August 27: Big Bro’s first day of First grade!!!

August 27, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I wake up at 6:15 to quickly grab a shower before the kids wake up.  This is a BIG day.  For many reasons.  This is the first morning that I will be driving the children in early morning rush hour traffic to co-parent’s neighborhood for school and daycare.   This is the first day back after my mini “staycation” with the kids and my mom.   But most importantly, this is Big Bro’s FIRST day of school and FIRST day of FIRST grade!!!!

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

  • During my shower I faintly saw a 3 foot tall body through the textured glass.  It was Twin Husky, usually the first of the four kids to wake up.  He was standing there, smiling, thumb in mouth and Tiger tail in hand.  He was talking about how my closet door does not close (because there’s too much stuff in it) but how the bathroom door DOES close and he shows me.   How can kids be such conversationalists as soon as they wake up?
  • We whispered to each other so the other kids would be able to sleep as long as possible.  I had already set up the shoes for the kids the night before, and also organized Big Bro’s lunch, but this AM I also organized:  four piles of vitamins, an “on the road” breakfast (grapes and tortillas), four water bottles, Big Bro’s lunch in the lunchbox (along with a note from mommy), jackets.    I also promptly put on the kettle so I could brew my own luxury… Boden coffee.
  • The kids started to wake up.  Big Bro and Red were already dressed from the night before (they were very excited).  I just had to do diaper changes for the Twins since they would be dropped off to their old daycare in PJs.
  • The kids seemed ready to go and excited.  I prepared them for this morning.   They eagerly ate their vitamins.  Brushed teeth.   I helped zipper jackets.   I wet, combed, and put gel in Big Bro’s enormous head of hair.  And off we went.   I got the kids belted in the van, and then distributed their water bottles and breakfast.   We were off.   On the road.   In motion.   The kids not skipping a beat.
  • It took about 30  minutes of highway driving in rush hour traffic but it was moving and not bad at all.  We talked about the fog, how it hugged the trees ahead of us.   Twin Crazy was very talkative, as usual.   By the end of the ride, Red was asleep, and Twin Husky was close to it.   As we got closer Twin Husky started to cry.  He said he didn’t want to go to “school”.   He starts pre-school with Twin Crazy on Wednesday and we’ve been talking about that.  I guess he feels a little bit nervous.  How sweet.
  • Twin drop off was quick, efficient.
  • Red drop off was slower, a bit clingy.  She looked gorgeous in her new clothes and short hair.   I informed the teacher that she was having a hard morning so she took some extra time with Red as I was leaving.
  • Big Bro drop off.   I loved it.   We parked the car, and walked together to the school.  I talked about how proud I am of him.  How great First grade will be.  How pretty soon he will be reading so much more and learning so much about things.  How this is a big day for him.  How it might feel different compared to Kindergarten but he will have his friends there and his teacher will likely be very nice.   I told him that I was so happy to be walking there with him.  Just me and him – no one else.   And I asked him if I could hold his hand as we walked through the streets of a quiet neighborhood – since I knew he would not want to hold my hand as we got closer to the school.   I apologized for the long ride in the morning.  He said that he actually liked the long ride.    I was surprised by this and want to explore it further with him….  
  • We arrived and there were lots of families there with their kids.  Lots of smiles.   The pledge of allegiance was over and announcements were over, so it was time to go to the classrooms.   His teacher did not want the parents inside – so she greeted each child at the door and the parents said their goodbyes at the door.   Big Bro went in without a problem.  No tears.   I sneaked a peek into the classroom once he got seated, and caught him looking back towards the door to sneak a peek.   I did not want to cause a commotion and quickly left.  
  • I felt really good on the way to the car.   The kids were great this morning and the ride was manageable.  Now I just need to do some thinking of fast breakfasts that can be “on the go” that all will like.   This will be my new project.   Any suggestions Mamas?

 

Highlights of My Working Day:

  • I drove back home instead of going into the city, since I needed to be there to accept a furniture delivery.  I received my kitchen table today!   Yeah!!!
  • On the way home, I received some calls from potential clients related to the forums I am organizing.   I am inviting “guests” in hopes that they will see the value of the meeting and convert to paying members.   The Agenda is working as a sales tool.  It’s generating interest and I received two phone calls on my way home.
  • At home, the table arrived shortly after I did.   It looks big.   But I think it will work (it has too).   I was just used to open space, and now it is filled.   It is very “barnlike” which I love – it feels comfortable, low key, and functional for the space.   I can’t wait for the kids to see it and to have our first meal together.

  • I spent the day a bit in a daze.   Organizing meetings for tomorrow, handling some logistics.   Delegating some tasks. 

The Rest of the Day:

  • I decided to call a quits at 5-ish.
  • I pulled weeds, put the pool and slip-n-slide in the back of the house, and put some logs in my trash bin.
  • I left a message for Big Bro to call me when he got home.
  • I ate left over cheese and tomato salad for dinner.
  • I talked to Big Bro.  It was mostly me asking questions and him saying “yeah” but he sounded VERY happy.  I told him again how proud of him I was.  I asked him if he felt nervous at all and he said No.   We talked for more than 20 minutes which I thought good for a kid of six.   He was the most talkative about his lunch.  How I put in a napkin, a note, and chocolate cake.  I’ll pull more out of him when I see him.  I can’t wait.

So now I’m chilling out feeling good about the day; I miss the kids but they need their time with co-parent.  It is so quiet here without them.  The sun is setting and the crickets are chirping.  I will have a busy day of meetings tomorrow, but I am glad about that since I feel like I was in a daze today.  

My first born had his first day in First grade today.  And there were no tears.  And he was excited.  And he sounded so happy when I talked with him at the end of the day.    And this room is coming together – the kitchen table is finally here.  What a milestone.  Now it will really feel like a home.  

I am looking forward to watching True Blood on the DVR.   And getting an early night’s sleep.   This is shaping up to being a really good week, so far.

Til tomorrow –

– Mama K

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Staying Sane: “Staycation” with kids and Nana

August 26, 2012 by Leave a Comment

My life and standard of living has changed pretty dramatically over the course of the year.   In years past, the term “vacation” would have meant an early AM drive to the airport, headed to a far-away place.   Even when the kids entered the world, they did not hold me back.   Now however, I am essentially living paycheck to paycheck, and I also do not have the luxury of having the kids’ time in big blocks.  Except for last week.   From Tuesday night, August 21 through tomorrow AM, Aug 27 it is my time with the kids.   And my mom came out for a visit.

I’m feeling full now.  And happy.  The days were spent doing not that much of anything, but yet doing everything at the same time.   There were no destinations, no special restaurants, no special activities.  Just time together and gearing up for Big Bro’s first day of school, which is tomorrow.   I will be driving him in, and I am soooooo thankful for this change in routine to be able to share this day with him.

Highlights of the past week with Nana:

  • Waiting for Nana in the “park and call” and talking with the kids about their excitement about Nana’s visit.
  • Introducing “Cocoa” to Nana and having the kids show her how they take care of her.
  • Watching a movie and air-popping pop-corn and exploding with excitement and laughter.
  • Early morning sounds of footsteps and Twin Husky coming into our bed at 7 AM, each morning, like clockwork.  No words.  Just him, his Tiger, and him scurrying up on the bed, getting  under the covers.   So sweet.
  • Looking at the bus come for the neighborhood kids for their school (they started this week).  The bus comes to my driveway.   I am hoping the kids have the opportunity to take this bus next year.  Twin Husky was upset that he was not able to go on the bus.
  • Taking “Cocoa” to the vet because of her dry ear.  Watching the examination.  All kids watching and learning, intently.   Looking at the big doggies in the waiting room.
  • Me going to a “lunch meeting” at work and Nana taking care of all kids on her own.
  • Opening a box that arrived that was actually sent by Nana – filled with supplies for each of the kids’ desks, clothes, playdough, and outdoor fun gear….
  • Lots of playdough…. every day.
  • Going to a haircut appointment and deciding to take “my girls” with me; it was so cute to divide and conquer.  And for me to go out and have them watch me get a haircut (which I desperately needed)
  • Filling up our bird-feeder, and then waiting for the birds to come back; hearing birds singing wildly each morning and then counting the bluejays in the back yard.
  • Completing my project of putting deer netting around the final section of my garden.  Maybe now I’ll be able to see/eat a strawberry.
  • Slip-n-slide, blow up pool in our front yard.  Twin Husky going crazy and diving through the water.  Shivering.   Looking like a football player, only 3 feet tall.   Twin Crazy and Twin Husky fighting over a little tiny water shooter, and then Twin Crazy stomping off mad only to return with a HUGE, “Rambo” looking like water semi-automatic.   It was outrageously funny.   A neighborhood friend coming over for a bit after seeing the water slip-n-slide in our front yard from the street as he drove by with his father.
  • Putting together the rest of my blinds in my kitchen.   They look great.
  • Picnics for lunch, outside.
  • Going to Target with Big Bro and Red to do “back to school” shopping.
  • Nana making “icebox cake” with the kids, their little routine together.
  • Cleaning out my storage shed and moving in some file cabinets to make room in the house.
  • We jointly decided that Sunday would be a special “Chocolate Sunday” since that was the last day of vacation and since Nana would be leaving on that day.  Twin Husky remembered this fact this morning when he woke up.  It was the first thing he was talking about.

So, it really was many days of just “existing” but enjoying the time spent together and also apart.  It was a mixture of laughter, tantrums, and quiet time.  It was wonderful waking up to the kids for so many days in a row.  I will never tire of this.   I will never tire of the mornings waking up to the kids and their smiles and their funny words.  It was great to have my mom here.  To share this time with us in such a relaxed way; no plans, no schedules, just doing what we want to do.

Highlights of the Rest of Today:

  • After dropping off Nana, I decided to take the kids to a science museum at a local university.  They loved it.  It was a totally spontaneous trip but they were great.   We played with air and beachballs, balls on ramps, the kids worked together to build foam building structures, … , …, …    They had so much fun.
  • We had lunch, the Twins took naps.
  • Big Bro and Red went next door to play with their friends.
  • I did some more cleaning up around the house.  I did laundry.
  • The Twins woke up and I put on loud music and the three of us danced in the kitchen.
  • A friend came over for dinner and we had a HUGE pasta dinner with chocolate mousse cake afterwards.  We sang “Happy First day of First Grade” to the birthday song tune; The kids were great.
  • We had a photo shoot of the kids to celebrate Big Bro’s first day of first grade.
  • Red wrote out her alphabet letters but kept having a problem with the letter “K”.  I showed her a trick and she wound up doing the “K” perfectly and was very proud of her accomplishment for the entire alphabet, as was I.   Her creation made it to the “art wall” in our kitchen.
  • The kids all went to sleep without a problem.
  • I got myself ready for tomorrow morning…. I will be driving Big Bro to his first day of 1st grade, and also the kids to their daycares.  We will need to leave VERY early to get there on time.  I got the shoes ready, lunch is already made for Big Bro, and the ride is ready for the kids breakfast in the van on the way there.    Wish me luck.

I am sighing now because I feel like its the end but yet a new beginning.  Big Bro in first grade; I can’t believe it.  I wanted so much to be settled for our family for years before Big Bro made it to first grade… there was so much pressure leading up to this event…. and here we are.  Still in the same general location, but our family torn.   It really is amazing.

I feel happy though.   I am settled, but still not really.  So much to do to actually get settled (fence, yard, garden, etc. etc. etc.) but all the rest will just unfold.  There is no rush for anything.   No timeline for anything.   Just living.   Each day.   And I feel good with where I am now.   There is no resistance with anything anymore.  I feel good with the time that I get to spend with the kids.   I feel lucky that I have the time to focus on them when I do have time with them.   I feel good that they listen to me as their mother – we laugh together, but they listen and they are fun for me to be around.   I enjoy being with them.  Talking with them.  Watching them learn.  Watching them care for each other and for other things, like their rooms, Cocoa, the house – our home.

This was a great “staycation” and a vacation that has topped the charts in my mind.   I’m looking forward to many more to come.

Have a great week everybody –

– Mama K

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August 21: A working mother again!

August 21, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I spent the day in the office but bar-belled in the AM and in the PM with kid-related stuff – so for the first time in a very long time, I actually felt like a juggling, working mom today.

Highlights of My Morning and Commute:

  • I woke up later than usual for some reason.  I’m usually leaving my house at 7:15 but this is when I was just getting up.  Oh well.  I have a conference call at 8 AM so I’ll just have to take it from home or on the way to the train.
  • At around 7:45, I heard kids.  This is unusual.  I usually don’t hear kids this early.   Wait a minute, it is the first day of school for the kids in my neighborhood.  Wait a minute, their bus-stop is right at the foot of my driveway!   I ran outside, dressed but without make up, and took pictures of my neighbors and their kids waiting for the bus on their first day of school.  It was “Q”‘s first day of 1st grade.  Big Bro’s friend.  And “L” is going into 3rd grade, I think.   They were so proud of their brand-new clothes – sneakers, pants, shirt, jacket, backpack…. haircuts….. so much fun.  I remember the first days of school.  How much excitement it brings and also the jitters.
  • THEN THE BUS CAME!!!!   Right at my driveway!   I can’t believe it.  I was excited for my neighbor’s family, but inside I ached for my kids.  I wish they were able to experience this.  Hopefully they will, someday.  Their school year starts next week in co-parent’s neighborhood.
  • I ran inside in enough time to take my conference call (on mute) while finishing getting ready.   I drove to the train and sat in the car in the parking lot until the call was over.   When it finished up, I headed up to my commute.
  • I listened to music on the way in on the train.  Another first for me.

Highlights of the Working Day:

  • I continued to sell participation as Guests to many prospective members for the first forum coming up.
  • I had a conference call with a different prospective client for a different forum that I am trying to set up.  It was a great call.
  • I then got a text from co-parent saying that they were 2 hours away and on their way to my house.  Wait a minute!!!!   I did not know they were going to be that early.   I still have work to do!  I have some meetings I need to re-arrange!   I’m not quite ready to leave just yet!   Just another reminder to me at how bad the communication is between us.
  • I printed out materials quickly, packed up, and hauled ass out of the office — delegating some tasks on my way out, and connecting briefly with a Director on some points that we needed to talk about face-to-face.

The Rest of the Day:

  • It was so good to see the kids.   They were all so happy and in great moods.  They were coming back from a vacation with co-parent, and starting a vacation with me.
  • They brought in extra food and a huge watermelon which I proceeded to quickly scoop into balls for their snack.   What a hit.  The kids were having a blast.
  • While they were eating the snack, co-parent helped me to put up the rack to my set of vertical blinds in the kitchen.   This was extremely helpful.  There was no way I would have been able to do this on my own.   The rack would have been too difficult for me to maneuver on my own while installing it.  So, thanks to co-parent.  We have our ups and downs.
  • The kids had a great time riding bikes, checking out the chickens, investigating in the shed, pulling out (big) tennis rackets, hitting balls all over the place, and then EXERCISING.   Big Bro cracks me up.  He is a leader with the kids all the time.  He instructed them with a whistle that “Now its time to run”.  And they ran around the house.  “Now its time to drink”.  And they drank water.  “Now its time to play tennis”.  And they hit balls with their rackets.  Over and over again there was this drill-sargant leading the pack of kids to activity to activity.   They were laughing so hard, having a ball.
  • They ate like champs.  All food was gone, and I made A LOT.
  • Afterwards they played outside some more.  I was getting ready for trash night.  This is the first time I’m doing this with the kids, I thought to myself.  I broke down card-board boxes and they were busy stamping on the bubble wrap.  I bought more step-stools for them, a light-weight vacuum cleaner, and other items; great timing!
  • I cleaned up from dinner as the kids brushed teeth with their new stools.   Twin Crazy was very clingy and she chose to be with me while the kids were playing.
  • We had more fruit for dessert and then the kids were cranky for bed.
  • They got changed without a problem, we read without a problem, I scratched their backs without a problem, and I talked to Twin Crazy about the foxes and the animals outside and she told me that they are outside and not coming inside.  I said that I was going to be in the kitchen and she would be able to hear me so for her not to feel like she was alone.   This worked.
  • I cut up the rest of the watermelon, fed my compost tumbler with the rinds, cleaned up the floor of sticky watermelon juice, used the new vacuum  on the dust, and hung up the blinds.   The place is coming together.  Each week it looks more and more like a home.  I will have the kitchen table delivered next week which I am PUMPED about.

Now I’m at my home office desk, with the kids sound asleep.  I feel like I have work to do, but it is late.  I don’t know how I’m going to work my 4 hours tomorrow with 4 kids in the house.  We already lined up things to do.  See the neighbors off on the bus, feed the guinea pig lettuce, have the kids take turns using the vacuum, go food shopping, pick up Nana…..   whoa.  I might need to take the day off.  I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pull off four hours of real work, unless I get a jump on it tonight.  Or, not.

Til tomorrow,

– Mama K

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Random Thoughts: Helping a child feel at home in a different house

August 20, 2012 by 2 Comments

I am going to draw on my brother for inspiration for this post.  As my own family has been coming apart at its seams, his family is coming together.  He will soon be welcoming his son and the mother of this child into is home. I won’t go into details, but this reunion has been in the works for quite some time.  So long, that many, probably himself included, thought that this day would not happen.  But it is.   Their Visas are in-hand, and they will be traveling this upcoming weekend to join him in his home, for the very first time, and hopefully for good.

So of course my brother is now freaking out.  He is used to living on his own.  But now there will be a woman there as well, and a 4-year old son.   Imagine this situation from this child’s perspective.  Leaving a country that he has known all of his life, and coming to a new environment and having a new home thrust upon him.

My children actually experienced something similar to this, albeit much less severe.   But there were things I did to help them through the change.  Help them accept a new place as a new home.  Things to make them feel like they had their own space.  And some sense of control in a situation where they actually had no control.

So of course, when I heard this news, I started spewing out all of these ideas for my brother to think about.   Just ideas.  Thinking from his son’s perspective.  And helping my brother through his “deer in the headlights” look.

And these types of suggestions can actually relate to so many of our own audience… think about moving to a new house.  Or the arrival of a new sibling.   Or a new routine as a mother goes back to work.   Change can be scary for a child.  And there are things that we do as mothers to help children manage through these feelings of change and help them gain their sense of space and some control in their little lives.

Here are some of my suggestions to my brother, based upon my recent experiences with my own kids.  I’m sure that you can think of other ideas as well:

  • Have one of the lower kitchen pull-out drawers cleared out, so he can put his cups, plates, bowls, utensils in there and organized in a way that he likes.

  • Develop a “small” / “manageable” shopping list, and go to a place like Target to have him pick out: toothbrush holder, toothbrush and paste, bedsheets, bathtowel, bathmat
  • Have a set of bookshelves/stackable bins/ baskets set up for him to organize and put his “stuff” (e.g., cars, Legos, play animals, etc.)

  • Have a plastic container or backpack or something for his art supplies – crayons, markers, some notebooks, paper, stencils, etc.
  • Have him decorate his room with wall stickers

  • Get a fun night-light in a character that he loves (e.g., Cars, etc.)
  • Have a step stool ready that way he can easily reach lights, the toilet, etc.

  • Have supplies ready for a jacket hook and shoe bin for the closet.  Ask him where he would like to put the hook (left side? right side?  how high?)

And some of the things my brother can do in advance – get the gear ahead of time, and then have his son place the things in the home — things like step stools, plates, cups, etc.   Things where the “choice” is not in the look of the item, but really the placement of the item.   And again, I’m a big fan of Amazon.com so a lot of these things could be purchased in advance and simply delivered to his doorstep.  His son could open up the packages and have fun organizing his new things around the home.

There are probably lots more to add.  I think the key here is to give him as much control and choice as is possible; and also show him that he has his own dedicated space in the new home.   That they are working together with him to help him set up his space, to the extent that he lets them.  They are together in this, he is not alone, he has his things, and he has choices.

What are some other ideas that you can think of to help this child in his transition to his new home????  Please share…

Thanks for listening –

– Mama K

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Staying Sane: Rock out in the pit!!!

August 19, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I’ve missed several daily journals.  I apologize.    But something extraordinary happened last week.  I went to a concert.  A live concert.  With awesome, kick-ass bands.  And I made it down to the pit.  Real close.  At first, several rows away from the stage.  And then, I weasled my way into FIRST ROW.

I RAGED!   It was wonderful.   I was all by myself, but I think that made it even more fun.  I don’t think I would have been able to get as close if I were with others.

MOTLEY CRUE:

They played cool stuff; Tommy Lee was great.  Lead singer was a bit tired, raspy, sounded like he was in pain.  The one guitarist looked like he was dead.

 

 

KISS:

Way out cool.  Check out how close I am.  You can see the photographers and also the security guard (he does not look terribly imposing I must say).   I was pointing to Gene Simmons and he pointed back.  The Ace Frehely replacement guy threw me a pick (I still have it).    I was so close that I was getting hot from the fire on stage.  These guys are professional, professional, performers.   Hands down.   AWESOME TIME!!!!

So, I’ve decided that I must go to more concerts.  With great bands playing really loud music.   There is something about a live show.  There is something about the rush of being so close.   And being surrounded by people as jazzed up as you are.   I felt alive.  So worth the money!!!

Have a great week everybody –

– Mama K

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Gig Tips: Speak up at meetings

August 14, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I’m feeling tired tonight so I want to write something short, sweet, and to-the-point.

Have you ever been invited to a meeting with a small group of people and witnessed one person who literally did not add ANYTHING to the meeting?   No comments, no thoughts, no feedback, no voice, no nothing.   Let me tell you, this makes me and others in my company CRINGE.   Why was that person there?   Why was that person taking up that seat?   That person should have been doing something else instead of being at that damn meeting.

Image

image source:  http://jenniferfrahmcollaborations.x.iabc.com/files/2011/06/meeting.jpg

When invited to a meeting with certain objectives, it is important to understand what your role is in that meeting.   Are you there to vet an idea?  Is the person leading the meeting trying to gain consensus for a decision to move forward in some way?  Is it to participate in a debate of an idea?  Brainstorm?  Be informed?  Contribute thought leadership that others can learn from?   WHY ARE YOU THERE???

Once you know this, it is critical that you follow through and do your part.  Fulfill your end of the bargain.   You are an employee there because they see value in you.  They want your opinion, or at least your participation.   When I am in a meeting and I see a non-participant, I get seriously irritated.   Are they not paying attention?  Do they not care?   Is there nothing in that brain to help the cause?   Whatever the reason, it does not reflect well on that individual.

So ladies, be confident.  Be concise.  Be thoughtful.  And come prepared.  And when it is you and a group of individuals coming together to share precious time during the working day, do your best to move that meeting forward.   Speak your mind.  Contribute.   Earn that paycheck.   Be objective, be accurate, and honest.  Sure, sometimes the meetings are boring.  Sometimes they suck.   But we are all strong and we know how to get through painful situations (right, remember 9 months of pregnancy??!?!?)

But whatever you do, don’t text, don’t doodle, don’t look down, and don’t stay silent.

Our time is too limited during the day to waste our own time or to waste other people’s time.

That’s all for now –

– Mama K

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Random thoughts: using good judgment

August 13, 2012 by 2 Comments

As working mothers we hope that we are always using good judgment in the decisions that we make – and the implications to our family in the short and long term.

As you know, I’ve made some recent decisions in my own life that have forever changed how I lead my life – and these changes will obviously have an impact on me and the kids in the shorter as well as longer term. I can only hope that I used good judgment when I had the ability to make a choice.  For example, scaling back at work, settling in a new community, trying to right-side my life on my terms…. All difficult choices that, at the time, were based upon critical thinking and judgement on my beliefs, my personal experience from the past, and thoughts on the potential implications to myself and my family.

image source:  warren-walker.com
Think back at different decisions in your own life.  Looking back, when have you used good judegment ? Bad judgment?

I believe it is important to teach kids early the importance of using good judgment. Of recognizing when they are faced in a situation where there are choices that need to be thought through and decisions made. We need to help them along in this learning… Help them hone in on the skills needed for decision making and exercising good judgment. We cannot always be there for them.  And we will not always be making decisions for them. They need to learn this on their own. They need to practice this and be faced with life situations and experiences where they can develop these skills – experiences of success and of failure. In the midst of drugs and peer pressure and the overwhelming need to fit in, teaching the importance of using good judgment is just a necessity.

I remember several years back being at a campsite with a family with children older than our own. One of the children came over and asked their mother if it was ok to play with the fire with the s’mores sticks the way that the other kids were doing. I was amazed and taken back when her response was “I’m not going to tell you what to do. You use your own judgment as to what to do. You know the fire and the smoke and the length of the stick and you use your own judgment. Don’t look at the other kids to give you that judgment. They are standing in a different spot than you and they have different sticks so you need to use your own judgment.”

I loved this conversation with her child. I was not expecting it. I was expecting a “NO”.  I vowed to myself that this would be a lesson that I would teach the kids. And in those words and in that “matter-of-fact” way.

******
This past weekend we had a great time with a new blow-up pool that I bought from Target. It was over 90 degrees and it pissed me off knowing that this same pool would be on deep discount in 2 weeks time, but I digress. I also bought Target-brand aerosol sunscreen. I promise that this is important to the story.

Many neighborhood kids had the benefit of playing in this pool over the weekend…. In fact 3 different families… But I digress, yet again.

On Sunday, we had only one other child with us. So, it was relatively relaxing. All was great until I went inside to make pudding as a snack…. Instant pudding no less. So seriously, I was gone for literally 5 minutes and during that time I also checked in on them from my office window to make sure that everyone was safe.

I came back outside to see a pool filled with white murky water…

  • “What is this?”
  • “Sunscreen.”
  • “How did it get in here?”
  • “We sprayed it.”
  • “Are you kidding me???!?!?!? Who did this? Whose idea was this???? Does sunscreen belong in a pool???” … [Thinking to myself (*&^(*&^*(^)… )*(&^*&^(*&^)… ]

Needless to say, Big Bro was exiled to his room, the neighbor was sent home and instructed to tell his parents what happened, the pool was dumped out, pool time was over for ALL kids, and the blown up pool was shoved in my shed.

I let the rest of the day proceed with Big Bro in his room and the rest of the kids were angels, on purpose I believe.

Later that day, I brought all the kids together for a conversation. I talked about judgment and the importance of using good judgment. Big Bro asked “What us judgment?”  It’s the decisions you make in situations. It’s how you think things are going to happen if you make certain devious or do certain things or behave a certain way. For example, feeding Cocoa every day is using good judgment. Changing your clothes, underwear, and socks each day is good judgment. Eating lots of fruits and vegetables everyday is using good judgment.  But sometimes people, and kids, use bad judgment. Today, putting sunscreen in the pool was bad judgment. It is sooooooo important for each of you to try to use good judgment. And if you see someone using bad judgment around you, you have to speak up and say so.

Big Bro asked, “Well, what are we supposed to say?”

I told him that he can say that’s not ok. Or that he doesn’t think that’s a good idea. Or if it’s easier, just blame it on me “my mommy is going to be soooo mad”.

I looked at all the kids when I was explaining judgment. And looked at each of them when I described examples of good and bad judgment. And asked them if they understood. I think at 6, Big Bro gets it. I am not certain of Red, age 4. The 2 year old twins were there for completeness sake. I’m not sure they picked up on a thing. But sometimes Twin Crazy REALLY surprises me.

So that was the beginning of a life lesson on judgment. One that I will reinforce with each of them as time goes on. One that I myself and as an adult continuously question as well. Am I making decisions for myself and my family based upon good judgment? Is it truly good judgment or just what I believe to be good judgment? Am I rationalizing the choices I make or justifying them in any way?

I can point to PLENTY examples in my past where I KNOW I used poor judgment. Like the time I stole a Christmas tree from a college dorm lobby and shoved it in a shower stall.  Like the time I signed up for Debt Markets in my M.B.A. program, a course that I am convinced will never help me now or in the future.  Like the time I sold Starbucks stock in 1994 so I could earn a whooping $300 profit [ugggh, that one hurts].

But as time goes on, I like to think that I have more life experiences to draw from and inform decisions.  But I also know that 20 years from now (if I am lucky to have the opportunity 20 years from now), I will likely look back on my life in my 30s and 40s and question my judgment. This is part of living and life and growing. But it is important for me, for people, and for kids as little people, to understand and recognize that we have choices, our decisions have consequences, and it is important to try to use good judgment.

What situations have you faced with your kids on the value of using good judgment? How have you reinforced this concept? At what ages do kids really start to understand?

Thanks for listening –

– Mama K

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Staying Sane: Reviving dead bananas

August 12, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Let me pass on a trick that has saved me on many a hot afternoon… on many an after-dinner meltdown… on many times when the kids are bored, hungry, or all of the above.

Frozen bananas.

If your house is like mine, you buy bananas with the intension of eating them before they turn into black, wilting, melting messes on the countertop.  But ultimately, at least one winds up that way.   Yes, you have probably heard of making banana bread, or muffins, or something of the sort.

I am not much of a baker.   And I sometimes do not have patience to deal with the rotten mess and turn it into a Martha Stewart recipe.   But, I do have time to chuck the damn things into the freezer for a later day.

And then… when the kids are hot… when they are cranky and need a snack… or when you are thinking of an after-dinner healthy treat…. TAKE OUT THOSE BANANAS and make a smoothie out of them, OJ (or water, or milk) and any other fruit you are thinking.  Sometimes I add ice.  Sometimes I add other frozen fruit.   Simply delicious.

The best way I think is to peel the bananas first and then just put them in a ziplock bag for your freezer.  I’ve tried freezing them with skins (too difficult to peel when they are frozen) and also cutting them up before putting them in the bag (winds up with a big mashable frozen mess).

This weekend we had two kinds of smoothies:

  • frozen banana, ice, fresh strawberries, some water
  • “banana ice cream”:   frozen bananas, milk, ice — make thick so it has the consistency of soft-serve

And let me tell you.  What a hit.   And it was quiet in my house for at least 10 minutes while the kids enjoyed their black, wilting, smashable bananas in disguise.

Have a great week everyone –

– Mama K

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Aug 9 and 10 recap: SAHM in the summer

August 11, 2012 by Leave a Comment

It has been a busy two days for me so I collapsed into bed each night without a post.  I had the kids and wanted to take advantage of the summer time with them before school starts.   The school year for us will involve many highway trips in early morning rush-hour traffic so I wanted to enjoy this time with them on my days off before the school year begins.

Thursday, August 9:

  • We woke up to chickens.
  • Chocolate Thursday at Mommy’s house!   Red teased a chicken with her chocolate tortilla roll-up

  • We hit the road to get Big Bro’s backpack which we forgot a daycare the day prior.   I took the opportunity for us to introduce Twin Crazy and Twin Husky to their new daycare room when the “school year” starts.   Red showed Twin Crazy the potty (very small!  Very cute!) and they used it.   Red helped her wash her hands and showed her where the soap was and the paper towels and trash can.   Big Bro showed Twin Husky the kitchen set (Twin Husky loves playing kitchen) and they all experimented with the couches and the books.   They were having a great time.  We showed them the cubbies for their “stuff” as well as the hooks for their jackets.  Both indicated that they would like to come here for the day and play and learn.

  • From here, I was spontaneous and decided to take them on a train ride.  We talk about the trains all the time when we are commuting on the highway.  I talk about how I take that train to work and how it goes into the city to my office.   They have been asking about going on a train ride and going to my new office.  Big Bro and Red did not have the opportunity to see my new office and they wanted to see it.  So I called in advance and then we headed over.  IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!!  The kids were great.  We all stayed together.   We parked and remembered the number of the parking space. We paid for parking together and then we went through the turnstile and up the escalator to wait for the train.  On the train we stood up and looked outside and also had some time underground.  They were very brave.  And the older kids looked after the little kids.   I told them how many stops and when to get ready for the next stop.  THey were excellent and followed directions so well.

  • Along the street we had a long 5 blocks to walk, but again, we stuck together, held hands, went slowly.   It was lunchtime and there were lots of people walking about but all were generally good / patient with us.  I got a lot of comments.  I love going places with all of these kids.   I love being able to do things with them in tow.    Especially when they are so good and are able to take in so much.   We talked about the city, the big buildings, how people move fast, how we used to live here, the streets where I used to move the stroller with Big Bro and Red.

  • In the office we were surprised to learn that there was a birthday that day.  So they brought lunch in, and better yet, cupcakes.  That was a huge hit with the kids.   They were extremely talkative with my co-workers and very lively and funny.  Big Bro was showing off his Lego plane.  Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were busy playing/talking/fighting like twins.   Red was quiet, but cute – we talked about her “sibling haircut”.   Twin Husky asked my boss “do you have a penis?”.    He is on the boy/girl thing and yes, they talk about penis and vagina body parts all the time.  My boss (who is kidless and in his 60’s, about to retire), indicated “Yes, I do have a penis.”.  OMG.

  • The kids made it back AOK on the 5 block walk to the train station and on the ride back.

  • When we got home it was dress up time.  I tried to get the Twins down for a nap but it was impossible.

  • We headed next door to see the neighbors and the kittens.  They invited us over to the pool.  We gladly accepted.
  • At the pool the kids were having an amazing time.  My other neighbor showed up at the pool with beers and pizza so we made a night of it.  We met more friends of neighbors and more kids that are Big Bro’s age.  Nice kids.  They hit it off.  I love it here.  I gave big hugs to all when I left.  The folks were great going into the big pool with Big Bro and Red while I kept my eyes on Twin Crazy and Twin Husky.  Big Bro wants me to get the phone number for the new kid he met so he can continue to play with him.  He had a great time with him tonight.

  • We saw deer as the kids were getting ready for bed.  A mother and her baby.  The baby has gotten much bigger since we’ve seen it last.

  • The kids slept well.   (As did I).  It was a full day.

Friday, August 10:

  • We again woke up to chickens.
  • The kids did art activities while I straightened up the house a bit.   I started a lot of laundry.

  • After snack I took the kids to the playground.  A part of the playground where there is sand and a structure with a water pump and spouts and pipes.  The kids had a great time.  Big Bro was in his Batman costume.  Twin Husky was completely immersed in his building, pounding, scraping, water activity.   He was in his own world.  Twin Crazy had fun playing a little more conservatively than her brother.  But she loved the sand and the water.   Red was very apprehensive about the sand at first.  She didn’t like the feeling on her hands.  But once she got into it she loved it.  She was making me sand meatballs.

  • We headed home for lunch and naps.  Again, the Twins refused to nap.
  • We played outside in the blow up pool since it was so hot outside.   They were enjoying it but Big Bro was having a hard time.  He dumped the pool upside down.   I don’t know what his problem was but I sent him inside.  I set up the kids again, and then I went in to get Big Bro.  We sat on the rocking chair together, with him on my lap.  He was cranky at first but we had a conversation.   How I thought his behavior was not that friendly and if there was something wrong.   He wouldn’t answer.   We then just talked.   Talked about school, about how much fun that will be, about math, and science… and he told me he didn’t want to go to aftercare since you can’t bring your toys out.  So I told him that Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday there would be no aftercare.  I would pick him up from school and did he like that?   His face smiled.   And on Monday and Tuesday, we were going to see if he could go home with the Motley Crew (friends behind co-parent’s house).   He seemed much better then.  He was ready to play with his siblings again.

  • We played in the pool.   Red asked me to sit in the pool.   The kids were all pouring water on me and I was carrying on enjoying myself with them.  They were laughing.

  • I took the opportunity while Red’s hair was wet to actually try to cut it to even out the sibling haircut.   I think it looks OK.   She doesn’t seem to care.

Before you knew it, it was time to head to co-parent’s.   On the way, we drove by the parking lot where I park for my commute, and also the train station where I go on Mondays and Tuesdays.  The kids wanted to see that.

The kids were in good moods.  They had very active days and I had a lot of time to spend with them collectively and individually.

I went food shopping and bought gas and then headed home – doing these activities helps me to avoid the rush-hour commute traffic on the way back.   I was tired when I got back.  I played with Cocoa a bit.   Did some gardening/watering.   Did some work on my computer with photos.   Then called it a night.

I had an amazing two days with the kids.   I was able to get things done and also spend a lot of time with them.   They are feeling more and more comfortable here and I love it.

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

July 8: Back in the saddle again

August 8, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I’m feeling much better today.  Thank you to those that reached out.   Today was a great day.   The kids are here and the crickets are chirping outside and I’m sitting in my home office with new desks and computer and I’m feeling at ease.

Highlights of the Morning:

  • I woke up early and got ready for my “work at home” day.  Showered, made coffee, grabbed a box of cereal, and booted up in the office.   Did you ever notice how Safeway brands call their products?   The Safeway line of cereal modeled after “Life” is called “Live it Up”.   Isn’t this hysterical?    I have to check out other products.   I’m buying very frugally these days, can’t you tell??!?!?
  • I got a lot of work done today.   Started organizing our focus-group for our meeting in September, sent out planning status to our membership, did some admin items like billing.
  • I would step outside in the sunshine and stretch for a break.  Water the garden.  Look at the bluebirds flying.
  • I started working on a sales document for another forum I am building.  We have lunch meetings next week that this needs to be ready for and I also have a list of REAL contacts at potential members so I need this to get that part started.

The Afternoon:

  • I grabbed Cocoa and headed to the van.   I stopped at the pet store and they did nothing for me.   The last guinea pig had ringworm, with the symptoms of a dry ear.   And they took the animal back and brought it to their vet.   Cocoa, 2nd guinea pig, has a dry ear.  One person told me to bring her in.  I did.  Then the manager said they wouldn’t do anything since it was past 15 days.  But it was past 15 days with Batman, the first guinea pig.  There was nothing they would do.   I absolutely detest big chain animal stores.   I am officially anti-PetCo.   From here on out.   I have a sweet guinea pig that may have ringworm suffering from an itchy ear.   Ugh.
  • I headed to a gyno appointment in the city, with Cocoa in tow.  She sat in a cool, indoor parking garage while I was violated upstairs at the gyno.   Note the plastic model vaginas on the windowsill.

  • We headed to get the kids!
  • I decided to bring Cocoa into the daycare.  Red was excited to see me with Cocoa.  Her friends were excited and so were her “teachers”.   It was so sweet to see Red so nurturing.   She is wonderful with that little piggy.
  • Big Bro was also excited to see Cocoa but he wanted to hold her and pay attention to her away from his friends.  He had no interest in showing the piggy to his friends.
  • We picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky; they were busy riding tricycles.
  • We headed home and hit some traffic along the way.  Big Bro fell asleep first.  And then Red.   Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were wide awake.  We were talking about the sunshine, flags, trains, counting, smelling their feet.  They were both very talkative.
  • When we got back the box with Cocoa fell off of Big Bro’s sleeping lap.   Cocoa tumbled out along with her food and hay everywhere.  She hid under his seat but he was able to pry her out.

 

The Rest of the Night:

  • Big Bro threw a fit that we forgot his backpack at daycare.   I think Cocoa threw our routine off.
  • The rest of us went outside to clean Cocoa’s cage.  Big Bro came out when I asked him if he wanted to use the hose to hose down the bottom of the cage.
  • I started cooking dinner.  I decided that pasta stars were in order since Big Bro was upset, and rightfully so.
  • The rest of the kids were outside looking at the chickens.
  • The doorbell rang and it was the grandchildren of our chicken/farmer neighbors.  They had a huge bowl of cherry tomatoes for us.  I was thrilled.  The kids were adorable.   I walked them back to the front of the house so they could walk along the street to their grandmother, my neighbor.  I love this place.  3/4 of the kids were loving the tomatoes.
  • I asked Big Bro if he wanted to go get the mail for me.   He’s such a big guy.  He went without hesitation.
  • All kids ate like champs.   I couldn’t believe it.  All food was finished.  Even vegetables and fish.
  • Dessert was cherries and mango smoothie.
  • Big Bro, Red, and Twin Husky knocked next door to see if the kids would come out.  They were getting ready for bed.
  • The kids did some manicures with each other while I was cleaning up.
  • Then it was PJ, teeth, and book-time.   I’m getting each kid to pick out a book and meet me in the living room and I read to them all of the books all at once.  The great thing is the kids are all fast at picking out their books since the first one back gets to sit on my lap and read with me first.
  • Bedtime was AOK.  Twin Crazy was scared again of the dark, the kitty-cats, the foxes, the doggies.   I reassured her that the house was safe and she was safe.  She walked with me as I locked the doors and put on the house alarm.  She fell asleep soon thereafter.

 

 

It feels good to have them back over again.  Tantrums, tears, and everything else in between.   They are teasing each other a lot more now, but they are also playing together so well.  They look out for each other so well.  And the older ones, for the most part, are really good role models for the younger ones.

I’m feeling like myself again.  Thank goodness.   I’m ready to hit the sack.

Til tomorrow –

– Mama K

 

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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