parenting – Mama In Motion™

February 24: My heart is elated and then breaking

February 24, 2012 by Mama K 4 Comments

Yeah! Friday! Time with the kids! Yet at the same time, ugggh… Friday… .that means another weekend is almost here….

I had a great day with the kids:

This morning went VERY smoothly; Big Bro, Twin Crazy, and Twin Husky were excited about the ride to Big Bro’s school. Red was very cooperative and got dressed all by herself first thing in the AM. Twin Crazy was excited about wearing a shirt with a hood and pockets. They all ate well and were super-excited about vitamins, as usual.

The ride to Big Bro’s school was nice – it was a beautiful day and the birds were singing. I asked the Twins what the birds were singing about and they said “worms” — this is a story that I made up with the kids several weeks ago… I was pretending that I was a bird and translating the chirps into “oooooh, good morning good morning good morning…. ohhh it’s a nice day outside…. ohhhhh I’m hungry for breakfast…. ohhh where are the worms, where are the worms, where are the worms…. ohhhh I’m looking for worms…..”. So it’s our own little joke now when we hear birds singing we say they must be singing about worms.

Twin Husky was playing with his rubber snake and I asked if it was a nice snake or a mean one… he said a mean one and then I pretended that the snake bit my finger and cried “Ouch”! Then each of them were pretending to be bitten by the snake and they each said “Ouch” too.

On the way back home I saw a team of gardeners with a lawnmower so took the opportunity to teach them about the lawnmower and how it is loud and how it cuts the grass and how the grass looks nice now…. it was cute. They were completely into it.

While at home, I had a chance in the early AM to brown a roast and make a quick sauce of broth, diced tomatoes, and spices and threw everything into a crock-pot. There. Dinner is essentially taken care of.

During the rest of the morning they had a good time coloring, eating, playing hide-and-seek with a blanket, doing puzzles, helping me unload the dishwasher, jumping, showing me their bellies, and being tickled by me.

Then it was lunch and nap-time for them. I straightened the house and got some personal items done. The afternoon would be spent in Child Custody mediation so I had a woman who previously helped us care for the kids come over a bit early so Twin Crazy and Twin Husky could wake up and see us with her — and talk about how we love her and how she used to take care of them when they were babies (and how they’re not babies anymore) and had her give them a snack of ice-cream before we left. They immediately took to her and had no problem saying goodbye to us and they went outside with her to play with scooters and bikes. Thank you Kendall!!! We do love you!!!!

It was a good dinner, a good pop-corn movie night. A good sister-bonding night. Red: “Do you want to sit here? I will sit right next to you, OK? It’s OK, I’m here, you’re not alone…”

But bedtime was rough. I had Twin Crazy and Twin Husky tonight but Big Bro revolted, hard. It was a very difficult time for him, and me. After hearing him and seeing him and hearing him say that he doesn’t want to take turns anymore and him consistently coming downstairs to me….. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I cleaned up as much as I could but then had to seclude myself in my room and cry, and cry, and cry. This is so hard. The forced separation while I am still here in the house is torturous; it’s hardest for Big Bro and he is at an age where he will remember. I am very concerned and it is just going to get harder for them. I need to be strong for them. And fight for what I believe is right for them.

So today was a day of whiplash for me. It was so great and then so heartbreaking in a matter of hours. I feel like I’m alone in trying to find what is best for them in the long-run – but am putting my trust into a child psychiatrist / custody mediator whose job it is to work out a solution that is best for the children.

I’m calling it a night –
thanks for listening –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: child custody, divorce, movie night, parenting, part-time, sisters, working mom, working mother

February 23: Getting things done

February 23, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Today is a lovely, sunny Thursday and Twin Crazy and Twin Husky are napping. This gives me time now to recap the day so far –

Highlights of the Morning:

All kids got up at about the same time this AM. I changed Twin Crazy and Twin Husky requested Daddy. Red was having problems picking out her clothes so I went in to help her. I gave all the kids their good morning kisses, with the exception of Twin Husky who didn’t want a kiss from me just yet, and also Big Bro, who would only let me kiss him through his blanket.
Big Bro was reading a book to Twin Crazy. He knows that she loves dogs and this one was about a puppy. He was so cute with her, “reading” the pages and talking about the pictures and asking her questions.
Kids ate well; mixture of cereal, bagels, oatmeal.
I brought down four piles of clothes today, including the Twins since they were staying home with me today.
Big Bro was reminded that he had bad behavior the night before and had his bike riding privledges revoked. He was pissed. He refused to get dressed. So I had to manipulate him a bit to get him going…. playing games, tickling him, etc. He ran upstairs and got upset when the other siblings came in to watch him. He even hid under a bed. He needed some alone time since he was upset about the bikes so I shoooooed everyone out, said that he needed some privacy, and together (alone) me and Big Bro got him dressed. That was the extent on my alone time with him today.
I gathered diapers and snacks for the Twins, took out Big Bro’s car seat from the van, and we dropped off Red. No real problems, except for clinginess. Twin Husky mentioned that Red was crying on the way out. The little ones noticed all of the stars hanging from the ceiling and were mesmerized for a bit.

The Day:

Twin Crazy, Twin Husky and I were headed to the city. My office is moving and there were extra filing cabinets and a swivel chair that they didn’t need so I headed in to pick them up. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky helped me pick out a swivel chair, and then had fun riding in it together. I had a colleague help me load the filing cabinets and the twins were busy being rolled around in the purple chair the whole time, on both trips. They had fun. Twin Crazy even made the connection between the city and the ferry rides – when we ride the ferry from home the boat goes into the city so people can work…. I couldn’t believe she made the connection and she was busy talking about it and how people were working and how Daddy takes the ferry. So cute. So smart.
Afterwards were were at home and put our shoes and jackets away on our hooks. Twin Crazy was super, super proud of herself for doing it by herself and she helped Twin Husky out with his shoes.
I cleaned up a bit and we played. They were too quiet so I went to investigate and there they were in my room playing with my decorative beads. I knew they were up to something. Then they came outside and were tumbling and counting. Twin Husky got all the way to “7” by himself without skipping any numbers.
Lunchtime – ground meat, pasta, papaya, black beans. There was food thrown all over the place.
I couldn’t help but look at work emails and respond to a few that were client-related.
Post-lunch puzzles. Twin Husky gets really into it. He spreads his body out and puts his face right down where the pieces are to put them together. He gets really intense about it. There was some fighting here and there so I decided they were ready for bed.
I’m now going to unload the filing cabinets and get to some other projects I need to start….also need to start thinking about dinner…

The Rest of the Day:

I finished printing out baby pictures of the kids for a framed wall collage I have been meaning to finish. Now all I need to do is put some hooks on the frames and get them up. I’m excited.

The kids woke up, and we went to Costco. They were so cute. Twin Crazy kept saying “costco, costco” in her own way. We kept talking about what we needed there (bread, fish, bagels, cream cheese) and it is so cute how both of them knew the list, and would add to it if I forgot to say something. While at Costco, Twin Crazy tried EVERYTHING offered to her in terms of sample food…. new england clam chowder, crackers, roasted chicken, noodle soup…. so cute. so adventurous. so hungry…..

We then picked up Red, and then picked up Big Bro.

I cooked an amazing diner of baked salmon, edamame, cucumber, and rice. We had sliced pears for dessert. The kids ate so much.

Twin Husky was busy throwing around a toy snake. I should have repremanded him but he was having so much fun and it was hysterical. I took so many pictures but many missed the snake in mid-air. I caught a few though that crack me up.

After dinner we did puzzles and started to work on the picture project and frame the photographs of the kids.

I had Big Bro and Red for bedtime tonight. We read a lot. They were fine – easy. It makes a difference when their bellies are full. I’m listening to them now, hearing some activity but at least no crying…

I had a great day today. It was fun with the kids, I got things accomplished around the house, scored two file cabinets and a chair, started and almost completed a photo project. I’m looking forward to calling it a night and doing it again tomorrow –

Til tomorrow,
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: Costco, fish, parenting, part-time, puzzles, working mom, working mother

February 22: Taking care of each other

February 22, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Happy Humpday – I enjoy Wednesdays since I work 1/2 day and from home. This saves me commuting time and also gives me the option to get things done around the house and/or spend time with some of the kids – I had a good day. I feel like I got things done that have been on my to-do list for awhile –

Highlights of the Morning:

Kids were basically cooperative and ate well, cooperated getting dressed. Red wanted to get dressed by herself and she requested that I not look in her direction. Big Bro thought this was funny. So he gave me a play-by-play: “She’s taking off her shirt now. Now she’s putting on her clean shirt”… etc. It was comical and Red, Big Bro, and I were laughing. The twins didn’t know what to make of it and I don’t think they picked up on the humor.

The kids saw that I had an owie on my arm – a burn that I got when making roast chicken last week. My watch started to pull off the scab so it actually is very red and hurts. I talked about it, and then I put a big bandaid on it. The kids were looking up at me with concern but I assured them that I was OK.

I strolled with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky as Big Bro joined the Motley Crew. We were running late but caught up with them. I loved to hear the echoing of his name from the kids as we approached. He’s part of the crowd. He requested that I not take any pictures. Peer pressure. So cute. He wants to fit in. I love it.

While at Big Bro’s school, a parent came up to me to tell me a funny story about Big Bro. Apparently her daughter’s friend was not in school yesterday, so she had the opportunity to spend some time with Big Bro. Well, apparently she got to know him a bit better and decided that she likes him. So she kissed him on the cheek. I guess this is what he was talking about when he said that some of the girls kiss him. Popular boy!!! I have to teach him to respect the ladies and treat them as people! I think with two little sisters, he should be OK in the long-run (hopefully).

I then strolled Twin Crazy and Twin Husky to their daycare. They were talking about the burn that I have on my arm and they wanted to see the band-aid again. They talked about “hot” and “owie” and “hurt” but again I told them I was OK.

I walked home from there – it was a nice morning but I had a lot on my mind; I got back to the house without noticing anything in particular.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I got home and topped off my coffee and began eating everyone’s leftover breakfast. I cleaned up and straightened up the house. I got my computer and phones out and started my day.

I had a conference call with a client and invitee to the special meeting we are having just to explain to her the purpose of what we are doing. She gets it now, and will forward the invitation on to the right people within her company. She is wonderful to work with.

I sent out special survey results to the members of one of our forums. These special surveys are a benefit that they receive from being part of these forums.

I reached out to the market through work contacts, clients, and also LinkedIn to secure primary interviews for a project that I am assisting with. It takes more time to get people to talk to you than actually conducting the conversations and thinking through the insights. So much time is spent going through the rolodex and finding the right people and getting them to agree to a meeting….

I spent some time reviewing a discussion guide for the new project that just started. It needs work. I feel like I can’t get to it properly today so will wait until Monday when I can sit at a desk and devote some real time to it.

Highlights of My Afternoon:

I decided that I did enough work for the day and switched gears. There was a project that I wanted to start and finish. Our Child Custody Mediator suggested a trick to get the kids to put their shoes and jackets in the right spot all the time – it’s brilliant in its simplicity. Hooks. So I spent some time printing out a photograph of the kids, cutting it up into four individual photos, and printing out their names in big pink/blue letters. I found some small bins for the shoes and organized them by person. Twin Crazy has the most shoes by far — not surprising, given the amount of hand-me-downs. No wonder poor Twin Husky has been wearing her shoes – he barely has any!!!

I then ran some errands. Post office, hardware store (hooks), drugstore (kid hand soap). I was debating whether or not to bring a child with me, but decided against it. I wanted time by myself this afternoon.

I got back and put the finishing touches on my project. Hooks were up. Photos were up. Names were up. Bins were out. All set.

I then decided to walk to get Twin Crazy and Twin Husky, to allow Big Bro to ride his bike back home from school. When I got to the Twins they were busy taking care of their Tigers and bears. They were wrapped up in blankets going “night night”. They were very particular about how to get into the stroller so as not to crush the Tigers/bears and to keep the blankets from unraveling. They were very, very protective of them./li>

Big Bro was pumped to ride his bike back from after-care. We enjoyed the walk back in the sunshine.

I then revealed the hooks and pictures and they were a hit. Whew!!

We picked up Red. No major issues.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I cooked dinner while the kids played. Red pretended to be a mommy feeding her baby on a rocker.

I cooked stove-top grilled chicken, brussell sprouts, and rice for dinner. We had sliced oranges for dessert. It was an easy clean up and quick dinner.

I drove the van from the driveway into the garage (about 15 feet) with all four kids in the van not in their car seats. They were squealing with excitement.

I changed the Twins in their PJs and talked to them and tickled them. I then sat with Big Bro to watch a Spongebob. Twin Crazy was bonding with Red — laying together, then going to wash their hands together with the new soap, and then Twin Crazy sitting on Red’s lap…. when it was time for me to take the twins up, Red actually walked with her up the stairs holding hands. So sweet. I love the fact that they have a sister relationship. I don’t have a sister so these kinds of relationships always intrigue me.

Bedtime with the Twins was great; easy. They each picked out a book. Twin Crazy wanted The Little Engine again and we talked about the story together. Twin Husky picked out an Elmo book. We then sang songs and called it a night. They both wanted to sleep with pillows tonight so I put them in their beds. So cute. We say “sweet dreams” and also “I love you” back and forth, back and forth, as I turn off the light and close the door. They are so easy it is almost frightening.

I gave kisses to Red and Big Bro. Leaving them was easier tonight.

But now….. I hear Red crying upstairs. Crying for me….. “Mommy……”. I can’t take this. It’s too hard. Hopefully he can get her to settle down. I ache for her. She’s still crying. Mommy mommy mommy. I’m going to her.

Til tomorrow
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorced, flex time, parenting, part-time, sisters, working mom, working mother

February 21: The Little Blue Engine that could?!?!?!?

February 21, 2012 by Mama K 2 Comments

Tuesday – after a long weekend – so this will be a super-short week for me. I don’t know if that is good or bad, since I am busy at work these days. It was a great morning until “the blow-out”….

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I walked into the Twins room and they were just waking up; Twin Husky was sitting up sucking his thumb with his Tigers, and Twin Crazy was hidden in her crib underneath a pile of blankets (the house was freezing this AM). They were quietly talking and mumbling and being sweet. I went to Twin Husky first since he seemed more awake. He was talking about the pile of books and the choo-choo train. Then Twin Crazy started talking about the train that was “broken” and how the other trains needed to “help”. I’ve been reading “The Little Engine that Could” to them in an abbreviated format, talking about how the one train is broken, and how THIS train doesn’t help, and THAT train doesn’t help, and THAT train doesn’t help (he’s too tired), but the happy little blue train helps. Well, Twin Crazy while in her crib suddenly becomes so fixated on retelling that story to me and she was so concerned about the train that was broken and I re-assured her that eventually the little blue happy train helped. We spent the next 15 minutes talking about this, all through their diaper changes, and getting ready to go downstairs. It was so cute. So cute how they feed off of each other and so cute how focused she can be so early in the morning.

Chocolate Tuesday! Twin Crazy and Twin Husky ran into Big Bro and Red’s room, talking about Chocolate Tuesday and about the train that was broken.

Big Bro and Red both wanted me to carry down their piles of clothes for them. They were excited about chocolate.

All kids downstairs were thrilled for chocolate tuesday. Fingers in the chocolate, chocolate all over faces. (I’m talking about Nutella for those that do not know – don’t worry, I don’t feed Hershey’s to the kids in the morning).

All bags were already packed and ready – jackets ready to go. We just had to get kids fed and Big Bro/ Red dressed. It all seemed easy.

I instant messaged our neighbor to confirm that Big Bro could ride his bike with them this AM. He got mad at me because he wanted the message to read “today and everyday”. So I had to resend a message since he went on strike and would not eat his breakfast otherwise. He was mad at me but then got over it. He got dressed very easily.

Red was next. She was doing great until we got to her shirt. She picked out a short sleeved shirt the night before, but the house was freezing this AM so when she put the shirt on she rejected it. I picked out 3 different long-sleeved shirts but she wanted a shirt that was in the laundry. So she rejected the 3 long sleeved shirts. At this point, we only had TWO drop offs (since Big Bro was outsourced to the neighbors) but believe it or not we were running late. So we decided to divide the drop-offs. Red still refused to put on a shirt. I threatened for her to just wear her jacket. Then her shoes were not in the designated place so I had to run around and try to find her shoes. That is something that just shouldn’t happen. All of the shoes should be in their place. With eight feet to get ready, we can’t afford the time in the morning to look for ONE pair of shoes. She knew I was mad so cooperated the rest of the time. She got on a shirt, got on her jacket, got into the car without a problem. Her drop off was fine, but she was clingy.

I am so frustrated today. Frustrated that I had a partner that just accepted this kind of routine. Frustrated that I did not have the support from him. Frustrated that we couldn’t turn to each other when things with the kids were hard. Frustrated that as a couple we could not get to a better place because of inertia and fear. I can’t wait to get through the next few months in this house.

I’m on the ferry right now and am still typing fast and hard at all of this. It is foggy. I don’t like that I have to rush for this ferry. I don’t like that I have to commute to the city away from the kids. I don’t like this situation right now. I need to get out of this “temporary” abyss that I am in. I need to re-start my life.

Work will be busy today. We have a client touchpoint today on the project we just started so I’ll need to connect with the team and figure out what we can share with them. I also need to get out a planning survey for one of our forums so I can start to plan out the Agenda and secure speakers. I also need to reach out to secure primary interviews for another project I am assisting on. I also need to see survey results from the other forum I am planning to see what topics I should focus on. Finally, I need to pack up my office – our office is moving over the weekend and today will be the only day I can physically pack up my stuff. Looks like I need to re-calibrate my “to-do” list above. It will be difficult to execute against all of it today.

Highlights of My Working Day:
OMG I was so busy today. I almost did not stop for lunch, but this was the last day in the office for me so my “last lunch” was a bit of a momentus occasion – I got a huge turkey sandwich with REAL roasted turkey. YUM.

I was able to work with the research house we used before to get the old survey tools used for previous survey work we did in 2009 and 2010; we want to do the same customer surveys this year and feature the results during our meeting in April. So, I will need to work with these materials and modify to get the survey ready for this year.

I met with a team member to talk about the progress and initial results of his work related to our client project. I separately met with another team mate to understand available secondary research to help with the consumer preferences part of our work. I packed both sets of materials and sent to the client; we met with them in the afternoon to discuss progress and they seem really happy to-date. After the call, I talked with each of the team members about my expectations for the next Tuesday’s client call – what I wanted us to provide to them and if it was doable. They both have their marching orders so hopefully we will stay on track. I’ll check up on them on Friday and again on Monday to get the materials ready for the Tuesday client meeting.

I had a quick update meeting for the other initiative we are meeting for in April; I sent out some more invitations and also set up some conference calls to go over the purpose of the meeting and gauge interest.

I sent out the Zoomerang survey to help plan for one of the forums in April. This will help to identify which topics are of interest and how I can structure the Agenda into “tracks” so that we are presenting on topics that are of interest to the group(s).

I then spent several hours going through 8 years of files and packing. It was difficult for me. A part was extremely cathartic – getting rid and purging old work that I know I will no longer need. But there were many memories that flooded me — pictures that the kids drew over time, pictures of the kids as babies, spare diapers, old clothes, personal paperwork that brought me back in time. Maternity leave paperwork, health reimbursement paperwork, research of cities and their affordability and strength of public schools, copies of my marriage certificate, pictures of colleagues who passed away entirely too young. 8 years were compressed into 4 moving boxes. And these included “junk” of mine too…. rubber chickens, a favorite lamp for soft lighting, and lots and lots of photographs. I’m looking forward to a new office building. New faces. A new neighborhood. New lunch spots, new watering holes. A new breath. A new start.

So now I’m on the ferry with my normal shoulder bag but also with a roller bag of other personal paperwork. The sun is out. It’s beams are reflecting off of the waves and are flickering on my table. It is pretty, and relaxing. Maybe this is a sign that things will be better for me going forward. I’m hoping so.

I have a pot-roast and chicken defrosting in the refrigerator. I think we’ll do the potroast tonight since it will be faster – with some pasta and veggies. I want to talk to Red tonight about this morning and how I felt mad but that we still love each other. Family members sometimes get mad at each other but it is OK to feel mad. It’s what we say, what we do, and how we communicate that is important – and that we all understand that we still love each other.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Big Bro and he was encircled by several girls, each writing the names of different boys on their notepads and putting “stars” next to each of the boys’ names. They said Big Bro has the most starts because he is such a good boy. A quiet boy. A nice boy. One of them even went over to him and hugged him. she was cute with long hair. He blushed.

He walked the long walk to get his bike and he rode it back to the van. I watched him as he walked and then ran away from me. He stopped once to look back to see if I was still there. I couldn’t help but feel a bit lonely then, but also proud of the person he is becoming.

We picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky next. They were both going on a walk and were very concerned that I was going to pick them up without their second sets of lovely blanket and Tiger. I assured them we would go back and pick everything up.

We all went to pick up Red next. Red had some issues on the way out. She refused to walk. So all of us were standing there and she wanted me to pick her up but I just wouldn’t do it. I can’t do it. I’m too old for this. We eventually made it out with her walking on her knees and crying the whole way out.

I made dinner – a Trader Joe’s pot-roast, shredded cheddar cheese, warmed tortillas, broccoli/string beans, and a can of black beans — while the kids played. They played with plastic balls and Legos and pots and pans.

Dinner was really good and really easy. The kids ate well. Afterwards there was an issue with Big Bro and Red – he pushed her so I sent him up to his room. He kept coming down so I told him firmly that he needed to stay in his room and play quietly with something – Legos, books, anything. He kept it up and eventually I sat with him upstairs and he read to me – his homework for the night. He was fine from then on out. He read me his book, and then we were greeted by Twin Husky. He played with some magnets and then also with Big Bro’s Legos. Then they both played Legos and were really cute together.

I called down to Red to have her come up. I was on for their bedtime tonight. She came up without a problem and bedtime routine with both of them was really very easy. We picked out the clothes they want to wear for tomorrow. However… Big Bro has refused to sleep in his bed and is now on my bedroom floor. And now, as I type, I hear Red crying through the monitor for “mommy”. I can’t take this. It’s too hard to see this right in front of me. Let me go and check in on her.

*****
I sat with her and rocked her for 15 minutes. I tried to put her in bed. She rejected it. Demanded her pillow and her doll. We came downstairs and I attempted to set her up next to Big Bro on my bedroom floor. She rejected that. She is pissed. And rightfully so. She wants her own bed but she wants Big Bro there too. She doesn’t understand. I don’t know what to do for her, for our kids in this situation.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, fear, frustration, new beginnings, nutella, parenting, part-time, working mom, working mother

February 20: Ending the 3-day weekend

February 20, 2012 by Mama K 4 Comments

The end of a 3-day weekend – bittersweet in many ways. Weekends are hard for me these days so 3 days makes it tough to get excited about. Today was a good day though –

I woke up early and continued laundry; the kids were up so I grabbed all the sheets for the last load of the week. I love the smell of fabric softener. I find it comforting.
All kids were up and sitting across on the couch getting ready for some T.V. Thankfully, Big Bro did not buy any movies. I still can’t believe he knows how to do this now. Then 3 of the kids broke out the funny animal hats and started playing with each other and pretending they were birds, dogs, ducks…. so cute.
I made a huge pancake breakfast; got the kids dressed; played a bit.
I took Big Bro and Red out for the morning. We just did some shopping – Big Bro needed some shoes and I needed a laundry bag. Both kids were GREAT with these activities. Big Bro originally wanted shoes with pictures on them or ones that lit up, but he’s in a size now for bigger kids and the shoes don’t really have those styles. He picked out a decent pair of black and bright yellow sneakers. He likes them. They both helped me at Bed Bath and Beyond for a laundry bag, and even saved me money since they both picked the cheapest one. I’m watching what I’m spending like a hawk now since I have to. I never thought I would go backwards in my standard of living but now it is inevitable so I’m changing behaviors definitely now.
At home, all kids were re-united and Big Bro initiated an activity for them all. He brought out markers and stickers and paper and had everyone on the floor creating art. I loved watching them and thought it was great that Big Bro took the initiative like that and that they were all sharing stickers and helping each other with caps, pulling the stickers off the sheets, etc.
Made lunch at home; kids napped in clean sheets.
They woke up and I gave them baths and showers. I love the smell and feel of clean kids. I love how they cuddle up to you. I cut 80 fingernails and toenails, my weekly ritual.
I made home-made pizza for them for dinner – Trader Joe’s has pre-made doughs that I keep in the freezer. Afterwards we had ice-cream. And watched TV. Big Bro played a Spongebob 2x since I didn’t watch it with him appropriately the first time. He really notices if I am watching it with him. He likes to do things with me and if I am distracted even sitting next to him is not good enough. So I paid attention the second time around, and made sure to comment throughout the show so we were talking about what happened.
Bedtime for the Twins tonight. I get Big Bro and Red tomorrow night. This didn’t work out well for Big Bro and Red. They were both crying and clinging to me. Big Bro more so than Red. He is very attached and this forced separation while I am still in the house will be difficult for us. I need to talk to our Child Custody mediator about this. Maybe/hopefully it will get easier for him during the week. Even Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were consoling him tonight after he barged into their room while I was sitting with them reading a book.

So, the 3-day weekend is over, I survived. We divided and I had good fun with both groups of kids; attended a birthday party, went to the zoo, and did normal day-to-day routine things with the kids.

Red is asking when she will be able to share a room with Twin Crazy – a “girl” room – I reply “someday soon” and cannot wait to be painting a room pink for my little girls. I have to be patient and know that soon that day will come. It will just be tough getting there.

Til tomorrow –

– Mama K

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Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: 3-day weekend, birthday party, children, clean sheets, divorce, empathy, fabric softener, parenting, quality time, shopping, working mom, working mother, zoo

Staying Sane: Learn something new

February 19, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

As working mothers I think we can all say that we’ve been guilty of diving too deeply into the roles of worker and / or mother and have lost ourselves at some point. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize and when a pattern is established, it’s hard to pull yourself out. It’s the same thing, day after day after day. But it doesn’t have to be. Just look at our children. Their days can be routine as well – in fact as we know, they typically thrive on routine. But what is it that fills their days (besides eating and pooping). Play. Learning. Exploring. Developing an understanding of the world around them. Over time it’s easy to forget the excitement in learning something new. Some people reject the concept altogether. But I love looking at wonder in a child’s eyes as you teach them something – it can be something simple. How does the clothes washing machine work? Where does food come from? What makes cars? Oh my goodness I can crawl… walk… run… jump… ride a bike… read…..

There has been a lot of learning in our household recently –

Big Bro’s fascination with MLK and Abe Lincoln, their assassinations, the size of the bullets…./li>

Big Bro learning how to ride a bike, learning how to read

Red’s activities at preschool – clean mud, taking care of her babies, her younger brother and sister

Twin Crazy’s efforts at the potty, dressing and undressing herself

Twins efforts at buckling by themselves

Taking trips to museums and zoos and learning about fish, dinosaur bones, moon rocks, alligators, painting, coloring, using scissors, seeing frogs jump, brushing goats, singing happy birthday, balancing on balance beams….

I think I have stayed in my profession as long as I have because it is something new — with every project and every year. Traveling to far away places to see different ways of living and experiencing new worlds has always been a thrill for me. I have always loved and admired people in much older generations that still embrace learning – embrace the internet, find a purpose for each new day, and continue to seek out new experiences. As people we need this. What comes so naturally for children becomes more difficult and maybe we have to try harder to push ourselves into the new and different – but how else do you grow? Or maybe some people don’t need this? It is OK to stay the same? Be content with where you are and what you know? Seek comfort in the safety for not striving for something more?

Where do fall along this continuum?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently since I will have some new found time freeing up in my life in the near future due to divorce. The time away from my children saddens me, but I am slowly starting to anticipate this time as a time for me. And part of that time I will invest in learning something new. I thought about music classes, cooking classes, …. but have settled on art. I think I’m going to take a water color painting class — we’ll see how these thoughts progress over time.

What about you?
What do you do to live more like your children and learn, explore, and discover the world around you? Does this make you happier and more balanced?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts –
Thanks for listening –
Mama K

Filed Under: Staying Sane Tagged With: balance, class, discovery, exploring, parenting, working mom, working mother

February 16: Spring cleaning

February 16, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Thursdays – my days with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. Today I had an extra special day since I had Big Bro straight after his Kindergarten and picked up Red after her nap. I am sitting now in a bed with clean fresh sheets, thinking over the days events, and feeling very relaxed and at this point happy with where I am and the kids.

Some Highlights:

All kids were going crazy for vitamins. They are like a pack of wild animals after those vitamins.

I strolled with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky as Big Bro rode his bike to school.

I enjoyed the stroller ride back. It was a beautiful, sunny day and the kids were in great moods. Very talkative, and acting silly with me looking up and making faces.

At home I cleaned up a bit but we had fun eating snacks, listening to audio-books from Pop-Pop and Emmy, running around and getting tickled, sharing my cream of wheat breakfast, playing in the pretend kitchen, eating more yogurt snacks, and coloring.

I started to make dinner – I browned some beef cubes and added spices and threw everything in a slow cooker. There. Nothing more to worry about for today.

I fed them lunch, and then had to kill some time before going to pick up Big Bro. So I decided to do some Spring cleaning. I vacuumed my room and pulled all the sheets off the bed. I hung up a clip frame to hang up the kids’ art. And then it was time to go.

For the stroller ride to school, I pulled back their seats into a recline position and they fell asleep since it was their naptime. I took it easy and went slowly during the walk. I was enjoying the day. Enjoying the sun. Loving the sound of birds and seeing all of the lemons hanging on the trees along the way. It took some time for them to get to sleep. I had to tell them that it was OK to close their eyes. The air was not too cool and not too hot. I breathed in deeply. I listened to the sounds of the stroller as it went over the cracks of the sidewalk. I walked with my eyes closed looking up towards the sun. It felt good on my face. It felt great to be walking – and be walking with my two little ones on my way to get my biggest one.

Big Bro was excited to see me so early. It was only 1 PM when I arrived. Everyone was sortof surprised to see me so early. I asked him if he wanted to ride his bike home and he ran like a bat out of hell; outside of the building and down the sidewalk all the way to his bike. He even wanted to ride it past his aftercare building so his friends could see him. He was so happy riding home and I was happy to be sharing it with him.

I tried to get the twins to sleep in their cribs when we got back but they just wanted to jump and play. I heard them on the monitor and I let them do their thing. I eventually brought them down and rocked them for a bit to rest. I love that time with them.

We went to pick up Red at 3 PM. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky love to go there. They like the attention and we were talking about their birthdays and about them just turning two.

At home we played. We colored. We played with stuffed animals. I did more laundry. We snacked. We did puzzles. We stacked blocks. I finished dinner.

The kids all ate like teenagers, except for Big Bro who is still complaining about tooth-aches. They asked for small bowls for the beef sauce and dipped their beef cubes in the sauce. Between the 4 of us (no Big Bro – he did not eat a thing) we polished off the entire meal.

The kids were happy – in great moods. We cleaned up toys and sat to watch some Spongebob. Big Bro was the only one really watching – the rest were acting giddy and running around and acting silly. They were so ridiculously happy. That’s what full bellies will do I guess.

Bedtime was somewhat normal; Twin Husky was ready and climbing into his crib.

Big Bro came downstairs and had a lot of questions about Martin Luther King and now also Abe Lincoln. Who killed them? With what guns? Do people still have guns today? I was busy looking up answers to his questions on my phone and he demanded to see pictures of the guns and of the people. He gets his mind on something and you can’t shake him of what he is thinking about – he gets totally absorbed and fixated. And not satisfied until he gets his answers.

I was also visited by Red, asking me to read her the “No David” book. We had a good time reading, talking about the pictures and about David’s behavior in the book. She is so sweet. She has fun telling me about the story and talking about what David is doing.

So that was the day. I am sitting here now quite tired but at peace; it was a long day but honestly one that I would not want to trade-in. There were lots of hugs, and talking, and conversations, and sunshine, and good food, and interaction between the kids.

Gotta go – Red is crying. This is really rough on her. Now they are both laying here with me – Big Bro asleep, and Red looking at my typing, clutching my arm. It’s going to get a lot harder for them before it gets better. I have to be there for them to get through it all.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, parenting, part-time, spring cleaning, spring day, working mom, working mother

February 15: Jamming!!!

February 15, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Happy Hump Day! I think I’m empathizing too much with all of you couples out there. I woke up with a horrendous headache, actually feeling like I was hungover from too much wine during a Valentines dinner. So far from the truth, I know. I was moving so slowly today until I popped some Advil. Today was my 1/2 work day, from home… I got so much done, it was a great day.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Twin Husky was playing with a balloon, throwing it up, and watching it fall down, and throwing it up, and watching it fall down, over and over….

The rest of the morning was standard, I think. Breakfast, changes, getting ready….I was going with Big Bro along with the stroller and Twins so had to move quickly to get myself together.

It was cold outside. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were bundled up. They enjoy the stroller rides. Big Bro rode as part of the Motley Crew and I even saw him try to grab pole position a few times off of the stopping points along the way. Go Big Bro! He’s feeling brave and gaining confidence.

I was set up to volunteer at Big Bro’s lunch today, but he asked me not to come. In fact, he kept asking me not to come. He’s not good with large crowds. It’s OK if I volunteer inside of his classroom, but in the big cafeteria is too much for him. So I was disappointed, but decided to honor his request. I’m set up for next week too so I’ll try again then.

I dropped the Twins at their daycare, and gave them big hugs and kisses goodbye.

My walk home was fast and brisk. It is damn cold outside. The sun is out and I’m feeling good about what I need to do today for work.

I get home, refill my coffee, eat a bagel, straighten up the kitchen, load the dishwasher, and throw in a load of laundry. I set up my computer, and get my phones nearby. OK. I’m ready to work.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I had a sales meeting with our internal team.

I sent out invitations to both of our forums for the special meeting we will be having in April to potentially launch a new forum. I’m excited to see the response I get back.

I set up some meetings with my team on Friday to get them to complete some deliverables in advance of our client meeting on Tuesday.

I started to think through some consumer research that we will need to develop for one of the meetings in April. We have time to execute on both but I need to gather the previous survey questions and analysis so I can build something with trending data over time. I found help to gather the materials and set up a meeting with a partner of the firm’s for Friday to map out a go-forward plan for the research.

I touched base with a colleague in London for some work that I will help him with – it involves some market interviews that I will need to set up, perform, and document. I think I’ll have the time to help him.

I started some sales outreach to get some more “guest” organizations to one of our forums in April. This is a way to sell memberships with new clients – invite them as guests, and have them see the value of the meetings and membership. I need to start the outreach which will become easier once I get the agenda put in place.

I reached out to some potential speakers for the events in April. I will have a lot more of this to do between now and then.

The Rest of the Day:

I went to pick up Big Bro at 3:30. He had fun riding his bike in front of the kids at his aftercare program. It is so strange to see your own child in those “peer pressure” kinds of moments… I feel like my own childhood was not that long ago… and I can see myself in him; I can easily imagine how he must feel to be riding his bike around his school, riding his bike to one section of the school, and just by chance seeing his aftercare class going to the playground although it was likely on purpose…. and riding in front of the kids, with all of the kids calling his name…. and he was riding around smiling and laughing and riding his bike in front of his friends. I wanted to take more pictures but I didn’t want to embarrass him.

Together we picked up Red, and we just happened to interrupt a science experiment where they were making “clean mud” out of soap shavings, water, and pieces of toilet paper. It was cute to see Red involved in her science experiment and I thought to myself how happy I am that she is in this type of learning environment. I just wish it didn’t cost so much! Now I feel guilty for Twin Crazy and Twin Husky.

Off we went to Trader Joe’s for food for tonight, oatmeal in bulk, and snacks that we are running low on. I can’t believe how much food we go through. I can’t imagine what feeding 4 teenagers will be like in 12 years time….

We then picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. While at home I had them set up with play dough as I cooked dinner. I sat with them as they played play dough as I folded clothes. And then I just sat and played with them.

After dinner came and went quickly. Bedtime was rough for Twin Crazy since we lost one of her sleep blankets. Hopefully it is at daycare. Big Bro is sleeping on my floor again tonight. He was complaining all night that his mouth hurt, and I’m wondering if his teeth may be coming in… he fell asleep so quickly and is deep in sleep now… it makes me feel good to know that he is getting extra sleep.

It was a really good day. I feel like I was able to be there for the kids and also had a very, very productive day at work. I really think that working several hours while at home is the ultimate of both worlds. I was able to cook for my family, get the house straightened up a bit, get some laundry done, but still be there for the kids. In the morning. In the afternoon. And I was so busy during the day for work. It honestly is working so well – I have something I need to send out that I forgot about (and will do that next) but tomorrow will be a free day for me. I am loving this.

I’m smiling now and gearing up for tomorrow –
Til then –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, flex time, parenting, part-time, working mom, working mother

February 14: Valentine kisses

February 14, 2012 by Mama K 2 Comments

Double fun! Chocolate Tuesday AND Valentines Day! Our morning was fun.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I left out Valentines Day stickers for each of the kids along their breakfast area.

Big Bro woke up early and got all ready – dressed, ate, packed…. to be ready in time for his bike ride to school with the Motley Crew. He gets ready now so quickly and has time leftover to spare.

Twin Husky was whining about a lot of things this morning – his balloons, his tigers, his bagel, etc. He started to smile when he was finally given some toast with chocolate Nutella.

Twin Crazy was loving her toast and Nutella. So much so that it flipped out of her hands and landed on top of her balloon and stuck there. Everyone was cracking up. It really was a funny sight to see.

Vitamins were a hit. All kids excited about the round of vitamins for all siblings now that the twins are two years old.

I dressed Twin Crazy in a cute red dress for Valentines day. I asked her if she wanted to get changed into clothes or back in her PJs and she definitely wanted to get dressed – and is doing a lot of it herself.

Big Bro was off to ride with the Motley Crew and I dropped of the Twins and then Red. She was clingy, as usual, but was excited about her bag of Valentines.

I parked the van in a ridiculous spot at the ferry parking lot. It fills up otherwise and I would have missed the ferry. I inched the mini-van VERY carefully into a “compact” spot. But the funny thing is that there were two other SUV/Mini-vans that did the same exact thing… the picture was just too funny not to take…

While on the ferry, I talked with a neighbor and joked about the parking situation and also the Valentines delivery that Big Bro and I did last night. His kids got the valentines just fine and they were so polite thanking me for their lollipops this morning. I did not think about work too much – but did think about what I needed to do on my walk to the office.

Highlights of the working day:
I was really, really busy and a bit under the gun. I feel like I’m working on too many things and am concerned that I’m going to drop the ball on our big meetings in April. I think a little bit of anxiety is good in these kinds of situations. It keeps you moving and it gets you to focus and get things done –

I sent out a poll for topics for one of the forums; and drafted the second poll for the second forum.

I had a debrief meeting for go-to-market activities for another forum

I set up my new project team with deliverables for them to work on this week (e.g., draft interview guide, list of available secondary research, status of analysis to-date); this will help to prepare us for the first client touchpoint meeting next Tuesday

I had a meeting with a different client to get up to speed with final stage of the project and expected timing

I sent out an invoice for above project

I was very busy today – both at work and on personal items. Things are moving fast. I like getting things done and moving closer to the end of the line. There are many target dates coming up in March and April so I’ll be very busy from here on out…

Dinner and Bedtime:
I was solo tonight but it was fun, easy, relaxed.

I picked up Big Bro first and he had a great time riding his bike from the school yard to the van.

Twin pickup was no problem, as was Red’s pick up.

At home, the kids were busy looking at and investigating Valentines. They promised not to eat any of the candy until after dinner.

I found Twin Crazy on multiple occasions “washing her hands” which really means that she breaks into the bathroom, turns on the water, and plays in the sink. At one point she had the sink completely filled up and there would have been water all over the place if it hadn’t been for that little drain hole in the top of the sink. She was soaked and complaining that she was wet. I let her feel the wetness and be cold for a little while so she could understand the consequences; but then quickly changed her since I feel bad, she’s only two.

I cooked the tandoori chicken with yogurt sauce tonight. Dinner was so fast. Clean up was so easy.

After dinner kids played, did tea parties, did tattoos, ate some candy, and were really, really, really well behaved. Twin Husky had a hard time when he wanted to put a tattoo on his stuffed animal tiger. He also had a hard time when I saw he was drawing on the wall – but he helped me clean it off so he was sweet too.

Bedtime was fine with the kids; Big Bro is having a slumber party on my bedroom floor – Red decided to go back upstairs to her own bed. I hear Big Bro sleeping – he was out in 5 minutes. I think it’s all the bike riding. He’s been great lately.

I’m feeling reasonably good tonight. I feel like things are going at a good pace at work and also at home. I am moving towards closure which has its ups and downs but overall I know that I am moving toward a finish line and feel good about the possibilities for my future – I am hoping to buy a home, settle down, root, and provide more stability for me and the kids. Start to live life and build a life – not the kind of life I dreamed of this time a year ago, but I can be happy with what life brings me in 2012.

So my Valentine’s Day was filled with kisses and hugs from my kids, and they gave me candy that they collected from school. Not a bad day, all things considering.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: bicycle, divorce, parenting, part-time, Valentines Day, working mom, working mother

February 13: My son is in the Motley Crew

February 13, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

It was a very busy Monday. Both at home with the kids and at work. I’m tired now and can’t wait to get to sleep.

Hightlights of the Morning and Commute:

All the kids woke up playing with helium balloons.

Big Bro asked if he could ride with the kids on bikes with our neighbor, and without me. I texted her and she said to send him on over at 8 AM. Big Bro was thrilled and jumped out of bed and got dressed. He was honestly ready to go – backpack ready, helmet on, good breakfast – by 7:40 AM. And was just waiting around to go. When I set him off he was so excited. He is growing up before my eyes. So many changes so quickly.

All the kids were excited about vitamins. Now that the Twins are 2, we are giving them children’s vitamins. It was a right of passage with Red, so I kept up the routine and these kids are so proud that they are now eating vitamins too. Twin Crazy kept talking about it in the AM and also at night.

I dropped off Red and she was happy, but clingy.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I got in and sent out meeting minutes for two planning meetings.

I also made some changes to a Kick off meeting presentation for a client project we are starting today. I had a meeting with the client and our team from 3 – 5 PM today. It went really well. They like us and I think the project will go well.

I spent some time staffing the project, and also getting one of the Consultants started on several pieces of work to get the project going.

I led an office touch-point meeting that we do on Mondays. Everyone is very busy.

I reviewed the go-to-market materials for the meeting we will have in April and will likely start that outreach tomorrow.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked the kids up later than usual since I had a meeting until 5 PM. So by the time I had everyone home it was 6:15. Dinner was at 6:45 and kids were tired/hungry.

After dinner we worked on a Valentines card project – essentially putting lollipops through little cards that the kids signed over the weekend. It was cute. The Twins were confused and really just wanted to steal/eat the lollipops.

Then off to bed. But first I stole Big Bro and we both delivered valentines that the kids did for the neighbors behind our house – the “Motley Crew” kids that Big Bro rides to school with. I had so much fun with Big Bro doing this. It was my idea to sneak out of the house, just him and me. And run to the neighbor’s house in our socks and leave the bag of valentines cards just outside of their house. It was Big Bro’s idea to leave the bag by the garage door, where they all leave in the AM — they don’t use the front door since they have their bikes…. so then we decided to find some rocks to hold the bag down so it wouldn’t blow away. As we were running back and forth I said “this is fun” and Big Bro said “Yeah, this is fun”. I loved it. I loved stealing him for 2 minutes and stealing this time with him.

I reminded Big Bro again that he is officially part of the “Motley Crew” and gave him a fist pump. He is happy. I told him how proud of him I am as he walked up the stairs for bed.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were counting to 10 during bedtime books.

Bedtime with the older ones was rough tonight. They were both crying for me. I hate being downstairs while they are upstairs. I found out last week that Red has been sleeping with her dad in the middle of the night so I caved in and let them both come down to me. So right now they are both snoring next to me. I might relocate to the couch.

I sent an email message to Big Bro’s teacher – he is stuttering recently and I don’t know if it’s something that he’s just picked up from the kids at school or if there really is a problem that we should be worried about. I might be over-reacting, and he might be doing this for attention, but it still concerns me especially since things are so strange at home.

I made the mistake of checking work email – one email was great; the client kickoff meeting went REALLY well and they are super engaged with working with us. Now I just need to make sure we deliver! But then I saw another email. I completely F%*&^5ed up an outreach that I did for a potential speaker and did not use proper protocol, but by mistake. I sent out an apology tonight and will follow up tomorrow when I arrive in the morning and am fresh. Ugggh. I’m ready for bed.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: bicycle, client presentations, parenting, part-time, Valentines Day, working mom, working mother

February 24: My heart is elated and then breaking

February 23: Getting things done

February 22: Taking care of each other

February 21: The Little Blue Engine that could?!?!?!?

February 20: Ending the 3-day weekend

Staying Sane: Learn something new

February 16: Spring cleaning

February 15: Jamming!!!

February 14: Valentine kisses

February 13: My son is in the Motley Crew

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