Staying Sane: 41 ideas for yourself

August 14, 2011 by 7 Comments

Through my research of talking with other working mothers, reading email list boards, web surfing other mommy blogs, it becomes painfully clear that to maintain sanity and keep the balls in the air, you need to stop from time to time and take care of YOU, the juggler. It is so easy to get trapped into being 100% devoted to your first child — but when you re-enter the workforce after maternity leave, you very quickly realize that there isn’t enough of you to go around for child, for work – let alone yourself. I was one of those women over the past 5 years that essentially gave up on who I was as a person – I still tried to have EVERYTHING. I wanted the job/career, I wanted the kids – but mathematically that just can’t happen with just two goals let alone fitting some time for myself in there too. I’m sure you’ve heard all over the place that one way to give more happiness to your kids is to make sure YOU are happy, recharged, revitalized. Not a depleted, sorry mess. Which is easier said than done.

For the past 5 years I absolutely DID NOT take care of myself. I lost myself into my babies and my work — and the person I was before children essentially disappeared. I remember one time the wife of one of Hubby’s friends, who is a stay-at-home mom, told me that her husband carved out time to enable her to take TWO different art classes. She asked me if I’m able to do anything like this. I looked at her like she had three heads. I work full-time. At that time I had two small kids. NO I did NOT have time for an art class. I responded to her: “Um, I take a shower for 5 minutes each day but even then there’s usually a kid on the outside pounding to get in.” Hubby and I did not have date nights. The “girls nights” I used to organize just stopped. It became harder and harder for me to make my quarterly trips to the East Coast to “get back to my roots.” The problem was not that I didn’t have the time to do these things, it was that I was not ALLOWING or DEMANDING that I get the time to do these things. The result was that I lost the essence of the person I was before children. I became completely depleted and alone — feeling like I had no friends, no outlet, and that no part of my life was for me any longer. For this and other reasons, I felt lost and stuck in a very, very dark place. But then I dusted myself off and proclaimed that 2011 is the “Year of [Mama K]”.

Since it was the Year of Mama K and since I’m a woman of extremes, I went a little crazy focusing on ME. After years of pent-up self-deprevation, I suddenly went hog-wild on anything related to ME, MYSELF, or I. It was actually a lot of fun during the process.

  • I purged my entire closet and donated about 9 garbage bags of dated, old clothes
  • I proceeded to buy beyond belief via online shopping with Amazon.com. Seriously, I think I became one of their top-tier customers overnight. I started with shoes. I must have purchased 9 pairs of high, high heels – ranging from silvery numbers to gold-tone crystally numbers, to commutable flat shoes, to various boots, to leopard stilettos, to new Tevas and it just goes on and on.

These a just a few of my new purchases for ME

  • I then went to shirts, dresses, belts, bags, costume jewelry…. I enlisted the help of friends who said my wardrobe MUST contain designer jeans (who honestly pays $250 for a pair of jeans??) and a trench coat so I still need to get them. I also need to physically go shopping for pants (I cannot do that online). I’m about 60% complete with replacing my entire wardrobe. Just in time for a NEW season! HA!!!!!!
  • Massages — yes I got them, I think 3 of them so far in the past 4 months.
  • Online make up — with COLOR versus my standard natural palate. Check out Bare Essentials – I love that stuff now. I decided to expand beyond my natural palette and experimented with blues, purples, and smokey gray/black shades. Love it.
  • Nails, pedicure, lotions, bubble baths. I also bought a Clarisonic for deep cleaning my face. I’m also big on at-home mud masks.
  • A trip to Florida to see my dad was my most extravagant splurge. I just needed to re-charge. I took Twin Crazy with me. I had not been to his house in 4 1/2 years which I think is pathetic.
  • I’ve been meeting friends for lunches and dinners. I try to do this at least every other week. I tend to drink during these meetings and get tipsy over just 1 drink! One night I got so drunk that I had to leave my car in the city and a friend had to drive me home — she literally went 45 minutes out of her way to do this for me. [Thank you Mama HJ]
  • Starting this blog I think is another way for me to talk about me. It’s still focused on work and my kids, but it helps me to use this outlet to describe how I feel and what is going through my head. Plus NOBODY tells me what to do. I control this project all on my own. I ask advice but I’m the one that owns this baby.

So essentially, I went COMPLETELY overboard. Even people at work know that this is the Year of Mama K — since I’m showing off all of my new outfits and there are Amazon boxes all over the place. I realize though that I cannot keep up the spending spree, although it was gloriously fun. Since I’m already on a roll with “Year of Mama K” and thinking selfishly, I decided to keep the momentum going and started to brainstorm some simpler things to be good to myself WITHOUT breaking the bank. I worked on this until I hit #41 as a goal (my age). You may enjoy some of these as well…

  1. EXERCISE — moms are continuously talking/writing about this. Start out slow. Go for a walk just to breath and let your mind wander. Build up to a stronger workout when ready. Either alone or with kids (walking, riding bikes, hiking). Try DVDs like Pilates, Yoga. Try walking or exercising on your lunch hour. Rotate evenings with your partner so each of you can have time to exercise.
  2. CONNECT WITH PEOPLE. Use commuting time to call friends to say hello. Try to reconnect with one “lost” friend every month.
  3. Home spa: Facials, mud-masks, exfoliate! Foamy bubble baths! Make a weekly ritual.
  4. go out a grab a fancy coffee — one with a really long name that is preferably high-calorie
  5. read a book (not child-related)
  6. subscribe to a magazine on a topic that only I will enjoy
  7. meditate, deep breathing
  8. sleep; ask Hubby for one weekend morning OFF from kid-duty to allow for extended sleep. [maybe make this a ritual and trade-off – one take Sat morning and the other take Sun morning]
  9. take a nap
  10. eat consistently – don’t skip meals
  11. Take vitamins
  12. plant flowers; grow some herbs
  13. Get a new haircut. From an upscale place you have not been to before. Maybe get adventurous and do some color too!
  14. Go to a wine/beer store and pick something out that looks exotic and fun that was NEVER had before. Crack it/them open with Hubby or friends
  15. Take a walk to nowhere
  16. Take a drive to nowhere on a sunny day. Roll down your windows. Blast music. Sing loudly.
  17. Take a ferry ride to nowhere
  18. Take a train to nowhere
  19. Download music and create a folder/ playlist only for my favorites. Make a point to LISTEN to this music on a daily basis – with or without the family
  20. take 15 minutes every day or so to lay or sit in the sun — soak in that vitamin D.
  21. Find a hobby and spend short bursts of time routinely to cultivate it. Pick an instrument and learn to play it. Experiment with painting/watercolor. Learn to knit. Learn to sew. Learn a different language.
  22. take a short weekend getaway by yourself, with hubby, or some friends
  23. do a “girls only” vacation
  24. rent a hotel room for a night in the neighborhood — either alone, with hubby, or a girlfriend. Enjoy the fresh sheets, use all the towels that they offer, throw them all over the place, and take home the lotions and shampoos. Use the indoor pool, exercise room, hot-tub. Or not.
  25. go to a park and have a picnic. Drink a beer. Lay down under a tree and take a nap.
  26. go to the library alone and sit down with a book
  27. buy some fun hair accessories – clips, bands, fun pony-tail bands, barettes
  28. buy a SOFT pair of pajamas
  29. get a pair of new slippers
  30. buy new / comfortable yet sexy underwear and bras
  31. Go dancing. Or dance in the house with the kids
  32. Have a Guinness (or many)
  33. Get engrossed in a HBO series (I love True Blood, Treme)
  34. Eat a chocolate sundae with extra fudge
  35. Make yourself a nice tea, in a BIG teacup — buy a teapot where you have the strainer and real tea leaves
  36. Get a water fountain over stone set up — very “zen-like”
  37. Use a sound machine and pretend you’re at the beach! Or in a Rainforest!
  38. Wake up before ANYONE else does and go for a walk
  39. Write a blog entry; surf the net, comment on interesting blogs
  40. Get a Wii with dancing, etc.
  41. Explore a new part of your neighborhood. Discover streams, trees, and houses you never were aware of

We owe it to ourselves to get back some of our “old” selves and also allow ourselves the opportunity and time to get to know our “newer” selves. As new moms and working moms in particular, we are always transforming and changing…. trying to figure things out — we need time to devote to ourselves to allow us to recharge and find ourselves. I can’t joke or pretend that any of the above will bring true happiness, but I do think that allowing myself time for ME on a consistent basis will at least help me feel happier, more connected with who I am, let me know the person I have become/am becoming, and possibly/ HOPEFULLY help to balance work/kids/life…. just by demanding some more of ME.

Please help me!!!! Let’s start a MOVEMENT here!!!! Think about more things to do just for YOU!!!! What do you do for you? What would you LIKE to do to reconnect with your old or newer self? Please do two things for me: 1) comment to this post and add your ideas — and keep the numbering going (e.g., first commenter please start at #42…. ) and 2) Please pass this along to others.

How many new ideas can we realistically brainstorm???? Can we get to 500? 1,000? More???? I think so.

And then make a promise to yourself to fulfill the ones that interest you. You deserve it, your family deserves it, your kids deserve it.

HAVE FUN!!!!!

Looking forward to hearing responses —

– Mama K

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August 12: Taking my crew on the ferry

August 12, 2011 by Leave a Comment

I decided to work from home today since I went out-of-town yesterday, and I have my work computer with me.   This changed things up a bit:

Morning and Commute:

  • Red remembered about my promise of going to Big Bro’s school on a day when I work from home.    When she found out I was working from home today, she started to get excited and slowly started to communicate the change in routine.   I was patient with her and let her finish her thoughts…..”Mommy… you work from home today?   So [Twin Husky], [Twin Crazy] and me go to [Big Bro] school?    And we look at Daddy go on Ferry?”    “Yes sweetie.  We can do that if you want.”   She was excited.
  • Big Bro was still sleeping hard because there was a pee-pee accident last night.   He downed 3 glasses of milk before bed — poor kid.   Accidents happen.   Because of this we let him sleep a bit longer – we also had more time since we didn’t need to make the drop offs before the ferry left.
  • I got four sets of clothes ready for the day; changed everyone, got on shoes, everyone’s excited.
  • We get the kids in the car and drive to the ferry station.  The kids go wild when they see the boat.  I get reprimanded by a “rent a cop” that I’m blocking the way where I am parked.   “Come on man, I got four kids that are excited to see their daddy get on the Ferry.”   No luck.  I loop around and find another spot, less conspicuous.   The ferry sounds its horn and begins to back up.  Smoke fills the sky.  Twin Crazy says “hot”.   Twins are pointing to the boat.   We all wave bye-bye to daddy.
  • We all drop off Big Bro.   All kids go onto sidewalk and hold hands.    Big Bro wants to get dropped off in privacy so I set up the other kids in the “community play room” and drop of Big Bro solo.  He appreciates this.
  • I play with the Twins and Red at the daycare center for about 45 min.  They loved it – legos, baby dolls, doll house — we received a lot of attention.   We want to send Red here in September although it will be much more expensive for us.
  • OK time to go!   On the way out I see some legos in little hands so we go back and put everything back.  Twin Husky was not a fan of this but he soon got over it.
  • Drop off at daycare went fine.   They all looked a little tired and maybe needed a snack.
  • I’m back at home and will start my day – I will need to finish the proposal and send out to the client by end of business tonight; I would also like to start on the “best practices” deck as the hand-out to those people we interviewed during the last project as a “thank you”.  It should be easy to do.   I already know how I’m going to set it up.
Highlights of my Working Day:
  • Ate a yogurt; set up for the day in my home-office.  This included my iPad, my work computer, and the Apple home computer.  I also had my cell phone nearby and my home phone.   It looks like I’m a day-trader.
  • Wrote commentary on my morning, since I did not have a commute trip this morning
  • Discussed status of proposal with two Directors.  Made some last changes and I sent out to the client.   I at least know that he read my email because I received a “read receipt”.  Hopefully we’ll hear something back soon.
  • 1:30 PM:  Went out to lunch by myself and brought my iPad.   Wrote a piece that I will post on Sunday night.
  • Started and finished the Best Practices document that we can send to interviewees from our last project.   I think it’s ready to go but I sent it to a Director for comments/feedback.
  • I plan to wrap up early today….   get the kids, head to the ferry, and meet Hubby in the city for dinner.   If we leave early enough we’ll all be able to make the 7:30 Ferry from the city back home.   Kids are free on the ferry on Fridays.   They absolutely love it.
  • OK, gotta run and get myself ready and also pack a bag for the kids!    Some PJs, diapers, 4 small cars for entertainment at the table.
Dinner and Bedtime:
  • I picked up Big Bro and told him that we were going on a ferry and we both started running to the van
  • I picked up the rest and told them the same thing — -“Daddy… daddy…. boat….”   How cute.
  • Got to ferry parking lot in plenty of time — they looked so cute and anxious waiting for the boat.    They went nuts when it arrived.

My crew waiting for the ferry to grab dinner with Daddy

  • They were great on the ferry — standing up on the cushion seats looking out onto the water.   We were in the front of the boat so they had a great view of the city.   They were great.   Red gave the ticket to the ferry guy.
  • We met hubby and headed out for Mexican food — rice, beans, chicken, enchiladas, quesadillas, and BEERS.   All kids ate well.   Twin Husky sat in a booster seat while Twin Crazy was in a high chair.   We had a great time.   The kids were so well-behaved.
  • We walked a bit — Big Bro and Red pushing the stroller.   Twin Husky was mellow and Twin Crazy was going nuts jumping back and forth in her seat and laughing and cackling.
  • We shared two cookies from Subway since all the ice-cream stores were closed.   Big Bro took control of the water cup and all kids shared their water.   So cute.
  • Ferry ride back was fun; all kids tired.
  • As soon as we made it back the toddlers went upstairs.   I got milk for all; quick routine for Twins and they were out.   Quick routine for the big guys and I think they’re sleeping.
IT WAS AN EXCELLENT DAY….   felt productive at work and I had A LOT of quality time with the kids.   I absolutely LOVED today.
Going to watch a movie now with hubby –
Till Monday –
– Mama K
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August 11: Flying high and evening reunion

August 11, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Today will be a very unusual day in our household.   I am taking a day-trip flight to present our findings and recommendations to a client audience of 15 people including the Senior EVP.   This means that I had little to no time with my kids this AM – only Red was awake (sortof) when I left the house…and hubby had to do the morning routine and get 4 kids out all on his own…

Highlights of the Morning and “Commute”

  • I woke up much earlier than normal.   Showered, and ran downstairs to make some instant coffee.  I got dressed in a dress and black blazer, and actually blow dried my hair to make it more presentable.
  • Red woke up during this time.   She is always the early riser of the bunch.   She was a bit cranky.
  • Big Bro last night asked me to leave him a note with the names of the games on my iPad – I downloaded some and then wrote the note as I promised.   So I left the note for him by his bed.  I also left a note for Red – “I ♥ you   – Mommy”
  • Since she was cranky we went back into her room to find her note.   I sat with her and read it to her and told her Big Bro received a note so I HAD to leave a note for her too.   She looked at me and started to smile – still holding it in but then jumped on my lap and gave me the biggest hug.    That made my morning and the feeling will help me through the morning since I didn’t have time with my other children.
  • The ride to the airport was easy – we live very close.  I parked in the hourly parking lot.
  • Got the ticket at the kiosk – business select – breezed through security
  • Grabbed fruit, yogurt, coffee, and juice – the best breakfast ever.   I ACTUALLY ATE!!!    AND I DIDN’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANYONE EXCEPT FOR MYSELF!!!
  • Make up in bathroom (this I guess was part of my usual routine — but there was lots more counter-space and lots more light)
  • Now on flight.   And its quiet!   I don’t have any kids jumping around or trying to run down the isles or looking behind or kicking the seat in front or needing an activity or complaining that they are hungry/thirsty/tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • However, I do need to prepare for a major presentation I will give 3 hours from now.
  • Text from Hubby:   “Everyone was in a bad mood.   [Red] crying and not eating.  Twins fighting over yogurt…. spilling all over.   Dad exhausted and heading into long day.  [Big Bro] was sleeping in and ok.”
  • And another coffee on flight… my third…. yes I’m flying high at this point
Highlights of my Working Day:
  • Met up with Director and grabbed a taxi to the client.
  • Looked through presentation and made some last notes to myself for talking points.
  • Met with client 1/2 hour before the meeting so she could give last minute guidance; also sold the concept of another project to her and she is excited and completely on board.  She needs to coordinate with some others in the organization but it looks like we can add them to our list of interested participants in the study we are jointly conducting with our partner.   YEAH!!!
  • Had a 1 hour presentation where we presented some very sensitive material.   I tactfully handled areas of sensitivity that I knew of, however there was a person on the phone who was not part of the process at all and was extremely defensive.   We were challenged by him since 1) we tried to include him in our previous interviews/discussions but he sent a proxy instead — so he was working with us on the first time with a lot of these issues; and 2) he was on the phone and not face-to-face.   Face to face with these kinds of meetings is so much better so you can establish actual connections to the people.   In the end though the leadership gave us high accolades, again, so we felt good about the work.
  • At this point it’s 1:30 — grab taxi to airport.   We’re at different terminals, so I’m on my own.  Go thru security, I’m starved…
  • Grab lunch — pizza, and a BIG heffeweisen beer.   I’m psyched.    During lunch/beer I start writing the proposal that is due this week.   I actually made a lot of progress and then realized my flight was boarding so quickly closed down and ran to the gate

Work and beer go together wonderfully

  • Continued the proposal on the plane; talked business with the guy next to me — he had some ideas for this Blog so I am grateful for meeting him.
  • Grabbed another beer — the day is getting better and better.
  • Grab car – head home.   I go to ferry station to drop off the Audi and pick up the mini-van.
  • Head home and continue to work on the proposal for another hour.   Get it to a point where I can email to a Director on East Coast so he will look at it and then give me his feedback (he is 3 hours ahead of me which works well).
  • Talk to Hubby.   The plan is for me to pick up the kids and get to the ferry station in time for them to see the boat arrive.   I’m on my way!!!
Dinner and Bedtime:
  • Pick up kids — WHAT A REUNION.    I did not see them a lot the previous night, and definitely didn’t see them in the morning.  So this was fun.  Big Bro was talking about the note I left for him.  He likes it and said he’s always going to keep it.   I have to write him more notes [feeling guilty…]
  • Red was wearing her pajamas from the night before – I guess Hubby had a hard time dressing her this AM.    Then I notice that Big Bro is wearing the same shirt as yesterday (that he also slept in).   I’m wondering if he at least changed his underwear and socks?   Oh well.
  • Ferry came in and all kids were fixated on the boat, and seeing Daddy.
  • At home with everyone!    I played with kids; tickled, hugged, laughed, ran, I love the reunions.
  • Red needed to pee and wanted privacy; Twin Crazy was running around; Big Bro was playing with a beach-ball “globe”; Twin Husky was cranky — wanting Daddy and his doggie blanket.
  • Dinner went great; Big Bro ate like a champ.   Hubby brought out mangos which were a hit
  • Afterwards we played – animals, balls, cars — and the kids all helped putting toys away
  • All kids went to sleep quickly
So, it was an unusual travel day with significant work presentations… hubby had to pick up the slack in the AM for me to be able to even do any of this.    The kids looked good and healthy – they were a bit smelly from old clothes but that is the least of my concerns.   We were happy to be back together and getting back into our normal routine together.
All in all a very good day –
Till tomorrow,
– Mama K
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Recipe: Carmella’s Ice-Box “Cake”

August 11, 2011 by 1 Comment

This is an oldie but goodie. My grandmother, Carmella Pellulo (recently passed away in 2010) created this and it is now going on 4 generations!!!!    This dessert is so unbelievably easy it is a crime not to share! It sometimes looks like slop when you put it on the plate but trust me your kids will love it and it is a good option for a dessert.   This is also something that the kids can help with — mixing pudding, making the layers, placing the cherries.   So, I suppose this recipe was created by “Mama C” (thanks Nana) from Philadelphia, PA and submitted by Mama L from Bensalem, PA.

Carmella’s Ice-Box “Cake”

Ingredients:

  • graham crackers
  • vanilla and chocolate pudding (instant or cooked; I like cooked better but either is fine) Note: for a 13X9 pan, you will likely need two boxes of each flavor
  • maraschino cherries (optional)

Instructions:

Cook/mix pudding (keep the flavors separate). Line a casserole dish with graham crackers, and then make layers with pudding (alternating the flavors) until the top layer is pudding. Crush graham crackers and dust the top layer, then dot with maraschino cherries. Keep refrigerated – it gets better the longer it is stored in advance of serving.

Prep time: 5 min

Cook time and assemble time: 10 – 20 minutes

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August 10: A bag with a computer, presentations, high heels, baguette, package of cheese and chutney

August 10, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

 

  • While getting ready i heard Red crying; she was in one of those moods where she just laid there in a ball crying, and didn’t tell me what was wrong.  I try to be patient but it is hard.   What is it sweetie?   Why are you upset?  Did you have a good night sleep?   What can I do to make it better?   She was handling her loosened pony-tail.   Is it your hair?   do you want met to fix that for you?   Still no answer.   Twin Crazy came into the room and pointed to Red, “talking” in her baby talk and me responding “Yes, Red is upset.  She is sad.”   Twin Crazy is very empathetic and she gets it when someone is upset.  I have an idea.   Can you help me with my lotions?   She helped hold the bottles as I got my face cream and eye cream on.  That seemed to help.
  • Twin Crazy came in with two toothbrushes and was saying “brush”.  She loves to brush her teeth.
  • I still couldn’t find my brush since Twin Crazy took it downstairs yesterday and it never made its way back upstairs.   So Red, Twin Crazy and I went downstairs.
  • I fixed Red’s hair in a pony-tail and I asked her to tell me how Daycare does it.   She directed me with water first, then brush, then put in pony-tail.   So I told her that I was going to follow her directions exactly as she told me.   She seemed VERY happy from that point on.
  • Finding clothes was a bit of an issue this AM since we have 6 loads of unfolded laundry in our back bedroom.  I had to do some searching.   I came out with jeans for Big Bro but he wanted shorts so I asked him to go and look for some.  He got overwhelmed with the back bedroom but then I found him fishing for some in the dryer.  He was successful and found a pair of his favorite shorts.
  • I then diapered the Twins, talked to them.   Twin Crazy was reading a book.   Twin Husky was playful and I asked him if I could kiss his belly.   They are so sweet.
  • OK!   Time to get in the car!!!    I pack up the bag with their jackets and shoes.   Big Bro finds some books to bring to school.   Both drop-offs went wonderfully.

We are on the ferry now, it is grey but the water is flat.  Some people are chatting with each other but many are reading books or listing to music.  I wonder what they do for work.  I wonder what their situations are with kids – do they have any and at what ages?   I feel so old to be having these kids so young.  We see some of these faces at daycare in the mornings but for some reason we mind our own business.  This is a nice way to commute, probably one that cannot get any better.

 

Today at work I am going to be hustling:

  • I have to get the presentation complete for our huge meeting tomorrow
  • I need to confirm objectives for potential project so I can start that proposal
  • I will have a face-to-face meeting with an old client who will give us some insight on potential business opportunities and guidance for 2 proposals under consideration so they do not die.

So – it will be a busy day for me.  I will again need to hit the ground running.  I wish we had a good bagel place by our office.

 

Highlights of my Working Day:

  • got myself ready in the ladies room – make up and hair
  • grabbed tea, water, and an entire box of fig newtons.  This was my breakfast.  I need to get better at this – I need to start bringing in something healthy to eat – yogurt, fruit, or something.   This is getting ridiculous.
  • worked on the presentation that I will deliver to the “expanded” client team, tomorrow.  The content is there, it just needs to be repackaged for this new audience.   I received feedback from our client as to what to include, so I hit the ground and attacked the presentation.   It was in great shape for Director review; very few edits.   We went to press with it and then sent it to the client for them to print on their end.  Tomorrow’s meeting makes me a bit nervous since we may have some push-back from people – especially if they are on the defensive.   But the Senior EVP will be in the meeting too so hopefully that will keep the meeting tame.
  • sent out a draft of project objectives and key questions for a proposal due this week; once potential client confirms, I will be able to write the proposal.  I will likely write it on the plane tomorrow if I receive feedback from him early enough.
  • joined a business lunch that was rushed but got chicken parmesan so that made up for my shitty breakfast.
  •  went to face-to-face meeting with an old client – he is moving on to another company so this was really to catch up with him and also gain his help in understanding who we can contact within the company for work and also follow up on status of two outstanding proposals to them.   On the way back from the meeting the Director and I talked through a go-to-market plan for this client/organization on who we should be talking with; we are going to start setting up meetings to do this; i love this kind of stuff – being more client facing versus managing a team to get the work done – project management is fine when the team is dependable but it is really hard when they are not – then the work falls on you and I just don’t have the time available to deliver a team’s worth of work myself – I only have a limited number of hours in the day and fewer than what most consultants are able to do.
  • picked up the presentation materials, packed up my computer.   I’m now headed to an appointment so I have all sorts of things with me; iPad, computer, presentations, my high-heel shoes,etc.   I sort of look like a bag lady but with too much technology.

 

Commute Home:

During Wednesday nights I have these appointments so Hubby holds down the fort and we now have a NEW mother’s helper so I don’t feel guilty.    If I’m lucky,  I will be able to see Red and Big Bro off to bed, and only if they are dragging out their teeth, PJs, and book routine.   So I’ll think of them now and miss them.   Wednesday nights are hard for me for so many reasons.
4:45 PM:  NOTE:  There is a woman on the train who is bouncing her baby too much.   he’s in a baby Bjorn but she is honestly physically comforting him too much.   She must be a new mom.   She does not realize that she is creating a spoiled child who will not be able to soothe himself – creating a being who will be dependent on her for his satisfaction.   What the hell is she doing?  She’s bouncing all over the place and hopping.   I know I did this with my first, but by 3 and 4, you know better and I want to tell this woman to stop it but I know I can’t.  There she goes again, bouncing all over the place.   Even though the kid does not need to be bounced now.   STOP IT PLEASE YOU ARE MAKING ME NUTS WITH THE BOUNCING YOUR KID IS NOT FUSSING NOW AND YOU ARE CREATING AN ENVIRONMENT THAT WILL DRAIN YOU FOR YEARS ON END.   Whew.  That feels better.

 

6:50 PM.  OK.   My appointment finished and I had to wait and wait and wait for a train to take me back downtown to take the last ferry home.   It is absolutely freezing outside.   I really have had it with where I live.   I don’t know if I’ll have time to grab the glass of wine I was hoping for.

 

7:34.   Yes, I did.  Unfortunately I had to guzzle the glass of wine.  I shoved just one bite of baguette with some Mt. Tam cheese; had to wrap the rest, including the chutney.  So now I have a bag with some presentations, a computer, a baguette, and a saran package of cheese and chutney that I’m sure is fallout out all over the place.   There are few people on the ferry tonight.  I feel buzzed with the one glass of wine that I downed in less than 10 minutes.   It is freezing outside.   Think October/Nov weather.   I hope the kids did well tonight.

 

8:05 PM:   I’m still not used to the iPad and as I’m walking home in the freezing cold (windy, cold, snot dripping from my nose) I hear the Bee Jees coming from the iPad in my bag.   I need to figure out how to work this thing.

 

8:15 PM:   tuck Red and Big Bro in bed.   Ask them how their day went.   Scratch Big Bro’s back.   Talk to Red about a lot of stuff I don’t remember now.   I tell them about my trip on the airplane tomorrow and how I think I’ll be back in time for their dinner.   Big Bro asks me to see what games are on my iPad and tell him…. I tell him I’ll leave him a note so he can see it in the morning.   Now I have to figure out games on iPad…. I’m going to finish the baguette and cheese with hubby as I do this….

Till tomorrow

 

– Mama K

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August 9: Too much laundry but we’ve been saved by another “New” Mother’s Helper!

August 9, 2011 by 2 Comments

Today was a bit rushed; we woke up later than normal – 7:20 AM and we need to leave by 8 AM with 4 kids! We posted for another ad in Craig’s List so hopefully we’ll find someone soon. OUr place is a wreck – we tried to keep up last summer when I went back to work but it was physically and emotionally depleting. I just couldn’t do it with four kids and work FT. Hopefully someone good answers our ad soon.

  • Twin Crazy was playing with a brush, and Red was also with her. Twin Crazy trapped Red in the closet – she is getting very good with her muscles and she loves to open and close sliding closets (to my fear)
  • Twin Husky then comes out and the four of us start playing with puzzles on the floor. That was really sweet.
  • Everyone heads down for Chocolate Tuesday!
  • I can’t find my brush so I head downstairs and there it is on the floor.
  • I take out dry stuff out of dryer and put on top of the growing mountain of clean clothes to be folded in the back bedroom
  • Twin Crazy and Twin Husky are eating yogurt for breakfast so I clean them up and get them out of their chairs
  • Twin Crazy “helps” me put the wet clean clothes into the dryer. That was cute.
  • I put in another load of wash.
  • Red and Big Bro are REALLY busy with Chocolate Tuesday – they are eating their faces off.
  • I make Big Bro’s lunch and pack up the bag for daycare.
  • We change the Twins and then help Red and Big Bro change. They are old enough, and they can do it by themselves, I think they just want the attention from us so I can’t help but give in. Big Bro and I discuss the system we had where he picked out the clothes by himself and came downstairs already dressed, and how great that was. We’re going to try that tomorrow.
  • Twins are playing with the stereo components and wind up turning it on. Big Bro laughs at this — he is so sweet; he looks at what they do, but hangs back. Will only intervene if their safety is in question. Otherwise, he enjoys seeing them develop and do funny things, just as I do. I’m so proud of him as a big brother.
  • OK – 8 AM!! Time to go! Everyone get their shoes on!!! Twin Husky went to the garage and found his shoes so I could pack them in the bag. How cute.
  • Twin Husky was difficult getting into the car seat today. He kept wanting to turn around and laugh at Big Bro. You can really see the development between the two brothers recently. It is so sweet.

So now I’m on the ferry, no makeup, no breakfast, and no coffee. I feel like shit.   For work today, I will need to:

  • Work with one of the directors to map out one proposal. We need to complete it by today or tomorrow – So I’ll need to focus on that.
  • Think about high level approach for the big proposal we will submit in two weeks.
  • I will need to participate in a coordination/status meeting for the big meeting in October. THis will take 1 hour out of my day
  • I will also likely lead a different meeting for the firm initiative with our partner – I’ll need to walk through the go-to-market materials I sent out yesterday.

So, lots to do today. I think I’m going to treat myself to a big breakfast and HUGE coffee on the way to work today.   On the ferry the people around me are talking about t-ball, swimming, soccer, baseball, and birthday parties, and camps. The people around here are so Type-A and everything appears to be done to the extreme. Giant trampolines. Swim lessons since they’re 3. Hearing this makes me feel so guilty that we’re not able to do this with our kids – there just isn’t enough time and the last thing we want to do on weekends is run around with extra activities and/or formalized commitments.   I’ll probably post something on this topic at a later time.

Highlights of my Working Day:

  • I grabbed an excellent breakfast this morning on the way to work – breakfast tacos, a HUGE coffee, and I decided to splurge on orange juice.
  • Got myself together in the ladies room before going to office. Now I feel more like myself.
  • Rearranged some meetings today
  • Started to work on the presentation for Thursday’s huge meeting with the folks from the project that just wrapped up. I had no fear going in to present to the Senior EVP of the bank, but these types of meetings where you need to present to the workers… the doers… is very stressful for me. Everything in black and white is a critique on how they do their jobs – sometimes they react favorably to this type of work because maybe their fighting for investment budget for automation and to make their jobs easier — however sometimes it just looks like plain criticism — and in this case we were evaluating potential areas for outsourcing so some of these people will be fearful of their jobs (or their teams) as a result of this work. So, I’m not really looking forward to Thursday’s meeting. It will be tougher. It will be harder emotionally.
  • Ate fig newtons for lunch. Sent out a Random Thoughts post during lunch.
  • Sent follow-up to our Whitepaper partner to see if she is happy with the results; I’d like to get more work from her. The work is not complicated and it would give us a great way to supplement our existing work and keep our junior staff busy.
  • Started working on a “Best Practices” document to send to the institutions we interviewed for our last project.
  • Started fleshing out the objectives for one proposal – we are supposed to deliver it to the prospective client this week but I don’t know how that is going to happen… I have face-to-face business development meetings tomorrow and I am traveling on Thursday…..
  • Conducted the touchpoint status meeting for the initiative with our partners; there are some updates to the go-to-market materials which I incorporated and then re-sent everything out to the team so we can begin our sales efforts. I will need to start reaching out to companies before the next status meeting in 2 weeks.
  • Fired our undependable Mother’s Helper, and arranged for someone who answered our ad to come visit with us tonight. I’m going to put her to work with all of our laundry and all of our hand-washables. Our house is a disaster.

I had a good day today but am still feeling down – I am not recovering as quickly as I would like from my bout of depression from the weekend. I can’t shake this. The city where we live is too stressful and extremely expensive. I have no choice but to work the way I do. I feel like I have no choices at all anymore. I’m feeling alone again and need to snap out of this. OK I’m off to the Ferry. Will likely start to write-up another blog entry on the way home.

 Dinner and Bedtime:

  • Red came out of daycare today with her hair pulled back in a pony-tail (she has very, very little hair so I’m always amazed when people are able to do this for her – I certainly cannot).  I made such a big deal out of this.  We later kept giggling to each other that we both have pony-tails and we put them together and said how our pony-tails were mixed together.
  • Twin Husky absolutely loves Big Bro.  It is tough to get him in the car seat because he’d rather stand up and look at Big Bro.   We talk about what kinds of toys they can play with each other when we get home and Big Bro decides on “cars”.   Then Red proclaims that she wants to play “Princess” with Twin Crazy when we get home.
  • Twin Husky and Twin Crazy have a blast on the slide structure.   They keep taking turns and running around — one slides while the other climbs up the structure… on and on and on and on…..  Too cute.  They were laughing their butts off.
  • Our potential new mother’s helper came over.  She is great with kids and works in summer camps and social work programs with kids for a living.  I think she’ll be great with our family.  Red took to her right away and we had fun showing her around the house.  We went outside (all the kids) to show her the apple tree.  I picked an apple for each kid and used that as leverage to get them to eat their food.
  • A conversation with Big Bro went like this tonight….     Big Bro:  “If you had a monster, what would you do with it?”  “Well, is it a good monster or bad monster?”   “It’s anything you want it to be.” “OK.  I’d like it to be a good monster.   But would you kids be scared of it?”   “I wouldn’t, but Red might, and Twin Husky and Twin Crazy would be too.”  “OK.  Well in that case, on a day when I work from home and you kids are at school and daycare, I would invite the monster over for lunch.   That’s what I’d do with the monster.”
  • And yet another conversation with Big Bro….  Big Bro:  “I’d like to have a dinosaur and have them in the house.   I’d like to ride them.”   He then starts to mention all of them by name and I don’t remember what they are but we did have a long conversation about the ones that fly and how we would love to fly on them if they were nice to us and kept us safe when we were in the air.
  • All ate well.   Big Bro ate so many carrots I thought he was going to turn orange. Big Bro and Red wound up on my lap after dinner eating apples.  I loved it.
  • Big Bro wanted to play a game with me where you connect “dots” to form squares and the person who forms the most squares wins.   I’m telling you, this kid was strategizing.   I actually had to pay attention to what I was doing.   Hubby thinks that I’ll be no match for this kid in 1-2 years.
  • Twin Crazy started to do something funny with her sippy cup tonight — shaking the milk out into a spoon and then drinking the milk from the spoon
  • MH puts the Twins down for bed – everything seemed to go well.
  • Big Bro had a tantrum about a blanket.   Red is still saying she’s scared.  I think she’s at the top of the stairs again now….
The older kids are just so funny at these ages.   I feel like Big Bro and Red are full-fledged people.   The way they banter, the way they joke around with me, the way they interact and the give and take to the conversations.   I love it.   I sometimes get side tracked and forget things for them when too much is going on, but I ask them to PLEASE remind me when that happens.   They are so good with that.   For example, Big Bro had to remind me that I didn’t answer his question about what I would do with a monster.    I love how he accepted that I got pulled away, was mature enough to wait, and then approached me when he knew he could get my full attention.   It is so easy with him and with Red sometimes but then just 10 minutes later they regress and throw tantrums about a blanket of all things.   So I guess I have some more time to wait but by then it will be a different issue so I just have to be happy for what I have now!!!    AND, I AM THRILLED AT THE POTENTIAL OF OUR NEW MOTHER’S HELPER!!!!    There is a mound of I think 5 loads of laundry that she will need to conquer…. I’m going to sit down now and maybe watch some True Blood.
All in all, a good day.
Till tomorrow –
– Mama K
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Random Thought: When evaluating new job opportunities, would you sacrifice “quality of time with your kids” for “more money”?

August 9, 2011 by 1 Comment

It’s Tuesday and I have a Random Thought.

I want to thank Mama Serenity for expressing her situation at Meet other Mamas In Motion.   Her description is extremely heartfelt and her tone expressions the confusion and internal conflict that she faces.   It does seem that her existing job treats her well and to some extent suits her balance with her children (but there is travel required and peaks of her business).  She is now presented with another opportunity — and although she has information from which to base a decision, there still is the large “unknown” factor.   I think the “unknown” is what causes stress and pressure in the decision-making process, particularly when these decisions impact not only you, but your entire family.   I believe it is much easier to be a risk taker when you only have to worry about yourself and it becomes harder to venture out into the unknown when these decisions impact your entire family and your little ones.  I feel like I’ve remained in my current job because of my kids – my company knows me, and I know how to navigate to make the most out of my situation with the kids.   There may be better options for me elsewhere – but the unknown does cause me stress particularly if I feel like my current job gives me and my family a sense of stability and security.

This got  me to thinking.   I’m guessing that collectively, working Mamas In Motion are changing jobs all the time.  Job opportunities present themselves – or we proactively go looking for them.   Does the decision process become more difficult if you have little ones to consider?  Or, maybe its just the opposite — does the decision-making process become EASIER if you feel that the things that are most important to you are NOT being fulfilled in your current job situation?   There are considerations to be made when evaluating opportunities, and there are tradeoffs.  And it becomes more difficult when you are potentially leaving a “known” situation to an “unknown” situation, one that may not be able to fulfill on a bonus that you hope to count on, or one that may not be as family-friendly as you assume.

Here are some considerations that I can think of – would the new opportunity provide more:

  • money, compensation, benefits?
  • quality time with the kids (e.g., shorter commute, more flexibility in hours, possibly being able to work from home on some days)?
  • responsibility?
  • stability, job security?
  • autonomy in getting the work done?
  • interesting / compelling work?
  • the ability to stretch your skills and grow in new areas?
  • synergies with people — culture, working style alignment?

This now gets me to a series of polls for the group, for working Mamas:

2 of 3:   If the choices are narrowed down to “more Money” vs. “more Quality time with the Kids”, which would be most important to you when deciding on whether or not to take a new job???

3 of 3:   I’d like to understand the threshold where you would select “more Money” instead of “more Quality time with the Kids” when deciding to take a new job.   How much of a raise would you absolutely require to accept a position, where the tradeoff is less quality of time with your kids (recognize that increased income could still improve their quality of living, but, they would have less time with you).  Would the new job HAVE to give you at LEAST a raise of:

Life is about tradeoffs – earning money for your family to have and do nice things is wonderful, but spending quality time with your children is obviously important as well.   I think the difficulty really sets in when you feel like your life is seriously out of balance; this balance threshold differs for each woman and given each different and distinct situation.   We are all unique Mamas In Motion and I’m sure we will see this in the poll results.   Thank you for participating!

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August 8: Busy at Work, Busy at Home, and NO Mother’s Helper (again!)

August 8, 2011 by 2 Comments

Oh, Mondays. These used to be really rough for me but my weekend was not that spectacular so I welcome getting back into a normal routine. We did not do much of anything on Sat or Sun. The highlight was taking the kids to a nearby park and having all four of them tear down the little, medium, and big slides. Twin Husky was flying down the medium slide head first, laughing his butt off. Both Twin husky and Twin Crazy would go down the little slide and then topple over onto the bark ground which they thought was hysterical, and me and Big Bro thought even more hysterical. The weekend was very cold and gray. Twin Husky got some more biting practice in. Poor Twin Crazy, and also Red. They are beginning to fear him.

 Highlights of the morning:

  • Red woke up first and climbed into our bed, playful. She seems like in a great mood
  • Red and Twin Husky make it down with Hubby for breakfast
  • I hear Twin Crazy screaming… because she woke up alone in her room.  She was really pissed off that she woke up and her brother was not there.  She feels like she’s missing out on something.   I fetch her and she has a good time combing her hair and my hair.
Twin Crazy is pissed that everyone is downstairs except for her
  • I wake up Big Bro and start to gather clothes for the day. He has definite opinions. He needs to have a picture on his t-shirt or else it is rejected. We have so many plain t-shirts that just never get used.
  • downstairs the Twins are busy eating applesauce, bananas and Cheerios. They are talking up a storm and having fun with Red.
  • Big Bro is in a great mood.
  • Getting them dressed was no problem. Red and I played a game where I was helping her with her socks but she kept giving me the foot that was already “socked”.. “I don’t need THAT guy [referring to her foot], I need THIS guy [referring to her other foot].” “I’m giving you THIS guy”. “No, I need THAT guy.” It was really cute. She is in a great mood. She even had time to put on a tattoo that she was excited about.
  • I gathered clothes for daycare for Twin Husky [this is something that I should do the night before to make the time more efficient in the morning….]
  • Shoes on! Let’s go!!!
  • Red says she wants to see Daddy go on the ferry and then all of us go to Big Bro’s school. I say we can only do that on days that I work from home. That does not seem to satisfy her much.
  • Drop off #1 went without a problem. She whisked them away because it’s really cold outside
  • Drop off #2 went well. Big Bro brought in a book “101 Dalmatians” and his teacher said “Cool! Great book. Do you want me to read it?” I love that place. We will likely have Red start in the same school in September.

Today for work I will need to double-task and hustle. I am double-booked in the AM where I need to get a deck ready for distribution for an internal team, yet I also have an internal call to strategize for a new proposal we will be developing. It will be hard for me to multi-task on this so I need to hit-the ground running when I get into the office to get the first done before the second begins. But I’m hungry. I guess it will be more coffee and trail mix. Later in the day I will need to reach out for more business development for the meeting in October. WE have a status call tomorrow that I will need to be ready for.

 

Highlights of my Working Day:

  • Ran into the office, did not have time to eat (trail mix) or put on make up…. I updated the go-to-market materials and quickly sent off to our internal team – I had just 20 minutes to do this since I had a call at 9:30
  • 9:30 conference call to discuss the potential proposal that we will likely bid on; it will be a very big project across regions and we have 2 weeks to pull it together. Three directors and I got together to talk about the business need and think about what work we’ve done that we can leverage approach / thinking of the business issue. It will be very interesting if we get it.
  • Quickly put on some make up and grabbed trail mix. Headed to next conference call
  • Internal call on the go-to-market materials I sent that AM. I received some great feedback and spent the next several hours incorporating. Grabbed some lunch take-out and ate at my desk while working. Sent all materials to our team and our partner.

 

Today went reasonably well. I think I do better (mentally) when working in the office vs. at home. I was busy, had the heater on in my office so I was nice and toasty, and I was extremely comfortable in my garb (nice soft long sweater, leggings, high heels — sexy but comfy).

Me and hubby are headed home now; ferry is great, sun is finally out. Dinner? Just talked about this with hubby and we are leaning on spaghetti and meat balls (Costco). I’m looking forward to pick up with the kids and hearing their squeals (Twins) when we arrive.

 Dinner and Bedtime:

  • Pick up for Big Bro went great; Pick up for Twins and Red went fine. Today they drew outlines of their hands. Our daycare provider does the minimal in terms of creativity so I was surprised at this and made a huge deal over it.
  • We started dinner – pasta and meatballs. Kids were really hungry/cranky so we gave them some raisins and crackers to hold them over.
  • While it was cooking I started to dance and play follow the leader with all the kids to our electric keyboard. It was a lot of fun.
  • 6:30 came and went. It looks like we were stood-up again by our new Mother’s Helper. I have two loads of laundry in our back bedroom that need to get folded, more laundry to start, and an entire sink of hand-washables. *I&^$*&^(*#^$)(&^
  • Everyone ate well. Even Red. So much so that Hubby made the kids ice-cream cones. Ryan was very frustrated that he wanted more. Threw himself down on the ground with a tantrum.
  • Hubby went out front with the kids so Big Bro could ride his electrical jeep and the rest of the kids could run off the sugar. It was freezing. It’s so cold out here where we live.
  • I in the meantime cleaned up from dinner, started doing more laundry, and got the PJs and milk out for the Twins
  • Bedtime for Twins was fine. Singing twinkle twinkle and itsy bitsy spider. Twin Crazy likes to take part with her hands. Twin Husky was too cranky to participate. Both “brushed their teeth” which was cute.
  • We usually do a round of kisses with the Twins but Twin Crazy did not want to get near Twin Husky. I guess they were fighting a lot today and I think she may be scared of his biting. When he gets pushed to far he lashes out with his teeth and does a throaty grunt.
  • Big Bro was great tonight at bedtime. I read him a book and he caused no problems. He laid down with his head in my lap and I was loving it. Red was a different story. There were issues with her and the potty, and issues with her getting into PJs. Then she came in and out and put the hallway lights on. Then she came out and needed a towel to dry her hands. As I type this she is now out saying that she is scared. “Just pull that blanket up to your chin honey…. you have to go to sleep now.”  I think I hear her now sighing and dreaming, upstairs, at the top of the staircase landing.    Don’t tell me that she’s asleep in the hallway!

 

Today ended just fine. The house is a mess but we had fun with the kids. Laundry is going, this post is done, and I will now put another ad in Craig’s List for yet another Mother’s Helper. This time I’m going to stress dependability and will probably ask for references.

 

Till tomorrow –

 

– Mama K

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Retrospectives: Feeling free and acting bad-ass with my first car, a used ’78 SWEET Camaro

August 7, 2011 by 4 Comments

When I was in high-school, I anxiously awaited the day when I could drive and better yet, have my very own car. My high school was probably pretty big by some standards — over 2,000+ students.  My high school at that time, like many, was very much like the “Breakfast Club” movie.   There were the different groups and sets of people.   I was part of the “bad hair metal crowd” — tight jeans, high permed two-toned hair, lots of make up, high heels. I actually looked like Jon Bon Jovi.
Anyway, at the end of each day, a spectacular event occurred….. essentially all the people who drove to school, along with their friends, swarmed to the student parking lot and looked cool and blasted music.  I think I took the bus for a year but after that I usually found a friend or someone who would drive… so I was one of those people in the student parking lot in a friend’s car, ready to go.   It was such a scene.

Then, it was time for the exiting procession.  The first vehicles to exit were the busses.   There were two lines that formed… one exiting left, the other exiting right.   It was really very dramatic seeing all of those busses peal out of the parking lot and get into formation.   There was a winding road along the back of the school which led to the exit.  There were probably 15 busses snaking their way along the back road of the school towards the exit.  When we saw the busses starting to leave, that’s when our cars started their engines anxiously — the student car line ups were READY. Engines on, cigarettes lit, music echoing across the lot.  This exiting routine was always so dramatic for me. I loved it. I felt like an adult. I felt anxious for the motion. I felt pent-up but ready to be set free.   So through the years, leading up to my sixteenth birthday, I dreamt of owning MY OWN car and heading down that procession.

Parade of cars leaving high-school, we were SO COOL

I worked for this first car since I was fourteen – a job at a pizza joint that essentially paid me in cash but still took out “taxes” so the guy was obviously ripping me off. I then started working at a 24 hour diner which was when I hit the jackpot. Cold-hard cash — averaging ~$60 EACH night worked. It was awesome. I quickly saved up the cash to buy my first clunker.   I paid cash for the car and made sure I had enough for the insurance.  I did it all on my own.   The year was 1986 but I think my car was a 1978. It was blue. It was beautiful. It was a Chevy Camaro — and the best part was a spoiler on the back. It was so unbelievably bad-ass.

1978 Bad Ass Camaro with Spoiler.... so cool

I felt so free driving it. I also felt accomplished working for it myself.  I worked hard for my beauty and I appreciated it.   I remember clearly the feeling of leaving that high-school in the line up.    Hoping that I didn’t stray to far into the other lane.   Hoping that making a “left” would be easy and traffic-free.   Or if I felt too nervous, I would take the right hand lane out for an easier exit.   I had people in my car.   We were laughing and having a blast.   I remember sometimes driving nowhere just for the sake of driving.  I’d always volunteer to get pizza pick-up vs. delivery.   I remember warm summer nights, me and my car, driving the winding roads and listening to music.   Sometimes there would be friends with me and sometimes there would not.   I learned all the back roads very quickly.   I discovered parts of the town I never knew existed…. small bridges over streams… run down homes that looked haunted… and of course I did drive-bys of the homes of the boys I had crushes on.

The only downfall of this beautiful machine that I could see was that it didn’t have a tape deck (remember those things?).   Well of course I bought a tape deck and had a friend rip out the existing car stereo that was securely installed in the dashboard of the car.   He maneuvered underneath, pulled out wires, pulled back plastic, and somehow got the thing hooked up — however, during the installation process he completed fouled up the entire electrical make up of the car. I tried to overlook this the best I could – but it was difficult.

  • First, the radio would work fine — but only when driving UNDER 35 miles per hour. This was pretty annoying since sometimes it’s hard to look cool going only 35 miles per hour.  I eventually found a trick where I could accelerate above 35 and just tap on the brake and that was enough to get the radio going again.   But regardless, it was pretty annoying and was something I constantly had to pay attention to – it was a tradeoff.   Either drive under 35 miles per hour, or go faster but look like I didn’t know how to drive since I was always tapping on my break.
  • Second, the gas gauge never worked from that point out. This wasn’t such a huge problem since that just gave me more excuses to fill up my car more often.   It gave me a reason to spend more time with my beauty.   However there was a dark, dark time when I headed on a road trip (without my parents’ knowledge) to the Baltimore aquarium (4 hours away).  You guessed it, we ran out of gas on the way home and I had to pull over to the left on a major highway (I-95). At sixteen, and in the 80’s, none of us had much cash or credit/debit cards. To make a long story short, we had a lot of walking to/from the next exit and had to pool our cash, with fingers crossed that we would have enough gas to make it home. I think that was the last long trip I took with that car.

Anyway, I loved it. I loved the way it smelled in the hot summer. I loved filling the tires with air. I loved washing the windshield. I loved the featherclip hanging from the rear-view (and later the tassel from my graduation cap). I loved driving around with my friends aimlessly…. essentially driving just to drive. Exploring.   Being free.  Being on the move. Going places. And knowing that I worked for all of it. It was mine. So what I couldn’t go above 35 mph without touching on the breaks every now and then. Usually me and my friends were laughing so hard when cruising that we didn’t need the music anyway, or at least the breaking became funny after a while.

I remember this so clearly despite it being more than 20 years ago, because this is really the essence of who I am.   I have had to work for everything that I have – no one has ever had to come to my rescue to support me as an adult. I like to drive.   I like road-trips.  I like going places.   I love the feeling of freedom. I love the feeling of going somewhere – the motion. I like the windows down and music blasting.   I like the wind in my hair and the smell of sunshine.  I like the feel of the wheel in my hands.

Obviously things have changed a bit with four little ones.   Now, it’s a mini-van with four car seats in the back.    They know that sometimes certain songs come on and I suddenly crank up the radio, roll down the windows, and sing at the top of my lungs.   They do wonder why mommy is so excited over loud guitars and killer bass and drums. “Back in Black? What is that Mommy?”   But they laugh.   And the wind goes through their hair.  And the toddlers kick their legs and act silly.   And Big Bro and Red look at each other smiling, and then look back and me trying to hold back their smiles.  At least now I’m not smoking cigarettes, don’t have a featherclip hanging from the rear-view, and oh… the electrical system works just fine.   So I guess things have changed a bit but I’m still loving the motion and the music – and I’m happy to share these feelings now with my little ones.   I wonder though…. do mini-vans have spoilers?

Cruising with my babies

Filed Under: Retrospectives Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

August 5: Extra time with my pumpkins but still so depressed

August 5, 2011 by 4 Comments

Today I was lucky to have some extra time with Red, Twin Husky, and Twin Crazy – their daycare provider had a doctor appointment so I had to bring them in later.   Because of this I took the liberty to work from home.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

  • I got up a big slowly (drank too many beers the night before) but made it to the shower and downstairs in time to organize a few things before the kids were up
  • I took it slow.   There really was no rush since I did not have to take the ferry.   I enjoyed the kids.
  • I had four piles of clothes today, versus the normal two.   This is because daycare usually changes Twin Husky and Twin Crazy into day clothes for us – it makes our morning routine easier that way.  But today, we had four piles which was fun.
  • The kids cooperated with breakfast.   I made a full pot of coffee for my day at home.
  • When it was time to go, I had all kids get ready with shoes etc.  Twin Husky and Twin Crazy both came to me, one by one, to get their shoes on.
  • We dropped of Big Bro at school – he knew we were all coming in but he specifically requested that not everyone come into his classroom.   I agreed to this.  So the plan was to get the siblings set up in the “common room” at pre-school with toys and then privately drop of Tyler.  He was happy with this plan.
  • When I got them out of the van they were all well-behaved and stayed on the sidewalk holding hands.   The group knows to do this, especially if we are in a parking lot or crossing a street.
  • We got inside and the siblings were excited about the toys which were new to them.   Big Bro was happy that he had me to himself for drop off, and that his friends didn’t have to look at a huge group of kids (his kids) as they welcomed him into the room.
  • Red, Twin Husky, and Twin Crazy had a blast at pre-school.  We stayed there for an hour, playing with dolls, legos, plastic animals — playing make-believe in a kitchen area — climbing/sitting/getting down from chairs and doing it again, and again, and again.   They really had fun.
Kids playing with "new" toys at Big Bro's pre-school
  • When it was time to leave they were great.   Again, they stayed on the sidewalk until I shuffled them in the van.
  • We cruised by the library but it wasn’t open yet, so we went home.   Had a blueberry snack, watched our landlord mow our lawn, colored with markers, played with a keyboard, and did a puzzle.    There was only one problem (a BIG one)…. Twin Husky bit Twin Crazy’s finger.   I couldn’t believe it.   We’ve never had a biter.   I reprimanded him with a very harsh tone and he looked down but did not cry.   He took it like a man.   Then about a minute later Red came screaming over to me saying that Twin Husky tried to bite her.   Oh shit.   I can’t deal with this.  Daycare then called at 11:30 so I happily dropped them off.
  • After their drop off I headed to the food store – bought a chicken for dinner and a lot of other stuff.  Picked up a burritos for me for lunch.
I love experiences like this.  It gives me a glimpse of what it is like to be a stay at home mom.   I really had fun.  The kids had fun.  They were so well-behaved, with the exception of the bite incident.   But I was ready to give them to daycare.   I was ready to head home and get some work done.   So I know that I do want to continue to work, but I guess just a bit more time with my kids is all I need to feel more balanced, more happy.
Highlights of my Working Day:
  • I essentially sat on my couch with my feet up and worked on the go-to-market materials for the start-up initiative; we need those materials complete for a progress call next week AND for a client meeting next week.
  • I threw in a load of laundry.  I ran the dishwasher.
  • I booked a flight for a client presentation for next week – we were asked to go and present our findings and recommendations to a much larger audience… essentially all the people who were involved in the internal interview process and they are the ones whose jobs will be impacted as a result of the work.   This meeting by far will be the most stressful of any we’ve had to-date.   I will need to refresh the presentation deck to make sure the tone is proper so as not to offend anyone in the room on that day.
  • I threw the chicken in the oven at 4 PM.   I started to cook some beets.     I set the table.  I got the pajamas ready for the kids.   I confirmed that our Mother’s Helper was planning to show up tonight.   YEAH (there’s a whole pile of clothes to do, and a whole sink of hand-washables for her to attack).
Dinner and Bedtime:
  • I was on my own tonight since Hubby was at a baseball game.    This was fine since dinner was done and I was ready for them.
  • All ate well.   Twins liked the beets.   Big Bro and Red at least tried them.   The chicken was a hit.
  • Afterwards Big Bro and Red watched a movie and ate popcorn (we like to do this on Friday nights).  Twin Husky was having fun rocking back and forth and talking on our rocker.   Twin Crazy had a great time on the slide structure.
  • Pajamas were fun; the Twins were ready.   I got them milk and they took the milk and their blankets over to the stairs.  They were so ready.  Up they went – books, sing a song, kisses, and in their cribs — butts in the air, blankets in hand, thumbs in mouth.   Out.
  • Red and Big Bro were fine with teeth brushing, etc.   They both sat in my lap for two books.  Big Bro looked exhausted and was out within 5 min of getting into bed.
  • Red came out saying that her finger hurt – so I looked at it, found nothing, but offered her a band-aid.  She proceeded to put it on the wrong finger (wrong hand even) and I caught her in the act and mentioned it to her.   She looked at me, put her chin down and eyes up, and tried to hold back a smile.   She knew I was onto her.
I had a great day, but for some reason I was still extremely depressed in the afternoon and even now.   Spending too much time in an empty, soul-less house is really disturbing for me.   We are renting our place and it was meant to be a temporary spot for us (for a year or so) until we figured out where we REALLY want to settle.   But Kindergarten is getting underway soon, our place is so empty (no pictures up, bookshelves empty) and it feels like my life is in a holding pattern with no time horizon for any decision to be made.  It is so disturbing to me.   I find it so hard to believe that despite my working from home and having time with my kids (and kind of feeling like a stay at home mom today), I am still so unhappy.   I feel so misplaced.   And I think my meeting my old high-school friend last night had a lot to do with it.   I miss my home.   I want a home for my children.  I want less stress and less pressure.   I want simplicity.    I want to enjoy my time and live my life with my family – and get on with establishing a home and rooting for the sake of them and myself.   I will need to write more on this at another time – but I’m just feeling so down right now.    So empty despite having so much.
I think I’ll call it a night, check in on my sleeping kids, take my meds and go to sleep –
Till next week –
– Mama K
Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,
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