November 7: Back together again!

November 7, 2011 by 4 Comments

Back at work after a great weekend with Big Bro, Red, and my father. We woke up to the kids laughing and reuniting with one another, since the Twins came home late last night.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

  • We woke up to children’s  laughter. Big Bro kissing Twin Husky as Twin Husky rolling around on the floor. Giggles. Red running around laughing. Twin Crazy a bit sick so a bit cranky.
  • Everyone was hungry – Twins are now actively asking for what they want with their words, which is making things much easier.
  • Red gives Twin Crazy her new water bottle and Twin Crazy downs half of the water. Red gets upset but I quickly wash the bottle and get her new, fresh water to stem a tantrum from happening.
  • Twins are getting oatmeal all over themselves.
  • Big Bro and Red are busy eating.
  • I help 3 of the 4 to get dressed.
  • We are early so all leave together – 3 drop offs (Red, Twins, Big Bro) and then me an Hubby to the Ferry.

Today at work I will be starting a new project, forming a plan for a new proposal, and also tying up loose ends from the meetings we recently had.

Highlights of My Working Day:

  • Today was a day about business development. We had an internal meeting to plan our response to a Request for Proposal, I had a phone conversation with a potential client as a result of our meetings from last month, and I scheduled a phone conversation to discuss our proposal with another potential client as a result of our meetings last week. My goal out of this new role was not only to generate value for our company and the members for these meetings, but also to walk away with potential consulting projects. My goal was three proposals. Now we’re at 2. I have one more to go to reach my personal goal!
  • I also started to organize my thinking around a project we are starting this week – I had the lead contact so I’m feeling responsible for this one.
  • I also started to prepare for some meetings that I will have on Tuesday and Wednesday. I’ve learned through my career to NEVER come to a meeting unprepared. Even having the documents quickly skimmed and some initial questions/reactions is better than nothing. In our company, people remember the meetings where someone does not add anything — then why were they there???!? Not only should you participate, but have your thoughts organized. Contributions should be concise and to the point, otherwise you’re wasting everyone’s time. This gets noticed too.

I’m now on the commute home – taking the ferry is not as fun when it is cold and gray. And it is cold and gray today. I have some “flat meat” that I bought over the weekend so dinner will be easy.

Monday’s are always a bit rough for us as a family – and I think tonight will be worse since it will be darker earlier. I envision breakdowns earlier than normal, so am ready to start the bedtime routine earlier if we need to tonight.

Dinner and Bedtime:

  • I picked up all kids quickly since it was cold and the sun was going down FAST!
  • Dinner took about 10 minutes from start to finish. Flat meat (pork), frozen string-beans zapped in the microwave, and cous-cous. Everyone was at the table eating within 15 minutes!
  • There was lots of fun tonight. I think all the kids were thrilled to be together again. Big Bro acting like a monster under a blanket crawling after his siblings, Red/Twins were doing “downward dog” positions as I cracked up, Twin Crazy didn’t mind me “bulbing” snot out of her nose (she kept laughing), kids were playing with balls all over the place (and then we made a game about working together to clean them up), and even puzzles.

  • There were only a few accidents. Red hit her head on an open drawer. Twin Husky took a swing at a bat and hit Red in the head by accident. Kids were tripping over Big Bro as he was pretending to be a monster under the blanket. And the Twins kept trying to do puzzles but really they were just running around with puzzle pieces getting everyone else anxious.
  • Twins had fun brushing their teeth and reading books. They gave each other kisses and went to bed quickly, saying “Nite nite” over and over again. Too cute.
  • Bedtime routine was terribly long for Big Bro and Red. A lot of time was devoted to “homework” which we probably should move up earlier in the evening.

It was a fine Monday; I’m feeling pretty relaxed and enjoying my iPad and iPhone. It makes blogging and adding pictures much more fun and efficient.

Till tomorrow –
– Mama K

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Staying Sane: Ice-cream in the Rain

November 6, 2011 by 4 Comments

What I enjoy most these days are those special moments when time almost stands still and your brain starts to actually think like a child’s.

This happened over the weekend.    After lots of activities in the morning (buying new pajamas, hitting baseballs, kicking soccer balls), both Big Bro and Red had VERY long naps – this likely had to do with the cold weather and the pouring rain.  After they both got up we all decided to go out for dinner.   I wanted to start a tradition.   On weekends if it is raining and if the kids are good I want to take them out for ice-cream.

We gathered our rain gear, headed out for dinner (kids still in pajamas), and then braved the weather with inside-out umbrellas on the way to get ice-cream.

Thinking like a child.  Getting excited for the big treat.   The adventure in the rain.  Holding the umbrella.   Not realizing that it will go inside-out from the wind and getting a big surprise when it does.   Walking through the rivers of rain.   Feeling the chill in the air and not caring.   Getting picked up to see the ice-cream flavors.    Looking at all of the colors… wondering which one to pick.   Sitting next to Pop-Pop on a Saturday night with the ice-cream shop filled with people.   Knowing it is silly wearing pajamas outside of the house.  Wearing a cat raincoat and loving it.   Not minding sticky hands or a sticky face.     Being 3.  Being 5.    Reaching up to hold a hand as we cross the street – wind blowing the cold rain.   Home.   Sweetness.   Cuddles on the couch.  Kisses goodbye and sleep.

This was one of the glimpses of childhood that I had the joy of experiencing over the weekend.   A memory I will likely replay to balance future days when I need to.

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November 4: Back home!

November 4, 2011 by Leave a Comment

This morning I wore a newly purchased outfit and finished up our meeting.   I had to leave a bit early to catch my flight home, but I made a point to personally say goodbye to each of the clients that I met on this trip.   All in all, it was a good trip.  I had time to myself to relax and soak in life.  I also had a good time with the meetings and things were relatively interesting.  I had amazing food and even came home with jackets and trousers to round out my wardrobe.

I missed my children but I knew I would have some extra time with them today since I took an earlier flight back.   I met my dad at home and walked into a house that smelled of a roast cooking.   Together we walked to pick up the Twins.   It was so sweet reuniting with them.   Twin Crazy was jumping up and down and jumping on me and throwing her arms around my neck.  Twin Husky was excited, but he was playing “cool”.   My dad was with us so they also thought that was interesting.   They are not used to being picked up early.   Twin Crazy was busy scaling up the stroller to get in – Twin Husky was hesitant – it seemed like he wanted to stay there and play a bit.   I feel like both have changed somewhat in the 3 days I’ve been away.  Twin Husky looks bigger to me.   Twin Crazy seems more expressive. Both are adorable and my dad (a Twin himself) is so proud to be the grandfather of twins.

We then went to pick up Big Bro.  He was happy to see Pop Pop and also happy to hear that his new bike lock came in the mail.   We all walked home together.  He held my hand and talked about the past few days to fill me in on what I missed.  Apparently Twin Crazy unwrapped a lollipop and ate it.   So cute.   It was a beautiful day.  We passed a playground but Big Bro wanted to get home quickly instead.

Pop pop stayed back with the kids while I picked up Red.   Her face was beaming.  I love that child to pieces.   We walked in and she immediately ran to Pop pop.  He has a way with her.   They are always goofy together.    We had a great dinner, then all sat down to Shrek and some popcorn.

The kids are all in bed now — I think sufficiently exhausted.  I think my dad’s exhausted too.   We’re going to sit back and relax for a bit now and will likely call it a night early.   My dad only has tomorrow and will leave very early on Sunday morning.    We will be with Big Bro and Red, while Hubby heads to his folks’ place with the Twins.

I’m not sure what we’ll do tomorrow, but I bet there will be some time devoted to Big Bro’s bike and his new bike lock.

Till next week –
– Mama K

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November 3: Managing just fine being away, sometimes, well… not really.

November 3, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Today I am away from home for work.   I arrived yesterday, and will go back home tomorrow.   First of all, I need to describe to you the hotel I’m at – think water fountains everywhere, HUGE comfy bed, spa, pools, ocean view from my private balcony.    I am not used to living like this.   I am not used to the quiet.   I immediately signed up for spa services yesterday when I arrived, knowing that I would not have an opportunity to take advantage of them the rest of the trip.    The picture below briefly documents the type of experience – whirlpools, spa, massage.  Bliss.

 

Today we had an all day meeting with several speakers and the audience were various clients.   I was not responsible for leading or facilitating this meeting, unlike the others where I had full responsibility.   So this was really a look and learn experience for me, as well as client management/ relationship building/ “making people feel comfortable” role.    I learned a lot, as usual.  I connected with old faces and new faces.   My force of personality makes me comfortable in these situations.   I like meeting new people.  I like connecting with them on some level.   And I particularly like doing this when not under pressure.

During a break I reviewed and sent out a draft proposal for consulting services, for a lead that I cultivated.   Hopefully he will agree on the scope and approach so that we may price it accordingly – I hope we win this one.   I also arranged/accepted various meetings for the upcoming week.

After the day long meeting I decided to go shopping.   I think I grabbed the last of the “must have” pieces for my new wardrobe.   Is the “Year of [Mama K]” shopping spree over?   I’m not sure yet….

I had a  fabulous dinner and then finished the evening next to a fire-pit with s’mores, with our clients, talking about traveling, families, and tragedies like 9/11.

This was not the best way to end my evening.   I’m already on shaking ground in terms of outlook and this just reinforced my feelings of unhappiness and anxiety.  I am so scared.  Scared for me, my family and my children.   Scared that I cannot provide the kind of life and opportunities that I should for them.   Scared to pull back from work, frightened that as a family we are not using good judgement for the choices that we should make for the sake of these children.  Scared that we are not living by the mantra of “family first”.   I need to feel like we are doing everything we should for these kids.  And now I just want to curl up and go to sleep, and stop thinking about these things, because so many of these choices are not within my control.

On that note I will finish the day and hope that tomorrow is better; it has to be — I will be re-united with my kids.   🙂

Til tomorrow

-Mama K

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Recipes: Tacos with Leftovers

November 3, 2011 by Leave a Comment

This is another submission from Mama N from Austin TX — thank you Mama N!   This is a twist of an old favorite and very efficient with what you have leftover in your refrigerator – plus I can see the appeal with kids – anything “build your own” is a hit in our house.

Note from Mama N:  “Another one that we use quite a bit is taco night — but it is completely dependent on what you have left over — then you just use that plus 1 pound of ground beef cooked with a BUNCH of chile powder and a can of wolf brand chili (beans or no beans). We use taco night to get rid of whatever veggie or other thing we have in the fridge ;). Or, if doing from scratch we put a bunch of iceberg lettuce tomatoes mixed with vinegrette and shredded cheese on top. Of course, good salsa always helps too!”

Ingredients:

  • leftover ingredients in your fridge
  • ground beef (1 pound)
  • chili powder
  • can of chili
  • salsa
  • lettuce, tomatoes, cheese (if no leftovers from fridge)
  • taco shells

Directions:

  • cook meat and warm leftovers, add chili and seasonings
  • warm shells
  • prepare / cut / shred other ingredients (as required)

Prep time:   5 – 10 minutes (includes search time)

Cook time:  10- 15 min

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November 2: Away and alone

November 2, 2011 by 2 Comments

Today I packed up and left on a flight for a work trip. I don’t know if I’m happy or sad. I feel like I’m just going through the motions.

My flight wasn’t scheduled until after 1:30 so I took the opportunity to work from home this am. It also allowed me to ride with Big Bro this am and stroll with the Twins. I said goodbye to Red and asked her if it was ok to pick her up early on Friday. She said yes with a smile. I will also have my dad with me since he’s flying in for a weekend visit. I’m looking forward to that.

The ride with Big Bro was quiet. We went alone without the “pack” of riders from Monday. It was peaceful. He took his time without the need or pressure to keep up with the bigger kids. I was with him. The Twins were with him. We quietly made our way to the school. He asked for me to get him a lock for his bike, which I promptly ordered from amazon when I got home. The Twins enjoyed their stroll. Twin Husky was busy at the edge of his seat looking around at everything and saying words. Twin Crazy was quiet – the breeze flowing through her hair. She would sneak a look up towards me from time to time and grin like you wouldn’t believe. I would hold her face and look into her eyes and call her my “sweetie” each and every time.

Once everyone was dropped off I just felt very alone. I walked home with the empty stroller and REALLY wanted the tears to come but for some reason they just couldn’t. Again the feeling of numbness. Crispness in the air. Brown leaves on the ground. Starting to feel connected to a community yet still feeling lost, unwound, broken. Almost glad to be leaving this for a couple of days.

I got home and did some work. I headed to the airport. I had a call with two Directors about a reduced workweek. They support this idea for me. They need to discuss it with some others though first before it becomes official. I can wait for that. I have the patience of an elephant although it has been tested and pushed to the limit this past year and even years prior. I need this job. But I need more of me back. For myself and for my kids. I want to be a mom first above everything else. I’ve sacrificed too much and for too long. Now it’s my turn.

I’m on the plane now and am feeling ok. A bit sad. Not as energized as I would like to be. Missing the kids already and aching for more clarity in my life. Wondering where the old me went and if I’ll be able to get her back. Wanting to laugh but feeling too tired.

It will be good to be out tonight with colleagues and clients. I know I’ll be able to rustle up the energy I need for that. I’m thankful for having this outlet and small break to reflect on things and hopefully enjoy myself and squeeze in some laughs. Even if they are forced.

Til tomorrow,
– Mama K

p.s. I’m now at the hotel and have had an amazing change of heart! Look at this place!!!! I’m going to see if there is room for me for a massage before dinner! At a minimum, I’m going to use the outside hot-tub and pool! And maybe get a frosty drink! Life does not suck now. 🙂

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November 1: Back to work, selling work, starting more work

November 1, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Back to the rush and bustle of a normal commute to work.   I was struggling, and the kids were really calling for Mommy this morning.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

  • For some reason, we woke up to Red in our bed this morning.  I’m not exactly sure why, but I didn’t mind.   I liked snuggling up to her and holding her.  She likes to play with my hair.   I missed her from her weekend away from me and things were so busy yesterday that I feel the need to spend extra time with her.
  • I got a message from our neighbor about this morning’s “ride” – Big Bro and I talked about it the night before and he prefers if I go and only me – he thinks the kids go too fast and he can’t keep up.  I think his bike just needs to be adjusted a bit.   I honored his request today but would love to see him fold in with the “pack”.
  • Twins were up so I helped to set them up with breakfast – they are both loving oatmeal these days.   I’m running out of my stash.  I’ll need to stock up.   Over the weekend I made the home-made stuff but during the week we need the luxury of quick packets – I can’t believe how much they are eating.   “Oatmeal.  Oatmeal.”
  • I shower and dress, quickly.  No make up.  Did nothing with my hair.
  • I helped to get Big Bro and Red dressed.   Red wanted to wear her Hello Kitty Halloween shirt.  So then Twin Crazy wanted hers too.
  • Twin Husky was running around getting into trouble.  Getting stuck in chairs, shoving his face into a pre-school magnifying glass (I wish I grabbed a picture of that), and just running around the place at break-neck pace.
  • Red had a hard time getting packed up.  Twin Crazy was upset in the van.  For some reason  my girls are having a tough time today.
  • I dropped off Twins and then Big Bro; Hubby took Red.   Big Bro took a picture of the kids into school today and wanted to show his teacher.   She may have him show and tell today.  She is wonderful.

I’m on the ferry now.  I can’t remember the last time I took the ferry.   Work may be a bit hectic today.   They are questioning my request to take a 50% reduction in work.  I need this, and badly.   I’ll also be traveling from Wednesday through Friday and would like to get more balance in my life.   Looking back over the past year, the past 5 years is actually amazing.  I can’t believe all that I did, non-stop.  No-one should have to do this.  There is more to life than running for the sake of running.  I want to slow down and enjoy my children.

Highlights of My Working Day:

It felt good to be in the office, at first.  I heard about their Halloween and talked about mine.  I like being in an office environment.

  • I reviewed a proposal that we will submit on Thursday.  Made some suggestions on positioning, language, and project references to include.  I think it looks good.
  • I had a discussion with a key Director about my proposal to reduce my workweek.   He is generally OK, however is concerned about our pipeline of proposals and who could do the work.  I assured him that I could be flexible if needed.
  • I started a project today that I have been in the process of selling for months now. I do not think it will be too difficult.
  • I prepared for my trip – gathered marketing collateral and brought materials I will need for the meeting.

On the commute home I felt wiped out.  Literally.   I put my head down and took a nap.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I was on my own tonight; Hubby was working late.

  • I picked up Red first since I felt like I needed some alone time with her.  She was excited to show me all of the art that has been piled up in her folder.   I sat with her and we went through each piece and talked about each one together.  She was also thrilled about a little red dinosaur stamp set that you can stamp on paper – she was busy stamping her hands.
  • We picked up Big Bro next.   Red promptly asked him if he wanted a stamp on his hand.  He did.   She was so cute stamping his hand for him.   They played outside on the gate and acted like monkeys.
  • We picked up Twins next.  Twin Husky was all riled up like normal; Twin Crazy seemed a little sick.
  • When we got home we were stamping, sweeping, singing, and dancing while I made dinner.    Big Bro was doing a little bit of sulking since I did not let him have any candy.
  • After dinner the Twins were tired so I got them ready for bed; milk for all; puzzles with Big Bro and Red.
  • Red had a hard time going to bed tonight.   I sat with her a bit and held her, talked to her, and she taught me some sign language.   I asked her if I told her how much I loved her today – today I loved her so much that I squeezed her little finger.
  • I finished the night by packing for my trip.   It will be a short one with no time zone change so it should be easy for me.   I miss my kids already.   I’m already planning on a fun morning with them – walking Big Bro to school with the Twins in a stroller.   I’ll need to make it up to Red when I get back from my trip.Til tomorrow –
    — Mama K
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October 31: I never knew there could be days like this for me

October 31, 2011 by 2 Comments

This is obviously a unique day because of Halloween – but it is also unique to me because I managed to steal time from a work-day to do activities with each of the kids and actually feel like a Mom.

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Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

  • Big Bro woke up and was in our room first.  This is because I mentioned to him the night before that if he was able to get ready quickly this morning, we would RIDE HIS BIKE to school today.    Apparently there is a crowd of kids his age that get to school this way each day and I learned of this from my neighbor over the weekend.   I was going to work from home anyway today because of Halloween so I figured we would try out the bike ride thing.  Big Bro was soooooooooooo excited that he was up first.
  • The morning was typical – breakfast for four and getting everyone ready and out of the house.   I had Halloween shirts out for everyone.   I love Halloween.
  • Then the out-of-the-ordinary began.  I got the Twins dressed and ready and in the stroller.  Big Bro got his helmet on.    The three of us were ready to go!   Red went with Hubby today.
  • We met the gang of kids and literally there were 10 kids in total, including the Twins.    Everyone was on big bikes.  Big Bro was the only one in training wheels but these kids are 1-2 years older than him.  I could sense that he was a bit shy about going but still excited.  Off we went.   The kids were really well-trained.   They zoomed ahead but all knew the spots where to stop and wait for the adults (me and my neighbor).   I was so proud and yes a bit anxious for Big Bro.   He was new to this scene and he was trying real hard to keep up with them.   I was so proud of my little kindergartener.   And I couldn’t believe that I was strolling him (and the Twins) to school — with a coffee in hand.   There was a few times that he lagged behind the group – but there were also a few times when he had a good start off the blocks and swerved around a kid or two to get in a good position.    They all beat us to the school and parked their bikes.   Big Bro came running up to me through the playground and I could not believe the look of joy on his face.  I couldn’t snap a picture fast enough but I’ll remember that face for a lifetime (I hope).    We headed to the yard line up and I gave him a HUGE hug and we made plans for me to be there later that day and also for me to pick him up with his bike.
  • I then strolled the Twins to their daycare.   They enjoyed the drop off and were proud of their Halloween shirts.    I then walked home to work.   I enjoyed the walk.  The quiet.  The dew on the grass.  The look of the leaves on the trees.   Knowing that today was Halloween.   And feeling privileged to have had the opportunity to drop the kids off the way I did this morning.    I always saw all the kids on bikes/scooters, etc.   It’s like a parade around here each morning.   I just never dreamed that I would ever actually take part in any of it.  I just always assumed that I was doomed to the mini-van drop off and the ferry commute to work.    I consciously took a lot of deep breadths on the walk home this morning – taking it all in.   I saw many lone parents walking back to their homes too.   I felt like a mom.
Highlights of My Working Day:
  • I essentially worked a 1/2 day today and will take the other 1/2 off as personal time.
  • I got home at 9 AM and got another coffee and set up.   I immediately started working on a proposal that we need to submit by Thursday.   This is the proposal for the lead I cultivated so I feel a sense of ownership for this one.
  • After an hour I took a break since I wanted to participate in Big Bro’s Halloween festivities at school.   They spent an hour decorating cupcakes and doing other arts and crafts in the class.   Once again, I felt like a Mom.  There were other parents there too, volunteering.   I was on cupcake duty.   I had so much fun with the kids helping them ice and decorate their cupcakes.   Tyler was doing great too – he did not seem anxious at all.  They sent 4-5 kids at a time to the cupcake table and I saw him about halfway through.   He seemed to be doing great with the other activities and did not seem upset or anxious that I was there.   I loved having him at the table during cupcake time.   I loved having the kids laugh with me.   I loved hearing them call me “[Big Bro]’s mommy”.   It was interesting to see the very different personalities of all the kids.   One child came to the table in tears because she was scared we were going to run out of cupcakes…. I spent some extra time with her and towards the end she was laughing.   Towards the end of the hour she was even following me around and taking my hand – I connected with her.   And Big Bro was still busy with all the different crafts.    I loved being there.   The other moms couldn’t believe I was actually going back to work afterwards….
  • I then walked over to the Twins daycare since I left my car keys in the stroller!     I had the GREAT opportunity to see them in action during the day.   Playing with the daycare toys.   We went for a quick walk to the corner where I said goodbye to them.    I just can’t take it they are so cute.   As they were walking they were busy saying words and looking around.   And then I had my second walk home today.    Again the breathing.   Again taking it all in.   Again feeling good that I am a mom and so closeby to all of my kids today.   Knowing that I was able to have special time with each of them today.    Knowing that there is a life outside of the haggard 3-drop off race to the ferry race to the office race back home routine.    I never knew I could have a day like this.
  • Back at home, I finished what I had to do for proposal #1, and then started to re-work a separate proposal.    What happens if we win all of this work?    I cannot deliver against it….. I have fun selling it but I want to pass it off to others to deliver……   we’ll see what happens….
  • I also did admin-related items like set up some meetings and also get my timesheet together.
  • Then it was time for Red.   She is having a Halloween parade today.    I picked up Big Bro and he was so excited to show me his bag of arts and crafts – and his favorite prize was his Halloween pencil.   I was actually taken a bit back by how thrilled he was over a pencil.  Then together we gathered his bike into the van (his request was that he wanted to do that with me).   We head over to Red’s pre-school to see her parade and hand out candy.
  • Red was a little princess dressed as Snow White and proudly holding her teacher’s hand as she made her way around the parade and getting candy from the parent volunteers.   I had Big Bro hand out our candy.    The sun was shining and my kids were happy.

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Dinner and Bedtime:
  • I picked up some rotissarie chicken at the grocery store with my Batman and Snow White.   We picked up the Twins.   We ate quickly and dressed quickly.
  • We made it out without too much trouble.   Twin Crazy was a little princess/fairy and Twin Husky was a skeleton.   Kids were great trick or treating – Red kept holding Twin Crazy’s hand; Big Bro would run ahead but wait for the rest of us at each house; Twin Crazy would keep taking candy until the bowl was pulled back from her; Twin Husky wanted NO PART of candy, however he couldn’t stop touching the decorations, pulling at the lanterns, or picking up and throwing pumpkins.   He really was too much.   The kid was seriously running from house to house destroying the decorations and busting pumpkins.   I drank beer.  It was great.   At home the kids again had more fun giving candy to the trick-or-treaters.   All ate lots of candy tonight and the Twins had their first lollipops.
Everyone had so much fun today; I feel elated since I was able to steal away special time with each child during the day.   This was a day that I didn’t want to end – there were too many special moments.   I’m glad I’m able to capture this here but honestly this really only describes a small sense of how I’m feeling.   There is nothing like seeing your child’s face as he runs up to you to see if you are proud of him, nothing like consoling a child who is scared at the plastic monster with smoke coming out of its mouth, laughing at your toddler as he runs through the neighbors’ yards throwing pumpkins, or seeing your child smile as she sees that you made the trip to see her in her parade.   This was the Twins’ first REAL Halloween where they were able to experience the fun – and the four of them were amazing at staying together and looking out for each other.
Although I don’t want this day to end, my body is aching and I am exhausted; I’m looking forward to winding down and getting ready for tomorrow.
Til tomorrow –
Mama K
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October 28: Rockin’ out with my babes

October 28, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Today is my rebound day! I was going to work from home because of my committment to volunteer for Big Bro’s lunch, but since that is not a good idea anymore (he gets too anxious), I decided to pull myself AWAY from the sterile house and get my butt back into the office where it belongs.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

  • All kids woke up happy. That is usually not the case. For some reason, they ALL walked into our room together this morning. That means that SOMEHOW Big Bro pulled each of the Twins out of their crib. Hmmmm. Not sure if this is such a good idea. I envision trips to the ER with broken bones at some point. Twin Husky has been mentioning that he wants a bed and always spends time in Big Bro’s and Red’s when given an opportunity…. maybe it’s time for toddler beds? Or maybe just enforce a rule that Big Bro and Red cannot go into their room in the morning? It is just a matter of time until Twin Husky scales his way out of the crib. He is so wiry. So feisty in terms of his physical body. And so STRONG!!!! I think toddler beds are the best bet.
  • Twin Crazy was eating so much oatmeal that Hubby took off her PJ’s since it was cascading down her body. When I saw her, she was only in a diaper but still covered in oatmeal. Poor thing. Can you imagine that feeling? I cleaned her off but for some reason she was more concerned about cleaning her hands than anything else. She is really fixated on clean hands lately. I remember the same thing with Red. Maybe its a girl thing.
  • Twin Husky just kept saying “Mommy” as he was eating his cereal. I quietly walked over to him and kissed his cheek as he was eating his cereal and he let out this deep, quiet, laugh.
  • Red and Big Bro were busy eating; I gathered their clothes. We really had to rush this morning.
  • Hubby dropped of Red and I dropped of Twins and Big Bro. Big Bro’s teacher told me how he recited a Halloween poem ALL BY HIMSELF IN THE FRONT OF THE ROOM yesterday. I am so proud of him. This is one step closer to self-confidence that will hopefully eliminate his anxiety in bigger crowds. I think. I hope. Anyway, I am so proud of him and I’ve let him know that. Applauding his effort in knowing the words so well and being so brave to recite it to the class.

Big Bro and Red will be leaving with Hubby on a Halloween trip to Yosemite this weekend. I will miss the older kids. But I will have the Twins to myself this weekend.

Today at work I have to do some thinking of my role, I will also work on a business development proposal, and get my expenses in.

Highlights of My Working Day:

  • I was busy at work so I am soooooo glad that I went in today. I helped some colleagues with ideas on powerpoint visuals (a strength of mine, I believe), I had a follow up call with a client to get feedback from our last meeting and ideas for the next, and also worked on a proposal for strategy work resulting from our last big meeting.
  • I had a lot of interaction with people, laughed a bit, felt productive, and energized.

So pointers to depressed mamas who are working at home: GET OUTSIDE AND INTERACT WITH PEOPLE!!!!!!! I’m glad I made the choice to get to the office.

I am on the ferry now and headed back to see the Twins. Big Bro and Red are off with Hubby for the weekend. What to do with Twins all weekend by myself??? I like that being my only question for myself this weekend!

Dinner and Bedtime:

  • It was a great evening.   I made a quick dinner for the Twins and they ate at their small kitchen table together.   We talked about what they were eating.
  • After dinner I danced around with them a bit.  They loved it.  Twin Crazy completely rocked out.   Twin Husky also was having a good time.
My little two rocking out to U2

My little two rocking out to U2

  • We took a dancing break and had some applesauce.   I caught both of them still knocking their heads around and rocking out to the music.   Sooooooooooo cute.    I guess they like U2.
  • Time just passed and then we did milk and books.   They were ready for bed and laughed and held hands and smiled at each other as I was holding Twin Husky above Twin Crazy’s crib.   It’s a “twin thing”.

I’m now alone on a Friday night solo and loving it.   I’m thinking about what to do.  I suddenly have energy.   I might work on this a bit or maybe read a magazine or maybe watch a movie…. or maybe sew some pants that I recently bought.     I never thought these kinds of things would EVER appeal to me on a Friday night but sadly they do.   But I’m in a great mood – so take it for what it is!

 

Have a great weekend everyone –

Til Monday,

– Mama K

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October 27: SLEEEEEEEP

October 27, 2011 by 5 Comments

This was a bit of a strange day for me. I was moving in slow motion for most of the morning and honestly do not remember much of what happened. Here it goes:

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

  • Big Bro was energetic about his backpack and getting all of his stuff ready for school. He is so cute acting all big and stuff and responsible and excited about his things for school. I love seeing him that way. I wonder how long it will last.
  • Twin Husky had oatmeal all over himself which then required me to give him a proper change of clothes (we usually just send them to daycare in their PJs)
  • Before I knew it, we were late. REALLY late. They all were great in the van and off we went. we were so late that Big Bro was late to his class – he scooted into circle time though without too much trouble.
  • I was working from home today so made it back home, brewed a pot of coffee, ate the kids’ leftover breakfast, and got organized for the day.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I had some conference calls and that essentially freed up alot of my day. I was not feeling well so I slept most of the day away. I decided not to volunteer for Big Bro’s lunch since my being there makes him anxious. I had a follow up conference call to get feedback from one of our last big meetings and also to get ideas for the next one. I arranged my flight for next week.

My job is in flux right now. I was asked today if it would be possible to still have a portion of my time devoted to project delivery. That, seriously, will be the end of me. I simply cannot deliver against project work with four children. I can manage the forum meetings (my new role) and also actively pursue sales of consulting work, but the actual delivery of the work is something I simply cannot do. I’m hoping we can figure out a way for me to be involved in an “advisory” capacity – and I’m hoping my company will be flexible with me. But this was very concerning to me when I had this discussion.

No wonder I essentially slept the day away. The wind has been knocked out of my sails on so many fronts. The only thing I know for certain is that I have four children and that I love them to pieces. Nothing else is certain in my life. This makes me tired just thinking about it….

Dinner and Bedtime:

  • I threw a chicken in the oven tonight. Then I went to pick up the kids. I left early, and took my time to leisurely get each kid and soak in their environment. I love seeing them at the end of the day. The smiles, the “mommy!”, the running into my arms. I wish I could bottle this up. I know things will change as they get older. But for now I look forward to each wet kiss and hug around my leg/waist.

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  • Twin Crazy opened up the refrigerator and took out all of the milk cups for the kids at the table. I couldn’t believe it. She can be sooooo helpful.
  • While dinner was cooking I took the kids on a ride on a blanked across our floor. It is magical for me to hear them all laugh in unison – especially when it’s because of something that I am doing with them.
  • All kids ate well; Twin Husky was a crazy man over the string beans. Big Bro, Red, and Twin Crazy went nuts over chicken legs. No, the chicken did not have 3 legs – Twin Crazy picked up Red’s leftover leg and finished it off.
  • We watched a movie tonight. I got the kids grapes. They sat next to me and on my lap while we watched the movie together.

Believe it or not, even after so much sleep I am exhausted. I just don’t want to think about things. I just want to do things with my kids but after that I can’t wait to curl up and go to sleep. I am in a severe funk and feeling very much alone out here. This house does not feel good to come back to.

Hopefully tomorrow will be more energetic! Maybe I’ll take some vitamins! Or better yet, I might just go into the office and get myself out of this sterile house.

Til tomorrow

-Mama k

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: , , ,
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