Staying Sane: The holiday card that was never sent, and some M&Ms

January 2, 2012 by 4 Comments

I was struggling a bit for a topic for this Sunday’s Staying Sane piece. Not that there isn’t something to write about… just the contrary. The end of 2011… a year of new beginnings with 2012, goals, commitments we are all making to make ourselves and our families happier…. yes, there is a lot going through my mind and I have a lot to write about. But in due course.

What I decided to do is focus on some fun and folly. And also me dropping the ball on cards this year.  For friends who receive cards from us faithfully year after year, you will notice, or maybe you have not noticed, that our card this year did not make it out.  We tried.  Honestly we did.   We were lucky to have a calendar put together this year.  In fact, I still have some gifts I need to get together.   So, don’t take it personally.  It’s not you, or your family, we love all of you and we did receive your card, and my how the kids are growing and everyone looks so happy.

OK.   Now that that is done, let’s get back to our card that was never sent out.  Well, we like to put a photo of the kids in it.  And that involves a photo-shoot and stiff garments.   So we need to bribe the kids.   It started with bribery of some animal house crackers before the photo shoot and the promise for more after the shoot. Now, just imagine trying to wrestle FOUR kids under 5.5 yrs old into itchy clothes, some of which make them look like guido mobsters.  And THEN ask them to look happy, look forward, get together, Big Bro you’re doing great, no don’t walk off Twin Husky, come on guys, Red please smile — why are you pouting, try to get together guys, look happy, OK everyone look over here, over HERE, OVER HERE GUYS, I promise we’ll get cookies, why don’t I just go behind the photo drop and you can sit on my lap, etc. And this is what you get:

After about 10 minutes of this, we called off the photo shoot and just hoped that we got something reasonable – didn’t have to be great, just reasonable. I took them all downstairs for their animal crackers. That’s when I came across the M&Ms…. and it hit me. I started to hand them out. The kids started to look energized. Their dark, sullen, tired eyes started to brighten up and they started to look like sweet little picture-book kids with leaps and bounds of energy — even the guidos…..

We turned around and I instructed all kids to get upstairs for Photo Shoot #2, pronto!!!  Now just see if you can envision the sight…. four kids in a parade back up the stairs with me following them with our jug of left-over Halloween candy, searching for more of those little M&M packets as I’m running up the stairs behind them.

And then we saw happy kids. Really. All four of them. And they were interacting. And smiling. And giggling. And acting goofy. And feeding off of each other’s energy. And glowing. And this is what we got:

And during this craziness, we got so many great pictures, with ALL of them looking forward, with ALL of them reasonably close to each other, with ALL of them smiling from ear to ear.   And in the stream of pictures we took, we captured IT:

So, I am going to keep this M&M thing in my back-pocket in the future. For big occasions. For times when I need cooperation with all four of them. And I think I’m going to keep a jar of them for me, out of sight for little hands to grab as their own.

Happy new year everyone – I hope you take 2012 by storm!

– Mama K

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Staying Sane: Removing stains a womanly way

December 18, 2011 by 2 Comments

On Friday, I was flying from the West Coast to Florida to attend my father’s 65th (surprise) birthday party. As far as the party, yes, he was surprised at the party itself, and the fact that both me and my brother flew there to celebrate it with him (my brother is from the Northeast).

Friday’s flight was good for several reasons. I was able to relax, by myself, with no graham cracker dust on me or at my feet, with no other little people for me to entertain and keep well fed. No strollers to check. No bags to check. It was me, my handbag, and my carry-on bag. So sweet.

Another good thing was that my ink pen exploded. You would normally think that this would be a drag, but because of this ill-fated explosion, I was able to meet someone on the flight and actually learn an amazing trick that I am hoping some of you have never heard of……

So, thanks to Mama N from US Airways who taught me this trick about stain removal.

  • Club soda, seltzer water is the key ingredient. [I know you are thinking, I KNOW this already. What is so great about this secret???!?!??]
  • The trick to clean stain removal is POURING the club soda/ seltzer water (above) into a SANITARY NAPKIN.
  • scrub away, and reapply club soda/seltzer water as needed until the stain is removed

    • 20111218-165623.jpg

    Now, are you thinking, “gross!!”? If I know this audience at all, you are working mothers. So no. You are not thinking “gross”. Why a sanitary napkin? If you were to use a regular napkin, paper towel, or rag, it would be likely that the napkin/towel/rag would leave pieces of itself behind as you were scrubbing. With a sanitary napkin however, the sanitary napkin absorbs the club soda/seltzer but the outside of the napkin is smooth and does not fall apart. Therefore, you can scrub to your heart’s content and feel comfortable that the article you are cleaning will not have a messy white mess on it after cleaning.

    Ingenious!!!

    Thank you Mama N from US Airways and somewhere above the mid-west at the time I learned this!!!! As a flight attendant and a mother herself, she has assured me that this little tip/trick has saved her on many occasions, as well as her kids and her passengers.

    Hopefully we’ll be learning more tips and tricks from her in the future!

    Have a great week everybody!!
    – Mama K

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    Staying Sane: Easy things to do with your kids during the Holidays

    December 11, 2011 by 1 Comment

    OK, it’s Sunday. I usually post a “Staying Sane” piece but this week I’m going to cheat and “borrow” someone else’s terrific idea and add to it. I came across this blog entry and shared it on the Mama In Motion Facebook page. But I think it’s worthy of posting here as well – since we have 2 weeks to go until Christmas, and tensions at this point may be running high for you as a working mother. We all can use any ideas to help stay sane.

    Try to take it easy on yourself. Outsource the shopping to your computer and/or Amazon. Do your cards through USPS and they can put them in envelops and stamp and send them for you. If you are like me, we try too hard to do everything for everybody; BUT, I don’t think we need to put pressures on ourselves to be super-women when it comes to providing a good, memorable experience for our children.

    I saw the below list (Source: http://www.domesticsimplicity.com; http://wp.me/pfg42-N) and so much resonated with me — there a lots of fun things to do with the kids that aren’t huge projects but could create memorable traditions. Take a look and maybe you’ll see something new; I’ve added my thoughts at the bottom. Add yours too!

    Thanks for listening –

    – Mama K

    Source: http://www.domesticsimplicity.com; http://wp.me/pfg42-N

    50 Things To Do With Kids in December:

    1. Go out and look at Christmas lights
    2. Bake cookies
    3. Pick out and put up the Christmas Tree
    4. Decorate the Christmas Tree
    5. Make an Ice Wreath
    6. Make Cinnamon Applesauce and/or Salt Dough ornaments
    7. Make and decorate gingerbread houses
    8. Sing Christmas Songs
    9. Visit Santa
    10. Buy and donate toys for Toys For Tots
    11. Help to wrap presents for friends and family
    12. Act out the Christmas story
    13. Make Reindeer Food
    14. Make homemade Christmas color/glitter play dough (and scent it with peppermint) to give to friends
    15. Make and decorate gingerbread people
    16. Make popcorn and cranberry garland
    17. Go on a sleigh ride
    18. Make paper chains for the Christmas tree
    19. Write a letter to Santa
    20. Watch a holiday movie
    21. Check out holiday books at the library
    22. Leave out shoes for St. Nicholas
    23. Eat Candy Canes
    24. Hang stockings on the mantle or banister
    25. Put out the Nativity Scene
    26. Address and Mail holiday cards
    27. Pick a special family ornament for the year
    28. Make a special plate for Santa’s cookies and the reindeer’s carrots
    29. Go to see The Nutcracker
    30. Go to a holiday parade
    31. Go to a candy store for a holiday treat
    32. Tie bells with ribbons and hang them around the house
    33. Make cards and gifts for teachers
    34. Go to the dollar store and pick gifts for family
    35. Make special cards to send to cousins
    36. Have a Random Acts of Kindness Day(s)
    37. Make cards to send to troops or to bring to a nursing home
    38. Grocery shop just to take to a food bank or donation boxes
    39. Learn a Christmas song on the guitar or piano
    40. Make a present for Santa
    41. Celebrate the Winter Solstice
    42. Make Winter Tea
    43. Make/Put out food for birds and squirrels
    44. Make orange and clove pomanders
    45. Look through favorite Christmas Cards from friends and family from years past
    46. Start a garland or photo album with your own family holiday cards from years past
    47. Prep and freeze a special breakfast for Christmas morning
    48. Make hot chocolate balls
    49. Make snow globes
    50. Do research on holiday traditions around the world and choose one to add to family traditions

    Mama K’s additions:

    51. Have the kids draw a picture for Santa to leave out on Christmas Eve

    52. Have the kids dress in red and/or green on several days leading up to Christmas

    53. Make Christmas socks (simpler than shirts) — white socks with red and green dye; who cares what they’ll look like, the kids will probably love them anyway

    54. Have your kids draw the present they would like Santa to bring to them

    55. Have your kids make cards for their teachers

    56. Make home-made hot chocolate and put a candy-cane on the top for them

    57. Get red and green ice-cream — strawberry or vanilla (and add food colooring) and mint or vanilla with food coloring)

    58. Go to a downtown area where you live and visit office building lobbies and look at their decorations

    59. Go ice-skating

    60. Get Santa hats and wear yours after work until they go to bed…. while cooking, eating dinner, helping them get ready for bed, etc

    61. Get clown “red ball” noses and put them on so you all can be Rudolph; buy headband “antlers” and do the same…

    62. Find a picture of you as a child sitting on Santa’s lap and see what kind of reaction you get

    63. Get some string and some clips and have the kids help you string up the holiday cards you receive from others

    64. Buy some jingle bells and have your kids wear them in their jean pocket

    65. Dress up your pet

    66. Use those big Amazon boxes and let your kids decorate them as Santa’s sleigh

    20111210-214359.jpg

    And what else can you think of to add to the list????

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    Staying Sane: 9 reasons to communicate when something upsets you

    December 4, 2011 by 6 Comments

    Hi Mamas.

    It’s Sunday night and I spend time on these evenings writing about something that I believe helps me to “stay sane”.  However, I am not the best person to follow such advice and certainly am not an expert.  So these are just my thoughts, take them for what they are.

    I spent years biting my tongue over certain situations.   This has not been healthy for me, or my family.  Years later, my stance is that it’s best to face potential conflict and communicate when something is upsetting, regardless of how awkward or difficult it may be, because [please don’t take me too seriously]:

    1. Issues will just fester and cause greater distress
    2. Relationships will become strained, for those directly and indirectly involved
    3. Over time, the littlest things that happen appear and “feel” to be so much bigger than they are
    4. You have too much to worry about with work and with kids — why add another point of stress in your life?
    5. Keeping things bottled up could affect you physically – think zits, furrowed brows, headaches, grimaces
    6. The people/person may not even know that their behavior has upset you
    7. Communicating will provide an opportunity for future situations to change or the behavior to cease
    8. Communicating over some beers/wine is just another great excuse for some cocktails
    9. It is great to embrace situations where difficult communication is required – this provides great practice and can improve your effectiveness and self-confidence at it over time

    So, let me get to what happened this past weekend.  I had a relatively enjoyable weekend.   The kids shined with great behavior but unfortunately there was other behavior happening in my house that I did not like or appreciate.  My in-laws were here for Hubby’s birthday and their visits always bring me an added sense of anxiety.   There has been a tug-of-war happening between them and I ever since the kiddos arrived.   I understand their need to form a bond between themselves and the kids, and I support this – however, not at the expense of the relationship that Hubby and I each have with the kids, our roles as parents, or at the expense of the children’s overall welfare.

    I know that email communication is not the best.  In fact, I think it’s cowardly given this type of situation.  What I would like to do with the audience tonight is preview a [cowardly] email communication that I would like to send to my in-laws.   Please provide feedback because I would like to send it soon before the situation festers too long for me.  Or, maybe I’ll decide not to send it and just the below in black and white will be therapeutic enough for me.   Or, maybe Hubby will step in and lobby on my behalf.
     
     
     
    *****
     
     

    [In law], [In law],

    Thanks for coming this weekend to celebrate [Hubby’s] birthday and also to babysit on Friday night.   I think [Hubby] had a great weekend.   Also thanks for helping with the fence and cleaning – every bit is appreciated!!!

    I would like to get something off of my chest though, in the spirit of open communication.   There were two situations that happened that appear small, however there are things that underlie the following actions that are very upsetting to me.

    • Big Bro informed me on Sunday that during Saturday’s lunch with [in-law], he had something sweet but he wasn’t supposed to tell me.   He said that Daddy knew, but he was specifically asked by [in-law] not to tell Mommy.
    • On Saturday morning I overheard conversations that [in-law] was having with Big Bro, about how both of you were not going to be here for Christmas this year and how you were not sure if Santa was going to come to Big Bro’s house, but that Santa was definitely coming to your house and that maybe Big Bro should come to your place.   Or, you would maybe save Big Bro a present or two from Santa.

    I’ve talked to [hubby] about it and he agrees that this is not appropriate behavior.  First of all, it completely undermines the role of a parent.  Children, particularly young and vulnerable children, should not be taught that it is OK to keep secrets from their parents.   This is just common sense.   We are there to protect them and in fact we are teaching them the exact opposite — that they should always feel comfortable coming to us at any time, with anything that is on their mind.   We are teaching them that there should be no secrets from Daddy or Mommy.   But what is most upsetting is that it puts a very young child — 5 years old!!!! — completely in the middle of any issues that may exist between you and me, which is not acceptable and not OK.   I understand and respect your need to build a bond with the children and I support that — however certainly not at the expense of my role as a parent OR by putting any of our young children in the middle of a confusing and/or tense situation.

    It honestly is not healthy to do this to the children.   If this was done in humor, I would think the humor to be too complex for just a five-year old, and I do not appreciate it.    As a family you need to understand that [Hubby] and I are the parents to these children and people should respect this.  I also hope that you see how putting the children in the middle can create situations that are awkward for them — hopefully you agree that the health of these children should come first.   Having such conversations with the kids to strengthen your bond makes matters worse for us as a family and impedes creating a healthy environment for our children.

    My parents have always respected [Hubby’s] role as father, our roles as parents, and have NEVER said anything to the contrary in front of the children – I would expect the same treatment from you.

    Hopefully with your maturity you will see how this can negatively impact the kids.  I therefore ask that these types of discussions and insinuations with our children stop immediately.

    Thanks so much – if anything is unclear please let me know.  My intent is not to cause a big issue out of this, but my first priority is to my children and if I think they are being harmed or put in an unhealthy, confusing, or un-necessary situation on purpose,  I need to get myself involved.

    [Mama K]

    ******

    So ladies, am I over-reacting?   Should I bite my tongue?   Are these truly just petty comments and am I a victim of Reason # 3, above?   Have these power-plays happened with you in the past and how have you handled them?  

    Even in separation situations, it is common knowledge that you should NEVER put the children in the middle.  This simply is not fair.   And I’ve been hearing comments like the above for years now.    My father in-law starts the power-play with me all the time and his comments are well thought out and purposeful.   He knows what he’s saying and knows what he’s doing.

    Comments please!!!

    Thanks for listening,

    – Mama K

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    Staying Sane: Communication and getting to the root of the problem

    November 27, 2011 by 1 Comment

    On Sunday nights I usually try to post something in my “Staying Sane” series… and something happened over this past weekend that I wanted to write about. It was about a temper tantrum and a conversation that I had with my eldest son, Big Bro.

    It was Friday night. I had the kids all day and all evening, solo. We had a full day – and at bedtime all kids were pretty much wiped out. Books are a very important thing in our family. We have been very consistent with each child (the Twins got a slow start though, I’m sad to say….) and they really, really, really, look forward to books at bedtime. So much so, that our eldest kids are enjoying reading to the Twins!!!!

    20111127-215518.jpg

    But I digress. The important thing to note is that our children love book-time at bed. And each child gets to pick out their own book for us to read.

    So it is Friday night. And I read a book to Red (“Handa’s Surprise” by Eileen Browne. I even love it.). Big Bro was busy finishing up teeth brushing so he entered the story halfway. The kids normally get into a routine where they love a book for weeks at a time and then move on to another. Well, I was reading a book that I’ve must have read 100+ times — it was not a new story. It was a story that my kids know well. And even though Big Bro missed several of the first pages he knew the story like the back of his hand.

    There was also a Spiderman book next to me. I mistakingly thought it was HIS choice of books. So I read it. Then I said it was bedtime.

    And that is when the tantrum began.

    We’ve experienced these plenty of times in the past with Big Bro. He is our first and our most spoiled. He throws himself on the ground in fits more often than our toddler Twins.

    Our conversation went like this:

    Me: What is wrong?
    BB: I want you to read that Handa book again, from the beginning. [sob sob, whine whine, cry cry]
    Me: But [Big Bro] sweetie, I said that it was book time and I asked you to sit next to me with the Spiderman book and you didn’t want to. You had your book. I read two books. I’m not going to read another book again.
    BB: NO!!!! [scream, sob, cry, yell] [while I pull him into bed]. I want you to read the book!! I want you to read the book!!!! I want you to read the book!!! From the beginning!!!!
    Me: No sweetie, I’m sorry. I said that I was ready to read you the Spiderman book but you weren’t paying attention. I read the two books for tonight. I will check on you after I take my shower [yes, I revert to this on weekends – no time for my own showers in the morning on weekends].

    So I go and take a nice shower, thinking that by the time I get out all will be well, he would have settled himself out, and things would be wonderful in the world again.

    I was wrong. He was sitting in the middle of his floor, eyes red, looking half asleep, and looking like his version of an “Occupy” standoff.

    I asked him to get back in bed. That is when the REAL tantrum started. I decided there was something more going on here. I decided to get to the root of the problem. There is more here than just a damn book.

    Me: BB, BB, BB, sweetie, please, look at me. [I kneel down and take his face so that I can look at him in his eyes]. Please calm down. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Please. I know that there is something else that’s bothering you. Please I don’t think I have the full story. Please try to calm down and tell me what is really upsetting you. It’s NOT that I didn’t read that Handa book a second time. What is it? Can you find the words to tell me what is making you so upset?
    BB: You read to [Red] but I didn’t get a book to pick out.
    Me: Oh…. you mean to say that you did NOT pick out the Spiderman book?
    BB: No.
    Me: So you didn’t GET a book to pick out for me to read to you tonight?
    BB: No.

    Oh my goodness my heart just melted into pieces. I took for granted that the Spiderman book was his book but he was the one that actually picked out the Handa book. He wanted me to read him that book and start from the beginning since it was his book that he chose and I started reading it without him. He just wanted his full turn and his full time with me.

    So of course I sat him down immediately and we read the book. Red even came over. And his body stance and how she snuggled up to me and how were were interacting and talking about the book was like a 180 degree turnaround. It was like I had whiplash.

    Misunderstandings happen. We know that. It happens all the time with our kids. And the tantrums at night can be easily over-looked as being over-tired. But seeing my child stand-off to me (in an almost peaceful sort of way) even 20 minutes later told me that I wasn’t getting it right.

    I am so proud that he took the time and through his tears to pause and stop and find his words to express what was really upsetting him. Sometimes this is very hard for kids to do. Sometimes they even forget why they are so upset. But him in his tired and half-sleep state trusted me enough to work through it with me and explain in a different way what was bothering him.

    Of course I made a big deal out of it. I told him how proud I was of him for calming his body and finding the true reason why he was so upset. It wasn’t that I didn’t read the book a second time, it was that he never had a FIRST time with a book that HE picked. I repeated this to him and I told him that this is what a mis-understanding is and that sometimes misunderstandings happen. But it is important to TALK about it and find your words that way the other person [me] can truly understand. It is important that I truly understand what is bothering him and each of my kids.

    Of course Red was there listening to all of this too. So I reiterated this lesson to both of them, again. And I apologized to Big Bro and commended him on his strength and patience and ability to express himself so clearly to me. And the hug that I gave him was strong and REAL. And he knew it.

    So I left the room with more emotions that I had originally envisioned. I felt guilty for putting him through this. But misunderstandings happen. But what he DID get to see out of this is how I took the time to work with him and talk to him and that he saw that it was very important for me to really understand what was causing his distress.

    So now I know to listen a little more, do not take situations for granted, and push each of my children to find the words and communicate to me – to talk about their feelings, why they are upset, and even the good stuff too.

    Thanks for listening –
    – Mama K

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    Staying Sane: My Sewing Machine and my patches

    November 20, 2011 by 4 Comments

    This seems like a strange topic for me to write about. First of all, I don’t sew. At all. So really I’m not going to write about the sewing machine itself. But from the limited research I did (on amazon, I love that website), I think it is a good one. It has features that many do not. Features that I know I do not need. But you never know, maybe one day I’ll consider myself a bonafide expert sewer. Or, maybe not.

    20111120-205153.jpg

    What this post is really about is the need that I had to accomplish specific, distinct tasks that I perceived as ones that “traditional” mothers should be able to do. For example, in the past when each of my kids were babies, I became a fanatic about making home-made baby food. Even though I was working crazy hours. On weekends I would go into a frenzy finding receipes, going shopping, and making vats of baby food – labeling them, freezing them, storing them for later. This to me was “catching up” on those motherly duties that I thought I was dropping the ball on. I think because I felt guilty. I think because I secretly wanted the time to do the same thing less rushed during the week. To be a mom to my babies. To cook for my babies. As a full-time worker, my weekend time was time I needed to catch up on these sorts of activities to make me feel good about myself and make me feel like I wasn’t being only 1/2 a mother.

    Fast forward 5 years. My son is an active BOY and his jeans always take a serious beating. Without fail, he always wears down his jeans at the knee on his right leg. ALL of his jeans wind up this way. So the options are 1) cut them into shorts, 2) ignore the holes; 3) throw them out and buy new ones; 4) iron on a patch; 5) sew a patch that matches the denim of the jeans that he destroyed.

    I know the range of options require a range of effort. But even though I was working full time, I decided to take the hardest route. Buy a sewing machine, and I don’t even know HOW many yards of denim (probably enough for 100s or 1,000s of patches), and just start sewing.

    • My first attempt was horrendous. I sewed the pant leg together through the middle. Front and back side. Completely fused together. I just ripped out the stitches and started again.
    • My second attempt was much better. Except you can tell that a Novice sewed the patch. It all looks even and aligned except when you get to one corner, the last corner. I had too much material. So the patch is all bunched up at that one corner. I decided that this error was acceptable and moved on to the second pair of pants.
    • The third attempt was much, much better. It was a lighter pair of pants and I got fancy and turned the denim material over to better match the colors. I sewed the edges of the patch first, and then sewed it to the pants. Scrunching and twisting and turning it around, and in the end the corner seemed OK and honestly it looked pretty good!!!!

    20111120-205630.jpg

    After that, I got wiped out. So after at least 3 hours of setting up the machine, learning the parts, experimenting with practice garments, and then actually trying to sew the patches, I only have two pairs of pants to show for it. I still have a stack of about 5 more pairs. Poor Big Bro is wearing these two pairs of pants non-stop and rotating them and washing them non-stop. My goal over the next few weeks will be to bang out at least two more pairs.

    Why do I do this? To feel like a Mom. To feel like I’m fulfilling a need for my son. Sure it would be easier to iron on a patch. I know that. Of course that is the rational thing to do. But I am not rational at these sorts of things. I over-do it. I create projects for myself. I document my children endlessly (that’s probably why I’m still doing this blog). I feel the need to make up for the shortcomings and time that I’ve missed because of having to work full time. I know this sounds silly. I know that it is ridiculous that I have a sewing machine that has 40 stitches pre-programed, and has different “feet” for quilting projects. I know this. It is so ridiculous.

    But it makes me feel good that Big Bro has those two pairs of jeans fixed by his mom. And it feels good to have that sewing machine sitting in my house just in case there is another article of clothing to mend, or even if its just the perfect space to start stacking the things that need to be mended.

    I’m sure I’m not the only working mom with examples like this. What other “mom” related activities/tasks do you do to make you feel more like a mom???? Please comment! I’m interested to hear and may also replicate your ideas!!!!

    Thanks for listening!
    – Mama K

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    Staying Sane: Developing Traditions

    November 13, 2011 by 2 Comments

    I’ve been writing about Chocolate Tuesdays in my daily journals and I also recently wrote about a rainy weekend when I took the kids out for ice-cream. I received a request from a fellow Mama to spend some time writing on this subject and also getting feedback from our Mama In Motion community on traditions that they do with their families, no matter how big or how small. This really does help keep sanity. It helps to promote stability and respect and positions the family as a unit, versus individuals “at odds” with one another. And this is perfect timing….

    Some of our day-to-day traditions:

  • I do “hugs and kisses in the morning” each and every morning with each of the kids. When Big Bro and Red were little babies, I used to make a song of it; but now at least its a round of hugs and kisses for each child and a big “good morning” for each of them.
  • I also play a “love” game with the kids – I try to do daily with Big Bro and REd, and would like to start it with the Twins now too since their old enough to get it. It goes like this: Me: “Did I tell you yet today how much I love you?!?!?”. Kid: “No” (or sometimes they say yes mommy…”. Me: “I love you so much that I am going to [kiss your ear], [pull your toe], [squeeze your nose], [mess up your hair], [tickle your belly] etc. etc. etc. And then as I do these things I say “THAT’s how much I love you, I love you, I love you so much…..”. It really is fun, because they know the game but don’t know how I’m going to express my love, whether its picking them up and spinning around, or chasing them, etc. They also do it back to me from time to time.
  • Each day and in relation to school/pre-school, I ask each kid to make sure that they 1) learn something new today; 2) exercise their bodies; and 3) laugh really hard about something. Then at the end of the day I ask them questions about what they did today to learn something new, exercise, and tell me a funny thing that made them laugh.
  • Chocolate Tuesdays – I found Nutella as another breakfast option that is really easy to put on bagels, toast, tortillas, etc. A good source of protein since it is made of hazelnut – and the kids love it because it really does taste like chocolately goodness. The problem was that they wanted it all the time. So we asked them to pick only ONE morning to have it – that day was a Tuesday so of course Big Bro suggested Tuesdays. So the tradition was borne.

    • 20111113-181816.jpg

  • Movie Fridays – as a family we are a bit restrictive on the kids watching TV. Big Bro is the kind of kid that if he watches something in the day he will waste the day away (like me). So we have one night devoted to movies and popcorn: Friday nights. We love it as a family. Even the Twins now are getting into the popcorn even if they don’t have the attention span for the whole movie. I have lots of pictures of the four of them lined up on the couch eating popcorn and mesmerized by the movie – although this is fleeting and Red and the Twins tend to get bored and move on to other activities.
  • Saturday AM pancakes
  • Sunday AM waffles
  • Bathtime/ showertime is big in our house. We may not be able to do it as frequently as we would like, but all of the kids together is too much fun. The four kids used to bathe together in the one big HUGE tub in our room; now Big Bro takes a shower while the other 3 take a bath together. They LOVE it.
  • If the kids eat “two colors” at dinner, they get chocolate milk afterwards. I tell them that they have to listen to their body to know if they are full or not. I don’t force them to eat. But they must at least try two colors of food to get the milk at the other end.

    • Bigger traditions:

  • Christmas Eve: We make home-made pasta together. This is something my grandmother used to do whenever we would visit her, but I wanted to make it a tradition on Christmas eve. The thought is that we can make homemade linquinine or other shapes, and then diversify year by year with different sauces. It is hard work and takes time (even with a Kitchenaide mixer), but my thought is that as the kids get older, they will take over and with four of them they will be able to work together to get the job done faster, or at least switch off when they get tired.
  • Christmas eve: we also bake Chocolate Chip cookies during the day for Santa. We leave these out at night along with a cup of milk and carrots for the reindeer. We take baths and get into our chistmas pajamas, take pictures by the tree, and I have each of the kids draw a picture for Santa. It is the cutest thing to see each of them in their PJs busy at work, creating a special picture for Santa. In years past we’ve had pictures of airplanes, choo-choo trains, circles, and scribbles. I think it will be wonderful for them to have when they get older… so they get to see what meant so much to them when they were little and how they gifted their creativity to Santa each and every year while they believed.
  • Each year right before 9/11, we go to the store and buy gifts for the firefighters. We wrap them up and then on the day of 9/11 we visit the firestation and give them their gifts. Last year we got a crazy tour of the truck, they got to go inside the truck, and we all got a tour of the fire-house.
  • For Easter, the easter bunny not only gives them candy, but also TOOTHBRUSHES. The kids absolutely love getting them in their baskets.
  • We also do TOOTHBRUSHES in stocking stuffers at christmas time.

    • Things I’m thinking of:

  • With four kids, I’m thinking of having a poliana at Christmastime that the kids can do with each other.
  • Also with so many kids, I’m thinking of toning down Christmas (to one gift each) and spending the real celebration on their birthdays – which are more meaningful to me. The thought of celebrating a person’s life…. the fact that they are who they are…. and celebrating their uniqueness and what they mean to you, seems so much more worthy in my mind than the pile of presents at Christmastime for EACH child….

    • What are some of YOUR traditions? Big or small — share them all!!!!

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    Staying Sane: Ice-cream in the Rain

    November 6, 2011 by 4 Comments

    What I enjoy most these days are those special moments when time almost stands still and your brain starts to actually think like a child’s.

    This happened over the weekend.    After lots of activities in the morning (buying new pajamas, hitting baseballs, kicking soccer balls), both Big Bro and Red had VERY long naps – this likely had to do with the cold weather and the pouring rain.  After they both got up we all decided to go out for dinner.   I wanted to start a tradition.   On weekends if it is raining and if the kids are good I want to take them out for ice-cream.

    We gathered our rain gear, headed out for dinner (kids still in pajamas), and then braved the weather with inside-out umbrellas on the way to get ice-cream.

    Thinking like a child.  Getting excited for the big treat.   The adventure in the rain.  Holding the umbrella.   Not realizing that it will go inside-out from the wind and getting a big surprise when it does.   Walking through the rivers of rain.   Feeling the chill in the air and not caring.   Getting picked up to see the ice-cream flavors.    Looking at all of the colors… wondering which one to pick.   Sitting next to Pop-Pop on a Saturday night with the ice-cream shop filled with people.   Knowing it is silly wearing pajamas outside of the house.  Wearing a cat raincoat and loving it.   Not minding sticky hands or a sticky face.     Being 3.  Being 5.    Reaching up to hold a hand as we cross the street – wind blowing the cold rain.   Home.   Sweetness.   Cuddles on the couch.  Kisses goodbye and sleep.

    This was one of the glimpses of childhood that I had the joy of experiencing over the weekend.   A memory I will likely replay to balance future days when I need to.

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    Staying Sane: Pay for help!!!!

    October 9, 2011 by 4 Comments

    It seems that life these days is so much more complicated than it has to be.  When I was growing up, it seemed that life was less complex and we had a steady stream of visitors, neighbors, and relatives in and out of our house almost daily.  It seemed like we had that “live in a village” type of set up where folks helped each other out, and our family was all close-by.

    Fast-forward 35 years.   People are more remote than ever – which has its pros and cons.   We are far away from both of our families and we live in a bigger city where we do not have that “village” community.  People tend to stick to themselves during the week.  Me and Hubby cannot rely on close family or friends to care for our kids (or care for us).  We also both work full-time — so everything falls on us.  And everything DID fall on us, until about a year ago when we came to terms with our situation and said THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE – we need to start delegating our load and paying for help.   I also wrote about how you shouldn’t expect to be able to do everything   and that you need to rely and team with your partner.    Well after these two important points, another way to “stay sane” is to think through EVERYTHING that can POSSIBLY be outsourced within your means and then cross those responsibilities off your list. Daycare is a tricky one since you likely have to work (I’ll talk about that in a separate post).  But think through what you do on a daily basis, weekly basis, monthly basis….. the task could be a candidate for outsourcing IF:

    • the task does not necessarily need to be done by you or your partner
    • having the task done by someone else will not impede your relationship building with any of your children or your partner
    • the task can be done quicker, faster, easier by someone else
    • the cost of outsourcing the task is worth the time it frees up — either for yourself, for you and your partner, or for you and your children
    • the cost of outsourcing the task is worth the convenience and/or improved quality of life it enables
    • you or your partner do not gain personal satisfaction with the task
    • your budget can allow for it; the cost of outsourcing is worth it compared to other things you could spend your money on

    From our own household and talking with other working mothers, here are some ideas and approaches on delegating work loads and paying for help (obviously the reality will depend on your budget and tolerance for spending):

    • Housecleaning.
        • Find a housekeeper that is flexible — find one where you can call on them to clean your house when you want, and at whatever frequency you need. If you hire one less often, you will still need to the tidying between visits but the housekeeper can do the deep cleaning, dusting, special projects that you know you will never want to do.
        • Hire a younger college student to do the basic cleaning tasks you can’t keep up with (sweeping, mopping floors, cleaning the bathrooms). Post on “gigs” section of Craig’s List for this kind of help.
        • In our house, we hire a housekeeper about 1x a quarter (we need to go every other week I think. We have a Mother’s Helper who comes during week nights to help with dinner clean up, laundry, and general straightening up.)
    Pay for help!

    Pay for help!

    • Laundry.   Consider a Mother’s Helper (see above) or dry cleaner where you can pay by the pound. Someone mentioned blueskycleaners.com, a service where they pick up and drop off and use environmentally friendly methods (it is more expensive but saves time since they do the pickup and drop off of clothes).  Some nannies will also do laundry, make breakfast in the morning, lunch, and keep the house clean (however they are very expensive).
    • Shopping.  I like to outsource grocery shopping to Safeway.com (Hubby hates when I do this because he thinks we spend more money this way) and I am also a HUGE fan of Amazon.com for just about any other shopping I need to do — they sell everything imaginable.
    • Mother’s helper to help with homework (our eldest is in Kindergarten so this does not apply to us yet — but I would want to take this on personally)
    • Washing the car (Hubby loves doing this – he always has. And now he loves doing this with Big Bro and Red by his side as they “help”).
    • Cooking (maybe some nannies can do? We don’t have a nanny and we would never be able to afford a personal chef).

    Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our dual-working families could afford to have teams of people at our fingertips so we could enjoy our time with our kids??!?!?!?!??! Of course our budgets are NOT endless, which is why we are probably working in the first place. I think the key is to figure out what are the things need to be done but you and your partner choose NOT to do to free up your time to spend with your kids, get some alone time together, or get some alone time alone! It’s another balancing act but one that I believe pays off. The extra money spent can be well worth the stress relief and freeing up of time to do the things you and your partner WANT to do. In the end I think it’s well worth it, within reason.

    What other things can be outsourced in your home? What works with your family? What hasn’t worked? What other information can others share????? 

    Thanks for listening –

    – Mama K

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    Staying Sane: Are you speaking your child’s “Love Language”???

    October 2, 2011 by 3 Comments

    What is Your Child's Love Language?

    What is Your Child's Love Language?

    We all know that our kids are unique individuals.   Despite being created from the same set of genetic material, their personalities, despositions, strenghts and quirks are all so unique.   We know this already.   We are the mothers to these unique children — who are really just little people.

    Do you ever feel like you are just not connecting with your little one, thus creating friction between you and he/she?   Or do you wonder if you should be interacting differently with your child to make your relationship stronger?

    I think one way to help you “stay sane” is to give your child your love in the way he/she naturally desires to receive it.   Let me explain…

    For those who are not familiar with the “5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, I highly recommend getting this book for the sake of the relationships around you — it boils down to a theory that each individual has one or two distinct “love languages” that are favored over the others.   So for these people, the way they naturally express love aligns with those languages, and the way that FEEL love also aligns with those languages.    The implications to this run even deeper — a person may be VERY loved by another individual, but if “the lover” is not showing their love in the recipient’s primary love language, the recipient may actually not even notice the efforts of the “lover”, but even worse, they may feel totally unloved.  All of the languages are meaningful to you in one way or another, its just that each person has one or two that dominate the rest.   The languages include:

    • Words of Affirmation
    • Quality Time
    • Receiving Gifts
    • Acts of Service
    • Physical Touch
    I found this to be very enlightening with the relationships around me; I was so intrigued that I wanted to do more research and found the authors website where he has tools where you can answer simple questions to identify your primary love languages — go to this link.   The answers really shouldn’t be a surprise to you.   BUT HERE IS THE AMAZING THING….. you will notice at the above link that there are also assessments for your CHILDREN (one for teenagers, one for smaller children).
    I found this to be extraordinary and potentially very powerful.  Big Bro is over 5 so we did the test with him.  His primary love languages were Quality Time and Receiving Gifts (no surprise here, he is five!).   This was VERY useful information for me.   So now I know how best to communicate to him that I love and cherish him.   I can do things that speak his love language.    I’m sure he also adores the hugs and kisses that I give him non-stop (my love language is Physical Touch), but for him, he would rather spend quality time with me.   I’ve even heard him say this.  “Mommy… why aren’t you coming to the dinner table to spend time with us?”.     He also is the child that will flat out ask for more “mommy time”.   He loves for me to simply sit next to him and watch a movie, read a book, do a puzzle, play an interactive computer game, or simply go for a walk.    So now I know how best to spend my precicious time with him.  I know how to satisfy the methods for which he most feels loved.   Not that my hugs and kisses are not important, its just that the time that I choose to spend with him is more important to him to feel the love that I have for him.
    I thought that this was a really powerful tool and unique thinking between parent and child.    I encourage you to take the assessments for yourself, have your partner take theirs, and also have each of your kids take theirs.  And let us know what you think!!!!!!!
    • Do the results seem true to your child’s personality?    Were you surprised in any way?   
    • When reflecting back, do you think you’ve put too much emphasis on YOUR love language versus your child’s?   
    • If so, can you try to more directly speak your child’s love language — and after doing this for a week or two, have you found any differences in how they respond and/or connect with you????
    I am so curious!!!!  Please comment!!!!
    – Mama K
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