had fun interacting with a penguin and also running around and chasing each other. The kids were so great, everyone basically stuck together and looked out for each other. Twin Husky was wandering a couple of times but did not seem scared or upset – Big Bro and Red were both excellent big siblings. Big Bro also had fun being in charge of the umbrella since it was still raining non-stop today.

We went to lunch afterwards and the kids ate well. All were well behaved and enjoying themselves.

At home the younger ones took a LONG nap while Big Bro sat with me and lounged in front of TV, talking about moose, polar bears, etc. He got a bit cranky with me and I asked him to go away for some quiet time. He lashed out at me by throwing toys around. He lost his bike privilege for Monday and I helped him put the toys back in their bins.

We had a feast for dinner. Salmon, to keep with the “fish” theme. Twin Husky was shoving food in his face, Twin Crazy was eating well with a spoon, Red kept getting more helpings… only Big Bro was “off” tonight….

Afterwards the kids had fun playing lillipads with pillows, and running around with each other.

On our way upstairs, I heard Red screaming. I get into their room and she is naked and Big Bro is puking rice onto the floor. Now I get why he didn’t want to eat and was a bit cranky this afternoon. I made sure he was OK, then addressed Red. Poor naked Red. I washed her down and she calmed down. I cleaned up the mess in the room. I’m actually amazed at how quickly everything went back to normal. Big Bro was not even that upset about anything and just took it easy. I still read to them and talked with them and Red just said that Big Bro was sick. She was not upset or anything. I was pleasantly surprised.

Tomorrow is Saturday and I would normally be pumped about it, with my Mom here and everything, but the ex is here too, which makes things very weird. Hopefully he will find a way to entertain himself solo tomorrow so me and Mom can enjoy our last full day together with the kids.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: aquarium, divorce, fish, parenting, part-time, working mom, working mother

March 15: Siblings playing

March 15, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Today was nice in that I had the kids and my mom here, but overall it kindof sucked since a morning meeting related to the divorce put a damper on the day.

Highlights of the Day:

I came back home to my mom with Twin Crazy, Twin Husky, and Red working on laundry after playing with play-dough the majority of the morning. I gave them a snack and then worked on lunch.

After lunch they colored. Red wrote her name, after us telling her what letter comes next. Twin Husky and Twin Crazy were both very busy with their coloring. My mom took all of the pieces of art to take home with her as keepsakes.

Naptime. This did not go over well at all. Twins were jumping up and down in their cribs, laughing and cackling with each other. Later Twin Husky, who normally loves to nap, decided he wanted to be downstairs instead. He was furiously crying. I went to pick up Big Bro while my mom stayed behind, and even when we came back he was still crying. So, I grabbed him. He wanted to go downstairs. So Twin Crazy wanted to get up. And Red never went to sleep – she was just resting, looking at a book. So all kids were up, and not very rested. I sat with Twin Husky on our rocking chair and he snoozed a bit which was good for him (and for me).

We had snacks and then gathered our wheels (scooters, bicycles, balance bike) and headed over to the courtyard. Then all the other kids came out. It was cute seeing all the kids playing together. And seeing Twin Crazy and Twin Husky playing like the big kids. They would line up along a garage door and wheel down the driveway together. They bounced balls with each other. It started to sprinkle and they shared umbrellas with each other. It was all very sweet.

Back at home I made dinner with the help of Red and Twin Husky. Chicken cutlet with home-made breadcrumbs. So easy, and it makes the chicken so damn good.

Afterwards the kids were playing with each other. They were pretending that the trundle bed (normally under Big Bro’s bed) was a boat and all the kids were playing on and off the boat. Big Bro was the director, directing everyone’s play. Then they were playing with blankets and hiding underneath. Big Bro was also hugging them and swinging them around in circles. So cute.

We headed downstairs for some quiet time; I then put Twin Crazy and Twin Husky to bed without a problem. Twin Crazy was cute in that she REALLY wanted to kiss her twin brother good night. But he wouldn’t let her. So I taught her how to “blow kisses”. Twin Husky was blowing kisses back to her. I eventually put her in his crib so she could give him a proper kiss and they were both cracking up at this. Red and Big Bro were a bit harder. Red’s crying is a problem. I am here now typing this in their room; where she knows I am but still at a distance.

So the day still had its special moments even though my overall frame of mind has been down. I will be glad when I am in my own place, wherever that might be.

Till tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, flex time, make believe, part-time, umbrella, working mom, working mother

March 14: Puddles, worms, and Nana

March 14, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

It’s Wednesday night at 9:45 PM so I am writing this from memory… it will be brief…

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

It was POURING outside; kids were watching the rain and also commenting on the worms. We stood there for awhile looking at the rain and worms together. I talked about how the worms like the water and how when it rains you can usually find some worms on the sidewalk. Twin Husky couldn’t find the worm we were talking about so Big Bro helped him to find it by pointing and talking about where it was.
We talked about how Nana was coming in an airplane to visit and how she would be with me when I picked them all up from school. I asked if that was OK and they said YES!
When I dropped Big Bro off, he was brave and walked from the car by himself up the driveway to school. The rest of us stayed in the van and watched him go. He said he was going to count the worms he saw on his way into school. The other kids were fast-walking because of the rain but he was slowly walking, taking his time, probably counting the worms he saw.
Twin drop off and Red drop off were fine; I carried Red’s blanket and baby doll inside of my own raincoat to keep them dry. Red appreciated that.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I went home and got myself set up. I cleaned up from breakfast, loaded the dishwasher, put some laundry into the dryer. I ate some breakfast, refilled my coffee, and got my computer set up and phones nearby. I was ready.
I addressed some emails related to the forums we are planning for April. Also did some miscellaneous sleuthing for a contact name on behalf of one of our directors. I also had to load my old email files into my new computer in order to find these contact names… so it was an inefficient morning.
I spent time formalizing the Agendas and timing for 2 of our big meetings in April. It helps to see things concretely and to see where there gaps, if any, in the timing.
I did some speaker outreach for both of the forums… confirming spots and also following up with requested information. We are really down to the wire now, the speakers should really be set at this point so I feel a bit under the gun.
We had a client conference call to review some analysis. Our team stayed on after the call so we could get ready for our client meeting on Monday. We need to build another analytical model to evaluate the opportunities for the client based upon different dimensions and different scenarios. I tried to get the team on track to 1) refine what we have done so far; and 2) build a working tool for our meeting on Monday; 3) plan for the scenarios and understand which “levers” to pull in the model for which scenario and why; and 4) talk about the discussion document to have to guide this working session with the client on Monday. I’m a bit worried since I won’t be working much from now until then – especially since my mom is here.

I gathered up my things, picked up the kids, and we were all talking about Nana on our way to the airport. Big Bro also told us a story that he said was “bad”. How there was lots of water and how there was a group of worms that were smashed by someone’s feet. And both Big Bro and Red were telling stories about how much it was raining today and how there were piles and puddles of water everywhere. I handed out graham crackers, we picked up my mom, and ordered a pizza before heading home in the rain in great spirits.

Dinner and Bedtime:

It was a fun reunion with Nana. The kids were really running around and full of energy.
We cleaned up the toys a bit to make the place seem less of a disaster; Red used the dust-buster, Big Bro started wiping up spots off of the rug, I tried to get the twins to work on the puzzles but they just wanted to play with water and dump water everywhere.
Pizza came; the kids were going nuts. “Hello Pizza man!!!”
Twin Husky really wanted to play with Red’s baby doll and blanket. He kept putting the baby on a pillow and covering it with the blanket. He even fed it with a bottle a couple of times. So cute.
The kids were very physical after dinner. Lots of tumbling, tickling, horsie rides, and airplane rides.
I did bedtime routine with the boys – this was different. Twin Husky went down without a problem. He loves to sleep. Big Bro was easier during the routine since it was just me and him. He was very cooperative and we read together and then he was quietly doing his Legos before jumping into bed.

I’m now finishing this write-up and its 10 PM. Red was having problems going to sleep so I had to go upstairs to soothe her. I don’t like holding her hand or rubbing her back to get her to go to sleep… instead I like to hold her, calm her down, talk to her, ask her if there is anything specific that she wants to talk about, ask her about her feelings (is she scared? sad? isn’t sure?). I feel so bad for her, especially when I’m sitting next to her in her bed and prying my arm away from her grip. Especially when I’m looking into her eyes and they seem so sad to me.

I’m glad my mom’s here.

Till tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: flex time, Nana, parenting, part-time, puddles, rain, working mom, working mother, worms

March 12: Not a bad Monday

March 12, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Monday, after a long weekend, with little sleep. And I will be busy today. Not good. Last night’s sweet reunion with the kids was at 8 PM – Twin Crazy was acting silly and saying “Hiya”. Big Bro was tired, as was Red and Big Bro. I had all four kids on the floor with me as they came back into the house. Twin Crazy and Red on my lap, Twin Husky half on my lap and the floor, and Big Bro in a fetal position laying next to me on the floor. It was a late night for them. By the time Big Bro went to sleep, it was past 10:15 PM.

Highlights of the Morning:

I woke up to Red screaming between 5 – 6 AM. I went up several times to soothe her.

Big Bro was excited about leading the pack of the Motley Crew today. His day is Mondays.

Red was fine after she got dressed into her favorite Dora shirt.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were busy eating breakfast, and talking alot. Talking about how their bowls were circles and how tangerines are balls. Twin Crazy brought Red her hot pink phone, and brought Twin Husky his bear stuffed animal. She is so sweet.

Twin Husky was acting goofy and sticking pieces of bread crusts out of his mouth like two teeth.

All kids were having fun this AM. Interacting with each other and taking care of each other. Twin Husky needs to have his pile of things with him (basketball, tigers, rubber snake, bear) and the kids were helping him organize his stuff next to him.

Getting out of the house was easy today. Big Bro was eager to leave on his bike. I found Twin Crazy and Twin Husky playing with their scooters outside in the driveway, laughing. Twin Crazy is REALLY good at the scooter. She glides and everything.

We drop off Twins first; then Red. It is picture day for Red and we forgot. Her hair looks like Einstein and I ask the teacher to please comb it before the pictures.

Now I’m on the ferry and I have so much to do today – I have a 9 AM conference call that I have to lead and I need to figure out where I’m going to go for quiet space to have this conversation – the ferry gets in just close to 9 AM so I need to figure that out. I have 4 [update; no make that 5] other meetings/conferences calls after that. I need to figure out what work I need to do between those and need to get organized when I get into the office.

I’m attending to emails already while on the ferry and getting myself ready for the day.

I am in reasonably good spirits today. I am looking forward to my mother’s visit this week. I’m also looking forward to getting this divorce process done. I want to get out of this house. There is no soul/charm/personality and I really am looking forward to moving on.

Highlights of My Working Day:
OMG busy! Again!

Worked on client deliverable

5 meetings! 1 project team meeting, 1 staff meeting, 2 speaker planning meetings, 1 internal planning/agenda meeting. Whew!

I will need to get real work done tomorrow.

I’m on the ferry now, riding home. Tired. But it is sunny outside. I’m looking forward to picking up the kids. Looking forward to catching up with them since I did not see them this weekend. The Twins were very talkative this morning… its amazing how quickly they change. I can see the difference in them from only being away for 2 1/2 days! So I’m looking forward to learning about them tonight. And hearing about Big Bro’s Monday as Leader of the Motley Crew. And hoping that Red had a good day despite her lack of sleep last night.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Red first, then the Twins. We picked up Big Bro last so he could ride his bike from school to home. I suggested that he take an alternate route… a path that winds around a man-made lagoon which is really pretty. We’ve gone on it many times before. When he got to that part of the journey, he wasn’t sure where it would lead and he decided to come back up on the sidewalk and me follow him home in the van. So cute. He was brave, then backed down to the safety of what he knows. That’s OK. I had fun following him and the kids had fun cheering him on along the way.

At home I cooked; Big Bro helped with parts of the dinner. He also helped clean up some spilled water (Twin Crazy). Red helped set the table.

Kids ate well, except for Twin Crazy. She got cranky later so I brought out milk for everyone.

We played outside since it was light out from the time change. Big Bro and I played “kick back” which is just kicking a ball back and forth. Twin Husky was busy throwing a basketball in the air. Twin Crazy was frustrated with her pretend stroller, and Red was trying on shoes.

Twin Crazy was playing with her milk and I eventually took it away from her. She gets so upset when you are mad at her. I asked her if she needed some mommy-time and she said “Yeah…. Mommy time…..”. So I sat with her in the hallway, talked with her about how I felt mad at her. And why I felt mad at her. That she was playing with her milk and not listening. But that it’s OK, that people get mad. It’s OK to feel mad. And even though I was mad at her, I still love her. And then Red added in: “yeah mommy, and you love her so so so so so so much”. So cute. I guess Red remembers similar conversations with her.

Bedtime – I had Big Bro and Red. They got ready really quickly. Red asked me to pull something out of her jacket that she forgot downstairs so I did and almost shit my pants when I saw and felt a squishy fake bug. So of course I made a big deal out of it upstairs with them. Then Big Bro started picking his toes and I had Red cracking up about how gross that was. Yuck. They were both reasonably ready for bed, Big Bro with a Lego project so I asked him to get into bed when he was ready. Goodnight guys. I love you so much.

Kisses for Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. “I……. love…… you” whispers. “Sweet dreams”.

Afterwards, I made some “mail” for Red for her pre-school class. I printed a picture of Dora, Princesses, and Mini-mouse. Then made little notes and made envelopes to her. One from mommy, one from daddy, and one from Big Bro, Twin Crazy and Twin Husky.

I’m now sitting in bed, listening to quiet kids in the monitor. I think Red finally quit the “hold my hand until I fall asleep” routine. That one was tough. I think we did it. I can’t believe how good Big Bro and Red were tonight. They were both so helpful. It’s good to have them around again. I don’t know if they were so good because I was away this weekend, or maybe Big Bro felt like he was happy from his bike ride…. I’m not sure but I need to figure it out. They were all wonderful tonight.

I had a great Monday.
Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: bedime, kickball, kids, parenting, part-time, playing, working mom, working mother

March 9: Sweet moments before going away

March 10, 2012 by Mama K 3 Comments

Happy Friday! I’m looking forward to this weekend. I will be solo. So I got a heavy dose of “kid” this morning to fill me up before they left me for the weekend.

Highlights of the Morning:

Big Bro’s bike privilege is back. He was up out of bed, got dressed, had his sneakers on, his jacket on, helmet on, and came downstairs for breakfast completely ready to go. He ate quickly and then was completely ready. Even backpack. It was onlly 7:30 AM. He typically doesn’t ROLL out of bed until 7:30 AM. But here is was, all ready to go and extremely excited to be back in action.

Big Bro and Twin Husky again were having fun running and dancing around in the kitchen together. I think this will be a ritual with them.

Big Bro was very sweet this morning. Twin Crazy had some hair in her face and Big Bro gently swiped it away and out of her eyes. The way she was looking up at him was so sweet. I wish I had the camera but am glad I remembered this moment – hopefully I will remember it in the future since I’m writing it down here.

It was finally 8:00 AM and time for Big Bro to go. He was thrilled. I watched him down the sidewalk. I called out that I loved him and for him to have fun. He turned around back to me as he was riding and said “Bye Mommy!!!” with a huge smile on his face.

Back at home Twins were dressed to go for the day. Red was dressed for school. Daddy was in the car too. I grabbed snacks and extra diapers for my day with the Twins. We pulled away to drop Red off. He was rushing. I didn’t understand why. I’m home with the kids anyway and I wanted to make it a relaxing drop off. As we were driving there I looked back at Red’s face and her eyes just seemed sad to me. I then asked her if she wanted to go with me and Twin Crazy and Twin Husky and she said YES. I was going to take them to the zoo. So I had Daddy turn the van around to drop him off and for me to get extra food since I had Red now too.

Highlights of the Zoo:

We arrived there early so we played in the playground a bit.

Red had to pee so we went potty – there was a huge lawnmower which was scaring the kids so it was a bit of an ordeal to get to the potty across the lawn while this huge lawnmower was going around. We made it though.

Back at the playground Red was being a monkey climbing on things and the Twins were staying close to me because of the lawnmower. Red was having trouble trying to climb up certain things and then all of the sudden I saw her with the stroller and she was using it as a ladder. I love how these kids problem-solve and come up with solutions. It makes me feel good that they can take care of themselves in that way.

Once the zoo opened we went to see the frogs and turtles first. Red had never been to that part of the zoo before.

We went to look at the sea otters and laughed at how they were playing.

We had snacks and the kids were having fun roaming through bushes and playing follow the leader.

We then went to brush the goats. So much fun. They were very good with the animals and loved it.

On the way out the kids were being monkeys again. Climbing on things all over the place.

Rest of the Afternoon:

We made it back by 11:30 AM for lunch.

Daddy packed up the car and I played with the kids. We played with blocks and balls. They started to get cranky, needing their naps so I held Twin Crazy for a bit and then rocked with Twin Husky.

The kids were cute getting their things. Twin Husky needed to bring his 2 Tigers, yellow soccer ball, pretend chicken leg, and blue rubber snake.

I said my goodbyes and rocked in the chair for a bit. It was quiet.

I’m going to try not to be upset about these lonely weekends any longer. My first alone weekend was very, very rough. It was hard for me to wake up in silence – it felt wrong. I maybe had 2 or 3 mornings of silence over the past 6 years and it just felt un-natural to me. I felt like I was missing my limbs or that I had two left feet or something. It just felt “off”.

But no matter how I look at it, no matter WHAT level of custody I have with these kids going forward, there will be obviously be days where I wake up without them. This is just reality. And I know this. I can almost accept this now. This is going to be part of my new reality going forward. I will not have them with me every day. It’s as simple as that. I get it. Sometimes it will be harder for me and sometimes it won’t feel as difficult. It will just be.

So, I sat in silence for awhile. It was a stark difference from just 2 minutes prior — twins crying to nap and Red bouncing around trying to be helpful. Now it was completely quiet except for the sound of the rocking chair. I sat in the chair in the sun. I checked email. I saw a “Groupon-now” for a deep conditioning and haircut that if bought, had to be used within 2 hours. So I made an appointment and bought the Groupon and got my hair conditioned and cut.

So now I’m getting ready for my weekend away. A B&B in wine country with heated pools, mineral baths, bed in breakfast, and massage (another Groupon previously bought). It was going to be for 2. But now I am one. And I am using it this weekend, alone. And happy about that. I will wake up to a quiet house tomorrow morning, knowing that the kids are fine and having fun, and I will pack up the car and go out to breakfast and road-trip. I have a massage at 11 AM and will relax the rest of the day at the pool. I will spend the weekend with myself and with my thoughts and enjoy the sun, the pool, and the silence.

I love Groupon.

Have a terrific weekend Mamas – I’ll post pix of my weekend on Facebook and likely Tweet about it too.

Here’s to sunny days!
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, haircut, massage, parenting, part-time, silence, solitude, weekend trip, working mom, working mother, zoo

March 29: Sitting in the Hallway

March 28: Lots of A&D

March 27: Lots of rain but no heat.

March 22: Museums and milkshakes

March 21: Big milestones!!!

March 16: Fish

March 15: Siblings playing

March 14: Puddles, worms, and Nana

March 12: Not a bad Monday

March 9: Sweet moments before going away

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