Nuf said.
Happy Easter!
– Mama K
Staying Sane: Playdough on a Rainy Day
March 25, 2012 by 1 Comment
Yesterday it was raining. Hard. All day. What to do with four young kids on a rainy day? Something that EACH kid will enjoy? Something that could occupy them for a LONG time? Something they could play together or in parallel? PLAY DOUGH!!!
Let me tell you I took out our play dough gear (pretend oven, rolling pins, cut out shapes) but then saw that we had only one container of play dough left. And then it got worse. We opened it up and it was old, crusty, and a mixture of probably 20 different remenants of other colors. So it was a pasty, brown/grey glob of depressing playdough.
So I decided to search the internet to figure out how to make it. There are several recipes out there. Many require tarter and cooking. That was not for me. So, I tried the SIMPLEST recipe I could find:
Ingredients:
– 1/4 cup salt
– 1/4 cup water
– 1 cup flour
– food coloring
Add ons:
– glitter
– hard pasta (for poking)
– markers
Directions:
Combine salt and flour, then add water and food coloring and combine until the right consistency (add more water if needed).
We made several batches and the kids were entertained off and on through the day for at least 4 hours. Not lying. Not exaggerating. There were balls, snakes, lines of playdough, cutting, poking hard pasta in it, making pizza, making animals.
I loved it since all four of the kids were playing – sometimes together, most of the time in parellel. They were sharing colors, exchanging supplies, sometimes working together on making lines of dough balls, etc. Big Bro made an “ocean” scene with a wave and everything. I was impressed at his creation (it is drying today – he wants to keep it).
And I had fun making it with them and also playing make believe about how delicious the pizza was, teaching the twins how to roll balls, and combining colors.
We put it in zip lock bags afterwards and it seems OK today; probably won’t last too much longer though.
So next time you need something quick to do with young kids – take out the dough! It honestly was so easy and the kids got a charge out of making it and then playing with it. Might even work well with older kids who want to create something and then set it out to dry.
HAVE FUN
– Mama K
Staying Sane: Read
March 18, 2012 by 8 Comments
“We should read to give our souls a chance to luxuriate.” – Henry Miller
I remember several years ago when Big Bro ALWAYS had problems going to sleep at night. He would either fight with us or play or talk or sing himself to sleep. That issue seemed to fix itself when he stopped taking afternoon naps and now, falls into bed exhausted. He often is snoring as Red is still awake. I remember my mother talking to him about it and saying that she sometimes reads books to help her relax to go to sleep. He replied back to her that “I guess I’m just going to have to sing until I am able to learn how to read.” I thought that response was so cute. And now we’re on the cusp of him having to be able to do this… he’s reading beginner books from school and is also busy learning how to write. I’m excited that we have books to rely on if he becomes difficult at bedtime. And maybe I’ll get him a booklight for his birthday in May.
Well, now Red has been our “problem child” in terms of transitions and sleep. I’ve been writing about this for several days/weeks now, since it’s hard to ignore when you feel like you’re dealing with a newborn again – one who refuses to sleep at night and also wakes up in the middle of the night. It’s difficult trying to manage this while co-parenting since we likely have different approaches. She got used to holding a hand (which did not come from me, but was still something that I’ve had to deal with). Over time Red and I have started with a consoling “rock” to sleep and have migrated to a quick “rock” and then me watching her, and then leaving her to come back and check on her, to last night….. I suggested that she look through a book to help her relax. She decided on a “princess” book and she obliged my request. She lay in her bed, quiet and still, while holding and leafing through a book looking at pictures and likely re-telling the story to herself inside her head. She drifted off to sleep by herself. She is having a problem with nap time now and I again suggested a book. So sweet. She is flipping through the pages, relaxing her body, and is close to sleep. [Update: She is now snoring. Books by her side.]
And I’m sure many if not all of us have instituted a nighttime ritual with our children of reading a short story or book before their bedtimes. It winds them down. It signals a break from their day. It is quiet and engaging and peaceful.
*****
So for working mothers: When is the last time YOU’VE actually read a book? I mean from beginning to end? And not an article about baby food or pediatrician advice or anything baby related, child related, or pregnancy related? Or even Blogs. I mean a good old fashioned hardcover, softcover, or maybe iPad or Kindle version of words into sentences into stories…..???!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I know that our time during the day is an issue. I recognize that. But for those that are not imbibing in the written word maybe there’s a way to make the time at the end of the day? Or maybe sneak in some time during a commute to work? Maybe the trick is to find books with short chapters, or short sub-chapters, or simple easy to digest books? Or are downloadable books really the way to go?
Over the last two years I’ve read lots on kids, babies, even some People mags…. but there have been a few books that have made my list as well:
– The Twilight Series. All four books. A very easy read and I personally love vampires. The only thing about this was that it was extremely difficult to relate to the high-school characters. I had a hard time dealing with the petty drama that came along with the characters but overall, it was entertaining.
– The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series by Stieg Larsson. I highly recommend these. Short chapters. Interesting story. Interesting, likeable characters. You can squeeze in 10 minutes at the end of each day and make progress through the books since the writing is easy to follow and the sub-chapters are short and manageable.
– Ann Rice Vampire books – these were heavier in terms of writing style but extremely enjoyable reads. Again, my vampire facination is coming out a bit so you’re seeing a part of me that is new.
I’m thinking about looking into the True Blood novels next.
So anyway, I’m finding through my kids and through myself that reading does relax. It obviously transports you into a different world which can be a godsend when times seem too difficult to navigate. Escaping in a good book, or at least an easy book, might be the cheapest medicine (and therapy) one can buy.
What are you Mamas out there reading? Any suggestions for other Mamas on books that you think are easy to get through and worth a try to keep you calm and centered?
Thanks for listening –
– Mama K
Staying Sane: Start your morning the night before
March 4, 2012 by 5 Comments
This is something so obvious and already known to be true by all working mothers out there. So I really don’t know why I’m going to write about this. You already know it. But maybe it is a rule that is so important that it is I guess good to reinforce from time to time.
Getting out of the door is not easy with kids. Hell, it isn’t easy by yourself sometimes (e.g., where did I leave my keys? I don’t like this outfit… maybe this one…. I didn’t charge up my phone…. ugh). Add kids to the mix, and add a busy commute, multiple drop offs to daycare/school, some crankiness (from you and/or the kids), runny noses, temper tantrums, milk spilt on the floor, lunches, and kids hanging onto your legs… now THAT’s a recipe for disaster.
It is clear to every working mother that the most obvious thing to do when you are faced with situations that can so quickly go out of control, is control whatever you can in advance to hopefully streamline and make your life easier when you know you will need it.
In our house, the LAST ferry leaves at 8:30. There are THREE drop-offs for our FOUR children. Not fun. Plain and simple. Actually, it sucks. That’s all there is to it. But, I’ve managed to put some structure in place the night before to make things easier for us in the scramble of the morning… .if you’ve been reading the daily journal here, you already be familiar with much of the routine. The list below is a full list and I certainly do not follow everything at all times…. although I probably should.
dressed themselves in the AM. When they were younger, just having the piles ready for us to change them were good enough.
So, that is just a summary of the run-down that you may have read before in some form or another. This is the easiest rule as ANY parent knows when you are trying to leave the house with a child. Make sure that anything that can be organized and put together is done so the night before the morning rush with the child. You learn this very quickly. And I guess managing the diaper bag is the first part of training for any working parent.
As a working mother, what other things do you take care of the night before to make your commute easier??? Or to make your morning with your kids run smoother and less stressful???
Sorry for this cop-out of an entry. I know you did not learn anything new. This is Working Mother 101 here. But, maybe we can learn a few more tricks from other mamas out there….
Thanks for listening –
– Mama K
Staying Sane: Rest
February 26, 2012 by Leave a Comment
There are certain things that the body and soul need to refuel and recharge. Food. Water. Sugar. Chocolate. Laughter. Sunshine. Sex. Rest. I want to focus on the last since I did receive a lot of rest this weekend with and around the kids. There was also a lot of laughter and chocolate (but alas no sex) but I digress. 🙂
Having a job is hard work. They call it “work” for a reason. Having children is also hard work. When you have one child, every spare moment is spent obsessing about the one child – very little goes to yourself. Then number two rolls around, and by the time numbers three and four come into the world, the notion of rest seems elusive but honestly does become possible.
Saturday:
Sunday:
So, there was activity and laughter and reflection over the weekend, and also a lot of REST. To recharge. To take a break. To pause and witness the kids smiles and laughter. And to see them be kids, and be kids with each other.
And in looking back at other photos in my photo-stream, here are some other highlights of recent restful moments with my babies —
How do you re-charge? What does “rest” mean to you? How are you able to grab times of rest during your busy week????
Thanks for listening –
– Mama K
Staying Sane: Learn something new
February 19, 2012 by 1 Comment
As working mothers I think we can all say that we’ve been guilty of diving too deeply into the roles of worker and / or mother and have lost ourselves at some point. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize and when a pattern is established, it’s hard to pull yourself out. It’s the same thing, day after day after day. But it doesn’t have to be. Just look at our children. Their days can be routine as well – in fact as we know, they typically thrive on routine. But what is it that fills their days (besides eating and pooping). Play. Learning. Exploring. Developing an understanding of the world around them. Over time it’s easy to forget the excitement in learning something new. Some people reject the concept altogether. But I love looking at wonder in a child’s eyes as you teach them something – it can be something simple. How does the clothes washing machine work? Where does food come from? What makes cars? Oh my goodness I can crawl… walk… run… jump… ride a bike… read…..
There has been a lot of learning in our household recently –
Taking trips to museums and zoos and learning about fish, dinosaur bones, moon rocks, alligators, painting, coloring, using scissors, seeing frogs jump, brushing goats, singing happy birthday, balancing on balance beams….
I think I have stayed in my profession as long as I have because it is something new — with every project and every year. Traveling to far away places to see different ways of living and experiencing new worlds has always been a thrill for me. I have always loved and admired people in much older generations that still embrace learning – embrace the internet, find a purpose for each new day, and continue to seek out new experiences. As people we need this. What comes so naturally for children becomes more difficult and maybe we have to try harder to push ourselves into the new and different – but how else do you grow? Or maybe some people don’t need this? It is OK to stay the same? Be content with where you are and what you know? Seek comfort in the safety for not striving for something more?
Where do fall along this continuum?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently since I will have some new found time freeing up in my life in the near future due to divorce. The time away from my children saddens me, but I am slowly starting to anticipate this time as a time for me. And part of that time I will invest in learning something new. I thought about music classes, cooking classes, …. but have settled on art. I think I’m going to take a water color painting class — we’ll see how these thoughts progress over time.
What about you?
What do you do to live more like your children and learn, explore, and discover the world around you? Does this make you happier and more balanced?
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts –
Thanks for listening –
Mama K
Staying Sane: Celebrate
February 12, 2012 by 1 Comment
The days come and the days go but every now and then there comes a day that is special. With young children, the birthdays are special times. I’ve always been very big with birthdays. It is a time to stop and to focus on an individual and celebrate the person and the fact that the person is in your life. I love the days leading up to a birthday – especially the days leading up to a child’s birthday.
Today was one of those days, and it was a double-special day, in many ways. Our twins turned two. Two bodies, two lives, a brother and a sister, celebrating their second year of life. I remember when we found out we were having twins, and then the day they were born (Twin Crazy at 6 pounds 5 ounces, and Twin Husky at 6 pounds 12 ounces), and many of the days leading up to today.
They knew it was their birthday. They would raise their hands when we asked whose birthday it was. Twin Husky has been walking around for several days now practicing his “happy birthday” tune. And the cutest thing is that when I would ask one whose birthday it was, they would say their sibling’s name first. I think that’s amazing. A pair. A set. Two children. Two years.
So in the midst of day-to-day life, and life’s ups and downs, and endings and new beginnings, it was wonderful for me to stop and take the day to celebrate the lives of two people that have forever changed my life. My goal was to make it special for them – and they both said they had a great day. We had a small party with close friends and young kids – and the cake and ice-cream overflowed and we let everyone indulge.
So to my twins who are growing up so fast, Happy Birthday to you and thank you for these years and thank you for giving me a reason to be thrilled for this weekend!
Love you both dearly –
– Mama
Staying Sane: Friendship
February 5, 2012 by 1 Comment
Our lives can be so hectic between kids, work, and issues big and small all around us — pausing and connecting with friends has kept me sane this weekend. And also seeing the budding friendships between my kids.
Saturday
I woke up to Big Bro and Red laughing. They decided to swap bodies from Star Wars’ R2-D2 and C-3P0 and were cracking up. Big Bro and Red went with me to the library and they were buddies picking out books together. Later that day, I took all four of them visit a friend who goes back several lifetimes ago in my life — I used to work with her during my 2nd job out of school, when in NYC. She is one of those kind of people you never forget. You don’t know quite what to make of her when you first meet her – if you can even understand her (she is Scottish) – but within minutes you realize what a special and genuine person she is. Smart, funny, quick on her feet. She is a keeper. Despite not seeing her for just under 20 years, when she moved out West last year we met up and it felt like time did not go by – except we brought all of these little humans into the world.
Well, the kids and I went to her home to visit with her family and for the first time I met her 12 year old daughter (towering over me) and reunited with her husband and son. We also met their dog, rabbit, and guinea pig. The kids had a great time and I had a great time for other reasons. I felt at home even having been at their place for the very first time. For being around people where I share a common past; being with people who are easy going and welcoming and where I know I can create future laughs with. This felt good to me. It felt right. And I felt good road-tripping with the four kiddos who were so well behaved and so enraptured by the animals.
Sunday
In the morning I met Red and Big Bro resting quietly on the couch; then they erupted with feet fights and giggles. A great way to start my day. Big Bro got hurt when Red accidently stepped on his hair – and Twin Crazy sat with me and caressed his head to console him. Friendship. So sweet. They are empathetic at such a young age. I love it.
A shared the day with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky, along with one of my closest friends here, whom I also work with. We shared our first day of work together, almost 8 years ago. Since then, we have laughed and participated in bachlorette parties, weddings, pregnancies, back to work blues… you name it. I confided in her and one other person 100% through all of 2011. She cried with me in my office through the year. She understands me and believes in me.
We spent the day with her picnicing, going to playgrounds, and feeding ducks. Twin Crazy fell in love with my friend’s son, or at least scored her first boyfriend. The connection between the twins was sweet and endearing – again we received lots of looks. At night I had a quiet evening with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. Bathtime was quiet, and they enjoyed each other.
*****
So thank you to all of my friends from the weekend and also everyone who have been reaching out to me. It means a lot. I am O.K. I am strong enough to rebuild. But I ache for my children – so put your thoughts there. And thank you to my friends near and far, and those that I have not seen in awhile, those whom I’ve had for a very long time and those whom I’ve met just recently.
And thank you to the children who show me every day what it means to be a friend – laughing, taking care of each other, sometimes being frustrated but in the end always being there.
So in staying sane don’t forget who your friends are in the midst of your busy lives. You may reach out to someone when they need you the most!
Have a good week everyone –
– Mama K
Staying Sane: A dose from family
January 23, 2012 by Leave a Comment
I just spent the past 5 days with my mother and my brother (and the kiddos) celebrating belated Christmas. They both live on the East Coast so it is always a treat when we see each other face-to-face. We are a close family, despite the distance. During the past year we’ve been on the phone more frequently, and over the past few weeks, we talk daily.
Given recent circumstances, it is clear that I will be living in a high cost-of-living area for the long-haul and also far, far away from my family. This is not what I wanted for myself or for my kids. Phone, Skype, and Facetime will become standard modes of communication in my house. My kids love my family – my mom, dad, step-mom, step-dad, and brother — and talk of them frequently. The relationships are fun and effortless. The support given is unwavering and consistent.
My family is my foundation right now – as well as my friends from my roots. They hear me, understand me, and believe in me. They know I can do this. They know this is happening for the right reasons. They cannot believe the story or what I have endured. But they are there — even though they are physically so far away. Me, four children, and no family closeby – if anyone can do this, I can. I know I can. So bring it on.
So I will treasure these doses of family when I am lucky to get them. And they will help me stay sane and grounded when I feel out of place. And I will take pictures during their visits and use technology for communication to my advantage. And I’ll also sign the kids up for frequent flyer accounts and book my travel months in advance! 🙂
Here’s to family and the help and support they give – thanks Mom, thanks Michael for taking the trip out here. I’m looking forward to the next visit…
– Mama K
Staying Sane: Take a break, feel strong, and revel in the NOW
January 15, 2012 by 3 Comments
I had a weekend alone. No kids. Hubby took them to his home town for the long weekend and it did not make sense for me to go, and I would not have wanted to go anyway.
This gave me an opportunity to go through an entire weekend ALONE. This is the first time I’ve had time like this to myself in probably in 8+ years – pre-kids, pre-marriage, pre-dating. It was nice. It was quiet. But overall, I feel at peace. Right now I have MY music playing on an iPod, and I’m in MY room, with my heating blanket on – so very comfy and warm. Yes, I miss my children. But I know they are in good hands and enjoying themselves. So no worries there. But I do miss the interaction, talking with them, hugging them, and having them make me laugh. But strangely, I do not feel alone. I think its because I know they are coming back to me. This separation with my children is not forever. It is a break. And I could use a break right now.
So what did I do this weekend?
- I went to a cirque-de-soliel show about Michael Jackson (thanks Karin!!) and sat in complete wonder about his amazing talent. I was more enthralled by the music and the editing / streaming of his songs than the show itself. I miss him. I miss his antics. I miss his personality. I’m saddened that someone who was larger than life is no longer with us.
- On the same night, me and Karin went to a favorite diner at 12 midnight. I got home at 1 AM and crawled into a warm, cozy bed.
- I woke up late on Saturday morning….
- and then met a friend (thanks Julie!!) for a massage…..
- and then had flower tea….
- and then played with her children and had dinner at their house. I’ve known Julie’s husband since I was 11 years old. It feels good to get back to my roots. To talk and feel understood, completely understood. No uphill battles. No negotiation for position. It was just an enjoyable night with children’s laughs and easy conversation. I missed my kids and their daughter reminded me too much of Twin Crazy. So that part was hard, but I’m looking forward to spending more time with them and their family. Being around like-people make it easier for me to heal and find the anger to move forward. I got home with enough time to get some personal things done.
- Sunday morning I again woke up late….
- I quickly got up and got out of the house. Big coffee, big bagel and cream cheese. And I worked all day at Starbucks. I feel good. I feel strong. And angry.
- I called it a day and then bought some eyeglasses. I have not replaced my pair of glasses in over 2 years – so I am long overdue for a pair. It will be good to see things clearly again. Lifting the fuzziness – seeing into the distance and knowing where I am going. I’m aching for clarity.
So now I sit – I thought the kids were coming home today but it was a misunderstanding. It is about that time that I go to sleep. Tomorrow morning will be a deathly-quiet morning.
I am not in mourning. That happened during 2011. I no longer ache for what could have been. That is over now. All of those possibilities and dreams that I thought were in reach are completely off of the table now. I cannot influence any of that anymore, and that is OK. I will not look into the past and feel depleted any longer. I will look into the future and feel strong. Yes, I am scared for the unknown and for the decisions that others will place upon my life. But I will fight for what I believe is best for my family, as always. And I will focus on my children’s feelings and their experience of loss – which will be extremely difficult but I will be there for them.
I’ve had my rest, I’ve had my time to myself. And it was wonderful. And I am thankful for my friends who have reached out to me from all over the place. And even friends that I did not expect to hear from — telling me that they understand me. It means so much after being through so long of a period where I felt like I was not being listened to and not understood at all.
So, enough of that and let’s appreciate the NOW and keep optimistic and strong for the future.
Thanks for listening –
– Mama K
