Random Thoughts: Interesting article – “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All”

June 25, 2012 by 3 Comments

THANK YOU Mama V for sharing this  –

http://m.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/6/

So much of this article resonated for me; the expectations, feeling of failure, stress.   If she is correct and we need society to change to make it better for the rest, I fear we will be waiting a LONG time – even though there are so  many working females out there.

I don’t know what the answer is but happiness for me at least is the CHOICE to do what you want to do; for me, working from home, flexible work schedule, telling myself that its OK to “side step” a career for a portion of my life, the notion of “investment intervals”….   Many people do not have the luxury of choice – if you have it, don’t be fearful but EMBRACE IT.   Do what you need to do for yourself and for your family.

What are your thoughts ladies???

Please read and let us know!

http://m.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/6/

– Mama K

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Staying Sane: Boob tube is back!

June 24, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I don’t usually watch a lot of T.V. There’s just too much going on. But there have been some shows that I will admit I’ve been addicted to. True Blood. The Vampire Diaries. American Idol. HGTV. Hells Kitchen.

It’s an out. It goes on after the kids go to bed. Its a source of distraction.

And I’ve been without it for so long!!!

But over the weekend I had The Geek Squad out here to put my TV up and connect all my gear; it is about 75% there (some issues with the remote which they will come back and do) and it is WONDERFUL to be back.

I’ve been watching CNN and feel like a person again.

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What are you watching these days that is worth watching? Fill me in!!!

Have a great week everyone!
– Mama K

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June 22: Beer and a bagel

June 22, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Looking at the date I just realized that my grandmother would have turned 92 on this day if she were still alive. Sorry mom for not calling. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

Friday and my day off –

Highlights of the Morning:

  • I woke up to Red and Twin Crazy and then also Twin Husky jumping in my bed. They wanted to play with the guinea pig so I got her and we were all in my bed. Then Big Bro came in too and I had all kids plus a guinea pig in my bed. That’s the most action its gotten in quite some time.
  • We watered house-plants since it was too cold to go outside and water plants. Big Bro likes having that “job”.
  • The kids then continued with guinea pig time and I actually had to use the timer function on my phone to have equal rotations. That worked well to avoid conflict.
  • We all got dressed and headed out to drop off Big Bro and Red. Once we got there Big Bro realized he had a splinter in his foot so we were all in the lobby as I was working on his foot. It was a hard one to pull out because it broke and there was just a tiny, tiny piece to grab onto. Eventually I got it. Whew.
  • The ride home was uneventful. Not much traffic. We talked about trucks. I also had a conference call for work that I took with my earbuds in.
  • I did some laundry and Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were enthralled with the new machine that you can see through.
  • They wanted to visit the chickens
  • Afterwards I made some lunch and they took naps – I did some work and then also weeded. I attacked the green dandelions that are beginning to flower….

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    The Rest of the Day:

  • After they woke up we all gathered our things and headed to the car. On the way out I stopped to get my mail and the VENUS FLYTRAP that I ordered from Amazon arrived. COOL! I was excited to show Big Bro and Red.
  • Not much traffic, whew.
  • They thought the plant was cool. Big Bro knew exactly what it was as I was opening it. He guessed it. I said it was something that we were just talking about the other day and he guessed it in one shot – VENUS FLYTRAPPER. How cute.
  • I dropped them off at co-parent’s and he started a fight with me in front of them.
  • The ride home was fine; maybe I’m just getting used to it.
  • I attacked some weeds in the backyard. I have a part of the yard that is downward sloping and I thought it would be fun to make it a garden… with traverse walking stones – the space is really un-usable since there is such as slope so I figured a garden would be the best thing. I first pulled out all of the green weeds for the chickens, and then hatcheted the all of the nasty brown tall flowing weeds. In the end it looked like I butchered a part of the yard. It looks terrible. I have to do something about that.
  • I came in, showered, and had a bagel and a beer. I watered the lawn and I’m now going to put together my composting bin. Again, I am a person of extremes. Prior to this I could barely keep a houseplant alive and now I’m sowing the earth and wanting to compost for fertilizer.

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    I’m going to sleep well tonight.

    The kids will be back with me tomorrow at 4 PM. I’m looking forward to getting some things done in the AM and then seeing them later that day.

    Have a great weekend all –
    – Mama K (farmer)

    Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

    June 21: On the road, again

    June 21, 2012 by 2 Comments

    Thursday not working! Unfortunately I spent most of the day driving.

    Highlights of the morning:

  • The girls woke up first and we sat together in the living room reading books, and then sitting with the guinea pig, still nameless. Red was holding her as Twin Crazy tried to feed her.
  • The girls wanted an activity and wanted to color. I let them know the file cabinet drawer where all of their paper and crayons are. Red found a bag of small colored squares that looked interesting and pulled them out…. she started sorting them by color and Twin Crazy started to help her.
  • They then went on with their coloring activity.
  • Out came Twin Husky with his hair sticking up. He immediately went over to the guinea pig’s cage to say good morning.
  • The three ate cereal like champs. Out came Big Bro half dressed. He wanted to spend time with the guinea pig too.
  • We headed out the door – I’ve been instructed to take Big Bro and Red to daycare even on my days off (don’t get me started….). So off we go…. slowly…. in traffic. By the time we got there it was 10:10 AM and I didn’t know that Big Bro had a field trip (Karate) starting at 10:00 AM. I wish I knew that so that I would have been there earlier. Red’s drop off was fine.
  • Me and Twin Crazy and Twin Husky headed back to my place. We got stuck in traffic again on the way back. Twin Crazy was crying and wanted out of her car seat. We started to sing Old McDonald’s Farm which seemed to work for a bit.

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    Highlights of the Afternoon:

  • The kids found beads and sunglasses and we had fun dressing up. We read books. We cuddled on the couch. I couldn’t believe it was time for lunch. I made burrito ingredients and had fun watching the kids build their own burritos. They ate really well.
  • We all napped.
  • As soon as we got up I shoved some cookies in their faces and we headed to the car. I saw that a flower was blooming off of one of my shrubs that I thought was dead.
  • Our first half of the trip was smoothe sailing but I shuddered looking at the other side, backed up with traffic ALL THE WAY towards the city. On our second highway we got stuck in traffic. This did NOT make Twin Crazy happy. We talked about the diggers, the graffiti, the trucks…. and sang some more.
  • It was great to see Red and Big Bro. Apparently Big Bro hit a homerun this afternoon. I love hearing that about my big little man.

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    Dinner and Bedtime:

  • I decided to pull over and get some food for the way back, knowing that we would be stuck in traffic. I grabbed grapes and mango juice, and some more tortillas. The snack of grapes and juice disappeared in less than 10 minutes. These kids can EAT. The ride back was much better since all four of them were there and there was much more conversation. We talked about the trains, how I take that train to work, the motorcycles, the clouds, … … …
  • We played with the guinea pig as soon as we got back.
  • I then started to make dinner. As I was cooking I overheard Big Bro teaching Red addition and subtraction. He asked her to do it with her fingers. She was answering his questions correctly. I applauded them for learning together and working together. I love hearing the kids teach each other things. We all have things to learn from each other.
  • We ate dinner and afterwards I went outside to weed. I asked the kids to come outside to play. Big Bro did his “job” of watering the strawberry plants and the trees. Twin Husky wanted to “help” me weed so he had his weeding tool and pushed around the weeds that I gathered. We then collected the green weeds and brought them over to the chickens. That was a BIG hit. The kids loved bringing over the weeds and feeding the chickens. I had kids going back and forth and giving them green icky weeds and they loved it. Big Bro then got into weeding himself, and said that he wanted to do more of this on Sunday. He is way too funny.
  • Twin Crazy pooped her pants so that was a good segue for coming inside.
  • I got the kids ready and read to the girls first on the couch. They were VERY serious about not letting the boys in their room. So of course the boys joined forces and acted silly with each other running in and out of their room. It is really sweet to see them interact with each other now – They are 4 years apart but really starting to interact.
  • I read to the boys next; and then the girls again in their own room. Twin Crazy repeats EVERYTHING that Red says. If Red is too hot, Twin Crazy is too hot. If Red wants water, Twin Crazy wants water. If Red has an itch, Twin Crazy has an itch. Again, so sweet. My little parrot.

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    All kids are asleep now and I hear guinea pig rustling around every now and then. I’m not sure what to do about tomorrow. I have to drop them off at co-parent’s at 6 PM but will have little time with them. I’d like to spend time with them in the AM, drop off Red and Big Bro, and then maybe stay in that area and go to a library or beach or something. Someplace where we can grab a snooze. Then pick up Big Bro and Red and do something. Maybe a museum or the zoo. I just don’t want to spend the whole day driving on the highway and also missing out on my kids. Anything to avoid having to take these toddlers on four trips on two separate highways, in traffic each way. I’ll figure something out tomorrow and will likely pack up the car with extra clothes, food, etc. It will be an adventure.

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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    June 20: Loss of my Virgin Mouth

    June 20, 2012 by 3 Comments

    I like Wednesdays. I get to work from home for 1/2 day:

    Highlights of My Morning:

  • I woke up early and started my day at 8 AM. I started with an instant coffee while booting up my computer.
  • I have a brand new printer/fax/scanner/copier. I love it. It is soooooooooooo fast. And small. I faxed out Big Bro’s report card to co-parent and felt productive already. Then I had issues with the fax – the report said it didn’t send. It took me awhile to figure out I had to actually switch the phone line to the fax machine to get it to work. DUH.
  • I had a second instant coffee and checked email. Nothing major to respond to.
  • I followed up with some invoices.
  • I updated our sales pipeline for one of our forums.
  • I took a break and decided to walk to the back of my property. There are some trees back there that are turning orange. I am a bit concerned about them and I wanted to see where they were on the property lines. Then the fun started. I have a fence in the back that is completely pulled down – and a well-established trail, I believe from the deer (that ate the leaves off of my new fruit trees). The strange thing is that there is about 6 feet of “no man’s land” between my torn down fence and the fence from my back neighbor… and these trees are actually part of this no-man’s land. It is kindof cool back there…. it reminded me of the trails I used to walk and explore as a kid. But it scared me to think of my kids back here. There were big holes – not sure what from or what kinds of critters. And strange forts. Plus lots of debris. I have a lot of work to do. First, I need to figure out if these trees are mine – where does my property line end? Then I must do something about these trees – depending on if they are mine or not – regardless, their limbs have to come down and out of my space. Lastly, I will need to get a proper fence put up. It won’t take long to contain Twin Husky or Big Bro from this mess. I just see more $$$ coming out and I don’t know where it will come from. I decided to go back to work to earn some money.
  • I don’t really remember what else I did – I talked to my mom for a bit and I had a conference call to discuss a pricing strategy for one of our forums. We need to rethink pricing to get more members in – non-profits, start-ups, and smaller organizations. It is valuable to have them part of the forum but the price tag is a barrier to get them in. So we’re experimenting a bit to see if we can get some over the line. I have a number of sales calls coming up so am glad we came to conclusions on this.

    • I ate lunch. Got dressed. Headed out the door.

    Highlights of the Afternoon:

  • I headed into the city for a dentist appointment. You may not believe this, but I have all of my teeth – all wisdom teeth – and have NEVER had a cavity…. until NOW. I couldn’t believe it. I thought there was something funky going on in there. For years Dentists raved about my “virgin” mouth… all teeth in, and absolutely no work done on any of them. I prided myself in my cavity-free mouth. BUT ALAS NO MORE!!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!! A cavity. My mouth is no longer a virgin.
  • I headed in to pick up the kids. On my way I stopped at a grocery store to pick up some things. I shopped frugally and focused on sales. I got 3 containers of raspberries, buy 1 get 2 free. YEAH!
  • I picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. Daycare said that they kept talking about the big couch and big TV at Mommy’s house. Too funny. My couch is so small and the TV is tiny compared to our other one. It’s funny to me what they choose to talk about.
  • We picked up Red and Big Bro at Red’s school. It was great to see her. I asked how she was doing (fine…, whew). She ran in my arms and I couldn’t get enough of her. She seemed older to me. Very much a little girl. She had a pony-tail in from her teacher and I think that is what made her look different to me.
  • I was careful with Big Bro when I saw him. Fist pump. I caught him playing with Twin Husky. They are so cute together now.
  • We headed to PetCo to get a new guinea pig. Our other one officially had ringworm (poor thing) so we picked out another. This one is chocolate-brown and a female. She is so sweet. She is actually quite social and does not immediately hide. Maybe the other one did because he felt sick. Poor guy. I hope I don’t get too many questions about where he is now. Twin Crazy was concerned that a Chicken would hurt the guinea pig when we got home. I assured her that this would not happen since it would be safe in a cage.
  • We drove back and I had fun throwing Vanilla wafers back to Red and Big Bro during the ride back. I would hear little “got it”s the whole way back. It was fun; we talked about the commuter train and the radio and I even caught Twin Crazy dancing a bit in her car seat.

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    Dinner and Bedtime:

  • We got back home and disinfected the guinea pig cage. We all worked together; the kids were so cute doing this. Big Bro was holding the guinea pig as he was cleaning the cage. Such a little man.
  • We played ball and also a wheelbarrel of water.
  • We ate dinner. And lots of fruit afterwards. Strawberries, pears, blueberries, and one of the packages of raspberries.
  • We played with more water. I weeded.
  • I knew when it was time to come in – Twin Husky and Twin Crazy were pooped. I read to each of them and put Twin Husky down first. He had no problem laying in his bed with his Tigers. He asked me to rub his back. Then our whispers “I….. love….. you”.
  • I worked with Twin Crazy next, while Big Bro and Red were playing with the guinnea pig.
  • I thought everyone was brushed and down for the count when the girls just started acting silly. Pee pee, water, itchy vaginas. Everything that Red would say, Twin Crazy would say too. It is so sweet how they are sisters and so close in age. Also a bit frightening. Twin Crazy tried not to smile to me as she was repeating everything from Red. Too cute.
  • I showered which gave the girls time to actually go to sleep.

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    I’m sitting here now on my “big” couch listening to the crickets and enjoying a cool breeze. It’s fun to have the kids here again. And also a new little creature that really is so cute. Red wants to name her Isabelle – but that is the name of the birthday-girl neighbor from across the street so I don’t think that would be a proper name. We’ll have to work on that.

    I’m feeling reasonably good. Tired. Thinking about the yard. It would have been good to get out there a bit before it was dark but the girls were just to amped up. Maybe I’ll have some ice-cream instead. Screw it. I already have a cavity – my mouth is no longer a virgin so I guess just bring those cavities on!

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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    Gig Tips: Some initial thoughts on telecommuting

    June 19, 2012 by Leave a Comment

    This is a new kind of blog entry for me.  Last week this time, I would have been talking about a Daily Journal where I was balancing being a mom and going to work.   I would have likely talked about Chocolate Tuesday.  But this week, and every week going forward, will be different for me.  I am no longer in that house with my children on Tuesdays.  I am in a different home.  I will have the children the second half of the week.  

    So, this leaves me with some time on my hands. 

    I’ve been wanting to balance this blog with career-related information that I believe could help working mothers.   There is so much out there to think about and every now and then I come across something that I believe is REALLY useful.  Also, after 20+ years in the workforce, I feel like I have some perspectives to share of my own.  I also believe that there is a very strong overlap of skillset between being a mom and managing a job/career.   I noticed a sharp difference in HOW I worked after having children – some traits for the worse, but some for the better.  Sometimes managing down to your subordinates, up to your bosses, and across to your peers feels like managing a set of Toddlers…. I see the connections frequently, as I’m sure you must as well.

    So anyway, this is a test for us.   This may work out well, or it may not.  Who knows.  But I like trying new things.   Let’s see if this kind of post is useful or mildly interesting for people.  If so, I will continue.  If not, I will focus on weeding my backyard instead.  🙂

    ****

    The subject of telecommuting is something near and dear to my heart.  I have the very good fortune of working for a firm where its employees are out of the office most of the time for work anyway… yes, extensive travel is NOT a good thing for work/life balance HOWEVER working in this kind of environment has provided me the opportunity to begin the discussions with my employers about the possibility of my working remotely… carving out a portion of my working week where I can work from home.

    I am lucky that I work for a company that believes that “people on the go” can still be productive – this is what we’ve built our business on. But face-time is still important in this line of work as well.  Face time can be important when you need to work with teams.   Sometimes working face-to-face is more efficient – and yields much better results.  But, sometimes you have those “heads down” kinds of tasks where it actually is better to be alone – with less interuption – and more time to focus on what you need to get done.

    I believe that telecommuting/workshifting has been PARAMOUNT in my happiness; being able to feel productive at home with your work frees up your time, makes you feel more in control of your life, and simply enables you to be there more for your children when need be (e.g., volunteering, still working if your children are home sick, being able to cook a home-cooked traditional dinner on those days, etc.).

    So how was I able to negotiate this kind of working arrangement?   How did I begin?  How did I manage to sell the concept to my management?

    I do not know the answer 100%.   But I do know that my tenure there meant something.  That my value to the company was worth more than the risk of having me leave.   I approached the concept as a “test”; let’s see if this works for you, for me.  And I’ve worked VERY hard to make sure this arrangement is humming and that I’m not dropping the ball.  It has taken some time to refine, and there were some kinks that had to be worked out – for example checking email even when I’m not “on the clock” so I can respond to clients, communicating to EVERYONE when I am available and when I am not, making sure I am reachable, setting up a proper workspace in my home so that I can be productive….. there are many things that make this work for me.   And I could probably write more about this if people are interested.

    I also have one thing to share that I recently came across at TeleworkResearchNetwork.com:  Lister, Kate; http://TeleworkResearchNetwork.com, (2010), “”Telecommuting Benefits: The Bottom Line”.   

    http://www.teleworkresearchnetwork.com/wp-content/uploads/downloads/2012/03/Bottom-Line-on-Telework-in-the-US.pdf

    I thought that it was interesting how they decomposed the value of “workshifting” to the individual, the company, and society.  The website is also interesting and focuses on the topic of telecommuting.

    Maybe this could help you in discussing the potential with your own employer?   Maybe it could help you to paint the benefit that they could see from a workshifting arrangement?  

    Check it out and let me know what you think!

    Thanks for giving me the time to read this “experimental” post –

    – Mama K

    image sourced from: http://ecoeng49.blogspot.com/

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    June 18 (late): A botched routine

    June 19, 2012 by Leave a Comment

    I am writing this actually on Tuesday – last night I sat down after the day was over and wound up passing out on my couch – woke up at midnight and went to bed – so here I am, on public transportation, recapping from yesterday –

    Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

  • Woke up early; I had the kids with me today; this would be my first commute into the city from my new house and ALSO having to drop off the kids. So I wanted to start the day early.
  • I put on the shower but there was no hot water… no hot water… still no hot water. Hmmm. I investigated the hot water heater outside and the machine was foreign to me. I started to read the directions but most were covered up from the restraining bars to keep it in place. I figured out how to see if the pilotlight was lit. The problem was that the window was at a strange angle. So I used an eyeshadow compact and placed the compact strategically to see the window. Yes, the pilot light was out. OK. I can do this. I followed directions to light the pilot light. Again, and again, and again. Hmmm. This is a problem. I’m not sure if my new washingmachine from yesterday blew out my hot water heater. OK. Let’s move on. I just won’t shower today and will worry about this later.
  • I got ready for work sans shower. Red greeted me in my room with a HUGE smile on her face. Then in walked Twin Crazy, with her hair all over the place and a HUGE hidden smile on her face. I suggested we sit on the couch together, under the fuzzy blanket. We sat there cuddled up. And then Twin Husky walked slowly into the living room, long hair sticking up, smiling as he put his thumb in his mouth with this Tiger. He came up on the couch with us. I had 3 of the kids cuddled up on the couch with me just sitting there holding and cuddling each other. And me with no shower. So much for starting early and getting out early.
  • We said “good morning” to the Chicken who greeted us at our back sliding door.
  • I fed the 3 kids and got them dressed. Big Bro appeared fully dressed by himself and I got him some breakfast. I instructed all to get their shoes on and they were so good getting to the door and getting ready. Also getting all of their stuff together (backpacks, important toys). Red was wearing Twin Husky’s sneakers since co-parent forgot her shoes during drop-off. She was OK with that.
  • We got into the van, I had my coffee, and I also brought some breakfast bars and dry cereal for the kids for the long ride just in case. They were great. We talked about the cars. We saw an Egret and talked about that.
  • I dropped off Twin Crazy and Twin Husky with no problems. I said I would see them on Wednesday. They left AOK and I was AOK too.
  • I then dropped off Big Bro and Red at daycare. It is Big Bro’s first day at “camp” at Red’s daycare. He saw a friend so I am thankful that he at least knows someone. He wanted to drop off Red first. We dropped her off, hung up her bag. Her daycare teachers are so great and know the situation. I said that Daddy would pick her up today and Tuesday, and that I would see her on Wednesday. She had pursed lips like she was holding in a smile or other emotion. Her teacher was great. We also talked about if she ever needs to talk to me there are phones and the teacher said there are phones at school so if she wants to talk to me they can just give me a call. I left and her face was still squinched up but there were no tears.
  • I dropped of Big Bro with his friend, and they were playing dinosaur legos. I gave him a fist-pump (no hugs) and asked him to have fun and that I would see him on Wednesday. He seemed fine.
  • I got into the van, drove to the public transportation. Took the train into work. I was a bit late but that was OK.

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    Highlights of my working day:

  • I changed the date for one of the forums
  • I organized sales tracking info for one of the forums
  • I reviewed output from a recent client project as a takeaway for the primary interviews and potential business development
  • I talked for a long time with a colleague that is leaving the firm. She is such a good friend to me and I will miss her.
  • I left at 4:45 PM to get to a doctor’s appointment. It was a hard session for me. There are things happening with this divorce that seem so out of line. And there is nothing that I can do but just sit back and accept it, and go through the process, which is difficult for me to do.

    • Dinner and Bedtime:

  • I got home and tried to tinker with the pilot light of my water heater. I eventually gave up and went across the street to a neighbor who is a general contractor. He was not there but his wife was. I thanked her again for the birthday party they had for their daughter. We were there all day yesterday and it was great to feel so welcomed and at ease with them and their friends. He was at work but stopped by my house later.
  • We looked at the hot water heater and believe it or not, that little window was burning bright orange! My attempts to light the pilot light actually worked!!! I laughed and he was fine with the inconvenience. I think he is great.
  • I ate some cookies for dinner and drank water. I folded some clothes. I sat on the couch and PASSED OUT. I woke up at midnight and that was the end of my day.

    • So now I’m commuting on Tuesday AM and am actually enjoying myself. This is a nice ride. Very different from a subway in New York City. I had no problem with parking this morning ($1) and I have my frequent-transit card so am feeling like a real commuter. I will be at work earlier than normal today so am feeling good so far.

    Have a great day everyone –
    – Mama K

    Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

    Staying Sane: Celebrate the keepsakes of who you are

    June 17, 2012 by 1 Comment

    Sometimes with work the years go by and you don’t realize how many have passed. The same thing with being a mom… so busy, so little time, giving so much and feeling “selfless” you lose yourself. At least I know I did.

    I think it’s important to think back of the experiences you’ve had prior to being a mother. It’s all of these experiences that have brought you to who you are today. I’m a visual person. I am like this with work, with home… I think that’s why I love lists. Anyway, I digress….

    Being a visual person has also lead to a small collection of items from my travels over the years. I don’t mean rooms of stuff. I mean certain pieces of things that make memories flood back and make me feel like me. Like a photograph (which I also take a lot of, as you know), just looking at these things bring me back in time – and having the chance to pick them up and hold them and display them for all to see – what liberation.

    I’m in the process of divorce and recently moved into my own space. So, the memories are flooding back as I unpack my life that has been boxed up for so many years (different story, for another time… let’s just say that I’ve boxed up pieces of my life in storage and in a garage for the past 8+ years). It feels good to have these things in my hands again. It feels good to have these things on display again. It feels good to look around and see ME. It feels good to have parts of me out in the open again – not closed away, not shoved aside, out for all to see.

  • A mask from South Africa
  • A carving of a sun from Mexico
  • A steel bottle opener from Prague
  • A pottery vase from Portugal
  • A rug from Morocco which is now being used in my living room for the very first time! It is amazing! The colors all blend with what I have and it is PERFECT for this room!!!!
  • A small, small oil painting (2 inch by 3 inch) that I’ve had since a child – probably one of my oldest artifacts from my life
  • A teapot from London
  • A little toy from Switzerland that sounds like a cow’s moo when you turn it upside-down
  • Lots of prints/reproductions that I have yet to get back – I’m looking forward to their return

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    I’m feeling more myself. It is a terrible feeling to feel like your life has been swept away. I believe many working moms probably feel swept away many times. Like you’ve lost yourself. So maybe it’s the simple things you can do to remind yourself of who you are and what you’ve done to bring you to this point today. Hopefully you have small mementos from your past out in the open… not stuffed away in boxes somewhere. Celebrate who you are!!!

    What kinds of things represent parts of your life, parts of your past? Are they visible for you to see and enjoy?

    Have a great week everyone –
    – Mama K

    Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: , , , , , ,

    June 14 & 15: Settling in

    June 15, 2012 by Leave a Comment

    June 14:

    Thursday.  Big day.  Child custody evaluation, which was strange.  Outside of that, the day consisted of me with the kids but an evening alone, after dropping them off at co-parent’s house.

    Highlights:

    • We woke up to a chicken at our back door.  I think it was looking for breakfast.  There is no way we are going to start giving away food to this chicken.  I have enough mouths to feed.
    • Custody evaluation… strange.   I was myself.  What more can I do?
    • Afterwards, Twin Crazy and Twin Husky napped.  Big Bro and Red were exploring and creating art with sidewalk chalk and water.   They REALLY got into this activity.
    • Twin Crazy and Twin Husky woke up from their naps and explored the water and “sidewalk chalk soup”.
    • The kids from next door came over and it was fun watching them play; then the chicken came over which added more life to the party.
    • I drove the kids back to their dad’s.  It was a long ride.   Twin Crazy hates her car seat.  Big Bro and Red both fell asleep on the ride.
    • I felt exhausted on the ride home.  I made myself dinner.  A grilled ham and cheese sandwich and a beer.  I sat on my front “porch” on my rocking chair.  I tried to relax.   I felt better after filling my belly.   I decided to start my evening watering routine and then started to pull out some weeds.  It felt good to pull them out.   I discovered I have crab-grass.  Lots of it.  It is tough and takes a long time to really get at it by the root.  I decided to get my gardening tools out and gloves and proceeded to attack my ground of the crab-grass.   It took so long just to cover one little plot.  So I decided to boost my esteem by weeding some of the easier weeds.  That made me feel a bit better.   I wound up weeding until the sun went down.   My neighbors (with the chickens) also garden at night so I kindof felt good with the company, hearing them talk on the other side of the fence.   I weeded until my hands were raw.  I filled an entire wheelbarrel of weeds.  Digging into the earth.   Pulling each one out with the root.   I can’t believe how many weeds I have and how this feels like a never-ending project.   But I don’t mind it….. yet.
    • I showered and had the best sleep ever.

    June 15:

    Friday.   My day off.  But I didn’t have the kids today.  Today was co-parent’s Child Custody evaluation.  I decided to work a bit to keep my mind off of the divorce and also to get some real work done since this entire week was consumed by personal things.   It was difficult for me to work.   I did, but accomplished just a tiny bit.   The ADT security guy came and now my house is secure.  That feels good and it also felt good to have some company in the house while he was working.   After he left I tried to work more, talked to my mom and dad; I felt a bit down so took a nap.

    Afterwards I grabbed a snack and decided I needed to get out of the house and also accomplish something that needed to get done for the house.  I headed to Best Buy to set up Geek Squad installation of my TV and sound-system.  They will come on Sunday.   I don’t watch a lot of TV but am excited about getting it set up.  If everything is hooked up properly (which is why I outsourced it to Geeks), I will be able to hook up my iPod, iPhone, etc. and get my music through the system/surround sound too.  The TV is also Internet-enabled so I will be able to explore Pandora.  This is all new to me.  I’m excited about getting into music again.  It makes a big difference.

    So, I headed home feeling good.  I drove through the neighborhood and felt happy.   I ate dinner – another ham and cheese sandwich and a beer.   I told myself that I wouldn’t weed because my hand still hurts but I did anyway.  I talked to my chicken neighbors and asked about my wild raspberry plants.   I learned that the chickens love to eat weeds and I feed them.   I’m looking forward to introducing the kids to this new routine.   They will love the idea of picking weeds and then feeding the chickens.  I think Twin Crazy will actually explode with excitement.

    Afterwards I showered and decided to work on my Internet, and also my printer/fax/copier/scanner.   I realized I need a power surge strip.  I have too many cords.  That will be on my list for tomorrow, after the washer and dryer gets delivered and installed.

    My home is coming together.  I’m getting to know the neighbors more.  I enjoy the evenings outside and the warm air.  I don’t mind the weeding (for now).   I’m looking forward to tomorrow to get more of the house together, run some errands, and be reunited with the kids.   For some reason co-parent has a “work” event on Sunday so I will have the kids then.  On Father’s Day.   I hope Big Bro and Red are not upset about this.  I think they are too young but sometimes they surprise me.  

    Have a great weekend –

    – Mama K

    Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

    June 12: My last night

    June 12, 2012 by 4 Comments

    Chocolate Tuesday.  My last one at this house.  After this week, I will officially be living in my new home.   And my kids will need to deal with this divorce in a different way than they have experienced in the past.

    Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

    • I woke up on the couch, again.  I woke up and showered quickly.  I was going to be working from home today due to divorce-related meetings so there was no need to get dressed in work attire. 
    • Twin Crazy was excited about wearing tights.  So I helped her in them and helped her pick a dress.  She picked a halter-top number with butterflies and she looked ADORABLE.
    • The rest of the kids were in great moods as well because of Chocolate Tuesday.  My last……
    • Big Bro had to wear a white shirt for school today for special outside events so I found a “shark” shirt.  Twin Crazy was at first extremely scared of it (and we talked about those feelings) but then she had a change of heart and decided that she loved the shark and wanted to give it kisses.   She proceeded to get chocolate Nutella all over Big Bro’s shark shirt.
    • Drop offs were fine; I dropped off Red and she was in a reasonably good mood, but very clingy.

     

     

     

     

    Highlights of My Working Day:

    • I got in the car and loaded up more things and headed out to my house.  I needed to be there for a furniture delivery.   So I was busy cleaning up the floors and also getting my trash ready for trash night.  
    • In the meantime, I hooked up my modem so that I could get Internet access and be wireless.  No problems so far!
    • Macy’s came and gave me the red carpet treatment.  Then one of the chickens came by and the delivery guys (and me) were laughing.  I guess the Chicken does not see red carpets too often and was curious as to what was going on.
    • The living room furniture looks great; after the delivery I just sat there for a few moments and relaxed.  I mean REALLY relaxed.  I strangely felt at peace, despite how my life was being torn and the events that I needed to get ready for this week.   The house is coming together.  And it feels comfortable.  It feels good.   I feel good in it.
    • I quickly had to get ready to leave for an appointment related to the beginning of our Child Custody evaluation.  I can’t believe we are going through this – but we couldn’t agree with anything while we were married, why would I think that we would be able to agree to anything now.   It is terrible that 3rd parties are deciding on what is best for our family.   How can me and co-parent think so differently??!?!?!?!
    • On my way to my appointment I called the office and told them I’m just going to take the day off.  I got NOTHING done but a few emails – I can’t claim that I did any real work today.   The same will go for tomorrow.
    • The meeting was emotionally exhausting.  The same rehashing of events and feelings of lost dreams and disappointment.  
    • I got back to pick up the Twins; co-parent picked up Big Bro and Red.

     

     

    Dinner and Bedtime:

    • I cleaned up the last of my room while co-parent cooked dinner.  I had a lot of time with Twin Crazy, who was helping me sort through stuff to keep vs. stuff to throw away.  She seemed very needy tonight.  It must have been hard for her to see me packing up in this way.
    • I vacuumed up the room and the kids helped.
    • We ate pizza outside.  We ate cherries.  Twin Crazy sat on my lap the entire time.
    • Red sat on my lap next.   Both of my girls are needy tonight.
    • I played “wall ball” with Big Bro.  He had me cracking up with all of the lingo and terminology to this game.  I really had a good time and I’m glad he kept asking me to play with him.
    • We went inside and co-parent was watching TV with Big Bro and the Twins as I was packing up some things with Red.    Then there was an issue with the remote control and Twin Crazy accidently turned off the show that Big Bro was watching.  Big Bro of course had a tantrum and threw himself on the floor.  This scared Twin Crazy who came running over to me.
    • I drew some firetrucks with Red and Big Bro.
    • Upstairs, it was my night with Red and Big Bro.  Big Bro read us a book.  I talked with them about it being my last night here.  Big Bro cheered, saying that for now on we will get to spend more time at my house.   Red looked at me and said that she likes my house but does not like that it is far away.  My heart sank.  I can’t take too much more emotion right now.  She asked why did I pick that house even though its far away?   I picked it because of the schools.   To give my kids the opportunity to go to the best public schools in this area (and because of affordability, but I didn’t get into that with her).    I told her that her brain and the rest of the kids’ brains deserve the very best schools and they will be able to get them with that house.   Big Bro was an optimist and said that it just feels like the house is farther away than it really is because you have to get on a highway.  But the cars go fast so it really isn’t that long of a trip.   Ugggh.  My heart breaks again.

     

     

     

    So I kissed them goodnight and told them that I really enjoyed my last night with them in this house.  I then went to see Twin Crazy and Twin Husky and whispered my normal “I….. love….. you.     Sweet dreams.  Bye-bye.”  

    I went downstairs and headed to a neighbor’s house to close out the evening.  We talked about kids in general (they also have four) and laughed.   I enjoyed myself and will miss them.   But I already know they will be visiting and I have so many ideas of things to do with the eight kids… most of them involving weeds.   J

    I’ll be honest – I am so disappointed at how things have turned out for me and my family.  We moved into this house temporarily and I had such high hopes – I really felt like we were moving in the right direction as a family.   I was so hopeful.  And excited for our future.    I spent my marriage putting my family first above my own needs – and did this for so long that I eventually broke.  I have found much better balance now and am happier in a much different way; but this happiness has come with many trade-offs.   A significantly reduced standard of living.  The loss of a marriage and partnership.  The strain on the children, now and in the future.   And a future that is unknown.    But, all futures are unknown.   I am trying to do my best with the cards that have been dealt to me.   And I am hoping that things will work out for my family and that the children will be taken care of and given what they need. 

    I have another big day tomorrow and a bigger day on Thursday.   I’m going to hunker down now on the couch and finish this last day.   I’m feeling down and terribly disappointed; I’m hoping that tomorrow I will feel stronger.

    Til tomorrow –

    –          Mama K

    Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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