divorce – Mama In Motion™

February 27: Going places!!!

February 27, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Monday! I am so tired right now. Big Bro had a nightmare last night and he called for me into the “kid monitor”. I went up to him to console him, and each time he fell asleep and I would get up, he would stubbornly sit up in bed. For the life of me I couldn’t get out of the room. So I went downstairs to get my phone/”alarm clock” and took out his trundle bed and slept on the floor next to him. At least we were in HIS room and I resorted to this after a good 30 minutes of trying to get him to go to sleep. Mind you, this was at 4:00 AM. So, I’m tired….

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I was a bit slow this morning, as was Big Bro. I got him up in enough time and helped him to dress and had his breakfast ready and his stuff ready so essentially all he did was get up and get fed and get out. He rode to school with the Motley Crew today.

I helped to change a Twin, I forget who. I think it was Twin Crazy.

Red was already dressed and very cooperative.

I finished my photo project that I started back in early January when I moved into the guest room. It took awhile for me to get the frames, find the pictures (and the time) to print them out, buy hooks/ hanging tape, at a hardware store, and then finally start the process of hanging them up. The tape dried overnight so I hung the frames this AM with Red and Twin Crazy. I love it and feel like the room is now complete.

When I was upstairs helping Big Bro, Twin Husky made his way up the stairs looking for me. I loved hearing him calling for “Mommy” at the bottom of the stairs and asking “Where are you?” in his 2-year old kind of way. It was so cute to see his face popping up over the stairs and both Big Bro and I were laughing at his cuteness.

I took Red into school today. Despite our smooth morning, this is where the problem started. Her regular teacher was late this morning. So she was in a different classroom. We dropped off her baby and nap-sheets in her cubby and I positioned the baby so that she was sitting and comfortable and able to see the classroom around her. So we went to the other classroom to meet up with her class – there were some of her normal friends there, but I did not know the morning teachers – so it was REALLY strange for her to be dropped of in this way. And on a Monday no less. Monday drop offs are always a bit hard so this made it harder. I tried hard to get her to interact with her friends since they are obviously familiar to her. Talking about their shirts, talking about giving hugs, and then the tickle-monster came out and that seemed to work, temporarily. At this point I was late for the ferry so I had to get a strange teacher to help me pry her off of me.

I hauled ass to the ferry. I can’t be late as this is the last one in the AM.

So now I’m on the ferry, a bit over-tired and still calming down from the morning. I have serious work to do today. I need to get the status of the workstreams of our project first thing this AM, and push the market sizing analysis further – this will involve some creativity and I want to see if the team came up with a logical approach. I also need to finalize the draft primary interview guide as we need to give this to the client for review. Our first interview is Wednesday, I think. I will also need to focus on the forums in April – I need to look at the survey questionnaire and make some revisions so we can finalize it this week and start to get it fielded. This sounds easier than it will really be – I will need quiet alone time for this. Today is the first day in our new office and I do not even know the address. I will need to get that when I’m off the ferry and google-map it so I can arrive and get to work. So there will unfortunately be some distractions today.

Highlights of My Working Day:

NEW OFFICE LOCATION!!!! It was awesome to head towards a new office. I got off the ferry, bought a to-go breakfast, and headed West. I didn’t know exactly where I was going so I had to call the office to get the address. It is great! A new start! A change in pace! I was invigorated and so were my colleagues. Despite the furniture in disarray, boxes everywhere, and general confusion, all of the internet was working, access to the servers were AOK and phones were working. Miraculous! I had a very productive day.

I spent the early AM going through some outreach for speakers for one of the forums.

I met with my team for the client project to get an understanding of where we are in terms of work and what we need to do to prepare for our client touchpoint tomorrow. I assigned tasks and unfortunately I had to assign myself things that I don’t think I should be doing (e.g., interview guides, target lists, etc.). I sent out outreach emails to see if we can secure some primary interviews for the project; that way we can say with conviction that we are making progress on that part of the project. I also laid out analysis approaches to refine our market sizing work for discussion with the client tomorrow. I will need to do some work tonight, since the materials are not yet done and I want them reviewed by my Director before I send to the client in the AM.

I spent some time doing admin things like addressing random emails.

I received a text-message from a parent of the Motley Crew gang that said that Big Bro was the “leader” today. There are five of them and each kid will take a day. His day will be Mondays for now on.

We went out for a FABULOUS lunch. Our old office location was very, very desolate with not many lunch options. We are now in the heart of downtown and therefore have soooooo many options at our fingertips. I know I will gain weight here.

So, I was busy but I still have so much to do. I did not even LOOK at the survey questionnaire and I MUST make that a priority for tomorrow.

Right now I am on a train to an appointment tonight. I’m not sure what I’m going to talk about. So much has been happening yet so much still stalled. I feel like I am stuck and just spending money on lawyers.

Hopefully tonight when I get home Big Bro and/or Red will still be up. It is my night to read to them. They will be upset if I am not there for that.

Anyway, I must go now.
Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: clients, divorce, flex time, meetings, parenting, part-time, working mom, working mother

February 24: My heart is elated and then breaking

February 24, 2012 by Mama K 4 Comments

Yeah! Friday! Time with the kids! Yet at the same time, ugggh… Friday… .that means another weekend is almost here….

I had a great day with the kids:

This morning went VERY smoothly; Big Bro, Twin Crazy, and Twin Husky were excited about the ride to Big Bro’s school. Red was very cooperative and got dressed all by herself first thing in the AM. Twin Crazy was excited about wearing a shirt with a hood and pockets. They all ate well and were super-excited about vitamins, as usual.

The ride to Big Bro’s school was nice – it was a beautiful day and the birds were singing. I asked the Twins what the birds were singing about and they said “worms” — this is a story that I made up with the kids several weeks ago… I was pretending that I was a bird and translating the chirps into “oooooh, good morning good morning good morning…. ohhh it’s a nice day outside…. ohhhhh I’m hungry for breakfast…. ohhh where are the worms, where are the worms, where are the worms…. ohhhh I’m looking for worms…..”. So it’s our own little joke now when we hear birds singing we say they must be singing about worms.

Twin Husky was playing with his rubber snake and I asked if it was a nice snake or a mean one… he said a mean one and then I pretended that the snake bit my finger and cried “Ouch”! Then each of them were pretending to be bitten by the snake and they each said “Ouch” too.

On the way back home I saw a team of gardeners with a lawnmower so took the opportunity to teach them about the lawnmower and how it is loud and how it cuts the grass and how the grass looks nice now…. it was cute. They were completely into it.

While at home, I had a chance in the early AM to brown a roast and make a quick sauce of broth, diced tomatoes, and spices and threw everything into a crock-pot. There. Dinner is essentially taken care of.

During the rest of the morning they had a good time coloring, eating, playing hide-and-seek with a blanket, doing puzzles, helping me unload the dishwasher, jumping, showing me their bellies, and being tickled by me.

Then it was lunch and nap-time for them. I straightened the house and got some personal items done. The afternoon would be spent in Child Custody mediation so I had a woman who previously helped us care for the kids come over a bit early so Twin Crazy and Twin Husky could wake up and see us with her — and talk about how we love her and how she used to take care of them when they were babies (and how they’re not babies anymore) and had her give them a snack of ice-cream before we left. They immediately took to her and had no problem saying goodbye to us and they went outside with her to play with scooters and bikes. Thank you Kendall!!! We do love you!!!!

It was a good dinner, a good pop-corn movie night. A good sister-bonding night. Red: “Do you want to sit here? I will sit right next to you, OK? It’s OK, I’m here, you’re not alone…”

But bedtime was rough. I had Twin Crazy and Twin Husky tonight but Big Bro revolted, hard. It was a very difficult time for him, and me. After hearing him and seeing him and hearing him say that he doesn’t want to take turns anymore and him consistently coming downstairs to me….. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I cleaned up as much as I could but then had to seclude myself in my room and cry, and cry, and cry. This is so hard. The forced separation while I am still here in the house is torturous; it’s hardest for Big Bro and he is at an age where he will remember. I am very concerned and it is just going to get harder for them. I need to be strong for them. And fight for what I believe is right for them.

So today was a day of whiplash for me. It was so great and then so heartbreaking in a matter of hours. I feel like I’m alone in trying to find what is best for them in the long-run – but am putting my trust into a child psychiatrist / custody mediator whose job it is to work out a solution that is best for the children.

I’m calling it a night –
thanks for listening –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: child custody, divorce, movie night, parenting, part-time, sisters, working mom, working mother

February 21: The Little Blue Engine that could?!?!?!?

February 21, 2012 by Mama K 2 Comments

Tuesday – after a long weekend – so this will be a super-short week for me. I don’t know if that is good or bad, since I am busy at work these days. It was a great morning until “the blow-out”….

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I walked into the Twins room and they were just waking up; Twin Husky was sitting up sucking his thumb with his Tigers, and Twin Crazy was hidden in her crib underneath a pile of blankets (the house was freezing this AM). They were quietly talking and mumbling and being sweet. I went to Twin Husky first since he seemed more awake. He was talking about the pile of books and the choo-choo train. Then Twin Crazy started talking about the train that was “broken” and how the other trains needed to “help”. I’ve been reading “The Little Engine that Could” to them in an abbreviated format, talking about how the one train is broken, and how THIS train doesn’t help, and THAT train doesn’t help, and THAT train doesn’t help (he’s too tired), but the happy little blue train helps. Well, Twin Crazy while in her crib suddenly becomes so fixated on retelling that story to me and she was so concerned about the train that was broken and I re-assured her that eventually the little blue happy train helped. We spent the next 15 minutes talking about this, all through their diaper changes, and getting ready to go downstairs. It was so cute. So cute how they feed off of each other and so cute how focused she can be so early in the morning.

Chocolate Tuesday! Twin Crazy and Twin Husky ran into Big Bro and Red’s room, talking about Chocolate Tuesday and about the train that was broken.

Big Bro and Red both wanted me to carry down their piles of clothes for them. They were excited about chocolate.

All kids downstairs were thrilled for chocolate tuesday. Fingers in the chocolate, chocolate all over faces. (I’m talking about Nutella for those that do not know – don’t worry, I don’t feed Hershey’s to the kids in the morning).

All bags were already packed and ready – jackets ready to go. We just had to get kids fed and Big Bro/ Red dressed. It all seemed easy.

I instant messaged our neighbor to confirm that Big Bro could ride his bike with them this AM. He got mad at me because he wanted the message to read “today and everyday”. So I had to resend a message since he went on strike and would not eat his breakfast otherwise. He was mad at me but then got over it. He got dressed very easily.

Red was next. She was doing great until we got to her shirt. She picked out a short sleeved shirt the night before, but the house was freezing this AM so when she put the shirt on she rejected it. I picked out 3 different long-sleeved shirts but she wanted a shirt that was in the laundry. So she rejected the 3 long sleeved shirts. At this point, we only had TWO drop offs (since Big Bro was outsourced to the neighbors) but believe it or not we were running late. So we decided to divide the drop-offs. Red still refused to put on a shirt. I threatened for her to just wear her jacket. Then her shoes were not in the designated place so I had to run around and try to find her shoes. That is something that just shouldn’t happen. All of the shoes should be in their place. With eight feet to get ready, we can’t afford the time in the morning to look for ONE pair of shoes. She knew I was mad so cooperated the rest of the time. She got on a shirt, got on her jacket, got into the car without a problem. Her drop off was fine, but she was clingy.

I am so frustrated today. Frustrated that I had a partner that just accepted this kind of routine. Frustrated that I did not have the support from him. Frustrated that we couldn’t turn to each other when things with the kids were hard. Frustrated that as a couple we could not get to a better place because of inertia and fear. I can’t wait to get through the next few months in this house.

I’m on the ferry right now and am still typing fast and hard at all of this. It is foggy. I don’t like that I have to rush for this ferry. I don’t like that I have to commute to the city away from the kids. I don’t like this situation right now. I need to get out of this “temporary” abyss that I am in. I need to re-start my life.

Work will be busy today. We have a client touchpoint today on the project we just started so I’ll need to connect with the team and figure out what we can share with them. I also need to get out a planning survey for one of our forums so I can start to plan out the Agenda and secure speakers. I also need to reach out to secure primary interviews for another project I am assisting on. I also need to see survey results from the other forum I am planning to see what topics I should focus on. Finally, I need to pack up my office – our office is moving over the weekend and today will be the only day I can physically pack up my stuff. Looks like I need to re-calibrate my “to-do” list above. It will be difficult to execute against all of it today.

Highlights of My Working Day:
OMG I was so busy today. I almost did not stop for lunch, but this was the last day in the office for me so my “last lunch” was a bit of a momentus occasion – I got a huge turkey sandwich with REAL roasted turkey. YUM.

I was able to work with the research house we used before to get the old survey tools used for previous survey work we did in 2009 and 2010; we want to do the same customer surveys this year and feature the results during our meeting in April. So, I will need to work with these materials and modify to get the survey ready for this year.

I met with a team member to talk about the progress and initial results of his work related to our client project. I separately met with another team mate to understand available secondary research to help with the consumer preferences part of our work. I packed both sets of materials and sent to the client; we met with them in the afternoon to discuss progress and they seem really happy to-date. After the call, I talked with each of the team members about my expectations for the next Tuesday’s client call – what I wanted us to provide to them and if it was doable. They both have their marching orders so hopefully we will stay on track. I’ll check up on them on Friday and again on Monday to get the materials ready for the Tuesday client meeting.

I had a quick update meeting for the other initiative we are meeting for in April; I sent out some more invitations and also set up some conference calls to go over the purpose of the meeting and gauge interest.

I sent out the Zoomerang survey to help plan for one of the forums in April. This will help to identify which topics are of interest and how I can structure the Agenda into “tracks” so that we are presenting on topics that are of interest to the group(s).

I then spent several hours going through 8 years of files and packing. It was difficult for me. A part was extremely cathartic – getting rid and purging old work that I know I will no longer need. But there were many memories that flooded me — pictures that the kids drew over time, pictures of the kids as babies, spare diapers, old clothes, personal paperwork that brought me back in time. Maternity leave paperwork, health reimbursement paperwork, research of cities and their affordability and strength of public schools, copies of my marriage certificate, pictures of colleagues who passed away entirely too young. 8 years were compressed into 4 moving boxes. And these included “junk” of mine too…. rubber chickens, a favorite lamp for soft lighting, and lots and lots of photographs. I’m looking forward to a new office building. New faces. A new neighborhood. New lunch spots, new watering holes. A new breath. A new start.

So now I’m on the ferry with my normal shoulder bag but also with a roller bag of other personal paperwork. The sun is out. It’s beams are reflecting off of the waves and are flickering on my table. It is pretty, and relaxing. Maybe this is a sign that things will be better for me going forward. I’m hoping so.

I have a pot-roast and chicken defrosting in the refrigerator. I think we’ll do the potroast tonight since it will be faster – with some pasta and veggies. I want to talk to Red tonight about this morning and how I felt mad but that we still love each other. Family members sometimes get mad at each other but it is OK to feel mad. It’s what we say, what we do, and how we communicate that is important – and that we all understand that we still love each other.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Big Bro and he was encircled by several girls, each writing the names of different boys on their notepads and putting “stars” next to each of the boys’ names. They said Big Bro has the most starts because he is such a good boy. A quiet boy. A nice boy. One of them even went over to him and hugged him. she was cute with long hair. He blushed.

He walked the long walk to get his bike and he rode it back to the van. I watched him as he walked and then ran away from me. He stopped once to look back to see if I was still there. I couldn’t help but feel a bit lonely then, but also proud of the person he is becoming.

We picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky next. They were both going on a walk and were very concerned that I was going to pick them up without their second sets of lovely blanket and Tiger. I assured them we would go back and pick everything up.

We all went to pick up Red next. Red had some issues on the way out. She refused to walk. So all of us were standing there and she wanted me to pick her up but I just wouldn’t do it. I can’t do it. I’m too old for this. We eventually made it out with her walking on her knees and crying the whole way out.

I made dinner – a Trader Joe’s pot-roast, shredded cheddar cheese, warmed tortillas, broccoli/string beans, and a can of black beans — while the kids played. They played with plastic balls and Legos and pots and pans.

Dinner was really good and really easy. The kids ate well. Afterwards there was an issue with Big Bro and Red – he pushed her so I sent him up to his room. He kept coming down so I told him firmly that he needed to stay in his room and play quietly with something – Legos, books, anything. He kept it up and eventually I sat with him upstairs and he read to me – his homework for the night. He was fine from then on out. He read me his book, and then we were greeted by Twin Husky. He played with some magnets and then also with Big Bro’s Legos. Then they both played Legos and were really cute together.

I called down to Red to have her come up. I was on for their bedtime tonight. She came up without a problem and bedtime routine with both of them was really very easy. We picked out the clothes they want to wear for tomorrow. However… Big Bro has refused to sleep in his bed and is now on my bedroom floor. And now, as I type, I hear Red crying through the monitor for “mommy”. I can’t take this. It’s too hard to see this right in front of me. Let me go and check in on her.

*****
I sat with her and rocked her for 15 minutes. I tried to put her in bed. She rejected it. Demanded her pillow and her doll. We came downstairs and I attempted to set her up next to Big Bro on my bedroom floor. She rejected that. She is pissed. And rightfully so. She wants her own bed but she wants Big Bro there too. She doesn’t understand. I don’t know what to do for her, for our kids in this situation.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, fear, frustration, new beginnings, nutella, parenting, part-time, working mom, working mother

February 20: Ending the 3-day weekend

February 20, 2012 by Mama K 4 Comments

The end of a 3-day weekend – bittersweet in many ways. Weekends are hard for me these days so 3 days makes it tough to get excited about. Today was a good day though –

I woke up early and continued laundry; the kids were up so I grabbed all the sheets for the last load of the week. I love the smell of fabric softener. I find it comforting.
All kids were up and sitting across on the couch getting ready for some T.V. Thankfully, Big Bro did not buy any movies. I still can’t believe he knows how to do this now. Then 3 of the kids broke out the funny animal hats and started playing with each other and pretending they were birds, dogs, ducks…. so cute.
I made a huge pancake breakfast; got the kids dressed; played a bit.
I took Big Bro and Red out for the morning. We just did some shopping – Big Bro needed some shoes and I needed a laundry bag. Both kids were GREAT with these activities. Big Bro originally wanted shoes with pictures on them or ones that lit up, but he’s in a size now for bigger kids and the shoes don’t really have those styles. He picked out a decent pair of black and bright yellow sneakers. He likes them. They both helped me at Bed Bath and Beyond for a laundry bag, and even saved me money since they both picked the cheapest one. I’m watching what I’m spending like a hawk now since I have to. I never thought I would go backwards in my standard of living but now it is inevitable so I’m changing behaviors definitely now.
At home, all kids were re-united and Big Bro initiated an activity for them all. He brought out markers and stickers and paper and had everyone on the floor creating art. I loved watching them and thought it was great that Big Bro took the initiative like that and that they were all sharing stickers and helping each other with caps, pulling the stickers off the sheets, etc.
Made lunch at home; kids napped in clean sheets.
They woke up and I gave them baths and showers. I love the smell and feel of clean kids. I love how they cuddle up to you. I cut 80 fingernails and toenails, my weekly ritual.
I made home-made pizza for them for dinner – Trader Joe’s has pre-made doughs that I keep in the freezer. Afterwards we had ice-cream. And watched TV. Big Bro played a Spongebob 2x since I didn’t watch it with him appropriately the first time. He really notices if I am watching it with him. He likes to do things with me and if I am distracted even sitting next to him is not good enough. So I paid attention the second time around, and made sure to comment throughout the show so we were talking about what happened.
Bedtime for the Twins tonight. I get Big Bro and Red tomorrow night. This didn’t work out well for Big Bro and Red. They were both crying and clinging to me. Big Bro more so than Red. He is very attached and this forced separation while I am still in the house will be difficult for us. I need to talk to our Child Custody mediator about this. Maybe/hopefully it will get easier for him during the week. Even Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were consoling him tonight after he barged into their room while I was sitting with them reading a book.

So, the 3-day weekend is over, I survived. We divided and I had good fun with both groups of kids; attended a birthday party, went to the zoo, and did normal day-to-day routine things with the kids.

Red is asking when she will be able to share a room with Twin Crazy – a “girl” room – I reply “someday soon” and cannot wait to be painting a room pink for my little girls. I have to be patient and know that soon that day will come. It will just be tough getting there.

Til tomorrow –

– Mama K

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Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: 3-day weekend, birthday party, children, clean sheets, divorce, empathy, fabric softener, parenting, quality time, shopping, working mom, working mother, zoo

February 16: Spring cleaning

February 16, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Thursdays – my days with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. Today I had an extra special day since I had Big Bro straight after his Kindergarten and picked up Red after her nap. I am sitting now in a bed with clean fresh sheets, thinking over the days events, and feeling very relaxed and at this point happy with where I am and the kids.

Some Highlights:

All kids were going crazy for vitamins. They are like a pack of wild animals after those vitamins.

I strolled with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky as Big Bro rode his bike to school.

I enjoyed the stroller ride back. It was a beautiful, sunny day and the kids were in great moods. Very talkative, and acting silly with me looking up and making faces.

At home I cleaned up a bit but we had fun eating snacks, listening to audio-books from Pop-Pop and Emmy, running around and getting tickled, sharing my cream of wheat breakfast, playing in the pretend kitchen, eating more yogurt snacks, and coloring.

I started to make dinner – I browned some beef cubes and added spices and threw everything in a slow cooker. There. Nothing more to worry about for today.

I fed them lunch, and then had to kill some time before going to pick up Big Bro. So I decided to do some Spring cleaning. I vacuumed my room and pulled all the sheets off the bed. I hung up a clip frame to hang up the kids’ art. And then it was time to go.

For the stroller ride to school, I pulled back their seats into a recline position and they fell asleep since it was their naptime. I took it easy and went slowly during the walk. I was enjoying the day. Enjoying the sun. Loving the sound of birds and seeing all of the lemons hanging on the trees along the way. It took some time for them to get to sleep. I had to tell them that it was OK to close their eyes. The air was not too cool and not too hot. I breathed in deeply. I listened to the sounds of the stroller as it went over the cracks of the sidewalk. I walked with my eyes closed looking up towards the sun. It felt good on my face. It felt great to be walking – and be walking with my two little ones on my way to get my biggest one.

Big Bro was excited to see me so early. It was only 1 PM when I arrived. Everyone was sortof surprised to see me so early. I asked him if he wanted to ride his bike home and he ran like a bat out of hell; outside of the building and down the sidewalk all the way to his bike. He even wanted to ride it past his aftercare building so his friends could see him. He was so happy riding home and I was happy to be sharing it with him.

I tried to get the twins to sleep in their cribs when we got back but they just wanted to jump and play. I heard them on the monitor and I let them do their thing. I eventually brought them down and rocked them for a bit to rest. I love that time with them.

We went to pick up Red at 3 PM. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky love to go there. They like the attention and we were talking about their birthdays and about them just turning two.

At home we played. We colored. We played with stuffed animals. I did more laundry. We snacked. We did puzzles. We stacked blocks. I finished dinner.

The kids all ate like teenagers, except for Big Bro who is still complaining about tooth-aches. They asked for small bowls for the beef sauce and dipped their beef cubes in the sauce. Between the 4 of us (no Big Bro – he did not eat a thing) we polished off the entire meal.

The kids were happy – in great moods. We cleaned up toys and sat to watch some Spongebob. Big Bro was the only one really watching – the rest were acting giddy and running around and acting silly. They were so ridiculously happy. That’s what full bellies will do I guess.

Bedtime was somewhat normal; Twin Husky was ready and climbing into his crib.

Big Bro came downstairs and had a lot of questions about Martin Luther King and now also Abe Lincoln. Who killed them? With what guns? Do people still have guns today? I was busy looking up answers to his questions on my phone and he demanded to see pictures of the guns and of the people. He gets his mind on something and you can’t shake him of what he is thinking about – he gets totally absorbed and fixated. And not satisfied until he gets his answers.

I was also visited by Red, asking me to read her the “No David” book. We had a good time reading, talking about the pictures and about David’s behavior in the book. She is so sweet. She has fun telling me about the story and talking about what David is doing.

So that was the day. I am sitting here now quite tired but at peace; it was a long day but honestly one that I would not want to trade-in. There were lots of hugs, and talking, and conversations, and sunshine, and good food, and interaction between the kids.

Gotta go – Red is crying. This is really rough on her. Now they are both laying here with me – Big Bro asleep, and Red looking at my typing, clutching my arm. It’s going to get a lot harder for them before it gets better. I have to be there for them to get through it all.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, parenting, part-time, spring cleaning, spring day, working mom, working mother

February 15: Jamming!!!

February 15, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Happy Hump Day! I think I’m empathizing too much with all of you couples out there. I woke up with a horrendous headache, actually feeling like I was hungover from too much wine during a Valentines dinner. So far from the truth, I know. I was moving so slowly today until I popped some Advil. Today was my 1/2 work day, from home… I got so much done, it was a great day.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Twin Husky was playing with a balloon, throwing it up, and watching it fall down, and throwing it up, and watching it fall down, over and over….

The rest of the morning was standard, I think. Breakfast, changes, getting ready….I was going with Big Bro along with the stroller and Twins so had to move quickly to get myself together.

It was cold outside. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were bundled up. They enjoy the stroller rides. Big Bro rode as part of the Motley Crew and I even saw him try to grab pole position a few times off of the stopping points along the way. Go Big Bro! He’s feeling brave and gaining confidence.

I was set up to volunteer at Big Bro’s lunch today, but he asked me not to come. In fact, he kept asking me not to come. He’s not good with large crowds. It’s OK if I volunteer inside of his classroom, but in the big cafeteria is too much for him. So I was disappointed, but decided to honor his request. I’m set up for next week too so I’ll try again then.

I dropped the Twins at their daycare, and gave them big hugs and kisses goodbye.

My walk home was fast and brisk. It is damn cold outside. The sun is out and I’m feeling good about what I need to do today for work.

I get home, refill my coffee, eat a bagel, straighten up the kitchen, load the dishwasher, and throw in a load of laundry. I set up my computer, and get my phones nearby. OK. I’m ready to work.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I had a sales meeting with our internal team.

I sent out invitations to both of our forums for the special meeting we will be having in April to potentially launch a new forum. I’m excited to see the response I get back.

I set up some meetings with my team on Friday to get them to complete some deliverables in advance of our client meeting on Tuesday.

I started to think through some consumer research that we will need to develop for one of the meetings in April. We have time to execute on both but I need to gather the previous survey questions and analysis so I can build something with trending data over time. I found help to gather the materials and set up a meeting with a partner of the firm’s for Friday to map out a go-forward plan for the research.

I touched base with a colleague in London for some work that I will help him with – it involves some market interviews that I will need to set up, perform, and document. I think I’ll have the time to help him.

I started some sales outreach to get some more “guest” organizations to one of our forums in April. This is a way to sell memberships with new clients – invite them as guests, and have them see the value of the meetings and membership. I need to start the outreach which will become easier once I get the agenda put in place.

I reached out to some potential speakers for the events in April. I will have a lot more of this to do between now and then.

The Rest of the Day:

I went to pick up Big Bro at 3:30. He had fun riding his bike in front of the kids at his aftercare program. It is so strange to see your own child in those “peer pressure” kinds of moments… I feel like my own childhood was not that long ago… and I can see myself in him; I can easily imagine how he must feel to be riding his bike around his school, riding his bike to one section of the school, and just by chance seeing his aftercare class going to the playground although it was likely on purpose…. and riding in front of the kids, with all of the kids calling his name…. and he was riding around smiling and laughing and riding his bike in front of his friends. I wanted to take more pictures but I didn’t want to embarrass him.

Together we picked up Red, and we just happened to interrupt a science experiment where they were making “clean mud” out of soap shavings, water, and pieces of toilet paper. It was cute to see Red involved in her science experiment and I thought to myself how happy I am that she is in this type of learning environment. I just wish it didn’t cost so much! Now I feel guilty for Twin Crazy and Twin Husky.

Off we went to Trader Joe’s for food for tonight, oatmeal in bulk, and snacks that we are running low on. I can’t believe how much food we go through. I can’t imagine what feeding 4 teenagers will be like in 12 years time….

We then picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. While at home I had them set up with play dough as I cooked dinner. I sat with them as they played play dough as I folded clothes. And then I just sat and played with them.

After dinner came and went quickly. Bedtime was rough for Twin Crazy since we lost one of her sleep blankets. Hopefully it is at daycare. Big Bro is sleeping on my floor again tonight. He was complaining all night that his mouth hurt, and I’m wondering if his teeth may be coming in… he fell asleep so quickly and is deep in sleep now… it makes me feel good to know that he is getting extra sleep.

It was a really good day. I feel like I was able to be there for the kids and also had a very, very productive day at work. I really think that working several hours while at home is the ultimate of both worlds. I was able to cook for my family, get the house straightened up a bit, get some laundry done, but still be there for the kids. In the morning. In the afternoon. And I was so busy during the day for work. It honestly is working so well – I have something I need to send out that I forgot about (and will do that next) but tomorrow will be a free day for me. I am loving this.

I’m smiling now and gearing up for tomorrow –
Til then –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, flex time, parenting, part-time, working mom, working mother

February 14: Valentine kisses

February 14, 2012 by Mama K 2 Comments

Double fun! Chocolate Tuesday AND Valentines Day! Our morning was fun.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

I left out Valentines Day stickers for each of the kids along their breakfast area.

Big Bro woke up early and got all ready – dressed, ate, packed…. to be ready in time for his bike ride to school with the Motley Crew. He gets ready now so quickly and has time leftover to spare.

Twin Husky was whining about a lot of things this morning – his balloons, his tigers, his bagel, etc. He started to smile when he was finally given some toast with chocolate Nutella.

Twin Crazy was loving her toast and Nutella. So much so that it flipped out of her hands and landed on top of her balloon and stuck there. Everyone was cracking up. It really was a funny sight to see.

Vitamins were a hit. All kids excited about the round of vitamins for all siblings now that the twins are two years old.

I dressed Twin Crazy in a cute red dress for Valentines day. I asked her if she wanted to get changed into clothes or back in her PJs and she definitely wanted to get dressed – and is doing a lot of it herself.

Big Bro was off to ride with the Motley Crew and I dropped of the Twins and then Red. She was clingy, as usual, but was excited about her bag of Valentines.

I parked the van in a ridiculous spot at the ferry parking lot. It fills up otherwise and I would have missed the ferry. I inched the mini-van VERY carefully into a “compact” spot. But the funny thing is that there were two other SUV/Mini-vans that did the same exact thing… the picture was just too funny not to take…

While on the ferry, I talked with a neighbor and joked about the parking situation and also the Valentines delivery that Big Bro and I did last night. His kids got the valentines just fine and they were so polite thanking me for their lollipops this morning. I did not think about work too much – but did think about what I needed to do on my walk to the office.

Highlights of the working day:
I was really, really busy and a bit under the gun. I feel like I’m working on too many things and am concerned that I’m going to drop the ball on our big meetings in April. I think a little bit of anxiety is good in these kinds of situations. It keeps you moving and it gets you to focus and get things done –

I sent out a poll for topics for one of the forums; and drafted the second poll for the second forum.

I had a debrief meeting for go-to-market activities for another forum

I set up my new project team with deliverables for them to work on this week (e.g., draft interview guide, list of available secondary research, status of analysis to-date); this will help to prepare us for the first client touchpoint meeting next Tuesday

I had a meeting with a different client to get up to speed with final stage of the project and expected timing

I sent out an invoice for above project

I was very busy today – both at work and on personal items. Things are moving fast. I like getting things done and moving closer to the end of the line. There are many target dates coming up in March and April so I’ll be very busy from here on out…

Dinner and Bedtime:
I was solo tonight but it was fun, easy, relaxed.

I picked up Big Bro first and he had a great time riding his bike from the school yard to the van.

Twin pickup was no problem, as was Red’s pick up.

At home, the kids were busy looking at and investigating Valentines. They promised not to eat any of the candy until after dinner.

I found Twin Crazy on multiple occasions “washing her hands” which really means that she breaks into the bathroom, turns on the water, and plays in the sink. At one point she had the sink completely filled up and there would have been water all over the place if it hadn’t been for that little drain hole in the top of the sink. She was soaked and complaining that she was wet. I let her feel the wetness and be cold for a little while so she could understand the consequences; but then quickly changed her since I feel bad, she’s only two.

I cooked the tandoori chicken with yogurt sauce tonight. Dinner was so fast. Clean up was so easy.

After dinner kids played, did tea parties, did tattoos, ate some candy, and were really, really, really well behaved. Twin Husky had a hard time when he wanted to put a tattoo on his stuffed animal tiger. He also had a hard time when I saw he was drawing on the wall – but he helped me clean it off so he was sweet too.

Bedtime was fine with the kids; Big Bro is having a slumber party on my bedroom floor – Red decided to go back upstairs to her own bed. I hear Big Bro sleeping – he was out in 5 minutes. I think it’s all the bike riding. He’s been great lately.

I’m feeling reasonably good tonight. I feel like things are going at a good pace at work and also at home. I am moving towards closure which has its ups and downs but overall I know that I am moving toward a finish line and feel good about the possibilities for my future – I am hoping to buy a home, settle down, root, and provide more stability for me and the kids. Start to live life and build a life – not the kind of life I dreamed of this time a year ago, but I can be happy with what life brings me in 2012.

So my Valentine’s Day was filled with kisses and hugs from my kids, and they gave me candy that they collected from school. Not a bad day, all things considering.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: bicycle, divorce, parenting, part-time, Valentines Day, working mom, working mother

February 10: A difficult but fun day too

February 10, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Happy Friday!
I was not working today but had all of the kids in daycare anyway – for two reasons: 1) I volunteered at Big Bro’s school today; and 2) I had a mediation meeting relating to the divorce.
So, it has been an emotionally draining day. I’m absolutely wiped out. There’s some truth to “one step forward two steps back” – although we are getting closer to clarity, rehashing the past and thinking about what could have been is really, really hard for me. Our financial situation and quality of life could have been better elsewhere – I honestly feel that in the depths of who I am. But I need to move forward. And keep my priorities where they need to be.

Like, for example:

Asking Twin Crazy and Twin Husky “who wants to get their diaper changed first?” and then both of them running away from me, Twin Crazy hiding behind Red, and calling out the others’ name. And then I ask, “Who wants to give Mommy a hug??” and then Twin Crazy comes RUNNING and laughing so I change her first.

Twin Husky still wanting to wear Red’s new shoes, even on top of his PJs. Notice his fluffy, clean Tigers in the picture.

Red doing my nails with her child nail polish. I picked two colors (silver glitter, purple) and she alternated my fingernails between the two colors.

The walk/bike ride to Big Bro’s school included Twin Husky and Twin Crazy wearing helmets. They see Big Bro with his helmet and Twin Husky demanded to wear Red’s. Then Twin Crazy wanted to wear a helmet since Twin Husky was wearing one.

Volunteering at Big Bro’s school and all of the kids playing with me and knowing me and calling me “Tyler’s mommy”. I had a lot of fun with them today – they were celebrating their 100th day at school and I was at the activity station where the kids were making stamping books. I love working with the kids, encouraging them, laughing with them… I was joking with them that I was going to eat their cereal necklaces since I didn’t eat enough breakfast and they were cracking up.

We watched TV after dinner and the twins kept climbing on me. They are both excited about their birthdays this weekend.

As I sit here in bed, the kids are singing Valentines songs into the “kid monitor” and asking me after each song if I liked it or not. I say “yes sweetie” but to them, upstairs, what I say sounds garbled so they repeat the garbled sound back into the monitor. I’m cracking up downstairs and knowing that one day I will miss these days, even though they are difficult for me.

So that’s about all I want to write for now. I’m really tired…
Til next week –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: child custody, divorce, mediation, parent volunteer, parenting, part-time, volunteer, working mom, working mother

February 7: Rain on our Faces

February 7, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

Chocolate Tuesday! It is raining. But it’s a soft kind of gray rain so it’s not that bad. It’s the kind of rain that feels good on your face as you walk through it. Especially when you haven’t put on your makeup yet.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

We had crying children in the early morning hours while it was still dark and both wound up in my bed. So I’m a bit tired this morning. Although it was great to wake up with them so close.
Chocolate Tuesday! Twin Crazy and Twin Husky are full-fledged Nutella-lovers. Red and Big Bro happily joined them. We had tortillas, bread, and bagels galore with the chocolaty-goodness.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky turn TWO this Sunday – we’ve been having fun with them talking up their birthday and getting excited. Red and Big Bro want to go out and buy presents for them (I think just a ploy to lobby for stuff for them too). I had fun saying “If it’s your birthday this weekend, raise your hand.” Unfortunately I couldn’t get both of them to raise their hands at the same time…. I will keep working on that for a photo. It was so cute to see Twin Husky’s smiling face with his chocolaty hand raised in the air, and Twin Crazy’s face holding back a smile with her hand in the air. I catch them singing Happy Birthday every now and then so they are getting ready.
I helped wash hands – everyone was so sticky. My favorite is still diaper changes. I get to talk to each kid and focus on them. Dressing with Big Bro and Red went without a problem. But Red REJECTED her new shoes this morning and opted for her Dora sneakers – the ones she kept saying hurt her feet!! Unpredictable.
I caught both Twin Husky and Twin Crazy each taking turns putting on Red’s new shoes and walking around the house laughing. Then Twin Husky found his favorite silver sparkly shoe so was walking around with them too.
The three drop offs were quick and efficient. I talked with Big Bro’s teacher about how Big Bro read his ENTIRE book last night with very little help… he just plowed through the thing and wouldn’t stop! He was excited to pick up a new book.
Red was excited that I was dropping her off this morning. She was all smiles. We ran through the parking lot with the rain on our faces and talking about the rain. We talked about how it feels good on your face and how it wakes you up in the morning. We skipped over puddles.

Now I’m on the ferry, knowing that today will be busy. But if I can just hunker down and focus on what I need to do, I should be OK. I can’t afford to get too many out-of-the-blue emails that distract me. I might just take 2 hours off email so I can plow through some things. I need to finish our kickoff deck, start planning the meetings in April, and possibly start the outreach for our extra meeting. This plan is aggressive.

Highlights of the Working Day:

I had a great day at work. Very busy, very productive:

I met with my team related to a new project we are starting next week, to debrief them on what we need to do for the project, what we learned the last time we worked with this client 2 years ago, and what we need to do differently for this project versus the last. They understand the budget in terms of time, and understand their roles in the project. I shared immediate next steps for them to do to prepare for next week.
I completed the Kick-off presentation and shared with the team and the Director-in-charge for his review.
I completed the go-to-market materials for the new initiative that we are trying to launch – a meeting in April. I feel good about the selling message and forwarded everything to the team for their review to see if the message could be made more compelling. I plan to distribute everything tomorrow and see what kind of response we get.
I also started to think about the planning for the other two meetings we will have in April. I need to make this my main focus next week.
I also responded to my thoughts on another project sold from another office but needing our time; I have some questions as to scope and also reservations on time commitment.

I am now on the ferry home and it is still gray outside. But not raining. Someone sitting next to me smells like Ass. I have chicken defrosted in the refrigerator and we also have cherry tomatoes so I think I’m going to try the Chicken and Tomato recipe I featured previously. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up all the kids and enjoyed their smiles and hugs. Twin Husky was wearing silvery-glittery shoes.
The kids played while I made dinner – the Chicken and Tomato recipe — it was quick, easy, and DELICIOUS!!!!! Seriously. It was very good. I made a side of pasta and put the sauce in there too – along with some veggies and left over quinoa. Dinner wasn’t a big hit for the kids but I enjoyed it!
The Twins were tired and the older kids were dirty (no baths over the weekend) so Big Bro and Red bathed while Twin Crazy and Twin Husky got ready for bed. Twin Crazy went pee-pee in the potty!!!
Big Bro read along with me his new book from school. He is trying really hard and I am so proud of him and how well he’s doing.
Red had a difficult time going to sleep again tonight. She fights it. She props herself up to keep from going to sleep. I rocked with her and she eventually gave in.

It is quiet in the house now. Too quiet. I have a 1/2 day of work tomorrow so I’m looking forward to that. I’d like to take Big Bro and Red out to buy Twin Crazy and Twin Husky their birthday presents – there won’t be much of an opportunity for me to do this alone with them between now and Sunday.

Til tomorrow,

– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: chicken, crying, crying children, divorce, new shoes, parenting, quick recipe, singing happy birthday, tomato, working mom, working mother

February 3: Scooters and Sailing

February 3, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

Friday. My day with Twin Husky and Twin Crazy. My day in the morning with Big Bro, with his scooter. My day where I can pick up Big Bro early, and also Red – or just keep her home altogether. I love these days. It makes a difference for me. And for the kids too. Some highlights:

Twin Husky loves jumping in the air while I change him. He was really lifting off with his legs and was cracking up as I was lifting him up, and up, and up, and up….
Twin Crazy is still trying to use the potty. She tries hard, and we encourage her. The look on her face is so sweet.
I strolled the Twins and Big Bro scootered to school. We were running late so we missed the Motley Crew. Big Bro was excited about that – he likes going to school with us alone. I noticed a confidence in him this morning. The way he coasted, the way he maneuvered side to side, the way he wore his backpack while scootering. He is growing up. He is pushing himself. Finding himself. And I am glad to be able to watch it all and take it in.
Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were cute today. They both for some reason were more needy today than usual. I took them and rocked with them, until they were ready to get down. I had to do this several times today, particularly with Twin Husky. He was also having trouble with his tigers. He’s in a stage now where he’s putting things in bags – and he tries to shove these tigers and also some baby dolls in a bag and they just don’t fit. It drives him mad.
I decided to pick up Red and Big Bro and go sailing. We all packed up our snacks and our things and headed to the ferry. We took a cruise to nowhere. Just got on the boat, stayed on the boat, and then headed back. The guys on the ferry know our family. We also got lots of attention from commuters. I always get compliments about the kids when we are out. Of course I always get the “you got your hands full” but I always get the comments about how good the kids are. And how good they are with each other. We had a great trip and we talked about the boats, the birds, the bridge, where the pilot sits, what would happen if the boat would sink, the city, the commuters….on and on.

I am feeling crushed and scared. My life and the lives of my kids could be decided by strangers. It is impossible for them to see into our worlds and what I am able to do with all four of these kids together. I take them out and get comments that I make it seem easy. I feel at peace with them. I feel proud of them. I feel strong with them. And I know that I do right by them. And all I can do at this point is keep it together, fight hard, and hope for the best.

Have a great weekend everyone –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, ferry ride, part-time, scooter, working mom, working mother

February 27: Going places!!!

February 24: My heart is elated and then breaking

February 21: The Little Blue Engine that could?!?!?!?

February 20: Ending the 3-day weekend

February 16: Spring cleaning

February 15: Jamming!!!

February 14: Valentine kisses

February 10: A difficult but fun day too

February 7: Rain on our Faces

February 3: Scooters and Sailing

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