Staying Sane: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA IN MOTION

July 15, 2012 by Leave a Comment

OMG I can’t believe it.   I JUST realized right now that Mama in Motion is 1 year old today!!!    July 15…..

I can’t believe it.   I knew it was sometime this month but did not realize it was TODAY!!!

I’m going to have to do some celebrating.  Not sure how.   So much as happened this last year and I actually feel so grateful for having this as a channel for me to help express how I’m feeling but hopefully this has also helped other working mothers out there along the way….

This is actually a bit bittersweet since this past year (and months before that) have been so difficult for me.  It’s painful for me to read prior posts of when I was trying to keep my head above water and in the midst of depression.  And seeing the kids so little and not realizing at that time that we would now have split homes and their lives forever changed.

But on a happier note, I am so happy that I’ve kept this project going.  And I do get a thrill each time I receive a comment.  Especially from someone brand-new who is introducing themselves to the group.   We are a diverse and STRONG set of women.

 

I’m looking forward to celebrating this milestone and continuing this journey with all of you.

 

– Mama K

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July 12: Children’s tears

July 12, 2012 by Leave a Comment

It’s Thursday; my day off; but it was not a good one for the kids.

Highlights of the 1st half of the Day:

  • Kids got up early.  I think it was Twin Husky who was in my bed first.
  • One by one I hear them get up; and also hear them playing with Cocoa.   I get up at 7:45 AM.
  • Fast breakfast today guys…. cereal, yogurt, fruit…. NOT pancakes, which Big Bro requests.   It’s a fast breakfast because I have to get Big Bro driven to his field trip today for day camp.  They are going to a golf course.  I think he will love it.   Both Big Bro and Red question me on why they have to go to daycare.   I honestly do not know what to say to them.  I’m disgusted that I have to bring them there on my day off, and that Twin Crazy and Twin Husky have to sit through four different car rides of at least 35 min – 1 hour.  It’s just not right.  It’s my day off.  I should be able to choose to have them be with me versus having them go to daycare, if I am willing and able to do it.  This arrangement is depriving the kids of each other.   And of the activities that I would be able to do with them if they were here with me.
  • We get to the golf course and we are there early.  So I get the kids out of the car so we can all explore the golf driving range a bit.  The kids were great.  We felt the grass and the difference of the grass on the putting area.  They counted and played with golf balls.  They watched golfers as they worked on the driving range.   They watched the truck sweep the balls off of the driving range.   It was great.   Big Bro’s class arrived and when we left Big Bro was in tears.  I got the rest of the kids to the car quickly.
  • Drop off for Red was fine.  She was clingy and would not let go of my arm.  They were all playing outside in the yard.  One of her teachers was looking through a magazine, shopping for school supplies.  I asked Red if she wanted to go “shopping” with the teacher.  That worked.  She sat on her lap and received hugs as they went through the magazine together.  This place is great with us.
  • On the way out, Twin Crazy and Twin Husky couldn’t help but play in the kid-kitchen area.  They’re favorite spot.
  • I drove home with the Twins.  I gave them applesauce pouches as a snack.   The ride back was uneventful.
  • The kids played while I made them lunch.
  • After lunch we read some books and then it was time for naps.  They decide to hide on the couch in hopes of me not seeing them.   They went to sleep easily.

Highlights of the 2nd part of the Day:

  • Twins woke up but later than I had hoped… 3:30.   I quickly got them a snack and packed them up for the trip to pick up Big Bro and Red.  
  • Big Bro pick up was fine; Red’s pick up was fine.  She was playing outside on a swing with her friends.  Her teachers told me that she was upset and crying 1/2 hour after I left her this morning.   I can’t stand to hear things like this.  Especially when she could have been home with me.
  • While I was talking to the teachers, the kids started to amuse themselves in Red’s classroom.  They were all in the book area either reading books, resting on the little furniture, or looking at the lizard and fish.   I went over to them and decided to rest with them.  To watch them play together and enjoy this time with them.  Twin Crazy was pretending to read a book out loud to us and then got angry and told her siblings to stop talking and pay attention.  So, so, cute.  I even got a video of that one.   I got them up and out by reminding them to drink water and Red ran over to the class’ water fountain and she served everyone water.    So cute.
  • I wanted to get home early to have time with the kids, but the day was working against me.  I had them all buckled in and then the car wouldn’t start.  I don’t get it.  Lights were going on but the engine wouldn’t even attempt to turn over.  I bought this car only 5 weeks ago.   So I called Toyota and while we were waiting I grabbed all four of the kids and took them back inside the daycare center to play.   They had fun with each other.  I was playing games with Big Bro and Red.   Twin Husky was cleaning and collecting blue Lego pieces.  Twin Crazy was showing me how she can balance her body on a table and pretend she could fly.
  • The jump on the car worked fine and they assured me that a drive of at least 30 minutes should fully recharge the battery.  They were wrong.  When I got home the car would not start back up.  SHIT.
  • I quickly made dinner since it was so late; immediately after dinner it was time to get the kids ready for bed.

I’m tired of seeing the kids strapped up in their car seats.  I’m tired of the questions on why they need to go to daycare and that they do not want to go.   I’m tired of dealing with the twins as they cry when they are getting put into their car seats. 

Contrast that to last week, when I was able to keep the kids on July 5 and July 6.  I took them to the library to get library cards and books.  I took them to a museum where the learned about injured wildlife and how people work to help these animals get better.   And they played with each other like kids in the summertime.   And made lemonade and tried to sell it (four customers!)

This was a summer that I was looking forward to.   And the opportunities with the kids together were great – I’m taking this time off but this is not working, at all.  It has not been good on the family.   Changes need to be made.

Til tomorrow –

– Mama K

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July 11: Riders and farmers

July 11, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I worked a 1/2 day today from home and then picked up the kids after not seeing them since Sunday.   It is also so late right now that I hope to be brief…

Highlights of My Working Day:

  • I woke up later; showered; drank lots of coffee.   Straightened up my “office” at home and realized that I need to get this place organized so I can be more efficient.  It is the “holding” place for lots of boxes that I just have not had the energy to go through and unpack.  This room is the least put together of all the rooms in the house.
  • I had a internal call to straighten out some billing issues and then we discovered more billing issues going back several years.  Ugggh.  What did I inherit?
  • I talked with a friend from college for a bit; caught up with each other; we are both going through hard times now but support each other.  We think so much alike.  I don’t have to take those extra steps to explain things to her.   She just gets it and understands how must feel without me even talking about it.  She finishes my sentences for me.   It makes it easier to explain my story.  I miss her and will likely not see her again for a very long time.
  • I led a planning meeting with several clients for one of the forums that I need to organize this Fall and we came away from the call with lots of great ideas.  I now have my marching orders so will be busy the next several months.
  • I sent out some communications to potential replacement lawyers for the forums and also potential new clients.
  • I spoke to my friend from work who is leaving and both of us burst into tears on the phone.  She is leaving the firm and accepted a job in NYC so her husband could be better positioned to find a job in that market.  I am so proud of her.  I am continuously struck by the strength and power of women who do whatever it takes to provide the best for their families.  Is it part of our DNA?   Are working mothers a force to be reckoned with?   We are so strong!  

The Rest of the Day:

  • I was still teary on my way to pick up the kids.   It felt so good to see them.  To feel them in my arms.  Big Bro saw me first and he was busy washing his hands of finger paint.  He kept washing his hands and purposely did not run over to me — he’s at that age where his friends are important; I was OK with that though.  I knew what he was doing.   And I knew that at some point tonight he would specifically ask me for some one-on-one time.   That’s just the way he is.
  • Red was outside with her friends doing water play.  But she was sitting by herself.  I asked her teacher if she was OK and she said that she was playing but then suddenly got a little sad and wanted to sit by herself.   When she saw me she ran into my arms and I started pulling her up to do flips against my body.  It’s our “thing” together.   We looked at the classroom lizard on the way out.  I then saw her teacher again and asked her about the “baby talk” that I’m hearing from Red.  This is new.   And the teacher heard it too.  I want to understand if she does this during the day when I am not around or if this is something that she is doing now in front of me.  I don’t know what to make of it.
  • Twin pick up was great.  They wanted to show me how they ride their tricycles.  They are getting so good with those pedals and steering.
  • On the way back we got stuck in traffic.  We talked about trains, music (picking out the drums, guitars, etc.).   A Motley Crue song came on “Wild Nights” and Big Bro heard the DJ and commented on Motley Crue and how that is like HIS Motley Crew gang…. Yes!  Absolutely!   That’s why I nicknamed his riding crew the “motley crew” as a joke.   It is so great how we are engaging like this with each other.   I’m really enjoying this older age.
  • We got home and Big Bro and Red wanted to go next door and check on the neighbors.  I’m glad they miss their friends.   I threw dinner in the over and headed outside to work on strawberry bushes.    Putting stakes in the ground and tieing up the stems.  The bushes are getting big now and the leaves are getting heavy.  When they get watered the stems just limp down so I figured they needed some support.   The kids were interested in what I was doing and even started to help with watering them.
  • We ate quickly and had lots of veggies and fruit
  • We then went back outside and started to plant carrot seeds in a seedling kit I recently bought.   The kids all worked together to fill the little containers with soil, then put the seeds in, put more soil on top, water them, and then press the soil down.  I love these projects where they all work together.
  • I knew it was bedtime when Red and Twin Husky started fighting over a broom.
  • We read books to the Twins in the living room and then tucked them in.  Red stayed with Twin Crazy while I read a book one-on-one to Big Bro, per his request.   I then read one-on-one to Red.   I need to spend more time with them but I don’t know how else to do it.  I would like to start “routines” like this so that I know I can at least squeeze in some mommy-time for each of them, consistently.  But I need to do more.
  • The boys fell asleep right away; the girls were up for a bit.  Red was happy and very talkative.  Cocoa was also in their room this week.  I taught them the meaning of the word “roommate”.

I am so tired right now.   I had an emotional day with tears and that always wipes me out.  And then add to that seeing the kids again.  And feeling like they changed a bit and I missed out on it.  And hearing Red’s baby-talk.   And hearing in the car how the kids don’t like the car seats or sitting in traffic.   I wish co-parent would agree to come closer in proximity.  He doesn’t see how the drive and commute is affecting his kids.   It’s terrible.  And tomorrow the Twins and I will have to make four trips.   I’ll have to give them a treat of ice-cream or something.

Til tomorrow –

– Mama K

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Staying Sane: Reuniting with friends

July 8, 2012 by Leave a Comment

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”   Albert Camus 

You can laugh with your friends in good times, and you can support each other in not-so-good times.   Sometimes you lose touch over the years and then they re-enter your life again without skipping a beat.   Reuniting with old friends is wonderful.  Knowing that your friends are there for you in tough times is priceless.   For working mothers, friendships with others helps to balance your life and you may be drawn into new friendships simply because you have so much in common with these working women.  It’s good to know that the person “gets it”.   It’s also good to reach out to friends when you need help.

Through the last year I’ve had different kinds of interactions with friends; this last year has been brutal for me.  I’ve gained new friends, reconnected with many old friends, and yes lost some friends along the way.   Now that I have more time on my hands I’ve wanted to open myself to my friends but so much is so difficult.  I’m reaching out but having discussions is tiring for me; reliving experiences sometimes too exhausing to explain.  So I have this time available to me, but I’ve also been retreating a bit.   Healing.   It’s kind of a dance with me.  I connect, then retreat.  Connect, then retreat.  But I know my friends are still there.

I reached out to some old college friends tonight after I dropped off the kids at co-parent’s, and caught up with their lives.  Everyone has their own issues.  I was reminded tonight that it is best to be happy with where you are at the moment; just take it in for all that its worth.   Thank you Lisa!   And this coming week, I have a lunch date with a friend who has honestly been my lifesaver this past year and more.

However I also retreated from some friends this weekend.   A birthday party for a friend’s son – the kids went with co-parent and I just couldn’t muster the energy to go.  Sometimes it’s hard for me to see couples who are starting families – it makes me think of myself at those stages – so hopeful.   Sorry Romina for missing this – I know it meant a lot to you.  Honestly the kids HAD A BLAST and I heard all about the pony and petting zoo.  The Dora pinata is proudly displayed in the “girls room”.

I also canceled on old friends from my NYC days – for good reason, I believe.   I was to meet them with all of the kids at her house but start early since I would have to leave early.  But my heart wasn’t in it.  The kids woke up with me this morning and they were having so much fun with each other and the chickens and just playing and being.   I was doing lots of laundry and the kids were keeping busy on their own.  And then it was 10 AM.  The time when I say that it’s appropriate to go to the next door neighbor’s house to see if they want to play.  The family next door was on vacation the past two weeks and the kids had not seen them during that time.  When the neighborhood kids came over, that is when the magic started.   Laughter.  Running.  Hugging.  Talking about “Cocoa”.  Playing ball.   Tickling.   And I just stayed back and watched it and laughed.   So, my heart just wasn’t into taking the kids away from their new friends and getting on yet another highway.  Big Bro is the worst now with the highways and he doesn’t want to go anywhere anymore.  I just wanted to stay at home with them and hear them laugh.  And see them run.   And see their happiness for each other since the neighbors are just as excited to see us as new neighbors now.

So I canceled on my friend.  So that the children could have fun and cultivate their own new friendships.  And it didn’t matter a bit to my friend.  I talked to her.  She completely grounded me.  “Of course don’t feel bad – you are doing exactly what you should be doing right now….”

So we stayed.  And the kids laughed.  And played.  And scared the guinea pig.  And ran.  And ate.  And fell down.  And kicked balls.  And hugged.  And giggled.   And made MORE lemonaide and tried to sell it to the neighborhood together (they each made $1.25 for their efforts today).

Two of my closest friends, friends who know EVERYTHING that has been going on in my life over the years, I made at work.   So there is the biggest benefit I suppose for being a working mother.   Being around other women who can relate to you like some people cannot.  They know the challenges, the struggles, the tensions.   And through this you can form the strongest of friendships.

So this is a big “thank you” to my friends.  Some closeby, some far away.   But still there.  And those that continuously reach out to me to check in and see how things are going.   And offer to help where they can.  And to listen if I have the energy to talk about things.  This means a lot to me.   

Hopefully you will agree that a big part of staying sane and staying grounded is keeping those friendships alive; supporting one another; and giving those big hugs to your friends whom you have not seen in a long time.

Have a great week everybody

– Mama K  

 

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July 6: Lemondaide for sale! $0.25!!

July 6, 2012 by 1 Comment

Friday, and the last of the 2 days that Big Bro and Red were “allowed” to stay home with me, along with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky.  It was a great day.  No, it was an AMAZING day.

Highlights with the Kids:

  • I woke up at 7 AM to Twin Husky, pitter pattering in my room.  He climbed into my bed.   Then came Twin Crazy.  Then came Red.
  • It was cold when we all got up so I put on the fireplace as I made breakfast.  Twin Husky helped me stir the pancake mix;   Everyone was hanging out, lounging, including Cocoa our guinea pig.  It was wonderful to have everybody there.  No rushing.  No running.  Just being.
  • After breakfast I wanted to lounge around too.  I read books to some of the kids while others were playing with Cocoa.
  • I got the kids to get dressed quickly.  I wanted to explore my new neighborhood again.  But first Big Bro wanted to start some popsicles so they would be ready when we came home.  All I had was pomegranate juice.   Overall he does not like going on trips and would rather stay home.  He’s fine once we get there though.  I think he’s sick of the car.  I don’t blame him.
  • I found an amazing museum about 2 miles away from the house.  It is a wild-life preserve and rehabilitation site for sick and injured wild animals.  I told the kids how important this place was and how some animals are pets and if they get sick or hurt their owners take them to the vet… but where do wild animals go if someone finds them hurt????    I bought a yearly family membership as soon as I got in there.  Some of the animals are always there and cannot be released (e.g., birds with one wing).   But there is an entire section of the building for rehabilitation of many animals that is not open to the public.  The kids saw alot of birds, touched a snake, looked through magnifying glasses of feathers and snake skins, amused themselves with puzzles, and we even saw a demonstration of workers feeding 3 little baby birds.   I loved it there.  I want the kids to understand the importance of places like this and the responsiblity we have as people to care for animals in need where we are able.  
  • Once we got home we ate like crazy.   After lunch Twin Crazy and Twin Husky ran around outside naked while Big Bro played with them with the hose.   Then it was nap-time.
  • During the twin naps, Big Bro, Red and I made lemonaide.   We had a childrens book about making lemonaide that I must of read to them 1000 times; they were busy making it and it really tasted good!!     I went out back to weed with the weed-wacker, thinking they would come outside or play quiety inside… but they had other ideas.  They wanted to set up a lemonaide stand and asked me to write the sign.  They set up in the front of the house and were working so hard.   There were construction workers down a few houses and Big Bro kept yelling “Lemonaide for sale”.   He even wanted to go door-to-door.   There were four separate customers but other drive-bys with smiles on people’s faces.   They were so cute.  They were working so hard.  I taught them about “price” and how 4 quarters make up 1 dollar and before you knew it, it was time to get ready to leave.   I promised them I would buy more lemons on Saturday and that I would help them make more lemonaide on Sunday and have a proper stand – I think there will be more traffic then.

After the kids:

  • Drop off was fine.
  • I went to Costco to stock up for the kids.   At the cashier I learned that my in-laws stopped my Costco membership — don’t they realize that they are only spiting their own grandchildren by doing that?   I was still able to buy my stuff though so that was good.
  • I got back; unpacked my loot; and did some more weed-wacking.
  • I’m now showered and feeling full from raspberries, Life cereral, and a nectarine. 

I’m feeling great and happy here.  I’m listening to crickets as I type this.  I love this house.  I love seeing the children in this house.  I love waking up to pancakes and a fireplace with them.  And a guinea-pig.   I love seeing them sell lemonaide to the neighbors, and how the neighbors keep introducing themselves to us.  I love this day I had with them.  I only wish I could have more.  I wish the children could have more of these days too.  At home with mom during the week, with all of the kids together.

Have a great weekend –

– Mama K

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July 5: Responsibilities and work

July 5, 2012 by 1 Comment

Thursday is here and I’m pretty psyched. Today I usually do not work and have responsibility for the kids. However, I’ve been instructed that Big Bro and Red need to be taken to daycare on my days off, even though I keep Twin Crazy and Twin Husky with me, even though it is just daycare, even though I do not work on these days and WANT to be with them, and even though Twin Crazy and Twin Husky are now forced to ride on the highway FOUR times to do the drop offs and picks up with me.

I’m psyched today because co-parent “allowed” me to keep everyone home today and tomorrow since he had a vacation with them on Monday and Tuesday of this week. So I had the day with the kids, ALL of the kids, and it was great.

Highlights of the Day:

  • The kids woke up at 8 AM. They hopped in my bed and I loved it. Red brought in “Cocoa” they guinnea pig and I hoped she would not poop in my bed.
  • We had a fast breakfast and all got changed. I picked some weeds and feed the chickens as the kids got changed.
  • We hit the library in my new town to check it out and get the kids library cards. IT IS HUGE!!!!! Big Bro knew how to get a library card. I did this with him at our old house. Thie kid needs to know how to write their names by themselves. So that was easy for him. The big news is that Red is now writing her name too!!! So she got to sign up for a library card too. I told them the responsibility that comes with having a library card. How they are responsible for taking care of the card and for taking care of the books we borrow. They were pumped. We all headed to the books and passed a huge section of DVDs that I got excited over. We picked out books first, one for each child, and then went and picked out 2 DVDs. They were all excited.
  • We snacked outside of the library and made it to the car in one piece. We had some lunch and then the Twins took their naps. I read their new books to them.
  • During naps we played with Cocoa, watched some TV, and did work in the yard. Me and Red worked together to dig holes, water the earth, and plant corn stalk sprouts that were given to us by our neighbors. She was great with the hose. She also found time to chase chickens and she picked up two on different occasions. I’m calling her my “chicken whisperer”. She’s really good at getting them and they seem to like her. Her face looks so proud when she holds them – she tries to hold back a smile which is so cute. Big Bro helped me to repot a raspberry bush to a bigger outdoor pot. They both really enjoy the one-on-one time and working together with me.
  • After naps, the kids played on scooters, and I continued to work in the yard. I used some shears to cut back some trees in the driveway. Big Bro swept.
  • The five of us took a walk to the mailbox for a break – someone was crying beforehand and I needed a diversion.
  • I then got adventurous and started to “weed wack” the mass of dead weeds in the backyard. WHY DID I WAIT UNTIL NOW TO START USING IT? THE THING IS AMAZING!!!! The weeds come down within seconds and seriously the yard looks so much better. Big Bro and Red were turning my Tumbler of compost, and then also got rakes to clean up the dead weeds. They were both working so hard. So cute. Twin Crazy was scared of the weed-wacker.
  • I started dinner. All kids ate like teenagers from all of the hard work. Big Bro said I guess we are good gardeners. And I have a green thumb!
  • I cleaned up and the kids played. Afterwards we sat and relaxed and started to watch a DVD about baby animals. Twin Crazy squealed. I made air-popped popcorn and the kids went nuts. They love that thing. Then it was time for bed.
  • TWIN HUSKY USED THE POTTY AND SOME PEE PEE CAME OUT AND ONE LITTLE POOP!!!! I am so proud of him.
  • Big Bro did not want Cocoa in my room any longer. He asked if she could be kept in the kids rooms. Sharing weeks. One week in the Boy room, one week in the Girl room. Red and Twin Crazy were fine with that idea. I told them that having Cocoa in their room comes with responsibility. Whomever’s room she is in, needs to make sure she has enough food each day and also needs to pick out her poops from the cage. They all agreed to this plan.
  • We brushed teeth and read books in the living room. Someone noticed deer ourside in our backyard (probably puzzled by the new look of the yard and the lack of flowing weeds). All kids went nuts. Twin Crazy was later scared about the deer and Big Bro admited that he was scared a bit too. I reassured them about the doors and the house and the alarm. That seemed to work.
  • Everyone went to sleep immediately. It was a full day.

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    I am now sitting in bed and feeling great; but also thinking about the list of things that I need to do for the custody evaluation, financial mediation, and also getting my new lawyer up to speed on my case. I really need to get a lot accomplished and its just too difficult to get motivated. I just want to sit in this house and enjoy myself with the kids.

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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    July 2: Happy (?) birthday to me

    July 2, 2012 by 3 Comments

    I turned 42 today.

    Half of my life ago and on the evening before my birthday, I attempted to keep up with friends who were buying me too many shots for my 21st birthday. I promptly proceeded to vomit an entire box of raviolis into the bushes outside of the bar where we were celebrating.

    Today, I go to work and have a series of planning meetings for the company. I go out to dinner with a friend and co-worker (and her husband, and her two small kids) who will soon be leaving the company and this city. I will miss her. Thank you Ro for making my birthday special.

    And then I go home to an empty house, with the exception of a mailbox full of mail and a guinea-pig that we recently named (“Cocoa”). I threw in some laundry. I put on the lawn sprinkler. I watered my newly planted trees and berry bushes.

    I did not hear from the kids today, nor was I expecting to. I will see them on Wednesday AM and will have them all day Wed, Thursday, and Friday until 6 PM.

    What a difference 21 years makes.

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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    June 28 and 29: Pop-pop and Emmy are here

    June 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

    I didn’t post yesterday since it’s been REALLY busy the past two days.  My dad is here with his wife; I’m thankful for their visit, am psyched for them to see this new life, and excited about the kids and their experiences with Pop-pop and Emmy.   The kids have been talking about the visit and were so excited to see them.

    Highlights:

    Thursday

    • Waking up and caring for still nameless guinnea-pig
    • watching “Geek Squad” from Best Buy come back again to program the remote control (by the way – it is busted again and they will need to come out again)
    • Playing computer games on various iPads
    • Holding chickens
    • Making “fart” noises with the air pump hose
    • Making air-popped pop corn and trying to watch a movie with the tv/remote control (NOT)
    • Having my next door neighbor give us little shoots of corn-stalks to plant in our yard since she ran out of room
    • Running around at night before bedtime, through the yards and in parades and laughing and having to take breaks for breath and running running running and laughing laughing laughing with all of the siblings.  Too much fun.  This is the kind of activity that I remembered as a kid.   I just sat on the rocking chair watching their fun

     

    Friday:

    • Cleaned out still nameless guinnea pig cage
    • Red held another chicken and proceeded to chase chickens around the property trying to hold them some more
    • Fed nameless guinnea pig an apple slice
    • Went to Target and had the kids in two different shopping carts; went shopping for house stuff as well as stuff for the kids; Red had a one-on-one shopping experience with Emmy where she was able to pick out HER OWN shirts and pants.  She never really had this experience before and has always had hand-me-downs; I am grateful for Emmy for giving her this experience; she gave us a fashion show when we got home.  Got “crocs” for all kids to help with the outdoor action and mulch migration into the house
    • Relaxed at home the rest of the day; played Legos
    • Took the kids back to co-parent’s.  Red informed me that we did not have enough time today together.  I felt guilty.  I mentioned the coloring that we did, but she reminded me that was Yesterday, and not today….
    • Went out to dinner with my dad and Marsha.   It was great.  I am tipsy.  I enjoyed the meal, converation, and the dessert.  I will be 42 on Monday!!!!!

    I am feeling reasonably good; I feel even better about the decisions I made with this house.  It was the right thing to do given the circumstances.  It is the right thing for our family.   I am ready for this upcoming birthday and feeling reasonably OK with where I am in life now despite the friction around me.

    Have a great weekend all –

    – Mama K

    Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

    June 27: Different kinds of Love

    June 27, 2012 by Leave a Comment

    Wednesday!   I get to see the kids today!

    1/2 day of work.   I banged out a lot of things – getting meetings organized, reaching out for “testimonials” to help bolster some sales materials, planning meetings for next week.   I worked from home so also got the wash done, got the trash bins organized, and did some general straightening up for my guests who flew in today – my dad and his wife – aka Pop-Pop and Emmy!

    After work I hit the road and stopped at Home Depot to return some things.  $75 back in my pocket!  Yeah!   Also picked up some things at the old house and dropped off some borrowed things at a neighbor’s house.  Then picked up the kids!

    Highlights:

    • Attended a “sea” puppet and dance show with Big Bro and Red.  Both were excited to see me.  Red sat on my lap.  Big Bro wanted to fill me in on all the funny things that I missed during the first half of the show.   They both were really enjoying themselves.  I was happy to be there with them and stayed with them until the show was over.  We were in no rush.
    • Picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky next.  Twin Husky’s first words to me were “Me missed you Mommy”.  OMG my heart melted and I could not stop hugging them and making a HUGE fuss over seeing them.  They were excited to come with me and knew that Pop-Pop and Emmy were coming today.  We all talked about that on the way home.
    • New plates arrived for the kids – helping with portions of fruits/veggies, breads/grains, and meats.   They ate like crazy tonight and really got into their new plates.
    • There was bonding time with the still-nameless guinnea pig.
    • We picked weeds while waiting for Pop-Pop and Emmy.   We filled up a wheelbarrel and then fed the chickens.

     

    • The kids were pysched to great our visitors and show them their rooms.   Everyone was acting very silly and then it was time for  bed.   Kids were great.
    • Tonight Red asked me if I loved everyone in the family.  I said yes that I loved Nana, Pop-pop, Emmy, …..  She said “Noooooo” and seemed frustrated.  She meant co-parent.  I told her that was a difficult question and explained to her that there are different kinds of “love”.  How the love she has for her blanket is different than that for her friends at school than that for her guinnea pig and that for Mommy or Daddy.  I said it was the same for me.  I love chocolate ice-cream, but the way I love each of the kids is different.  It FEELS different to me.  Like her different kinds of love must feel different to her.  There are different kinds of love.  I did not answer her question head on since that would be un-nessessary.  But I did want to hear her.  I did want to answser her someway.    She is trying to understand and I am just grateful that she feels comfortable enough to ask me those kinds of questions.   I want to keep them talking.  Keep them questioning.  Keep them engaged.

    I’m so glad that my family is here.  I’m so glad that this house is full.   Full in many different ways.   Just like there’s different kinds of love.

    Til tomorrow –

    – Mama K

    Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

    Random Thoughts: Interesting article – “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All”

    June 25, 2012 by 3 Comments

    THANK YOU Mama V for sharing this  –

    http://m.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/6/

    So much of this article resonated for me; the expectations, feeling of failure, stress.   If she is correct and we need society to change to make it better for the rest, I fear we will be waiting a LONG time – even though there are so  many working females out there.

    I don’t know what the answer is but happiness for me at least is the CHOICE to do what you want to do; for me, working from home, flexible work schedule, telling myself that its OK to “side step” a career for a portion of my life, the notion of “investment intervals”….   Many people do not have the luxury of choice – if you have it, don’t be fearful but EMBRACE IT.   Do what you need to do for yourself and for your family.

    What are your thoughts ladies???

    Please read and let us know!

    http://m.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/6/

    – Mama K

    Filed Under: Random Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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