divorce – Mama In Motion™

March 16: Fish

March 16, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

Friday! Home with ALL kids (Big Bro’s school was closed today) AND my mom! It was a great day.

Highlights:

All kids were excited for a “home day” — all of them together. We kept the same wake up routine and got everyone dressed and ready to go. I decided to take everyone to a science museum and acquarium today. It was awesome. We went through a rainforest, looked at macaws, frolicked with butterflies, looked at trees, went up a circular ramp, and stuck together/watched out for each other. We also went to check out a HUGE acquarium, were dazzled by the jellyfish, and had snacks by the huge tank looking at all of the fish. We had fun interacting with a penguin and also running around and chasing each other. The kids were so great, everyone basically stuck together and looked out for each other. Twin Husky was wandering a couple of times but did not seem scared or upset – Big Bro and Red were both excellent big siblings. Big Bro also had fun being in charge of the umbrella since it was still raining non-stop today.

We went to lunch afterwards and the kids ate well. All were well behaved and enjoying themselves.

At home the younger ones took a LONG nap while Big Bro sat with me and lounged in front of TV, talking about moose, polar bears, etc. He got a bit cranky with me and I asked him to go away for some quiet time. He lashed out at me by throwing toys around. He lost his bike privilege for Monday and I helped him put the toys back in their bins.

We had a feast for dinner. Salmon, to keep with the “fish” theme. Twin Husky was shoving food in his face, Twin Crazy was eating well with a spoon, Red kept getting more helpings… only Big Bro was “off” tonight….

Afterwards the kids had fun playing lillipads with pillows, and running around with each other.

On our way upstairs, I heard Red screaming. I get into their room and she is naked and Big Bro is puking rice onto the floor. Now I get why he didn’t want to eat and was a bit cranky this afternoon. I made sure he was OK, then addressed Red. Poor naked Red. I washed her down and she calmed down. I cleaned up the mess in the room. I’m actually amazed at how quickly everything went back to normal. Big Bro was not even that upset about anything and just took it easy. I still read to them and talked with them and Red just said that Big Bro was sick. She was not upset or anything. I was pleasantly surprised.

Tomorrow is Saturday and I would normally be pumped about it, with my Mom here and everything, but the ex is here too, which makes things very weird. Hopefully he will find a way to entertain himself solo tomorrow so me and Mom can enjoy our last full day together with the kids.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: aquarium, divorce, fish, parenting, part-time, working mom, working mother

March 15: Siblings playing

March 15, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Today was nice in that I had the kids and my mom here, but overall it kindof sucked since a morning meeting related to the divorce put a damper on the day.

Highlights of the Day:

I came back home to my mom with Twin Crazy, Twin Husky, and Red working on laundry after playing with play-dough the majority of the morning. I gave them a snack and then worked on lunch.

After lunch they colored. Red wrote her name, after us telling her what letter comes next. Twin Husky and Twin Crazy were both very busy with their coloring. My mom took all of the pieces of art to take home with her as keepsakes.

Naptime. This did not go over well at all. Twins were jumping up and down in their cribs, laughing and cackling with each other. Later Twin Husky, who normally loves to nap, decided he wanted to be downstairs instead. He was furiously crying. I went to pick up Big Bro while my mom stayed behind, and even when we came back he was still crying. So, I grabbed him. He wanted to go downstairs. So Twin Crazy wanted to get up. And Red never went to sleep – she was just resting, looking at a book. So all kids were up, and not very rested. I sat with Twin Husky on our rocking chair and he snoozed a bit which was good for him (and for me).

We had snacks and then gathered our wheels (scooters, bicycles, balance bike) and headed over to the courtyard. Then all the other kids came out. It was cute seeing all the kids playing together. And seeing Twin Crazy and Twin Husky playing like the big kids. They would line up along a garage door and wheel down the driveway together. They bounced balls with each other. It started to sprinkle and they shared umbrellas with each other. It was all very sweet.

Back at home I made dinner with the help of Red and Twin Husky. Chicken cutlet with home-made breadcrumbs. So easy, and it makes the chicken so damn good.

Afterwards the kids were playing with each other. They were pretending that the trundle bed (normally under Big Bro’s bed) was a boat and all the kids were playing on and off the boat. Big Bro was the director, directing everyone’s play. Then they were playing with blankets and hiding underneath. Big Bro was also hugging them and swinging them around in circles. So cute.

We headed downstairs for some quiet time; I then put Twin Crazy and Twin Husky to bed without a problem. Twin Crazy was cute in that she REALLY wanted to kiss her twin brother good night. But he wouldn’t let her. So I taught her how to “blow kisses”. Twin Husky was blowing kisses back to her. I eventually put her in his crib so she could give him a proper kiss and they were both cracking up at this. Red and Big Bro were a bit harder. Red’s crying is a problem. I am here now typing this in their room; where she knows I am but still at a distance.

So the day still had its special moments even though my overall frame of mind has been down. I will be glad when I am in my own place, wherever that might be.

Till tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, flex time, make believe, part-time, umbrella, working mom, working mother

March 13: Feeling worn out.

March 13, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

Last night was rough. There were multiple times during the night that Red was up in the middle of the night crying. I went up several times to soothe her. Rock her. Hold her. And tell her it was OK. She would drift back to sleep, and then it would happen again a few hours later. Early in the AM (5:45 ish) Daddy indicated that she can’t keep doing this anymore. Still crying. I go up and soothe her. It’s almost 6 AM. I tell her its time to wake up soon and give her the option of resting in her bed or coming downstairs with her stuff to get ready for the day. She comes downstairs happily.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Red in my room, laughing and joking. Joking about her toes.

I shower and quickly get ready. Red asks why I wear tights (it is raining today) and that my skirt is too long. I look at my face and I have old mascara all down my face. I asked REd why she didn’t tell me that I looked like this? This is ridiculous! I look like a Panda bear (her pre-school class is the Panda Bears). We talked about this for awhile and I explained the eye-maker remover and how it takes off the junk without hurting my eyes.

We head upstairs and get Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. Twin Crazy and Red are fighting over the tea party set but it is Twin Crazy’s present. They divided the stuff and seemed happy.

Big Bro was busy sleeping. I have a feeling he worked on his Lego project too long last night.

CHOCOLATE TUESDAY!!! All kids excited. Chocolate all over the place.

Big Bro and Red received the items that they painted at a birthday party the other day. Red painted a frog all black, with colored spots. It was so cute. Twin Crazy even said that it was “cute”. Red looked at it and then said that she wanted to give it to me. I love it. My little black froggie.

Afterwards Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were walking around with their helmets and their scooters. The stuff was not put into the garage last night but left in the kitchen instead (BIG MISTAKE). So now these kids were scootering all over the kitchen – we’re trying to get out in the morning and we don’t need to fight over helmets and scooters. Note to self: make sure everything is put in garage the night before.

We made it out by 8 AM so did the 3 drop offs all together. Twins first. Big Bro next. Red last. I dropped off the envelopes and “mail” that I made for her last night. I made the deadline so am glad for that.

I am on the ferry now, and it is so rainy. The morning was OK, but I’m still working off of very little sleep. I have major deliverables for 4 different initiatives/ projects I am leading in April. Plus another meeting I am trying to organize in May. Plus a divorce. There are so many things that I need to address today. It will be busy! I will have 1 planning meeting, 1 selling meeting, 1 meeting with my lawyer, 1 client meeting, and 1 interview for a potential new hire. AND I have to get work done in between. I will need to buy breakfast this AM to get me ready.

Highlights of My Working Day:
OMG very busy!!!!

Started by leading a team call with our partner for our refined go-to-market activities for a forum we are trying to launch. I then took these materials and reached out to all prospects on my list. Hopefully we’ll get some bites. We’ve repositioned this as a “meeting” versus a firm decision to commit. So a softer sell. I hope this change in direction works, especially since it was my idea.

I then lead a call with a potential participant for our other forum…. a really big potential client… COO of a MAJOR player that we have not worked with in the past. The meeting went great. I got connected with her from an ex-co worker of mine from over 20 years ago. It is amazing how strong your network becomes over the years. Not only is she interested in the one initiative that we were talking with her about, but she is also interested in the OTHER initiative I am leading too!! OMG!!! I want to set up a lunch to thank my friend and also invite her, since I think there could be amazing business development opportunities that come from this…. My Director gave me a fist-pump after the call.

I unfortunately also had a lot of personal calls today; regarding events with the divorce…

I had some calls to help secure speakers at our forums

I answered/addressed a ton of emails related to all of the above

I had to work on our client deliverable for today and sent it to them; we had our status call today and shared some preliminary insights with them. I also thought about our face-to-face working meeting for next week and what we need to have done to be ready for that meeting…. we have a lot to do…

I interviewed a potential hire for our office. I liked him.

Now I’m on the ferry, and I know I have a lot of work to do on a personal front and for work…. we are in crunch time now since our forums are one month away. A lot has to be done, to be orchestrated…. I am getting nervous…. particularly since the divorce is coming to a head all at the same time…

I’m on the ferry new and it is rainy. The boat is rocky. I’m not sure what I’m going to have for dinner tonight but I am starved. I think pasta. And spinach. And shrimp. I am tired from my night with Red last night. Hopefully she is in a good mood tonight despite her lack of sleep….

Dinner and Bedtime:

It was raining when I picked the kids up. I was starving. I picked up Red first, then Twin Crazy/Twin Husky, and then Big Bro. Red was trying to tell me about a “streamer-on-a-stick” thing that she made but I was having a hard time understanding what she was talking about. She was getting mad at me. Eventually I figured it out but it took a good 15 minutes. I wish she just would have told me to look in her folder!!!

We decided on pasta, shrimp, and spinach. I gave them a small snack as we walked in since they seemed cranky/hungry.

After dinner we worked on Big Bro’s “catch a leprechaun” project where he puts “gold coins” in a cup with a ramp so that the leprechaun falls into the cup as he’s getting the gold. Big Bro wanted to write out the directions in list-form first before starting on the project. He is like me in that way – I live by lists.

Twin Crazy was walking around with chap-stick.

I started some laundry and cleaned up from dinner.

Red was the only kid who ate a lot of dinner, so I snuck her into the garage and gave her some animal crackers as a treat.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were freaking out at bedtime tonight. Laughing, running in circles, and being hysterical as they were giving each other kisses tonight.

Right now Big Bro and Red are talking to me through the “kid” monitor. So cute. They’re telling me stories and singing.

It was a good day; another busy day. I feel like I scored a big win at work, but feel like I’m under the gun at home. I’m looking forward to my mother’s arrival tomorrow – she will be here until Sunday.

Wait a minute…. now Red is crying. Big Bro is whispering into the “kid” monitor for me to come up there since Red’s crying. But it’s not my night. It’s up to Daddy to be on duty for them tonight. I hate this. It makes it seem like he’s calling for me but I’m not responding to him/her.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: client meetings, crying, divorce, interviewing, parenting, sleepless nights, working mom, working mother

March 9: Sweet moments before going away

March 10, 2012 by Mama K 3 Comments

Happy Friday! I’m looking forward to this weekend. I will be solo. So I got a heavy dose of “kid” this morning to fill me up before they left me for the weekend.

Highlights of the Morning:

Big Bro’s bike privilege is back. He was up out of bed, got dressed, had his sneakers on, his jacket on, helmet on, and came downstairs for breakfast completely ready to go. He ate quickly and then was completely ready. Even backpack. It was onlly 7:30 AM. He typically doesn’t ROLL out of bed until 7:30 AM. But here is was, all ready to go and extremely excited to be back in action.

Big Bro and Twin Husky again were having fun running and dancing around in the kitchen together. I think this will be a ritual with them.

Big Bro was very sweet this morning. Twin Crazy had some hair in her face and Big Bro gently swiped it away and out of her eyes. The way she was looking up at him was so sweet. I wish I had the camera but am glad I remembered this moment – hopefully I will remember it in the future since I’m writing it down here.

It was finally 8:00 AM and time for Big Bro to go. He was thrilled. I watched him down the sidewalk. I called out that I loved him and for him to have fun. He turned around back to me as he was riding and said “Bye Mommy!!!” with a huge smile on his face.

Back at home Twins were dressed to go for the day. Red was dressed for school. Daddy was in the car too. I grabbed snacks and extra diapers for my day with the Twins. We pulled away to drop Red off. He was rushing. I didn’t understand why. I’m home with the kids anyway and I wanted to make it a relaxing drop off. As we were driving there I looked back at Red’s face and her eyes just seemed sad to me. I then asked her if she wanted to go with me and Twin Crazy and Twin Husky and she said YES. I was going to take them to the zoo. So I had Daddy turn the van around to drop him off and for me to get extra food since I had Red now too.

Highlights of the Zoo:

We arrived there early so we played in the playground a bit.

Red had to pee so we went potty – there was a huge lawnmower which was scaring the kids so it was a bit of an ordeal to get to the potty across the lawn while this huge lawnmower was going around. We made it though.

Back at the playground Red was being a monkey climbing on things and the Twins were staying close to me because of the lawnmower. Red was having trouble trying to climb up certain things and then all of the sudden I saw her with the stroller and she was using it as a ladder. I love how these kids problem-solve and come up with solutions. It makes me feel good that they can take care of themselves in that way.

Once the zoo opened we went to see the frogs and turtles first. Red had never been to that part of the zoo before.

We went to look at the sea otters and laughed at how they were playing.

We had snacks and the kids were having fun roaming through bushes and playing follow the leader.

We then went to brush the goats. So much fun. They were very good with the animals and loved it.

On the way out the kids were being monkeys again. Climbing on things all over the place.

Rest of the Afternoon:

We made it back by 11:30 AM for lunch.

Daddy packed up the car and I played with the kids. We played with blocks and balls. They started to get cranky, needing their naps so I held Twin Crazy for a bit and then rocked with Twin Husky.

The kids were cute getting their things. Twin Husky needed to bring his 2 Tigers, yellow soccer ball, pretend chicken leg, and blue rubber snake.

I said my goodbyes and rocked in the chair for a bit. It was quiet.

I’m going to try not to be upset about these lonely weekends any longer. My first alone weekend was very, very rough. It was hard for me to wake up in silence – it felt wrong. I maybe had 2 or 3 mornings of silence over the past 6 years and it just felt un-natural to me. I felt like I was missing my limbs or that I had two left feet or something. It just felt “off”.

But no matter how I look at it, no matter WHAT level of custody I have with these kids going forward, there will be obviously be days where I wake up without them. This is just reality. And I know this. I can almost accept this now. This is going to be part of my new reality going forward. I will not have them with me every day. It’s as simple as that. I get it. Sometimes it will be harder for me and sometimes it won’t feel as difficult. It will just be.

So, I sat in silence for awhile. It was a stark difference from just 2 minutes prior — twins crying to nap and Red bouncing around trying to be helpful. Now it was completely quiet except for the sound of the rocking chair. I sat in the chair in the sun. I checked email. I saw a “Groupon-now” for a deep conditioning and haircut that if bought, had to be used within 2 hours. So I made an appointment and bought the Groupon and got my hair conditioned and cut.

So now I’m getting ready for my weekend away. A B&B in wine country with heated pools, mineral baths, bed in breakfast, and massage (another Groupon previously bought). It was going to be for 2. But now I am one. And I am using it this weekend, alone. And happy about that. I will wake up to a quiet house tomorrow morning, knowing that the kids are fine and having fun, and I will pack up the car and go out to breakfast and road-trip. I have a massage at 11 AM and will relax the rest of the day at the pool. I will spend the weekend with myself and with my thoughts and enjoy the sun, the pool, and the silence.

I love Groupon.

Have a terrific weekend Mamas – I’ll post pix of my weekend on Facebook and likely Tweet about it too.

Here’s to sunny days!
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, haircut, massage, parenting, part-time, silence, solitude, weekend trip, working mom, working mother, zoo

March 8: Skinned knees

March 8, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

I wasn’t working today and stayed home with my Munchkins. I decided to give Red the option if she wanted to stay home with us; she said yes, which REALLY pissed Big Bro off as I drove him to school.

Highlights of the Morning:

Red woke up at 1 AM screaming. It woke me up without the monitor. I go upstairs and Daddy says from his room that “he’s not doing it”. I shake my head but go downstairs since the plan is for me to be “off” when he is “on”. This is what the kids are going to have to get used to. I turn the monitor on downstairs and hear him say something about having to go to work tomorrow. But Red is still screaming. I wait 15 minutes. Now Big Bro is calling through the monitor for me to come up and help. I find Red in the corner of her bed screaming. I hold her to calm her down. I tell her it’s OK to feel scared. That sometimes people feel scared and its OK. I offer suggestion to clap the scary things away and I do this several times. She is calm. I put her in bed. I say that it’s OK. She wants to hold my hand and I do briefly then pull away. She reaches out to me but I say its OK. She drifts to sleep without my hand, and me farther away in room, almost out of sight. She sleeps through the rest of the night.

I wake up to Red at 7 AM in my room, making my bed while I am still in it. She is laughing. She is telling me that it’s time to get up.

Twin Husky eats like a teenager – must be a growth spurt.

Twin Husky follows around Big Bro and then Big Bro starts acting silly, dancing around, and Twin Husky is following in his footsteps to a T. Twin Husky looks up to him so much. Wants to do everything like him. So cute.

We get into the car to drop of Big Bro. He is still mad at me for taking him to school.

On the way home we pull into the ferry parking lot to look at the ferry drive away. We talk about the boat and the people and say bye-bye to the ferry as it travels to the city.

At home, we play with play-dough. The kids make me “food” since it is a kitchen set too. Red makes me pizza, and then Twin Husky makes me pizza, and Twin Crazy is busy cooking with the play-dough stove.

We head outside since it is beautiful out. They all have scooters. Twin Crazy falls and skins a knee. We also start playing with balls.

I brown a cut of beef and put it in the slow cooker. I clean up a bit and even wipe down the fridge. The kids are all playing outside and it feels good for me to do this while I have energy.

We play outside; we eat lunch; kids take naps. I straighten up and take care of emails.

Highlights of the Afternoon and Evening:

Twins wake up from their naps; we go outside on scooters again. Twin Crazy falls and skins her other knee. I give her band-aids for both knees.

Red wakes up; Twin Crazy shows her the bandaids on her knees. We eat Oreos and head off to get Big Bro from school. We save him a fist-full of Oreos.

At home all kids are outside. We are having too much fun with scooters, strollers, and balls. Big Bro and I are kicking balls back and forth. They are bouncing off of the house, slamming into the bushes, and several went over fences. We laughed. Big Bro has great coordination and is a natural athlete. I would say “whoa” to one of his kicks and Twin Husky would parrot it afterwards. It was a lot of fun laughing and playing ball. Kicking for real with my son. I know in a few short years it will be Big Bro and Twin Husky doing this and they won’t want me around kicking balls to them. So I take this in now while I can.

Twin Husky falls several times because of those damn boots that he insists on wearing.

Red falls and skins a knee. All kids want to look at it.

Big Bro is busy with a stool trying to look over the fence to see where the balls are. He can’t see a thing because of all the trees. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky are scaling a trelice and it breaks away from the wooden fence.

Twin Crazy starts to fill up water cups from the refrigerator and gets herself soaked.

I cook the rest of dinner. Red rests on the couch from her skinned knee.

All the food goes. Kids think they deserve dessert. Big Bro goes into the freezer for ice-cream. I swiftly take it away since it is MINE. We decide to do movie-night instead, with popcorn, since they will be leaving tomorrow afternoon and therefore missing our standard Friday movie nights.

I had Big Bro and Red for bedtime tonight. They were great. He set out his bike helmet right next to his pile of clothes so that he could be ready very fast tomorrow AM (he gets his bike privilege back tomorrow).

Big Bro asked me: “Why did the cow cross the road?” I reply, “Why?”. He responds: “Because it wanted to get hit by a car.” I started cracking up so loudly I just couldn’t believe the humor and how he told the joke and how goofy he is. Red was laughing at both of us. I had to reach out and hug him.

Red had a hard time going to sleep. I calmed her down and sat with her for a bit. She drifted off to sleep (NOT holding my hand) and I thought to myself that she might be the most beautiful child in the world….

I’m pretty tired and am looking forward to sleep. I ache for the kids and I miss them already. I know they will have fun but I do not trust what will be said to them while they are away. They’ve been put in the middle in the past and that was pre-separation; I can’t even imagine what will be said now that the situation has changed so much for the worse. I honestly hope that they are reasonable enough to keep the kids out of it.

I had a really good day today. I feel like I had a chance to be a parent and also a kid myself today. I had some great belly-laughs and saw sides of the kids that are new to me. I feel a bit lonely already for the weekend without them but at the same time am excited about my plans. The pain from a skinned knee is sharp at first but then fades as you get used to it and your body heals. That is all I can hope for myself for this weekend and in the future during the times without the kids.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, joke, kickball, laugh, parenting, part-time, scooters, skinned knee, working mom, working mother

March 5: Balloons, boots, and bicycles

March 5, 2012 by Mama K 2 Comments

It’s a beautiful Monday morning and despite my post about being completely ready for this morning, we still had our issues… you never can really be completely prepared (as you know). Red woke up in the middle of the night last night so I’m dragging a bit.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I woke up to a discussion through the “kid monitor” about Daddy night versus Mommy night (from Daddy) which really bothered me since we both agreed that the kids should not be put into the middle of such discussions.

I then walked out of my room to Twin Crazy crying since Red accidently hit her with a baby doll. Accidents happen. Daddy was consoling Twin Crazy and asked Red to apologize. Red did nothing and eventually Daddy just walked away. This “discipline” drives me crazy. I am very focused about the need to follow through with what I start since it teaches kids authority and to actually listen to what we say. So after greeting the kids for the morning, giving them kisses, I asked Red what happened and if she by accident hit Twin Crazy and made her hurt. I asked her to apologize to Twin Crazy as Daddy had asked. She sat there, motionless. I said she needs to apologize since she hurt Twin Crazy but didn’t mean it. Twin Crazy was on my lap at this point. So I suggested giving her a big hug as a way to apologize. This, she agreed with. So both girls were on my lap with Red hugging Twin Crazy and Twin Crazy’s tears a thing of the past.

Big Bro was having a problem upstairs. He lost his Star Wars “Storm Trooper” lego and was fighting coming downstairs because of this. He needs to get his own way and little things like this just throw him into a REALLY nasty mood. I tried to get him to come down and said he needed to get downstairs to eat his breakfast for energy so he could ride his bike. After several minutes, he was still not downstairs. We were running late at this point. I gave him until the count of 5 for him to come downstairs or else he was going to lose his bike privilege for the morning. He got up, was wailing, but made it downstairs by the count of 3.

Vitimans for the kids all around. Big Bro was getting happier.

Red got dressed without a problem. Big Bro was going slowly. Needing help (Mommy time). He didn’t like his jeans which threw him back several minutes. He was running late. The thought of missing the bike drove him past his issue with the jeans and I was feeding him toast and jelly as I was helping him with shoes and jacket and backpack and helmet. He finally made it out of the house to catch up with the Motley Crew.

Red wanted to ride with me to daycare. Daddy wanted to ride her in. She was hanging onto my sweater. Daddy had to pry her off. Daddy talked to her saying that he wanted to drive her in and that he wanted a turn to drive her in. She was still crying and throwing a fit and clinging on to my leg and my sweater. It turns my stomach to hear him beg for the children’s attention.

So that was my morning. I have 3 months left to stay in this house. This will be a hard 3 months. And it will get worse from here on out.

I think I’ll have a good day at work today. A colleague is returning from maternity leave so I will be able to get her up to speed with one of the forums we are working on together and will be able to delegate some of the survey work to her. She was involved with the previous work so it will be more efficient for her to take this piece on. I will continue to focus on securing speakers and also selling additional guests/ memberships. I’ll do some more outreach for the other forum as well. Finally, I need to connect with my team for the client project I am leading and I want to see their progress in applying the market sizing methodology to several segments as a test. I want to see if it is working, believeable, and defensible. I’m hoping they come to the meeting with me prepared, since we need to put this work in front of the client tomorrow. If the work is seriously flawed, this will throw a wrench into my working day and I will not be able to accomplish everything that I want to.

My goal over the next few months is to shelter the kids and be successful at work. I will need to go through the divorce process which will bring its ups and downs but I need to be resilient and strong. I can do this knowing that there will be better and brighter days awaiting me on the other side.

Highlights of My Working Day:
So busy!!!

I met with a colleague who is back from maternity leave and got her up to speed with a conference we are having in April. I delegated the survey work to her – it needs some focused attention up front so this is perfect for her to get involved with.

I continued with speaker outreach for the two conferences. I secured one speaker and need to set up details to confirm story and content to be discussed.

I arranged for a conversation with one of the speakers to set expectations on content.

I spent a good 2 hours on sales outreach for one of the forums, now that I have the topics/agenda almost settled. The best way to sell new membership is to invite the organizations as guests and then they (hopefully) convert to members.

I led a team connect over lunch and we talked about the office move and also staffing needs.

I met with my team on the client project to review and vet the methodology they came up with for market sizing. I think it’s good. It’s creative. I made some suggestions to make it better and it is headed in the right direction. We will be ready for our client call tomorrow – we need just two PowerPoint pages…. one page on methodology and another page on how we tested the methodology with real data and the results. I will review with the team tomorrow AM before sending off to the client.

I did some personal things…. setting up some activities for myself for the weekend since ex-Hubby is taking all the kids away to his folks’ house for the weekend. My plans are falling into place and I am looking forward to the weekend.

So now I’m on the ferry. The sun is out. I’m feeling good. I need to think about dinner. I’m thinking cheese quesadillas with a mixed combo of side dishes of shrimp, black beans, sliced cucumber, olives. And anything else that I have leftover in the refrigerator.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Red first, then Twin Husky and Twin Crazy. They were talking about how Twin Husky lost his helium balloon during the day. How it went up in the sky. And how he said “bye bye balloon”. The kid didn’t even cry. He just waved goodbye to his balloon.

We picked up Big Bro last. I did this on purpose. I knew he would want to ride his bike home. So we all waited for him to get his bike. While waiting, Twin Crazy was looking at her balloon and Twin Husky requested to wear his boots (instead of his sneakers). Big Bro arrived with his bike and we talked about the route home. So again we followed him in the van with hazards on, in our slow neighborhood streets. When we got to the last 5 minutes of the ride, Big Bro asked me to go ahead without him. He said he was OK. So I did. I turned the hazards off, pulled into the street, and drove away at a normal pace….. looking at him in my rear-view mirror until he was a speck. As I got the kids out of the van and gathered the bags, Big Bro came riding on into the garage, with a smile ear-to-ear. He was cooperative the rest of the night.

I got dinner ready. Warm tortillas, grated cheese, shrimp, black beans, olives, cucumbers. corn. It was a make your own quesadilla/burrito kind of night. Very easy. And the kids like the variety.

Afterwards the girls were loud and rambunctious. The boys were quiet. A balloon was floating. I changed the Twins and made them jump. Red put up some pictures in my clip-frame in my room. I love this thing… the kids pick what art/pictures they want to hang/clip and it goes on my wall on display.

I had the Twins for bedtime tonight. They went down easily. Big Bro cried “why do we have to take turns?” and then settled in to the routine with Daddy.

I’m in bed now decompressing from the day. I will have a very busy day tomorrow with back to back meetings and I’d like to also get some more work done in between those meetings…. I’ll need to get a good night’s sleep tonight. Hopefully the kids stay asleep. I also need to get some personal things done and meetings set. It seems like everything is happening all at once… everything hitting from now until end April… and in the meantime living in this house and trying to keep my distance.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: client project, conference planning, divorce, helium balloon, parenting, part-time, rainboots, Star Wars legos, working mom, working mother

March 2: Pajamas and dresses

March 3, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Hi Mamas! Happy Friday – it was a good day for me – I feel like I got good time in with each of the kids which was good; more meetings relating to the divorce so I’m kind of wiped out – this will be brief –

Highlights of the Morning:

Big Bro had “pajama day” at school to celebrate Dr. Seuss; I think the kids had a great time – the Motley Crew was all in their PJs and looked so comfy. I think he had a great time today.

I normally have the Twins today but I had a meeting in the afternoon; so I set up daycare for them – however she had a doctor appt. in the AM so I dropped them off at 10 AM so we had some time to play! I decided to keep Red home too during that time. We cleaned up books, drew pictures, played with a lace-up toy set, did stacking puzzles, ate snacks, ran around the house, got tickled, and got dressed.

We had a visitor (our neighbor with four kids! Motley Crew) with a bag of clothes (thank you Christine!). It was funny how Twin Husky gravitated toward this purple frilly soft flowy dress. He wanted to wear it so I helped him put it on. It went great with his bug boots that he is now addicted to.

Twin Crazy was so cute with Red this morning. I made a big deal out of how they can both wear/share shirts now…. pants won’t work for both of them, but shirts will. So Twin Crazy agreed that she wanted to pick out her own clothes and Red wanted to help her. Red showed her the shirt drawer in her room and then helped Twin Crazy pick out pants in the other room – they even picked out socks together. Then Red proceeded to help Twin Crazy get dressed. It was so sweet. I couldn’t get enough of it – especially how Twin Crazy looked at Red and how Red kept saying “i will help you…”

The three of them had a tea party and then I got a call from daycare – I dropped them off, she had a laugh with Twin Husky’s dress, and then I dropped Red off (after fixing her worn down sneaker in the lobby).

Highlights of the Rest of the Day:

I had a meeting today that was very difficult — again I’m putting faith into the process but feel the need to come clean with what’s on my mind. Understanding one person is hard enough, let alone an entire family, let alone in only an office environment through discussion. I really feel like there needs to be more input into this recommendation and am offering more sources of information if desired. This is really, really difficult.

After the meeting I went to pick up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. They were both showing me how they were jumping. Twin Husky still had on his boots and dress.

I picked up Big Bro next and we made a plan for him to ride from his elementary school over to Red’s daycare. I went over the route with him, and told him I would do the same as yesterday…. follow slowly behind him while he was on the sidewalk. Again our neighborhood is very, very quiet and we take mostly back roads that are not heavily driven. He did great and the look of independence on his face was priceless. The minivan from one of his friends drove by in the opposite direction and they totally saw him. We both commented that it was Ryan’s van and they were totally cheering him on! He loved it.

We got to Red’s daycare and were completely surprised with a bake “giveaway” from her class. I love this place! The kids were so cute handing out cupcakes and cookies. Our family kept them busy since we had five mouths and one of them just rode his bike so was hungry.

The ride back was nice; Big Bro did great on the bike. He experimented with a new way back home that was less windy.

I got laundry going and the kids were interested, as usual.

Pizza arrived and Big Bro and Red ate the most I’ve seen in a very long time.

Afterwards was movie night – Big Bro and Red sat on my lap in a rocking chair once I was able to actually sit down with everyone.

I had the Twins tonight for bedtime routine. Again Big Bro wanted to know why we were doing this. He says we don’t have to do this. I completely agree….

Twins went down without a hitch… PJs, teeth, books, song, kisses, night-night. “Sweet dreams. I…… love…… you.”

Big Bro and Red refused to stay in their room. Big Bro said he misses me since I didn’t spend bedtime with them tonight. They kept coming downstairs. Daddy left for a massage so I went upstairs with them to spend some time, hug them, and see them drift off to sleep.

I’m tired and thinking about tomorrow. I will have Twin Crazy and Twin Husky in the AM. I’d like to take them somewhere new and different.

Have a great weekend everyone –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: bicycle, divorce, pajama day, parenting, part-time, working mom, working mother

March 1: Beginning to let go

March 2, 2012 by Mama K 4 Comments

It was a memorable day. It was a day of milestones. It’s a day like this when I’m glad I’m keeping this blog. A record of the children and who they are and how they’re changing and who they are becoming. I was home from work today. It’s 10:30 PM right now so this will be brief but heartfelt.

Highlights of the First Half of the Day:

The kids were playing with each other during breakfast. Big Bro and Twin Husky were playing ball.

Red and Twin Crazy decided to wear matching shirts. Red wore a pink bunny shirt, and Twin Crazy wore an identical shirt, but in gray. I was calling them “the twins”.

I dropped all kids off since it was my home day with them. My day to be a mom. It was raining so Big Bro rode with us in the van and did not go with the Motley Crew. I think he gets embarrassed of the entire clan of kids so for the VERY FIRST TIME EVER, I pulled into the circular driveway at school and DROPPED HIM OFF BY HIMSELF. Oh my goodness I asked him what he wanted to do and let him know that he had a choice. And he choose independence. He looked back a couple of times but I was so proud of him. And it hurt inside when I couldn’t see his blue fleece hood any longer when he turned a corner. I slowly drove away.

We dropped off Red next. I wanted to take a picture of the girls in their bunny shirts. They were so cute. Twin Husky was acting so silly and acting like a surfer for some reason. My laugh was bellowing through the school. In fact, some teachers came outside to see the commotion since I was laughing so loud. I love how his personality is busting through and how goofy he is becoming. He makes me smile so much.

Inside her classroom, Red gave Twin Husky and Twin Crazy hugs goodbye.

I decided to take Twin Crazy and Twin Husky out for breakfast for some bagels. They had fun looking out the window and squealing at dogs, and we talked about trucks and umbrellas and commented on other kids’ rainboots. Twin Husky was wearing a pair that were way too big for him but for some reason he loved them while also putting his hands in his pockets.

The day kindof went by…. Twin Husky was cleaning. They both got into Red’s kid nail polish. at 12:45 we picked up Big Bro and headed home for lunch and naps for the Twins. Me and Big Bro hung out and did nothing special or in particular.

Highlights of the Rest of the Day:

The biggest event was picking up Red after Twin Husky and Twin Crazy woke up from their nap. We quickly gave them a snack and then Big Bro put on his helmet and got on his bike. I drove along side of him, 3 mph, with my hazards on. Our neighborhood is VERY secluded so there was no real traffic, and he had a sidewalk almost the entire way there, but there was one part of the journey where we were separated by a field. He was so thrilled to be riding on his own with us trailing him. I saw the joy in his face. I could almost feel the excitement in his body. I could almost feel his hands gripping the handlebars. And feel the wind on his face. And feel the sense of independence but also of security when looking over to see us in the van along side of him. He did
great. We parked his bike and he did the same thing back at home. I said we should do this more often and I have a feeling we will. It was amazing. He is my boy.

Dinner was great; I had a steak going in the crockpot. The kids set the table by themselves. I heard them working together to get it done. They ate well. Big Bro ate like a champ. I taught them how it is good to eat meat after working your body and how the protein is good to help your sore muscles. So Big Bro ate a bit more.

We ended the night with chocolate milk.

It was my night with Big Bro and Red. Both are very clingy. Big Bro needed to sit in my lap. He was convinced that he did not have enough “Mommy time” today even though he had been
with me since 1 PM and much of that was alone. I feel so bad for these kids. They are suffering already. I sat with them – scratched his back – held her hand, until they were both breathing deeply and lost to sleep.

And now as I’m going through my pictures for this post, I see that Big Bro had my iPhone when I wasn’t looking and decided to be a photographer himself and capture pictures of his treasured toys. So cute.

I am tired; it is late. I don’t want these days to end. I don’t want it to get worse for them. There are so many glimpses of pure magic during the day with these kids. The boots. The smiles. The goofiness. The hugs. The wanting to help. The look of accomplishment. The drive to do things by themselves. I never want it to end.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: bicycle, divorce, growing up, hugs, parenting, part-time, siblings, working mom, working mother

February 29: Airplane rides

February 29, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Whew! Made the ferry! It was close. I’m headed into the city today to work 1/2 day and run an errand — my iPhone broke!!! I never realized how much I rely on it until it got “taken away” from me!

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Red woke up, got herself changed, and was a complete chatterbox this morning. I couldn’t believe it. She was talking, talking, talking, talking non-stop. About everything. About Twin Husky’s toy snake, about her outfit, about how she slept in her bed by herself all night, etc. etc.

All kids were eating out of new BPA-free bowls I purchased for them. They were excited since they are a bit bigger. I am excited since they are dishwasher-safe.

We investigated Big Bro’s owie this morning. The kids were looking closely at it. It looks big (and deep in some areas) but it looks clean. Big Bro was milking it a bit this AM but was finally able to walk around and said he would be OK to ride his bike today. He was back on track, and I gave him a spare big band-aid in case he needed it during the day. I REALLY need to sew patches on his jeans. It is downright embarrassing.

We gathered our things to go, twins got their shoes on by themselves and were easy. Red was also easy, once she learned that I was also going to drop her off today. Big Bro had some issues when he was told “no bike” by daddy since it looked like rain. Big Bro threw a fit. Daddy said the Motley Crew wouldn’t be riding today. Big Bro refuted with “but you don’t KNOW that…. you don’t KNOW what they’re doing…..”. I was at a loss without my iPhone but I got the iPad out (thank you iCloud!!!) where I was able to text one of the mothers. They were not driving, not biking, but walking instead. We gave Big Bro the option to walk with them and he decided just to drive in with us.

Due to back up in traffic we were running behind. Twin drop off was fast, Big Bro drop off was fast, but we were stuck in school drop off traffic. Red drop off was fast. We made it to the ferry parking lot in enough time.

I’m on the ferry now feeling pretty relaxed and thinking about personal things and also what I need to do for work today. I NEED to get to the Apple store to get my phone fixed. For work, we have our first primary interview for our project, and I have to complete my review of the questionnaire for one of our forums. I need to spend time with outreach to the one forum, which I’ve been neglecting….

Highlights of My Working Day:
Man was I jammed!

I had a sales call for a potential participant for our meeting in April. He believes in the concept and is forwarding our invitation to Marketing STrategy who is more senior and a decision-maker. It was great news for us.

I then led our first primary interview for our client project. These kinds of meetings are always good since you really get a sense of the market — it’s not just reading an article or doing web research…. you’re actually talking with someone live who knows about the business and you LEARN so much in such a short amount of time. It was a great first call.

I then worked on the survey for one of our forums. There’s a lot more that needs to be done. I will be delegating this to someone who is coming back from maternity leave on Monday – so am thankful that I am getting this off my plate.

I also organized my thoughts around topics and agenda layout for each of the forums I will be leading in April. I’ve narrowed the focus and now have a sense on who to reach out to for speakers.

I debriefed my Partner on all of the above…. made great progress with him; he vetted the analytical approach we are using for our client project, and also gave feedback on direction for speakers and specific people. He is wonderful to work with.

I also stepped out at lunch to go to the Apple store to fix my phone. It was like turning on the “on” button. It needed a “hard reboot” which means hold down the circle button and the on/off button together, at the same time, for 10 seconds…. a FULL 10 seconds. That was it. Easy schmeasy. Saved me money today!

I’m on the ferry now, feeling a bit overwhelmed but happy to be headed home. I have some chicken defrosting in the refrigerator and am excited about seeing the kids. I heard from my mom today and she booked a flight out here for March 14 for several days and I’m REALLY looking forward to her visit.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Red first. She was busy with her teacher counting legos. She stopped counting when she saw me because she got shy. We then went to pick up Big Bro together. I wanted to know about his owie and how he did today. Then we picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. We talked in the car about owies, dinner, and balls.

I went right to work as soon as we got in, defrosting chicken and thinking about what I was going to do with it. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky had socks on their hands (I couldn’t believe it but Big Bro used to do this all the time and so did Red…. what about you guys??? Did your kids do this too???). Kids were busy sharing a couple pieces of bread. Then it hit me. Homemade breadcrumbs! Chicken cutlets! OMG it was so good – very easy. I’ll use the recipe for tomorrow to share.

After dinner, I played airplane ride with the kids and Big Bro was laying down beside me with my camera taking videos and pictures of the kids while they were in mid-air. I love the fact that he did that for me – I wanted to capture the look on their faces as they look down at me as they’re flying. And Big Bro felt special, my little Director. He’s actually very good at capturing the moment and video-taping. We then went through the photos together and talked about which ones to delete and why (fuzzy, can’t see the face, etc.). It feels great to have my iPhone back in working order!

It was my turn with the Twins tonight. Big Bro is tired of taking turns and he keeps saying it. I suggested that maybe we keep a log of whose turn it is and he be the keeper of the log-book, and tell us who is on who. He didn’t like that idea. He said that he would just say that he was with Mommy each night. This broke my heart.

Twins were very easy going to bed. Quick teeth brushing, each got a book, then hugs & kisses goodnight. I whisper “I……. love……. YOU” over and over and they return it. It is our little game. So after the “I….. love….. YOU” we also say “sweet dreams” and “night night” until I close the door – and then I open it quickly for a few more and then close it for good. That’s it!!

I cleaned up from dinner, put away clean dishes, and started to get loads of laundry together.

Red had a hard time tonight. Daddy left her on the top of the stairs screaming for Mommy. I couldn’t take it since he just walked away from her so I went upstairs, sat with her and hugged her for a few minutes, and then held her hand as she quickly drifted off to sleep.

I’m in my bed now, tired from the day and exhausted thinking about the next steps of the divorce. I just want this over. I want my own space. I want the kids to be happy. I want to feel like my life is on the right track.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: airplane rides, conference calls, consulting, divorce, parenting, part-time, project, working mom, working mother

February 28: The first of many skinned knees

February 28, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Nutella “Chocolate Tuesday”!!!! There were no breakdowns this morning. All kids were cooperative and EASY!!!! I missed out on most of them last night since I had an appointment. I walked into the house into an eruption of “Mommy’s home Mommy’s home!!!”. I kissed and hugged each of the twins goodnight. Sweet dreams. I…. love…. you!!!! Big Bro was already asleep. Red was up and hugging me hard and smiling that I was home. I helped her with her teeth, read a book to her, tucked her in. She was smiling from ear to ear. I felt bad that Big Bro was waiting for me but fell asleep before I got there.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Red and Big Bro were already dressed and ready. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were ready for chocolate! All kids were singing Chocolate Tuesday Chocolate Tuesday Chocolate Tuesday…. even the twins. They’ve really taken to this weekly tradition. Twin Husky was acting goofy again and smiling with the chocolate and was acting so cute.

I talked with Big Bro about him being the “leader” during the Motley Crew ride into school. He told me the assignments of the kids and the days of the week. He will be leader each and every Monday. I asked him how it went and he said “fine”. I asked him if he liked being the leader and he nodded yes but didn’t talk much since his face was full of Nutella tortilla.

We also talked about his new book for school – their homework is to read one book a night and they are easy readers. There is a set of them that are so cute because they are small and square and the pictures just crack me up. So this morning we were looking at the book and all the kids wanted to see the book and the picture.

I packed up Big Bro’s lunch and had to hide what I pack. Otherwise he throws a fit over something if he doesn’t agree with it and I just don’t need that kind of argument in the morning.

We were all ahead of schedule. Big Bro was waiting for us to tell him it was OK to go over to the Motley Crew street. Red was putting on her shoes and jacket. The twins put on their shoes (and Red helped Twin Husky). I gathered jackets and blankets and Tigers. We were ready. He was calling for me and told me good bye Mommy! We drove the van around the other part of our street circle so we could follow Big Bro over to the Motley Crew. I wish I would have taken a picture of his face. He was riding so fast and keeping up with the van and laughing and smiling and having fun being on his own.

Now I’m on the ferry and thinking about work and thinking about lawyer bills and how the hell are we going to get through this divorce without going broke. We honestly cannot agree on anything. Something that should be so rational becomes a power-play. I’m glad that there is a mediator involved since we will soon reach the point where she has authority to make the decisions on our behalf. We need to do the same on the financial front. We need to get that process started ASAP.

I will be busy at work. I need to refine the materials that we will review with our client today. I need to work on the questionnaire for the surveys we will be doing and presenting on in April [top priority for today]. I have a status call for another forum but I am not excited about it since we are not getting ANY traction. Lastly, I need to start reaching out to speakers for both forums since that takes lead time and I am concerned that I am running against the clock – we have two months to go and I need to get the draft agendas together ASAP.

I’m looking forward to being in our new office. What’s for lunch today???!!?!?!?!?

Highlights of My Working Day:
OMG so busy!

The walk to the NEW office was great. Lots of people, walking by stores, restaurants, activity. And bars! Irish Bars!!! Yeah! I took a picture and later emailed it to the entire 15-person office.

I led a meeting with our partners on go-to-market activities for a potential new forum. I suggested just picking a date and a place for a “formation meeting” that way we can go forward more forcefully for participation. We could also go-to-market with the meeting date and place more prominent and talk about who has already committed to further prompt interest. I asked one of the newer people on the team to look at our existing materials to see if the message could be made more compelling.

I then switched gears and focused on deliverables for our client meeting today at 2 PM. I reviewed, edited the discussion document with our preliminary findings and also refined the interview guide (our first interview is tomorrow). They loved the work so far. We have to keep them liking our work….

I spent time doing outreach for another forum we are trying to launch.

I also spent time refining the survey instrument for one of our meetings in April. We need to get that done and fielded so we can have 2 presentations underway.

It was very busy, I felt very productive. And I am happy to be headed home. I have fish defrosting in the refrigerator and a lemon on hand so I am expecting a great dinner. Can’t wait to hug my kids and make up for lost time!

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Big Bro first. I stayed by the van as he ran down to the other side of the school to pick up his bike and ride it back. I watched him run away from me, but he stopped two or three times to look back in my direction. There was a period of one or two minutes where he was out of my sight. Getting his helmet on, getting on his bike, and riding through the playground (probably in loops) and through corridors on the outsides of buildings and weaving in and out…. and then he came into my sight. He is AOK and having fun. He was having so much fun that he wouldn’t stop riding. He just kept going and going despite my calls to him. So when he approached at full speed I jumped in his path (big mistake). We crashed and he wound up with a scraped knee.

It was a loud ride over to pick up the Twins. And still a loud ride when going over to get Red. We were quick so we could get him taken care of back at home.

At home, all kids got shoes and jackets off; I quickly threw on some rice and put the almost defrosted salmon in the microwave to thaw. Then I tended to Big Bro – cleaning his scraped knee, putting on ointment, and then helping him with a huge bandaid and tape around the edges. This is his war wound. We both apologized to each other.

Dinner was great. Red ate most of the salmon. Big Bro was able to eat. Twin Crazy was showing us her belly. Twin Husky is in his “throwing” stage and he just kept throwing food, to our dismay.

After dinner I cleaned up and then got Twin Crazy changed into PJs.

Then it was time to get upstairs…. I got Twin Husky changed while kissing his belly and having him jump into the air and giggle.

I then took care of Big Bro and Red, per their request. It was a good night. They were both cooperative. We talked a lot.

I’m in bed now, feeling tired – feeling like I have a lot to do on a personal front but feeling like I just don’t have the energy in me to attend to it. But I should. So I will. I’ll call it a night for now.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: bicycles, divorce, new beginnings, parenting, part-time, working mom, working mother

March 16: Fish

March 15: Siblings playing

March 13: Feeling worn out.

March 9: Sweet moments before going away

March 8: Skinned knees

March 5: Balloons, boots, and bicycles

March 2: Pajamas and dresses

March 1: Beginning to let go

February 29: Airplane rides

February 28: The first of many skinned knees

Mama In Motion

Email Subscription

My Story…

Twitter

Blog Stats

Email

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Email Subscription

My Story…

Blog Stats

Email