flex time – Mama In Motion™

January 10: A new day.

January 10, 2012 by Mama K 2 Comments

I was REALLY having a rough time this morning waking up. I went to bed late last night and the past couple of nights have given me spotty sleep. It’s catching up to me now. I had a really sweet morning though with the kids – some really magical moments that still have me thinking that I have the most wonderful kids in the world.

Highlights of My Morning and Commute:

I showered quickly and threw on jeans. It will be a jeans day in the office today (self-proclaimed). Red, Twin Husky, Twin Crazy were already at the counter eating cereal. I gave each my morning kiss on their head, and we talked about the shape of the cereal. Are these triangles? NO. Are these squares? NO. Are these circles? Yes these are circles. Good. Circles. The kids are very funny when they really exaggerate the “NO’s” to this routine – shaking their heads back and forth. Then for some reason Twin Crazy started talking about monkeys – “Oooo oooo aaahhhh ahhhh”. I asked her where the monkeys were? Outside? She pointed to Twin Husky. Is Twin Husky a monkey? NOOOOOOOOOOOO says Twin Husky shaking his head back and forth. So cute.

I go up to wake up Big Bro and gather the clothes for the day. Big Bro jumps up from his bed, and then proceeds to jump on the bed, straight up and down. He only did it for 10 seconds or so – I asked him if this is his normal wake up routine and he said Yeah, laughing. I laughed too. It was kindof like he was shaking the sleep out of his little body. And then he was ready for the day. Smiling. Awesome.

Big Bro remembered that it was Chocolate Tuesday – so Hubby had a second series of breakfast to get ready. Next I looked all kids were devouring chocolate bagels, chocolate tortillas.

Twin Crazy coming into my room to show me her tortilla with her chocolate on it. She scrapes off the chocolate and asks for “more chocolate please”

I didn’t have my coffee yet but I was trying to help the kids – it looked like they needed some water with all of the bread they were eating so I offered it to them. One of the plastic cups “jumped” out of my hands and there was flying water all over the place. I asked the kids if they saw that and what was that cup doing flying out of my hands? The kids were laughing. I said it was an accident and I didn’t do it on purpose – that it was no problem because I’ll just clean up the mess. I asked if anyone took a “shower” from my spill as a joke and all of the kids said No, seriously. (cute)

Kids still laughing about “Fish Ranch Road” and how we didn’t see any fish on the road from the weekend

Red asking if I can take her to school today since I took Big Bro and Twins yesterday. Then Big Bro gets upset since he had to share his ride with the Twins. These kids are aching for more one-on-one Mommy time. And they are doing great about talking about their feelings (I am really focusing on that now with them)

Red had a breakdown over her clothes; she wanted to wear her butterfly shirt again (it is now her favorite). I was REALLY trying with her but she was being her red-haired fiesty self. One of my tricks was asking if I could take a picture of the butterfly shirt (knowing that I was going to write about this). But then Big Bro came up with something genious. He surprised me. He suggested that maybe she would take off her butterfly shirt if SHE took the picture (IT WORKED). Fist pumps to Big Bro!! I am still smiling at how empathetic he is, and how well we can act as a team – I continuously talk to them about how we have to help each other out – that is what family means; we all need help from time to time and it is our job as family members to help out when we can. These kids get it.

As soon as the rest left and it was just me and Red, her mood lifted considerably. We were talking about my coffee, my keys, jacket…. as I was getting things together she was my cute little side-kick. All smiles. Laughing. It’s amazing how quickly those moods can change. From tears to laughs.

On the ride to her pre-school, Red asked about the “clocks” on the front of the car. I talked to her about them – that they are not clocks, but each of the dials do measure certain things. A clock measures the time. These dials measure how fast the car goes, how hard the engine is working, how much gas we have in the tank, and how hot or cold the engine is. I love these simple conversations with the kids. But even better, I love the questions that they ask. They are VERY inquisitive and I encourage that. I say that is a great way to learn – to ask questions. That is how they learn about the world around them.

Wow. I wrote a lot. I think its because I didn’t get much time with the kids last night. So I always seem to take more in on these mornings… I think I am more apt to pick up on smaller things that I would otherwise overlook.

I am on the ferry now – I will have a busy day. I need to get the proposal off to the client today. I really need to get the conference meeting notes done (from 3 months ago, damn it). I have to follow up with some billing issues. I have loose ends hanging over my shoulder that I need to just bang-out.

And I have a mountain of preparation to do on a personal front. Forensic kind of stuff. Documentation of assets leading up to the birth and ultimate death of a marriage. I’m not looking forward to this at all. Hopefully we treat each other fairly so we can still be good partners for our children in the future.

I remember walking off the ferry and walking to work. The sun was shining and it felt wonderful on my face. I held my head high, closed my eyes, and looked up towards the sun while walking. I was taking it in. The air, the sun, the walk, the motion. The breeze through my hair. I am ready for the day, and feel much stronger than yesterday. Could it really be the result of the dose of the children?

Highlights of My Working Day:

I’m going to keep this part very brief.

I worked on the client proposal and it finally went out!! Yeah!! It would be great to win this for my sales efforts, but the delivery of work scares me. I feel like I have a lot going on and a big client project may complicate things a bit. But I need to win it. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

I had a conversation with a peer about the meeting minutes… He’s not doing them either!!!!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!! Everyone has agreed that they are too detailed, no-one asks for them, and no-one ever has questions with them after they receive them. So why bother??? Yeeeehoooooo!!!!

And alas, I hate to say it, but I was sidetracked a lot today on personal stuff. I got the ball rolling with requests of information I need to obtain; but it needs to be well thought out and complete. I only get one chance at this. I need to make sure I capture the right information and its complete. I have a meeting with my lawyers this week and I want to be extremely efficient at this next meeting. I want to have everything organized for them so that they don’t waste time and therefore keep their charges reasonable.

I almost missed the ferry. I looked down at the clock and it was going to leave in 10 minutes. I have never tried to make the ferry this late before. I freaked. I shut everything down and hauled ass out of the office. On the elevator I took my shoes off, positioned my bag, shoes, and jacket, and then proceeded to RUN full steam ahead to the ferry. I made it just in time! Whew!

Dinner and Bedtime:

I’m on the ferry, and the sun is still shining. My heart is pounding from the run. I sit and catch up with a neighbor. I’m thinking of the kids and also dinner. Chicken?

Pick up from Red was terrific – she ran into my arms and actually jumped up onto my body – all smiles, huge hugs. I LOVE THIS.

We quickly got Big Bro. He looked terrible. He is sniffling all over the place, and his face was all blotchy and red. His poor nose. And his eye was all red and sore from rubbing it. OMG please tell me no it’s not pink-eye. The daycare provider said that he was not himself all day long. 😦

Pick ups for Twin Husky and Twin Crazy were fine. Me and Twin Husky were talking about the beautiful sky. [He repeats, “beautiful sky”]

I run in and get the kids unpacked, shoes and jackets off, and set Big Bro on the couch to watch some TV. We don’t do this often but he needed it the poor guy. Twin Crazy and Red were interested in watching some with him. Twin Husky was interested in exploring, turning off the lights, and helping me cook. Then Twin Crazy and Red started to help me cook. So cute. They were smelling spices and stirring and Red was fully responsible for the vegetables, putting them in the bowl and closing up the bag. We made Tandoori Chicken tonight, which again was a HUGE hit. Big Bro had three platefuls. I was amazed. Big Bro and Red were fighting over who could sit on my lap. They are both lobbying hard for more one-on-one time with me; and getting more aggressive about it.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were using children’s knives for the first time. They were soooooooooooooo excited!!!

After dinner we rough-housed and I swung them in circles and we were all falling on the floor laughing. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were busy playing with the kitchen and “eating” ice-cream.

Chocolate milk!!!

Pink eye medicine! Ugggh. Poor guy.

We opened up a package today and it was the kids’ new lunchboxes. Red was thrilled but Big Bro got upset that he didn’t get his backpack yet. Why can’t he ever be satisfied with what we do with/for him? Ugggh. I know he’s sick but this is ridiculous.

Kids went to bed quickly because they were tired and not feeling well. Big Bro found a piece of his work that was thrown out by Hubby in the trash can and he started to flip out. I asked him to talk about it with Hubby when he returned from putting the Twins down. Big Bro asked me to help him. So I did. And Big Bro did great at telling the pieces and I commended him for talking about it with hubby, telling hubby how it made him feel, and then coming up with a solution for the future [Hubby ask Big Bro going forward if its OK to throw away certain items.]

I had a great day. I am feeling much more on my feet. I am tired, but I somehow feel like things will be OK for us. The hardest thing that I will have to go through is helping my children navigate through this now and in the future. It will not end. I will need to make sure these kids are getting what they need and that they are getting the healthiest environment possible given the situation. I will fight for them. And right now I feel ready.

Signing off for now to get some sleep –
Until tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: consulting, divorce, flex time, mommy time, negotiation, parenting, part-time, pink-eye, working mom, working mother

January 9: Busy and Broken

January 9, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

I had a bit of a stressful morning, coupled with lack of sleep. Big Bro woke up in the middle of the night with a horrendous cough and was crying. I stayed up with him a bit, got him to take some medicine, and got him back to bed. There’s been a lot on my mind lately so it was hard for me to go back to sleep.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I woke up and got ready quickly. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were eating cereal. I started helping with lunches and also started an instant coffee for myself.

I set out all the piles of clothes with the kids last night, and also packed the daycare bag for the twins the night before, so that was already taken care of.

I cared for Big Bro, getting him medicine and trying to get him in a better mood. I need to get to work today and cannot stay home with him.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were both chanting for “Bagel, I want Bagel”. It took us awhile to figure out what they were saying but once we did they were smiling ear(s) to ear(s)

Big Bro got dressed without a problem. Red, as usual, was tough despite picking out her own clothes the night before. She rejected four shirts, one pair of pants, and one set of socks before she settled on her outfit.

Red and Big Bro were singing and chanting “Kick the morning” for some reason. I have no idea what they were singing about. But they were hysterical laughing. And then Twin Husky started chanting it too. All three of them chanting “kick the morning” and laughing….. I love it. But where was Twin Crazy???!!??!……..

Twin Crazy disappeared and it was quiet. That’s when I know she’s up to no good. I found her playing with Big Bro and Red’s LeapPads in the other room – SNAGGED!!!

Hubby and I split the drop offs. He was taking Red. She broke down. She was grabbing hold of my leg the whole time I was running around. Hubby left with her crying, and also forgot her lunch that I packed this morning, which I had sitting by the front door for him.

My drop off with the twins was fast, my drop off with Big Bro was rushed – but he looked happy and ready for school (whew). He will most likely be tough tonight and not feeling well.

Now I’m on the ferry headed to work. I already checked work email and it will be a busy day. We have some more work to do with a proposal that is due tomorrow. I think some of the changes will be significant. I also have been dragging on getting those damn meeting minutes done – that’s been hanging over my head for awhile. I also have some personal things to attend to so hopefully that will not take too much time or drain my energy – I need it today!

Highlights of My Working Day:

I spent the majority of the day working on the proposal that is due to our potential client tomorrow. There is still more that needs to be done. It’s off at a Director now for review, and I’ve lined up our Assistant to do cosmetic “clean up” of the document first thing tomorrow. That way I can look and work off of a client-ready document tomorrow when I get in.

I followed up with our client on a project we are wrapping up – there is a second Phase which requires work on their end to be completed first – so I just did a quick check-in to see how they are doing.

I followed up with a potential client related to a proposal we provided to them several weeks ago. He was waiting to discuss with his boss (Head of Corporate Strategy, and this is a MAJOR company with a very well known brand – I would love to win this work) and we were going to connect this month. Again, this was just a check-in to see if he had a better idea of when to schedule a conversation based upon his boss’ feedback.

I spent more time that I would like to admit on personal matters. This will be a busy week for me.

So now I’m on the train, headed to an appointment. I will miss the kids tonight and I feel bad about that. Especially since Red was hanging on to me for dear life this morning, and since Big Bro came down with a fierce illness (bad, bad cough – poor guy). I also feel bad about it for selfish reasons. I want to hold them. I want to hug them. When I am with them I feel strong. When I am with them it feels right. I feel like I need one of their hugs, smiles, squeals, or songs to make me better. I feel broken inside – I know I will heal and I’ll be stronger on the other end, but it is tough right now – and its just the beginning.

Here’s to 2012!
Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: 2012, changes, divorce, flex time, laughter, parenting, part-time, working mom, working mother

January 6: All five of us looking out for each other

January 6, 2012 by Mama K 4 Comments

Friday – the weekend is here and I am ready for it, I think. I had a very trying morning and lonely lunch — did not have much of a great day but I did manage to squeeze a good chunk of time in with all of the kiddos, which immediately made me feel better…. stronger.

I made well-visit appointments for Twin Crazy and Twin Husky, and decided to take Big Bro as well so that all four kids would be in synch with their flu vaccinations (Red got one on Wed when I went with her for her pigeon-toe issue). While I had them, I decided to grab Red as well and take her along – that way we could go out to dinner together. The kids were great at the doctors. The bigger ones helped to care for the little ones and the little ones did great even though there were shots involved.

I took them out to dinner afterwards. It looked like a pizza place on the outside, but when I got in, it was a fancy pizza / pasta / wine kindof place with cloth napkins. There were older couples and dates everywhere. Needless to say, we were the only table with four little ones (5, 3, and two 2 yr old twins) and one mama. The kids did great. Again, older ones helping little ones, me overseeing everything and making sure everyone was happy and entertained, and listening to everyone so that no-one felt ignored. It was a REALLY good dinner and the kids ate very well. As I packed everyone up, I had some people come up to me commending me on how I handle the kids and how calm and in control I was – they asked if I needed any help to the car and I said – No! This is my job! We’re off to get ice-cream now! 🙂

Ice-cream was a hit, of course. There’s not much more to say about that.

When we got home I showed Red her new princess sheets that were in the washer; she was so excited. I put them in the dryer and they were ready in no-time. She was thrilled and I helped her get her bed ready. Now both kids are excited about their new sheets (as am I) which does make a difference settling in at night.

I bought a whole slew of books on “feelings” — Little Miss and Mr. Men series by Roger Hargreaves — and they arrived today. We read two of them tonight – “Mr. Happy” and “Little Miss Helpful”. They really are entertaining and funny – I was actually laughing out loud a couple of times. So far I recommend them — they are cute at talking about the feelings that we all have as people – something everyone can relate to –

Glad for today to be over; glad for the weekend; will be spending time with Big Bro and Red on Saturday and then Twin Crazy and Twin Husky on Sunday. And trying to keep my distance.

The thing that makes what I’m going through so difficult right now is that I feel like I have no-one to talk to. Close friends I’ve had out here have moved away once their own kiddos arrived (high cost of living) and the majority of the remaining friends are friendships with hubby. So they are keeping their distance. I feel like I’m out here alone – all family back east, close friends back east, few friends here. Time zones again work against me which makes this so difficult to stay connected except through cyberspace, which just isn’t enough for me right now.

I’m hurting for the life we could have made for our children and I’m hurting for the pain that they will go through now and in the future. That’s all I want to say right now but please if you know me PLEASE reach out; I need you now.

Till next week –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: flex time, ice cream, isolation, pain, parenting, part-time, sorrow, working mom, working mother

January 4: A day with Red

January 4, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Wednesday is a day I work from home, 1/2 day. But it was still very rushed this AM –

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I woke up a bit late; the room is very dark and makes it easy to snooze.

I did not bother to shower. I’m working from home today. Instead, I worked with the kids, helping with breakfast, diaper changes, etc. I needed to get out early since Big Bro wanted to scooter to school today. I would have to do that with him, walk the Twins to daycare, and then rush back for a 9 AM conference call. So I was still under the gun this AM.

Twins were up and eating, but Red and Big Bro were still upstairs playing. What??!?!?? Our rule is that they must eat and get dressed before they play with toys. I need to go up there more often to make sure they are not sneaking play time in. It SERIOUSLY disrupts the routine.

Everyone ate well; everyone got dressed AOK. We were out at a decent time. Hubby dropped of Red, but I reminded her that I was going to “steal” her before her lunch to take her to the doctors. Nothing serious… her feet are a little pigeon-toed but I wanted to get that checked out in case it was anything we should be concerned about (it is nothing by the way, at least for now – probably something she will grow out of — her hips are straight – whew)..

We were off! We randomly met up with the Motley Crew and rode with them. Within 1 minute Big Bro fell on his scooter since the ground was slippery. All of the kids were concerned and asked him if he was OK. They are really good kids. He was fine, but scared. And embarrassed, I think. He walked with me the rest of the way.

After the Big Bro drop off I ran the Twins to daycare, left the stroller there, and practically ran the whole way back (again, good exercise). I made it just in time for my 9 AM call.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I dialed into the call while I got my computer set up, refilled my coffee mug, and nuked some Trader Joe’s breakfast. They started the call 5 minutes late, thankfully for me. It was a call
related to another forum that we could potentially be launching. There is a lot of excitement around this and we are in process of recruiting industry sponsors and planning for a big meeting in April. If this gets launched, it could be something that I would be very proud of professionally. I’m excited about it.

Afterwards I followed up on some items related to the call, and also some issues in my email that I had to get to. I then packed up to get Red.

Red was playing and enjoying herself in the playground when I came to pick her up. Her teachers are wonderful. Red did not see me at first … but to see her playing with her friends and to see her pure joy is so wonderful – she caught my eye and then came running over to me – I love those embraces…. running at full steam, face all smiles with a look of determination, and then a small body plowing into mine and grabbing hold of my legs and looking up at me with her face. I love it. I got her set up in the minivan with her lunch so she could eat it on the way there. She talked about napkins and how she needed them to wipe her face. We were off!

The doctor visit was uneventful. We read books and looked at the colors of cars from out the window while we were waiting.

She fell asleep on the way home; I picked her up and put her in my room for her nap. She woke up briefly and was all smiles, cuddled deep into the abyss of my sheets.

I re-worked a proposal for a client project and looked at the budget; it is due next week. We are in good position to win this one. The proposal needs a bit more work but I sent it out to the team by 5 PM so we can talk about it in the morning. Although Thursday is not a typical working day for me, tomorrow will be since we are having a day long internal strategy session. So I will go to the office and might as well make a full day of it. Part of the part-time gig deal with my bosses was that I would be flexible when needed – so flexible I am!!! I want this arrangement to be successful for me and the company. While I worked, Red was “working” on her LeapPad. We were buddies working together.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Big Bro and the Twins with Red. Before we left, Red needed to hug me for a bit. She sat embraced with me, and she started the rocking motion that we do together – in silence. Her body was pulling mine back and forth – I pulled her on top of my lap and we sat there for 10 minutes or so just rocking in silence. I think this fills up her “mommy time” tank when she needs it. Or, it at least helps.

Dinner was fine, but interrupted by the arrival of Big Bro’s Star Wars sheets. I never saw a kid so excited to see a big box before and help to rip it open. I quickly got the sheets into the washing machine so he could have clean fresh new sheets for bed tonight. All five of us looked at the sheets in the washing machine – and we were teaching Twin Crazy and Twin Husky about the washing machine and how it works – how the water comes in with the soap and how the clothes go around and around until they are clean. They all really got into it. I remember doing the same with Big Bro and with Red when they were smaller. It must be something about the humming of the machine, the flow of the water, and the motion that really mesmerizes the kids. It was fun doing this with all of them.

Twin Husky was busy doing chores. First we saw him brushing Twin Crazy’s teeth. Then I witnessed him cleaning up his drinking cup and floor with a towel. So cute.

Kids got cranky – Twins were banished to their rooms for bed.

I folded laundry with Big Bro and Red while waiting for the sheets to dry. Red was very helpful, folding the clothes and putting them in the right piles.

Bedtime with Big Bro and Red was dicey. Red refused to brush her teeth so I had to get involved. Big Bro and Red were awesome about getting the new sheets on the bed. Big Bro didn’t want to go pee pee when I asked him so there was a bit of a power-play there. I read The Tale of Peter Rabbit without him next to me and then left him lying on the floor, after covering him with his old blanket. I later checked in on them out of guilt and he was in bed, so loving his new sheets. I kissed them both and they bid their farewell to me on my way out.

Today was very, very, very busy. I was seriously running from the time I got up until now. I guess it goes to show you how I really can’t split up my day – work, personal, work. It’s just too hard. It’s best to keep the work from 9 – 1, and then have the rest of the day to myself and my kid(s). This is a key learning that I need to remember going forward.

Red is sitting with me in my bed since she was “scared” upstairs. We’re eating mini-wheats together. It’s so late, and she’s still my little buddy today.

Very happy, but tired. Happy about the time with Red, about Big Bro’s sheets, and about the progress I made at work today. I feel like I missed out on the Twins a bit. But that will be what Friday is for…

Til tomorrow,
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: flex time, parenting, part-time work, pediatrician, working mom, working mother

December 30: Siblings Playing House while at Home

December 30, 2011 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Friday. My last day alone with all four of the kids during this winter break. We adventured yesterday, but today we woke up to rain and fog. No one felt much like going out. The kids wanted to stay at home and play. And I didn’t feel like arguing. Again it was a day watching the siblings interact with one another. Most of the day revolved around their playing with each other. Playing make believe. Caring for each other. There were some (many) tears, and a bloody lip, but all in all it was a great day filled with warmth and laughter.

The kids enjoyed decorating the back sliding glass door. I asked that the pieces be put up high so Twin Husky could not reach them and eat them. They worked together. Big Bro cut out the pieces on the plastic (unnecessary but he enjoyed doing it), Red peeled them off, and Big Bro and Red put them on the door. Twin Crazy also helped a bit.

Big Bro and Red were teaching both Twin Crazy and Twin Husky about their new LeapPads. Both seemed interested, I think.

Twins were jumping up and down like jumping beans, testing out their mattresses in their cribs before naptime. They were cracking me up and I took a video of it, but here’s a photo for now.

After naps it was sooooooooooooo cute but all four of them were playing “house”. They had pillows and blankets on the floor, and Big Bro was Daddy and Red was Mommy – the Twins were the kids. And the twins were loving it!!! The parents kept checking on the kids, telling them it was night night, asking them if they wanted water, and Red was patting each of them on the back. It was too cute. When I asked Twin Crazy about the game later that night and asked who the mommy was, she indicated [Red]. Same thing with Daddy [Big Bro].

I cleaned a lot today. We have not had a mothers helper in two days now. I was busy in the kitchen and also doing laundry all day. Picking things up and organizing around the house during the kids naps.

We took it easy with pizza for dinner. The kids watched some tv afterwards. Big Bro threw several tantrums about ice-cream. We didn’t give in.

I had a busy, physical day – lots of lifting of kids and consoling. It seemed like Twin Husky was crying most of the time when the kids were all playing. Twin Crazy is very aggressive and I think the poor guy (Husky) might be a bit mistreated by them. I think that’s why he’s resorting to biting (which also happened, or almost happened, today).

I’m tired. Physically and emotionally. I’m looking forward to the end of 2011 but I fear that 2012 will be much harder on me and my family. I need to make sure the kids are cared for and know that they are loved. Not just say the words to them, but do what takes to make each of them FEEL it. KNOW it. BELIEVE it. Unquestionably.

Til next week – and 2012!
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: flex time, home, imagination, parenting, part-time, play, pretend, siblings, working mom, working mother

December 29: A Day for the Siblings

December 29, 2011 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Today was a day at home with the children. No work. I had all four of them since Big Bro’s public school is still closed, and since Red became VERY upset at the thought of everyone home except for her. So I gladly kept her home from pre-school today as well. You would think – 4 kids – all day – man that woman must be wiped out. Truth is, I’m not. I’m surprisingly very, very relaxed. No tension in my neck. No sadness. No aching. No worrying. I’m just, well, “being”. And it feels wonderful.

We spent the day eating, playing, building legos, playing doll-house, setting up LeapPads, having the kids teach me about their LeapPads, napping, going to the library, cooking….. some fighting, some biting/hitting/yelling. But it was mostly laughing. It was mostly excitement. The kids really enjoyed being together. And playing together. Big kids interacting with the little kids – in a good way and also not-so-good way. But they were together. And they were being kids, being siblings with each other. I loved it.

Some of the highlights that really grabbed me today:

Waking up to Red smiling next to my bed. She was in a great mood. Then suddenly, and out of nowhere, she turned crabby. I think it’s because she realized that she was not staying home ALONE with me – that the rest of the kids were going to be there too. So I sat with her. I rocked with her in silence. She needed to calm herself down and I needed to hold her.

Big Bro holding Twin Crazy – he asked her and she said “yes”. They were both really having fun – Twin Crazy with a HUGE grin on her face that she was being taken care of by her big brother. He did the same with Twin Husky but it did not grab me in the same way…

It took an amazingly LONG time to get out the door today. I really don’t know why. Red was really a problem this morning. She was taking her time and changing her mind about pants. Pants. I must have touched and retouched 50 pairs of pants. I eventually told her that I was losing my patience and we were close to not going anywhere so she better decide and SOON. I think she needs more of my time but I don’t like giving it to her in this way — its too draining; no fun at all.

Walking into the library with my four munchkins in a line; the librarians all know our family. They are patient with us and our noise. Each of the Twins introduced the librarian with their comfort toys (a tiger for Twin Husky, a lovely blanket for Twin Crazy). Twin Crazy and Twin Husky wanted to spend most of their time drinking from the water fountain. They started fighting and I knew it was time to gather the kids quickly when I heard Twin Crazy screaming at the fountain and Twin Husky bending over to bite her. As we were checking out our books, I asked the librarian if she could make our check-out into several “transactions”. She “got it” immediately and was so good with the kids. The kids wanted to check out their own books with the one library card so she rung them each up separately (except for Twin Husky, who was wandering around with his thumb in his mouth, not interested in checking out books).

Grabbing ice cream with the kids at 11 AM. We were the only ones there. Big Bro wanted to go there in daylight so we could eat in the outside courtyard. I usually get little cups for the Twins but they amazed me – they sat there and held their little cones and ate their cones without any major spills or losses of food. They sat on a bench that circled a HUGE tree and were so cute. Afterwards, the sugar started to kick in and they started to play follow-the-leader on top of the bench that encircled the tree. I sat there quietly and watched them. I was taking it all in. I took some movies. I captured how Big Bro was interacting with the little ones and how the little ones were having so much fun doing the same thing the older kids were doing. They are a pack of four now. It is now that REALLY feel like I have four, distinct, separate, individual, and lively children. I am very lucky that they are all happy, healthy, and honestly look out for each other.

While Red was napping, her LeapPad arrived. I thing Big Bro was more excited about it than she was today. Anyway, Big Bro wanted to surprise her so he set it out by her bed so she could see it and be surprised when she woke up from her nap. I love how he can be so sweet. I love how he thinks of his siblings. I love how he just “gets” them. Knows what makes them happy. Knows what they need. He is really amazing.

I wanted Big Bro to rest/nap – but he wanted to put his Lego space shuttle together first. Together we worked to get it finished, quickly. I looked at each instruction page and gathered the pieces needed, and handed them to Big Bro to stick them on. I know he enjoyed me helping him with his Lego set, just the two of us. But I think I enjoyed it more than him.

I made a roast today. I am having fun “nesting” with my babes. I sat on the floor and showed Twin Crazy and Twin Husky the peeler and taught them about the skin on the carrots and potato. I showed them how I peel the skin off and they felt the strips and laughed at the ones that went flying over the trash bucket I was using. Both were running to grab the strips and threw them in the trash bucket for me. I had them smell the peeled carrots and the peeled potato and explained that we could really smell the food now that the skins were off. I love spending time like this with them. I know that our daycare provider does not interact with them in this way. I love teaching them new things. And talking about the world around them. After dinner, Red was sitting on my lap and then leaning over, laughing and saying “ouch – mommy – my head is going into the hot lava”, pretending that the floor was a river of lava. She cracks me up.

We closed out the night watching a Sponge Bob show about Christmas and Santa. I had Twin Crazy on my lap. I then had Red laying next to me with a blanket. Then Red was on my knee, with a blanket, covering Twin Crazy and putting her arm around her, still on my lap. Then Twin Husky came over and sat on my other knee. So I had three kids in my lap, with my arms around them and talking with them about the show. Too cute.

I had four kids today, got impatient with them yes, but had a different kind of fun with them. They were all together. I mostly sat back and watched the interaction. I was essentially a person shuffling them between different activities but really stood on the sidelines and just watched them. Watched them talk. Watched them laugh. Watched them care for each other. Watched them share.

Where I could, I stole one-on-one time. But it was mostly a day for the siblings. And tomorrow will be another such day. I’m looking forward to it.

It’s amazing how my life has changed — thinking back to my 20s, my 30s — one decade totally selfish while the next totally self-less. And now. How I revel in moments with my children whereas before it was a good dinner out, or dancing with friends, or doing shots in Hoboken, or… … … … I know that these days when my kids are very young will fly by. I’ve heard it soooo many times before. That’s why I’m choosing to be with them now and soak them in now while I have this time. While I can make them laugh. While three can sit in my lap. I’m soaking it in and smiling – knowing that I’m lucky.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: communication, flex time, happiness, living, love, parenting, part-time, siblings, teaching, working mom, working mother

December 28: Working with Big Bro

December 28, 2011 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Wednesday – a work from home day. Big Bro’s school is closed so I decided to keep him home with me instead of pay for “camp” – especially since I am home, and only working 4 hours today. He was looking forward to the day. Red – well, not so much. I think she was jealous.

Highlights of the Morning and “Commute”:

I got up extra early, showered, started a big pot of coffee. I did not get much sleep last night. So I needed the extra caffeine and would be home to drink it. I got Twin Crazy and Twin Husky up – they are always already up, but just hanging out in their cribs at 7 AM. So I went to their room, they jumped up and were excited about starting their day. I did quick changes for them while they were in the room so they were contained and that task would be done with.

Red was up, Big Bro was still slumbering. I let him sleep. There was no need to get him up; as long as he was up by 8 AM for us to drop folks off.

Twin Crazy, Twin Husky, and Red were busy eating cereal and oatmeal. Twins are talking and repeating words non-stop. I love it. Absolutely love it.

The morning went smoothly. Except for when Red heard that Big Bro was staying home and she was not. That threw her into a fit, I rocked her, and then asked her if she wanted to help me with my coffee. That worked. She put sugar and cream in my cup – and all kids looked at it. Then I poured the coffee and talked about how the coffee was first dark, but when you put cream in it, it turns light. Of course the Twins were repeating all of this in their own way.

We headed out; I dropped off Hubby at the ferry and we talked about the boat. I dropped off Twin Crazy and Twin Husky, and then we dropped off Red. She was pretending to be mad at me, but just couldn’t play the part consistently. She kept laughing at me – couldn’t hold it back.

Highlights of the Working Day:
Remember… I’m working from home, for 4 hours, and I have my son with me. And its a slow week. During the holidays…

While back at home, Big Bro and I ate pancakes and the cutest thing was said: “Mommy, can you eat these pancakes with me because I have a TON of whipped cream on this plate.” How cute. He is a guy that feels loved by doing things together – and this comes out so strongly now that I am aware of it.

I filled out administrative forms and benefits while Big Bro played with his new LeapPad and watched some Dora. He got anxious and played a bit outside.

In the middle of work I decided to use the leftover ham from Christmas and made split pea soup. In typical fashion for me, I overdid it. I just wanted to use all of the dried split peas we had. So I wound up making I think 2 gallons of split pea soup. It’s actually a bit ridiculous. I don’t think I have enough containers to hold it all to freeze. I may have to give some away to neighbors. Too funny. Some people give cookies, I may give soup. Note: My holiday cards are STILL not sent out.

I finished up the forms and needed to fax them in. So me and Big Bro head out to Office Max to fax and FedEx. It took a lot longer than expected. Poor Big Bro. While going to the store he said he was too tired to put his shoes on (jokingly). He was doing and saying a lot today to make me laugh. He is becoming a simple and funny guy – with a smart sense of humor – one that makes me laugh at a drop of a hat (OK, I’m biased. Maybe he’s not that funny after all).

The Rest of the Day:

We went to lunch together. We talked. I blogged a bit while he LeapPaded. He made a comment that we were both doing computers together. Again, his mention of togetherness. It means so much to him.

We got some food from Trader Joe’s. Again, he was my buddy. We talked during the shopping trip about the stuff we needed or would like to get. He was great company and sooooo well behaved.

We made it home and I packaged up the soup – ridiculous, I know.

I cleaned up and got ready for the arrival of the rest of the kids. In doing so, I sat with Big Bro and together we completed his Lego space shuttle together. I had fun doing that with him. I’m amazed at how quickly he has mastered this thing. He follows all of the pages and puts this thing together effortlessly. I think his request for “help” again was a ploy for together, Mommy time. I happily caved.

Pick up for Red was fine; on the way to pick up the twins, Red asked if she could stay home tomorrow with me, all by herself. I reminded her that NEXT Wednesday would be her day. I reminded her that I have Twin Crazy, Twin Husky, and Big Bro tomorrow at home, and asked her if she would want to stay home too. She immediately said “YES!!!” and then they both started talking about how everyone wants to stay home with mommy tomorrow. It melted my heart. I asked if they liked it better with extra time with me and less time for me at work and they agreed – they like it better. I know, this was a “leading” question, but hey, I needed an emotional boost. 🙂

Getting everyone home was fine. We saw an amazing sunset and I pulled over with them to talk about it and the colors. The kids still saw lots of lights on the houses so we drove around talking about lights. By the way, I don’t know if I mentioned Twin Crazy’s new skill – buckles. She MUST buckle her top buckle on her car seat. I love her intensity and the fact that we can communicate with each other.

While at home, I cooked Tandoori Chicken with yogurt sauce (Amazing!!! Thanks again Mama S!) while the kids went a little bit nuts I must confess. They were VERY loud and VERY physical and teasing each other and being bratty kids. Poor Twin Husky was being battered on. He spent most of this time crying, or being held by me while resting his head on my shoulder and sucking his thumb.

Dinner was amazing; half the kids ate well. Red was tired and pouty. The rest were running around the house at least not thrashing each other. I’m OK with running around the big circle of our house as long as they are keeping their hands to themselves and not screaming. Tonight after dinner they were cracking up and I loved to see Big Bro interact with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky (a four year difference). Big Bro asked me to see how fast he could run and of course I applauded him and then Twin Crazy the rest of the night asked me to see how fast she could run. How cute. Each time they ran around they stopped where I was and laughed, rested, or I tickled them. It was fun and they had me laughing.

Then suddenly one of the kids mentioned chocolate ice-cream and then ALL of them started whining for chocolate ice-cream. I couldn’t take it. It was early but I sent everyone upstairs to bed. The older ones were really putting up a fuss about the ice-cream thing which just ticked me off. Big Bro and Red were both hysterical about it; Red was being carried up by Hubby and she was kicking and screaming. I rarely see anything like this from her. We talked about how they felt, and how sad/mad/unhappy/disappointed they must feel. And I said how I used to feel the same way when I was a kid and my parents didn’t give me dessert when I thought I was going to get some… how I would be thinking about it and expecting it and then my mom or dad wouldn’t let me have it, how it made me mad/sad/disappointed. And how it is OK to have those feelings. THEY SETTLED DOWN SO QUICKLY I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. I then commended them on how they pulled themselves together and how they moved on. How they calmed their bodies down and started to accept it – they still feel mad, but at least they are calm about it. I love connecting with them this way – I find though that you really need to be patient with them; it is easier for me to do this when I have days like today – versus days when I am stressed and/or tired from long or complex day at work. Or, even after a long day with all of the kids. I really only had Big Bro today and he was a breeze, solo.

Big Bro and Red and I wrote down a list of things we are DEFINITELY going to do tomorrow (e.g., eat breakfast, vitamins, etc.) and some fun things we COULD do (beach, museum, library, etc.). I’m looking forward with my time with all of them tomorrow but hope I get more sleep tonight!!!

I had a bizarre work day, and do not feel so good about my productivity, but I toss it up to the week between the holidays…. right??!?! Am I the only one out there?

I’m feeling happy and much more comfortable in my own skin today – thanks for those who reached out to me yesterday and today to send me cyber-strength. It means so much, seriously.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: connecting, emotions, flex time, parenting, part-time, Trader Joe's, working mom, working mother

December 21: Santa Claus is Coming to Town (Amazon)

December 22, 2011 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Whew! It’s been a fast, long day. My writing today will be VERY brief since it is 11:59 PM and I am still getting a Christmas gift organized. Hopefully it gets here in time!

Anyway, today was a 1/2 day work-from-home day.

Kids were happy going to pre-school/camp:

I worked at home with lots of coffee; did A LOT of laundry. Cleaned up a bit. Had some conference calls. Our client is extremely happy (whew). Was visited by SANTA!!! Yes!!! Santa Claus came to town a bit early (and as hoped) and delivered many, many packages! Thank you ~~UPS~~ Santa!!!

Picked up kids and had them set up for a sticker project when we got home. I was solo tonight since Hubby was out so I wanted to make sure the kids had activities set up for them. All were very engaged and happy. No troubles.

Ate pizza. Twin Crazy played with water from her drinking cup. The kids ate a ton.

Played a bit after dinner. Tickles. Big Bro stole a marshmallow from Red’s menorah. How did he ever think that I wouldn’t notice?? I asked him if he had something to tell me. He was coy at first. Then he gave in and told me his secret. I hugged him and said it was important that he feel like he can always tell me the truth. Being able for us to trust each other is important. After that we asked Red if it was OK to devour the rest of the menorah. I broke pieces of marshmallow for Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. They went nuts.

So now it is 12:10 AM and I am still having some troubles getting this gift to “submit” online. I tried twice and if it doesn’t go through this time I will have to try again – I’m home with all the kids tomorrow and I want to take them to a play museum – I think I’ll take them to the “art” area where they can get creative and throw some paint around. 🙂

Wish me luck on getting to sleep at a decent hour.
Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: amazon, flex time, online shopping, parenting, working mom, working mother

December 20: You are Loved

December 20, 2011 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Chocolate Tuesday! I woke up and showered and went out of the room to find all kids in Big Bro and Red’s room. It was nice to have them all together so early in the morning and me to give each child a good morning kiss on their head – I missed them last night.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Big Bro and Red wanted me to help picking out their clothes but they were eager to put them on themselves, downstairs and after breakfast.

I walked downstairs with Red. I turned off a light before our trip down and it was too dark so I kidded with her… “What was I doing? That was way too dark.”…. and then she continued joking with me in her sing song, sarcastic humor that I think I taught her too well….. “Yeah mommy…. what were you doing? Turning off the light….. forgeting my lunch yesterday…..” and she was shaking her head back and forth and raising her hand upwards to the sky – so sarcastic, so dramatic. So sweet. My little girl with the drama and the humor and I almost cringe when I think of the influence that we have as parents over these little people. This little “sarcasm routine” I started a couple of years ago to basically laugh off my mistakes and joke with the kids like if I make a spill or put something in the wrong place. Red has grasped this humor and has taken it to a whole different level. With her inflection, her drama, her face and look in her eyes….. it is wonderful to see my little girl use my humor on me.

All kids were ready for breakfast. I was joking with each of them. Chocolate Tuesdays are great days. And look who asked for some chocolate and has been converted into the group — I know he will be addicted to this routine so now we have 3 kids that will go wild for Chocolate Tuesday going forward.

I was joking and talking with the kids. I asked, “raise your hand if you are a twin.” Almost immediately Twin Husky raised his one hand, and then his other hand. He had both hands raised. Then evenutally Twin Crazy raised her hand too. I tried so hard to get a picture of both of them together raising their hands but it was difficult to do. It would have been a great picture.

Twin Crazy went crazy over cereal and after she was done she still wanted to be with the group – so she tried to fit in by grabbing a small chair and standing on it. So cute. All together.

Twin Husky was actually quite funny this morning. Making faces with his chocolate face; nodding his head up and down “yes” in a goofy way. Getting my attention by doing something funny and me praising him for making me laugh. He really is becoming much more “fun” and goofy.

We had only two drop offs today since Big Bro's public school is off for two weeks. Twin drop off was great – except that we couldn't find Twin Husky's tiger. So he may be difficult at nap time today. Big Bro and Red drop off was a bit stressful. Red was clingy and needed help with her teacher as we were leaving. Big Bro is in "camp" with some others and some old friends, but there is one child who has a VERY difficult time during drop off. I asked Big Bro if he wanted to introduce himself and ask the boy if he wanted to play. He quietly said "No." Inside, I couldn't believe what I saw. A poor child in a severe tantrum begging not to stay, saying that he didn't want to go, and his mother essentially tossed him on a couch while putting his jacket away. I know she must have been frustrated. I was stressed just hearing it. But I felt sad for the kid. A kid in an already tense situation feeling tossed aside by Mommy. I'm having trouble with this so I'll just stop here. I try not to judge but sometimes its hard.

I'm on the ferry now. I will be late for a 9 AM conference call. I then have two other meetings after that. And I REALLY need to do real work today. I MUST get the client deliverable in good shape and REALLY need to make sure these meeting minutes are complete by year end. Or else we'll look really foolish.

Highlights of My Working Day:
Wow. What a busy day.

I ran off the ferry and made it to the office just after 9 AM. I was a bit late to a conference call but they knew I would be late. It was an internal call. We talked about potential membership into an organization that would provide to us an opportunity to present, network, and potentially generate sales leads. I was also thinking of the objective of partnering with them to create another forum similar to the ones we already provide. It makes a ton of sense for us as a company to join forces with this organization. It could potentially open up an entire part of the market that has traditionally been hard to sell into with limited follow-on opportunities. If we are able to partner then we could potentially create another sales channel to create more leads with shorter sales cycles. I’m excited and glad to be involved. It will likely be a global effort.

I then had 20 minutes to review a proposal than an analyst drafted for our feedback. We then met with her to make the suggested changes. The proposal is going to need more work but we have time for that. I’m not worried about it (for now).

I then took a break, got some coffee, some water, fig newtons, and put on my make up in the bathroom. I looked like SHIT the whole morning.

I then had to prepare for a standing call with one of our partners for a forum we are creating. Our traction has stalled, seriously. We talked about go-to-market efforts and what we can do in the new year. We will need to evaluate in the new year whether we should continue with this effort or not. It is taking a lot of time so may not be worth it to continue. I sent out updated materials and templates and also sent out some emails after the call to prospective clients.

I grabbed a quick lunch at a shitty grilled cheese place right across from our office. I feel greasy now and it was a fancy grilled cheese – not like the ones I am used to in the Northeast (think orange american cheese on wonderbread where the cheese sticks to the fries in a New Jersey diner – no, this was NOT one of those an it cost me $10!!).

I then actually put my head down and started to WORK on the client deliverable that I know my client is waiting for. It is tedious. I’m not having a lot of fun finishing it up. But it’s important to him. So I do it. There is more to do, and he wants to talk tomorrow AM, so I will most likely work tonight after the kids get to bed to make sure he has it in his hands first thing in the AM. Like I don’t have anything else to do??!?!?!?!???!!? Uggggh. I HATE those nights where I have to work after the kids go to bed. I will try to be patient. Hopefully they will be cooperative. I’m looking forward to playing with them since I have not had good “play time” for several days now.

I am now on a ferry back. A later ferry since Big Bro is not in after-care so we are not crunched on time. The problem is that I’m used to picking them up 1 hour earlier and starting dinner. So, they may be VERY tired and hungry and cranky tonight for pickup. Maybe it will be a pasta night.

Dinner and Bedtime:

We picked Big Bro and Red up at pre-school/day camp and their entire conversation on the way home was centered around the menorah that she made out of frosting, marshmallows, and pretzels. Big Bro was curious about the pretzel entering the marshmallow, and if she used any frosting on the pretzel to keep it secure in the marshmallow. It was so cute. Them talking back and forth about the frosting, marshmallow, and pretzel (and no, the pretzel held tightly without any need for frosting “glue”).

Pick up for twins went fine; it was dark. All looked at the lights on houses.

Made a dinner of pasta, spinach, meat/parsley, and broccoli. Kids ate well. Both Big Bro and Red wanted to sit near me, so I sat at the head of the table with both at my side. Then Twin Crazy and Twin Husky came to me. They wanted to sit on my lap. So the three of us sat together eating off of one plate, with Big Bro to our left, and Red to our right. I finally felt like we were together.

We opened up a gift from my aunt (my Dad’s twin) – all the kids went nuts. There were for books with the theme “You are Loved”. They were excited about reading them tonight.

We ate marshmallow menorah and gingerbread house after dinner. The kids shared which was great to see. The Twins loved marshmallows. We played. Princess dominos and trains.

We headed off to bed without a problem. Big Bro and Red helped clean the toys up. They brushed without a problem and got ready for bed. I said I would read all four books to them. Red sat on my lap. Big Bro grabbed his blanket off the bed and we all snuggled under it as I read. “You are loved.”

It’s been a good day. A busy day. A full day. We started with giggles, I ran ragged at work, relaxed with kids at the end, and now after this I need to open up my laptop and finish some client work. And after that I have to work on a Christmas present. I have not started to think about a calendar or holiday card this year. One thing at a time.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: books, flex time, hunger, menorah, nutella, parenting, part-time work, running, working mom, working mother

December 15: Creating memories with the kids

December 15, 2011 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Today was a great, great day. It couldn’t have gone better. I was at home with the Twins and not working. Our day was filled with school activities for both Big Bro and Red, so we ran around today spending time with the older kids. I loved the time today with them.

The Twins and I had a great time today walking Big Bro to school, talking about basketball nets, kicking soccer balls inside our living room, eating snacks, counting to 10, tickling and giggling, chasing and squealing, and getting excited about our outings to the schools. Here are some highlights:

We walked Big Bro to school in the drizzly rain. Big Bro was on his scooter and we met up with the “Motley Crew” on our way – but they had umbrellas. It was so cute…

Twin Crazy wants to do everything by herself now. Walking down the stairs, putting on her shoes, buckling her stroller seat and top buckle on her car seat, and now wiping her nose. She is very independent and gets very upset if you try to help her without asking if you can, first.

We went back to Big Bro’s school shortly afterwards where they were decorating ginger bread houses… essentially graham cracker houses with candies all over it. The twins loved looking at all the colors and candy. Big Bro seemed excited to see us there. He was proud of his house. He looked like he was having fun and I’m glad we were able to experience this with him.

The twins were doing a lot of playing by themselves, talking, laughing, giggling. Playing by the play kitchen area, walking in circles around our play choo-choo train tracks while singing, etc. I have so many movies they are so cute. They also spent time taking wipes and wiping me off and cleaning me up. So cute.

I had a moment with Twin Crazy and danced with her softly in the kitchen for awhile. She was getting tired.

After naps, we went to see Red at her school for her performance. We arrived for a party beforehand and we provided the fruit. She was ready for her songs. She knew the words and she was wearing her string of pearls when she was a flower girl. She did so GREAT!!! She was up there singing the words…. not really doing the arm motions that they taught them, but at least she was up there, didn’t cry or run off stage, and she sang her words and I AM SO PROUD OF HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The twins were great and very well behaved, as usual.

The kids played in Red’s classroom afterwards – with big rubber animals and dinosaurs. And also helped to put all of the toys back where they belonged before we left.

At home, I was getting pizza toppings ready as all of the kids were “cooking” their own dinner.

We did a little bit of playing but then we whisked them upstairs — Big Bro has his performance tomorrow and I want to make sure he is well rested for it.

It was a great day since not only did I have the opportunity to spend quality time with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky, but as a Trio we adventured off to see Big Bro (and he was thrilled) and also adventured off to see Red in a performance! It was seriously too good to be true.

The night did not turn out that great for other reasons, but that is a story for another time – or maybe even a separate blog??!??!?! 🙂

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: flex time, parenting, performance, working mom, working mother

January 10: A new day.

January 9: Busy and Broken

January 6: All five of us looking out for each other

January 4: A day with Red

December 30: Siblings Playing House while at Home

December 29: A Day for the Siblings

December 28: Working with Big Bro

December 21: Santa Claus is Coming to Town (Amazon)

December 20: You are Loved

December 15: Creating memories with the kids

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