Staying Sane – Mama In Motion™

Staying Sane: Celebrate the keepsakes of who you are

June 17, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

Sometimes with work the years go by and you don’t realize how many have passed. The same thing with being a mom… so busy, so little time, giving so much and feeling “selfless” you lose yourself. At least I know I did.

I think it’s important to think back of the experiences you’ve had prior to being a mother. It’s all of these experiences that have brought you to who you are today. I’m a visual person. I am like this with work, with home… I think that’s why I love lists. Anyway, I digress….

Being a visual person has also lead to a small collection of items from my travels over the years. I don’t mean rooms of stuff. I mean certain pieces of things that make memories flood back and make me feel like me. Like a photograph (which I also take a lot of, as you know), just looking at these things bring me back in time – and having the chance to pick them up and hold them and display them for all to see – what liberation.

I’m in the process of divorce and recently moved into my own space. So, the memories are flooding back as I unpack my life that has been boxed up for so many years (different story, for another time… let’s just say that I’ve boxed up pieces of my life in storage and in a garage for the past 8+ years). It feels good to have these things in my hands again. It feels good to have these things on display again. It feels good to look around and see ME. It feels good to have parts of me out in the open again – not closed away, not shoved aside, out for all to see.

A mask from South Africa

A carving of a sun from Mexico

A steel bottle opener from Prague

A pottery vase from Portugal

A rug from Morocco which is now being used in my living room for the very first time! It is amazing! The colors all blend with what I have and it is PERFECT for this room!!!!

A small, small oil painting (2 inch by 3 inch) that I’ve had since a child – probably one of my oldest artifacts from my life

A teapot from London

A little toy from Switzerland that sounds like a cow’s moo when you turn it upside-down

Lots of prints/reproductions that I have yet to get back – I’m looking forward to their return

I’m feeling more myself. It is a terrible feeling to feel like your life has been swept away. I believe many working moms probably feel swept away many times. Like you’ve lost yourself. So maybe it’s the simple things you can do to remind yourself of who you are and what you’ve done to bring you to this point today. Hopefully you have small mementos from your past out in the open… not stuffed away in boxes somewhere. Celebrate who you are!!!

What kinds of things represent parts of your life, parts of your past? Are they visible for you to see and enjoy?

Have a great week everyone –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: art, childhood, memories, souvenir, travel, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: Acts of Kindness

June 10, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

My mom was here over the weekend to help me with the move and getting the house ready. A HUGE act of kindness with so many things that she did to help. My family is always there for each other even when we are far away. It had been some time since her last visit and of course the kids all seemed different to her. One of the biggest differences was the growth in personalities of Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. At almost 2 and a half, they are really little people. They are talking so much and having conversations – to each other and to others. It is wonderful to see this in them. As a mother of twins it is hard to describe and explain the feeling of this stage happening with two of your kids at the same time and with each other.

Twin Crazy is yes, crazy. Very boisterous. Very silly. But also very compassionate. She is extremely empathetic and watches others around her. She comes to the rescue. She comes to me to tell me if a sibling needs my help. She wants to see that everyone is OK and happy. This is important to her.

To me, seeing aspects of such kindness and empathy from my children are too good. I can’t get enough of it. You teach them these things – “that it is important to treat others as you would like to be treated” – and “it is important that we help each other out as a family” — but when I see it in action, it always melts my heart. Yes, I can be furious one minute with one of them but then a tiny voice or a tiny act of kindness from one of them, particularly between each other, is enough to put me back on track.

Just over the weekend Big Bro cared for a chicken from next door, Red helped Twin Crazy wash her hands of mud at our hose, Twin Crazy and Twin Husky held hands on a drive, Twin Crazy continuously expressed that she missed “Batman” (our sick pet guinea pig), Big Bro ran after Twin Husky as he was running after a ball towards the street, Twin Crazy let Twin Husky take a nap in her room since he missed her…. it goes on and on.

Acts of kindness are important not only for the receiver, but for the giver as well. And now I also know that they are good for the observers.

How do you teach your children the importance of acts of kindness? What things does your family do routinely to instill this value in your children?

Have a great week everyone –

– Mama K

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: family, help, kindness, mother of twins, parenting, support, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: Just make a list and bang it out

June 3, 2012 by Mama K 6 Comments

For those that are following this blog, you know that I have more on my plate now than 1) working; and 2) being a mother. I’ve also got 3) a move; 4) a divorce; and 5) child custody efforts. I separate # 5 from #4 because dealing with the kids, their emotions, and the thought of these descisions into the future are soooooooooooooooo critical; money and things can be replaced (e.g., divorce); but the relationships and the safety net you provide to your children are just too important to overlook. So I need to give that the special focus it deserves.

Anyway, the topic of this post. How to manage all of the things going on right now…. how to keep it together without falling to pieces or feeling like a deer in headlights. Well, I do feel like that sometimes. But then my Type A personality kicks in and I just hunker down, focus, make my lists, and bang them out. You can probably tell that I am a big “list maker” just by the way that I write. Most of the time, I do this work at night. After the kids go to sleep. And online. I cut corners and probably sacrifice cost to save me time. I do not have time to bargain-shop when I have so much to get finished.

For example, in the last say 2 weeks, I’ve had to:

buy a minivan
sell a car
start my move
buy two bedroom sets for two rooms for the four children (and put together said furniture….)
buy a refrigerator
buy a washer / dryer
buy a kitchen set
buy a livingroom set
buy a shed
organize a fence/handrail installation
deal with court deadlines and paperwork deadlines
deal with a summer custody schedule that is ambiguous in some of its language
deal with back and forth between lawyers on said ambuiguity
fight with lawyer/ terminate relationship with said lawyer on dealings with said ambuiguity
lead a selling webinar for a forum at work that we are trying to launch
finish a client project and complete a Final Deliverable for our client
weed, weed, weed, weed, weed the grounds of the new house; I mowed a lawn for the very first time ever
buy things I never imagined I would ever own (e.g., electric drill) at Home Depot – make multiple trips to home depot
Start to think about financial mediation and then put that on backburner

I am not saying that I am super human. I am not. And I am floundering in many of the above. But what I am trying to do is compartmentalize the aspects of my life that require ACTION. And also figure out which of the items NEED to get done IMMEDIATELY versus which can wait a bit. Which involve 3rd parties? Which have deadlines? Which do I need to work together with someone else versus what can I do on my own? What can be accomplished at night, on-line, and executed through on-line shopping and delivery to my house? Are there people who can help me (and YES there are and YES I take the help when offered, with MUCH appreciation).

And all along all of this is focusing also on my kids. This must be hard for them. This must be confusing for them. But they are troopers and handling it very well – better than I expected. I guess having four children is great in that they help each other… they look out for each other… they are a bit stronger I suppose than children of smaller families.

And in the list there is the recurring theme of getting the house ready. Inside and out. And I find great pleasure in the outside work. Mowing the lawn. Weeding. I joke about all of the weeds but I think it therapeutic for me to actually do it. I find that attacking that earth in the early morning before it gets too hot is the best time. It is quiet. And I fill up those wheelbarrels and I have time to think about my to-do’s… or not. And many times I have helpers and workers (AKA the kids) and also friends and neighbors. THANK YOU EVERYONE.

So… the things left to do…

hire someone for fence/railings [NEED TO DO SOON]
put shed together [OUTSOURCE… FIND SOMEONE TO DO IT]
hire another lawyer [backburner for now….]
complete the move
get internet set up [installation set….]
get washer/dryer, furniture delivered in one piece [delivery dates set… ]
organize kitchen [Mom to help]
focus on getting some work done at the day job
…
…
…

Have a great week!

– Mama K

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: accomplishment, divorce, home, move, new house, prioritizing, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: SLEEP!

May 28, 2012 by Mama K 3 Comments

I had some really good ideas of subjects to write about for this week’s Staying Sane. And many will still be very relevant in the weeks to come. But what I need to write about now, or at least NOT write about, is the need to listen to your body and give in to the abyss of sleep when you need it.

I need it now.

Moving. Divorce. Bought a car yesterday. Picked weeds beyond belief. Entertained neighbors impromptu. Put together two bedroom sets with the help of amazing friends. Lifting. Sneezing (weeds). Pulling, dragging. More sneezing.

I need to rest. I need to sleep.

I WILL get to those other topics at some point. But for now, I’m going to call it a night and SLEEP.

Have a great week everyone

– Mama K

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: exhaustion, stress, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: Get them to pitch in and help

May 20, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

As you all know the work never really ends for busy working moms. If you are like me, you may have a tough time just sitting down to relax since there is always something to do. This post is not focused on the relaxing that we owe ourselves – rather, it is enabling, allowing, and encouraging our children to take a part and an active role in the duties that they can handle to help out with the workload to run the house.

The kids are now 6, 4, and 2. The 2 year olds think they are helping but of course they add to the work… however Red, who is 4, can actually be very helpful – particularly with her younger brother and sister. She is also extremely willing and eager to help – and is very consistent with her eagerness. Big Bro, now 6 years old, is willing to help but in bursts. The trick with him is to embrace those times when he is hit with one of those bursts and let him ride with it. They all love to “help” cook. They [sometimes] set the table. They work together to clean up toys [most of the time]. I am excited about their growing into older stages and ages to take on more responsibility. To pitch it and be part of a family that all works together in the upkeep of the house and home.

Over the weekend I introduced Big Bro and Red to the new house. There are a lot of things that I want to write about this weekend. It was wonderful. However I want to focus my thoughts on the topic of this post – having the kids help out. Since it was the weekend I met many of the neighbors. Our next door neighbors have two children – an 8-year old girl and a 6-year old boy (only 3 weeks older than Big Bro!!). I really like them, and more importantly, their mother whom is also from the East Coast (Rochester NY). Both she and her daughter described how she starts the laundry, does the folding, cleans up from dinner, etc. etc….. I sat there in awe. Yes, I love these ages where the kids are so young like little rosebuds with their personalities developing and opening — where you learn more about them as each day passes. However, there is something incredible about the thought of these kids actually DOING more and taking [a bit of] the workload off of me. I also love the idea of teaching the children that families work together and the sense of responsibility and pride it can instill in children.

I had the great fortune of introducing the children to our new home this weekend. I wanted them to love it as much as I do… but I didn’t want to rush them. I needed them to wander, explore, and take it in. I wanted them to grow to feel comfortable there. Most importantly, I wanted them to be feel like it was their space too. Through the divorce we are teaching the kids about “two homes” and that they will have daddy’s house to spend time with daddy, and mommy’s house to spend time with mommy. And this was their first time all together to experience this new home. I am teaching them that this is OUR house. Not just Mommy’s house. This house belongs to ALL of us… and that we will work together to make this house a HOME. I’m teaching them that I bought this house for them and for us and our family. And we need to work together as a family to take care of this house. The kids were excited. And they really exceeded any and all of my expectations. They laughed, met the neighbors, made new friends, explored, and yes… they even helped out in their own way:

Big Bro unpacking the weedwacker

Big Bro and Red coming with me to Home Depot to pick out citrus trees, fruit bushes, and other random things

Twin Husky raking up the mulch onto the sidewalk [OK, this was added work for me, but he looked so determined to rake and to “help”]

Red handling the strawberry plants and then also picking out the spots where to plant them

Big Bro working the wheel-barrel and helping clear the weeds for some planting

Big Bro and Red helping to rake a path from our back top deck to the other neighbor’s house with the chickens

Twin Husky watering the planted strawberry bushes

Twin Crazy watering the patio

Big Bro sweeping, sweeping, sweeping and using the dustpan to clean off the entire back porch and driveway

All kids picking up their toys without hesitation when asked

I am so happy with how this weekend turned out. It could have been hard and stressful, but it really was an amazing experience. The kids took everything in stride and went above and beyond where I thought they would go.

This sense of pride in the house and home is something that I will continue to communicate to the children. And also the need to work together as a family. Big Bro was not with me in the afternoon today and he asked me NOT to do any sweeping. So, I’ve got my first “duty” lined up for him on an ongoing basis. I will see what Red would like to “own” as her area of responsibility over time. And of course I will give in to whatever Twin Crazy and Twin Husky gravitate towards in terms of “work”. Our time together in this house will unfold and we will get into our groove that will change and evolve over time. But I am happy to have this home for them and I have worked so hard to get it. It will be natural for me to show the children the importance of this home and teach them to appreciate this house and encourage them each to do their part to help out.

How do you Mamas get your kids involved with household and family responsibilities??? What has worked well to get them engaged and consistent?

Have a great week everybody –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: chores, divorce, helping out, home, parenting, responsibility, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: Remembering the days they were born

May 13, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Working. Mothering. Running, running, running. It’s helpful for me to look back and reminisce on the days my little ones entered my life. I can’t believe how it is possible to barely remember their bodies and the way the looked on those first days – so glad that I am camera-happy and seeing these photos helps the memories flood back and bring me happiness.

Happy Mother’s Day Mamas!!!!

Big Bro:

Red:

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky:

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: parenting, twins, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: Celebrate!

May 6, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

It was Red’s birthday over the weekend and Big Bro has one coming up this week; so we had a joint-birthday celebration for the two of them over the weekend.

I’ve always been excited about birthdays. It really is a momentous time, and not just about a cake and a gift. Its the celebration of someone’s life. It’s about showing that you care about that person – that you see that person – and that they are special to you and they mean something to you. And that hopefully you are a better person because their life is intermingled with your own.

So I make my kids’ birthdays special. I try to make them FEEL special during their day. Waking up with a helium balloon tied to their bed, walking downstairs with a string of balloons on the railing, the cake, the special dinner, the extra hugs and kisses.

This year my kids celebrated with their friends, scooters, cake (of course), going out to breakfast, going to a museum, going out to dinner, getting ice-cream, and getting THEIR FIRST PET. Yes, I caved and we went to PetCo and bought a pet. The animal that appeared to be best for our young kids was a guinea pig and we sat there with one and each of the kids held it and pet it. They all wanted him. He is black. We named him Batman.

So I’m typing this after a very full weekend, and with Batman in my room. It’s been only half a day and his cage already stinks. Or, maybe I’m just not used to the smell yet. Maybe it will get better. But the kids love him so far, and they are excited about caring for him and cleaning up his poops. Let’s see how long that lasts.

Staying sane? I know. I’m questioning that too.

Have a great week all –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: birthday, first pet, guinea pig, parenting, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: Ride like the wind

April 29, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

This weekend was a big weekend for Big Bro and Red. They are turning 6 and 4 soon, and co-parent decided to go out this weekend and get them suited up for their birthday presents…. new bicycles! So we grabbed the last bike that was big enough for Big Bro – a stretch actually – with gears and front/back handle breaks and all. We also suited up little Red in a fancy pink REAL bike with training wheels – and tassels to boot.

Because of these purchases, we were hanging out quite a bit in the cul-de-sac courtyard behind our house this weekend. It is safer there and there are two houses of young kids. At first I was just camping out with the rest watching the kites, balls, bicycles, scooters, and running of the kids. And then Big Bro asked about his gears. And I started to teach him about them. But he had some problems turning the gears. So I got on his bike to learn how to do it myself. I spun around the courtyard and felt the wind in my face and then realized I needed to focus on learning the gears or else Big Bro would be disappointed. So I got that down, but then continued to ride. Around the cul-de-sac again and going faster and riding riskier and pedaling faster. My heart beating and hearing the wind now.

This has been the most exercise I’ve gotten in too long of a time.

So I had to give the bike up. But then thought to myself – I’m going to grab MY bike — funny though. It is a mountain bike. And I have not rode on it in literally 7 or 8 years. So when I went to check it out, both tires were flat beyond repair and the cobwebs likely choked up the chains. So I grabbed co-parent’s bike.

I came blasting around the bend into the courtyard at warp speed (or at least I felt that way). My leg muscles felt good to be awake. My heart was pounding, my hair was shoved into my helmet but still flying around, the sun was on my skin and I was having FUN. I grabbed Big Bro and we took two loops around our neighborhood. I was talking to him as we went about the gears and the uphills and the downhills; he took to it so quickly and I had so much fun riding around with him.

So now I have another thing to add to my “to-do” list: Get my own bike tuned up and fixed.

The exercise felt good. Being outside in the fresh air felt good. The sun felt good. Being with my son and the kids felt good. But the speed and the freedom and yes the tiny bit of recklessness was AMAZING. I’m looking forward to more of it and maybe shedding some pounds.

What do you Mamas do for exercise? What activities do you find liberating?

Have a great week to all –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: bicycle, exercise, freedom, happiness, son, speed, sunshine, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: Soak it in

April 22, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

I was traveling for work all last week. I missed the kids but was busy with clients all week. I talked to the kids on Monday night and Tuesday night which was fun. I was not able to talk to them the rest of the week due to difficulties with co-parent.

So I was feeling a little lost by the end of the week. This changed during my return.

I walked into the house while Red was crying over something. As soon as she saw me she stopped crying and ran to me smiling. Big Bro gave me a big hug. Twin Crazy was excited. Twin Husky just walked around aimlessly and went over to play with the hose. I had to go to him and ask him where I could kiss him, he pointed to the top of his head, so that’s where I went with a big kiss.

The kids were all playing outside with water and sprinklers – and all with no clothes on. No inhibitions. Just themselves. Nothing to hide behind. Playing and enjoying the water. And laughing. And I was glad to be back with them.

And later that evening, Twin Crazy came to me and sat on my lap and gave me a HUGE hug and would not let go and started singing to me. And I just sat there with her rocking her and not interrupting her song.

Imagine how I felt.

The rest of the weekend felt the same way. Even if the kids were not singing so directly. Smiles. Requests for help. Holding my hand. Wanting me to come on a walk too. And usually I am boisterous and initiating the craziness. But this time I was still wiped out and just wanted to see them in a pure state. They were the leaders and I the follower.

And I felt happy to be back with them again.
Great week to all –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: parenting, work travel, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: Enjoy nature

April 15, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Sometimes getting back to basics is just what the doctor ordered. Being outside. Breathing in fresh air. Listening to the birds sing. Hearing a wave against a rocky shoreline. Even if the kids are acting up you can still steal a moment to yourself to close your eyes, breathe in the air, and feel the sun on your face.

Some ideas –

go on a picnic.

teach your child about flowers, how they grow, how they live. See how many colors you can find in the flowers around you.

go for a walk/hike/bike/scooter ride.

Investigate bugs in your backyard.

start a garden.

take a few minutes and don’t think about skin damage and lay on the lawn towards the sun. Feel the sun on your face and on your body.

go to a farm and u-pick the fruit/veggie featured

take a walk along a babbling brook

take a hike and look at the tall trees

sidewalk chalk/waterpaint/kick balls outside in your yard with your kids. Take a break and sit down to watch their play.

go outside in the rain and jump in the puddles. Look up to the sky and feel the rain on your face.

What else can you add to the list??!?!??! What small moments of outside activity bring peace/relaxation to break up your busy week?

Have a great week everyone –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: nature, parenting, relax, sanity, sunshine, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: Celebrate the keepsakes of who you are

Staying Sane: Acts of Kindness

Staying Sane: Just make a list and bang it out

Staying Sane: SLEEP!

Staying Sane: Get them to pitch in and help

Staying Sane: Remembering the days they were born

Staying Sane: Celebrate!

Staying Sane: Ride like the wind

Staying Sane: Soak it in

Staying Sane: Enjoy nature

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