parenting – Mama In Motion™

March 20: Feeling too old for horsie-back rides

March 20, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

I’m tired this morning and I know that I have PLENTY to do at work – a good thing, I suppose.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Red had a really hard time going to sleep last night. But despite this, she is still the first one to wake up in the AM. She woke up at 6:20 AM calling for me, and I went to get her and brought her downstairs since it was soon time to get up anyway. She sat in my room and we talked. She saw the empty bowl of ice-cream sitting on my bedstand from last night and she totally caught me. “Hey, what’s that bowl of ice-cream doing over there?!???!?!”. She giggled when I told her that not only did I have ONE bowl of ice-cream last night, but I had TWO bowls….. we were both laughing together at that.

I showered while she hung out in my room.

Chocolate Tuesday! Kids were loving it. Chocolate Nutella was everywhere. Twin Crazy and Red were sharing a butter knife and picking the chocolate goodness off of the knife together.

Big Bro was still sleeping, but when I told him it was Chocolate Tuesday he smiled and said he forgot about that. And, he was able to ride his bike today. So, he had lots of good reasons to get up this morning. He agreed and rolled out of bed.

I gathered the extra socks that daycare requested. I also made myself instant coffee. I styled my hair and put on make up.

I diapered the twins and kissed their faces. I consoled Twin Crazy for something that upset her. I helped Red get dressed. Big Bro was anxious about riding and I kept a careful eye on my watch to let him know when it was OK to get ready.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky had fun in the front seat of the van while we were getting our things together. Twin Husky wanted to sit in Big Bro’s car seat to feel like a big kid so I let him.

All drop offs were fine. We were ahead of schedule.

So now I’m on the ferry and still a bit tired, and extremely hungry. I’m looking forward to a real big coffee and maybe a chocolate croissant. I love my new office. There are so many things nearby – banks, drug stores, lunch spots, people. Activity. Movement.

I will have a lot of work to do today but honestly I have 4 hours of back-to-back meetings. How do you get work done when your time is spent like this? And I know that there are to-do’s that will come out of these meetings so that just adds on the work load. Our forums our exactly one month away so this is crunch time. I have 5 presentations to personally prepare for and deliver during these forums, speakers to still secure, speakers to coordinate logistics, presentations to review, and communications to make sure occur between the participants and the presenters. In addition to this, I also have a client project to manage, and the end of the project will occur AT THE SAME TIME. Seems like too much, right? I agree.

I am feeling good, I think that putting on nice clothes and having hair and make up done help. I feel like a person. I’m looking over at the ex on the ferry and his eyes are closed. Typical. I’m not missing anything from that relationship. So much about him was so hard to reach. So unknown. So much unsaid. I’m sure he feels but does not express and avoids any kind of conflict. He’d rather just close his eyes and dream it away.

Highlights of My Working Day:
Busy! Back in the office which was great!

I got in and responded to some emails

Conference call for a potential business opportunity

Internal meeting regarding our sales pipeline and initiatives; I gave all updates on what I’m pursuing and the team seemed energized on the opportunities

Meeting to sync with conference planning on one of the forums

Team meeting regarding to client project and other data to gather; billing and invoicing

I spent time with outreach to speakers and potential members. Will likely have to do some work this evening.

I’m tired, but looking forward to the kids. I hope tonight’s bedtime routine is not as bad as last nights.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Red first, then Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. Twin Husky wanted to sit in Big Bro’s seat. Twin Crazy was crying for her baby, whom she was missing all day today. We then went to pick up Big Bro, and then followed him (5 mph, with hazard lights on) along the slow streets to our house.

I cooked dinner and the kids were playing really hard together. Lots of laughing and no crying! No-one being mean!!! They were just having a really good time with each other!

Together we all took a short walk to the mailbox to get the mail.

After dinner I did some horsie-back rides with all of the kids; also some airplane rides and flips.

I was with Big Bro and Red tonight; we picked out clothes, read our books, and they were in bed by 8 PM. So far Red is not crying. So far so good.

I am so tired today. I feel crushed, physically and mentally. I feel like I need to relax but it is almost impossible to do so. Between big work meetings coming up, and things with the divorce, it is extremely hard for me to just decompress and unwind.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: meetings, parenting, play, rough housing, tired, working mom, working mother

March 19: Power Day! No, roller coaster day….

March 19, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

This was an AWESOME day. It just all sortof came together – very busy, but very smoothe. Update: no, it ended on a really sour note. Blech.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Twin Crazy was excited about bringing her bouncy, laughing, jumping doll to daycare. She was also excited about bringing her new backpack (thank you Nana!).

All kids ate quickly, and got dressed AOK. No problems. No issues. No crying over socks. No crying over shirts. Their clothes were out, their favorites were clean.

Even though Big Bro lost his bike riding privelege this AM, he did not put up a fuss. He knew that he wasn’t able to ride and just dealt with it. There was no whining about it, which I was grateful for.

We all got ready so quickly that we all took the same van together for drop offs. We dropped of Twin Crazy and Twin Husky first, then Big Bro, then daddy off at the ferry station, and then I dropped off Red, solo. We looked at the rainbow that her class painted and I had to take turns with her to get a picture of her with it.

I got back home and started my working day – ate breakfast, cleaned up a bit, and got my computer and phones out. I was ready to begin.

Highlights of the Working Day:

I reviewed a client presentation that we gave today. There were a few changes that needed to be made before we could present it to the client.

I must have reached out to 20+ people to confirm partipation, speaking spots, etc. I confirmed topic and focus areas with the clients of one forum.

There were lots of emails to trouble-shoot today.

I started to get ready for my client presentation. Hair dry, make up, suit. I got my lunch ready – 2 cheesesticks and a Pepsi. I got my car phone charger and also my ear bud microphone. I listened to Metallica on the car ride until I had to turn it off to get ready for a conference call.

I had a conference call on my drive to the client as a status check for one meeting in April we are spear-heading. I finished the call in the parking lot of the client office building.

We had our interim review with the client and they seriously love us. I presented the work and it was very much “work together” – bringing the boss up to speed on the analysis, discussing highlights from interviews, and working with them to think through initial scenarios to run with our market sizing model. We mapped out what we will be able to deliver by next Tuesday’s status meeting and I believe that we continue to impress them with the analysis, thinking, and teaming along the way.

I drove back home and blasted heavy metal. Scorpions. Tesla. I felt alive.

I got home right at 5 PM and had time to switch to the mini-van. I went to pick up all the kids and start my 2nd shift.

Dinner and Bedtime:

All pick ups were great; I gave them a snack while I cooked dinner. Dinner was ready shortly after 6 PM and they ate really well. I made a trip with them to the mailbox while dinner was finishing up. Red ate 6 pieces of broccoli.

Afterwards the kids played, I folded laundry, got the Twins changed.

Twin Husky now points to the part of his head where he wants me to kiss him. So cute.

Twin Crazy started wearing my shoes around; Twin Husky started wearing Red’s summer flip flops.

I talked with Big Bro about numbers and infinity and how there is no last number. I can’t believe I’m getting into these discussions with him already. He’s not even 6 years old.

Big Bro also wanted to talk about dolphins. How he knew why they jump in the air… to play, and to breathe. He’s right. I asked him where he learned that. He said he just was thinking about it.

He also wrote a note to a leprachaun telling him to come in for some gold and a surprise. He said that he was going to catch him and laughed.

Red wanted airplane rides but wanted my pajama bottoms to be pulled to my ankles since I didn’t shave my legs. They all hate the stubble on my legs when I rough-house with them.

I did bedtime routine with Twins – Twin Crazy has gotten into a routine of wanting to kiss her brother. I first would dangle her over his crib, and then put her inside his crib where they lay together and laugh and blow kisses. So cute. When I put her in her own crib she was really upset, calling for her brother. So sweet.

Big Bro was hiding in the Twin’s room, not wanting to start bedtime routine.

Red had a hard time with bedtime routine tonight. It’s almost 9 PM and its still not over….

[Note; 8:30 PM: OMG Red is screaming right now and daddy is on night-time routine. He just lets her scream and come downstairs to me. He just ignores her and reads to Big Bro and lets her come down here to me… what happens when I am not here? Are these kids going to be screaming and ignored? She keeps running down here. OMG it is now 9:08 and she is screaming for me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I went up at 9:10 and talked to her and settled her in bed. I talked to her about her breathing and how I sometimes have a hard time going to sleep. I talked to her about relaxing her arms, shoulders, fingers, elbows, legs, etc. I said I would come back in 2 minutes to check back on her and I did. Now I’m in the middle of a “4” minute check in and writing this. I’m listening to her sighing in the monitor – knowing that he will never have the patience for this and that these kids will need me now more than ever.]

So this is the roller coaster I live. Seriously. I spent 95% of the daytime feeling on top of the world. Kids were cooperative, playful, intelligent, ebbing and flowing with me. Work was great. I was jamming on things that needed to get done, multi-tasking, getting revved up for a client presentation, and knocking their socks off. I felt alive on the drive home and happy. I ran to get my kids to embrace the balance that I need. They were happy, jumping, playing with me and playing with each other. They were engaging and I felt proud of them….

… and then bedtime. And Red. And screaming. And prying her off of me.

I can’t wait to get out of this house – I can’t stand to hear it anymore. I need to know that we are doing the right thing by these kids given this situation and this does not feel right to me. This is sink or swim. And I can’t stand to see my kids sinking, and flailing, and standing by without doing anything. This is the worst possible situation to be in. Force the separation for what you think is best in the long run, but I don’t believe in that long run scenario. And she was happy today but in pieces tonight. And I was pumped all day today, and feel defeated tonight.

The end of the school year cannot come fast enough for me. We just have a lot of ground to cover between now and then. I am ready for it and ready to be there for my kids and fight for them along the way.

Til tomorrow,
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: client presentation, divorce, emotions, infinity, parenting, shoes, tantrums, twins, working mom, working mother

March 16: Fish

March 16, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

Friday! Home with ALL kids (Big Bro’s school was closed today) AND my mom! It was a great day.

Highlights:

All kids were excited for a “home day” — all of them together. We kept the same wake up routine and got everyone dressed and ready to go. I decided to take everyone to a science museum and acquarium today. It was awesome. We went through a rainforest, looked at macaws, frolicked with butterflies, looked at trees, went up a circular ramp, and stuck together/watched out for each other. We also went to check out a HUGE acquarium, were dazzled by the jellyfish, and had snacks by the huge tank looking at all of the fish. We had fun interacting with a penguin and also running around and chasing each other. The kids were so great, everyone basically stuck together and looked out for each other. Twin Husky was wandering a couple of times but did not seem scared or upset – Big Bro and Red were both excellent big siblings. Big Bro also had fun being in charge of the umbrella since it was still raining non-stop today.

We went to lunch afterwards and the kids ate well. All were well behaved and enjoying themselves.

At home the younger ones took a LONG nap while Big Bro sat with me and lounged in front of TV, talking about moose, polar bears, etc. He got a bit cranky with me and I asked him to go away for some quiet time. He lashed out at me by throwing toys around. He lost his bike privilege for Monday and I helped him put the toys back in their bins.

We had a feast for dinner. Salmon, to keep with the “fish” theme. Twin Husky was shoving food in his face, Twin Crazy was eating well with a spoon, Red kept getting more helpings… only Big Bro was “off” tonight….

Afterwards the kids had fun playing lillipads with pillows, and running around with each other.

On our way upstairs, I heard Red screaming. I get into their room and she is naked and Big Bro is puking rice onto the floor. Now I get why he didn’t want to eat and was a bit cranky this afternoon. I made sure he was OK, then addressed Red. Poor naked Red. I washed her down and she calmed down. I cleaned up the mess in the room. I’m actually amazed at how quickly everything went back to normal. Big Bro was not even that upset about anything and just took it easy. I still read to them and talked with them and Red just said that Big Bro was sick. She was not upset or anything. I was pleasantly surprised.

Tomorrow is Saturday and I would normally be pumped about it, with my Mom here and everything, but the ex is here too, which makes things very weird. Hopefully he will find a way to entertain himself solo tomorrow so me and Mom can enjoy our last full day together with the kids.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: aquarium, divorce, fish, parenting, part-time, working mom, working mother

March 14: Puddles, worms, and Nana

March 14, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

It’s Wednesday night at 9:45 PM so I am writing this from memory… it will be brief…

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

It was POURING outside; kids were watching the rain and also commenting on the worms. We stood there for awhile looking at the rain and worms together. I talked about how the worms like the water and how when it rains you can usually find some worms on the sidewalk. Twin Husky couldn’t find the worm we were talking about so Big Bro helped him to find it by pointing and talking about where it was.
We talked about how Nana was coming in an airplane to visit and how she would be with me when I picked them all up from school. I asked if that was OK and they said YES!
When I dropped Big Bro off, he was brave and walked from the car by himself up the driveway to school. The rest of us stayed in the van and watched him go. He said he was going to count the worms he saw on his way into school. The other kids were fast-walking because of the rain but he was slowly walking, taking his time, probably counting the worms he saw.
Twin drop off and Red drop off were fine; I carried Red’s blanket and baby doll inside of my own raincoat to keep them dry. Red appreciated that.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I went home and got myself set up. I cleaned up from breakfast, loaded the dishwasher, put some laundry into the dryer. I ate some breakfast, refilled my coffee, and got my computer set up and phones nearby. I was ready.
I addressed some emails related to the forums we are planning for April. Also did some miscellaneous sleuthing for a contact name on behalf of one of our directors. I also had to load my old email files into my new computer in order to find these contact names… so it was an inefficient morning.
I spent time formalizing the Agendas and timing for 2 of our big meetings in April. It helps to see things concretely and to see where there gaps, if any, in the timing.
I did some speaker outreach for both of the forums… confirming spots and also following up with requested information. We are really down to the wire now, the speakers should really be set at this point so I feel a bit under the gun.
We had a client conference call to review some analysis. Our team stayed on after the call so we could get ready for our client meeting on Monday. We need to build another analytical model to evaluate the opportunities for the client based upon different dimensions and different scenarios. I tried to get the team on track to 1) refine what we have done so far; and 2) build a working tool for our meeting on Monday; 3) plan for the scenarios and understand which “levers” to pull in the model for which scenario and why; and 4) talk about the discussion document to have to guide this working session with the client on Monday. I’m a bit worried since I won’t be working much from now until then – especially since my mom is here.

I gathered up my things, picked up the kids, and we were all talking about Nana on our way to the airport. Big Bro also told us a story that he said was “bad”. How there was lots of water and how there was a group of worms that were smashed by someone’s feet. And both Big Bro and Red were telling stories about how much it was raining today and how there were piles and puddles of water everywhere. I handed out graham crackers, we picked up my mom, and ordered a pizza before heading home in the rain in great spirits.

Dinner and Bedtime:

It was a fun reunion with Nana. The kids were really running around and full of energy.
We cleaned up the toys a bit to make the place seem less of a disaster; Red used the dust-buster, Big Bro started wiping up spots off of the rug, I tried to get the twins to work on the puzzles but they just wanted to play with water and dump water everywhere.
Pizza came; the kids were going nuts. “Hello Pizza man!!!”
Twin Husky really wanted to play with Red’s baby doll and blanket. He kept putting the baby on a pillow and covering it with the blanket. He even fed it with a bottle a couple of times. So cute.
The kids were very physical after dinner. Lots of tumbling, tickling, horsie rides, and airplane rides.
I did bedtime routine with the boys – this was different. Twin Husky went down without a problem. He loves to sleep. Big Bro was easier during the routine since it was just me and him. He was very cooperative and we read together and then he was quietly doing his Legos before jumping into bed.

I’m now finishing this write-up and its 10 PM. Red was having problems going to sleep so I had to go upstairs to soothe her. I don’t like holding her hand or rubbing her back to get her to go to sleep… instead I like to hold her, calm her down, talk to her, ask her if there is anything specific that she wants to talk about, ask her about her feelings (is she scared? sad? isn’t sure?). I feel so bad for her, especially when I’m sitting next to her in her bed and prying my arm away from her grip. Especially when I’m looking into her eyes and they seem so sad to me.

I’m glad my mom’s here.

Till tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: flex time, Nana, parenting, part-time, puddles, rain, working mom, working mother, worms

March 13: Feeling worn out.

March 13, 2012 by Mama K 1 Comment

Last night was rough. There were multiple times during the night that Red was up in the middle of the night crying. I went up several times to soothe her. Rock her. Hold her. And tell her it was OK. She would drift back to sleep, and then it would happen again a few hours later. Early in the AM (5:45 ish) Daddy indicated that she can’t keep doing this anymore. Still crying. I go up and soothe her. It’s almost 6 AM. I tell her its time to wake up soon and give her the option of resting in her bed or coming downstairs with her stuff to get ready for the day. She comes downstairs happily.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Red in my room, laughing and joking. Joking about her toes.

I shower and quickly get ready. Red asks why I wear tights (it is raining today) and that my skirt is too long. I look at my face and I have old mascara all down my face. I asked REd why she didn’t tell me that I looked like this? This is ridiculous! I look like a Panda bear (her pre-school class is the Panda Bears). We talked about this for awhile and I explained the eye-maker remover and how it takes off the junk without hurting my eyes.

We head upstairs and get Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. Twin Crazy and Red are fighting over the tea party set but it is Twin Crazy’s present. They divided the stuff and seemed happy.

Big Bro was busy sleeping. I have a feeling he worked on his Lego project too long last night.

CHOCOLATE TUESDAY!!! All kids excited. Chocolate all over the place.

Big Bro and Red received the items that they painted at a birthday party the other day. Red painted a frog all black, with colored spots. It was so cute. Twin Crazy even said that it was “cute”. Red looked at it and then said that she wanted to give it to me. I love it. My little black froggie.

Afterwards Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were walking around with their helmets and their scooters. The stuff was not put into the garage last night but left in the kitchen instead (BIG MISTAKE). So now these kids were scootering all over the kitchen – we’re trying to get out in the morning and we don’t need to fight over helmets and scooters. Note to self: make sure everything is put in garage the night before.

We made it out by 8 AM so did the 3 drop offs all together. Twins first. Big Bro next. Red last. I dropped off the envelopes and “mail” that I made for her last night. I made the deadline so am glad for that.

I am on the ferry now, and it is so rainy. The morning was OK, but I’m still working off of very little sleep. I have major deliverables for 4 different initiatives/ projects I am leading in April. Plus another meeting I am trying to organize in May. Plus a divorce. There are so many things that I need to address today. It will be busy! I will have 1 planning meeting, 1 selling meeting, 1 meeting with my lawyer, 1 client meeting, and 1 interview for a potential new hire. AND I have to get work done in between. I will need to buy breakfast this AM to get me ready.

Highlights of My Working Day:
OMG very busy!!!!

Started by leading a team call with our partner for our refined go-to-market activities for a forum we are trying to launch. I then took these materials and reached out to all prospects on my list. Hopefully we’ll get some bites. We’ve repositioned this as a “meeting” versus a firm decision to commit. So a softer sell. I hope this change in direction works, especially since it was my idea.

I then lead a call with a potential participant for our other forum…. a really big potential client… COO of a MAJOR player that we have not worked with in the past. The meeting went great. I got connected with her from an ex-co worker of mine from over 20 years ago. It is amazing how strong your network becomes over the years. Not only is she interested in the one initiative that we were talking with her about, but she is also interested in the OTHER initiative I am leading too!! OMG!!! I want to set up a lunch to thank my friend and also invite her, since I think there could be amazing business development opportunities that come from this…. My Director gave me a fist-pump after the call.

I unfortunately also had a lot of personal calls today; regarding events with the divorce…

I had some calls to help secure speakers at our forums

I answered/addressed a ton of emails related to all of the above

I had to work on our client deliverable for today and sent it to them; we had our status call today and shared some preliminary insights with them. I also thought about our face-to-face working meeting for next week and what we need to have done to be ready for that meeting…. we have a lot to do…

I interviewed a potential hire for our office. I liked him.

Now I’m on the ferry, and I know I have a lot of work to do on a personal front and for work…. we are in crunch time now since our forums are one month away. A lot has to be done, to be orchestrated…. I am getting nervous…. particularly since the divorce is coming to a head all at the same time…

I’m on the ferry new and it is rainy. The boat is rocky. I’m not sure what I’m going to have for dinner tonight but I am starved. I think pasta. And spinach. And shrimp. I am tired from my night with Red last night. Hopefully she is in a good mood tonight despite her lack of sleep….

Dinner and Bedtime:

It was raining when I picked the kids up. I was starving. I picked up Red first, then Twin Crazy/Twin Husky, and then Big Bro. Red was trying to tell me about a “streamer-on-a-stick” thing that she made but I was having a hard time understanding what she was talking about. She was getting mad at me. Eventually I figured it out but it took a good 15 minutes. I wish she just would have told me to look in her folder!!!

We decided on pasta, shrimp, and spinach. I gave them a small snack as we walked in since they seemed cranky/hungry.

After dinner we worked on Big Bro’s “catch a leprechaun” project where he puts “gold coins” in a cup with a ramp so that the leprechaun falls into the cup as he’s getting the gold. Big Bro wanted to write out the directions in list-form first before starting on the project. He is like me in that way – I live by lists.

Twin Crazy was walking around with chap-stick.

I started some laundry and cleaned up from dinner.

Red was the only kid who ate a lot of dinner, so I snuck her into the garage and gave her some animal crackers as a treat.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were freaking out at bedtime tonight. Laughing, running in circles, and being hysterical as they were giving each other kisses tonight.

Right now Big Bro and Red are talking to me through the “kid” monitor. So cute. They’re telling me stories and singing.

It was a good day; another busy day. I feel like I scored a big win at work, but feel like I’m under the gun at home. I’m looking forward to my mother’s arrival tomorrow – she will be here until Sunday.

Wait a minute…. now Red is crying. Big Bro is whispering into the “kid” monitor for me to come up there since Red’s crying. But it’s not my night. It’s up to Daddy to be on duty for them tonight. I hate this. It makes it seem like he’s calling for me but I’m not responding to him/her.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: client meetings, crying, divorce, interviewing, parenting, sleepless nights, working mom, working mother

March 12: Not a bad Monday

March 12, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Monday, after a long weekend, with little sleep. And I will be busy today. Not good. Last night’s sweet reunion with the kids was at 8 PM – Twin Crazy was acting silly and saying “Hiya”. Big Bro was tired, as was Red and Big Bro. I had all four kids on the floor with me as they came back into the house. Twin Crazy and Red on my lap, Twin Husky half on my lap and the floor, and Big Bro in a fetal position laying next to me on the floor. It was a late night for them. By the time Big Bro went to sleep, it was past 10:15 PM.

Highlights of the Morning:

I woke up to Red screaming between 5 – 6 AM. I went up several times to soothe her.

Big Bro was excited about leading the pack of the Motley Crew today. His day is Mondays.

Red was fine after she got dressed into her favorite Dora shirt.

Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were busy eating breakfast, and talking alot. Talking about how their bowls were circles and how tangerines are balls. Twin Crazy brought Red her hot pink phone, and brought Twin Husky his bear stuffed animal. She is so sweet.

Twin Husky was acting goofy and sticking pieces of bread crusts out of his mouth like two teeth.

All kids were having fun this AM. Interacting with each other and taking care of each other. Twin Husky needs to have his pile of things with him (basketball, tigers, rubber snake, bear) and the kids were helping him organize his stuff next to him.

Getting out of the house was easy today. Big Bro was eager to leave on his bike. I found Twin Crazy and Twin Husky playing with their scooters outside in the driveway, laughing. Twin Crazy is REALLY good at the scooter. She glides and everything.

We drop off Twins first; then Red. It is picture day for Red and we forgot. Her hair looks like Einstein and I ask the teacher to please comb it before the pictures.

Now I’m on the ferry and I have so much to do today – I have a 9 AM conference call that I have to lead and I need to figure out where I’m going to go for quiet space to have this conversation – the ferry gets in just close to 9 AM so I need to figure that out. I have 4 [update; no make that 5] other meetings/conferences calls after that. I need to figure out what work I need to do between those and need to get organized when I get into the office.

I’m attending to emails already while on the ferry and getting myself ready for the day.

I am in reasonably good spirits today. I am looking forward to my mother’s visit this week. I’m also looking forward to getting this divorce process done. I want to get out of this house. There is no soul/charm/personality and I really am looking forward to moving on.

Highlights of My Working Day:
OMG busy! Again!

Worked on client deliverable

5 meetings! 1 project team meeting, 1 staff meeting, 2 speaker planning meetings, 1 internal planning/agenda meeting. Whew!

I will need to get real work done tomorrow.

I’m on the ferry now, riding home. Tired. But it is sunny outside. I’m looking forward to picking up the kids. Looking forward to catching up with them since I did not see them this weekend. The Twins were very talkative this morning… its amazing how quickly they change. I can see the difference in them from only being away for 2 1/2 days! So I’m looking forward to learning about them tonight. And hearing about Big Bro’s Monday as Leader of the Motley Crew. And hoping that Red had a good day despite her lack of sleep last night.

Dinner and Bedtime:

I picked up Red first, then the Twins. We picked up Big Bro last so he could ride his bike from school to home. I suggested that he take an alternate route… a path that winds around a man-made lagoon which is really pretty. We’ve gone on it many times before. When he got to that part of the journey, he wasn’t sure where it would lead and he decided to come back up on the sidewalk and me follow him home in the van. So cute. He was brave, then backed down to the safety of what he knows. That’s OK. I had fun following him and the kids had fun cheering him on along the way.

At home I cooked; Big Bro helped with parts of the dinner. He also helped clean up some spilled water (Twin Crazy). Red helped set the table.

Kids ate well, except for Twin Crazy. She got cranky later so I brought out milk for everyone.

We played outside since it was light out from the time change. Big Bro and I played “kick back” which is just kicking a ball back and forth. Twin Husky was busy throwing a basketball in the air. Twin Crazy was frustrated with her pretend stroller, and Red was trying on shoes.

Twin Crazy was playing with her milk and I eventually took it away from her. She gets so upset when you are mad at her. I asked her if she needed some mommy-time and she said “Yeah…. Mommy time…..”. So I sat with her in the hallway, talked with her about how I felt mad at her. And why I felt mad at her. That she was playing with her milk and not listening. But that it’s OK, that people get mad. It’s OK to feel mad. And even though I was mad at her, I still love her. And then Red added in: “yeah mommy, and you love her so so so so so so much”. So cute. I guess Red remembers similar conversations with her.

Bedtime – I had Big Bro and Red. They got ready really quickly. Red asked me to pull something out of her jacket that she forgot downstairs so I did and almost shit my pants when I saw and felt a squishy fake bug. So of course I made a big deal out of it upstairs with them. Then Big Bro started picking his toes and I had Red cracking up about how gross that was. Yuck. They were both reasonably ready for bed, Big Bro with a Lego project so I asked him to get into bed when he was ready. Goodnight guys. I love you so much.

Kisses for Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. “I……. love…… you” whispers. “Sweet dreams”.

Afterwards, I made some “mail” for Red for her pre-school class. I printed a picture of Dora, Princesses, and Mini-mouse. Then made little notes and made envelopes to her. One from mommy, one from daddy, and one from Big Bro, Twin Crazy and Twin Husky.

I’m now sitting in bed, listening to quiet kids in the monitor. I think Red finally quit the “hold my hand until I fall asleep” routine. That one was tough. I think we did it. I can’t believe how good Big Bro and Red were tonight. They were both so helpful. It’s good to have them around again. I don’t know if they were so good because I was away this weekend, or maybe Big Bro felt like he was happy from his bike ride…. I’m not sure but I need to figure it out. They were all wonderful tonight.

I had a great Monday.
Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: bedime, kickball, kids, parenting, part-time, playing, working mom, working mother

Staying Sane: Life & Love Not 2 Be Taken 4 Granted

March 11, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

I’m settling in from a solo weekend where I pampered myself beyond belief. I tore myself out of this empty house and took a road-trip to a B&B spa. By myself. You don’t have to be lonely when you are alone. I indulged in massage, pool side relaxation, hydration baths, the sound of jazz, and talking about life with locals whom I just met.

Take Herbie for instance – a jazz musician who is known by all in this town. I met him during lunch on Saturday afternoon and he was getting ready for his music performance later that day. We sat next to each other at the counter, eating our lunches, and just started telling each other our stories. He told me of friends he had through his life….his family… his deceased wife… how he had to raise a 9 year old daughter by himself… how his sister helped him through that time… the decisions he made through life and the friends that he made and how his life, and life in general, just takes these twists and turns. And how when you look back you have these pockets of your life and you can see the decisions you make along the way and how they have impacted you and the people you love around you.

I always enjoy speaking with older people like Herbie who have many years on me and who have stories to tell and who are still living life… He is known in his town. He still plays piano and does performances. He gets dressed up all of the time in a suit. He lives each day.

So – for working mothers. Days, weeks, months go by so quickly. We know this. Our lives are busy and each hour is precious. And we see this as our kids grow up too fast. I am going to try and be better to stop and notice and recognize that life and love should not be taken for granted. Through the craziness and mayhem and juggling, I am going to make the time – maybe first thing in the morning – to really think about this. Maybe write it down on a piece of paper and tape it on my mirror. Will you join me?

Thanks for listening –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: friendship, happiness, life, love, parenting, working mom, working mother

March 9: Sweet moments before going away

March 10, 2012 by Mama K 3 Comments

Happy Friday! I’m looking forward to this weekend. I will be solo. So I got a heavy dose of “kid” this morning to fill me up before they left me for the weekend.

Highlights of the Morning:

Big Bro’s bike privilege is back. He was up out of bed, got dressed, had his sneakers on, his jacket on, helmet on, and came downstairs for breakfast completely ready to go. He ate quickly and then was completely ready. Even backpack. It was onlly 7:30 AM. He typically doesn’t ROLL out of bed until 7:30 AM. But here is was, all ready to go and extremely excited to be back in action.

Big Bro and Twin Husky again were having fun running and dancing around in the kitchen together. I think this will be a ritual with them.

Big Bro was very sweet this morning. Twin Crazy had some hair in her face and Big Bro gently swiped it away and out of her eyes. The way she was looking up at him was so sweet. I wish I had the camera but am glad I remembered this moment – hopefully I will remember it in the future since I’m writing it down here.

It was finally 8:00 AM and time for Big Bro to go. He was thrilled. I watched him down the sidewalk. I called out that I loved him and for him to have fun. He turned around back to me as he was riding and said “Bye Mommy!!!” with a huge smile on his face.

Back at home Twins were dressed to go for the day. Red was dressed for school. Daddy was in the car too. I grabbed snacks and extra diapers for my day with the Twins. We pulled away to drop Red off. He was rushing. I didn’t understand why. I’m home with the kids anyway and I wanted to make it a relaxing drop off. As we were driving there I looked back at Red’s face and her eyes just seemed sad to me. I then asked her if she wanted to go with me and Twin Crazy and Twin Husky and she said YES. I was going to take them to the zoo. So I had Daddy turn the van around to drop him off and for me to get extra food since I had Red now too.

Highlights of the Zoo:

We arrived there early so we played in the playground a bit.

Red had to pee so we went potty – there was a huge lawnmower which was scaring the kids so it was a bit of an ordeal to get to the potty across the lawn while this huge lawnmower was going around. We made it though.

Back at the playground Red was being a monkey climbing on things and the Twins were staying close to me because of the lawnmower. Red was having trouble trying to climb up certain things and then all of the sudden I saw her with the stroller and she was using it as a ladder. I love how these kids problem-solve and come up with solutions. It makes me feel good that they can take care of themselves in that way.

Once the zoo opened we went to see the frogs and turtles first. Red had never been to that part of the zoo before.

We went to look at the sea otters and laughed at how they were playing.

We had snacks and the kids were having fun roaming through bushes and playing follow the leader.

We then went to brush the goats. So much fun. They were very good with the animals and loved it.

On the way out the kids were being monkeys again. Climbing on things all over the place.

Rest of the Afternoon:

We made it back by 11:30 AM for lunch.

Daddy packed up the car and I played with the kids. We played with blocks and balls. They started to get cranky, needing their naps so I held Twin Crazy for a bit and then rocked with Twin Husky.

The kids were cute getting their things. Twin Husky needed to bring his 2 Tigers, yellow soccer ball, pretend chicken leg, and blue rubber snake.

I said my goodbyes and rocked in the chair for a bit. It was quiet.

I’m going to try not to be upset about these lonely weekends any longer. My first alone weekend was very, very rough. It was hard for me to wake up in silence – it felt wrong. I maybe had 2 or 3 mornings of silence over the past 6 years and it just felt un-natural to me. I felt like I was missing my limbs or that I had two left feet or something. It just felt “off”.

But no matter how I look at it, no matter WHAT level of custody I have with these kids going forward, there will be obviously be days where I wake up without them. This is just reality. And I know this. I can almost accept this now. This is going to be part of my new reality going forward. I will not have them with me every day. It’s as simple as that. I get it. Sometimes it will be harder for me and sometimes it won’t feel as difficult. It will just be.

So, I sat in silence for awhile. It was a stark difference from just 2 minutes prior — twins crying to nap and Red bouncing around trying to be helpful. Now it was completely quiet except for the sound of the rocking chair. I sat in the chair in the sun. I checked email. I saw a “Groupon-now” for a deep conditioning and haircut that if bought, had to be used within 2 hours. So I made an appointment and bought the Groupon and got my hair conditioned and cut.

So now I’m getting ready for my weekend away. A B&B in wine country with heated pools, mineral baths, bed in breakfast, and massage (another Groupon previously bought). It was going to be for 2. But now I am one. And I am using it this weekend, alone. And happy about that. I will wake up to a quiet house tomorrow morning, knowing that the kids are fine and having fun, and I will pack up the car and go out to breakfast and road-trip. I have a massage at 11 AM and will relax the rest of the day at the pool. I will spend the weekend with myself and with my thoughts and enjoy the sun, the pool, and the silence.

I love Groupon.

Have a terrific weekend Mamas – I’ll post pix of my weekend on Facebook and likely Tweet about it too.

Here’s to sunny days!
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, haircut, massage, parenting, part-time, silence, solitude, weekend trip, working mom, working mother, zoo

March 8: Skinned knees

March 8, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

I wasn’t working today and stayed home with my Munchkins. I decided to give Red the option if she wanted to stay home with us; she said yes, which REALLY pissed Big Bro off as I drove him to school.

Highlights of the Morning:

Red woke up at 1 AM screaming. It woke me up without the monitor. I go upstairs and Daddy says from his room that “he’s not doing it”. I shake my head but go downstairs since the plan is for me to be “off” when he is “on”. This is what the kids are going to have to get used to. I turn the monitor on downstairs and hear him say something about having to go to work tomorrow. But Red is still screaming. I wait 15 minutes. Now Big Bro is calling through the monitor for me to come up and help. I find Red in the corner of her bed screaming. I hold her to calm her down. I tell her it’s OK to feel scared. That sometimes people feel scared and its OK. I offer suggestion to clap the scary things away and I do this several times. She is calm. I put her in bed. I say that it’s OK. She wants to hold my hand and I do briefly then pull away. She reaches out to me but I say its OK. She drifts to sleep without my hand, and me farther away in room, almost out of sight. She sleeps through the rest of the night.

I wake up to Red at 7 AM in my room, making my bed while I am still in it. She is laughing. She is telling me that it’s time to get up.

Twin Husky eats like a teenager – must be a growth spurt.

Twin Husky follows around Big Bro and then Big Bro starts acting silly, dancing around, and Twin Husky is following in his footsteps to a T. Twin Husky looks up to him so much. Wants to do everything like him. So cute.

We get into the car to drop of Big Bro. He is still mad at me for taking him to school.

On the way home we pull into the ferry parking lot to look at the ferry drive away. We talk about the boat and the people and say bye-bye to the ferry as it travels to the city.

At home, we play with play-dough. The kids make me “food” since it is a kitchen set too. Red makes me pizza, and then Twin Husky makes me pizza, and Twin Crazy is busy cooking with the play-dough stove.

We head outside since it is beautiful out. They all have scooters. Twin Crazy falls and skins a knee. We also start playing with balls.

I brown a cut of beef and put it in the slow cooker. I clean up a bit and even wipe down the fridge. The kids are all playing outside and it feels good for me to do this while I have energy.

We play outside; we eat lunch; kids take naps. I straighten up and take care of emails.

Highlights of the Afternoon and Evening:

Twins wake up from their naps; we go outside on scooters again. Twin Crazy falls and skins her other knee. I give her band-aids for both knees.

Red wakes up; Twin Crazy shows her the bandaids on her knees. We eat Oreos and head off to get Big Bro from school. We save him a fist-full of Oreos.

At home all kids are outside. We are having too much fun with scooters, strollers, and balls. Big Bro and I are kicking balls back and forth. They are bouncing off of the house, slamming into the bushes, and several went over fences. We laughed. Big Bro has great coordination and is a natural athlete. I would say “whoa” to one of his kicks and Twin Husky would parrot it afterwards. It was a lot of fun laughing and playing ball. Kicking for real with my son. I know in a few short years it will be Big Bro and Twin Husky doing this and they won’t want me around kicking balls to them. So I take this in now while I can.

Twin Husky falls several times because of those damn boots that he insists on wearing.

Red falls and skins a knee. All kids want to look at it.

Big Bro is busy with a stool trying to look over the fence to see where the balls are. He can’t see a thing because of all the trees. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky are scaling a trelice and it breaks away from the wooden fence.

Twin Crazy starts to fill up water cups from the refrigerator and gets herself soaked.

I cook the rest of dinner. Red rests on the couch from her skinned knee.

All the food goes. Kids think they deserve dessert. Big Bro goes into the freezer for ice-cream. I swiftly take it away since it is MINE. We decide to do movie-night instead, with popcorn, since they will be leaving tomorrow afternoon and therefore missing our standard Friday movie nights.

I had Big Bro and Red for bedtime tonight. They were great. He set out his bike helmet right next to his pile of clothes so that he could be ready very fast tomorrow AM (he gets his bike privilege back tomorrow).

Big Bro asked me: “Why did the cow cross the road?” I reply, “Why?”. He responds: “Because it wanted to get hit by a car.” I started cracking up so loudly I just couldn’t believe the humor and how he told the joke and how goofy he is. Red was laughing at both of us. I had to reach out and hug him.

Red had a hard time going to sleep. I calmed her down and sat with her for a bit. She drifted off to sleep (NOT holding my hand) and I thought to myself that she might be the most beautiful child in the world….

I’m pretty tired and am looking forward to sleep. I ache for the kids and I miss them already. I know they will have fun but I do not trust what will be said to them while they are away. They’ve been put in the middle in the past and that was pre-separation; I can’t even imagine what will be said now that the situation has changed so much for the worse. I honestly hope that they are reasonable enough to keep the kids out of it.

I had a really good day today. I feel like I had a chance to be a parent and also a kid myself today. I had some great belly-laughs and saw sides of the kids that are new to me. I feel a bit lonely already for the weekend without them but at the same time am excited about my plans. The pain from a skinned knee is sharp at first but then fades as you get used to it and your body heals. That is all I can hope for myself for this weekend and in the future during the times without the kids.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: divorce, joke, kickball, laugh, parenting, part-time, scooters, skinned knee, working mom, working mother

March 7: Just a day.

March 7, 2012 by Mama K Leave a Comment

Wednesday – a day at home. I’m writing this at the end of the day so I’m trying to remember what exactly happened… it’s all a blur. I’m also working off of very little sleep. Red woke up at 11 PM last night, and then again at 4 AM, 4:30 AM, 5 AM, and 6 AM. Poor thing. Poor me.

Highlights of the Morning:

Twin Crazy has been walking around with a princess “fannie-pack”. It is the cutest, yet almost disturbing, thing ever…. she walks around like she has important business to attend to with her little fannie pack on. She buckles and unbuckles it, and strings the strap around to put it on again. She asks for help when she needs it, which is good.

Big Bro constructed a space shuttle out of Legos this AM, for R2-D2. R2-D2 was short lived — apparently he traded him with a kid at school for some other Lego figure.

Twin Husky was busy carrying all of his things in a paper bag but then the bag broke. He got so pissed off. So we put his stuff into a new bag. His stuff included: yellow soccer ball, random kid forks, spoons, and knives, his Tigers, pretend cleaning supplies, a dress, a green ball.

I drove all the kids in since Big Bro lost his bike privileges the night before. I dropped of Twin Crazy and Twin Husky first. Then Red and I walked with Big Bro to drop him off. I then dropped off Red.

Highlights of My Working Day:

I got home, straightened up the house, ate some breakfast, poured another cup of coffee, and set up my computer. I’m ready.

I had a meeting with one of the speakers for our forum in April to give direction on content.

I coordinated a call with another speaker to give guidance on content.

I did marketing outreach to one of the forums

I re-crafted go-to-market outreach for a forum we are trying to launch

I did more selling outreach to solicit participation in a meeting in April

I had to address various emails from all of the above relating to two forums, two meetings/forums we are trying to launch, and a client project.

I received some positive responses to the various invitations and also received to offers to speak — AWESOME! Great way to round out the Agenda!!!

The Rest of the Day:

I called the quits and ran some errands.

I picked up Big Bro first, then Red. There was a fire-truck there and we got there just in time to see the show… it was cute, all of the little kids coming outside to see the truck and the firemen. So cute.

We picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky next, and caught them in the middle of a walk around the courtyard with their daycare provider. The kids were all going wild. Big Bro and Red hanging out of the window, and me driving VERY slowly behind the Twins so they could get back to their daycare house… .it was like I was following Big Bro. We were all cheering from the van to the Twins and were all having a good time.

We got back and had an Oreo snack. I played with the kids. The boys were playing together and acting like boys, throwing balls and sling-shotting rubber snakes. Twin Husky was cracking up. Twin Crazy was playing in her kitchen set. Red was wrestling with me and playing “airplane”.

I made dinner – homemade pizza with dough from Trader Joe’s. Boys were still acting like boys, cracking up and playing with each other.

After dinner somehow they all started on ice-cream. Then we watched T.V.

Twins got cranky and I had them for bedtime so it was very easy to read to the them and put them to bed. “I…… love…… you…. Sweet Dreams….” So cute.

Now it’s the end of the day and I’m in my space and I have off tomorrow but still have work on my mind. I also have personal things to take care of. Financial stuff. I can’t wait to get this over. I’m looking forward to the weekend when I can decompress. Today was just a day. Nothing magical. It just came and went. Or maybe I just feel that way since I need to catch up on sleep.

Til tomorrow –
– Mama K

Filed Under: Daily Journal Tagged With: boys, firetruck, flex time, parenting, part-time, pizza, siblings, sleepless nights, working mom, working mother

March 20: Feeling too old for horsie-back rides

March 19: Power Day! No, roller coaster day….

March 16: Fish

March 14: Puddles, worms, and Nana

March 13: Feeling worn out.

March 12: Not a bad Monday

Staying Sane: Life & Love Not 2 Be Taken 4 Granted

March 9: Sweet moments before going away

March 8: Skinned knees

March 7: Just a day.

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